It’s election season, and while the last presidential debate didn’t exactly inspire confidence, Sexyy Red threw her hat in the ring with her 2024 BET Awards performance.
Sexyy kicked things off with with “U My Everything” before a hard pivot into a massive White House-themed set, to shift into “Get It Sexyy,” complete with Secret Service-looking backing dancers. The performance ended, as all good ones should, with Sexyy twerking in front of the White House.
Sexyy is one of the night’s leading nominees, with five total nods. Her, Drake, and SZA’s “Rich Baby Daddy” is up for Best Collaboration; she’s up for Best Female Hip-Hop Artist and Best New Artist; and “Rich Baby Daddy” is also up for Video Of The Year and the Viewer’s Choice Award.
Check out clips of the performance above and find the full list of 2024 BET Awards nominees and winners here.
Fresh off announcing her song for the Disney+ Star Wars series, The Acolyte, “Power Of Two,” and dropping her Kaytranada-produced single “Alright,” Victoria Monét hit the stage at the 2024 BET Awards to perform that song, along with her breakout hit, “On My Mama.” Beginning with the latter and hitting the stage in a sporty, Y2K-era outfit, Monét paid homage to Michael Jackson, donning his iconic “Smooth Criminal” suit, then stripped down to perform “Alright” with some help from Kaytranada, ending the set with a striking, Flashdance-inspired pose, backed by a simulated waterfall. The performance was the star’s first for the BET Awards, but judging by the warm reception it received, it won’t be her last.
Although Victoria has had a fantastic year so far, it hasn’t all been good news. In May, the star said she was “gutted” to announce the cancelations of several of her upcoming festival appearances for health reasons. “Candidly I have been dealing with some ongoing health issues that have to be addressed right now, but I will be back out there soon, that’s a promise!” she wrote on her social channels. Please know it wasn’t an easy call but it’s definitely for the best. All other shows are still moving forward as planned. See you soon.”
Chris Paul became a free agent at the last minute on Sunday, as the Golden State Warriors waived his $30 million non-guaranteed contract with 15 minutes left before the start of free agency. The Warriors had been looking for a trade, with Paul apparently part of their efforts to land Paul George in a trade earlier in the week, but failed to find a suitable deal and opted to just move his money off of the books (reportedly turning down an offer for Zach LaVine).
Paul hit the market as an intriguing veteran point guard option for a number of teams looking to bolster their guard rotation, and while there had been rumblings for awhile that the Spurs would be in the mix, no one was quite sure whether Paul would want to join a team not quite ready to contend. We found out on Sunday evening that playing with Victor Wembanyama is, indeed, enough of a draw to lure a veteran like Paul to the Spurs, as Chris Haynes and Kendra Andrews reported the future Hall of Famer would join the Spurs backcourt next year.
Per Woj, Paul will get $11 million for the year in San Antonio, as it appears there weren’t contenders willing to part with the full mid-level for him so he opts to join the young Spurs.
Free agent guard Chris Paul has agreed on a one-year, $11 million-plus deal with the San Antonio Spurs, sources tell ESPN.
Paul averaged 9.2 points and 6.8 assists in 58 appearances for the Warriors last year, shooting 44.1 percent from the field and 37.1 percent from three. He will provide a much-needed veteran presence in the Spurs locker room, and provide Victor Wembanyama with a masterful pick-and-roll partner on the court.
Megan Thee Stallion is delivering the heat on and off the microphone. With the “Down Stairs DJ” rapper’s latest album, Megan, out on streaming platforms, fans are joining in on the lyrical flames.
Tonight (June 30) at the 2024 BET Awards, the H-town hottie brought her Hot Girl Summer Tour to Los Angeles’ Peacock Theater.
To open the show, Megan took to the stage with a scorching melody of her latest tracks. As she broke free from her shell (in this case, a mock snake egg), Megan began with “Hiss.” Although, the evening’s host, Taraji P. Henson, promised the evening would be about love, the crowd remembers the origins of the striking.
When the track first dropped, Megan had a lot to get off of her chest against her ex-boyfriend Pardi, frenemy Nicki Minaj, Tory Lanez, and more.
Next up, “Boa,” the follow-up to “Hiss.” Megan was joined by an army of dancers to help shake the stage with a thunderous twerk session. To close out the set, decided to pivot to a newer song, “Where Them Girls At.”
Despite it being a fresh release, online users have already crowned it a fan favorite, and based off the audience’s response it might be true.
Watch a Megan Thee Stallion’s performance above and find the full list of 2024 BET Awards nominees and winners here.
The culture’s biggest has arrived. Tonight (June 30), all eyes are on the 2024 BET Awards. Following the heated musical back and forth between (acts like Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Megan Thee Stallion, Nicki Minaj, Latto, and Ice Spice) a calm peaceful change a pace.
Two of the above acts (Nicki Minaj and Drake) were the most nominated of the evening. But that isn’t always a sign of who claims the trophy in a given category. But what was certain, is Usher would receive his followers as the Lifetime Achievement Award recipient.
View the full list of the 2024 BET Awards nominees below, with the winners in bold.
Album Of The Year
Chris Brown, 11:11
Gunna, A Gift & A Curse
21 Savage, American Dream
Usher, Coming Home
Drake, For All the Dogs (Scary Hours Edition)
Victoria Monét, Jaguar II
Killer Mike, Michael
Nicki Minaj, Pink Friday 2
Best Female R&B/Pop Artist
Beyoncé
Coco Jones
Doja Cat
H.E.R.
Muni Long
SZA
Tyla
Victoria Monét
Best Male R&B/Pop Artist
Brent Faiyaz
Bryson Tiller
Burna Boy
Chris Brown
Drake
Fridayy
October London Usher
Best Group
¥$, Ye, Ty Dolla $ign
2 Chainz & Lil Wayne
41
Blxst & Bino Rideaux
City Girls
Flo
Maverick City Music
Wanmor
Best Collaboration
Lil Durk Feat. J. Cole, “All My Life”
Beyoncé Feat. Kendrick Lamar, “America Has a Problem (Remix)”
Nicki Minaj & Ice Spice (With Aqua), “Barbie World”
Cardi B Feat. Megan Thee Stallion, “Bongos”
¥$, Ye, Ty Dolla $ign Feat. Rich The Kid, Playboi Carti, “Carnival”
Lola Brooke Feat. Latto & Yung Miami, “Don’t Play With It (Remix)”
Nicki Minaj Feat. Lil Uzi Vert, “Everybody”
Usher, Summer Walker & 21 Savage, “Good Good”
Drake Feat. Sexyy Red & SZA, “Rich Baby Daddy”
Best Female Hip-Hop Artist
Cardi B
Doja Cat
GloRilla
Ice Spice
Latto
Megan Thee Stallion
Nicki Minaj
Sexyy Red
Best Male Hip-Hop Artist
21 Savage
Burna Boy
Drake
Future
Gunna
J. Cole
Kendrick Lamar
Lil Wayne
Best New Artist
41
4Batz
Ayra Starr
Bossman Dlow
Fridayy
October London
Sexyy Red
Tyla
Video Of The Year
Doja Cat, “Agora Hills”
Lil Durk feat J. Cole, “All My Life”
Nicki Minaj & Ice Spice (With Aqua), “Barbie World”
Cardi B Feat. Megan Thee Stallion, “Bongos”
Drake Feat. J. Cole, “First Person Shooter”
Usher, Summer Walker & 21 Savage, “Good Good”
Victoria Monét, “On My Mama”
Drake Feat. Sexyy Red & SZA, “Rich Baby Daddy”
Video Director Of The Year
Benny Boom
Child.
Cole Bennett
Dave Meyers
Janelle Monáe & Alan Ferguson
Offset
Tems
Tyler, The Creator
Dr. Bobby Jones Best Gospel/Inspirational Award
Shirley Caesar, “Award All of the Glory”
Kirk Franklin, “All Things”
Halle Bailey, “Angel”
CeCe Winans, “Come Jesus Come”
Erica Campbell, Do You Believe in Love?”
Maverick City Music, Naomi Raine & Chandler Moore, “God Problems”
Tems, “Me & U”
Kirk Franklin, “Try Love”
Viewer’s Choice Award
Doja Cat, “Agora Hills”
Lil Durk Feat. J. Cole, “All My Life”
Gunna, “Fukumean”
Jack Harlow, “Lovin on Me”
Muni Long, “Made for Me”
Victoria Monét, “On My Mama”
Drake Feat. Sexyy Red & SZA, “Rich Baby Daddy”
Chris Brown Feat. Davido & Lojay, “Sensational”
Beyoncé, “Texas Hold ‘Em”
Tyla, “Water”
Best International Act
Asake (Africa)
Aya Nakamura (France)
Ayra Starr (Africa)
Bk’ (Brazil)
Cleo Sol (UK)
Focalistic (Africa)
Karol Conká (Brazil)
Raye (UK)
Tiakola (France) Tyla (Africa)
American Fiction
Bob Marley: One Love
Renaissance: A Film by Beyoncé
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
The Book of Clarence
The Color Purple
The Equalizer 3
The Little Mermaid
Best Actor
Anthony Mackie
Colman Domingo
Damson Idris
Denzel Washington
Donald Glover
Idris Elba
Jeffrey Wright
Lakeith Stanfield
Best Actress
Angela Bassett
Ayo Edebiri
Coco Jones
Danielle Brooks
Fantasia
Halle Bailey
Issa Rae
Regina King
YoungStars Award
Akira Akbar
Blue Ivy Carter
Demi Singleton
Heiress Diana Harris
Jabria McCullum
Jalyn Hall
Leah Jeffries
Van Van
Sportswoman Of The Year Award
A’ja Wilson
Angel Reese
Coco Gauff
Flau’jae Johnson
Juju Watkins
Naomi Osaka
Sha’carri Richardson
Simone Biles
Sportsman Of The Year Award
Anthony Edwards
Gervonta Davis
Jalen Brunson
Jalen Hurts
Kyrie Irving
LeBron James
Patrick Mahomes
Stephen Curry
Before we get started, you should know that if you want to get technical, to be called a Kölsch the beer technically must be made within 50 kilometers of the city where it originated: Cologne (Köln in German). Any beer outside of that Protected Geographical Indication under EU law can’t be called a Kölsch. Still, you’ll find brewers making Kölsch -style beers just about everywhere.
And if you’re a fan of refreshing, thirst-quenching beers and you’ve never tried a Kölsch or Kölsch -style beer… what are you waiting for?
Kölsch beers are often labeled as ales, but they share attributes of both the ale and the lager. It’s first warm-fermented the way an ale is before being cold-conditioned in the lager style. Regardless, if you’re a fan of a pilsner or lager, you’re probably going to enjoy the lightly fruity, malty, soft, and clean flavors of the Kölsch. It doesn’t have all the crisp, floral hoppy flavors of a pilsner. But that just makes it a great change of pace.
To help you on your Kölsch and Kölsch-style beer journey, we found eight of the best, most refreshing, flavorful examples. Keep scrolling to see them all.
If you’re going to try Kölsch beers, you absolutely should try at least one of the authentic brews from Cologne. Reissdorf Kölsch is a top-fermented, cold matured ale with a fruity, dry, easy-drinking flavor profile. The brewery has been making this iconic beer since 1894.
Tasting Notes:
A bready, yeasty, fruity, lemon zest, and floral, spicy hopped nose greets you before your first sip. The palate is a mix of freshly baked bread, citrus peels, grape fruitiness, and floral herbal hops. It’s simple, no-frills, and very dry at the finish.
Bottom Line:
If you’re looking for an easy-drinking, flavorful spring beer, look no further than Reissdorf Kölsch.
If you don’t know anything about Altstadt, you might assume this was an imported beer from Germany. Well, it’s located in Fredericksburg, Texas. The brand makes a variety of German beers and one of its best is its Kölsch. Brewed with German malts, Noble hops, and top-fermenting yeast, it’s known for its sweet, malty, floral, crushable flavor profile.
Tasting Notes:
On the nose, you’ll find aromas of doughy malts, cereal grains, crisp apples, honey, and earthy hops. The palate follows suit with notes of freshly baked bread, cereal grains, citrus peels, orchard fruits, honey, and floral spicy hops. The finish is lightly bitter and perfectly dry.
Bottom Line:
This beer might be brewed in the heart of Texas, but it’s a legit refreshing, crushable Kölsch for an warm early summer day.
Another German beer on this list, Gaffel Kölsch is a family-owned brewery that’s been crafting Kölsch (and other German beer styles) since 1908. Brewed by the Germany Purity Law of 1516, it’s simply made with malt, water, and hop extract. The result is a malty, refreshing, gently hoppy ale.
Tasting Notes:
There is a lot of sweetness on the nose. It’s dominated by honey, orchard fruits, lemon zest, and sweet bready malts. There are also some floral, herbal hops on the nose. The palate is a mix of bready malts, cereal grains, honey, crisp apples, grapes, and gentle floral hops at the finish. It’s fruity, dry, and very memorable.
Bottom Line:
Gaffel is as classic as Kölsch ales get. It’s malty, fruity, and lightly floral. It’s everything you’d want in the style.
Yes, the von Trapps who own and operate this Stow, Vermont-based brewery are the same family from ‘The Sound of Music’. They’re just as good at brewing beer as they are at harmonizing about deer and things that are far away. If you only try one von Trapp beer this spring, make it their Kölsch Style made with German malts and hops.
Tasting Notes:
Yeasty bread, orchard fruits, honey, grape skins, a slight minerality, and herbal hops are present on the welcoming nose. Sipping it reveals more of a light mineral flavor as well as cereal grains, grapes, apples, and honey. The finish is sweet, and dry, and leaves you craving more.
Bottom Line:
This beer might be brewed in Vermont, but you’ll feel like you’re sitting alone on the Rhine River while you sip this balanced, refreshing beer.
Chicago’s Dovetail is well-known for its award-winning brews created to pay homage to the traditional beers of Europe. One of its best is its classic Kölsch. It’s known for its sessionable, easy-drinking nature with a mix of fruity, malty, spicy hop aromas and flavors.
Tasting Notes:
A complex nose of cracker-like malt, cereal grains, honey, citrus peels, yeasty bread, and hops start everything off right. The palate is a mix of freshly baked bread, cereal grains, cracker malts, lemon peels, pears, and floral hops. The finish is sweet, dry, and refreshing.
Bottom Line:
While there are some fruit aromas and flavors, Dovetail’s take is less fruity than most of the beers on this list. If that’s your jam, this is your beer.
This take on the traditional Kölsch is a collaboration between Jester King and Jackie O’s Brewery. It’s brewed with aquifer water, TexMalt Llano Pilsner malt, Weyermann Munich Malt, as well as Perle and Fuggle hops. It’s a farmhouse-style Kölsch known for its clean, funky, malty, sweet, spicy flavor profile.
Tasting Notes:
A lot is going on with this beer’s nose. There are yeasty, funky scents of hay and grass followed by bready malts, honey, orchard fruits, citrus peels, and floral hops. Drinking it reveals notes of yeasty, bready malts, light funk, lemon zest, honey, orchard fruits, and floral, piney hops. The finish is dry and very refreshing.
Bottom Line:
This is a slightly different style of Kölsch than the other beers on this list. It’s a little more unfiltered, funky, and farmhouse-like.
This thirst-quenching, sessionable beer is brewed with Pilsner malt, Spalt hops, and Kölsch yeast. One of the highest-rated Kölsch-style ales available today, it’s known for its fruity, malty flavor and spicy, floral, herbal top notes.
Tasting Notes:
The aroma is all sweet corn, bready malts, grape-like fruity scents, fresh-cut grass, honey, and floral, herbal, and earthy hops. Drinking it brings forth notes of yeasty bread, cereal grains, corn, white grapes, cracked black pepper, hay, citrus peels, and floral Noble hops. The finish is dry and gently bitter.
Bottom Line:
When it comes to well-balanced American Kölsch-style ales, it’s difficult to find a more balanced, flavorful choice than Notch Kölsch.
1.) Halfway Crooks Farina
Halfway Crooks
ABV: 4.8%
Average Price: Limited Availability
The Beer:
We don’t know if this beer is named after Dennis Farina, but we’d like to think the brewery enjoyed the late actor’s work. Regardless, this epic Kölsch-style ale is brewed with German Pilsner malt and German Noble hops. This creates a fruity, malty, floral beer you won’t soon forget.
Tasting Notes:
Before your first sip, you’ll be treated to aromas of ripe pears, fresh bread, white grapes, honey, grass, and lemon peels. The palate continues this positive trend with notes of yeasty bread, cereal grains, orchard fruits, fruit esters, white grapes, and floral herbal hops. The finish is fruity, lightly bitter, and effortlessly dry.
Bottom Line:
If you only try one beer on this list, make it Halfway Crooks Farina. It’s simple, elegant, and perfectly executed.
When it comes to breasts, Americans really have it twisted. We’ve sexualized them to such a point we no longer see them for their main purpose: feeding babies.
This disconnect is so extreme that when women breastfeed their children in public they are often met with scorn or shame.
Florida mom and anti-circumcision advocate, Ashley Kaidel, isn’t having it anymore.
Kaidel was breastfeeding in an unnamed restaurant when another diner gave her the stink-eye, just for feeding her child in public. So Kaidel took a photo of herself staring right back at the shamer and posted it to Facebook. The photo quickly went viral, receiving over 420,000 likes.
In her post, she explained why she had such a stern look on her face.
“In the picture, it appears I’m staring off into the distance. In reality, I’m staring into the eyes of a woman staring at me. She is looking at me with disgust and shaking her head with judgement in an attempt to shame me and indirectly tell me without words that I am wrong and need to cover myself.”
Kaidel says she breastfeeds in public to reduce the stigma surrounding it.
“I do this for the person that has the mentality ‘Boobs are to be covered. They’re for your husbands eyes only. They’re intimate. It’s a personal/private thing to feed your baby. Cover up out of respect. My kids don’t need to see that. Walk out of the room’ and any other derogatory, close-minded comments and sentiments alike.”
Then, she cut through all the nonsense surrounding breasts to explain their real purpose.
“[B]reasts were made to sustain your baby’s life before they were made to bring pleasure to any other man, woman, partner or spouse. Their sole purpose is to make food and dispense it straight into a baby’s mouth. There is nothing weird about this and there’s no difference in me feeding my baby with my breast than you feeding yourself with a spoon.
Finally, Kaidel had some strong words for the next person who attempts to shame her for breastfeeding in public.
“No person should be isolated and shunned because they’re eating, especially when you yourself are eating while ridiculing how someone else is eating. Is it not certainly easier to avert your eyes from a displeasing sight rather than suggest or demand a mother and child remove themselves from your presence? How pompous and selfish is this? Just look away. It’s simple to do so. No harm done at all.”
Ancient sage Obi-Wan Kenobi once remarked, “Your eyes can deceive you, don’t trust them.” Well, he’s right, kinda.
Our eyes bring in information and it’s our brain’s job to decipher the image and determine what we’re seeing. But our brains aren’t always correct. In fact, sometimes they can be so wrong we wonder if we are accurately interpreting reality at all.
After all, our brain can only label things if it knows that they are. If you lived on a deserted island your whole life and a cow showed up on the beach, you’d have no idea what to label it.
The latest baffling image that’s making people across the internet doubt their senses is a picture tweeted out by Twitter user nayem. “If you can see a beach, ocean sky, rocks and stars then you are an artist,” the comment reads.
But some people who see it also think it looks like a car door. What do you see?
If your brain told you the picture is of a lovely evening laying on the beach then you’re definitely an optimist. But, according to the person who posted it, the photo is of the bottom of a rusted out car door. Not very romantic, is it?
Here’s what Twitter users thought about the illusion.
Recently, blogger Jen Hatmaker had a funny conversation with a friend about parenting:
“My girlfriend told me the greatest story. Apparently her 11-year-old also wanted to be a grown up this week and, in fact, not only did he treat his siblings like despised underlings, but when asked what he wanted, he said: ‘I want the authority to be in charge of them and tell them what to do, because they deserve it!’
Well. My girlfriend and her husband are NOT AT ALL MESSING AROUND with parenting. Calmly, evenly, they granted his request to be a grown-up for a week by pulling him out of camp (the underlings still got to go, because they are ‘such children’) and sending him to work ALL DAY EVERY DAY with his dad. He has to get up early and shower and make breakfast for everyone. He has to kiss the underlings before he goes to work and tell them to have a great day and that he loves them. He has to work on a typing project during his office hours. He only gets to eat what his dad eats, because eating like a grown-up is not nearly as fun as eating like a kid.
Want to be an adult? Fine.”
Photo via iStock.
Hatmaker’s post went viral, with thousands of parents chiming in with their own stories of tough love, both giving and receiving.
The responses were hilarious, poignant, and a sign that the next generation is being parented by extremely capable, if not a little bit diabolical, hands.
Here are five of my favorite stories from the comments about parenting-gone-absolutely-right:
1. Jill Duff’s mom used an embarrassing outfit to teach her sister an important lesson:
“My sister was snotty to my Mom. She called her and pretty much demanded, ‘Bring my band uniform to the high school!’ She’s the one who forgot her uniform in the first place. Then she told my Mom ‘Do not come in the school, that would be so EMBARRASSING. Just wait for me by my car.’
So my Mom did just that. She stood by my sister’s car, in the Texas heat, WEARING my sister’s band uniform. All the kids walking out for the day saw it.
Parenting GOLD.“
And Mom was like…
2. Jessica Klick got her sons new shoes … but not the ones they wanted.
“Our 11 and 12 year olds at the time were complaining and whining and being ungrateful, saying how ‘hard their life was.’ For boys, the big thing is wearing those cool Steph Curry shoes and our boys LOVE their Currys!
So after hearing the last complaint my husband went to Walmart to buy white maypop leather shoes (the kind you see in geriatric centers) and high white socks. He brought those bad boys home, set them on the boys’ dresser, and made them wear those things everywhere we went. Those devastated boys told us we were ‘ruining their lives.’
I may or may not have laughed like a little girl when I dropped them off at school and watched them do the walk of shame.“
3. Marisa Rodriguez Byers says she wished her mother was dead. And boy, did she regret it.
“I was a wretched, hormonal teenager. At the age of 13 I told my mom, ‘I wish you were dead!’ And at that moment, she ‘died,’ but to me only. (I had younger sisters).
She completely ignored me, didn’t speak at me, didn’t look at me, wouldn’t cook for me, set my place at the table, wash my clothes, take me to school, NOTHING. After 8 days, I broke down in the middle of the night, went to her room, clutched her tightly while sobbing how sorry I was and how much I loved her and that I would NEVER say those words again. I’m 41 years old now, I have NEVER uttered those words or anything remotely like them after that incident.“
After tough love, you gotta hug it out.
4. Jessica Hill gave her daughter a good scare — and, in turn, a new appreciation.
“I was grocery shopping with my three year old when she decided to start screaming for ice cream. There was no reasoning with her in this hulk-type rage. I swear she had super human strength as I struggled to get her out of the cart full of groceries.
I was completely unaware of the two police officers who were witnessing this wrestling match. She was still hitting, kicking, and screaming when I was stopped by the police officers in the parking lot. They thought I had abducted her. This happened long before we had smart phones full of our children’s photos. They tried questioning her but she was still too busy throwing a fit, so I handed her over. I told them she could ride with them because I really needed a break and they could follow me home to see her birth certificate, baby book, etc. They started chuckling as one officer said, ‘Spoken like a true mom!’ I think they were more relieved than I was when she finally cried out, ‘Mommy?’
The officer handed her back to me while the other went back inside the store to ensure there wasn’t a distraught mother looking for her missing toddler. That evening my daughter told her dad she almost went to jail because she threw a fit, and I let her believe it. She didn’t throw a fit in public again.”
“Uhh, ma’am?”
“I didn’t mean to scare her, so after this experience, I wanted to ensure my daughter had a healthy respect and appreciation for first responders. Today, I’m happy to say she is highly aware and appreciative of the police, firemen, paramedics, and military personnel who serve to protect her.”
5. Erica Goodnight taught her son an incredible lesson that he carries to this day.
“My kid was whining over not having anything to play with. So, without a word, I went to the garage and got a black 50 gallon trash bag and started putting in all the toys that he obviously didn’t even realize were in our home to play with.
I loaded them AND him into the car and we drove to our local homeless shelter and gave every. single. toy. in the bag away. To a child who TRULY had nothing. And you know what? He didn’t even cry. His eyes were opened to the ones who have nothing. He actually enlarged his heart that day. And, we still do it. We still take toys to kids with nothing at least once a year.”
Parent win. Life lesson score.
There’s a fine line between teaching your kids a tough lesson in a funny way and engaging in “humiliation parenting.”
Making children wear a sign that says, “I sneak boys in at 3 a.m. and disrespect my parents and grandparents” or otherwise berating them publicly is a good way to erode trust between the two of you and seriously damage your relationship.
But calling their bluff on a ridiculous demand? Or having a little fun with how you choose to correct their bad attitude? That’s just plain survival.
And that’s what parenting is really all about.
You can read the whole hilarious exchange over on Facebook.
In the meantime, what’s your favorite tough-love story?
“It may be the most important thing we do in life; learn how to love and be loved.”
At least, that’s according to Harvard psychologist and researcher Rick Weissbourd.
He’s been collecting data on the sex and love habits of young people for years through surveys, interviews, and even informal conversation — with teens and the important people in their lives.
Through it all, one thing has been abundantly clear:
“We spend enormous amount of attention helping parents prepare their kids for work and school,” Weissbourd says. “We do almost nothing to prepare them for the tender, tough, subtle, generous, focused work of developing mature healthy relationships. I’m troubled by that.”
Now he and his team have finally compiled five years of intense research that asks the question, “What do young people really think about sex and love?”
And maybe just as important: “How should we be preparing them?”
Everybody’s hooking up with everybody these days, right? Not so fast.
The Harvard report presents a startling statistic from a related study in 2008. A group of college students in the U.S. were asked what percentage of guys on campus they thought had sex on any given weekend. They guessed about 80%. The reality? As low as 5%.
Weissbourd notes that because hookups are so culturally visible (especially in college) and gossiped about, it creates a perception that they’re a lot more common than they actually are.
The Harvard study itself found, in fact, that most young people are a lot more interested in sex within a committed relationship or, shockingly(!), things that don’t involve sex at all.
What it means for parents: We as adults, unfortunately, play a big role in this pervasive and harmful myth. “In every era there’ve been complaints about how sexually out of control kids are,” Weissbourd says. “It’s a story adults really love to tell.”
When we play up this stereotype, the study finds it can actually make young people less likely to seek advice or to talk about sex and relationships because they may feel inadequate or embarrassed about their lack of experience.
2. Sexual harassment and assault, however, remain huge, unaddressed problems.
“There are a significant number of young men out there who think that all they can’t do is rape someone,” Weissbourd says. “They can’t drag someone in an alley to rape them.”
What many of them have very little concept of, he says, is how harmful and dangerous behaviors like catcalling, pressuring, and coercion can be.
The study cites endless instances of girls being harassed at school, complaining to administration, staging walkouts; anything to get the problem addressed. But the “boys will be boys” attitude persists, and problems are often swept under the rug rather than tackled head-on.
A culture of sexual violence is harmful for obvious reasons, but the report also found these kinds of attitudes can bleed over into relationships that can “disproportionately involve females servicing males.”
What it means for parents: Talk. to. your. kids. about. consent.
“I was really surprised how many parents had not had basic conversations with their kids about things like consent, or how to avoid sexually harassing a person,” Weissbourd says.
We have to make it crystal clear to young people what kinds of behavior are and aren’t acceptable, and follow up those lines with real consequences. It’s the only way things are ever going to change.
3. Teens and young adults want more guidance than we’re giving them.
Most parents aren’t thrilled about having “the talk,” and admittedly, bringing up the topic of sex with a teen is no easy task.
But with all this dread and hand-wringing over how to talk about the birds and the bees, the Harvard report notes that many parents are overlooking a much bigger topic: love and relationships.
Roughly 70% of surveyed young adults reported wishing they had received more or better guidance on the emotional aspects of relationships, both from parents or from health class. But it’s not just a hindsight thing.
Many parents are overlooking a much bigger topic: love and relationships.
“The percentage of young people who want guidance on romantic relationships was encouraging,” Weissbourd says. “Kids light up when they are talking about love and what love is and what does it mean. That was surprising and really encouraging.”
What it means for parents: When you’re done teaching your teenager how to put a condom on a banana, make sure to spend some time talking about the day-to-day work that goes into building a healthy relationship.
That means going beyond platitudes. The Harvard team suggests diving into more complex questions like, What’s the difference between attraction, infatuation, and love? How can we be more attracted to people the less interested they are in us? Why can we be attracted to people who are unhealthy for us?
Those are questions some of us might not even have the answer to, but having the honest conversation with our kids is a major step in helping them learn how to love and be loved.
As Weissbourd says, it’s one of the most important things we’ll ever do.
The full report tackles even more and is jam-packed with must-know findings and statistics. It’s definitely worth a read.
This article originally appeared on 05.18.17
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