Yes, we’ve come a long way regarding gender equality. But if there’s any proof that we’ve still got a long way to go, look no further than the attitudes many still have when it comes to parenting roles.
Many still consider a father as “helping out” with a mom’s inherent responsibility when he participates in taking care of children, rather than simply being an equally contributing partner. And if mom is not working, the nuclear family ideal is even more persistent…as it is assumed she is the sole caretaker of the kids with no job to distract her.
All this can make the already difficult early chapters of parenthood next to impossible…and certainly not as enjoyable as they could be for moms who find themselves both partner-less and village-less.
Neil Shyminsky, a college professor and new dad, recently delved into this issue when he explained why he still participates in nighttime feedings—even though he works a full time job and his wife is on parental leave.
Shyminsky’s video was actually a response to another video made by labor equality advocate Paige Turner, who shared that someone called her “crazy” and “selfish” for suggesting a working dad should still wake up early with a new baby to give his wife an occasional break.
@professorneil #stitch with @Paige We’re all working, we’re all tired, and we all have to work in the morning, too #parenting #work #labor ♬ original sound – Professor Neil
“So it’s currently 2 a.m. and I’m awake with this little one,” he says in the clip, explaining that he’ll be “on call for another two hours or so” until he switches with his wife, who is currently on parental leave.
As Shyminsky sees it, both parents are still currently working full-time, which makes his participating in overnight activities a no brainer.
“I might have to work a full day on four hours of really awful sleep, but I mean, what’s the alternative? That she has to work a full day on none?” he asks.
As he eloquently puts it: “Parenting’s work, parenting’s labor. Stay-at-home parents work. I have no idea why we are still having this argument. Yeah, I can’t figure it out there.”
So many viewers wrote in to praise Shyminsky’s rational take.
“It is exhausting to be the only parent to wake up at night.”
“I never understood the work argument. I still have to stay awake all day to take care of the baby and other kids. I need sleep.”
“Everything you said, and also the way to bond with a baby is by caring for it. That bond is worth some lost sleep.”
Others shared how they incorporated similar strategies.
One person wrote, “My husband and I had a great plan: I would go to bed around 8:00 and he would wake me up to switch around 1:00 or 2:00. We each got 5-6 hours each night. It worked for us!”
Another added, “Yeah we definitely did full night shifts. I’d take one night and husband would take the next. Lifesaver knowing you’d get a night of sleep every other night.”
Shyminsky also told Upworthy that this in no way is considered “helping” his wife, as that implies all things parenting are technically her responsibility and that he’s “assisting” her.
“When I’m not at my job, parenting is a shared and equal responsibility. So I’m not helping with the parenting, I’m sharing in it,” he said.
So true. Parenting is a full-time job…one without pay, and one that you can’t really clock in and out of. It’s downright unrealistic to expect mothers to take it all on by themselves.