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GloRilla Jokes That Her 90-Day Celibacy Resolution Is Having A Negative (But Predictable) Effect On Her Vision

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We’re now ten days into January 2024, which means many of us have already quit on our new year’s resolutions. Others still seem to be holding strong, but maybe that resilience ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

It seems that more than one rap star decided to take a vow of abstinence — at least, temporarily. And while 50 Cent says his resolution to do so is helping him avoid distractions, GloRilla is apparently starting to regret hers.

“Started my 90 day celibacy lil shit for new year’s or wtv, I’m on da 9th day & my vision blurry af,” she joked on Twitter. “Send help😭” When fellow raunchy Southern rapper Sexyy Red expressed empathy, she doubled down, cracking, “Bitch I been lost it I be having to take my sunglasses off just to hear.”

For those who never heard of this, it appears Glo is referencing the old wives’ superstition that too much …. ahem… “self-love” can make one go blind — which, hey, it could be worse. They also warned us that we’d grow hair on our palms.

If that really is what she meant, that’s a pretty clever way of saying that she’s burning through her battery supply, but maybe it was also a little too clever; it seems the joke has flown over a lot of fans’ heads.

Prayers up for Big Glo, and here’s hoping her batteries hold out and long as she does.