It’s easy not to fault someone whose husband is engaging in behaviors that are threatening to their marriage to be in a little bit of denial. Especially when their partner appears to be gaslighting them over the nature of their relationship with the other woman.
A video taken from “The Dave Ramsey Show” is an example of a woman going through the process of coming to terms with her cheating spouse with the unlikely help of a celebrity financial advisor.
In a video clip posted to TikTok on December 2023, Kathy from Orlando, Florida, calls Ramsey to see if she should treat her money any differently because of her marriage problems. Kate admitted that her husband of 18 years has been having “sleepovers” with his ex-girlfriend from 25 years ago. The couple doesn’t have any children.
The husband swears that they are “just friends,” which is hard for anyone to believe. “He reconnected with her. I don’t know if he’s going through a midlife crisis. I don’t know what’s going on,” she told Ramsey.
@daveramsey Kathy is having problems in her marriage, and she called in to The Ramsey Show to ask for advice. #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #marriageadvice #marriageproblems #divorce
Regardless if he’s cheating or not, the man is clearly gaslighting his wife by telling her that it is normal for him to be sleeping over at another woman’s house, especially an ex-girlfriend. This type of insidious behavior makes it hard for people to understand what’s reality and what isn’t.
Ramsey stepped in and gave her some clear advice on the emotional situation.
“Normal people that are married do not have sleepovers with the opposite sex ever in any circumstances that they are not married to. That’s just not acceptable social behavior,” Ramsey said. “And the fact that he would try to play it off on that says that he has a level of B.S. in his life that is unbelievable.”
Even though he was speaking the harsh truth, he did so while being mindful of the woman’s feelings.
“I’m trying to be kind because you’re hurting, but you have to be going, ‘This is nuts.’ So, you need somebody outside to say, this is nuts. This is nuts. I just said it, okay?” Ramsey continued.
The woman admitted that she tried to take her husband to marriage counseling, but he didn’t want to go in fear of being “ganged up” on. Ramsey leveled with Kathy and told her she needed help from 2 people: a therapist and a divorce attorney. He said to her that she should have no problem putting the screws to him financially and emotionally for his infidelity.
“If this is the track he decides to go on, and if it ends your marriage, I would make that cost him,” Ramsey advised. “He’s gonna give up some stuff in order for you to make this quick. I would drag it out and make it painful for a while.”
But most importantly, he reminded her that she was the sane person in the relationship and validated her concerns that he may be cheating on her.
“Either you are going to call something that’s crazy, crazy. Or you are crazy,” he said. “So you need to get with a counselor that keeps you in between the ditches and reminds you that you are sane and he is not.”