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Taylor Swift Chose ‘A Streaming Home’ For Her ‘The Eras Tour’ Concert Movie, And Yep, She Added ‘(Taylor’s Version)’ To The Title

taylor swift eras tour 2023
Getty Image

Taylor Swift resumed her The Eras Tour on Wednesday, February 7, in Tokyo. As seen in a video circulated by fan accounts on X (formerly Twitter), Swift addressed her superhuman productivity during the Evermore portion the show. “Everyone’s like, ‘Why do you make so many albums?’” she said, referring to her newly announced forthcoming album, The Tortured Poets Department. “Man, because I love it. I love it so much! I’m having fun; leave me alone.”

Luckily for Swifties, the singer’s preferred source of fun is consistently churning out new things. Three days after announcing The Tortured Poets Department while accepting Best Pop Vocal Album at the 2024 Grammys, Swift revealed where everybody can stream her Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour concert film, which now has an updated (and very Swiftian) title.

“This week is truly the best kind of chaos,” Swift captioned a black-and-white version of the film poster (in keeping with her TTPD aesthetic) on Instagram. “I’m thrilled to let you know I’ve found a streaming home for The Eras Tour Concert Film, and that home will be @disneyplus. For the first time we’ll be showing the entire concert (including ‘cardigan,’ plus 4 additional songs from the acoustic section!!) and I’m calling it, huge shock, Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour (Taylor’s Version). Available starting March 15 which is actually very [soon emoji].”

Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour initially debuted exclusively in theaters on October 13, 2023, and the box-office numbers were just as eye-popping as you’d expect.

See Swift’s post below.

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‘Moana 2,’ Which Was Originally Supposed To Be A TV Series, Will Instead Be A Real Movie That Actually Hits Theaters (And Sooner Than You’d Think)

Moana
Disney

More than other companies involved in movies, Disney has been streaming-obsessed. They still love spending either spending a fortune on movies they then dump on Disney+ or milking their popular IP for endless TV spinoffs. Moana, their 2016 animated hit (and their most streamed kids movie in history), was supposed to get the latter, which was to take the place of a traditional sequel. But the streaming bubble has basically popped, which may be why they’re going a more traditional route.

Per Variety, Disney honcho Bob Iger announced they were making Moana 2 a movie rather than a show. It won’t be far off either. The film will hit theaters on November 27, which suggests that that maybe they’re taking what was supposed to be a TV series and refitting it as a proper movie film.

What does this mean for the other Moana, which is to say the live-action remake that’s supposed to bring back co-star Dwayne Johnson but not main star Auli’I Cravalho? It’s still set for a June 27, 2005 release, so who knows? Moreover, are Johnson and Cravalho still slated to voice their characters in the sequel? That’s also unclear. But chances are if you loved Moana, you’re about to get two more.

Moana 2 will (all of a sudden) hit theaters on November 27.

(Via Variety)

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Travel Writers And DJs Share Their Favorite Desert Destinations

desert destination
MERLE COOPER/UPROXX

Maybe it’s just us, but February tends to bring on the desert energy. With winter still holding strong in the Northern Hemisphere, there’s nothing quite like basking in the healing properties of the desert. With open landscapes just waiting to be trekked through, hot springs to soak in, and endless dark skies to camp under, heading to the desert in the dead of winter is a power move.

From the cool and sexy rentals in Joshua Tree and Palm Springs, soft adventures through cacti fields, to the vibrant nightlife of Scottsdale, seeking out a desert landscape for February leaves plenty of options. To help narrow down all the idyllic desert landscapes to head to, we asked global touring DJs and travel influencers their favorite desert destination to escape to this year. Just make sure to use your travel credit card to continue racking up those flight and travel points when you plan your own getaway!

Kristin Addis (@bemytravelmuse): Anza-Borrego, California

Kristin Addis
KRISTIN ADDIS

My favorite desert destination is Anza-Borrego in Southern California. I love it because the land formations are incredibly unique and beautiful. It also has one of the best sunrises in all of California which I think of more as a sunset state with its coastal location but Font’s Point is an amazing place to go for sunrise.

You should really have a 4WD vehicle to get down there because it’s a sandy and bumpy road. If it is a particularly wet year, the super blooms are abundant and beautiful out there in March. It’s mostly a place where retirees go but I always have a great time every time I’m out there, it’s also one of those towns that don’t allow super bright lights at night so you can see amazing stars.

It’s quite a lovely place to go!

Dyro (@dyro): Dunas de Maspalomas, Las Palmas, Spain

Featured Upcoming Tour Dates: Tomorrowland 2024

Dyro
DYRO

As my favorite desert destination, I’d recommend Dunas de Maspalomas. The Maspalomas Dunes are located in the south of the Spanish island Gran Canaria. The island has great beaches and stunning sunsets. And the Maspalomas Dunes are an incredible sight to visit.

If you’re ever traveling there a great spot to stay is the Faro Lopesan Hotel which is located just a short drive away from the Maspalomas Dunes. Another great afternoon spent is the Buggy Pirates off-road buggy tour around the Fataga Natural Park. Combined with a very nice climate makes this an amazing spot for a short getaway.

RayRay (@djrayraytaiwan): Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia

Featured Upcoming Tour Dates: Exchange LA (2/9); Asia Tour (April/May/June)

ray ray
RAYRAY

My favorite desert destination is located in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. I played at the festival there last year. I enjoyed the historical sites a lot, such as Chinggis Khaan Statue complex which is situated 54 km from Ulaanbaatar City, with the view of beautiful natural scenery on the bank of the Tuul River, a historical place where Chinggis khan’s golden whip was found.

Growing up as a city girl, it was absolutely precious to get to experience the panoramic view of the beautiful landscape.

Jacqueline De La Cruz (@worldtravelinglatina): Wadi Rum, Jordan

Jacqueline De La Cruz
JACQUELINE DE LA CRUZ

Wadi Rum is located in the southern part of Jordan. You can take a tour or drive down from the capital of Amman, Jordan. This is where the main international airport is located. It is a safe and beautiful drive of only 4 hours. When you arrive to Wadi Rum you will notice the unique red landscape. It is remote, and largely run by Bedouin Arabs that will happily greet you, and host you in their Martian dome hotels where you can view the night skies directly from your bed. Many Mars movies are filmed in this area of the world because everywhere you look it looks just like the planet Mars. There are endless amounts of red sand and red rock formations as far as the eye can see.

The night skies are gorgeous and its silence brings ultimate tranquility. Dinners are eaten in tents outside, where the food is cooked underground. My biggest recommendation in Wadi Rum is sunset/sunrise tours. You can ride a camel or sit on the back of a truck while they take you deep into the desert. Wadi Rum feels otherworldly – you have to see it to believe it.

Henry Fong (@djhenryfong): Gobi Desert, China & Mongolia

Featured Upcoming Tour Dates: Vancouver, BC (2/9); Atlantic City, NJ (2/10); Brooklyn, NY (2/19)

henry fong
HENRY FONG

If you’re thinking about a cool place to visit, let me throw the Gobi Desert into the mix. I went there after performing at a Mongolian festival years ago and got to spend some time exploring while I was there. Picture this: walking on these endless dunes, the sand shifting under your feet, and overlooking a desert surrounding mountains, with patches of grasslands. The Gobi has this laid-back vibe during the day, with the sun lighting up the desert like it’s glowing. One of the most common animals too is actually a snow leopard. It’s something out of a dream.

The real show starts when the sun goes down. The night sky out there? Absolutely wild. It’s like the best backdrop for a chill session, just you and a sky full of stars. No stage lights or special effects can beat this natural light show. So for anyone looking for a new adventure, the Gobi Desert is worth checking out. It’s a place to relax, reset, and get inspired.

Alexandrea Sumuel (@wander.with.alex): Aruba

When we think of desert destinations, we often envision a vast expanse where the air is dry and the sun shines down over endless dunes of sand. The intensity of the experience creates a deep connection with nature, along with an undeniable sense of adventure and mystery. Nonetheless, there’s often one essential element missing: water.

Located off the coast of Venezuela, you’ll find the well-known Dutch Caribbean island of Aruba with its year-round sunshine, beautiful beaches, and a melting pot of over 100 different nationalities. What often escapes people’s awareness, however, is that Aruba is classified as a desert island with an arid climate, low annual rainfall, sparse vegetation, sandy and rocky terrain, high temperatures, intense sunlight, and limited surface water.

To experience Aruba’s rugged outback, rent a jeep, UTV, or sand buggy, or take an off-road tour. Driving through Aruba’s Arikok National Park is quite the adventure, offering an incredibly rocky ride and views of the cacti-covered land and the Caribbean Sea. You can explore caves, natural bridges and pools, rock formations, and dunes.

The best part? After a day of exploration, you can grab a cold cocktail and enjoy the beach!

JADED (@jadedofficial): Palm Springs, California

Featured Upcoming Tour Dates: Orlando, FL (2/10); Chicago, IL (4/5); Toronto, CA (4/6)

JADED
JADED

Our favourite desert destination is Palm Springs, a city in the Sonoran Desert of southern Cali. Last August, we played Splash House festival out there, and it was pretty damn sensational! It was very hot (45° C), but all the hotels had pools and cooling stations, so it was a vibe. We stayed at the Sonder Hotel which was immaculate, the cocktail bar was great too.

Our favorite place to eat in Palm Springs has to be Sherman’s Deli, hands down the best. This place is the stuff of legends. It’s where Frank Sinatra and all the Hollywood stars used to dine. It’s a New York City-style deli that serves possibly the best pastrami we’ve ever had. At the festival, we tested a few unreleased tracks of ours, and we had one of the best reactions to our next single, “Sound of The Drums,” with Dombresky.

Check it out above. It’s hotter than the desert.

Poolside (@poolside): Anza-Borrego Desert, California

Featured Upcoming Tour Dates: Denver, CO (2/6); Chicago, IL (2/9); Brooklyn, NY (2/17)

POOLSIDE
POOLSIDE

I’m from San Diego, California and when I was in high school I used to go camping in the Anza-Borrego, or what people like to call “the high desert.” It’s a high altitude so it gets really cold at night but during the summer it gets very hot during the day. There is exceptional stargazing over its 600 acres. There’s a Dark Sky initiative nearby since no one lives around there. It’s truly amazing how many stars you can see.

It also attracts a lot of oddballs haha, which I kind of like. There’s an area called Borrego Springs that is worth checking out and has some cool hotels that you can stay in.

There are some crazy hikes there, specifically Hellhole Canyon. It’s really special and you can get to a spring at the end. Camping at the mud caves is a really amazing experience but even just camping out there in general is a surreal experience with a blanket of stars over you.

Spring is a great time to go as there are beautiful flowers that bloom after the winter rains. Going any time of year is great, even when it’s cold. It doesn’t ever really get cold in San Diego so if you’re in Southern California then it can be pretty nice to escape out there.

Sojourner White (@thesojournies): Huacachina, Peru

Sojourner
SOJOURNER

My favorite desert destination is Huacachina in Peru. It is a village oasis that is about five hours from Lima, Peru. You can stay in the town and go glamping under the stars, wine tasting, or do a day trip from Lima to take part in this bucket list activity. Huacachina’s population is only about 100 people, but many tourists come to go dune buggy riding and sandboarding in the sand dunes. The sand dunes can get as high as 1500+ feet, so if you are afraid of height, this is probably not for you. And I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit terrified to do the sandboarding at first because I didn’t want the sand to get into my eyes. But you can buy or bring a bandanna and sunglasses to protect yourself. I did scream going down the sand dune but honestly, I would’ve done it over and over again.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime, adrenaline-pumping experience!

Thuymi & Mitchell (@adventurefaktory): Hatta Sedr Trailers Resort, Dubai

Our favorite desert spot is the Hatta Sedr Trailers Resort, located an hour from the megacity of Dubai. Hatta is a small and fascinating local town that is a snapshot of the older, more traditional way of life. The UAE is often known for its epic skylines full of skyscrapers with glitz and glam but the only skyline out at the Hatta Sedr Trailers Resort is the millions of stars that you enjoy.

With surrounding mountains, a water reservoir, and a gorgeous climb to a viewpoint, it’s a perfect place to catch a sunset in complete silence. There are also several desert and mountain activities all a short walk away from your accommodation.

There are only a few cabins there, so bookings are hard to come by, but it is certainly one of our most enjoyable getaway experiences and very highly recommended!

Olga Maslianko (@honest.trip): Arabian Desert, Dubai

Olga Maslianko
OLGA MASLIANKO

Dubai’s desert, the Arabian Desert, is my favorite destination for its thrilling and culturally rich experiences. The landscape, with vast dunes, provides a visual treat and an adventure playground. The highlight, 4×4 dune bashing, offers an exhilarating ride through the sandy expanse, combining adrenaline with natural beauty. Besides the excitement, the desert camps allow a glimpse into Bedouin culture, featuring traditional cuisine, music, and dance.

This contrast between adventure and cultural immersion, set against the backdrop of serene sunsets and starry nights, distinguishes the Dubai desert as a unique and memorable escape from the city’s hustle.

Durante (@imdurante): Sedona, Arizona

Featured Upcoming Tour Dates: Brooklyn, NY (4/12); Los Angeles, CA (5/3); Dhermi, Albania (6/13)

durante
DURANTE

Quite a few years back I had the chance to stop in Sedona for an afternoon during a road trip. The shops in the area were very quaint, and the colors of the mountains made me feel like I wasn’t on Earth anymore. I had a wonderful time hiking to one of the ‘energy vortexes’ as they call it over there. I’d really like to return and spend more time exploring the nature of the area. It’s also only an hour’s drive from Arcosanti which is an “experimental community” with beautiful architecture and is renowned for its ceramic and brass bells.

Fun fact for Star Wars fans: the architecture of Arcosanti was the inspiration for Tattooine.

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Steve Young Thinks Taylor Swift Has Made The Chiefs ‘More Dangerous’ For The Super Bowl

Travis Kelce Taylor Swift AFC Championship Game 2024
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For much of this season, one of the dominant storylines around the Kansas City Chiefs has been the presence of Taylor Swift at games, cheering on the team from a suite, now that she’s dating star tight end Travis Kelce.

Swift’s impact on the NFL and the Chiefs has been well-documented, as it’s drawn in a different audience to Chiefs games, as her legion of fans tune in to just about anything where Swift makes an appearance. There’s also been plenty of debate in the sports media world about whether Swift was a distraction of sorts for the Chiefs, as Kansas City labored through a rough patch in the middle of the season before finding their form for another postseason run.

Former Super Bowl champion quarterback Steve Young is fascinated by the psychology of football and what goes on in locker rooms, and as he explained to Kevin Clark on Wednesday at the Super Bowl, he thinks there was merit to the distraction questions early in the year. However, Young believes Swift’s presence now works in the Chiefs favor because they’re used to the noise and attention, and now they’re “more dangerous” because of it and if it’s a distraction for anyone, it’s the opposing team (5:00 mark of the below video).

“100 percent, because when you’re that famous, everyone’s now Twitter-pated. Players, equipment men, coaches, staff, locker room attendants, so it creates it’s own energy and drama and distraction,” Young said. “It’s just inevitable. The idea that you didn’t feel that weight on that team in the first half of the season is just not in reality. So, I really feel like why they’re coming into this game in a really powerful position is handling that unique challenge in a way that…Like, you saw in the Championship Game on the thing, Andy [Reid]’s pointing hat her and she’s pointing at him, and she’s part of the family now. That’s a powerful place rather than a distraction. Now it’s your distraction, it’s not mine. And I just think they’re much more dangerous today for the Super Bowl because of that.”

It’s a fascinating perspective from Young, and while it’s a bit funny to say Swift is helping the Chiefs be “more dangerous,” I can absolutely buy into the idea that learning to focus internally on the task at hand with chaos around you externally in terms of media and fan attention has been beneficial to the Chiefs this year.

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Charles Barkley Is Picking The Niners To Win The Super Bowl Even Though He Keeps Betting Against The Chiefs And Losing

charles barkley
TNT

Charles Barkley, like many people, plans on putting some money down on Super Bowl LVIII. During an appearance on Inside the NFL, Barkley revealed that he’s bet on the Kansas City Chiefs to lose each of the last two weeks, and while that hasn’t worked out especially well for him, the National Basketball Hall of Fame inductee is going to do it once again and back the San Francisco 49ers to come out victorious in Las Vegas on Sunday.

While Barkley clearly was having some fun at his own expense here, he does have a few pretty good reasons for going with San Francisco here. For one, he is a big fan of indomitable Niners linebacker Fred Warner, who he calls “my favorite player.” But he also leaned on his own experience as one of the greatest NBA players to never win a championship and said that makes him root for one player in particular.

“I’m rooting for Trent Williams,” Barkley said. “I’m the guy who’s on the list of great players who never won a championship. So, Trent Williams has been probably one of the best offensive linemen in this league forever, so I really would love to see him get his championship.”

Williams is certainly high on the list of the greatest players to never win a Super Bowl, and San Francisco is entering Sunday as 2-point favorites to win the game. All they need to do is hope that Barkley’s track record of betting against the Chiefs isn’t too big of a hurdle to overcome and they’ll end up lifting the Lombardi Trophy.

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Tim Robinson And His ‘I Think You Should Leave’ Live Show Are Hitting The Road Very Soon

think-you-should-leave-top.jpeg
Netflix

Since 2019, I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson has terrorized Netflix. Pretty soon it will be invading the real world. Per The New York Post, the comic has announced an honest-to-god I Think You Should Leave tour, in which he’ll lug his hot dog costume, sloppy steaks, and stupid hat on all across America.

Things kick off in April at New York City’s Beacon Theater before heading out to Chicago, followed by his hometown of Detroit. There are also stops in Fort Worth, Austin, Phoenix, and in Los Angeles, where the team will take part in the Netflix is a Joke Fest.

What exactly will this tour comprise of? Right now listings say it will involve Robinson and co-creator, writer, and performer Zach Kanin (perhaps best known as the mother-in-law-loving tauntee in the top shelf “Focus Group” sketch). There will be additional guests, but currently none are listed. Perhaps they’ll lug around Tim Heidecker to rattle off made-up jazz musician names. Will Ruben Rabasa tail along just so he can drag Kanin in front of hundreds of people? Will Robinson play the Egg Game in front of everyone?

As of this writing, I Think You Should Leave has not yet been renewed for a fourth season. Of course, Robinson is about to be a bit busy hitting the road, but perhaps while he’s cruising around the country — with a good steering wheel, stopping to try and scam people at drive-thrus — he’ll dream up some new sketches about characters having shouty meltdowns.

You can buy some (though not all) I Think You Should Leave tickets over at LiveNation.

(Via NY Post)

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How often should you wash your sheets? Experts settle the debate once and for all.

If you were to ask a random group of people, “How often do you wash your sheets?” you’d likely get drastically different answers. There are the “Every single Sunday without fail” folks, the “Who on Earth washes their sheets weekly?!?” people and everyone in between.

According to a survey of 1,000 Americans conducted by Mattress Advisor, the average time between sheet changings or washings in the U.S. is 24 days—or every 3 1/2 weeks, approximately. The same survey revealed that 35 days is the average interval at which unwashed sheets are “gross.”

Some of you are cringing at those stats while others are thinking, “That sounds about right.” But how often should you wash your sheets, according to experts?

Hint: It’s a lot more frequent than 24 days.

While there is no definitive number of days or weeks, most experts recommend swapping out used sheets for clean ones every week or two.

Dermatologist Alok Vij, MD told Cleveland Clinic that people should wash their sheets at least every two weeks, but probably more often if you have pets, live in a hot climate, sweat a lot, are recovering from illness, have allergies or asthma or if you sleep naked.

We shed dead skin all the time, and friction helps those dead skin cells slough off, so imagine what’s happening every time you roll over and your skin rubs on the sheets. It’s normal to sweat in your sleep, too, so that’s also getting on your sheets. And then there’s dander and dust mites and dirt that we carry around on us just from living in the world, all combining to make for pretty dirty sheets in a fairly short period of time, even if they look “clean.”

Maybe if you shower before bed and always wear clean pajamas you could get by with a two-week sheet swap cycle, but weekly sheet cleaning seems to be the general consensus among the experts. The New York Times consulted five books about laundry and cleaning habits, and once a week was what they all recommend.

Sorry, once-a-monthers. You may want to step up your sheet game a bit.

What about the rest of your bedding? Blankets and comforters and whatnot?

Sleep.com recommends washing your duvet cover once a week, but this depends on whether you use a top sheet. Somewhere between the Gen X and Millennial eras, young folks stopped being about the top sheet life, just using their duvet with no top sheet. If that’s you, wash that baby once a week. If you do use a top sheet, you can go a couple weeks longer on the duvet cover.

For blankets and comforters and duvet inserts, Sleep.com says every 3 months. And for decorative blankets and quilts that you don’t really use, once a year washing will suffice.

What about pillows? Pillowcases should go in with the weekly sheet washing, but pillows themselves should be washed every 3 to 6 months. Washing pillows can be a pain, and if you don’t do it right, you can end up with a lumpy pillow, but it’s a good idea because between your sweat, saliva and skin cells, pillows can start harboring bacteria.

Finally, how about the mattress itself? Home influencers on TikTok can often be seen stripping their beds, sprinkling their mattress with baking soda, brushing it into the mattress fibers and then vacuuming it all out. Architectural Digest says the longer you leave baking soda on the mattress, the better—at least a few hours, but preferably overnight. Some people add a few drops of essential oil to the baking soda for some extra yummy smell.

If that all sounds like way too much work, maybe just start with the sheets. Pick a day of the week and make it your sheet washing day. You might find that climbing into a clean, fresh set of sheets more often is a nice way to feel pampered without a whole lot of effort.

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They Replaced The Lady In The Jardiance Commercial And Somehow It All Got More Confusing

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

OKAY

LOOK

OKAY

I KNOW I KINDA LOST MY MIND ABOUT THE JARDIANCE COMMERCIAL LAST YEAR

I WROTE A WHOLE THING ABOUT IT IN ALL-CAPS

WHICH I STAND BY

BUT I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING

GUYS

THEY REPLACED THE JARDIANCE LADY

LOOK

LOOK AT THE NEW COMMERCIAL THAT STARTED AIRING RECENTLY

WHAT

WHY

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE OTHER JARDIANCE LADY

SHE WAS ACTUALLY COOL ABOUT IT

THE PROBLEM WAS THE COMPLETELY INSANE COMMERCIAL

AND THE SONG

I KNOW I’M WRITING ABOUT COMMERCIALS A LOT LATELY

BUT COME ON

NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE

WHO IS THIS IMPOSTOR

QUESTION MARK

RESPECTFULLY OF COURSE

I’M SURE THIS NEW LADY IS LOVELY

THAT’S NOT THE POINT

PLEASE DO NOT BE WEIRD TO HER

THE POINT IS THAT THE NEW COMMERCIAL IS JUST AS NUTS AS THE LAST ONE

AND RAISES EVEN MORE QUESTIONS

LIKE, DO THESE COMMERCIALS EXIST IN THE SAME UNIVERSE

THE JARDIANCE UNIVERSE

WHERE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE SPONTANEOUSLY BREAK INTO A CHOREOGRAPHED SONG AND DANCE ABOUT DIABETES MEDICINE

IS THIS THE ONLY SONG THEY HAVE

LIKE IS THE TOP 40 JUST 40 ENTRIES OF “THE JARDIANCE SONG” SUNG BY DIFFERENT PEOPLE

“THE JARDIANCE SONG (TAYLOR’S VERSION)”

THERE’S A THING YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT NOW

SORRY

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

WHAT IS GOING ON

WHY IS THIS COMPANY’S TECH GUY EXPLAINING MEDICINE

THAT’S NOT HIS JOB

THIS IS LIKE THE MAILMAN SITUATION FROM THE OTHER COMMERCIAL

WAIT

HOLD ON

DID HE JUST GOOGLE IT

IS THIS WHY HE’S HOLDING THE COMPUTER

TO READ IT OFF THE SCREEN

THAT SEEMS LIKE A WEIRD USE OF COMPANY RESOURCES

DOES NO ONE ELSE KNOW HOW TO USE THE INTERNET HERE

“HEY MIKE CAN YOU LOOK UP THE SCORE OF THE PHILLIES GAME FROM LAST NIGHT”

THAT IS NOT MIKE’S JOB

HE’S KEEPING THE SERVERS UP

LEAVE HIM ALONE

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

OKAY

PLEASE IMAGINE THIS LUNCH DELIVERY GUY EXPLAINING THIS WHOLE SCENE TO LITERALLY ANYONE

“IT WAS WEIRD I SHOWED UP WITH SOME SANDWICHES AND EVERYONE WAS JUST SINGING AND DANCING”

WHAT DOES THIS COMPANY EVEN DO

WHY ARE THERE ONLY THREE BOXES

WHAT IS EVERYONE ELSE EATING

HEY

LOOK AT OUR GUY MIKE OVER THERE

SHOWING THAT GUY HOW TO USE HIS SMARTPHONE???

JESUS CHRIST

POOR MIKE

HE’S HOLDING THIS ENTIRE COMPANY TOGETHER WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS DANCING

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE

WHY IS THIS MAN STARING AT THE BROKEN COPIER

WHO BROKE IT

WHAT IS HE MAKING COPIES OF ANYWAY

PRINTOUTS OF NEW DANCE STEPS

I MEAN THAT APPEARS TO BE THE ONLY THING GOING ON IN THIS OFFICE

AND EVEN THEN

WHO LEARNS DANCE STEPS FROM BLACK AND WHITE PRINTOUTS

JUST TEXT EVERYONE A YOUTUBE OR TIKTOK VIDEO OF THE DANCE

ASK MIKE FOR HELP

HE CAN TELL YOU HOW TO DO THAT

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

LOL

IT WAS UNPLUGGED

THE COPIER WAS UNPLUGGED

THAT WAS THE PROBLEM

THIS LEGITIMATELY MIGHT BE THE LEAST EFFICIENT BUSINESS I HAVE EVER SEEN

WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYONE’S A1C

WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS IN THOSE DELIVERY LUNCH BOXES

MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP TOO

SOMETHING TO CONSIDER

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

WAIT

HOLD ON

WAIT

WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE

WHY DOES THE OFFICE KITCHEN HAVE SLIDING WALLS THAT LOCK TOGETHER LIKE A PUZZLE

WHO THE HELL DESIGNED THIS

M.C. ESCHER

WAIT

IS THAT WHAT THEY DO AT THIS BUSINESS

BUILD AND SELL MOVABLE KITCHENS

THAT DOES NOT SEEM LIKE A PROFITABLE BUSINESS MODEL

I CANNOT IMAGINE MANY PEOPLE NEEDING OR EVEN WANTING ONE OF THESE

WHAT IF YOU ARE JUST HEATING UP SOME SOUP

AND THE WHOLE COUNTER MOVES

THESE PEOPLE CAN’T EVEN WORK THE COPIER

THIS SEEMS NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED

IMAGINE THE EMAILS MIKE GETS ABOUT THIS

“MIKE I BROKE THE KITCHEN AGAIN”

RE: BROKEN KITCHEN “DID YOU CHECK TO SEE IF IT WAS PLUGGED IN”

“AHHH THANKS MIKE”

POOR MIKE

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

OKAY

SO FIRST OF ALL

THE DELIVERY GUY IS STILL THERE

HE’S PART OF THE CHOREOGRAPHY NOW

LOOK AT HIM OVER ON THE LEFT

ALSO

IMAGINE YOU WALK IN HERE FOR A MEETING ABOUT A RIDICULOUS INTERLOCKING KITCHEN

LIKE YOU ARE THE CEO OF A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY AND YOU WANT TO INSTALL THEM IN ALL OF YOUR OFFICES AROUND THE WORLD

AND YOU GET THERE

AND EVERYONE IS JUST SINGING AND DANCING IN THE LOBBY

I MEAN

I DON’T KNOW

MAYBE THAT’S HOW THINGS GO IN THE JARDIANCE UNIVERSE

LIKE MAYBE YOU’D BE MORE CONCERNED IF THEY WEREN’T ALL SINGING

“IT SURE IS QUIET IN HERE… ALMOST… TOO QUIET”

DO YOU SEE

DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE

THEY REPLACED THE FIRST LADY AND SOMEHOW MADE IT ALL MORE CONFUSING

I NEED SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

MIKE

MIKE ARE YOU READING THIS

PLEASE

COME EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE

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Nick Saban Is Joining ESPN And Will Be On ‘College Gameday’

nick saban
Getty Image

When Nick Saban announced his rather sudden and fairly shocking retirement earlier this year, there was an expectation that he wouldn’t just completely disappear off to his lake house forever. Given how often he popped up on ESPN over the years as a guest on College GameDay and other programs, Saban was expected to be hotly pursued by the four-letter, especially now that they are the sole rights-holders for SEC football.

Sure enough, on Wednesday of Super Bowl week, ESPN announced Saban was joining the network as an analyst, primarily working on GameDay, but also joining the network’s coverage of the NFL Draft and more.

“ESPN and College GameDay have played such an important role in the growth of college football, and I’m honored to have the opportunity to join their team,” said Saban. “I’ll do my best to offer additional insights and perspectives to contribute to College GameDay, the ultimate Saturday tradition for college football fans.”

ESPN Chairman Jimmy Pitaro said: “Nick Saban is a singular, iconic presence in college football. He is also an extremely gifted communicator, who will immediately add even more credibility, authority and entertainment value to ESPN, including our esteemed College GameDay show.”

Saban has always been very good on television, and with Lee Corso transitioning into a much smaller role on GameDay, Saban is a natural fit to join the desk and provide his incredible knowledge of the sport and its inner-workings.

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The Absolute Best Whiskey Collections On The Market

Best Whiskey Collections
Shutterstock/UPROXX

Starting a whiskey collection is one thing. You add bottles here and there as you go. But buying an official whiskey collection is another endeavor entirely. Every year, big names in the spirits industry release full-on collections of whiskeys. These are not for the novice. Going all in on a whiskey collection often means spending thousands — sometimes tens of thousands — of dollars for extremely rare and unique collection whiskeys that you’ll likely never see again.

So where do you even start with a task like this? I’d argue that you start slowly and do a ton of research. And that research starts right now.

Below, I’m calling out four current whiskey collections that broadly represent whiskey as a category and are full of some pretty goddamn tasty bottles. We’ll be looking at one collection from the U.S. and three from Scotland (there are so many more, but we have to start somewhere). When looking at price, it’s important to remember that even with an inflated secondary market for rare and collectible whiskeys in the U.S., it’s nowhere near the level in price or rarity of Scotch whisky. You have to remember that the bourbons and ryes on this list are inflated prices (I list MSRPs too, for clarity). Whereas the Scotch whisky on this list is the actual suggested retail price without that secondary markup from retailers.

Pricing semantics aside, I curated this list to offer you some dream scenarios when buying a whisk(e)y collection. If you want to start with a significantly softer landing, I love recommending the Westward Whiskey: Columbia Collection, seen below.

Westward Whiskey: Columbia Collection
Westward Whiskey

This collection is a great place to dip your toes into the world of tasting a whiskey collection. It’s very unique American single malt from a great craft distiller. Plus, it’s only two bottles and you can get it right now for only $164. That’s not nothing, but I assure you — when you see the next prices it’s going to feel like a breeze.

Now let’s dive into the heavy hitters!

Check Out Our Best of Whiskey Lists for 2023:

COLLECTION #1: Glenfiddich Grand Series

Glenfiddich Grand Series
The Whisky Exchange

This collection is a small grouping of 20-plus-year-old Glenfiddich releases all with their own unique finish. The unpeated malt in each of these whiskies is a stellar example of how good older whisky can be when massaged in just the right ways by a finished barrel.

Total Price: ≈ $2,430

Glenfiddich Gran Reserva Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 21 Years

Glenfiddich 21
William Grant & Sons

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $188

The Whisky:

Rum casks and sweet single malts are a great match. This whisky starts by mellowing for 21 years in ex-bourbon casks before that whisky is transferred to Caribbean rum barrels for a final rest. That whisky is then blended and proofed down for bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This is very “perfume” driven on the nose with plenty of sticky toffee pudding — the dates, nutmeg, toffee, vanilla, everything — leading to a hint of cherry bark and old leather.

Palate: The palate has a thin line of cream soda with more of that floral perfume, woody cinnamon apple, and a bit of sultana and prunes.

Finish: The finish leans into the florals and honey as a waft of freshly baked banana bread floats past and the creaminess amps up towards a kind of a Key lime pie vibe.

Bottom Line:

This is a lovely and subtle pour of unpeated single malt. There’s a nice sense of bourbon that’s accented by rumminess that’s more like a concentrated rum perfume than a pull off a rum bottle. Overall, this is a slow sipper that sings over a large rock.

Glenfiddich Grand Cru Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 23 Years

Glenfiddich 23
William Grant & Sons

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $260

The Whisky:

It’s all in the name of this yearly special release from Glenfiddich. The whisky in the bottle matures for over 23 years in both ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks before it’s vatted and then filled into French Cuvée casks that held champagne. That whisky is then cut down to proof and bottled just in time for the holiday season, rounding out the Grand Reserve yearly collection.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This is straight-up classic malt on the nose with stewed apples and pears with a slight tartness and floral impression over a buttery brioche with a hint of maple woodiness.

Palate: The palate is lush and supple with a vanilla foundation and layers of pear candy, old toffees, creamed honey, and orchard wood with a sweet side.

Finish: The end has a pear and apple skin ambiance that leads to barks, cores, and stems with soft floral honey and a tiny bit of proofing water.

Bottom Line:

This is quintessential unpeated malt from top to bottom. This is the pour you hand to someone who wants the best but also the most comforting pour of whisky. There are no rough edges and every moment of this pour will feel like going home again.

Glenfiddich Grande Couronne Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 26 Years

Glenfiddich Grande Couronne Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 26 Years
William Grant & Sons

ABV: 43.8%

Average Price: $529

The Whisky:

Glenfiddich Grande Couronne spends over 25 years resting in ex-bourbon casks. Once those casks are selected and vatted, the new whisky goes into super rare French cognac casks for a final rest before vatting, proofing, and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: That French oak presents on the nose with a rush of vanilla bean, soft brioche, and a deep and caramelized apple tarte tatin with plenty of woody winter spice and soft buttery pastry.

Palate: A hint of almond, a touch of pear, and a whisper of espresso cream dance on the palate as the caramel and apple from the tarte tatin play with soft and sweet oakiness that’s just kissed by pipe tobacco.

Finish: That soft oak delivers a touch of an old wine cellar as the gentle tobacco takes on notes of pear and apple with a soft cinnamon, nutmeg, and cedar vibe at the very end.

Bottom Line:

This is a subtle and delicious whisky. It’s like a walk through a Parisian boulangerie just as the pastries are coming out of the oven. It’s delicate and divine as a sipper.

Glenfiddich Grand Yozakura Aged 29 Years Single Malt Scotch Whisky

Glenfiddich Grand Yozakura
William Grant and Sons

ABV: 45.1%

Average Price: $1,453

The Whisky:

This brand-new limited edition from Glenfiddich is their first foray into Japanese barrel finishing. After 29 years (!) in American oak and re-fill oak, the whisky is vatted and refilled into an ex-Awamori cask — an Okinawan rice spirit of sorts — for another nine months of mellowing. Those barrels were then batched and bottled with a hint of proofing water.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose is immediately amazing with deep notes of caramelized orange and grapefruit peels rolled in roasted almonds, allspice, and salt with a hint of confectioner’s sugar leading to this toffee maltiness and dark leathery fruitiness just kissed with creamy vanilla/chocolate before a hint of dried savory herbs sneaks in with a touch of old oak.

Palate: That ultra creamy vanilla and toffee lean into that soft oakiness and caramelized maltiness with a hint of green apple tartness and old wicker baskets full of tree barks next to date tobacco and salted caramel chocolate ganache.

Finish: That tobacco takes on a sticky toffee pudding and mincemeat pie vibe as the creaminess just keeps getting creamier on the long spice malt finish.

Bottom Line:

This might be the best Glenfiddich of the modern era. It’s so deep, nuanced, unique, surprising, and inviting. There’s so much going on with this one, so take your time and really dive deep when tasting/sipping. Add water as needed, go back in, and let it take you on a journey.

COLLECTION #2: Buffalo Trace Antique Collection 2023

Buffalo Trace Antique Collection 2023
Sazerac Company

This is pretty much the most sought-after collection of American whiskeys in the 21st century. The five whiskeys from the famed Buffalo Trace Distillery in Frankfort, Kentucky, are truly special small batches of the distillery’s best barrels from four of their iconic brands.

The ripple here is that these whiskeys are rarely found at their suggested retail price. That makes finding these whiskeys a journey in and of itself.

Total Price: $625 (MSRP)/$7,921 (secondary retail)

George T. Stagg Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Barrel Proof

George T. Stagg Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Barrel Proof
Sazerac Company

ABV: 67.5%

Average Price: $1,199

The Whiskey:

2023’s batch of George T. Stagg was distilled in the spring of 2008 and left to rest in warehouses C, I, K, L, and M around the Frankfort Buffalo Trace campus. After 15 long years of rest, the barrels were batched and bottled 100% as-is at cask strength.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with a classic sense of Cherry Coke, old leather tobacco pouches, and rich buttercream made with real vanilla next to fall leaves in an orchard and then this sense of Neoplotian ice cream creeps in that leans toward the strawberry and chocolate ice cream part.

Palate: The palate opens with a deep sense of an apple orchard on a cold fall day with leaves underfoot next to deeply-seeded dark cherry, cinnamon bark, clove buds, and allspice berries with a sense of the Neopolitan ice cream popping up again late.

Finish: The creamy vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry drive the finish back toward the old orchards, fall leaves, rickhouse floors, and soft cherry-spiced tobacco leaves rolled with cedar and smudging sage with a nice warming Kentucky hug on the very end.

Bottom Line:

This is an excellent barrel-proof whiskey that goes far beyond the ABV bombs that the brand is known for. There’s real nuance here — if you take your time with it by adding water and taking your time while tasting. If you’re skittish, pour this over a big rock and enjoy the bold AF ride.

Sazerac Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey 18 Years Old

Sazerac Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey 18 Years Old
Sazerac Company

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $1,799

The Whiskey:

2023’s Sazerac is a “collection of rye whiskey barrels” that were filled in both the fall of 2004 and the spring of 2005, making this an 18-year-old rye with a touch of 19-year-old juice. Those barrels spent all of those years on the Buffalo Trace campus in warehouses K, L, and M before batching, proofing, and bottling otherwise as-is.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Leathery spice barks draw you in on the nose with a deep sense of rye bread crusted with aniseed, clove-studded oranges, and a hint of sweet pear.

Palate: Classic notes of dark winter spice mingle with black pepper, cumin, and chili pepper powder on the palate as candied BBQ pork and new leather lead to a vanilla-laden mid-palate with a soft oakiness.

Finish: That soft oakiness leads to a light and fresh honey sweetness with a light sense of pine and cinnamon bark dipped in hot apple cider with a hint of barrelhouse lurking behind it all.

Bottom Line:

This is an excellent American rye whiskey. The lower proof means that you can dive right in with a neat pour and really revel in the deep and pronounced flavor profile. Then make a killer Manhattan or Sazerac with this one. They’ll be fantastic cocktails.

William Larue Weller Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Barrel Proof

William Larue Weller Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Barrel Proof
Sazerac Company

ABV: 66.8%

Average Price: $1,975

The Whiskey:

This is Buffalo Trace’s classic wheated bourbon. 2023’s Weller BTAC was distilled back in the spring of 2011 and left to rest in warehouses C, L, M, and N for 12 long years. Those barrels were batched and this whiskey was bottled 100% as-is at cask strength.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Deep and dark candied black cherry mingles with dry cedar bark, molasses, real vanilla beans, nutty brown butter, and old leather rolled in pipe tobacco and just kissed with smoldering sage and dry chili pepper flakes.

Palate: The palate opens with a full blast of ABVs, making the front of your tongue tingle, as floral honey, cherry cobbler topped with vanilla ice cream, and brown butter streusel cut with nutmeg, cinnamon, and clove lead to a hint of dry orange tobacco.

Finish: Cinnamon sticks and clove buds floating in maple syrup arrive on the finish with a sense of old leather boots, the oak in an old rickhouse, orchard barks, and soft notes of vanilla and cherry cake.

Bottom Line:

This is the best of the best when talking about the Buffalo Trace Antique Collection from 2023. This is just astoundingly delicious whiskey — bourbon or not.

Thomas H. Handy Straight Rye Whiskey Barrel Proof

Thomas H. Handy Straight Rye Whiskey Barrel Proof
Sazerac Company

ABV: 62.45%

Average Price: $749

The Whiskey:

2023’s Handy is straight rye (oddly “Kentucky” is missing from the label) comprised of barrels aged for over six years. Once those barrels were batched, this whiskey went into the bottles 100% as-is at cask strength.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Leathery orange rinds and hints of lemon poppyseed cake pop on the nose along with sappy pine bark, salted caramel, and cumin- and chili-laced leathery tobacco.

Palate: Dark rye bread appears on the front of the palate with a hint of molasses sweetness before the ABVs create a buzzing on the tongue with deep and dark orange marmalade, piney honey, soft vanilla oils, and a hint of potpourri leatheriness on the mid-palate.

Finish: That potpourri vibe mellowing fades on the finish as vanilla and star fruit arrive with a sense of dried chili and star anise hint at black licorice and sarsaparilla bark on the dry end.

Bottom Line:

This is one of the best Handy releases since the late aughts. It’s very unique and floral-forward, so take your time and find your place in the profile, and then revel in that moment. You’ll be rewarded with a unique and delicious pour of whiskey.

Eagle Rare Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 17 Years Old

Eagle Rare Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 17 Years Old
Sazerac Company

ABV: 50.5%

Average Price: $2,199

The Whiskey:

This year’s Eagle Rare ended up being 19 years and three months old (the “17 Years” on the label denotes the youngest barrels used for the brand overall). This year’s release was distilled and barreled back in the spring of 2004 and then left to rest all those years around the Buffalo Trace campuses in warehouses C, I, K, M, and Q. Once the barrels were batched, the whiskey was proofed and bottled as-is otherwise.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose is like eating a moist and perfectly balanced Black Forest cake while walking through an old barrel house and out into a fallow fruit orchard with fall leaves crunchy underfoot and rain barely misty the air with hints of cinnamon cake, smudging sage, and sweetgrass rounding things out.

Palate: Orange cake and salted caramel lead on the palate with a sense of dark chocolate tobacco moving the mid-palate toward dry roasting herbs and a touch of nuttiness.

Finish: Cinnamon sticks and nutmeg pop up on the finish with a hint of vanilla buttercream and eggnog before the spices dry out with a sense of mince meat pie and old leather tobacco pouches.

Bottom Line:

This is the quintessential Kentucky bourbon. This is the stuff you pour for a pro when they want a perfect bourbon pour. It also makes an incredible old fashioned.

COLLECTION #3: The Dalmore Cask Curation Series

This new collection from The Dalmore is a masterclass on how Spanish sherry can influence single malt (and how to do it right). These whiskies are like a Ph.D. course in whisky while still holding onto being 100% delicious.

Total price: $37,500 (set of three)

The Dalmore Cask Curation Series The Sherry Edition Aged 26 Years Finished in Tare González Byass 2002 Vintage Cask no. 4

The Dalmore 26 Curated Cask
Whyte & Mackay

ABV: 48.2%

Average Price: $37,500 (set of three)

The Whiskey:

This new release is the youngest of three elite whiskies that The Dalmore is dropping. This very limited edition bottle is hewn from The Dalmore’s iconic malt that spent years aging in ex-bourbon casks. The whisky was batched and then re-barreled into a González Byass 2002 Vintage Sherry Cask (Cask #4) for years more of aging until just right. The final product was bottled 100% as-is to highlight the beauty of that finishing barrel on classic The Dalmore.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose draws you in with a bright sense of caramelized oranges, fresh floral honey, and ripe off-the-vine apricots with a deep sense of rich vanilla pods, dry cacao, and fresh almonds with a hint of cherry syrup.

Palate: Raisin-heavy spiced cakes are cut with bright orange zest on the palate as cherry syrup leads to almond cookies cut with vanilla oils and a sense of sultanas baking in the hot sun.

Finish: There’s a buttery sense of a fresh croissant on the finish next to creamy espresso for sipping, ginger rock candy, and lush vanilla cake cut with more orange oil, almond, and poppy seed.

Bottom Line:

This is one of the lightest and freshest The Dalmores in a while. The soft brightness of the Spanish sherry oak shifts this whisky to something unique and kind of new. It’s wildly bright with a soft sweetness that transports you to a sunny vineyard in Spain with grapes fermenting on the stem all around you as you sip a subtly delectable single malt.

The Dalmore Cask Curation Series The Sherry Edition Aged 28 Years Finished in Very Rare Gonzalez Byass 30-year-old Matusalem Sherry Cask

The Dalmore 28yo
Whyte & Mackay

ABV: 55.3%

Average Price: $37,500 (set of three)

The Whisky:

This whisky starts off with The Dalmore’s ex-bourbon-cask-aged single malt. That whisky was then transferred into a 30-year-old Matusalem Oloroso Sherry, which is a dark, sweet, and spicy sherry with plummy depths. After a long rest, the whisky was bottled at cask strength to let all those dark sherry notes shine in the whisky.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Black-tea-soaked dates, old leathery prunes, and rum-soaked raisins drive the nose toward black licorice ropes, dark and creamy honey with a hint of summer flowers, and a bright burst of star fruit with a deep sense of bourbon vanilla beneath it all.

Palate: Mincemeat pies and sticky toffee pudding (cut with orange zest and salted toffee) drive the lush palate toward bold marmalade, brandy-soaked pears cut with marzipan, and more of that black licorice with a hint of absinth candy.

Finish: Black cherries soaked in brandy and dipped in salted dark chocolate arrive late on the finish with a sense of sasparilla bark, dark molasses, and more of that mince meat pie vibe next to candied orange tobacco and whispers of cedar.

Bottom Line:

This feels like The Dalmore turned up to MAX volume. If you’re a fan of the distillery, this will be a delight for your senses. It’s deep and dark Christmas-y malt that’s layered with dark, sweet, and spicy sherry that feels black and syrupy. Pour this over a single rock and you’ll be set for sipping all year long.

The Dalmore Cask Curation Series The Sherry Edition Aged 43 Years Finished in Very Rare Gonzalez 30-year-old Apostoles Sherry Cask

The Dalmore 43yo
Whyte & Mackay

ABV: 46.8%

Average Price: $37,500 (set of three)

The Whisky:

This long-aged version takes whisky that spends decades resting in ex-bourbon and batches it. That whisky is then refilled into a 30-year-old Apostoles sherry cask, which is a very sweet, spicy, and plummy sherry with deep woody depths. Once just right, the whisky was bottled at cask strength 100% as-is.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Summer honeycombs piled with bright and fresh oranges greet you on the nose with a sense of fire-roasted chestnuts, fresh raisins, sultanas, meaty dates, and a deep sense of bourbon vanilla with a touch of almond oil.

Palate: The vanilla gets vibrant and rich on the front of the palate as sweet orange binds with dark chocolate just flaked with salt next to huckleberry, black currant, and grapefruit pith with a flutter of oaky tobacco.

Finish: Apricot jam over a sweet and soft scone with a buttery edge drives the finish toward a more juicy orange cut with sharp cinnamon, chocolate, and sea salt next to grilled pineapple studded with cloves and nutmeg.

Bottom Line:

This is a magical pour of whisky that somehow holds onto its bright and cheery youth while delivering some of the deepest flavor notes possible. It’s a completely unique The Dalmore experience with a deep sense of a warm day in Spain softly layered with delectable single malt.

COLLECTION #3: Diageo Prima & Ultima 2023

Diageo Prima & Ultima 2023
Diageo

The Diageo Prima & Ultima 2023 Collection is a mix of Diageo single malts from iconic and extinct distilleries around Scotland. The whiskies are made from barrels that were lost to time, looked after by Scotch whisky legends, and some of the most unique casks that have ever existed from actual bygone eras.

This collection is not for the light of heart. There are whiskies in this grouping that we will never see again. That means that you really have to be committed to paying some serious scratch to be part of it.

Total Price: ≈ $48,000

Brora Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1977

Brora Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1977
Diageo

ABV: 48.2%

Average Price: $14,999

The Whisky:

This whisky from Brora — a Highland distillery that was dormant from 1983 to 2021 — is a true throwback to a different era. The whisky was made from the last hogsheads that were filled on December 15th, 1977, marking the last whiskies made at the distillery from the “Age of Peat”. That makes this very rare bottling a peek into whiskies that simply aren’t made anymore.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with a soft sense of a beeswax candle next to baby oil, soft milky toffees, and a touch of salted sugar candy with a whisper of soft fireplace smoke lurking far in the background.

Palate: That baby oil softens the palate as the smoke kicks up from that fireplace with a sense of woody spice barks and cedar shreds next to a soft ginger-spiced apple cake with a touch of red pepper flakes adding warmth to the tongue.

Finish: The ginger kicks up on the end with a candied vibe before soft dry mushrooms and firewood bark lead to a soft chewing tobacco kissed with sharp spearmint, old oak, and more of those spice barks.

Bottom Line:

This is a pretty amazing pour of whisky. The smoky peat is so dialed back and reminiscent of a home hearth that you almost don’t even register that it’s peated. It’s homey and lush with a nice spice to remind you that you’re alive.

Clynelish Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1996

Clynelish Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1996
Diageo

ABV: 52%

Average Price: $2,199

The Whisky:

Clynelish is known for consistency. That makes this special release unique in that it’s the last of its kind. It’s a batching of two experimental casks from the brand’s warehouses — Pedro Ximenez and Oloroso sherry oak — that were filled back in 1996.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose is so soft and supple with a touch of orange and grapefruit oils leading to a whisper of softly polished wood with this deeply hidden sense of smoke coming off a freshly snuffed vanilla candle wick.

Palate: The palate is lush and almost viscous with a deep sense of apples fresh off the tree next to burnt toffee rolled in almonds and dusted with French vanilla chocolate powder and kissed with a moment of dried ancho chili powder that’s almost smoldering.

Finish: The finish veers into the spiced chili curve with a sense of bright red chili before a punch of salt arrives to calm everything down toward that burnt toffee, soft vanilla candle wick, and moments of vanilla chocolate tobacco flakes just touched by flame.

Bottom Line:

This a mind-bending pour of Scotch whisky. It all somehow makes sense but you just have to go with it. Adding drops of water will really open up the candle, vanilla, and apple toffee with a creamy sense of all three. Take your time and this one will reward you.

Lagavulin Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1997

Lagavulin Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1997
Diageo

ABV: 50.7%

Average Price: $2,899

The Whisky:

These are the last barrels from the “Golden Year” at Lagavulin. Filled in 1997, this is the last whisky made and barreled by whisky legend Mike Nicolson. The bottling is a throwback to a different time for Lagavulin as a distillery, kind of like an oak time machine to the past.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This nose is bold and peated AF with a sense of old Ace bandages that have just caught on fire next to a tire yard before mellowing toward birch water-soaked acacia in a smoldering campfire while a pot of green boils over the spitting and sputtering flames with a touch of sea breeze and rock candy rounding things out.

Palate: The silken palate leads you to soft notes of dirty carrots and parsnips with a sense of salted rock candy, seawater-soaked logs on a smoky campfire, and burning roasting herbs that have been soaked in beef tallow.

Finish: That campfire smoke goes from blue to white to clear as the flames kick up and wood turns to coal in the dirt below with a fleeting sense of salted sweet carrots, old burnt steak bones, and soft notes of the sea breeze through orchard trees.

Bottom Line:

This is the Lagavulin of yore, folks. It’s bold, brash, meaty, funky, salty, and smoky. You want to eat a steak off the flame when drinking this stuff. This is haggis with a side of neeps and tatties sipping whisky. I know it’s an old chestnut, but this is the sort of whisky that puts hair on your chest.

Pittyvaich Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1992

Pittyvaich Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1992
Diageo

ABV: 55.5%

Average Price: $1,995

The Whisky:

PIttyvaich closed for good in 1993. This whisky was made with the last butts of Pedro Ximénez and Oloroso left. That means that this will be the last Pittyvaich 30-Year released.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Dark fruits — cherry, prune, currant, raspberry — are soaked in mulled wine and dark and spicy sherry on the nose with a sense of dark spiced Christmas cakes with minced meat, orange oils, and vanilla paste lurking the background next to a touch of creamy chocolate that’s almost stale.

Palate: Those dark sherry-soaked fruits drive the palate toward dry red wine that’s oaky and tobacco-filled next to soft chocolate that’s just kissed with cinnamon and red chili flakes before a moment of brioche and marmalade sneaks in.

Finish: The peppery tobacco kicks up on the finish as the mulled wine spices and dark fruits stew toward a soft winter cake with plenty of minced meat and almost rumminess before brandy-soaked cherries dipped in dark chocolate layered with tobacco on the very end.

Bottom Line:

This is dark, spicy, and fruity whisky that shines as an after-dinner sipper, especially in colder months. It’s also the last of its kind, so maybe pour it sparingly.

Oban Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1996

Oban Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1996
Diageo

ABV: 55.2%

Average Price: $1,699

The Whisky:

This whisky is also the last of its kind. It’s made with the very last barrels filled in 1996 in Oban. The barrels used were refill European oak, adding a subtly to the aging over the decades.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: A soft sense of a seaside amusement park draws you in on the nose — salt water taffy, buttery salt, freshly chucked oysters, candied apples, candied nuts — before a light sense of a faraway beach campfire with a touch of cinnamon tobacco lurks behind everything.

Palate: Stewed pear and candied apple are both dipped in sea salt as a hint of smoldering nori drives the taste toward gentle hints of old dock boards, lobster traps, and a hint of chili pepper floating over smoked oyster shells.

Finish: The end leans back toward the taffy with a hint of orange oils and beeswax before soft tobacco with a slight chew arrives with brandied pear and apple cut with soft cinnamon and nutmeg next to smoldering driftwood.

Bottom Line:

This is a soft and subtle peated malt. It’s very reminiscent of old days by the sea with sweets, seafood, and campfires trying to escape from a very deep memory in your mind.

Port Ellen Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1978

Port Ellen Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1978
Diageo

ABV: 53.4%

Average Price: $16,147

The Whisky:

This whisky hails from the iconic Port Ellen Distillery on Islay, which just reopened in 2023. This whisky was made from the last four American oak hogsheads that were filled in 1978. Over all of those years, whisky legend Iain MacArthur tended to these barrels until they were just right for bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: There’s a moment of looking up a cold chimney flue at the top of the nose that leads toward walking down a sea-sprayed rock jetty as the fishing boats come in before soft and creamy fudge takes over with a good pinch of salt and a smear of wet coal draws the nose out.

Palate: The palate is almost oily — like a classic Islay peated malt — with a deep sense of smoked seaweed next to a beach fire stacked with old oyster and clam shells with dried red chilis smoldering nearby with a hint of Scotch broom wafting nearby.

Finish: That chili spice kicks up on the ned as the salty water calms the end down toward a touch of chewing tobacco, old sea stones, and linseed oil on old gloves.

Bottom Line:

This is a very acquired taste whisky. It’s a prime example of how unforgiving Islay peated malt used to be, and that’s what kind of makes it brilliant.

The Singleton Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1985

The Singleton Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1985
Diageo

ABV: 47.7%

Average Price: $2,899

The Whisky:

This whisky was made from barrels that were lost to time in an old Dufftown warehouse. The batch was made from the last The Singleton of Dufftown casks from 1985, closing the book on that era’s whiskies.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Stewed pears with saffron and soft apple sauce cut with nutmeg and cinnamon glide the nose toward a mix of almond and coconut rolled in oats, buttery pastry, and raisins as poached apricots and a hint of yellow melon skin arrive late.

Palate: The palate is lush and full of those stewed and poached fruits layered with spice barks and buds next to soft notes of slate before a hint of banana bread with walnuts and plenty of salted butter arrives.

Finish: The end gets even softer as the spice from the fruits and banana bread fades toward dry old oak staves with a hint of birchbark and an old wine cellar evokes a dry yet soft finish.

Bottom Line:

This is the most approachable whisky in 2023’s Prima & Ultima Collection. This is so easy to sip on its own while delivering a beautifully supple unpeated malt experience. Drop in a little water to find a creamy vanilla-forward depth.

Talisker Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1976

Talisker Single Malt Scotch Whisky 1976
Diageo

ABV: 50.9%

Average Price: $5,999

The Whisky:

This is a special whisky is two ways. First, this was made during a once-in-a-lifetime heatwave that hit the Isle of Skye in 1976. This weather event made the still run too hot, which created a longer and broader contact between the copper and distillate. The whisky was barreled and left untouched for 46 years. This leads us to … Second, this is the oldest ever Talisker release to date.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The sea breeze is bottled on this nose in a way that transports you there instantly before leaning into old leather pouches that held dried prunes, apricots, and pears next to soft whisps of beachside campfire smoke over lava rocks with a nice sense of oyster liqueur and shallow pools full of sea life and florae nearby.

Palate: The palate is luxurious with a deep sense of sweet and spiced pear and plum next to a soft note of woody oaky spice and red peppercorn before salted leather and bivalves arrive with a note of smoked tinned oysters and sardines over a soft brioche with a light smear of whipped butter.

Finish: The pears, plums, and apricots get dry and smoked with a sweet/spicy vibe as the finish mellows toward soft oak soaked in seawater, piles of old clam nailed on driftwood fence, and a whisper of minty chewing tobacco.

Bottom Line:

This is a masterpiece. It’s the sort of whisky that opens your senses up to things long forgotten while deeply offering comfort.