Month: June 2024

I grew up black in a very white neighborhood in a very white city in a very white state.

As such, I am a lot of people’s only black friend.

Being the only black friend is a gift and a curse. I am black and I love having friends. But I am also, at any given moment, expected to be a translator, an ambassador, a history teacher, and/or a walking, talking invitation into “I am not racist” territory. It’s a lot to handle. See what I mean about that curse?

So when I saw the animated short-film “Your Black Friend,” I felt so seen. Clearly, I am not alone.

The film, which was written, designed, and narrated by Ben Passmore and is based on his mini-comic of the same name, is a brilliant, refreshing way to examine whiteness and racism. The comic and animated short are an open-letter from “your black friend” to you, their well-meaning white friend, about bias, alienation, and what it means to be a good ally and friend.

It’s funny, honest, and heartbreaking in equal measure. And speaking from personal experience, it captures the experience of being a black friend to white people pretty much perfectly.

So if you’re a “woke” friend and ally, here are some things your black friend wants you to know.

1. You’re going to have to get uncomfortable.

It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as “benign” as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you’re going to have to speak up. You’re going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.

It’s not easy to confront strangers or people you love, but if you don’t do it, you are part of the problem. Sitting out isn’t an option. No one said being an ally is easy.

2. “Your black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn’t want to appear to be that ‘angry black man.'”

“He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins,” Passmore says.

Black people can’t always react or respond the way we want to. When I am followed in a department store, pulled over for no reason, or stared at while picking up dinner at the fancy grocery store, I can’t stop what I’m doing and yell, “YES, I AM BLACK. NO, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL YOU SMALL-MINDED, BIASED ASSHOLES.” Trust me, I want to. But especially when police are involved, I have to be calm, respectful, and obedient.

That’s where you come in. You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can’t. If you are not at risk, nor considered a threat, you have a certain amount of privilege in these situations. Use it to demand answers, speak to supervisors, or if things really get dicey, pull out your phone and hit record.

3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.

We don’t like it, but one small choice — like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box — can be the difference between life and death.

When I am in a parking garage and walking behind a white woman, I intentionally cough or walk a little louder so she turns and notices me.

Why? Because when I don’t, that same white woman will often clutch her purse and occasionally let out an audible gasp as I pass her. This is something my white friends likely don’t realize I have to do. Some of them may even be the pearl-clutchers in the parking lot.

But to maintain white comfort and to avoid having the cops called on us, we often have to tamp down clothes, modify our speech and volume, even do our hair differently. We have to have “the talk” with our kids about how the world sees them, and how act in order to make sure they come home alive.

No, it’s not fair. No, we don’t like it. But so long as this country and its institutions are built on a solid foundation of white supremacy, it’s a grim reality. You need to know that, and take it up with your fellow white people about how to dismantle it.

4. “Your black friend wishes you’d play more than Beyoncé. There are more black performers than Beyoncé.”

“Lemonade” was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to black music and black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.

And while we’re here, you can’t say the n-word when you sing along. Nope. You just can’t.

5. Speaking of which, performative blackness is really uncomfortable.

When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your “blaccent” when you’re around me or other black people, it hurts. It’s not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn’t make you seem cool.

Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don’t get to be black only when it suits us. Neither do you.

6. “Your black friend feels like a man without a country.”

Having white friends and seeming to “fit in” with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too “white” for black people, and too “black” for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, “He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it.”

7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that’s impossible.

Our concerns are urgent and real. We’re getting subpar health care. We’re disenfranchised. We’re over-policed. We’re thrown in jail. We’re killed by people sworn to protect us. It’s exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So do you.

We can’t be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.

Our white friends and allies need to step up and gather their people. Have the tough conversations. Speak up when you see racism, discrimination, and microaggressions. The time to talk about it is done. Be about it, or find yourself a new black friend.

Watch “Your Black Friend” in full and check out Passmore’s book, “Your Black Friend And Other Strangers.”

This article was written by Erin Canty and originally published on January 30, 2018.

The saying goes “not all heroes wear capes.” And indeed, our real world heroes aren’t saving lives while flying around in spandex. They’re doing it in a pair of scrubs and a medical mask.

Nurses typically work 12 hour shifts, three days a week—many even opt to do all three shifts back-to-back.

That means for 12 hours they’re drawing blood, collecting samples, taking vitals, performing exams, monitoring recovery, administering medications, not to mention the emotional toll of helping patients and families through their own stresses. It’s not for the faint of heart.

In a recent TikTok trend, nurses show what they look like before and after one of these 12-hour work shifts, and it’s undeniable the kind of toll one of these work days takes. Spoiler: it takes a lot.

No matter who is being recorded, the pattern remains the same: nurse comes in smiling and full of energy before the shift, then comes out completely exhausted. If that’s not evident by the half-closed eyes, slumping shoulders and messy ponytails, their tired, raspy voices are a dead giveaway.

@briannadestiny1108 Nursing take on this trend 😅 #nurse #nursesoftiktok #nurselife #nurses #nursehumor #ernurse #ernurselife #ernurses #ernursesbelike #ernursesbelike #nurseslife #nurseproblems #nursestiktok #thisismechallenge #thisismebeforeandafter😎 #emergencyroom ♬ original sound – Bri Lara

No amount of coffee (or “Celsius and Adderall,” as one joked) can really prevent the fatigue to come, especially for those who work a night shift. Though there were a special few who magically seemed unbothered start to finish. As one nurse noted, this could be because they were on on shift “1 of 3.” But after shift 3 of 3, they’d probably be just as listless as their peers.

Many people were left baffled at how these nurses managed to endure such long and greulling hours. One person commented, “How do nurses/ doctors do it??? I get so tired after working 8 hours at my office job.”

@jessicaavelasco Before and after our shift. #nursesoftiktok #nurselife #nursetok #nurse #enfermeria #enfermera #nursehumor ♬ original sound – Jessica Velasco

Another viewer noted “Unless you have worked 12 hours hospital RN shifts you can’t fully understand it. It changes you. Especially if your 12s are overnight.”

These long shifts have only gotten tougher since the COVID-19 pandemic, when around 100,000 registered nurses in the U.S. left the workplace due to stress, per the National Council of State Boards of Nursing.

And the industry continues to suffer a staffing crisis due to “cost-cutting decisions” and “an aging population and workforce,” according to The American Nurses Association, or ANA.

@itsjacquelinewells Before & after a 12 hr shift #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #ernursing #nightshiftnurse #nightshift #nursing #erlife #12hourshift #nursehumor ♬ original sound – Jacqueline Roa

Jennifer Mensik Kennedy, president of the ANA, said that “meaningful and lasting solutions,” like eliminating mandatory overtime and specific mental health and wellness resources, would be needed to combat any staffing shortages.

Ostensibly, nurses (like other service providers) endure these arduous shifts out of a drive to help others. But clearly, our heroes need—and deserve—help as well.

It started with a simple, sincere question from a mother of an 11-year-old boy.

An anonymous mother posted a question to Quora, a website where people can ask questions and other people can answer them. This mother wrote:

How do I tell my wonderful 11 year old son, (in a way that won’t tear him down), that the way he has started talking to me (disrespectfully) makes me not want to be around him (I’ve already told him the bad attitude is unacceptable)?

It’s a familiar scenario for those of us who have raised kids into the teen years. Our sweet, snuggly little kids turn into moody middle schoolers seemingly overnight, and sometimes we’re left reeling trying to figure out how to handle their sensitive-yet-insensitive selves.

Jo Eberhardt, a fantasy writer and mother of two from Australia, penned a reply that is so spot on that it keeps repeatedly popping up on social media. When you nail it, you nail it—and this mother nails it.

“Ah, puberty,” she wrote, “It changes our sweet, wonderful little boys into sweet, eye-rolling, angsty, accidentally disrespectful, but still wonderful young proto-men.” Yup.

Eberhardt then described a discussion she had with her 11 1/2 -year-old son when he started going through this stage—a conversation they had in the car, which is usually the best place to have potentially uncomfortable discussions with kids.

She told her son that she’d messed up in the way she’d talked to him about puberty, then explained exactly what was happening in his brain.

“I’ve spent all this time talking to you about the way puberty changes your body,” Eberhardt told her son, “and what to expect as you go through the changes, but I completely forgot to talk to you about what’s going on in your brain right now. Puberty is the time when your brain grows and changes more than at any other time in your life — well, except for when you’re a baby, perhaps. So I really let you down by not preparing you for that. I’m so sorry.“

Her son accepted her apology, then asked why is his brain was changing.

“That’s the amazing thing,” she told him. “Did you know that your brain grew and developed so quickly when you were little that by the time you were about five or six, your brain was almost as big and powerful as an adult’s brain?”

“But here’s the thing,” she continued, “Even though your brain was super powerful, the instructions were for a child’s brain. And all the information about building an adult’s brain was a bit… let’s say fuzzy. So your brain did the best it could, but it didn’t really know what kind of person you were going to be back then, or what shape brain you were going to need.”

“Now we come to puberty,” she went on. “See, puberty is amazing. Not only is your body being transformed from a child’s body to an adult’s body, your brain has to be completely rewritten from a child’s brain to an adult’s brain.”

“That sounds hard,” her son responded.

“Yeah, it is,” Eberhardt replied. “That’s why I wish I’d warned you first. See, it takes a lot of energy to completely rewrite a brain. That’s one of the reasons you get tired quicker at the moment — and that, of course, manifests in you being crankier and less patient than normal.”

Eberhardt paused, then added, “That must be really frustrating for you.”

Her son looked over at her, wiping his eyes. “It is,” he responded. Sometimes I just feel really angry and I don’t know why.”

It’s amazing what happens when we explain to kids the physiological reasons for what they’re going through.

Eberhardt continued, “The other thing is that one of the first parts of your brain that gets super-sized to be like an adult is the amygdala. That’s the part that controls your emotions and your survival instincts. You know how we’ve talked about fight/flight/freeze before, and how sometimes our brains think that being asked to speak in public is the same level of threat as being attacked by a sabre tooth tiger?”

Her son laughed. “Yes. So you have to tell your brain that there’s no sabre tooth tiger to help you calm down.”

“That’s right,” Eberhardt replied. “Well, that’s what the amygdala looks after: sabre tooth tiger warnings and big emotions. So, the thing with puberty is that all of a sudden you’ve got an adult-sized amygdala hitting all your emotion buttons and your sabre-tooth tiger buttons. That must be really hard for you to manage.”

Her son nodded and said, “Sometimes I don’t know why I say the things I do. They just come out, and then I feel bad.”

This is the moment where what a parent says can make or break a kid’s spirit. But Eberhardt handled it with empathy and expertise.

“I know, Sweetheart,” she said before explaining:

“See, the last part of your brain that gets rewritten is right at the front of your head. It’s called the frontal cortex. And that’s the part of your brain that’s good at decision making and understanding consequences. So you’ve got this powerful adult amygdala hitting you with massive emotions, but you’ve still got a fuzzy child frontal cortex that can’t make decisions or understand consequences as quickly as the amygdala wants you to. It pretty much sucks.”

“So it’s not my fault?” her son asked.

“No, it’s puberty’s fault your brain works the way it does,” Eberhardt answered. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility to recognise what’s going on and change your actions. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible, either. Your feelings are your feelings, and they’re always okay. But you get to choose your actions. You get to choose what you do with your feelings. And, when you make a mistake, you get to choose to apologise for that mistake and make amends.”

Eberhardt said she then paused for dramatic effect. “That’s how you prove that you’re becoming an adult.”

It’s also remarkable what happens when we empathize and communicate with our kids instead of simply chastising them.

Her son responded with a perfectly understandable and relatable, “Puberty sucks.”

“Puberty absolutely sucks,” Eberhardt responded. “I’m not in your head, but I can only imagine that it’s a mess of confusion and chaos, and you don’t know from one minute to the next how you feel about things.”

Her son looked at her in surprise. “Yes! Exactly!”

“If it’s confusing for you living inside there,” Eberhardt continued, “imagine how confusing it is for me, when I only see your actions.”

“That must be really confusing,” her son agreed.

She nodded. “Do you know what that means?”

“What?”

“It means sometimes I’m going to make mistakes. Sometimes I’m going to get upset at things you do because I don’t understand what’s going on in your head. Sometimes I’m going to forget that you’re halfway to being a man, and accidentally treat you like a child. Sometimes I’m going to expect more from you than you’re able to give. This is my first time parenting someone through puberty, and I’m going to make mistakes. So can I ask you a favour?”

“What is it?”

“Can you just keep telling me what’s going on in your head? The more we talk, the easier it will be for both of us to get through this puberty thing unscathed. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” her son said.

When we let our kids know that we’re going through these various phases together, it’s easier to work with them instead of against them.

Eberhardt said they “had a cuddle” before they got out of the car. She also said this conversation didn’t magically make her son always speak respectfully or make her remember that he’s not a little boy anymore. However, it did open up lines of communication and gave them a shared language to use.

For example, she wrote, “He knows what I mean when I say, ‘Sweetheart, I’m not a sabre tooth tiger.'”

Ebehardt wrapped up her excellent answer by saying that she and her son are “muddling through this crazy puberty thing” together, and that she’s “completely confident that he’ll come out the other end a sweet, wonderful young man.”

It’s always so helpful to see examples of good parenting in action. Ms. Eberhardt’s response is something all parents can tuck away for the appropriate time. It’s also a great reminder that our tweens aren’t trying to try us—they’re just trying to get used to their new and improved brains.

This story originally appeared on 1.05.19

There are many different theories about friends and money. Some say they shouldn’t mix. Others give freely to their friends without the expectation of being paid back. A lot of this depends on your financial situation and who you choose as friends.

A recent story posted to Reddit poses an interesting debate on friendship, boundaries and the almighty dollar. It begs the question: Do we owe our friends financial assistance?

A user named Stupidinlovelesigh asked the AITH forum if she was in the wrong for being “deeply hurt” that she asked her wealthy friend for $5 and was turned down. A big reason she’s so upset is that when her friend needed help years ago, she was there for her and asked for nothing in return.

“My best friend and I have been friends for nearly 7 years. When we first met, she was struggling financially and lived paycheck to paycheck,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “At one point, her car broke down and she had no transportation to work, so I would let her borrow my car and never asked her for gas money or anything in return. At the time, I was financially secure and was happy to help her out.”

Over time, their financial situations reversed. Stupidinlovelesigh was living paycheck to paycheck, and her friend, who married a millionaire, was flush with cash. In this new dynamic, Stupidinlovelesigh occasionally borrowed small amounts of money from her friend, no more than $25 and always paid her back.

However, things changed again.

“The last couple of times I asked to borrow money, she said she didn’t have it, which I found odd,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. “But then I asked to borrow $5, and she said the same thing, and I thought it was odd that she told me she didn’t have $5 to spare.”

The friend told her she had lent money to her brothers and other friends who didn’t pay her back, so she stopped lending money to people. “I replied and said that it was not fair for her to lump me in with her brothers as I have never done anything to take advantage of her,” Stupidinlovelesigh wrote. She also reminded her friend that they had a long history, and she was once the person asking for help.

“I am deeply hurt that she feels I was in the wrong, but I do not think I was the a**hole here. I understand that I am not entitled to anyone’s money, borrowed or not, but when she was in my shoes, I did everything I could to help her out. I could understand if I had asked to borrow a large amount of money, but I literally asked for $5,” Stupidinlovelesigh concluded her post.

The commenters were divided over who was wrong in this situation.

Some thought Stupidinlovelesigh was right to be hurt.

“The girl was driving around in her damn car for goodness sakes. I’d be hurt too if my friend, who I helped support through a very difficult time, started treating me like a beggar,” RandomDerpBot wrote. “I would 100% understand her boundary if you would take advantage of her in some way before. But you didn’t. I honestly hope I never get rich enough to be this stingy with the people I love. At least if this is truly causing a problem in her relationship she could tell you why,” No_Inspection_2977 added.

Many thought the friend was correct for establishing healthy boundaries between her friends, family and money.

“People are losing perspective because of the friend’s ridiculously secure financial situation. But [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn’t asking for a favor in an exceptional situation. She’s using the friend as a crutch on a regular basis. Then they have the audacity to try and shame the friend for getting tired of the situation and trying to distance from it. [Stupidinlovelesigh] isn’t entitled to the friend’s money and certainly doesn’t have the right to try and emotionally manipulate them for it,” PanserDragoon wrote.

“This isn’t over $5, though. This is over [Stupidinlovelesigh] frequently asking her friend for money. It doesn’t matter if [Stupidinlovelesigh] always pays her back. It’s that no one wants to be used for money. And the friend already has a bad taste in her mouth due to her brothers, so everyone is paying the consequences by the money well running dry to any and everyone,” Nina_Rae_____ added.

The story is an interesting study of how, when our lives change, it’s hard for our relationships to stay the same. For these two women, it seems that as their financial situations changed, they had a much harder time finding common ground. In situations like this, friends will either go their separate ways or work it out and have a stronger relationship. Let’s hope they can come to an agreement and focus on what really matters most: love and support rather than finances.

Cats have a reputation for being aloof and standoffish, like they’re better than everyone and simply can’t be bothered. Those of us who have cats know they’re not always like that … but yes, they’re sometimes like that. They can be sweet and affectionate, but they want affection on their terms, they want to eat and play and sleep on their own clock, and we puny, inferior humans have little say in the matter.

There’s a reason why we have obedience schools for dogs and not for cats. Maine coon or Bengal, Savannah or Siamese, ragdoll or sphynx, domestic cats of all breeds are largely untrainable little punks who lure us into loving them by blessing us with the honor of stroking their fur and hearing them purr.

But perhaps we assume too much when we think cats are full of themselves for no good reason. Maybe they are actually somewhat justified in their snootiness. Maybe they really, truly are superior to pretty much every other creature on Earth and that’s why they act like it.

(Cats, if they could talk, would be nodding and prodding us along at this point: “Yes, yes, you’re so close. Just a little further now, keep going.”)

Think about it. They’re beautiful and graceful, but also quick and powerful. They groom constantly so they’re almost always clean and their fur even smells good. They can fall from ridiculous heights, land on their feet and walk away unscathed. They’re wicked good ambush hunters. They can walk completely silently, like ninjas, then pull out the razor blades on their feet at will and do serious damage in an instant.

All of that makes them impressive specimens, but ironically it’s their total hubris that makes them truly superior. When they feel like it (because cats only do things they feel like doing) they will take on anyone and anything. Big, small, dangerous, fierce—doesn’t matter. That unbridled confidence—earned or not—combined with their physique and skill makes them the badasses of the animal world.

Want proof? Here ya go:

u201cI love cats, they are very brave and there is a challenge in their nature! u2764ufe0fud83dude02ud83dude02nnu201d

— Figen (@Figen)
1660655908

The lightning-fast smackdown is really the cat’s weapon of choice, isn’t it? They’re so fast with the swipe-slap, it takes their victims by surprise. “Aww, you’re so cute and cuddly, look at y—OUCH!” And then the way they just stand there and stare with their big eyes and their ears back. It’s unnerving. Throw in a little hiss or yowl, and no thank you.

If that video wasn’t enough to convince you, here’s another.

The snakes, man. I can’t get over the snakes.

Cats really are better than us and every other living thing, basically. And even if they aren’t, they believe they are, which counts just as much. They’re either the ultimate creatures or the ultimate conmen. Either way, you just don’t mess with them.

This article originally appeared on 08.17.22

Every parent, at some point, has to explain to their kids that some words are only to be used in specific situations, among certain company, under just the right circumstances. Since young kids don’t have their powers of discernment honed yet, it’s often easier to simply tell kids not to use certain words, like the mother of all profanities, the f-bomb.

Eventually, those kids will learn that adults don’t always have their sense of discernment honed either, and that swearing is often done haphazardly and without a lot of conscious thought. Perhaps that’s how the f-word ended up with so many meanings and usages, a reality hilariously brought to light in a “Father-Daughter Swearing Lesson” skit from The New Yorker.

“Dad, what does ‘f**k’ mean?” a young girl innocently asks her father while coloring at the kitchen table. His initial stumbling reaction is all too familiar, but as he gets rolling with an explanation, the scene gets funnier and funnier.

(There are multiple f-bombs dropped throughout, so consider this a **language warning.**)

It’s really hard as a parent to give age-appropriate answers to questions that don’t really have age-appropriate answers, and when you get stuck in that kind of lesson, it’s difficult to know when you’ve carried it too far or not far enough. Chris Gethard captured that tension perfectly, flipping back and forth between responsible parent concerned about his daughter’s innocence and basic dude with an appreciation for the f-word.

Both actors nailed their roles in this video. The way the dad discovers his own appreciation for the multi-purpose uses of the f-word as he’s explaining its various iterations is just as funny as his daughter’s facial expressions throughout the video. (Give that girl an Oscar, stat.)

People in the comments agreed that both performances were excellently delivered.

“Brilliantly acted. This begets a series – of flexible ‘bad words.'”

“The daughter’s face was priceless. Great short!”

“‘Do you know about the cognates? The cognates are amazing.’ Brilliant.”

“Absolutely brilliant. This should be in every film festival.”

People also appreciated the actual explanation of the f-word given by the dad in the skit.

“Great explanation. What struck me is that I grew up in a time in which fathers and daughters could never have had this conversation. What a difference such trust and honesty would have made!”

“Wish my dad had given this answer when I asked in 3rd grade!”

“I once had a similar conversation with someone whose first language is not English. It was quite entertaining and I remember it fondly.”

“Brilliant. Perfect in every word and gesture I’d like to study the entire English language with these two.”

The best part has to be the ending, though. After all of those explanations of how the f-word is used in various contexts, the ultimate parent line—”never, ever say it”—is just classic. And then the permission to use it one more time, and then one more time after that. It’s all so very accurate to how parenting conversations so often go. No one tells you how to handle these kinds of questions, so parents fly by the seat of their pants, always with delightfully unpredictable results.

Imagine your 12-year-old son is helping take part in his school’s Valentine’s Day fundraiser. You’d probably be proud and encouraged at the way he’s getting involved and doing something good, right?

Now imagine, as part of that effort, he decided to email the CEO of Costco, one of the most beloved big box retailers in the world. Well, that’s cute, right? But what if he told you the CEO not only wrote back but went out of his way to donate exactly what your son asked for?

It may sound too good to be true, but that’s exactly what happened when Grant Cerwin sent an email to Costco CEO Craig Jelinek. The sixth grader emailed Jelinek asking if he would donate one of Costco’s famous 93-inch teddy bears to his middle school’s fundraiser in Los Angeles:

“Hi Mr. Jelinek,

My name is Grant Cerwin and I am 12 years old. I go to [removed] Middle School and am the 6th grade class rep. We want to raffle one of your giant bears as a Valentine’s Day fundraiser for our school. We are part of the Los Angeles Unified School District. Is there any chance Costco might donate one? My dad has a truck and we could come get it at the store. I would make sure everyone knew you gave it to us in our school newsletter, on social media and with a big sign by the bear. I know it is a long shot but I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. We are also seeing how we might get enough money to buy one. Thanks for considering. Your friend, Grant.”

Well, it turns out the long shot was perfectly timed.

Jelinek not only saw the email but jumped into action, asking his colleague “Can we find him a teddy?” Then his lieutenant emailed their colleagues to quickly find a bear for Cerwin’s school, writing: “Do whatever it takes to find a Big Bear and set up pick up for Lesley. Keep me posted.”

Grant then received the following message from Costco:

“Good morning Grant. I am the Toy Supervisor at our Costco’s LA Regional office. I have good news, Costco will be donating a 93” Plush Bear to your school to use in your Valentine’s Day fundraiser! We could have it delivered to the school directly so your parents don’t have to worry about transporting it.”

With time to spare, the Big Bear was delivered to Grant and his school was able to include it in their fundraiser. And while moments like this don’t happen every day, they are a great reminder that even the biggest companies are run by real people and those people often have big hearts. Big, as in 93” plush bear big.

And let’s be honest, we’re not entirely shocked that this happened at Costco, a company that has built a well-earned reputation for treating both its customers and its employees with dignity and respect.

“It speaks volumes about the leadership at Costco that Grant got the response he did,” Grant’s mother Lesley Cerwin told Upworthy. “He is a boundlessly optimistic child and as a parent you worry the world will chip away at that positivity. I’m grateful that the team at Costco reaffirmed my son’s belief that the world is full of good people.”

“I couldn’t believe that they responded so fast and that so many people helped,” Grant told Upworthy. “They didn’t want anything, just to help our school.”

Something as seemingly simple as a donated teddy bear might not sound like much, but it’s examples like this that show the power of bridge-building between companies and communities.

An act of kindness in itself can go a long way. And when that is coupled with the impact it had not only on Grant and his mom, but on Grant’s classmates, you can start to see a real impact that all started with a single email.

“My teachers and friends at school are excited,” Grant said. “We all can’t believe how big it is. It takes a bunch of us to move it around. Our ASB class is working on a thank you card.”

Plus, let’s be honest, a personal touch from someone as high-profile as Craig Jelinek and his team isn’t a bad way to build customer loyalty either. As Lesley told us, “I’ve always liked Costco. Will I be even happier to shop there now? You bet. It is a great store and now I am acutely aware that it is run by amazing people.”

This article originally appeared on 2.16.23

Although it is difficult to tell if there is a trend of Americans moving out of the country, rough estimates show that around 8 million currently live in other countries—double the 4.1 million living abroad in 1999.

The most popular countries for Americans to move to are Mexico, Canada and the United Kingdom, in that order.

A big reason why some are leaving the U.S. is that an increasing number of employers allow people to work abroad. Others are choosing to leave because of cost of living increases and “golden visa” programs. Golden visas offer the chance to get a foreign residency permit by purchasing a house or making a significant investment or donation.

A couple is going viral on TikTok because they’ve decided to leave America and move to Spain. Luna Ashley Santel had wanted to move for a long time, but her husband wasn’t on board with the change until he had a lightbulb moment while visiting a Spanish café. The couple are parents of a 4-year-old daughter, and a big reason for their decision to leave is her safety.

@lunagoestospain

Here’s what shifted for him. I’m sure this’ll piss the right people off. No pun intended. #movingabroad #spaindigitalnomadvisa #movingabroadwithpets #movingtospainwithkids

While spending time in Spain, the couple went to a crowded café, which would have made them uncomfortable back home in St. Louis, Missouri.

“There’s a ton of people walking around. Being from St. Louis, that’s not a very comfortable place for me to be in,” the husband said. “And you turn to me and say, ‘Have you seen all these people?’” he recounted his wife saying.

“And you’re like, ‘None of them have guns,’” he continued.

At this moment, he realized that living in America caused him to be on alert whenever he was out in public. A feeling he never got in Spain. “And I realized this weight that I had been carrying around my whole life wasn’t necessary. Like what we think is normal is not normal,” he said.

When it comes to firearm policy, Spain and Missouri couldn’t be more different. In Spain, owning a handgun for self-defense is allowed when you are in verifiable danger. In Missouri, there is no permit requirement to carry a firearm, whether it’s concealed or carried openly.

In Spain, the gun death rate per 100,000 people in 2019 was 0.64. Whereas, in Missouri, the chance of being killed by a gun is more than 36 times greater, with 23.2 people per every 100,000 dying by gun in 2021.

The video resonated with many Americans who feel uncomfortable living in a country that has become accustomed to mass shootings.

“There’s so much mental energy we dedicate to simply existing in the U.S.,” Mintmage wrote.

“As a father of two young boys, your husband’s explanation has me shook because I cannot disagree,” Astrolo-G added.

“That is literally my main motivator for leaving the country. I am terrified for my son,” Doula Faye wrote.

Luna’s husband isn’t the only one in the family concerned about school safety in the U.S. Luna, a former teacher of 7 years, believes that sending her daughter to a school where they have “terrifying” intruder drills is unacceptable.

“It’s nothing that I want my 5-year-old child to have to accept or learn as normal,” she says in another TikTok post.

@lunagoestospain

Replying to @CholeraMeBadd a huge reason we are getting out. #gettingoutoftheusa #movingabroad #alicedrill #alicedrills #iquitteaching #ididntsignupforthishit #movingtospainwithkids

This article originally appeared on 7.14.23

Studies show that in opposite-sex couples, fewer younger women are choosing to take their husbands’ last names. According to Pew Research, 20% of women ages 18 to 49 say they kept their last name, compared with 9% of those ages 50 and older.

A TikTok user named Angie proposed a new approach to married names in a world where men and women are becoming more equal. She suggests that couples choose the “cooler” name.

A user named Kristen responded with a unique dilemma. She’s getting married next year and although her husband’s name is cooler, it doesn’t work with her first name.

@kdent27

#stitch with @angie or is it 10x cooler??

“So, I’m getting married next year, and my current last name is Dent,” Kristen says in the video with over 6 million views. “Which I think is a fine last name. Like, no complaints. My fiancé’s last name is McCuistion, which I think is cooler than Dent. The problem is my first name is Kristen, so I will be Kristen McCuistion. And I don’t think that’s quite as cool.”

It’s hard to say Kristen McCuistion without smiling, but it makes you sound slightly like Elmer Fudd when you say it. “It’s witawally fine,” MissLaurenTaylor jokes in the comments. “I think you just go by Kwisten,” Goldendoodlehater added.

Some people thought the name was amazing.

“Please PLEASE go by Kristen McQuisten. It will bring me so much joy to know that name exists somewhere out in the world,” Lady Katherine wrote.

Ultimately, Kristen says she wants to embrace her unique luck in the marriage lottery because the name brings a smile to people’s faces. “Our families have always had fun with my future name, so I always just accepted taking his last name,” Kristen told Newsweek. “I used to worry about having to introduce myself to people and being laughed at, but now I see it as a good icebreaker and laugh for new people that I meet.”

Being a mom is often a thankless job but it’s also one that feels nearly impossible to do while still maintaining balance in other aspects of life. This is especially true for moms that also work outside the home.

They’re somehow fitting in 40+ hours a week at an 8 to 5 while also keeping up with appointments, activities, special events, groceries and housekeeping. Then there’s the matter of fitting in time with your partner if you have one while also finding time for your friends and yourself.

There just simply don’t seem to be enough hours in the day for working moms to do all that is expected of them. But many working moms grew up with working moms who somehow seemed to have this work-life balance thing all figured out. One mom took to the internet to demand to know the secret that moms from the 80s and 90s are keeping around this common struggle.

The mom uploaded a video to her account, FamPhiji to express her confusion on how her own mother was able to do everything while never appearing stressed.

“Am I the only mom that’s actually confused at how her own mom was able to do this? How are you able to wake up, get yourself dressed, get me ready, take me to daycare or school, go to work, work a full shift,” Phiji asks. “Get off, pick me up, take me home, make sure I was fed, make sure I was bathed, put me to bed, wake up and do it all again?”

Other moms shared Phiji’s confusion on how their working moms were able to keep up with everything while maintaining their sanity.

“They had a different batch of 24 hours,” one woman claims.

“They had real coke in their coke, energy drinks [keep] me standing,” another mom jokes.

“Air quality was different,” someone says.

@_phiji

I’m tired. #momtok #momsoftiktok #toddlermom #toddlertok #millenialmom #momlife #momstruggles #fyp

Others were more serious with their answers as they lamented about what moms in the 80s and 90s went through.

“Honey, it took me til adulthood to realize my mom was depressed,” a commenter reveals.

“I don’t think they had time for themselves. I think they just kept moving and never even stopped to think about how exhausted and miserable they were,” someone assumes.

A mom from that older generation chimed in to confirm the suspicion of others, “there was no balance. We just kept moving cause we knew what had to be done,” she reveals.

So maybe it wasn’t magic or a super secret extra set of hours. Maybe it was the more likely scenario where they absolutely were overwhelmed and exhausted but we didn’t notice because we were children.

One day our own children will be asking how we made it all work and that’s your time to tell them the truth–balance is a lie. It takes equal partnership to make a household run smoothly and something will always get put down. It’s up to you to prioritize what you need to hold, what you can delegate, and what you can set aside for another day.

This article originally appeared on 1.12.24