This is a midseason power ranking of the characters we’ve met through the first four episodes of the FX/Hulu series Shōgun . I have admittedly not read the source material and I am learning things about it all in real-time, like many of you, so these are all based on vibes more than anything else. That said, I stand by them completely.

UNRANKED: Nagakado the failson (I still don’t understand all the ins and outs of the politics at play here but I sure as hell recognize a naive dipshit with a daddy complex when I see one); Omi the failnephew (I almost respect this dope’s commitment to screwing everything up); baby earthquakes (the ground should not move); getting boiled alive (no thanks); corrupt priests and lords (you can’t swing a sword on this show without hitting one); Yaechiyo the child heir (I love my sweet little powerful boy); Buntaro (I hated him very much for being mean to Mariko and I am furious he got to die a hero; sailing a ship through a storm (I’ve had just about enough of waves); Taiko the previous shogun (really his fault for causing all of this by dying); swords, generally (just massively cooler than guns)

10. Ishido

Part of me wants to watch a version of this show that’s exactly the same but told from his perspective. Like, we see him as some shady overlord who is trying to amass power by creating allegiances with various corrupt figures who have their own nefarious motives, but that’s because most of our information about it all is coming from Toranaga and John’s side of the relationship. I bet Ishido sees himself as the only reasonable person in all of it, though. He probably thinks he’s doing something good.

Put it this way: I still do not like him very much but I have been having a lot of fun picturing him trying to explain all the shenanigans and chicanery Toranaga has been up to in the various attempts to thwart the leadership group. Imagine you and your coworkers are trying to push out some loose cannon you suspect of trying to secretly build enough strength to overthrow all of you and then right when you think you have him nailed he slips off to the beach without telling anyone and ties you up with the fine print in the company charter.

You would absolutely throw everything off your desk.

9. Hiromatsu

Things I like about this guy:

• He is Toranaga’s general and main advisor, which seems like a fun if stressful job
• He seems like a real sneaky little rascal and he has this fun smirk he does when he’s up to something
• Really just a tremendous mustache

Should probably have him much higher.

8. Haircuts with a bald spot on top

Tons of people on this show are rocking this look. The Catholic clergy and translators, the Japanese warriors, bald heads everywhere, on purpose, for style and fashion.

Why did these go out of style? We actually went the opposite way in the last 500 years, with a lot of male haircuts now featuring shaved/buzzed sides and long and/or spiky hair on top. I vote we bring this back, the thing where cool/powerful people have no hair on top of their heads. It looks great. We should try it. Like, all of us, as a society, starting with the world’s most handsome and charming A-list stars. My stance on this matter has absolutely nothing to do with my own receding hairline. How dare any of you assume otherwise.

7. Rodrigues

I love this profane sailor so much. I get kind of annoyed whenever he’s not featured in an episode. The scene where he and John were steering their ships through rocks and hurling profane insults at each other as a sign of grudging respect was maybe my favorite part of the whole show. Just two dudes, enemies on paper, calling each other the filthiest names they can think of while engaged in a deadly watch of naval wits. I would watch a show — even just a two-hour extended episode — where it’s just the two of them sailing back to Europe together, shouting at each other and making threats of bodily harm to various family members as they battle the sea and stop at various ports in Asia and South America and Europe. I need you to know I am serious about this.

Also, and there’s a good chance this is just a product of me still mourning the loss of Our Flag Means Death, but at one point I kind of wanted them to kiss a little. There’s really a void right now when it comes to shows about brutal and profane pirates who are also gay. Something to consider.

6. Yabushige

ON ONE HAND: Kind of a weasel. Only out for himself. Playing both sides against each other in any way he can to keep himself from getting executed. Feels like the kind of guy who would happily murder a village of innocent people if it kept him in the good graces of the powerful. Boiled a guy alive for fun.

ON THE OTHER HAND: I… don’t know. I really like him. I probably shouldn’t? I am conflicted about all of this but definitely not as conflicted as I should be. If he is ever discovered and killed I will be very sad. Again, I don’t know.

5. Firing cannons at stuff in a field

Honestly, it looks like a good time. You and the homies outside on a nice spring day just blasting cannons at stuff on the other side of a big field. I bet it’s relaxing, like how people do ax-throwing to blow off steam now. Bring back medieval warfare tactics but make it therapy. This is a good idea. You can take it and use it. The only condition is that I get to come shoot the cannons at stuff for free.

4. Fuji

Usami Fuji:

• Lost her husband and infant to execution because the husband popped off when he shouldn’t
• Is now in a kind of forced servitude situation with John at the behest of Toranaga
• Pulled one of John’s guns on the dipshit nephew and later traded a sword for a gun with him in maybe the sweetest exchange of weaponry ever committed to film

Fuji is cool. I need to see her thrive before this is over.

3. John Blackthorne

The man hates Catholics and Portugal and bathing but he does love cannons and drawing maps and swearing. He’s now involved in two different wars in a country he doesn’t understand and the only person he trusts to translate for him is a mysterious lady whose exact allegiances are still a bit murky. Also, he loves her. Also, she loves him. Which complicates my desire to see him kiss Rodrigues. This is much more of a Me Problem than it is a problem for the show.

As I mentioned above, I have never read the book this is all based on and I refuse to get ahead of myself by researching how it all plays out, but I’m very interested in seeing how this all shakes down for John. The good news is that he and Toranaga seem to have a strange little friendship brewing, as evidenced by their “we’re not so different” glance during the diving/swimming lesson on the boat the other week. The bad news is that the show took away his massive ding-dong.

Win some, lose some, I guess.

2. Toranaga

Toranaga:

• Is always about 6-8 steps ahead of whoever has engaged him in a battle of wits, which is a fun trait in any character
• Gets this little twinkle in his eye when he has a good idea, which is a good trait in any person, real or fictional
• Has a bozo son who is hellbent on mucking everything up

There’s more to him than this but it’s hard to sketch a character more up my alley than those three bullet points.

1. Mariko

Mariko is strong and mysterious and maybe up to something and she slashed a bunch of goons with a sword and when you combine all of those things together I really do not see how any of you could have possibly expected me to put any other character from this show in the top spot so far.

Less than a day after being fired from Kanye West’s Yeezy brand, Julieanna Goddard — aka YesJuz — has addressed her sudden removal in such a way that the brand is now apparently reconsidering terminating her contract. To make a long-ish story short, Goddard had been heavily involved in the promotion of Kanye’s Vultures trio of albums, but was accused of violating a non-disclosure agreement by holding a Twitter Spaces to get feedback from fans.

After Yeezy publicly announced her firing — in just about the least professional way possible — Goddard posted a tweet thread on Twitter addressing the firing and calling out Yeezy staff, particularly chief of staff Milo Yiannopoulos, for being unqualified for their roles in the company.

“Ye is up against the system. Having the discussion with fans in an open forum setting was unconventional, but it allowed for inclusivity & open visibility for an entire fan base to opt in, give feedback, be heard, connect with one another to combine efforts. Which is what i feel is needed for Ye to stay on top for these next two runs. I was also given specific direction to ‘rally’ the fans, let them each lead their own chapters, activate within their locations- etc. This was MY way of doing so. I am not a conventional woman & this is why i worked at the company i worked at in the first place.”

“I never wanted work done for free. I wanted to help the fans present their work to Ye so that he could hire them instead of stale ass losers who dont know the slightest thing about culture like Ben Priest & Milo Pedofilist to build his company for him. Anyone who has ever been in contact with me for as little as 5 minutes knows the last thing id ever need to steal, is an idea. I’d actually pay to have less as the amount of ideas i have overwhelm me daily.”

She also shared tweets in which she criticized the controversial Yiannopoulos (who has been accused of being, at best, a right-wing troll, and at worst, a literal Nazi) for some unseemly comments he made about Ye’s superfans, providing screenshots for evidence. You can view them here.

She also dared Yeezy to sue her, writing, “F*ck an NDA,” while defending herself from the commonly lobbed “culture vulture” accusations she’s been fielding since at least 2017. After logging off for the night, she apparently received correspondence from Yiannopolous, which she naturally screen shot and posted on Twitter for the world to see. “We are willing to meet and reconsider next steps and your future with YZY as a contractor,” he wrote. Her reply: “As soon as Yeezy is free of pedophilic, sexist, homophobic, racists, I will be more than happy to speak to Ye directly about being a part of the team. Obviously, this means you’d need to quit or be fired.”

Sheesh. When YesJulz gets one up on you, you might be cooked. Don’t clap too hard for her though. As she pointed out in her tweetstorm last night, she’s worked for Kanye since 2018 — meaning after the Trump stuff, through the antisemitism kerfuffle, while he bullied and harassed his ex-wife and her family, and through two separate stints of Yiannopoulos as “chief of staff” of Yeezy (whatever the hell that’s supposed to be). Her high horse has no shoes and it damn sure can’t run. Again, none of these people is the “good guy” here, and the best “next steps” would be for them all to quietly retire from public life and go be Walmart greeters or something.

Lil Nas X is giving fans a glimpse of his upcoming Nasarati 2 mixtape, by sharing some teasers of songs from the project. Yesterday (March 13) on TikTok, he posted a video of himself rapping in an airport. However, as of right now, it is currently unavailable on the app.

“My big sis just had another baby, popped him out the labia / My other nephew sitting in class with a broken knuckle,” Lil Nas X raps, before pointing out a fight happening. “Now listen, I ain’t saying I condone that sh*t / F*ck it, I’m saying I condone that sh*t,” he said in the video.

As for why he might have taken the snippet down, Lil Nas X has been vocal about his struggle when it comes to putting out his music — and the fear that comes with it. “Been hoarding music for years smh i hate my relationship with fear of my songs not doing well and perception,” he shared on Instagram previously. “i wish i could just release music and not give af.”

He also asked fans to pick their favorites out of the little clips he’s released so far, so he simply might be building anticipation and interest in certain songs that way.

Check out the teaser of Lil Nas X’s new music below.

The late Brandon Lee’s iconic turn as Eric Draven in The Crow (1994) will never be matched, and it’s fair to say that the original film’s fans are steadfastly devoted to the version brought to screen by director Alex Proyas. In a statement via Lionsgate, remake director Rupert Sanders does not sidestep the gothy elephant lurking in the alley: “It was a culture-defining film that is beloved to this day and has inspired many other iterations both inside and outside the Crow Universe.”

A trailer for the 2024 remake for the movie has now arrived. We’ll have to wait and see how viewers fully respond, but this doesn’t roll out as divisively as expected. Also, the original film did have plentiful violence and gory scenes, but the updated version of Eric Draven feels amplified in displays of his invulnerability after rising from the grave. With that said, Bill Skarsgård and FKA Twigs surely knew that fans of the original film (and the graphic novel by James O’Barr) would react strongly to this remake no matter what the results, which will no doubt be discussed at length upon its release.

For now, here’s the synopsis, which changes the reason why Shelley and Eric were targeted. It’s difficult to tell from the trailer whether this switch will be as unfaithful to the Shelley character as it could turn out to be:

Soulmates Eric Draven (Skarsgård) and Shelly Webster (FKA twigs) are brutally murdered when the demons of her dark past catch up with them. Given the chance to save his true love by sacrificing himself, Eric sets out to seek merciless revenge on their killers, traversing the worlds of the living and the dead to put the wrong things right.

The Crow remake swoops into theaters on June 7, 2024.

On Thursday morning, March 14, Glastonbury unveiled its 2024 lineup. The star-studded laundry list is headlined by Dua Lipa, Coldplay, SZA, and Shania Twain. Other notable performers include (but are far from limited to) Avril Lavigne, Brittany Howard, Burna Boy, Camila Cabello, Cyndi Lauper, Disclosure, Idles, James Blake, Janelle Monáe, Jessie Ware, Kenya Grace, Little Simz, and The National.

The annual music festival is scheduled for June 26 to 30, 2024, at Worthy Farm in Pilton, Somerset, England.

Find everything you need to know about Glastonbury Festival 2024 ticketing below.

How Much Are Tickets For The 2024 Glastonbury Festival?

Well, according to Glastonbury Festival, “Tickets for this year’s Festival are sold out, but our prize draw for 20 pairs is raising emergency funds to support people affected by conflict.” You can enter the prize draw here. As of this writing, 22,751 people had entered and donated money, raising over £420,240 (roughly $536,850).

Last November, the UK’s Evening Standard reported, “Standard tickets to Glastonbury Festival 2024 have sold out in less than an hour.” Glastonbury confirmed the tickets had quickly sold out and promised, “There will be a resale of any cancelled or returned tickets in spring 2024.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Meghan Trainor has been enjoying a second wave lately. After starting her career with major hits “All About That Bass” and “Lips Are Movin,” Trainor has become a dominant presence on TikTok with songs like “Made You Look” and “Mother,” both from her 2022 album Takin’ It Back. (She also generated some attention in 2023 for talking about sex with “big boy” husband Daryl Sabara.)

Now, she’s looking to ride the wave even further: Today (March 14), Trainor announced Timeless, her sixth album. The project is set for release on June 14, but today, she shared “Been Like This,” a new collaboration with T-Pain. As would be expected from Trainor, the song brings vintage doo-wop sounds to present day in a poppy and fun way.

Meanwhile, Trainor gave birth to her second child last summer, she announced at the time with adorable photos. Also last year, Trainor spoke about the time she and Charlie Puth made out while working on their 2015 duet “Marvin Gaye.” Puth later confirmed the story, saying, “I had just moved to LA and yeah, I’m not denying that happened. That definitely did happen once in 2015. I also don’t think I’d ever had vodka before, Grey Goose vodka.”

Listen to “Been Like This” above.

Meghan Trainor’s Timeless Album Cover Artwork

Timeless is out 6/14 via Epic Records. Find more information here.

Charlie Puth is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Ever felt like your acne treatment was doing more harm than good? You’re not alone. For years the only effective acne solutions were ones that left your skin feeling dry as a desert or looking redder than a tomato. But now everything you thought you knew about acne treatments is about to change thanks to the Geologie Clear System. Unlike other acne treatments you may have tried, this revolutionary three-step routine addresses your toughest skin challenges without the harsh chemicals.

Clinically proven to bring about real change, the Clear System doesn’t just eliminate acne at all costs. Instead, it takes a more holistic approach, eliminating acne while simultaneously transforming your skin into a smooth and radiant canvas, without all the irritation, itching, and burning.

The Problem with Traditional Acne Treatments

Traditional acne treatments often come with a guest list of unwelcome side effects, thanks to their go-to ingredient: benzoyl peroxide. While this ingredient is very effective in the battle against breakouts, its track record isn’t as spotless when it comes to our skin’s overall well-being. Benzoyl peroxide causes drying, peeling, and an overall sensation that your face is on fire. For many, this approach to curing acne care feels like you are just trading one set of problems for another.

And it’s not just about the immediate discomfort. The harshness of benzoyl peroxide can shake anyone’s confidence, turning skincare routines into a gamble. Is clearer skin today worth the irritation tomorrow? This dilemma can leave us feeling stuck, undermining our self-esteem just as much as the acne itself. It’s a cycle that too many of us know all too well, one that begs for a solution that respects our skin and our lifestyle.

Say Hello To The Geologie Clear System

The Geologie Clear System is changing the acne care game with its three-step routine. Engineered with a blend of salicylic acid, azelaic acid, and our patent-pending retinol leveling up system, this system takes a stand against acne without declaring all-out war on your skin. Each ingredient plays a crucial role: salicylic acid dives deep into pores to clear out debris, azelaic acid works to brighten and even skin tone, and retinol promotes cell turnover without the aggression. Together, they form a powerhouse dream team that combats acne gently and effectively.

In a 12 week double-blind clinical trial conducted by the Northwestern University Department of dermatology, the Geologie Clear System was shown to be just as effective as treatments based on benzoyl peroxide. Participants in the study said the Clear System made their skin softer, smoother, and more hydrated, while reporting less dryness, redness, itching and burning than benzoyl peroxide. Most importantly, participants said they actually looked forward to using the Clear System skincare routine, and strongly preferred to acne treatments that use benzoyl peroxide.

The Future Of Acne Care

Traditional acne solutions take a one-size-fits-all approach. They give you a product that nukes the acne, but it’s up to you to deal with the collateral damage. In contrast, with the Geologie Clear System, you get a holistic routine designed not just to eliminate acne, but produce truly beautiful skin. Instead of a single acne treatment, the Clear System advances in stages, so the treatment evolves as your skin improves. However, whether you’re on Level 1, Level 2, or Level 3, your skincare routine takes just 60 seconds every day.

On top of all that, the Clear System is also more ethical and sustainable, made from vegan and cruelty-free products, underscoring a broader commitment to not just the health of your skin, but the health of our planet. In that way, the Clear System isn’t just the future of acne care; it’s a step towards a more mindful approach to beauty and wellness in general.

Don’t Settle For Inferior Acne Treatments

The Geologie Clear System is a simple simple three-step routine offers not just a solution to acne but a transformation for your skin—effectively reducing breakouts, soothing irritation, and enhancing skin texture without the harsh side effects of traditional treatments. Best of all it’s backed by clinical studies and a commitment to building a more ethical and sustainable skincare industry.

Are you ready to take the first step towards clearer, healthier skin? Because right now it’s easier than ever. The Geologie Clear System is available on shelves at Target stores nationwide. But if you don’t want to wait, or you don’t think you can trust yourself to go to Target without buying a bunch of other stuff you don’t need, you can also buy the Clear System right now through the Geologie website. This is one impulse buy you definitely won’t regret.

Earlier this morning, the first wave of artists performing at the massive Glastonbury Festival in the UK was revealed. As part of the 2024 lineup so far, Dua Lipa, Coldplay, SZA, Shania Twain, LCD Soundsystem, Idles, Disclosure, The National, Janelle Monáe, PJ Harvey, Cyndi Lauper, and many more will be performing.

The festival will be held from June 26 through June 30 this year.

Here’s what to know about how to get tickets.

How To Buy Tickets For Glastonbury Festival 2024

As of right now, tickets for Glastonbury Festival are sold out — and have been for a while. When the tickets went up for sale back in November, music lovers snapped them up within minutes.

“Our thanks to everyone who bought one and we’re sorry to those of you who missed out, on a morning when demand greatly exceeded supply,” the festival informed shortly after, according to The Standard.

However, there is still some hope. Some ticket buyers might not be able to afford it and cancel their tickets when they are set to be charged next month. If this happens, any returned tickets will go back up for sale. Only those who registered before the sale starts will be able to purchase, as Glastonbury is trying to prevent scammers.

Additional information about getting tickets for Glastonbury 2024 can be found on the festival’s website.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

There aren’t supposed to be mistakes on Jeopardy! It’s the “smart” game show. Save that sh*t for Wheel of Fortune. But on Wednesday, the game show made a rare error.

The category was “Real Names of Unreal People.” The clue for $600: “Robert Underdunk Terwilliger is the real name of this vengeful The Simpsons character.” Troy Meyer, a music executive from Tampa, Florida, correctly guessed Sideshow Bob, but Jeopardy! had the incorrect name for the H.M.S. Pinafore-loving, Bart-murdering (non-canonical), dam-building villain.

“Yes @Jeopardy you made a rare mistake,” former Simpsons writer (and fast food expert) Bill Oakley wrote on X. “It’s ‘Onderdonk.’ And @Joshstrangehill and I are certain cause we wrote that script. Cc: @KenJennings.”

Jennings’ silence is louder than Krusty’s word of the day.

Sideshow Bob’s full name was revealed in the classic season six episode, “Sideshow Bob Roberts,” when Mayor Quimby pardons Bob and releases him from prison (“Boat’s on the other side”). Now, to be fair to Jeopardy!, even the voice of Sideshow Bob got it wrong. Back in 2014, Kelsey Grammer tweeted, “Fact: Sideshow Bob’s real name is Robert Underdunk Terwilliger, PhD. #EverySimpsonsEver.” Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

(Via X / Bill Oakley)

The Oscars are a celebration of the year’s best movies and all the performances and craft work that power them, including original songs, as you well know after watching Ryan Gosling’s “I’m Just Ken” pink extravaganza 30 (let’s be honest, 50) times since Sunday night. As with all things, however, there are limits on how many films, performances, and songs get the honor of being nominated. A number far short of how many works deserve said honor.

To Leo co-writer and co-director Robert Smigel, who also wrote the original songs featured on the soundtrack, including the absolute bop, “When It’s Us” (as sung by Tiffany Topol), an Oscar snub presented an opportunity.

It started with a few social posts – Conan O’Brien, Judd Apatow, and award-winning composer Marc Shaiman making a plea for “When It’s Us” to get the Oscar spotlight while potentially being blackmailed by Smigel’s longtime creation, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog. That the nomination window had concluded was merely a detail, easily shrugged off.

As you can see above, those videos and Triumph’s MoveOnDotOrg petition worked… sorta. Topol does take to an Oscars stage (virtually), performing for a multi-generational blend of stars, some living, some dead, some with lizards tossed onto their heads. Also, Joey Fatone pops up in a lizard suit along with a couple of other lizard headed dancers.

The whole thing is funny and very on brand for Smigel (who, of course, is a legendary SNL writer who created Saturday TV Funhouse and wrote Hotel Transylvania), but it’s also a chance to honor the song. “While I couldn’t care less about awards, I thought this would be a funny way to draw attention to the song as well as the movie, which is one of the things I’m proudest of in my career,” Smigel told Uproxx before praising Topol’s voice and her own album, Sophomore Effort.

As for Smigel and Triumph, well they’ve got a comedy special coming to YouTube in the very near future. And Leo is, of course, available to stream on Netflix right now.