When people have children there is all sorts of unsolicited advice and comments that seems to just spring out of people’s mouths. In most cases the people making the remarks are attempting to be helpful, but that doesn’t mean that it actually is helpful. Sometimes what is meant to be a kind word comes out sounding more hurtful than helpful.
Jimmy Knowles recently uploaded a skit that humorously highlights some of the unsupportive things people say to moms. The man plays all the parts in the skit, alternating between different moms and their “helpful” commenters. The video opens up with a mom sounding overwhelmed about how hard some of the days are with the kids. Immediately someone rebuts, “just remember, you chose this when you had them.”
Not helpful. It seems that sometimes people forget that moms are also humans who have bad days and a full range of emotions. But the next person who popped up to give out a little commentary wasn’t much better. Each advisor seems to be worse than the last.
Moms were completely on board with the message in Knowles’ video. Many shared their own experiences while others shared more helpful things people could say that are actually supportive.
“I’ve never heard someone say ‘you can’t complain about your work, you accepted their offer. Be grateful.’ Parenting is the only place this is the norm and it’s so delusional,” one person writes.
“I am the middle of 5 sisters. I’m all about supporting moms. Helpful things to say: – I’ll take the kids to the bookstore for a couple hours. – When can I come help out with housework? – I made dinner. 350 for 30 minutes. Salad isn’t dressed. – I’ve got 3 hours and I’m all yours. What can I do? Kitchen cleanup? Walk the dog? Bathroom duty? Feed the kids lunch while you go for a walk? Help!! Do something. Words are cheap. Actions are love,” someone shares.
“Here’s a great response- You work so hard honey. Thank you. Or from mom- you are such a good mom. I know it can be hard. How about you bring them over here and go have a date night or a quiet night at home,” another says.
“We. Just. Need. Validation. Y’all,” someone declares.
People aren’t asking for much, just actual help either when they’re feeling overwhelmed or before they reach the point of overwhelm. Validation and simply listening empathetically can go a long way.