A good therapist has the magical ability to take our messiest problems and break them down in a way that makes sense. They have an incredible way of showing us our struggles from a fresh perspective and quite often, the answers were right in front of our faces the whole time. We just needed their help to nudge us in the right direction.
For some, a therapist’s simple, sage wisdom can change their lives with just one poignant realization.
Recently, a Redditor named BuildingBridges23 asked people on the subforum to share the priceless bits of wisdom that changed their lives and over 5,300 people responded. The pithy but powerful observations they shared were helpful to many people and more than one called the thread “free therapy.”
Here are 19 of the best responses to the question: “What’s something your therapist said that was life-changing?”
1. You can’t fix sick
“You’re going to put yourself in an early grave trying to make your mother happy. Your mother is sick, trying to make her happy is like trying to fill a bucket that has no bottom, its not going to happen unless she fixes the bucket. You can’t fix it for her.” — ModerateDude9
2. Other people’s feelings
“I asked him, ‘How do you process all of the negative feelings that are projected at you?’ and he said “They aren’t my feelings.'” — Wirestyle22
3. Coping with death
“‘The way your parents died will never be the most interesting thing about you. It’s not even the most interesting thing about THEM.’ My parents died by suicide together and I was worried that it was going to consume me as an individual. I didnt want their deaths or my grief to become my entire identity.” — Crazyofo
4. Being brave
“When I broke down because I was so fed up with being scared and anxious all the time, he said something like. ‘You can’t be brave without being scared first.’ It always stuck with me that fear, no matter how overwhelming, won’t last forever and I try to see it as a chance for me to prove to myself I can fight back and try to get through this.” — AnxiousAxolotyl88
5. Change
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.” — SpicyEmmaa
6. Dealing with mental illness
“Just because the mentally ill person screaming at you lives in your home instead of on the streets doesn’t mean their opinion is any more true.” — UnorignalUse
7. People are like colanders
“Some people are like a colander. It doesn’t matter how much time, love and support you pour into them, it will never fill them up enough to make a difference.” — Competitive-Watch188
8. Boundaries
“The only people in your life who will be angry because you established boundaries were the people who benefitted from you not having them in the first place.” — Imagine_magic
9. Other people’s anxiety
“‘Be the mirror, not the sponge.’ Don’t absorb other people’s stress and anxiety, show it back to them gently. Changed my life.” — CariocaInLA
10. Sensitive people
“That being a ‘highly sensitive person’ is just how I’m built. It’s not something that’s wrong with me or something that I necessarily have to change. I just have to accept it, to learn my boundaries and needs and live accordingly.” — stuttering-mime-ta2
11. For people-pleasers
“‘You don’t need to please everyone all of the time. People who love you will not leave you because you disagree with them or do something they don’t like.’ She nailed a lot of my behaviours back to the fact my biological dad left when I was 9 months old. I cannot cope with perceived abandonment, and will do everything in my power to keep people happy… because they might leave me.” — RhiR2020
12. It’s not about you
“‘You aren’t that interesting.’ I would have panic attacks and paranoia that people were out to get me (PTSD, etc) and would think that people were judging me in grocery stores because my toddler was crying or that my hair was messy. And honestly it boiled down to…nobody cares. We’re all trying to survive and get through the day and what someone looks like or does, we observe and move on.” — jac_kayyy
13. Judgement
“We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions.” — Horny_Rapunzel
14. It’s simple
“‘The answer is simple. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it’s simple.’ I was doing what I always do in difficult, scary situations that I don’t want to deal with head-on; I was overthinking and over-complicating what I needed to do to be happy again. The answer was actually quite simple: I needed to tell my (now ex-husband) that I wanted a divorce.” — RovenshereExpress
15. Realize your unhappiness
“At the third session with our couples counselor, my wife and I had a brief ten-minute private session with our therapist. During my session, the therapist said, ‘You need to accept the possibility of a divorce. You are trying to do the right thing and be supportive, but you can’t do that alone. Your wife is taking advantage of you. You can’t see how unhappy you are. That will change within a year after your divorce.’ Yup. She was right. My wife and I agreed to divorce during the 4th session. I am finally happy, and love my life.” — BlueCollarBeagle
16. Hurt
“Just because you were hurt when you were younger, doesn’t mean randoms have the right to hurt you now.” — Paeliens
17. See-saw relationship
“A relationship is like a see-saw. If the other person doesn’t want to participate, you can keep going, but you’ll get really tired.” — SendInYourSkeleton
18. Panic
“Not my therapist, but a friend told me hers said this: ‘You do not have enough information to panic about that yet.’ Whenever I catch myself spiraling about the unknown, I try to remember that.” — Bananaphone1549
19. Heart attacks
“It wasn’t my therapist, it was my doctor, but it was life-changing. I had been 300+ pounds all of my adult life and I was in for a physical and he said to me: ‘You know, the first symptom of a heart attack is a heart attack.’ It was what caused me to change my life at age 54 and lose 110 pounds in 16 months and I became a runner. I have run a race in all 50 states, 26 Halifax marathons and 2 full marathons, Chicago and Boston. That one thing he said to me kicked off my decision for better health! That was 15 years ago.” — BlueJasper27