Month: February 2024

If you’re seriously into whiskey, then you know never to skip the whiskey aisles at Duty-Free at Frankfurt, Heathrow, Narita, Sydney, Schiphol, and beyond while awaiting an international flight. You’ll find hidden gems, crazy deals, and you might even find something no one else has. Yes, there are tons and tons of bottles of whiskey lining shelves at good liquor stores like Total Wine, Liquor Barn, Spec’s, Binny’s, and so many more. But those stores are missing an entire sub-set of whiskeys from massive brands to smaller operators — the Traveler or “Duty-Free” whiskey expressions.

Duty-free shopping is one of the best places to score some of the best bottles of whiskey at any given time. Yes, this requires international travel. That is an extra expense. I get that. But if you’re traveling already, then not picking up a special bottle of whiskey from Duty-Free on the way home is leaving amazing whiskey behind (and money on the table). Especially considering that a ton of great whiskeys are only released for Duty-Free shopping. We’re talking about bottles you won’t see anywhere else (outside of the secondary or aftermarket for huge price hikes).

Plus, you’ll be able to buy standards tax-free (more on that later). A win-win!

Below, I’m calling out five hard and fast rules to live by when shopping at Duty-Free for whiskey. Before we dive in, I want to clarify something. I’ll be addressing buying bottles from standard Duty-Free shops in the terminal. Serval countries’ airports have Duty-Free on the exit side of things (usually after customs). Places like Iceland, Sweden, UAE, the UK, and so on do this so that you can buy alcohol to bring into the country as tourists/locals for consumption. This is a whole different thing and is more about exorbitant alcohol taxes in the country you’re visiting than scoring deals/special bottles. I’ll be specifically covering Duty-Free shopping in international terminals for travel to and from a place while you’re waiting for your flight.

Make sense? Let’s go!

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Duty-Free Whiskey Rule 1 — Know The Laws

The biggest first step is educating yourself. There are laws that — if not followed — will cost you time and money. You can legally bring 1 liter of spirits/liquor into the U.S. from Duty-Free shopping. Hence, you’ll see that a lot of the bottles at Duty-Free are 1-liter bottles.

Here comes the “but”…

But each passenger can bring 5 liters of spirits/liquor into the U.S. if it’s checked in that passenger’s checked bags. Quick story: When traveling with a friend, we checked in, went through security, hit Duty-Free, and then exited back out and filled up a suitcase (that we left in a locker) with five 1-liter bottles and then dropped the bags at bag drop, and carried right on.

So there are ways to actually get a pretty large haul without breaking the rules. Traveling with buddies or family helps. Still, know the law. Stay within it. Otherwise, you might lose some bottles to a nosey customs agent.

Duty-Free Whiskey Rule 2 — Don’t Buy Obvious Bottles

This is the “no duh!” of it all. Don’t buy regular bottles of booze from Duty-Free that you can get at any old liquor store or corner shop at home. Yes, it’s “tax-free” at Duty-Free in the airports. But you’re not allowed to buy enough to have that really make a difference.

That bottle of regular-ass Jim Beam above is €13. That’s $14. And it’s a half-liter bottle (the standard is .75l…!). A regular .75l bottle of Beam at Total Wine is $15.

This applies to Scotch and Japanese whiskies too. If it’s a standard bottle that everyone’s heard of, it’s not worth your time or money to buy at Duty-Free. Sometimes, you’ll see 2-for-1 deals on standard bottles — two bottles of Jack or Jameson or Chivas for one — but even then it’s barely worth it.

Why? Because you have a specific amount of alcohol that you can travel with and you’ll be wasting the bounty available to you with something that you can get anywhere anytime for basically the same price (and sometimes even less).

Duty-Free Whiskey Rule 3 — “Traveler Exclusive/Edition” Is The Most Important Term

This is why we’re here. Yes, I buried the lede. These are the whiskeys that you want to buy. All the major brands release expressions — often stellar ones — that are only available at “Travel Retail”.

A great example of this last year was Jack Daniel’s American Single Malt Whiskey. It’s a “Traveler Exclusive” and is only available at Duty-Free shops in airports.

From there, the list runs deep. You can find high-age statement single malt Scotch whiskies that you might not have even heard of. You can find those impossible-to-find Japanese whiskies that everyone clamors for. You can find special barrel finishes that don’t see the light of day outside of airports. You’ll see bottles of your favorite brands that you’ve never seen on U.S. shores. It’s a true bounty. There’s a little something for everyone when it comes to Traveler’s Exclusive releases. The best part is that they’ll all be at MSRP without tax.

How do you find these hidden gems? They’ll be clearly marked either on the label or the price tag (or even aisle) as “Exclusives” — you can’t miss them. And if you do, simply ask. There are always super helpful people at Duty-Free whiskey shops with all the answers you’ll need answering.

Duty-Free Whiskey Rule 4 — Search For Deals/Sales

It’s also worth just having a stroll. Sometimes on side shelves, by cash registers, and hidden away in corners behind some glass, you’ll find sales, discounted items, and “must-go” prices. I’ve found a super rare Jack Daniel’s Gold Label marked down 60% at Edinburgh’s Duty-Free. I bought the last two.

I’ve also seen (and bought) some marked-down Bowmore’s, Taliskers, The Macallans, Ardbegs, and so many more from the previous year’s vintage that were taking up space for the incoming new vintages. In Heathrow, was able to buy a 30-year-old Bowmore for 50% off simply because it was a 2021 vintage and the 2022s had already arrived. I had to look for the bottle — it was sort of hidden on the far end of a glassed-in aisle — but finding it saved me over $1,000 off the original sticker price.

Admittedly, this is a rarer way to shop Duty-Free whiskey. It’s a sort of right place, right time vibe. Still, you could get amazingly lucky and find a true gem for an amazing price.

Duty-Free Whiskey Rule 5 — Plan Ahead And Win

Another great way to master Duty-Free whiskey shopping in 2024 is to use the Internet. Most huge airports have their Duty-Free shopping online now. You can “click and collect” on special deals, watch sales, and keep track of what’s coming in.

• Heathrow’s online Duty-Free shop pretty much gives you 10% off any bottle with some bottles marked down 20%. If you’re looking at a $1,000 bottle, that’s a significant savings.
• Frankfurt is another big online retailer that you can use beforehand and collect when you’re at the airport. They also deliver to addresses in Germany — like hotel rooms.
• Tokyo-Narita is another good online shop to peruse before you travel. There are a ton of super unique whiskies available there that you simply won’t see anywhere else at legitimately great suggested retail prices. Just make sure to have the currency converter pulled up on your phone.
• Schiphol (Amsterdam) has a cool “Shop & Collect” program where your purchased items will be waiting for you in a locker in the middle of the main terminal (once you pass security and immigration). You get a code, find the lockers, and voila! There’s your booze.

And look, it’s really easy, folks. Simply Google “(Airport name) Duty-Free shopping” and you’ll be taken to these online shops if they’re they exist. From there, you can figure it out pretty easily.

The Amaretto Sour is a magical drink. It’s naturally sweet and nutty, on the lower end of the alcohol spectrum, and hella frothy and creamy. It has everything to make it the perfect ease back into drinking cocktail for “Wet February”.

The Amaretto Sour has gone through a bit of a facelift over the past 20 years or so. Jeffery Morganthaler of Portland’s famed Pacific Standard re-invented the drink in the early 2010s. He elevated the sipper from a simple mix of Amaretto and sour mix into a proper sour with real depth and a touch of bourbon kick, egg white creaminess, and lemony goodness.

Below, I’ll be making a now-classic Morganthaler Amaretto Sour, which has become the standard at most bars worldwide. It’s delightfully delicious and easy enough to shake that you’ll be shaking up more than one once you get the hang of it.

Let’s dive in!

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Amaretto Sour

Ingredients

• 1.5 oz. Amaretto
• 0.5 oz. bourbon
• 1 oz. fresh lemon juice
• 0.25 oz. simple syrup
• 1 medium egg white
• Lemon peel
• Amarena cherries
• Ice

Morganthaler’s Amaretto Sour calls for a high-proof or cask-strength bourbon. And that’s great. I lean more toward a standard-proof bourbon with great depth and profile. For me, that’s something like Rabbit Hole’s Cavehill Four-Grain Bourbon. It’s a wonderful and balanced bourbon where a little goes a long way.

The rest is all easily found anywhere good liquor and groceries are sold.

What You’ll Need:

• Rocks glass
• Cocktail shaker
• Cocktail strainer
• Paring knife
• Hand juicer
• Fine strainer
• Barspoon
• Jigger
• Cocktail stick

Method:

• Fill the rocks glass with ice and set aside.
• Add the Amaretto, bourbon, lemon juice, simple, and egg white to a cocktail shaker. Affix the lid and shake without ice for 15 seconds.
• Pop the lid and add a handful of fresh ice to the shaker, reaffix the lid, and then shake for another 15 seconds or until the shaker is frosted over and ice-cold to touch.
• Pop the lid and strain the cocktail into the waiting rocks glass. You’ll need to really shake out the foam as you strain.
• Peel a thin stripe of lemon peel and twist it over the cocktail, making a twirled pigtail. Spear two cherries and garnish the glass with the cherries and lemon peel. Serve.

Bottom Line:

Yeah, this is a winner. It’s so creamy and lush with a deep nuttiness — thanks to the hazelnut liqueur. The lemon really brightens it up and gives the boozy foundation and a nice balance of sweet and tart. The sweetness does come through with a touch of sugar syrup and a very sweet Amaretto base.

Look, it’s a great cocktail. It’s easy enough to make. So, hit up the liquor store and shake one up. You’ll be very pleasantly surprised by this one.

Matthew Ables’ family had a Magic Kingdom coupon book from 1978 sitting in a desk drawer and he thought it was an old souvenir.

“It’s been collecting dust since before I was born and I always assumed it was an old family keepsake until I realized that it’s never been used and there’s no expiration date,” he said while inspecting the ticket book with a magnifying glass, in a TikTok video with over 9 million views.

“Which means I’ve either found the golden ticket here, or I’m delusional thinking that the Mouse is going to let me use it to get inside nearly half a century later,” he continued.

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So, he flew to Orlando, Florida, to see if it would work.

I tried getting into Disney World using a 46 year old ticket #disneyworld #disney #themepark #funny #fyp

@matthewables

I tried getting into Disney World using a 46 year old ticket #disneyworld #disney #themepark #funny #fyp

Upon arriving at a ticket booth at the Magic Kingdom, Matthew got nervous because the woman who worked there began “aggressively” stamping “VOID” on his coupon book and then left. Luckily, she returned with a yellow ticket he could use to get into the park.

It’s fantastic that Disney honored the ticket even though it was 46 years old. Especially because today, that would have cost $164, which shows that Disney World prices have risen much, much higher than inflation.

If ticket prices rose with inflation, it would only cost $37.64 to get into the Magic Kingdom in 2024.

Some of the commenters on the video noted that people showing up with extremely old tickets isn’t uncommon at Disney parks. “I used to work Magic Kingdom Guest Relations. This exact scenario would happen a few times a week!” Allison wrote.

Science educator, astrophysicist and author Neil deGrasse Tyson has an incredible talent for taking complex ideas about the cosmos and making them more accessible for the average person to understand.

In a clip from a conversation with Steve Berlett on the “Diary of a CEO Podcast,” Tyson flips the script and uses the cosmos to help us better understand ourselves. But there’s one big problem getting in the way of coming to this universal understanding: our egos.

“Your ego is incompatible with the cosmic perspective,” Tyson says in the clip. “The cosmic perspective shows you how small we are, in size, in time, in space, and if you go in with a high ego, you might resist that. You might say, ‘No, I’m important.’ But I think of it differently.”

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Tyson believes we can push past the feeling of insignificance that comes with understanding the vastness of the universe by realizing how we are inseparable from everything in the cosmos.

“We know one of the greatest gifts of modern astrophysics to civilization, dare I call it a gift, is the knowledge that the atoms of your body are traceable, not only to The Big Bang, origin of the universe itself, but especially to stars that manufactured those elements and later in their lives, on death, exploded scattering that enrichment across gas clouds,” Tyson says in the clip. “So that their next generation of stars would have planets. And on at least one of those planets, life.”

“So, we are not just figuratively, we are literally stardust,” he continues. “You have kingship with the cosmos. That feeling to me is greater than any other you could have possibly walked into the room with.”

The notion that we are made of stardust isn’t entirely new, but it needs to be repeated so every generation can understand. Astronomer Carl Sagan popularized it in his 1973 book “The Cosmic Connection: An Extraterrestrial Perspective” in the following passage:

“Our Sun is a second- or third-generation star. All of the rocky and metallic material we stand on, the iron in our blood, the calcium in our teeth, the carbon in our genes were produced billions of years ago in the interior of a red giant star. We are made of star-stuff.”

Sagan hosted TV’s original “Cosmos: A Personal Voyage (1980-81). Tyson hosted the follow-ups, “Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey” (2014) and “Cosmos: Possible Worlds” (2020).

Tyson argues that connection with the universe is what makes us special. Not the unique qualities and characteristics that we have been taught to value. For the astrophysicist, being of this universe and made of such formidable material is enough for us to consider ourselves special.

“So why not look around and say, ‘I’m not special because I’m different. I’m special because I’m the same as you, as others, as the tree, as the brook, as the animals, you know, the woodland creatures,” Tyson said. “And we can all sit here and look up at the night sky and say, ‘Yes, we have kinship with the cosmos.’ I feel large because of that, not small.”

Tina Fey has been popping up all over the place lately. Fey’s new Gen Z-infused Mean Girls movie hit theaters last month, she is slated to star in a new Netflix adaptation of The Four Seasons, and it seems like she is next in line to take over when Lorne Michaels decides to give up his little SNL project. So why would Fey be in an ad campaign for Booking.com? It’s because she’s just so booked and busy.

Fey appears in a new ad for the travel company while boasting that you can be “whoever you want” to be on vacation. This is only true for some people. But she was able to bring along some of her friends to help show off various versions of herself, including her 30 Rock co-stars Jane Krakowski and Jack McBrayer.

Krakowski appears as “Splurgy Tina” who spends her time at swanky hotels on Rodeo Drive, while “Rustic Tina” joins McBrayer in a remote cabin. The kicker (every Super Bowl ad has to have one) is when Glen Close arrives as a version of “Wild Tina” who is on a horse (thanks, patriarchy!).

Check out the ad above then book yourself a nice scenic getaway to a dazzling hotel! Nothing bad will happen!!

(Via EW)

Joel Embiid has been having one of the great scoring seasons we’ve ever seen in the NBA, as the reigning league MVP currently holds averages of 35.3 points, 11.3 rebounds, and 5.7 assists per game on 53.3/36.6/88.3 shooting splits. Those numbers made him a frontrunner for MVP once again, however the league’s new 65 games played mandate for awards consideration loomed as the All-Star break approached.

The Sixers star center has sat here and there with knee soreness, most recently missing two games in Denver and Portland. He was a late add to the injury report for the Nuggets game (earning Philly a $75,000 fine) and he’s received plenty of heat from some in the NBA media world for sitting out games at a seemingly disproportional rate when facing top competition or being on the road. However, when Embiid did opt to play in Tuesday’s loss to the Warriors, it was clear from the start that he wasn’t quite right, and then disaster struck in the fourth quarter when Jonathan Kuminga landed on his outstretched left knee while going for a loose ball.

Embiid suffered a lateral mensicus injury from the collision and his timetable for a return is unknown. Although Nick Nurse said it was unrelated to his knee soreness that had kept him out of two games, there was plenty of frustration in Philly about whether he should’ve been playing in the first place. That also led to backlash to those who have criticized him for missing time in the past, with the most notable of those to take up for Embiid being LeBron James, who lit into those who critiqued him for missing games without understanding his health situation.

Load management and stars sitting out has become such a big topic in the NBA, with the league only fueling those debates with this new mandate, and the truth is, it’s a topic that’s almost impossible to talk about with the appropriate tact and context. As LeBron notes, we don’t know what a player is actually dealing with health-wise and the constant desire to have a take — and just generally the toxic nature of the debate around the MVP award — has led to some being far too comfortable making declarative statements about someone’s health.

No matter how many times people make note that players want to play and its teams and training staffs that are almost always dictating rest days, we end up using rest and health question marks as referendums on the players themselves. While Embiid’s injury on Tuesday probably happens whether he’s healthy or not (a man falling on your knee and bending it backwards is going to cause damage pretty much no matter what), it is a reminder that we should probably not use players injury designations as a point of criticism of their game or desire to compete in a sport that takes such a physical toll.

Joel Embiid has been having one of the great scoring seasons we’ve ever seen in the NBA, as the reigning league MVP currently holds averages of 35.3 points, 11.3 rebounds, and 5.7 assists per game on 53.3/36.6/88.3 shooting splits. Those numbers made him a frontrunner for MVP once again, however the league’s new 65 games played mandate for awards consideration loomed as the All-Star break approached.

The Sixers star center has sat here and there with knee soreness, most recently missing two games in Denver and Portland. He was a late add to the injury report for the Nuggets game (earning Philly a $75,000 fine) and he’s received plenty of heat from some in the NBA media world for sitting out games at a seemingly disproportional rate when facing top competition or being on the road. However, when Embiid did opt to play in Tuesday’s loss to the Warriors, it was clear from the start that he wasn’t quite right, and then disaster struck in the fourth quarter when Jonathan Kuminga landed on his outstretched left knee while going for a loose ball.

Embiid suffered a lateral mensicus injury from the collision and his timetable for a return is unknown. Although Nick Nurse said it was unrelated to his knee soreness that had kept him out of two games, there was plenty of frustration in Philly about whether he should’ve been playing in the first place. That also led to backlash to those who have criticized him for missing time in the past, with the most notable of those to take up for Embiid being LeBron James, who lit into those who critiqued him for missing games without understanding his health situation.

Load management and stars sitting out has become such a big topic in the NBA, with the league only fueling those debates with this new mandate, and the truth is, it’s a topic that’s almost impossible to talk about with the appropriate tact and context. As LeBron notes, we don’t know what a player is actually dealing with health-wise and the constant desire to have a take — and just generally the toxic nature of the debate around the MVP award — has led to some being far too comfortable making declarative statements about someone’s health.

No matter how many times people make note that players want to play and its teams and training staffs that are almost always dictating rest days, we end up using rest and health question marks as referendums on the players themselves. While Embiid’s injury on Tuesday probably happens whether he’s healthy or not (a man falling on your knee and bending it backwards is going to cause damage pretty much no matter what), it is a reminder that we should probably not use players injury designations as a point of criticism of their game or desire to compete in a sport that takes such a physical toll.

Here’s an article to send to every jerk in your life who denied you the right to complain about your period cramps: A medical expert says that some women experience menstruation pains that are “almost as bad as having a heart attack.” John Guillebaud, who is a professor of reproductive health at University College London, spoke to Quartz on the subject, and said that the medical community has long ignored what can be a debilitating affliction, because it’s a problem that mostly inconveniences women.

“I think it happens with both genders of doctor,” Guillebaud told Quartz. “On the one hand, men don’t suffer the pain and underestimate how much it is or can be in some women. But I think some women doctors can be a bit unsympathetic because either they don’t get it themselves or if they do get it they think, ‘Well I can live with it, so can my patient.'”

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And it’s a problem that can’t just be treated with common painkillers. Some people who experience dysmenorrhea, the medical term for painful menstruation, also suffer from endometriosis, a condition that can cause infertility if it’s not treated properly. But research on the subject is scant, so doctors often misdiagnose it, or dismiss the pain entirely. It’s estimated, however, that one out of 10 women has the condition.

Earlier this month, Girls creator Lena Dunham was forced to take a rest from show promotion and other work duties because she suffers from endometriosis. In a recent edition of her newsletter, Lenny Letter, Dunham wrote a frank essay about her struggle with the condition, and particularly with a medical institution that didn’t know how to diagnose her. She didn’t know how to put a name to her pain until she turned 24 and underwent laparoscopic surgery, “which is the only way to definitively diagnose endometriosis,” according to Dunham.

Quartz reporter Olivia Goldhill had the same problem. She suffered from frequent period pains that were as distressing as a slipped disk, she says. But doctors had no answer for her. “Before I had my MRI scans, I told my primary care doctor that the pain seemed to be triggered by my period,” she said. “He didn’t think this was relevant and ignored the comment.”

For now, the medical community has been dragging its feet to do research on the subject. Goldhill says the only thing people can do right now is talk about it, to heighten awareness. “Tell your doctor, your friends, your colleagues,” she wrote. “We need to talk about period pain long and loudly enough for doctors to finally do something about it.”

This article originally appeared on 09.14.17

Have you seen anyone with a semicolon tattoo like the one above?

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…everywhere.

That’s right: the semicolon. It’s a tattoo that has gained popularity in recent years, but unlike other random or mystifying trends, this one has a serious meaning behind it. (And no, it’s not just the mark of a really committed grammar nerd.)

The semicolon tattoo represents mental health struggles and the importance of suicide prevention.

Project Semicolon was born from a social media movement in 2013.

They describe themselves as a “movement dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction, and self-injury. Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love, and inspire.”

But why a semicolon?

“A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”

Originally created as a day where people were encouraged to draw a semicolon on their bodies and photograph it, it quickly grew into something greater and more permanent. Today, people all over the world are tattooing the mark as a reminder of their struggle, victory, and survival.

I spoke with Jenn Brown and Jeremy Jaramillo of The Semicolon Tattoo Project, an organization inspired by the semicolon movement. Along with some friends, Jenn and Jeremy saw an opportunity to both help the community and reduce the stigma around mental illness.

In 2012, over 43 million Americans dealt with a mental illness. Mental illness is not uncommon, yet there is a stigma around it that prevents a lot of people from talking about it — and that’s a barrier to getting help.

More conversations that lead to less stigma? Yes please.

“[The tattoo] is a conversation starter,” explains Jenn. “People ask what it is and we get to tell them the purpose.”

“I think if you see someone’s tattoo that you’re interested in, that’s fair game to start a conversation with someone you don’t know,” adds Jeremy. “It provides a great opportunity to talk. Tattoos are interesting — marks we put on our bodies that are important to us.”

In 2014, The Semicolon Tattoo Project held an event at several tattoo shops where people could get a semicolon tattoo for a flat rate. “That money was a fundraiser for our crisis center,” said Jenn. In total, over 400 people received semicolon tattoos in one day. Even better, what began as a local event has spread far and wide, and people all over the world are getting semicolon tattoos.

And it’s not just about the conversation — it’s about providing tangible support and help too.

Jenn and Jeremy work with the Agora Crisis Center. Founded in 1970, it’s one of the oldest crisis centers in the country. Through The Semicolon Tattoo Project, they’ve been able to connect even more people with the help they need during times of crisis. (If you need someone to talk to, scroll to the end of the article for the center’s contact information.)

So next time you see this small punctuation tattoo, remember the words of Upworthy writer Parker Molloy:

“I recently decided to get a semicolon tattoo. Not because it’s trendy (though, it certainly seems to be at the moment), but because it’s a reminder of the things I’ve overcome in my life. I’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, and gender dysphoria for the better part of my life, and at times, that led me down a path that included self-harm and suicide attempts.

But here I am, years later, finally fitting the pieces of my life together in a way I never thought they could before. The semicolon (and the message that goes along with it) is a reminder that I’ve faced dark times, but I’m still here.”

No matter how we get there, the end result is so important: help and support for more people to also be able to say ” I’m still here.”

If you want to see more incredible semicolon tattoos, check out nine photos and stories that our readers shared with us!

This article was written by Laura Willard and originally appeared on 7.7.15

To a stranger I met at a coffee shop a few years ago who introduced me to what my life as a parent would be like:

My “welcome to black fatherhood moment” happened five years ago, and I remember it like it happened yesterday.

I doubt you’ll remember it, though — so let me refresh your memory.

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It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Los Angeles in 2011, and I decided to walk my then 3-month-old daughter to the corner Starbucks. That’s when I met you — a stylish older white woman who happened to be ahead of me in line.

You were very friendly and offered up many compliments about how cute my daughter was, and I agreed wholeheartedly with you. She’s cute.

But after you picked up your drink, you delivered this parting shot:

“No offense, but it’s not often that I see black guys out with their kids, but it’s such a wonderful thing,” she said. “No matter what happens, I hope you stay involved in her life.”

And then you put on your designer sunglasses and left.

Meanwhile, I was like…

Here’s the thing: I’m not angry with you, but I want you to understand the impact you had on my life.

Do I think you’re a mean-spirited racist? No, I don’t. Actually, I bet you’re a really nice lady.

But let’s be real for a second: Your view on black dads was tough for me to stomach, and I want you to know a few things about what it’s really like to be me.

1. I want you to know that we have challenges that other dads don’t experience.

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh boy — let me brace myself while he ‘blacksplains’ how hard his life is while shaming me for ignoring my white privilege.”

But that would be missing the point. We all have our challenges in life, and I’m not about to bring a big bottle of whine to a pity party.

Instead, as you probably know, today’s dads are trying to shed the stigma of being clueless buffoons.

But black dads have an additional obstacle to hurdle in that we’re often seen as completely disinterested in fatherhood. Trust me, it gets old when people automatically assume you’re not good at something because of the color of your skin.

Our encounter was the first of many examples of this that I’ve witnessed, directly or indirectly, in my five and a half years of fatherhood, and I’m sure there will be more to come.

2. I want you to know that I’m not a shiny unicorn. There are plenty of black men just like me who love fatherhood.

During the months that followed our brief meeting, I felt a need to prove that you — a complete stranger — were wrong. I needed to prove there were plenty of black men just like me who loved being dads.

I knew a lot of these great men personally: My dad, my two brothers, and many others embraced fatherhood. But could any data back up how much black dads embraced fatherhood? Because the examples in mainstream media were few and far between.

Thankfully, the answer is yes.

A few years after I met you, a study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that 70% of black dads are likely to engage in common child-rearing activities such as diaper changing, bathing, toilet training, etc., on a daily basis. That’s a higher percentage than white or Hispanic fathers.

Full stop.

This isn’t about black dads being “the best” because parenthood isn’t a competition. It’s about showing that we’re not even remotely as bad as society makes us out to be.

And outside of the CDC study, I saw firsthand how hands-on black dads are when I was thrust into the public eye, too, because a lot of them reached out to me to tell their stories.

We nurture our kids.

We’re affectionate with our kids.

And we do whatever our kids need us to do.

And none of that should come as a surprise to anyone.

3. I want you to know that I believe you meant well when you praised me for being involved in my daughter’s life, but that’s what I’m programmed to do.

I will always be there for her and her baby sister.

Even though I just described how black dads are different from many dads, I hope the takeaway you have from this is that we have a lot of similarities, too.

Please don’t fall into the trap of saying that you want to live in a colorblind world because it makes it harder to identify with inequality when it happens. Instead, I hope you can recognize that we have the same hopes, dreams, and fears as other parents, but the roads we travel may not be the same.

And no, I don’t want an apology.

But I hope when you pick up your next latte and see a dad who looks like me that you’ll smile knowing he’s the rule rather than the exception.

This article originally appeared on 06.15.16