The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow, and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.
For the second monthly installment of The Best Hip-Hop Albums, we had to dig a little deeper than we did in March, thanks in part to fewer releases overall. However, while there were fewer albums from established, well-known acts, plenty of up-and-coming artists took the opportunity to stake their claims on gaining a foothold in the public consciousness.
Thanks to Drake and Kendrick Lamar, it was an uphill battle. While Kendrick’s contribution to their ongoing feud didn’t arrive until the end of the month, Drake’s antics were more than enough to keep us all at our favorite digital water coolers, discussing his distasteful use of AI, and whether he still has the juice to survive another confrontation with a lyrical heavyweight with a longer history of critical support.
But even with those two sucking up all the oxygen, there were still plenty of new releases worth checking out if beef wasn’t your thing. Here are the best hip-hop albums of April 2024.
Anycia — Princess Pop That
Anycia
The Atlanta newcomer got plenty of attention thanks to Latto’s verse on “Back Outside,” but Anycia’s first-ever mixtape bears more than enough proof that she’s bigger than beef. Her herky-jerky flow, smoky vocal timbre, and unabashed bluntness are versatile enough to tackle both boisterous boasts and unfiltered heartbreak, while the choice of production keeps the energy level high through all 14 tracks.
Future & Metro Boomin — We Still Don’t Trust You
Future / Metro Boomin
The second half of Future & Metro’s double disc project focuses more on the singing than the rapping, so there was a strong argument that this leaves it in Wongo’s territory, but we did include it in the Best New Hip-Hop of the week, so it qualifies for the month. Besides, thanks to contributions from ASAP Rocky, J. Cole, and Lil Baby, it still has more than enough bars for anyone who wants them.
GloRilla — EhhThang EhhThang
GloRilla
Hip-hop can be a lot of things: Angry, menacing, political, and thoughtful. But I think at its core, what people want most from rap music is for it to be fun. GloRilla understands this and aims to feed this impulse directly on her first mixtape since 2020’s independent P Status. The project allays concerns that she might have been just a one-hit wonder with song of the summer potentiates “Wanna Be” featuring Megan Thee Stallion and “Yeah Glo!” while providing introspection on “Aite” and “High AF.” Will you find dizzying feats of virtuoso lyrical gamesmanship here? No. But hip-hop has always been way more than just rappity-rap wordplay and “fight the power” ethos. Sometimes, you just want to turn up. That’s when you turn on GloRilla.
J. Cole — Might Delete Later
J. Cole
I also debated not including this one, solely based on Cole’s decision to pull “7 Minute Drill” from DSPs as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Fortunately for him, there are still 11 other solid tracks, including the nostalgic Dipset callback “Ready ’24” and “H.Y.B” with Bas and Central Cee. Intricate wordplay may not be your thing, but Cole’s latest scratches that very specific itch, despite distracting him from following through on his promise to bring The Fall-Off to fruition.
Skilla Baby — The Coldest
Skilla Baby
The Michigan rapper follows up his 2023 collaborative project Controversy with Tee Grizzley with a solid solo effort. The Coldest finds him using his choppy flow to detail his misadventures in the streets with a cool-headed charisma that makes what should be worn-out material sound fresher than ever. A slew of guest stars, from Flo Milli to Rob49, join him on trunk-rattling production, but he never lets anyone steal the spotlight, proving that he’s a star in the making.
With her third album, Radical Optimism, on the way, Dua Lipa is on top of the world. As one of the biggest pop stars of her time, Lipa’s latest era has proven promising. With fully fleshed-out visuals and well-produced bangers, Lipa is a certified superstar.
Perhaps the Recording Academy called it back in 2019, when she won the coveted Best New Artist award at the Grammys. Though the Academy was convinced, some weren’t.
In an interview with Apple Music 1’s Zane Lowe (per Rolling Stone), Lipa shared that some of the hate comments she received after her big win helped motivate her to improve her craft.
“‘She’s got no stage presence. She can’t do this. She’s not well equipped. She won’t be here next year though.’ There was a lot of that and that fueled me in a way,” Lipa said. “I try not use criticism as this revenge thing but it does push you in a way.”
Lipa continued, explaining that proving people wrong is part of the fun.
“Whenever I see or feel or read anything that goes against what I know is coming […] I just kind of take a step back and I just go, ‘All of this is background noise and I should just stick on my path,’” she said. “Because every time someone has doubted me, I’ve proved them wrong. This is fueling me, this is pushing me to be better, to work hard.”
The full interview will be available to watch today (May 1) at 1 p.m. ET.
Radical Optimism is out 5/3 via Warner Records. Find more information here.
This holiday season, Christmas is coming early for fans of blood and violence. Terrifier 3 is the upcoming installment in the Terrifier franchise, which has become a cult phenomenon that threatened to put Pennywise to shame.
The second installment, made on a $250,000 budget, grossed over $15 million worldwide in 2022, and now Art the Clown is showing up to theaters a few weeks early for a new release date.
In Terrifier 3, our good friend Art the Clown is back as he “unleashes chaos on the unsuspecting residents of Miles County as they peacefully drift off to sleep on Christmas Eve.” The movie is set to hit theaters on October 11th, just one week after another certain edgy clown is set to return to theaters. What’s next? A Ronald McDonald biopic??
Brad Miska, vice president of Bloody Disgusting, promises that Art the clown is just getting started. “I knew the second I saw Terrifier 2 that it would be a generational horror film and was ecstatic when horror fans showed up to experience the movie in theaters making it one of the biggest indie horror successes of all time. With Terrifier 3, Damien Leone and Phil Falcone have handcrafted a theatrical experience like no other that will shock the hell out of audiences this fall. Art the Clown will slay October once again,” Miska concluded.
Somebody please tell the Joker he needs to step up his slaying game!! Lady Gaga will help.
Charly Bliss, who released one of the best albums of 2019, have announced their first album in five years. FOREVER is described as the group’s “biggest, brightest power pop yet,” with songs from band members Eva Hendricks, Sam Hendricks, Spencer Fox, and Dan Shure that “cram a lifetime of feeling, decades of friendship, and years of craft into a batch of sonically tight but emotionally vast songs that activate the pleasure centers in your brain.”
FOREVER is produced by Jake Luppen (Hippo Campus) and Caleb Wright (Samia), as well as the band’s own Sam Hendricks.
The first single from FOREVER is “Nineteen,” a sweeping ballad about young love. “I’ll always be fascinated by love and relationships that don’t quite work and bring tsunamis of heartbreak,” Hendricks said in a statement about the song. “The further away I am from it, the kind of love that bashes you against the rocks just as often as it carries you over waves of manic joy, the easier it is to see the full scope of it. First love is crazy.” You can watch the music video above, as well as see the album cover artwork and tracklist below.
Charly Bliss’ FOREVER Album Cover Artwork
Milan Dileo
Charly Bliss’ FOREVER Tracklist
1. “Tragic”
2. “Calling You Out”
3. “Back There Now”
4. “Nineteen”
5. “In Your Bed”
6. “I’m Not Dead”
7. “How Do You Do It”
8. “I Don’t Know Anything”
9. “Here Comes The Darkness”
10. “Waiting For You”
11. “Easy To Love You”
12. “Last First Kiss”
FOREVER is out August 16 on Lucky Number Music. Find more information here.
Concert season is upon us. And yes, we all know the struggles of buying tickets online. But thankfully, Live Nation is giving us a sweet reprieve from breaking the bank. Today (May 1), the live music power house announced the return of Concert Week, a week-long promo in which tickets for some of the year’s most anticipated shows go on sale for only $25.
Tickets will go on sale beginning May 8 through May 14. Tickets will be good for over 5,000 and 900 artists. 21 Savage, Alanis Morissette, Cage The Elephant, Celeste Barber, Dan + Shay, Dierks Bentley, Feid, Janet Jackson, Meghan Trainor, New Kids On The Block, Peso Pluma, Sean Paul, Thirty Seconds To Mars, and more.
During the week of Live Nation’s Concert Week promo, fans can visit Live Nation’s official website and select a show from there. Once they’ve selected a show, fans should look for the ticket type labeled “Concert Week Promotion.” Then, fans will add their tickets to the cart and proceed to checkout from there.
This year marks 10 years since Live Nation introduced this promo. And in celebration of the milestone, the concert week promo is expanding to over 20 different countries, including those in Australia, Asia, Europe, the UK and the Middle East.
Fans can see the artists and venues participating here.
Keeping track of all the new albums coming out in a given month is a big job, but we’re up for it: Below is a comprehensive list of the major releases you can look forward to in May. If you’re not trying to potentially miss out on anything, it might be a good idea to keep reading.
Friday, May 3
Adeem the Artist — Anniversary (Four Quarters Records/Thirty Tigers)
American Culture — Hey Brother, It’s Been A While (Convulse Records)
Amy Aileen Wood — The Heartening (Colorfield Records)
Better Than Ezra — Super Magick (Round Hill Records)
Blushing — Sugarcoat (Kanine Records)
The Bolshoi — Country Life (Beggars Banquet Records)
Camera Obscura — Look to the East, Look to the West (Merge Records)
Charlotte Day Wilson — Cyan Blues (XL Recordings)
Chris Smither — All About the Bones (Signature Sounds/Mighty Albert)
Dan Rincon — Spotlight City (Castle Face Records)
David J — Tracks From the Attic (Independent Project Records)
Dua Lipa — Radical Optimism (Warner Records UK)
Elkka — Prism of Pleasure (Ninja Tune)
Emily Barker — Fragile as Humans (Everyone Sang)
Emily Nenni — Drive & Cry Man (New West Records)
Frank Turner — Undefeated (Xtra Mile Recordings)
ghost piss — Dream Girl (Sockhead Records)
Hana Vu — Romanticism (Ghostly International)
Home Counties — Exactly As It Seems (Submarine Cat Records)
Ibibio Sound Machine — Pull The Rope (Merge Records)
il sogno del marinaio — Terzo (Improved Sequence)
Jawnino — 40 Tape (True Panther Records)
Jess Locke — Real Life (Dot Dash Recordings)
Jharis Yokley — Sometimes, Late At Night (Rainbow Blonde Records)
John Carpenter — Lost Themes IV: Noir (Rodeo Suplex/Sacred Bones Records)
Jon McKiel — Hex (You’ve Changed Records)
Kacy Hill — Bug (Nettwerk)
Kamasi Washington — Fearless Movement (Shoto Mas Inc./Young)
Kee Avil — Spine (Constellation)
Keith Wallen — Infinity Now (Rise Records)
LA Priest — La Fusion EP (Domino)
The Lemon Twigs — A Dream Is All We Know (Captured Tracks)
Maurice White — Manifestation (Platinum Garage Recordings/SoulMusic Records)
Mdou Moctar — Funeral For Justice (Matador Records)
Milo Korbenski — When You Gonna Tell ’Em the Truth, Aaron? (Phantom Limb)
Missio — I Am Cinco (Nettwerk)
Naima — City Lights EP (NAIMA)
Nell Mescal — Can I Miss It For a Minute? EP (LAB Records)
The NFL offseason is not really an offseason at all. While February through August is slower than when NFL games are played during the fall and winter months, the NFL never sleeps. The NFL churns out storylines year-round, and the offseason is an incubator for the wildest narratives because all of it is based upon hope and projection rather than results.
To recap, I assigned a theme song to each NFL team to accentuate the need-to-know offseason happenings so far.
Arizona Cardinals
Kendrick Lamar Feat. Rihanna — “LOYALTY.”
Once upon a time, in 2019, the Arizona Cardinals then-head coach Kliff Kingsbury said, “Josh is our guy,” and, thankfully, the irony is preserved in this tweet. He was speaking of Arizona’s 2018 first-round pick Josh Rosen. By April 2019, the Cardinals used the No. 1 overall pick to draft his replacement, Kyler Murray. Rosen was traded to Miami, and that was that.
The Cardinals found themselves in eerily familiar territory this offseason. Again, they publicly declared their commitment to Murray, but questions remained because they had the No. 4 overall pick, and this quarterback-heavy class presented the opportunity to reset the quarterback contract clock. But Arizona’s promise wasn’t empty this time, and they bolstered their loyalty to Murray by using the No. 4 overall pick on Marvin “Maserati Marv” Harrison Jr., who should immediately help to optimize the flashes Murray has shown up to this point.
Atlanta Falcons
Usher — “You Make Me Wanna…”
Unlike the Cardinals, the Atlanta Falcons remained loyal to Kirk Cousins for approximately 45 days before Michael Penix Jr. made them wanna start a new relationship with him. Atlanta signed Cousins — a 35-year-old rehabbing a torn Achilles — to a four-year, $180 million contract with $100 million guaranteed. All evidence pointed toward Atlanta settling down with Cousins and using the No. 8 overall pick to get an immediate impact player to help the team maximize this Cousins window. But while Cousins was parading around to Atlanta United FC and Braves games, the Falcons were flying across the country to Washington to get to know Penix. Head coach Raheem Morris and general manager Terry Fontenot insist that Cousins “is our quarterback,” but using the No. 8 overall pick on Penix as Cousins’ successor left an unsuspecting Cousins reportedly “a bit stunned.”
Baltimore Ravens
Dionne Warwick — “Déjà Vu”
The Baltimore Ravens ace every offseason. In 2023, it was extending two-time MVP quarterback Lamar Jackson when it seemed their relationship was irrevocable. This spring, despite losing 15 players in free agency (and defensive coordinator Mike Macdonald to the Seahawks), Baltimore remained true to who they’ve always been — signing Derrick Henry, retaining Justin Madubuike, and drafting cornerback Nate Wiggins. But every season, the Baltimore Ravens come up short. Last season was the closest the Ravens have come to returning to the Super Bowl since winning Super Bowl XLVII to cap the 2012 season, but their league-best 13-4 run came to a sputtering end with an uninspired performance against the Chiefs in the AFC Championship Game. How long will this cycle continue?
Buffalo Bills
Ryan Gosling — “I’m Just Ken”
The Buffalo Bills have an alien at quarterback, and it doesn’t matter. Josh Allen is No. 2 to Patrick Mahomes. The Bills threw everything at the wall, and it doesn’t matter what they do because they are No. 2 — or closer to third or fourth, if the Bengals and Ravens have a say — to the Chiefs. At any other time, perhaps the Bills would be a ten. But the past three years, Buffalo’s season ended in the Divisional Round, twice to the Chiefs. This offseason was the Bills’ reckoning. The first iteration of the Allen-led, Super Bowl-contending Bills perished, as Stefon Diggs was shipped out to Houston, and other core players like Tre’Davious White, Jordan Poyer, and Micah Hyde leaving. The Bills will be viable as long as Allen is under center, but the Bills’ short-term Super Bowl chances took a hit in 2024.
Carolina Panthers
Paramore — “Ain’t It Fun”
This time last year, Bryce Young was presumably riding the euphoria of having just been drafted as a Heisman-winning quarterback prospect out of Alabama after Carolina moved heaven and earth to trade into the No. 1 overall spot. Hope, however faint, surrounded a new regime Panthers. Then, head coach Frank Reich was fired 11 games into a heinous 2-15 campaign in 2023. This offseason, Young is firmly acclimated to the realities of the NFL, where quarterbacks have approximately five minutes to prove worthy before teams give up on them, especially a franchise owned by David Tepper. The Panthers attempted to support Young by adding wide receiver Diontae Johnson and offensive guard Robert Hunt in free agency, and then drafting wide receiver Xavier Legette (No. 32 overall) and running back Jonathan Brooks (No. 46). But the weight of the world remains on Young’s shoulders.
Chicago Bears
Prince — “Controversy”
Ahead of last week’s NFL Draft, sportswriter Dave Fleming appeared on Pablo Torre Finds Out and said, “I will tell you, he scares the sh*t out of a lot of NFL teams, too. The book on him is he’s just kind of a weird kid. One GM told me it’s like if Prince played quarterback.” The anonymous GM probably intended for that to be an insult, but it is unequivocally the coolest compliment imaginable.
Like Prince, Williams challenges stale convention. His uninhibited self-expression makes people uncomfortable. His personality is perceived as controversial. Before the Bears shipped Justin Fields to Pittsburgh, there was controversy within Chicago’s fandom as to whether the Bears should keep Fields or start over with Williams. Predictably, the Bears drafted Williams No. 1 overall, and Williams is set up for success — surrounded by talented skill players like D.J. Moore, Keenan Allen, Rome Odunze, D’Andre Swift, and Cole Kmet. The Bears have done everything right this offseason — really, the past two offseasons. But people will manufacture controversies around Williams, even when he surely becomes the first quarterback in Bears history to throw for 4,000 yards and 30 touchdowns.
.@FlemFile on what a former NFL scout told him about Caleb Williams:
“Raw emotion is great, but Caleb’s thing? That was ridiculous to me. That threw up major red flags. … I will tell you, he scares the sh*t out of a lot of NFL teams too. The book on him is he’s just kind of a… pic.twitter.com/0XQXYvuZUd
The sky is threatening to fall in Cincinnati. Wide receiver Tee Higgins reportedly demanded a trade but will likely play 2024 on the franchise tag. Defensive end Trey Hendrickson also reportedly demanded a trade. The Bengals traded running back Joe Mixon to Houston and lost defensive tackle D.J. Reader to Detroit in free agency. Such is life after signing star quarterback Joe Burrow to a five-year, $275 million and preparing to make Ja’Marr Chase a top-paid receiver. The first phase of the Burrow-led Bengals is over, but if the sky is falling, nobody told Burrow, who said during a live New Heights event that the Bengals are “built to beat” the Chiefs.
Cleveland Browns
Olivia Rodrigo — “get him back!”
Publicly, the Browns will likely gush about how excited they are to get quarterback Deshaun Watson back after his season-ending shoulder surgery in 2023. Privately, I’m willing to bet there’s a group text full of Browns-adjacent people wishing they could plot revenge against everyone involved in 1) trading for and 2) shelling out a fully guaranteed five-year, $230 million contract to an embattled Watson in 2022. Watson’s time in Cleveland has been defined by an 11-game suspension, injuries, and putrid quarterback play. Watson is holding back an otherwise solid Browns roster, and the Browns can’t get him back for it until 2026.
Dallas Cowboys
The Weekend, Playboi Carti, and Madonna — “Popular”
Jerry Jones desperately wants to be popular. If presented with the choice between winning next year’s Super Bowl or securing eternal popularity, I’m convinced Jones, in his most honest moment, would choose the latter. Jones swore the Cowboys would be “all-in” with their approach to this offseason, but they have objectively been anything but. Dallas made six moves in free agency. Dallas does not appear close to extending quarterback Dak Prescott, pass-rusher Micah Parsons, or wide receiver CeeDee Lamb — setting Prescott up to be an unrestricted (in every sense of the word) free agent next year. But why handle any football business when Jones and, by extension, the Cowboys are in the relevancy business? For Jones, any offseason in which the media is regularly discussing the Cowboys is a successful offseason.
Denver Broncos
Alexander 23 — “Crash”
The Denver Broncos dumped Russell Wilson. And they didn’t just dump him. They decided it was worth $85 million in dead money just to get him to go away. In 2023, first-year Broncos head coach Sean Payton marginally improved Wilson’s performance. Payton developed a reputation as a quarterback guru as the head coach with the New Orleans Saints, and Wilson used to be a great quarterback before inexplicably becoming unrecognizable in the pocket. As Alexander 23 sings, “Apart we’re great, but together we suck / I’m sorry for the way it ended, but ending it, baby, not so much / ‘Cause me and you weren’t built to last / We were two fast cars on our way to crash.” And so, Bo Nix is set to be the 14th Broncos starting quarterback since Peyton Manning’s 2016 retirement.
Detroit Lions
Eminem — “Lose Yourself”
The Lions are in Eminem’s second verse of “Lose Yourself”: “This world is mine for the taking, make me king / As we move toward a new world order.” The lowly Lions are dead after winning their first playoff game in 32 years and narrowly missing a Super Bowl LVIII appearance. A well-earned target is affixed to the Lions back, and they aren’t going anywhere. They extended general manager Brad Holmes and head coach Dan Campbell, and they continued bolstering the roster, including an extension for Amon-Ra St. Brown. Detroit football fans are losing themselves in this long-awaited culmination, breaking the all-time attendance record at the 2024 NFL Draft.
Green Bay Packers
Lil Wayne — “Let The Beat Build”
One day, the terms of the Packers’ deal with the devil will be disclosed. It is the only explanation for 30 consecutive years of great (or solid, at least) quarterback play in Green Bay — Brett Favre funneling directly into Aaron Rodgers, funneling directly into Jordan Love. As Lil Wayne rapped, “They diminish, I replenish.” Green Bay epitomizes steady construction — letting the beat build, if you will — and the 2023 season was a microcosm of that identity.
In his first full season as a starter, Love, 25, started out shaky but slowly came into his own and showed as much promise as anyone while leading the Packers to a surprising playoff run. With an average age of 25.7 years, the Packers are the NFL’s youngest team and ahead of schedule yet right on time. Green Bay additionally prioritized youth this offseason by releasing running back Aaron Jones, 29, and in favor of signing Josh Jacobs, 26, as well as 24-year-old safety Xavier McKinney, in free agency. All-Pro offensive tackle David Bakhtiari, 32, was also released, and the Packers used the 25th overall pick on offensive lineman Jordan Morgan.
Houston Texans
SZA — “Snooze”
The Texans can’t snooze and miss this moment while emerging worldly quarterback C.J. Stroud is relatively cheap on his rookie contract. And they know it. Houston traded for Pro Bowl running back Joe Mixon and All-Pro receiver Stefon Diggs, and then bolstered the defense by signing Danielle Hunter and Denico Autry in free agency. After impressive rookie campaigns from Stroud and head coach DeMeco Ryans, Houston is positioned as a potent threat in the AFC.
Indianapolis Colts
Nine Days — “Absolutely (Story Of A Girl)”
This song is about one girl, but it applies to the Colts when divvied up between owner Jim Irsay and second-year quarterback Anthony Richardson. Irsay is a boisterous figure who seems to always be the subject of a headline that could have been generated by MadLibs. Presumably, Irsay’s presence places a strain on the franchise. It’s probably really stressful for general manager Chris Ballard or head coach Shane Steichen, but one smile from Richardson after an absurdly athletic touchdown, and everything feels better. The Colts’ 2024 and beyond depends on Richardson’s rehab from season-ending shoulder surgery, but you have to absolutely love the potential of this young core.
Jacksonville Jaguars
21 Savage — “a lot”
Credit where credit is due, Jacksonville was aggressive in response to fumbling away the AFC South and missing the playoffs entirely last season. The Jags spent signed the likes of defensive tackle Arik Armstead, wide receiver Gabe Davis, and center Mitch Morse in free agency, and then they extended Pro Bowl pass-rusher Josh Allen before drafting LSU receiver Brian Thomas Jr. at No. 23 overall. But…
How much money did the Jags spend in free agency? A lot. How many question marks remain in Jacksonville? A lot. How many people are doubting 2021 No. 1 overall pick Trevor Lawrence as a paradigm-shifting quarterback of the future? A lot.
Kansas City Chiefs
Taylor Swift — “Look What You Made Me Do”
Taylor Swift’s historically prolific discography is more or less exclusively licensed to the Chiefs due to her ongoing romance with Travis Kelce, so it would be negligent not to use it.
The league let the Chiefs become the first back-to-back Super Bowl champions in two decades despite rostering an oft-ridiculed wide receiver corps in a “down year.” (Or, quarterback Patrick Mahomes and a nasty defense snatched it, depending on your perspective.) The Chiefs had to go on the road during the playoffs for the first time in Mahomes’ career, and they internalized every ounce of doubt — real or perceived — and plowed to their third Super Bowl in five years (“I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time / Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time”). Had the Chiefs not won Super Bowl LVIII, perhaps they let Chris Jones walk in free agency, but because an unprecedented three-peat and football immortality is now on the table, the Chiefs uncharacteristically made Jones the highest-paid defensive tackle with a five-year extension. And as if Kelce wasn’t already living the most charmed life imaginable, the Chiefs went ahead and made him the highest-paid tight end.
Las Vegas Raiders
Charli XCX — “Von Dutch”
In the week leading up to Super Bowl LVIII, Raiders star pass-rusher Maxx Crosby told Colin Cowherd that he was actually pulling for his in-division rival Chiefs to become the back-to-back champions because, even though he “hate[s] all the teams equally,” he wants the Raiders “to be the ones that take ’em down.” The following week, newly hired head coach Antonio Pierce joined Crosby’s podcast, The Rush, and repeatedly proclaimed his “hatred” for the Chiefs. Pierce shared his plan to institute “Patrick Mahomes rules” — a callback to the Detroit Pistons’ “Jordan Rules” — “as long as I’m here.” I imagine Mahomes and the Chiefs hearing all of this, hitting play on “Von Dutch,” and knowingly nodding along as Charli XCX sings, “It’s okay to just admit that you’re jealous of me / Yeah, I heard you talk about me, that’s the word on the street / You’re obsessin’, just confess it, put your hands up / It’s obvious, I’m your No. 1.”
Los Angeles Chargers
Tyler The Creator Feat. Playboi Carti & Charlie Wilson — “EARFQUAKE”
Tyler The Creator’s “EARFQUAKE” is about being “for real this time” because he “cannot fall short” again. It’s probably not far off from Justin Herbert’s inner monologue. Herbert has been put in positions to fail since he became their starter in 2020 — four head coaches, four offensive coordinators — but the Chargers hiring Jim Harbaugh is supposed to be different. For the past three-ish years, L.A. has been an offseason and preseason darling, but Harbaugh legitimizes Herbert and the Chargers as being for real this time.
To be fair, this song also suits the Cowboys, given the ambiguous contract situations with Dak Prescott, CeeDee Lamb, and Micah Parsons, but as is always the case when discussing the Cowboys, I couldn’t overlook Jerry Jones’ ego. Anyway, Miami is in a similar hell. This offseason, Miami felt the financial ramifications of spending big after acquiring Tyreek Hill in March 2022 to try and win within Tua Tagovailoa’s rookie contract window. Christian Wilkins, Robert Hunt, and Xavien Howard are among the starters they lost. Honestly, as a recovering commitment phobe, the Dolphins trigger me. Do you want to commit to Tua, or do you want to let him go? Are you going to live up to the hype before Hill’s contract expires, or are you going to continue to reinvent underachieving?
Minnesota Vikings
Beyoncé Feat. Miley Cyrus — “II Most Wanted”
At February’s NFL Combine, head coach Kevin O’Connell expressed there was a mutual interest in Cousins remaining the Vikings quarterback. But then, Cousins left for Atlanta in free agency, and the Vikings acquired an additional first-round draft pick — intending to trade up and get their future franchise quarterback. Cousins was grandfathered in as O’Connell’s quarterback when he took over as head coach in 2022, and it has been written all over O’Connell’s face how delighted he is to hand-pick his own ride-or-die (“Been a while since I haven’t tried to pull away / But it’s time for somethin’ new”). That is 21-year-old now-former Michigan quarterback J.J. McCarthy, whom Minnesota drafted at No. 10 overall. In Minnesota’s most idyllic projection, McCarthy and O’Connell (and Justin Jefferson) will ride together ’til the day they retire.
New England Patriots
Reneé Rapp — “I Hate Boston”
The end of a dynasty is always ugly. If reports are true, Patriots owner Robert Kraft has been doing the most to make Bill Belichick hate New England after they “mutually agreed” to end Belichick’s 24-year tenure as head coach. First, the Apple TV+ docuseries The Dynasty portrayed Kraft in a much more positive light than Belichick. Then, ESPN’s Don Van Natta Jr., Seth Wickersham, and Jeremy Fowler reported that Kraft actively dissuaded the Falcons from hiring Belichick as their next head coach. (Atlanta went with Raheem Morris, and Belichick did not get an NFL coaching job for 2024.) If that weren’t enough, Patriots safety Jabrill Peppers shared that Belichick-themed signs seem to have been removed from the team’s facility by the new regime led by rookie head coach Jerod Mayo. If the Patriots struggle as much as is projected in the coming years, Mayo and No. 3 overall pick Drake Maye might hate Boston, too.
New Orleans Saints
Destiny’s Child — “Bills, Bills, Bills”
The New Orleans Saints always owe someone money. No NFL team more frequently has chronically due bills because the Saints are constantly borrowing from the future and ignoring the concept of a salary cap. As such, the Saints remain in cap hell while hurtling toward oblivion.
New York Giants
Post Malone — “Circles”
The Giants are in a self-inflicted loop with quarterback Daniel Jones. Last March, hey made the baffling and indefensible decision to give Jones a wholly unnecessary four-year, $160 million ($92 million guaranteed) contract. Jones only played six games last season for the dismal Giants, but the Giants can’t move on from him because of that contract. General manager Joe Schoen has expressed pretty lukewarm faith in Jones moving forward, but NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport reported that New York “made one last-ditch effort” to trade into the Patriots’ No. 3 overall pick in an effort to select Jones’ replacement.
New York Jets
Daniel Caesar — “Pain Is Inevitable”
Jets fans know that pain is inevitable. Jets fans know their beloved football team has needed “a lesson in mishap prevention” for the better part of 50 years. Aaron Rodgers was supposed to be the savior last offseason, but he lasted four snaps before rupturing his Achilles and missing the entire season. Forty-year-old Rodgers will return for 2024 — conspiracy theories, distracting rhetoric, and vice presidential rumors in tow — but the Jets’ solution to fix an older, injury-prone roster was to sign older, injury-prone free agents, such as wide receiver Mike Williams and offensive tackle Tyron Smith. The Jets had a surprisingly prudent draft, but it won’t matter. Because the Jets are the Jets, and Rodgers is preoccupied.
Philadelphia Eagles
The Kid Laroi — “What Just Happened”
The Philadelphia Eagles suffered a confounding unraveling to end the 2023 season, losing five of six to finish the regular season only to get embarrassed 32-9 by Tampa Bay in the Wild Card Round. All-Pro center Jason Kelce and All-Pro defensive tackle Fletcher Cox retired. Philadelphia began triage by choosing to forgo flirting with Bill Belichick and retaining Nick Sirianni as head coach. Sirianni hired new coordinators (Kellen Moore, Vic Fangio), and general manager Howie Roseman demonstrated his annual wizardry with big-time signings, such as running back Saquon Barkley, safety C.J. Gardner-Johnson, wide receiver DeVonta Smith, and wide receiver A.J. Brown. Then, Philly’s draft was targeted to address the defensive secondary, their most glaring weakness last season. It’s been a lot to process, and I don’t know if the Eagles crossed the line because I don’t even know what just happened.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Billie Eilish — “What Was I Made For?”
Russell Wilson is a shell of his Super Bowl-winning self. Wilson left the Seattle Seahawks for Denver in 2022 and proceeded to play himself out of the Hall Of Fame. He used to float, now he just falls down. Signing a one-year deal with Pittsburgh is probably Wilson’s final chance at resurrecting what’s left of his ability, and he will share the quarterback room with former Bears No. 1 pick Justin Fields, who is also trying to redirect his NFL trajectory. And looming over them will be the Steelers’ overarching identity crisis.
San Francisco 49ers
Justin Bieber — “At Least For Now”
At least for now, the 49ers are still Super Bowl favorites, despite losing to the Chiefs in the Super Bowl twice in the past five years. At least for now, head coach Kyle Shanahan gets the benefit of the doubt. At least for now, the 49ers don’t have to allocate substantial long-term money to “Mr. Irrelevant”-turned-MVP candidate Brock Purdy. At least for now, Deebo Samuel and Brandon Aiyuk are still in San Francisco, and the 49ers can avoid the disappointment of having to make tough decisions about their aging and expensive core in 2025. The only thing that could alleviate that disappointment would be absolving the persistent disappointment of not having won a Super Bowl in 30 years.
Seattle Seahawks
Tori Kelly Feat. Jon Bellion — “Young Gun”
This song goes out to Pete Carroll. At 72 years old, Carroll was the oldest head coach in the NFL. In January, he told the press that he planned to continue coaching the team. Shortly thereafter, Seattle swapped him out for “a young gun from another town,” the Ravens’ 36-year-old defensive coordinator Mike Macdonald, who is now the NFL’s youngest head coach. In a meager attempt to soften the blow, Seattle kept Carroll around as “an advisor.”
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Migos Feat. Drake — “Walk It Talk It”
Tampa committed to 2018 No. 1 overall pick-turned-journeyman Baker Mayfield with a three-year, $100 million contract. Mayfield was known as a talker before arriving in Tampa last year, but he revived his career (and recaptured his swagger) through mature leadership. Meanwhile, nobody would have blamed superstar wide receiver Mike Evans if he wanted to explore free agency and sign with a team primed to contend for a Super Bowl, but he proved his commitment to spend his entire career with the Bucs by re-signing on a two-year deal. The Bucs have expertly maneuvered these bridge years post-Tom Brady — remaining in the mix rather than totally bottoming out.
lmaoooo I don’t know why it took this long for me to see this video of Baker Mayfield dancing to Migos but it is LEGENDARY pic.twitter.com/d1C9Eciclg
Titans fans are going to need patience. Yes, Tennessee made free-agency splashes with L’Jarius Sneed, Calvin Ridley, and Tony Pollard, but first-year head coach Brian Callahan will need time to build out his program in the wake of Mike Vrabel. The Titans have been in “slow burn” territory regarding quarterback for quite awhile. Heading into 2024, it’s far from guaranteed that Will Levis is the guy at quarterback.
Washington Commanders
Liz Phair — “Why Can’t I?”
Washington took 20-plus prospects on a group date to Topgolf, but, as NFL reporter Tom Pelissero relayed on The Rich Eisen Show, “One of those four quarterbacks who visited for the Topgolf trip got picked up by [head coach] Dan Quinn, and the other ones took a shuttle bus to the hotel.” I enjoy envisioning an awkward group date during which reigning Heisman-winning LSU quarterback Jaden Daniels and Commanders brass locked eyes intermittently with an unspoken anticipation for their inevitable partnership, beginning with the No. 2 pick in the 2024 NFL Draft. Washington has butterflies for Daniels, who symbolizes the dawn of a hopeful future after finally breaking free from a toxic 24-year relationship with former owner Dan Snyder.
Madame Web made the wrong type of waves at the box office (a little Sydney Sweeney romcom earned far more ticket sales), but at least the Spider-Man franchise film gave us an anti-iconic line for the ages: “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.” The film did, however, evoke Morbius comparisons, so it wouldn’t be entirely out of the realm of possibility for the movie to go viral on streaming.
In case you missed the synopsis for the Dakota Johnson/Sydney Sweeney picture, here is a refresher.
“Meanwhile, in another universe…” In a switch from the typical genre, Madame Web tells the standalone origin story of one of Marvel publishing’s most enigmatic heroines. The suspense-driven thriller stars Dakota Johnson as Cassandra Webb, a paramedic in Manhattan who may have clairvoyant abilities. Forced to confront revelations about her past, she forges a relationship with three young women destined for powerful futures… if they can all survive a deadly present.
Normani is laying it all out on the table. Ahead of her long-awaited solo debut album, Dopamine, the “1:59” singer opened up in an interview with The Cut.
Of course, many fans are wondering about her time in Fifth Harmony. While Normani expressed gratitude for her journey with the group, she compared her time in the group to a “prison sentence,” according to the magazine.
When first starting out, Normani was happy to be among four other girls.
“I didn’t want to be at the forefront,” she said. “It wasn’t until later that I started feeling like a token.”
Following an interview in 2016, during which, Normani called her then-bandmate Camila Cabello “cute” and “quirky,” which fans interpreted as a slight. After the comment, Cabello’s fans flooded social media with racist drawings and death threats targeted toward Normani.
“We just continued to do shows, and I was fearing for my life,” Normani said. “But they continued to put me out there on the stage. It was pretty much like, ‘The show goes on.’”
The buzz is high for Normani’s solo debut, which she’s been teasing for almost six years. And with over 12 years in the industry, we’re certain she’ll have more stories to share within the music.
Dopamine is out 6/14 via RCA. Find more information here.
Lovers & Friends is coming up this weekend, on May 4 in Las Vegas. The one-day lineup this year is pretty killer, so if you’re planning to go, here’s what to know about who’s performing when.
Lovers & Friends Festival Set Times For 2024
On the Lovers Stage, Ginuwine goes on at 12:20 (all times p.m. and PT), Xscape at 1:20, Ne-Yo at 2:30, TLC at 3:30, Ludacris at 4:30, Ciara at 5:30, Snoop Dogg at 6:40, Mary J. Blige at 7:40, Usher (performing Confessions at 9:05, and Janet Jackson at 11:05.
Performers hitting the Friends stage include Ja Rule and Ashanti at 3, Nelly at 4, Nelly Furtado at 5, Gwen Stefani at 6, Lil Wayne (performing The Carter III at 7:10, Backstreet Boys at 8:25, and Alicia Keys at 10:20.
The Crunk Stage will host, among others, Kelly Rowland at 4:05, Jeremih at 5:15, T-Pain at 5:50, Robin Thicke at 7:15, Monica at 9:15, Brandy at 10:05, and Nas at 11.
Highlights from the Bling Stage include Majid Jordan at 4:55, 98 Degrees at 6:10, 6lack at 6:50, Craig David at 7:25, Akon at 8:05, Timbaland at 8:45, Sean Paul at 9:20, Eve at 9:55, Keyshia Cole at 10:30, and M.I.A. at 11:05.
Finally, over at the Poppin’ Stage, there’s Ying Yang Twins at 2:55, Too Short at 3:30, Lupe Fiasco at 4:05, Fabolous at 4:40, E-40 at 5:15, T.I. at 5:50, Fat Joe at 6:25, Jeezy at 7, Rick Ross at 7:35, Method Man and Redman at 8:10, Juvenile at 8:55, Cam’ron at 9:30, Twista at 10, and Paul Wall at 10:35.
Check out the full schedule of set times below.
GET READY TO DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT!! SATURDAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER SEE YOU SOON pic.twitter.com/VsuZZ3mtTQ
— Lovers & Friends Festival (@lvrsnfrndsfest) May 1, 2024
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(@AronYohannes) 
SATURDAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER 
SEE YOU SOON 