Never mind the “industry plant” whispers, The Kid Laroi’s journey to success was far from easy. No, the “Heaven” rapper doesn’t come from a well-connected industry family (hi, nepo babies). He kept his head down to work at his craft, and thanks to a viral song, he’s broken through to the mainstream.
In his new Prime Video documentary, Kids Are Growing Up: A Story About A Kid Named Laroi, he gave viewers a first-hand look at his unwavering work ethic. Laroi also shared a glimpse into making his album, The First Time. He even teased some new music. Today (March 1), that record, “Still Yours,” is available for the public to enjoy.
Co-produced by Dopamine and Omer Fedi, “Still Yours” is a romantic ballad showing that Laroi proudly walks around with his heart on his sleeve. “My stomach twists and turns whenever I think about / You layin’ up, yeah, next to someone like him / I know that it’s been over for some months, but I feel / I’m still, I’m still / I’m still yours / Tell me, where did I go wrong,” sings Laroi.
On Instagram, Laroi penned a note to fans as they prepared to tune into his film. “This isn’t a documentary that’s necessarily focused on the whole come-up story,” he wrote. “But more on how I’ve navigated (or tried my best to at least) the last 4ish years. The goal of this, for me, is to hopefully inspire and let you know that you’re not alone in whatever you may be going through. Also, to show you, I still have a long way to go and a lot of room to grow.”
Please stop giggling. This is a serious question. We see Paul (Timothée Chalamet), Chani (Zendaya), Stilgar (Javier Bardem), and the rest of the Fremen ride the sandworms, but at no point do we witness them removing themselves from the speeding, legless beasts. Do they jump? Do they use their maker hooks? Do they have one of those inflatable slides, like on airplanes?
Thankfully, I’m not the only one with this question:
me, whole time during dune 2: ‘how tf do they get off of those worms’
The question was even posed to director Denis Villeneuve. “I know how, but there was no time to show it in Part Two,” he told reporter Tara Hitchcock. “If ever there is such a thing as Dune Messiah, then I’ll be able to show you how you get off. But I have a strategy.” This, among other reasons, is why there needs to be a third Dune movie.
Thankfully, there’s decades of Dune lore — and a subreddit — to explain it.
Reddit user ichiban_saru wrote, “From the expanded books, the worms get tired after a while and begin to slow and come to a stop. The riders repel down and then the worm eventually dives under the sand.” This explanation was confirmed by user JohnCavil01, who added, “They generally just slide off and get away. If there’s no sufficient shelter nearby then they just try to exhaust the worm as much as possible to dissuade it from wanting to try to eat them.”
Hulu’s Freaknik documentary Freaknik: The Wildest Party Never Told is just weeks from release after a year of development and today, Hulu shared the official trailer. The film will feature interviews from Atlanta luminaries like Killer Mike, Lil Jon, and more, with commentary from 21 Savage, historian Marc Lamont Hill, and Freaknik founder Amadi Boon, among others. They’ll reminisce on the wild, days-long street party that took over A-Town in the ’90s and brought attention from stars like Outkast and Tupac — and the Atlanta police when things began to get out of hand.
Freaknik has become the subject of much nostalgia in recent years, as Adult Swim created an animated feature about the Ghost Of Freaknik Past (as portrayed by T-Pain) called Freaknik: The Musical and rappers like Quavo and 21 Savage paid homage to the wild party in music videos for “Strub Tha Ground” and “Peaches & Eggplants.” A revival was attempted in 2021, but to paraphrase what a commentator says in the trailer above, it just wasn’t the same.
When the documentary was first announced, users on Twitter joked that some of the more respectable Gen-Xers might find their younger transgressions being “exposed.”
Pausing footage from the Hulu documentary to show your homeboy what his mama and auntie were doing in Spring 95. #FREAKnikpic.twitter.com/UkKzVkfbyg
— Adrienne | Creative Consultant and Soap Queen (@brownandbella) April 9, 2023
I see Hulu is going to have a documentary about Freaknik. I bet it’s a lot of Shook Ones who are praying they aren’t on film cutting up. Now me, I’m glad I’m not old enough to have been a part of that scene. pic.twitter.com/AbJAjR0UgC
— THEE MsNikki_MindYaBusiness85 (@RhondaNicole25) April 7, 2023
Those Freaknik aunties will only need to spend three more weeks in suspense; Freaknik: The Wildest Party Never Told comes to Hulu on 3/21.
As Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny was laid to rest after dying in prison, the prominent dissident made an interesting choice in music for the somber proceeding: The soundtrack to Terminator 2.
According to a spokesperson for Navalny via The Daily Beast, “Alexey considered Terminator 2 the best film in the whole world” and he specifically requested that music from the final scene be played.
As you can see in the video below, Navalny’s wish was granted:
Алексей считал «Терминатор-2» лучшим фильмом на земле. На его похоронах сыграли музыку из финальной сцены pic.twitter.com/qfh6teCFvQ
The choice in music is no doubt a final jab at Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. In the iconic final moments of Terminator 2, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s T-800 knows that the only to protect humanity from Skynet is to lower himself into a vat of molten steel. Despite the protests of Edward Furlong’s John Connor, who’s grown attached to his cyborg protector, the T-800 makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the world.
Navalny’s death has sparked increased scrutiny for Putin as the opposition leader’s name has re-entered the political discourse. However, not always in the best ways. Donald Trump recently compared himself to the now-deceased dissident who died in prison from what Russian officials are calling, and you cannot make this up, “sudden death syndrome.”
While Trump is facing a litany of indictments and civil judgments, his crimes have or will have their day in court and he’s been free to run for office all over the country. But if you ask the former president, getting slapped with fines for committing financial fraud is a “form of Navalny.” You can barely tell the situations apart, they’re so similar.
Last year, the “Prove It” rapper toured the country with his friend and collaborator, Drake, as part of the It’s All a Blur Tour. But for this, go around the globe, he will hold down the headlining position by himself. But across 41 dates, 21 Savage will have ample support from special guests JID, Nardo Wick, and 21 Lil Harold. The number one question for those interested in seeing the show when it arrives in a city near them is, how much is a ticket going to set me back?
Continue below for ticket pricing details, the complete tour schedule, and the official tour poster.
How Much Are Tickets For 21 Savage’s ‘American Dream’ Tour?
According to the price list for his June 1 stop at Xfinity Theatre in Hartford, Connecticut, the highest ticket price is for the Diamond VIP Package, which costs $394.20 per ticket with fees. For the pit standing-room tickets, there are several packages at different rates. The standard pit ticket with unplugged lounge access is $196.25 per ticket. The standard pit ticket with fast lane entry will run you $173.50 per ticket.
The following seating sections, 100 through 300, range from $155.50 to $432.60 (including service fees). There are two price points for sections 400 through 800: $130.81 and $197.40(including service fees). Several venues along 21 Savage’s American Dream Tour have a lawn area. For the spaces that do, fans can purchase tickets. Reserved lawn seating pricing is $67.20 (including service fees).
Similar to the VIP packages, the general lawn area has multiple add-ons. The standard lawn ticket costs $41.30 (including service fees). A lawn ticket and lawn chair bundle are $54.35 (including service fees), a standard ticket and fast lane entry cost $62.20 (including service fees), a lawn ticket and blanket voucher cost $67.20 (including service fees), a standard ticket with unplugged lounge access
costs $82.75. Lastly, a standard lawn ticket and VIP club access cost $142.25.
05/01 — Vancouver, BC @ Rogers Arena
05/03 — Auburn, WA @ White River Amphitheatre
05/05 — Ridgefield, WA @ RV Inn Style Resorts Amphitheater
05/07 — Los Angeles, CA @ Kia Forum
05/09 — Concord, CA @ Toyota Pavilion at Concord
05/11 — Phoenix, AZ @ Talking Stick Resort Amphitheatre
05/12 — Albuquerque, NM @ Isleta Amphitheater
05/14 — Austin, TX @ Germania Insurance Amphitheater
05/15 — Dallas, TX @ Dos Equis Pavilion
05/16 — Houston, TX @ The Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion presented by Huntsman
05/18 — Rogers, AR @ Walmart AMP
05/19 — St. Louis, MO @ Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre
05/21 — Chicago, IL @ Credit Union 1 Amphitheatre
05/22 — Cincinnati, OH @ Riverbend Music Center
05/23 — Noblesville, IN @ Ruoff Music Center
05/25 — Toronto, ON @ Budweiser Stage
05/28 — Clarkston, MI @ Pine Knob Music Theatre
05/29 — Cuyahoga Falls, OH @ Blossom Music Center
05/31 — Mansfield, MA @ Xfinity Center
06/01 — Hartford, CT @ Xfinity Theatre
06/02 — Bristow, VA @ Jiffy Lube Live
06/04 — Virginia Beach, VA @ Veterans United Home Loans Amphitheater at Virginia Beach
06/05 — Simpsonville, SC @ CCNB Amphitheatre at Heritage Park
06/06 — Charlotte, NC @ PNC Music Pavilion
06/08 — New York, NY @ Governors Ball Music Festival
06/09 — Camden, NJ @ Freedom Mortgage Pavilion
06/11 — Birmingham, AL @ Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
06/13 — West Palm Beach, FL @ iTHINK Financial Amphitheatre
06/14 — Tampa, FL @ MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre at the FL State Fairgrounds
06/15 — Atlanta, GA @ Lakewood Amphitheatre
The woman suing Sean “Diddy” Combs saying he “gang raped” and “sex trafficked” her was ordered to reveal her identity by a judge, according to a new report in Billboard. The anonymous woman filed the lawsuit late last year, alleging that Combs forced himself on her in 2003 when she was 17 years old, saying she was encouraged to file suit after a similar lawsuit was filed against Combs by his ex-girlfriend, Cassie Ventura. While Combs maintained his innocence, the judge’s ruling may have significant effects on the lawsuit in the future.
The judge, Jessica G. L. Clarke, wrote in her decision, “While the court does not take plaintiff’s concerns lightly, the Court cannot rely on generalized, uncorroborated claims that disclosure would harm plaintiff to justify her anonymity.” Clarke acknowledged this decision “could have a significant impact on [the plaintiff],” but insisted that specificity would be needed in the case to confirm that her claims are true, citing recent lawsuits against Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein. Clarke must still rule on Combs’ motion to dismiss the lawsuit altogether, which she has yet to do. If she decides the case will continue, Jane Doe will need to reveal her identity.
Jane Doe’s argument for remaining anonymous hinges on a belief that if her identity is made public, she could be subject to retaliation from Combs’ supporters or Combs himself — which is a legitimate concern, considering threats made to witnesses in the sex trafficking case against R. Kelly. However, the judge believes getting the truth is more important than potential threats — especially if the truth is as egregious as Jane Doe claims.
Keeping track of all the new albums coming out in a given month is a big job, but we’re up for it: Below is a comprehensive list of the major releases you can look forward to in March. If you’re not trying to potentially miss out on anything, it might be a good idea to keep reading.
Sorry to everyone who practiced smooching on their Jack and Rose from Titanic poster (what, just me?), but Leonardo DiCaprio might not be the world’s greatest kisser.
In an interview with the Dutch edition of Playboy, model Hieke Konings discussed her night at a club with the Oscar-winning actor. “It was in a secret club in LA, one of those clubs where you can only get in by invitation,” she said, according to Page Six. “I saw him sitting there in his black hoodie and black cap, and we made eye contact.” Konings claims DiCaprio’s manager approached her “less than a minute later” and said he wanted to talk to her.
Konings admitted she put the moves on DiCaprio, which led to their purported smooch session. “We kissed for a while, and then he asked me to come home with him,” she claimed. “I said no. He reacted very shocked. Of course he wasn’t used to it. When I said I didn’t know him well enough, he responded sweetly, ‘I respect that.’ Whereupon he turned to another girl and took her home!”
Konings described Leo as an “OK” kisser, but “definitely not the best.” She continued, “I had heard from other girls that he could be very strange. For example, one friend said he kept his earphones in during sex because he didn’t want to hear her — and another said he even put a pillow on her head.”
Instead of going home with DiCaprio, who she called “too weird and too old,” how did Konings end her night? “I went home, ordered McDonald’s, and called my mom,” she said. The next time you’re talking to your folks while eating a Big Mac in the car, remember: Playboy models, they’re just like us.
Last November, Guy Fieri announced the Flavortown Music Festival, which was set to hit Columbus, Ohio on June 1 and 2 this year. It turns out you’ll have to go somewhere else for your flavor this summer, though, as Fieri’s fest has now been canceled.
As Columbus’ NBC4 reports, a spokesperson told them in a statement, “Due to unforeseen circumstances, Guy Fieri’s Flavortown Fest, initially planned for June 1-2 in Columbus, Oh, has been canceled. Thank you to all our Flavortown Fest fans for understanding and your support along this journey.”
The fest was set to be headlined by Greta Van Fleet and Kane Brown, and also feature Bret Michaels, LOCASH, and Niko Moon, as well as a bunch of food options from the Columbus area and beyond. Passes had already went on sale, but organizers will issue full refunds.
When the fest was initially revealed, Fieri said, “I was actually born in Columbus, Ohio, so one might say it’s pretty much the birthplace of Flavortown. But in 2024, we’re making it official with the launch of Flavortown Fest, two full days of awesome music, the best chefs, real deal food from around the nation and a whole lotta fun that you’re gonna have to see to believe.”
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE – Shogun rules
It feels like everyone has been looking for “the next Game of Thrones” forever. Television executives, yes, of course, because any of them would run over a bunny rabbit with their BMW for the kind of career-making hit that carries a network for a decade. But also, like, everyone. It’s fun to have a show that breaks out of its little niche bubble to become a thing that permeates the culture. It’s been a while since we had one of those. Succession got most of the way there but it’s over now. The Walking Dead is on about its eighth spinoff. The Stranger Things kids are old enough to rent cars. Yellowstone has the ratings but does not have the juice. It’s been weird. You can talk about TV with 10 different people and realize none of you watch a single show in common. It makes it all more isolating and lonely than something this fun should be.
I think that’s why so many people are so excited about Shogun. The new series debuted on FX and Hulu this week to a slew of stellar reviews that had a bunch of those Game of Thrones comparisons. Which are fair. There are no dragons or mystical elements (fine by me) but a lot of the other boxes are checked. Big sweeping historical epic? Check. Huge cast and crew full of interesting characters? Whipass action scenes? Buddyyyy check.
Mostly, though, the biggie is that there was a bunch of money and effort thrown at this sucker that is all right there on the screen. It looks incredible, in addition to being compelling. We’re a little over two hours in and there are already characters I love and despise and one of them almost died in a shipwreck during a storm with waves as big as an apartment complex. This is the good stuff, people. I’ve already created a screencap folder. This was the first one in there.
FX
I think the biggest hurdle here is just the scope. The original novel by James Clavell came out 50 years ago. There are a number of warring factions and rivalries in Japan in addition to some Catholic vs. Protestant tension that swept over from Europe. It can be a little daunting at the outset to figure out who’s who and who is doing what. Google is helpful here. As is the guide FX created as a companion. I knew nothing about any of this and I was caught up in about 15 minutes. I took a break to make this screencap, too.
FX
So, yeah. I hope that this sucker takes off. Some of that is because it would make my life easier as someone who writes about television shows for a living, but most of it is that it would just be fun to have a big communal experience around a fun show that kicks ass. Let’s all get way into samurais this spring. Maybe I’ll buy a sword. Maybe we all should?
I don’t know. Could go a lot of ways here.
ITEM NUMBER TWO – Please leave the Saltburn people alone
MGM STUDIOS
This one is tricky for me. Usually, when there’s a story about a fandom or group of little goblins getting carried away and being too weird about something, my advice is “go outside.” Which I stand by. I truly believe about 10-20 percent of the world’s problems could be solved by people just going and sitting on a bench somewhere for like an hour a day. Pet a dog. Feed some ducks. Look at some birds. This will be my platform if I ever run for political office, which I absolutely will not ever do under any circumstances.
There is a problem with this philosophy, though. A few problems, actually, if you count wind and rain and freezing temperatures. But the big one is this: Sometimes people are weird outside, too. And then it all becomes everyone else’s problem. Like, for example, the way it’s become a problem for the people who own the scenic estate that served as the setting for Saltburn. Fans of the movie have been showing up at his house a lot lately. Too much. It does not seem fun.
Here, look.
The estate’s real-life aristocratic owner, Charles Stopford Sackville, has expressed regrets to The Mail on Sunday about letting the cameras into his Grade I-listed country pile – and reveals that he’s had to lay on security patrols to keep tabs on the unwanted visitors.
‘I never envisaged the amount of interest there would be. It’s quite weird,’ he said. ‘I don’t take it as flattering.’
There’s a temptation here to be callous about it all and say “oh boo hoo poor millionaire with his beautiful house that people want pictures of,” which, like, yes. I get that. But think about this next part a bit.
‘How would you feel if people were taking pictures outside your house? I’d prefer the interest to blow over but I can’t make it blow over.’
Imagine you’re going outside to bring the trash to the curb and there’s a crew of people standing on the sidewalk taking pictures of you and the house you live in. That would be weird, right? Yes, sure, he did sign the release and get paid for it all but I do not think he could have possibly foreseen some creepy little movie becoming this kind of worldwide obsession. He signed up for some of this, but not… all of it. Especially when you consider this.
As part of the deal to allow shooting, no member of the production team was allowed to mention the real location in interviews, but fans were quick to sniff it out, particularly after Saltburn was released on Amazon Prime Video in December.
There are two takeaways here, both equally important:
Please think long and hard before you allow your family home to be used in a movie that might make a bunch of little freaks online want to snap pictures of your front door for clout
Please do not make me look stupid by ruining my ideas
Thank you.
ITEM NUMBER THREE – Bring me the head of whoever was mean to Rebecca Ferguson
Okay, here’s what happened: Rebecca Ferguson went on a podcast this week and told a story about a terrible experience on a film set with a big-deal actor who behaved like an ass. Which sucks, in part because you should not treat people like crap, in general, but also because Rebecca Ferguson is cool. We talked about this the other week when she was fascinated by the Dune bucket. We can talk about it again another time. For now, though, we need to focus on this.
“This human being was being so insecure and angry because this person couldn’t get the scenes out,” she said. Ferguson said that when she felt “vulnerable and comfortable” enough to say something about the behavior, she was “screamed” at. “But because this person was number one on the call sheet, there was no safety net for me,” she added.
Once she realized that no one on set was going to stand up for her—“No one had my back,” she said—she started to cry, after which she was berated further, according to her retelling of the incident. “This person would literally look at me in front of the whole crew and say ‘You call yourself an actor? This is what I have to work with? What the fuck is this?’ And I stood there just breaking.”
What eventually happened was that Rebecca Ferguson stood up for herself and shouted a little and has never worked with this person again. What also happened is that tons of people went back through her filmography and tried to guess which one of her co-stars she was talking about. Lord Almighty, did people ever have guesses. I do not have a guess, though, and Rebecca Ferguson seems pretty okay with leaving it at this and moving on, so I am okay with doing that, too. If I ever find out, though, there will be hell to pay.
I don’t think the guilty party has to worry too much about me in all of this, though. He has more pressing concerns. Like, for one, the thing where The Rock replied to the tweet I posted at the top of this section with, well, this.
Hate seeing this but love seeing her stand up to bullshit. Rebecca was my guardian angel sent from heaven on our set. I love that woman. I’d like to find out who did this.
I would pay like $8 for a four-minute video where The Rock yells at some guy who was mean to Rebecca Ferguson. I would prefer it to be the guy in the story she told, but I’ll settle for any other guilty goon, too.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Dominic Toretto is going to drive a car into the sun
UNIVERSAL
The Fast & Furious franchise has been madness for many years now so it’s almost fitting that it appears to be ending with its upcoming 11th movie. Eleven. Think about how weird that is. Not nine, which could be billed as three trilogies. Not 10, a lovely round number. Not even 12, which could be sold as a dozen. Eleven. It’s so stupid and random and kind of perfect for a franchise that ended its 10th movie on a cliffhanger that involved its main character fleeing from a wall of water set loose by the son of the man he robbed in the fifth movie who blew up a dam moments after John Cena committed suicide with rocket car and freaking Reacher double-crossed everyone and shot a rocket launcher at an airplane carrying Ludacris and Tyrese, who had just been to outer space in the previous movie. We don’t even need to get into Gal Gadot bursting out of a glacier in a nuclear submarine despite the fact that her character died on a runway many films earlier. Reasonable arguments can be made that they shouldn’t have gotten into it either.
While everyone was heading into the weekend amped and excited, I thought of you all… reminded of the countless moments when your enthusiasm and passion became the driving force behind our creative journey. Your commitment to our saga has had a unique impact on its success and evolution… as my youngest daughter would say, it’s profound.
Thank you for being the backbone of this global saga that because of you, transcends the screen.
This grand finale is not just an ending; it’s a celebration of the incredible family we’ve built together.
A few notes:
I cannot begin to imagine where one goes for a grand finale after all of the things that have happened already
My working theory is that Vin Diesel is going to drive a muscle car into the sun for a series of unspecified reasons that will result in humanity being saved
I guarantee someone is going to try to reboot this franchise by 2030
You watch.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE – Kevin Bacon is doing great
Here is Kevin Bacon singing Beyoncé’s new chart-topping country single “Texas Hold ‘Em” to some of the animals he keeps on the farm he owns with his wife, star of TNT’s The Closer Kyra Sedgwick. That was a fun sentence to type out. And a true one. You can click play on the video up there if you don’t believe me. I don’t know why you wouldn’t believe me, though. It would be a hell of a thing to just lie about something like 2000 words into this sucker.
Anyway, if you read that paragraph and came away thinking “I feel like this isn’t the first time we heard about weird stuff going on at Kevin Bacon’s farm,” first of all, I am very proud of you, but second of all you are correct. It was just a few months ago that he told Rob Lowe that his farm might be haunted. Or at least the previous owner thought it was.
Look.
“One of the pieces [of land] that we bought had an old house in it and he didn’t want me to own the house. It was an abandoned house that he had grown up in,” he continued. “And we kind of went back and forth on it for a while and then eventually I said, ‘Listen, you can’t sell me a piece of land but not sell me the house that’s on it.’ “
Kevin Bacon drives a tough but fair bargain when purchasing farmland. That’s something I bet you never knew but probably suspected.
“We finally came to an agreement in the contract that I had to destroy it within, I don’t know, a month or something like that,” he told Lowe, who then asked the actor if he ever spent a night in the ghost-infested house.
Bacon said he did not.
I said the same thing in this column a few weeks ago when we all learned that Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart play pranks on each other at their ranch, but it applies here, too: The people who truly deserve a reality show are almost never the kind of people who would want one. Which is a shame. I would gladly binge-watch a season of Kevin Bacon buying haunted farms and serenading goats some long weekend when I’m laid up with the flu. You would, too.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Pete:
Should we be getting worried about Elmo? He’s having a crazy year so far. Everyone on Twitter dumped all their fears and anxieties on him and then he got assaulted by Larry David on a morning show and now he’s posting unsettling pictures of himself with frog legs. This seems like a cry for help. Am I overthinking this? I might be. But I worry. And I feel, for some reason, like you might understand this.
Pete, here’s the thing: I was having this exact conversation with someone about 45 minutes before you sent this email. Context will help. I apologize in advance for posting this.
I… do not like this. I kind of hate it. I hope this is just a phase Elmo is going through. I don’t think I could handle it if he starts wearing black and vaping and listening to techno goth music like the evil vampires in the Blade movies. I will drive Elmo to therapy myself if I have to. We must protect our sweet innocent prince.
A wildlife park’s high-risk approach to tackling its parrots’ swearing problem appears to be working.
What we have here is an update on the cussing parrots. You remember the cussing parrots, yes? We talked about them a few weeks ago at the bottom of the column where I spoiled the entire plot of The Beekeeper. The short version goes like this: A zoo in England got some new parrots but the parrots had been taught a bunch of supremely filthy language and it was becoming a whole thing. I loved these birds very much.
The zoo had a plan to curb the cussing, though. They would introduce the new parrots into the larger parrot population in the hopes it would teach them better language. There was a risk it would go the other way, though. Where these obscene parrots taught all the other ones the bad words and the zoo had hundreds of parrots hurling profanity at the paying customers. I wanted this to happen more than any of you can possibly imagine.
Well, unfortunately, it looks like their stupid plan worked.
However, after two weeks of the reintegration plan, keepers said they had not heard any colourful language.
Mr Nichols said: “It’s early days still but it’s been a good start. We haven’t heard any of the really crude language.
Goddammit.
“Of course people are still walking up to the enclosure and swearing in front of the parrots, hoping they will copy the words.”
GOOD
Mr Nichols said while the parrots may have dropped their swearing, a new problem appears to be brewing.
“One of them has taken to singing We Wish You a Merry Christmas over and over again,” he said. “Fine in December, not so fine in February.”
Honestly, I’m glad they have to put up with this now. They ruined one of the only pure things we had in this cruel world. I hope they feel terrible about it.
I’m so upset.
I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
BYE.
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