We all know on some level that no marriage is without its issues. But in this highlight-reel-only modern day existence, it can be easy to feel like every other couple is completely squabble-free.
So, in case you need a reminder that every marriage does, in fact, have its problems, and the research to prove this doesn’t cut it—read on.
A Redditor recently asked happily married couples: “What are some serious issues that have plagued your otherwise great relationship?”
As you can guess, these happy couples still had conflict around common subjects like money, intimacy, and communication. But even with their issues, these partners still consider their relationships as healthy. That’s saying something.
Here are 12 “serious issues” that even happy marriages continue to face:
1.“Neither of us have many friends so we rely on each other to meet too many of our needs”. –howyafeelin
“I feel like people who say “oh but that’s okay because your spouse should be all you need” don’t understand how much pressure that puts on both partners. No one person can or should be your everything.” –Square-Raspberry560
And on the opposite side of the spectrum, we have…
2. “Not enough time for ourselves.We both have big families and friend circles. If we are not seeing my friends, we are seeing her friends. If we are not seeing her family, we are seeing my family.This is on top of working long hours and being fairly introverted to boot.We have to schedule dates and ‘alone time’ so we can recover.Honestly, I couldn’t imagine managing all this with anyone else and I am so thankful for her.” –Shahfluffers
3. “The hardest things have ever been for us was when we let others dictate our relationship. My mom was always an enemy of our relationship, and her sister was always against us. As soon as we stopped letting them have opinions on us, our lives became infinitely better.” –TitularFoil
4. “No longer a pain point, but is a good reminder: just talk, don’t internalize your stresses/fears/etc. All that happens when you hold things in is that vacuum is filled with assumptions that benefit neither you or your spouse.” –Avamedic
“This!! I suffered a panic attack 2 weeks ago because I was keeping everything inside me. Once I told my wife everything I had in my head, suddenly it felt really silly that I was keeping it inside. Should have talked more from the beginning.” –MikePap
5. “Different sex drives.”-quivalent-Ad844
“Yep -I’ve experienced both being the partner with a lower sex drive and, more recently, being the one with the higher sex drive.Both were extremely difficult on our relationship and have been some of the most vulnerable and sensitive times for either of us.” –Rubinovyy17
6. “Kids put an incredible amount of stress on a relationship.” –inkyblinkypinkysue
“Parenting styles I feel like is something that is never discussed. It’s always “do you want kids?” It’s never “how do you plan on handling xyz when it comes to kids”. I’m currently trying to navigate this with my husband. I have to constantly be the bad cop because he will cave to the meltdown which requires me to do double duty trying to undo any enabling. It’s exhausting at times.” –ZolaMonster
7. “My husband has a serious phone addiction. He’s always on it, whether it’s in the bathroom, to in bed, movie night just the two of us, during meals. We can’t even eat out without him having to check his phone (for social reasons, not even work related reasons). I’ve discussed this with him multiple times and it’s in one ear out the other.” –ieatnoodlesw_sticks
8. “Holidays. My wife’s parents are divorced so we have 3 different families we’re trying to please PLUS our own. So basically whenever Christmas comes around, we need to find time to celebrate for ourself, my parents/siblings, her dad, her mom/grandma. It’s such a pain having to schedule early holidays and traveling all over the state to visit everyone.” –AFunkinDiscoBall
9. “Money money money money MONEY….MONEEEEYYYYYYYYY.” –JnyBlkLabel
“For us, not just money itself, but differences in attitudes toward it. We were raised differently and value it differently. We’re in agreement that neither of our viewpoints/attitudes is inherently right or wrong (regarding money or any of the other ways we were raised differently), but it does cause tension. I’m more of a saver and she’s more of a spender, which causes conflict especially when I’m the higher earner. Sure, I like shiny things too, but I also like my money to buy security and early retirement. I think there’s a happy medium somewhere.” –PoisonWaffle3
10. “Endometriosis. My wife had stage 4 Endo, which seriously affected her mood, my mood, our sex life, intimacy, and countless other small things. She had her first surgery in 2015. That helped for 8 months but it slowly came back. She then went UNDER for her second surgery in 2021 they got in there and realized it was too serious for this specific doctor (it covered her bladder, bowels, and other major organs). So she had to go through the recovery of a surgery while not actually getting any benefit. She was then referred to a specialist doctor, one of Canadas best. But the wait time was 1.5 years.We hung on…and went through some rough times….But she finally had her surgery in June 2023, a full hysterectomy, and total cleanout of endometriosis…..and she’s feeling incredible! Endometriosis is awful. She was such a trooper, and we are now doing incredible. :)” –ActivE__
11.“Stubbornness. You CANNOT be stubborn in a marriage. You must be able to give, take, be self aware of your giving and taking, and be able to communicate about the nature of each others gives and takes.” –rippa76
12. “Deciding what the heck is for dinner every night !” –Main-Jelly-8589
Bottom line: though of course being able to navigate conflict is integral to every successful marriage, avoiding it entirely is impossible. So if you and your significant other can never seem to “get over” that one nagging problem…you’re not alone. And you’re not doomed.