Month: May 2024

One of the many reasons people love Wheel of Fortune is that it makes you feel very smart when, sitting at home without any of the pressure, you know a puzzle long before the contestants. Being on that stage makes it difficult to think as clearly as you do at home, and sometimes that yields some truly breathtaking responses to puzzles.

We got an all-timer on Thursday’s episode in a toss-up round, when one of the contestants made a guess so wild that one of his fellow contestants gasped and said “WHAT?!” when he said it out loud.

There’s so much going on in this 16-second clip, from a man confidently saying “Right In The Butt!” on network television to a puzzle where that phrase doesn’t even fit, to the lady on the end being unable to hide her disbelief, to the collective gasp from the studio audience, and Pat Sajak’s disdainful “no” in response. There’s also the face he makes after being told he was wrong.

This really does go straight into the Wheel of Fortune Hall of Fame. The reactions are all incredible, but what makes it for me is the sheer confidence with which he said it. He delivered the answer like it was just incredibly obvious, even though the first word should only have four letters, meaning right wouldn’t fit, and that’s before you get to the whole, they’d never have that be a puzzle answer on Wheel.

For those wondering, the correct answer was “This Is The Best!”

Central Cee and Lil Baby are arguably the biggest rappers in their territories right now. Repping the UK and the ATL, respectively, the two have proven track records of delivering the heat. And as they join forces, the two level up in their lives of luxury with their new collaboration, “BAND4BAND.”

Over a UK drill beat, the two boast about their lavish lifestyles. But while they don’t second guess the idea of balling out for themselves, they make sure to take care of the crew that’s been with them all the way.

“I’m not in the mood cah my flight delayed / So I jumped on a private jet and I’m askin’ the pilot the ETA / Lambo’ parked on the landin’ strip, everyone in my gang and my DJ paid,” raps Cench in the song’s opening verse.

Meanwhile, Lil Baby reminds us that even though he has elevated to superstar status now, he still hasn’t forgotten where he came from.

“I done got rich, but I’m still with the sh*t / land in London and go to the ends,” Baby raps on his verse.

In the song’s accompanying video, Baby and Cench are seen traveling across the world, flying on private jets and embarking on shopping sprees.

You can see the “BAND4BAND” video above.

Buying a home is one of the most significant decisions a person will make in life, both personally and financially. So many considerations go into choosing a home to buy, from cost to location to style to how much needs to be fixed. It can be overwhelming to take all the different variables into account, and it’s easy to overlook things that might be bigger issues than you might think when you fall in love with certain aspects of a house.

Reddit user EveryBuddyUp asked the AskReddit forum, “When buying a house, what’s something you thought was minor but has become the bane of your existence?” Homeowners took the opportunity to share their unanticipated woes, and it’s a collection of cautionary tales that might help prospective home buyers avoid pitfalls they wouldn’t have anticipated.

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Finding tradespeople to do repair jobs, especially “minor” ones

“Finding good people to do small jobs. The reputable companies don’t like to waste time on small jobs, so it’s usually pick someone off of the internet and hope they don’t make it worse or DIY.” – Guineacabra

“Finding contractors for minor repair jobs. I had a chimney leak and called 4 companies, 3 of them didn’t want the job since it was a 300-500 dollar repair, the 4th set up an appointment with me but never showed up. It took me over 4 months to find someone.” – Specialist_Salt_7916

“Tried calling every roofing company in town to fix a leaky roof vent. Half a year of buckets later I climbed up with a bunch of tar and fixed it myself.” – FindsNames

“Even the companies that advertise “no job too small” won’t do small jobs. It is so difficult to find someone decent, even if you’re willing to pay good money.” – DateCard

“This. One of my windows broke, like literally falling out of the wall. Called everyone I could think of for weeks basically begging someone to come and fix this. They’d either not get back to me or ghost the repair time. Eventually I convinced some repair company to come over to fix this one window if I agreed to some up sale thing where in addition to repairing that window they’d inspect every other window to ensure there wasn’t damage there too. I ended up agreeing because I was at my wits end and I was paying nearly just as much each month in increased heat bills.” – quilles

Cellular and internet dead zones—and not just in the middle of nowhere

“Check cell coverage and find out about the ISP.” – elSpanielo

“The town I live in has HORRIBLE cell reception. Luckily my ISP is great and has excellent service, so I just connect to the wifi. Worst part is that I don’t live in the middle of nowhere- I’m in a suburb of a massive city, so I don’t understand why the service is so shitty.” – gonorrheagoomah

“I live in a major US city. About a mile from downtown. Half my house is a dead zone…” – ZoraTheDucky

“This! We forgot to check cell coverage when we were buying our house and the entire place is a dead zone. It’s absolutely infuriating years later to have to go outside and down the driveway to get a cell signal.” – miamental

“This!!! Zero cell in our house and one WiFi won’t even cross two rooms. Our house isn’t big. It’s 130 years old and has cobblestone between some walls. Then we found out that internet was often down here when we moved in. So I pay for two different service providers for two sets of WiFi and we still don’t have complete coverage.” – Pitiful-Sprinkles933

Bamboo (and other impossible-to-get-rid-of plant species)

“Bamboo. Someone before me planted super invasive, 15 foot tall growing bamboo in the backyard. It was spreading so wildly it was uplifting the granite pool and growing under the foundation of the house. You could see the remnants of a “barrier” of sorts of where they initially planted it, obviously not knowing how bamboo grows. I myself did not know, until I purchased the house. Absolute nightmare.” – abbs_twothou

“The best way to get rid of bamboo is to move.” – im_a_mighty_pirate

“A guy once said to me that bamboo is like a cold slow fire that is alive. If you don’t keep it in check it it will destroy everything.” – Tobyghisa

“It’s worse than that – it’s impossible to keep it in check. You have to remove a completely, and I completely I mean every scrap of root. After I yanked out mine I was still digging out new sprouts for the next 6 months. Oftentimes the new plant was growing from literally an inch and a half of root that I had missed. Think of every tiny piece of root as a new seed.” – weluckyfew

“Growing up, there was a house with bamboo growing in the back yard. It took over the yard and the owner gave up. It began growing into the neighbors’ yards and down the hill behind the house. Took a professional team most of a summer to get it all.” – theothermeisnothere

Nightmare neighbors

“There’s a path behind my kitchen window that separates the garden from the house. The path runs behind all the houses on the street and everybody (residents) has access. I wouldn’t mind this but our neighbours on each side are best friends and so they stand on the path directly outside our kitchen window when they chat.” – Dabbles-In-Irony

“I bought a flat. The neighbours immediately below us smoke. A lot. All the time. They smoke so much that you can smell it when you open the kitchen cupboards under and next to the sink because the scent creeps up through the holes around the pipework. Can’t open the windows in the summer because as soon as they cough themselves awake in the morning the stench of cigarettes starts drifting up through them and fills out home. They smoke in every room, and in the bedrooms till after midnight every day. I’m an ex smoker and I’m still finding it disgusting.” – butwhatsmyname

“Are you me?? We had this same issue, but with neighbours below us smoking weed. The smell would come up through our bathroom fans, so we’d wake up with a flat smelling like skunk. We could only have our windows and screen doors opened up for short periods of time until they were out smoking again. It was the worst.” – pplluuvviiophile

“We moved in without knowing we had the neighbors from hell. They seemed nice enough at first, but it’s become a major nightmare.” – katttdizzle

Badly placed rooms and appliances

“Never buy a house where the kitchen, laundry, or living room wall is shared with the master bedroom if you are a light sleeper.” – SocialRevenge

“We live in a 100-year-old house with a huge, open basement. Our washer and dryer are in our basement. For some stupid reason, known only to them, the previous owners installed the washing machine and and dryer on opposite sides of the basement, instead of side-by-side the way normal people would have done. I bought one of those professional chrome laundry carts that the laundromats use to shuttle loads across the basement between machines. Eventually, I plan to rewire the place and relocate the dryer next to the washing machine.” – JasperDyne

“My number one disqualification when house hunting was no toilet on the same floor as the master bedroom. You do not want to climb stairs when you have to pee in the middle of the night. If you’re reading this and saying, “I don’t get up to pee most nights,” I am in my late 30s and here to warn you that you will.” – Blenderhead36

“Single bathroom. I had underestimated the amount of time my husband just SITS on the toilet.” – NoeTellusom

Window coverings cost more than you’d think

“Window treatments or curtains. The guy before me broke up with his his girlfriend. She moved out and took all the curtains out of spite. I didn’t think it was a big g deal until I priced out new ones.” – asdfg27

“So true. It’s a massive racket. Even the mail order DIY stuff is expensive now. Expect $150 per window and up – WAY up! And you rarely can take it with you to the next house – the windows will be different sized, the color scheme won’t work…” – lanky_planky

“We moved into a new house with 11 windows per floor. Even getting relatively cheap window treatments (but not aluminum blinds), we were out every bit of $2k.” – max_power1000

Swimming pools can also cost a small fortune to upkeep

“Swimming pool. So much work & money to maintain. Maybe gets used a dozen times a year.” – KungPowKitten

“I’ve done pools for 4 years and openings and closings alone are hundreds of dollars. Weekly maintenances are ~100 each.” – IrishRepoMan

“For the money you invest in an outdoor pool, you can probably join a nice country club or take a really kick ass tropical vacation every year.” – rawonionbreath

A few final bits of cautionary wisdom from the thread were to 1) Make sure you check out the neighborhood and the neighbors as thoroughly as possible, at all hours of the day and night. 2) Use your own inspector instead of the one the realtor recommends. And 3) Anything that’s unique, interesting or large in a home will require extra maintenance, so be prepared.

Happy house hunting!

Camels are not pets. Camels are not pets. At least that’s the mantra people have to say after seeing how adorable Albert the camel is with his rescuer. Maybe if you live on a farm or have a house with a bunch of acres to let a furry humpback creature roam then a camel for a pet would be no problem. But most definitely would not be a pet for the suburbs or apartment living. Try getting a camel through a doggy door.

Although, Albert doesn’t seem to need a doggy door to get in and out of the house. The young camel has been sneaking into his human dad’s house since he was just a baby. Alex, the camel’s dad rescued him from a camel dairy after Albert refused to nurse from his mom. He had to be bottle fed ten times a day when Alex first brought him home.

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One of the biggest issues was that the cheeky camel didn’t like to stay in his pen. Somehow Albert would saunter into Alex’s bedroom at night to check out what he might be doing. Now it’s a constant struggle to keep the giant animal out of the human-sized kitchen where he likes to hang out. Surely he’s not picking the kitchen due to the food inside.

The camel’s big personality can’t be contained by four walls, no. When he’s not sneaking into the kitchen for snacks, he’s pretending he’s just one of the goats. Alex has several goats on his property that he cares for and Albert thinks he’s one of them. Have you ever seen a camel climb a mountain? Neither has Albert but he’s determined to try.

Watch him give climbing a try below:

This guy just can’t seem to get enough of being part of the family. He even sleeps in the same pen with the goats, which Alex is probably thankful for since in means no more late night surprise visits from Albert. While the big little fella isn’t going to become a goat any time soon, maybe his humans will give in to his sweet face and leave him some treats on the counter.

Three after they concluded their inaugural season of Love Island: All Stars, ITV and the Love Island crew are prepared to launch another summer season of the beloved British show. Earlier this week, Love Island UK announced that the show’s 11th season will premiere at the top of June. That gives fans just a little over a week to get their things together for the new season. Details for Love Island season 11 are sparse for the moment, but we’re here to keep you updated as the news rolls out. Here’s what you need to know for season 11 of Love Island.

Release Date

Love Island season 11 begins on Monday, June 3 at 9 pm GMT/4 pm EST/1 pm PST. The new season starts a little over three months after the inaugural Love Island: All Stars season began and almost a year after Love Island season 10 launched.

Cast

The cast for Love Island season 11 has yet to be revealed, but fans can expect to learn about the new islanders within the next week before the new season airs. This is the expected timeline for the cast reveal as the islanders for Love Island: All Stars were unveiled on January, a week before the season’s January 15 premiere date.

Plot

Viewers can expect the typical Love Island drama for the show’s 11th season, which is still taking place in Mallorca. That means the chats by the fireplace, mischevious activity on the terrace, dramatic recouplings, wild dumpings, controversial grames, epic bombshells, and much, much more. The premiere episode will air simultaneously on ITV1, ITV2, and ITVX.

Additionally, according to Digital Spy, Aftersun will return with new live episodes every Sunday after the premiere with Maya Jama as the host. Sam Thompson and Indiyah Polack will join Jama for Aftersun episodes as well as Amy Hart, Chris Taylor and Jordan Stephens. Indiyah, Amy, and Chris will also host The Morning After podcast daily from Tuesday to Saturday after the season 11 premiere.

Trailer

ITV and Love Island have yet to release an official trailer for season 11 of Love Island. Viewers can expect that, just like the official cast list, to arrive within the next week.

Love Island Season 11 Episode Schedule

Starting on Monday, June 3, new episodes of Love Island will air daily all through the season’s final episode. New episodes from Sunday to Friday will update viewers on the good, bad, and ugly in the villa while Unseen Bits from the previous week will be compiled together to air on Saturday.

How To Watch Love Island Season 11

Love Island season 11 via simulcast will debut with its premiere episode on Monday, June 3 via simulcast on ITV1, ITV2, STV and ITVX. The rest of the Love Island: All Stars season will resume with new episodes six days a week on ITV2 and ITVX.

‘Love Island’ series 11 premieres on the ITV1, ITV2, and ITVX channels on June 3rd at 9pm GMT/4pm EST/1pm PST.

Mariah Carey may not have made onto Apple Music’s 100 Best Albums Of All Time list — a fact that disappointed plenty of music fans — but she’s still widely considered one of the best recording artists around. In a new clip from Audible’s Words + Music podcast, the ultra-relatable chanteuse shared one of the secrets to her wide appeal and longevity: Avoiding the sort of specificity fans often look for in pop music.

According to Rolling Stone, Carey explained, “One thing that’s something I try to do is to not really get super specific because I don’t want somebody else not to be able to take the lyrics I’ve written and have them heal themselves and have those lyrics pertain to whatever situation they’re going through.”

“Oftentimes, it might be super personal to me,” she continued. “But I leave it basic, so it can also be somebody else’s way of releasing whatever emotional feelings or whatever they’re going through.” This approach relates back to Carey’s youth, and how she engaged with the music she grew up listening to. “I’d be like, ‘That’s my song,’” she said. “Just because one little part, to me, as a teenager, I’d be like, ‘That’s exactly what I’m going through.’ I have no idea what the person who wrote those lyrics meant by that, but for me, at the time, it was all about me.”

You can check out a clip below.

Hacks‘ third season premiere highlights the awkwardness of elevator encounters between long-lost friends with a legend in the mix. Those moments are surely more awkward between celebrities who have never met, but there’s an idol present. Such was the case when (as described around the 2:30 mark above) Amy Poehler happened to find herself in an elevator with Prince when he appeared on SNL. The subject came up after Poehler exchanged some memories with Slash while visiting Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Naturally, the host wanted to know of Prince, “Was he friendly?” Via HuffPo, Poehler revealed how she dropped the conversational ball by asking a generic question to an extraordinary person dressed in purple:

“Well, I’ll never know because I really blew my chance. He came offstage during the soundcheck and walked past me, and … he just kind of gave me a little eye contact and said hello. And I said, ‘How was your summer?’ That was my question to Prince.”

Apparently, Prince did not answer? Or perhaps Poehler was blinded by how “[h]e just floated away into the elevator in a lavender haze of talent.” Oh well. These situations could always be worse, like, say, if Poehler had asked this question in the dead of winter. Actually, that’s what happened, according to HuffPo deducing that this must have occurred in February 2006. Yikes.

Upvoted, an online publication from Reddit featuring the most compelling content from their site, recently republished this “classic” piece originally posted around 2011. The beautiful piece of writing was done by a commenter in response to a poster asking for advice on grief.

The original post simply read: “My friend just died. I don’t know what to do.”

Here was Redditor GSnow‘s moving advice:

“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

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I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

Here’s the original post:

This article originally appeared on 9.21.21

I’m pretty positive that Edgar Allan Poe had (has?) the power to travel through time. Hear me out on this one.

It’s not just the well-known circumstances of his life — orphaned at a young age, father of the mystery novel, master of cryptology, maestro of the macabre. Nor am I referring to the head-scratching details of the days leading up to his death: how he was found on the street near a voting poll wearing someone else’s clothes, and during his subsequent hospitalization, he was alleged to babble incoherently about an unidentified person named “Reynolds.”

And I won’t even get into the confounding reports of a nameless figure who, for seven decades, would show up to Poe’s gravesite in the early hours of his birthday with a glass of cognac and three roses.

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Tragic and curious, yes, but hardly evidence that the acclaimed horror writer could transcend the limits of space and time. No, my time travel theory concerns the author’s creative output, which you’ll soon see is so flukishly prophetic as to make my outlandish claim seem plausible — nay, probable!

The proof is in the pudding, and the pudding is a loosely linked map of flesh-eating floaters, crunched skull survivors, and primordial particles. OK, here we go…

Exhibit A: “The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket”

Published in 1838, Poe’s only completed novel details a mutiny on a whaling ship lost at sea. Out of supplies, the men revert to cannibalism, drawing straws to elect a sacrifice. A boy named Richard Parker draws the shortest straw and is subsequently eaten.

Now here’s where it gets weird(er): In 1884, 46 years after the novel’s publication, four men would be set adrift following the sinking of their yacht. Shipwrecked and without food, they too would go the survival cannibalism route, electing to kill and eat a 17-year-old cabin boy. The boy’s name: Richard Parker.

The extraordinary parallel went unnoticed for nearly a century, until a widely-circulated letter from a descendant of the real Parker outlined the similarities between the novel’s scene and the actual event. The letter was selected for publication in The Sunday Times after journalist Arthur Koestler put out a call for tales of “striking coincidence.” Striking indeed.

Exhibit B: “The Businessman”

In 1848, a railroad worker named Phineas Gage suffered a traumatic brain injury after taking an iron spike through the skull. Somehow he survived, though his personality would change drastically. These behavioral changes were closely studied, allowing the medical community to develop the first understanding of the role played by the frontal lobe on social cognition.

Except for Poe, who’d inexplicably understood the profound personality changes caused by frontal lobe syndrome nearly a decade earlier. In 1840, he penned a characteristically gruesome story called “The Businessman” about an unnamed narrator who suffers a traumatic head injury as a young boy, leading to a life of obsessive regularity and violent, sociopathic outbursts.

Poe’s grasp of frontal lobe syndrome is so precise that neurologist Eric Altshuler wrote, “There’s a dozen symptoms and he knows every single one… There’s everything in that story, we’ve hardly learned anything more.” Altshuler, who, to reiterate, is a medically-licensed neurologist and not at all a crackpot, went on to say, “It’s so exact that it’s just weird, it’s like he had a time machine.”

Exhibit C: “Eureka”

Still unconvinced? What if I told you that Poe predicted the origins of the universe 80 years before modern science would begin to formulate the Big Bang theory? Surely, an amateur stargazer with no formal training in cosmology could not accurately describe the machinery of the universe, rejecting widely-held inaccuracies while solving a theoretical paradox that had bewildered astronomers since Kepler. Except that’s exactly what happened.

The prophetic vision came in the form of “Eureka,” a 150-page prose poem critically panned for its complexity and regarded by many as the work of a madman. Written in the final year of Poe’s life, “Eureka” describes an expanding universe that began in “one instantaneous flash” derived from a single “primordial particle.”

Poe goes on to put forth the first legitimate solution to Olbers’ paradox — the question of why, given the vast number of stars in the universe, the night sky is dark — by explaining that light from the expanding universe had not yet reached our solar system. When Edward Robert Harrison published “Darkness at Night” in 1987, he credited “Eureka” as having anticipated his findings.

In an interview with Nautilus, Italian astronomer Alberto Cappi speaks of Poe’s prescience, admitting, “It’s surprising that Poe arrived at his dynamically evolving universe because there was no observational or theoretical evidence suggesting such a possibility. No astronomer in Poe’s day could imagine a non-static universe.”

But what if Poe wasn’t of a day at all, but of all the days?

What if his written prophecies — on the cannibalistic demise of Richard Parker, the symptoms of frontal lobe syndrome, and the Big Bang theory — were merely reportage from his journey through the extratemporal continuum?

Surely I sound like a tinfoil-capped loon, but maybe, maybe, there are many more prophecies scattered throughout the author’s work, a possibility made all the more likely by the fact that, as The New York Times notes, “Poe was so undervalued for so long, there is not a lot of Poe-related material around.”

I’ll leave you with this quote, taken from a letter that Poe wrote to James Russell Lowell in 1844, in which he apologizes for his absence and slothfulness:

“I live continually in a reverie of the future. I have no faith in human perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active — not more happy — nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago. The result will never vary — and to suppose that it will, is to suppose that the foregone man has lived in vain — that the foregone time is but the rudiment of the future — that the myriads who have perished have not been upon equal footing with ourselves — nor are we with our posterity. I cannot agree to lose sight of man the individual, in man the mass… You speak of “an estimate of my life” — and, from what I have already said, you will see that I have none to give. I have been too deeply conscious of the mutability and evanescence of temporal things, to give any continuous effort to anything — to be consistent in anything. My life has been whim — impulse — passion — a longing for solitude — a scorn of all things present, in an earnest desire for the future.”

This story was originally published on HistoryBuff and first appeared on 8.16.16

Years ago, a friend went to a party, and something bothered him enough to rant to me about it later.

And it bothered me that he was so incensed about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. It seemed so petty for him to be upset, and even more so for me to be annoyed with him.

Recently, something reminded me of that scenario, and it made more sense. I’ll explain.

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The party was a house party.

One of those parties people throw if they’re renting a good-sized house in college. You know the type — loud music, Solo cups of beer, and somebody doing something drunk and stupid before the end of the night.

At some point, my friend had occasion to use the bathroom. When he went into the bathroom, he was disgusted to see that the hostess had left a basket of menstrual hygiene products on the counter for guests to use if needed.

Later, when my friend told me about it, he wrinkled his nose and said, “Why would she do that? Guys don’t want to see that!”

When I suggested that she was just making them available in case someone needed them, he insisted they could be left in the cabinet or under the counter. Out of sight, anyway.

I wish I’d had, at the time, the ability to articulate what I can now.

To me, this situation is, while relatively benign, a perfect example of male privilege.

A man walks into the bathroom and sees a reminder that people have periods. And he’s disgusted. He wants that evidence hidden away because it offends his senses. How dare the hostess so blatantly present tampons and pads where a man might see them? There’s no reason for that!

Someone who gets a period walks into the bathroom and sees that the hostess is being extra considerate. They get it. They know what it’s like to have a period start unexpectedly. The feeling of horror because they’re probably wearing something they don’t want ruined — it is a party after all. The sick embarrassment because someone might notice, especially if they’re wearing light-colored clothes, or worse, they sat on the hostess’ white couch.

The self-conscious, semi-nauseated feeling of trying to get through a social event after you’ve exhausted every avenue to get your hands on an emergency pad or tampon, and you’re just hoping to God that if you tie your jacket around your waist (you brought one, right?), keep your back to a wall, clench your butt cheeks, squeeze your thighs tightly together, and don’t … move … at … all — you might get through the evening, bow out gracefully, and find an all-night convenience store with a public restroom.

Or maybe they came to the party during their period, but didn’t bargain for the flow to suddenly get that heavy. Or they desperately need a tampon, but their purse or bag is in a room where a couple is not to be disturbed. Maybe they don’t know the hostess well enough to ask if they can use one. Or they don’t know anyone at the party well enough to ask. Or they figure they can make do with some wadded up toilet paper or something.

Whatever the case, they walk into the bathroom and hear the hostess saying, “Hey, I know what it’s like, and just in case, I’ve got your back.” They see someone saving them from what could be a minor annoyance or a major embarrassment.

The hostess gets it.

The person who just walked into the bathroom? They’re either going to see that the person throwing the party is super considerate or they’re going to be whispering “thanks to Jesus, Krishna, and whoever else is listening” because that is a basket full of social saviors.

But to the guy who wrinkled his nose, it’s still offensive that those terrible little things are on the counter, reminding his delicate sensibilities that the playground part of a person is occasionally unavailable due to a “gross” bodily function that he should never have to think about.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s a tiny thing. It’s a tiny annoyance for the man and a more significant, but relatively tiny, courtesy for the person with their period. After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have. As a person whose life is partially governed by a fickle uterus that can ruin an evening faster than a submerged iPhone, his story has stuck with me.

How can you be so offended by a small gesture that has zero effect on you, but could make such an enormous difference to the person who needs it?

It occurs to me now that this is a small but effective illustration of how different people can see the world.

It’s part of the same thought process that measures a woman’s value through her bra size and her willingness to have sex with him — that everything about us is displayed or hidden based on how men perceive them or what he wants to get from us. Unattractive women should be as covered as possible, while attractive ones shouldn’t be hiding their assets from male eyes (or hands, or anything else he wishes to use).

A woman who isn’t smiling is an affront to him because it detracts from her prettiness, despite the fact that there might be a legitimate reason for her not to smile (or more to the point, there isn’t a legitimate reason for her to smile). Her emotional state is irrelevant because she’s not being pretty. It’s the line of thinking where a man blames anything other than cheerful sexual consent on the woman being a bitch, being a lesbian, or — naturally — being on her period. Everything we do, from our facial expressions to our use of hygiene products, is filtered through the lens of “how it looks to a man.”

It’s the line of thinking where a small gesture from one person to another, an assurance that someone else understands and will help without question or judgment, a gesture that could save a person’s evening from being ruined is trumped by a man’s desire to see an untainted landscape of pretty, smiling women with visible cleavage and bodies that never bleed.

And people wonder why we still need feminism.

This story was written by L.A. Witt and originally appeared on 8.12.16