Month: August 2024

Post Malone And Chris Stapleton Sing All About Being ‘California Sober’ On Their New Incredibly Intoxicating Song

Post author By GoneTrending
Post date August 16, 2024

Overwhelmingly, Post Malone’s transition into a country star has been welcomed with open arms. Not only does the “Yours” musician already has a chart-topping single, but on August 14, Posty made his live performance debut at the Grand Ole Opry.

Today (August 16), Post Malone’s official full-length project in the genre, F-1 Trillion, is available across streaming platforms. The song most supporters looked forward to most was “California Sober” with Chris Stapleton.

In June, the duo teased the record by way of a video snippet. But that just didn’t do the track justice. The two release their woes over an entanglement neither can shake, as they sing: “California sober on the Highway 1 / Over on the shoulder, thought I saw some fun, lookin’ for a ride / Trouble in some daisies, holdin’ out her thumb / Stole some sucker’s money, now she’s on the run and she wanna get high / She said, ‘I’ll take you on a little trip, come on, give these lips a try’ / She drank up all my whiskey, blew down all my smoke / I became the punchline of some cosmic joke.”

Prior to its formal release, Post Malone shared several of F-1 Trillion‘s records, including “I Had Some Help” with Morgan Wallen, “Guy For That” with Luke Combs, and “Pour Me A Drink” with Blake Shelton. But nothing could prepare you for the addictive track that is “California Sober.”

Listen to Post Malone’s song “California Sober” with Chris Stapleton above.

F-1 Trillion is on now via Republic. You can find more information here.

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The Best Ween Songs, Ranked

Post author By GoneTrending
Post date August 16, 2024

Ween(1024x450) — Getty Image/Merle Cooper

Ween is a band that everyone has heard of but relatively few people know. “That’s the ‘joke rock’ group, right?” is the median take among the general populace. Slightly more educated individuals might remember them from Beavis & Butthead. Slightly less educated people will confuse them with They Might Be Giants. Both groups will label them a jam band. And that more or less is the sum total of general knowledge about Ween.

Let’s change that. Earlier this month, Ween released a 30th anniversary edition of Chocolate And Cheese, one of the finest alt-rock albums of the ’90s. It’s a great entry point for this band’s consistently excellent (if also somewhat intimidating) discography. But what if you want to go deeper? You should want to go deeper. And I would love to take you deeper.

Typically, my approach with this sort of column is to educate, and with Ween the No. 1 task is to dispel any misconceptions and replace them with takes that are informed and enlightened. That’s my plan. I adore this band. And I want to take you away. To some other land. The land of bananas and blow and mutilated lips and pork roll egg and cheese’s.

Here are my 40 favorite Ween songs.

PRE-LIST ENTERTAINMENT: TWO BIG CANNONS THAT SPRAY … WELL, YOU’LL SEE

To learn about Ween you must prove that you are mentally and physically prepared to follow the Boognish. Therefore, I am going to start with the brownest music of their career. In the process, I will clear the room of all but the diehards and the disciples.

The performance above was recorded on January 31, 1995 in Columbia, Missouri. “Poop Ship Destroyer” is described by Dean Ween in the liner notes of Paintin’ The Town Brown: Ween Live – 1990-’98 as “our anthem.” And he calls this particular rendition “the definitive version of the song.” He’s right. It is Ween’s anthem, and this truly is the definitive version. The Dead had “Dark Star,” and this is “Darker Star.” Zeppelin had “Dazed And Confused,” and this is “Extremely Dazed And Confused.” Phish has “You Enjoy Myself,” and this is “You Don’t Enjoy Myself.”

“If we get the money someday,” Dean writes, “we want to get two big cannons that spray diarrhea on the crowd when we play this.”

Are you still with me?

Ween never did get the sufficient amount of funds to pay for those cannons, and for better or worse, the reason is their insistence on pursuing self-indulgent gambits like a 26-minute version of “Poop Ship Destroyer.” Bands that play a song like “Poop Ship Destroyer” for 26 minutes do not normally graduate to “two big cannons” money. It’s just not a commercial or audience-pleasing move. If you don’t believe me, press play on the video and see how long you last before closing this tab and chucking your phone or computer into the nearest lake. If you can make it to at least the 10-minute mark, congratulations — you’re a complete and utter pervert.

Also, you are a Ween fan.

40. “You Fucked Up” (1990)

Ween is not a joke band. Ween is not even a particularly funny band. At least not “ha ha” funny. Ween is funny like a kid who burns ants with a magnifying glass is funny. It’s “funny as an abstract concept but creepy as an IRL entity” funny.

So, what is Ween? Ween is a duo composed of Gene Ween (generally the singer and sometimes a guitar player) and Dean Ween (generally the guitar player and sometimes a singer). On stage, they expand to a five-piece. In that environment, they almost resemble a normal rock band. But they are not normal. They are Ween.

Ween is irreverent. The definition of “irreverent” is “showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously.” “Irreverent” is used synonymously with “funny,” because the words frequently intersect. But they don’t always intersect and Ween mostly resides in that non-intersection zone. They lack respect for people or things in ways that are more disturbing than silly.

At their best, Ween is so off-putting that their music achieves a special kind of catharsis that’s only possible when you completely disregard matters of decorum and good taste. I’ll give you an example: Three days after 9/11, Ween played a show in their hometown of New Hope, Pennsylvania celebrating the reissue of their 1990 debut studio album, GodWeenSatan: The Oneness. In recognition of the recent national disaster, Gene Ween naturally began with a moving a cappella performance of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” followed by a spontaneous audience sing-along of “God Bless America.”

Just kidding. Ween did the opposite of what I just described. They opened with the first song from GodWeenSatan, “You Fucked Up.” For those who are unfamiliar: “You Fucked Up” is a sludgy punk-metal number in which Gene berates a woman as “a fucking Nazi whore” and “a slimy little shit.” (He also calls her a “bitch,” which seems relatively tasteful in this context.) There is no excuse for “You Fucked Up.” It’s the sort of song only kids who burn ants laugh at. I can’t justify it all, except that it totally rocks and it works perfectly as the kickstart to a record that also includes songs about weasels, zits, ticks, fat guys, smelly hippies, mushroom festivals in hell, and begging to perform cunnilingus. And it must have been doubly perfect to hear those songs performed so close to the cataclysmic disaster that many pundits at the time believed would kill our national irreverent impulses forever and ever.

You fucked up, pundits.

39. “Don’t Laugh (I Love You)” (1990)

Gene (aka Aaron Freeman) and Dean (Mickey Melchiondo) met in 1984, when they were in the eighth grade. They named their band after a made-up word combining “wuss” and “penis,” which is among the smartest things ever done by any pair of eighth grade boys ever. (That bar is low, but still.)

I know this will sound like hyperbole but I mean it: Their meeting can only be described as an accident of divine providence. In most American small towns, there might be one kid who loves punk rock and weird avant garde art music so much that he starts making primitive tapes in his bedroom. That might happen, but it probably won’t. And yet, in New Hope in the mid-’80s, there were somehow two of those kids. And they met, and then they started writing songs. So many songs. “You Fucked Up” was the first one with a verse and a chorus. Ween was on their way.

The reductive (but still fairly accurate) breakdown of their partnership follows the old Lennon/McCartney model. One is brash, sarcastic and loves to rock (Dean) and the other is more sensitive and romantic and prone to writing beautiful pop songs (Gene). Ween doesn’t always conform to these stereotypes, but they hew close enough that it’s a helpful way of thinking about the band. (This dichotomy also apparently applies to each man’s father — Dean has characterized Gene’s dad as a hippie who went to Woodstock, and his own dad as “the guy who would throw rocks at hippies.”)

“Don’t Laugh” feels like a Gene song. Romantic love is perhaps the one thing that Ween is not irreverent about, and their earliest ballads have an innocence that’s only possible coming from very young people. If Paul McCartney had skipped joining The Beatles and instead started making records like McCartney II in his early 20s, it would sound like this track.

38. “Stay Forever” (2003)

In the pre-list entertainment section, I referenced the “brown” sound. Before we proceed, we need to elaborate on the properties of Ween’s brownness. The brown sound was originally associated with Eddie Van Halen, whose ideal guitar tone — a mix of significant bottoms, creamy middles, and screaming high ends — was described with that lightly dark shade. For Ween, however, brown doesn’t much resemble the supersonic plastic of Eddie’s guitar licks. It’s the antithesis of that — filthy, scuzzy, disgusting, evil, transgressive, blackout intoxicated, “bad” but in a good way, “ugly” but in the sexy sense. That’s Ween’s brand of brown.

“Stay Forever,” meanwhile, is the straightest (i.e. least brown) love song of Ween’s career, from their least brown album, 1999’s White Pepper. Some fans don’t like it for that reason, though I would argue that Ween’s ability to toggle between brown and non-brown music is a testament to their ability of songwriters and musicians. “Stay Forever” shows they could have been a regular ’90s radio rock band if they wanted to be. In a different universe, Ween is like the Gin Blossoms with a much deeper catalog of genius guitar pop tunes. (This is not a better universe, but it is conceivable.)

Also: It helps to have at least one “normal” record when you’re trying to bring new people into the fold. You can’t hit them with “L.M.L.Y.P.” right from the jump.

37. “Reggaejunkiejew” (1992)

This, on the other hand, is not what you would play for the Ween neophyte. This sounds like Captain Beefheart if he had made a record inspired by Licensed To Ill.

36. “Don’t Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy)” (1992)

Ween’s first three albums put them on the periphery of the era’s “lo-fi” scene that also included bands like Pavement, Silver Jews, and Guided By Voices. Incredibly, Ween was the one that ended up on a major corporate record label, Elektra, starting with the release of Pure Guava. Of all the decade’s “only in the ’90s” alt-rock success stories, Ween seems the least plausible, with the possible exception of Butthole Surfers. (Ween’s moniker, at least, is somewhat less obvious as a scatological reference.) Their early trilogy actually moved in a less commercial direction — for all its juvenile, gross-out humor, GodWeenSatan was recorded on 16-track with live drums, whereas 1991’s The Pod and Pure Guava showcases the unconventional “two guys plus drum machine” lineup that Ween performed as on stage in those days.

At the time Ween wasn’t a “real” band in the traditional sense, they were two guys emphasizing all the ways in which they weren’t a real band and trying to make larger-than-life rock songs anyway. It was like putting wheels on a cardboard box and attempting to drive at 180 mph at the Daytona 500. Which seems like a fool’s errand until you listen to “Don’t Get 2 Close 2 My Fantasy” and realize that they somehow won the race.

35. “Frank” (1991)

Chocolate And Cheese is the best Ween record, Live In Chicago is the Ween album I listen to the most, and The Pod is my personal favorite Ween LP. It was the soundtrack to the worst summer of my life, which occurred exactly 20 years ago, when I was convinced that my life had fallen irrevocably apart. (Fortunately, this breakdown was not irrevocable, because these sorts of breakdowns rarely are.) I don’t know if listening to this dense, druggy and (yes) deeply brown record at the height of my depression was a good idea or the worst idea I’ve ever had in my life. All I know is that The Pod was not a record I especially liked or understood before I was thrust into a temporary hell, and then it became the only music that made sense to me.

The solo at the end of “Frank” — where it sounds like there’s five guitars melting together while being sucked into a black hole — is the sonic representation of what depression feels like to me.

34. “Sketches Of Winkle” (1991)

GodWeenSatan was like a greatest hits album composed of the best songs that Gene and Dean worked on throughout their teens for the previous six years. That explains the vulgarity of the record, but it also points to its sneaky sweetness as well. The Pod has some sweet moments as well, but the overall vibes are far more sinister. The infamous lore about the guys huffing Scotchgard as they recorded The Pod provides some of that disquieting air, but it’s really the music — which toggles between fuzzily incoherent and a hard-edged metallic mania — that cuts deep. “Sketches Of Winkle” is on the latter side of that equation, and it stands out as the most propulsive of their Ween 1.0 prog-rock homages. Though even here, they trojan-horse a love song between flashy guitar riffs: “I think I love her but she don’t love me.” Tell me about it, guys, 2004 me moaned.

33. “Pandy Fackler” (1999)

Ween is irreverent, but they insist they don’t do parodies. They have stated their case on this repeatedly. “We’re not trying to parody music. We’re not trying to destroy music. We’re just trying to make good music,” Dean pleaded to Spin in 1995. Added Gene, “We’d probably like to hang out with those people and work with them. We would never make fun of any of those people.”

Taking Gene and Dean at their word, I wish Donald Fagen and Walter Becker had heard “Pandy Fackler,” called up the Ween guys, realized they were all kindred spirits in the smart-ass arts, and collaborated on an album that only exists in my imagination, Four Against Nature.

32. “Japanese Cowboy” (1996)

When Ween went to Nashville and recorded with some of the city’s most celebrated session musicians for 12 Golden Country Greats, the reaction ranged from confused to disappointed to “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” The album represented the height of the public assuming that these guys were perfecting their genre exercises in order to make fun of the people who genuinely liked that particular music. That 12 Golden Country Greats has only 10 tracks was like a period at the end of the insult.

Now, it really wasn’t an insult, and 12 Golden Country Greats actually was a sincere and well-executed record. But at the time, it was probably the strangest and most commercially self-defeating album released by a rock band on a major label. Which, again, only seems strange in retrospect given how downright genial a lot of this music is. (“Piss Up A Rope” notwithstanding.) If country radio had more creative programmers, “Japanese Cowboy” would have been a hit.

31. “Fluffy” (1996)

I’m including the studio version here, but I prefer any live performance of “Fluffy” where Dean rips an eight-minute guitar solo, especially from the excellent tour they did in 1996 with the Shit Creek Boys aka the best Ween tour of all time. (I look forward to defending this take on a Reddit page in the near future.)

30. “She Fucks Me” (Paintin’ The Town Brown version, recorded in 1996)

Another performance from the Shit Creek Boys tour. It’s a testament to the miraculous power of the pedal steel that it makes this song sound five times more tender. Also: It’s the first part of the “Pork Roll Egg And Cheese” trilogy, preceding “Frank” and (of course) “Pork Roll Egg And Cheese.”

29. “Push Th’ Little Daisies” (1992)

This song is to Ween what “Creep” is to Radiohead. It’s technically their “hit,” and it’s the track that defines Ween for people who know nothing else about them. Ween plays “Push Th’ Little Daisies” more than Radiohead plays “Creep,” but it’s not the song that’s top of mind for anyone who loves this band. It feels very early ’90s — this was a time when music that deliberately set out to annoy listeners was considered commercially viable, similar to how people couldn’t get enough of British guys self-identifying as losers. (It also messed with people’s minds, especially in the music press — Robert Christgau was so frazzled he dropped an n-word in his review of Pure Guava.) The closest equivalent to “Push Th’ Little Daisies” is 100 Gecs putting out something like “Cheetos And Fritos,” though that song is more stupid than confrontational. When Ween acted like buffoons, it was in the service of punk rock.

28. “Ocean Man” (1997)

The car commercial song. Taken from The Mollusk, the aquatic-themed prog-rock concept record commonly regarded along with Chocolate And Cheese as top-shelf Ween. It’s the album that most successfully balances Ween’s “kinda normal rock band” and “weirdo experimental bedroom pop” sides. The one-stop shop for all of your Ween needs. The same can be said about this tune.

27. “It’s Gonna Be A Long Night” (2003)

The first time I interviewed Dean Ween, it was 2007 and he was promoting what may or may not be the final Ween studio album, La Cucaracha. Almost nobody loves La Cucaracha. If there is a consensus choice for worst Ween album, that’s probably the one. It’s still good, because it’s Ween, but relative to the other records it’s weak. Let me put it this way: The one Ween song that JD Vance put on his Spotify playlist came from La Cucaracha.

You know who does love La Cucaracha (along with JD)? Deaner. He did in 2007, anyway. He called it a “party” record in comparison to the previous Ween LP, Quebec. “With Quebec, I like it as a record, but it’s very negative. It’s one of our darker records, I think. I don’t listen to any of our records, but I have never listened to that one. Basically, I was all fucked-up, and Aaron was all fucked-up,” he told me. “We had to un-fuck ourselves to make a new record and sustain this thing, Ween.”

Now, it’s obvious in retrospect that they did not un-fuck themselves after La Cucaracha. But we’ll address that in a moment. For now, I just want to point out that the first song on Quebec, the Motörhead-inspired “It’s Gonna Be A Long Night,” is one of the hardest partying songs in the entire catalog.

26. “Captain” (2003)

Nevertheless, Dean is right about Quebec having bad vibes. That’s one of the things I love about it. But those vibes carried over from the live show. I started going to Ween gigs around that time, and early-to-mid-aughts Ween remains the single most evil concert environment I have ever experienced firsthand. It wasn’t the sort of party vibe you get at a jam-band show, where people dance and have a good time. Nobody was dancing at these Ween shows. This was about getting as fucked up as possible, and then venturing inward on a fraught psychic journey akin to Martin Sheen going up the river in order to murder Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. The band also seemed worse for wear, especially Gene, who looked underweight at one show and then overweight at the next show. He was constantly ping-ponging between those extremes.

All things considered I had fun.

This song evokes that era the strongest for me. It’s just Gene bellowing “Captain, turn around and take me home” over and over as the band descends slowly into madness. It killed live, too. In the audience, we all felt like we were dead.

25. “Little Birdy” (1992)

Oliver Stone allegedly played this song on a loop while filming Natural Born Killers. The point was either to put Woody Harrelson into a psychotic frame of mind, or to literally drive him crazy. It’s possible he was pursuing both goals simultaneously. Whatever the case is, it represents Stone’s finest work as a director next to the time he inspired John Candy in JFK to deliver the word “daddy-o” better than anyone ever.

24. “Even If You Don’t” (1999)

Back to Ween’s failed “un-fuck ourselves” project post-Quebec. On January 24, 2011, Ween performed in Vancouver. As the show unfolded, Gene got progressively more wasted. By the encore, he was on stage by himself and singing on his back. Soon after, he checked into rehab. One year later, I interviewed Gene as he was promoting his first solo album, Marvelous Clouds. When I asked about the future of Ween, Gene was noncommittal. “I’m really leaving things open-ended right now,” he said. Later that month, he announced that he was leaving the band. Ween didn’t play live for another four years.

One thing that stands out from the interview is our conversation about Terry Jacks’ ’70s bubblegum classic “Seasons In The Sun,” one of Gene’s favorite songs. It sounds like a proto-Ween tune, with shiny and child-like pop commingling with macabre subject matter. “In order to set dark music to dark lyrics, that takes its own special talent,” Gene argued. “I mean, I could sit down and work on making gothic, dark rock and putting gothic, dark music to it. But I love pop music, and I always have.”

A bouncy pop song about a man trapped in a terrible relationship, “Even If You Don’t” has that “Seasons In The Sun” feel. “I was happy this morning / You finally got yourself dressed / Eating raw bacon / It’s okay I was still impressed.”

23. “Zoloft” (2003)

Quebec and The Pod are sister albums in Ween’s discography. They are the “drugs are frightening and will loosen your grip on sanity” records. It’s the yin to the yang of Chocolate And Cheese and The Mollusk, which are the “drugs can strengthen your friendship and provide life-affirming experiences” albums. I love them all, though I find myself relating more to the yin side these days. “Zoloft” is a good example of this.

22. “Gabrielle” (2005)

You can make the case for Chocolate And Cheese being the best Ween album based on the number of classics on the tracklist. (We will be discussing this record more and more as we reach the top of this list.) You can also make a case for Chocolate And Cheese based on the classics that didn’t make the album, starting with “Gabrielle,” a brilliant Thin Lizzy rip-off revived for the 2005 outtakes compilation Shinola, Vol. 1. Would I take anything off Chocolate And Cheese and replace it with “Gabrielle”? No, I would not. I would just make Chocolate And Cheese longer.

21. “The Golden Eel” (1997)

Chocolate And Cheese is 1a and The Mollusk is 1b in the Ween album hierachy. Everybody knows this. (The Pod is my personal 1c.) While Chocolate And Cheese showcases the breadth of Ween’s talent, The Mollusk is their most cohesive statement. And what is that statement? It’s a statement about hanging out with your best bud, renting a house on the ocean, doing a ton of psychedelics, and making songs about the glory and terror of aquatic life. “The Golden Eel” epitomizes this.

INTERMISSION

Top Five Songs I Regret Not Putting On This List

5. “Sarah” (1990)

See the earlier note about Paul McCartney.

4. “Object” (2007)

Justice for La Cucaracha.

3. “Right To The Ways And The Rules Of The World” (1991)

I have also listened to Syd Barrett while stoned.

2. “Booze Me Up And Get Me High” (Live In Chicago version, 2004)

Self-explanatory.

1. “She Wanted To Leave” (1997)

Fake Richard Thompson never hit so hard.

Now … back to the list.

20. “Piss Up A Rope” (1996)

The most quotable Ween song. Which is a problem because it’s also one of the filthiest. But it’s memorably filthy. Joe Walsh’s “Life’s Been Good” is the only song I know where every single lyric could be a bumper sticker. But “Piss Up A Rope” is the only song where each line could be emblazoned on a trucker hat. “Now you’re up shit’s creek with a turd for a paddle” is something I would wear proudly.

19. “You Were The Fool” (1996)

The best non-filthy song from 12 Golden Country Greats. Alan Jackson should have recorded this and had a huge hit in the late ’90s.

18. “Captain Fantasy” (1991)

I have only ever experienced the “band” version of Ween in person. The “two guys plus drum machine” configuration exists for me only via bootlegs and live albums. Overall, I prefer the “band” incarnation. But there are certain songs that sound better when Ween was a more pared-down operation. “Captain Fantasy” is one of them. With the band, it sounds exactly like a lost FM rock classic that reimagines the spare parts of every cool song by Yes, Genesis and King Crimson. It smokes. But it’s a little too perfect. It doesn’t have that “cardboard box that’s trying to be a racecar” aspect of early Ween that’s so essential to those early records.

17. “What Deaner Was Talking About” (1994)

An ongoing concern for Ween fans post-hiatus is the relationship status of Gene and Dean. After the breakup, words were exchanged online that suggested that their friendship had devolved into a business-only partnership. Given the trajectory of most long-running bands, this shouldn’t have come as a surprise. But given that Ween is composed of only two people — and the sort of creative and even romantic synchronicity the guys seemed to have early on — the thought of them not being bros is upsetting. “The best I can say about that is, there are things in my life that no one can understand except Aaron. We kind of have a parallel life. We went through everything together: junior high school, high school, being broke, getting evicted, meeting our wives and ex-wives, having kids,” Dean told me in 2007. “But there are other things where I can talk to anyone but Aaron.”

That quote makes me think about “What Deaner Was Talking About,” a perfect two-minute late-period Beatles nod about Gene waking up, feeling terrible, and knowing that only Dean understands what he’s going through.

16. “The Mollusk” (1997)

Dean’s personal favorite Ween song. It’s also a title track, which makes it unique in their discography. But above all it represents the point where Ween went from emulating classic rock to making classic rock. The album even has a trippy Storm Thorgerson cover. Like any Pink Floyd LP, it was made for rolling joints.

15. “Dr. Rock” (1991)

It takes chutzpah to call a song “Dr. Rock” when you’re not AC/DC. On The Pod, Ween pretty much pulls it off. Live, they absolutely pull it off.

14. “Take Me Away” (1994)

A good example of Ween spotlighting the ridiculousness of a particular style of music while also demonstrating how awesome it is. (I am trying very hard to not use the “p-word” here.) Gene slips into his sleaziest “Elvis in the 1970s” voice, thanking the crowd between pleas about how this woman is driving him crazy. It’s a send-up of show business at its cheesiest, and yet Ween in lounge-band phase manages to swing with maximum force.

13. “Freedom Of ’76” (1994)

Robin Zander of Cheap Trick is known as “The Man Of A Thousand Voices.” And he totally deserves that nickname. But Gene Ween is The Man Of Ten Thousand Voices. And the voice he uses on “Freedom Of ’76” is his sweetest and most velvety. (He even nailed it live on The Jane Pratt Show.) This also has to be considered one of the finest songs ever written about Philadelphia. Boyz II Men, Mannequin, South Street — all the essential bases are covered.

12. “Pork Roll Egg And Cheese” (1991)

Named after a breakfast fixture of New Jersey. The one Ween song that the guys in Ween could conceivably have a conversation with Bruce Springsteen about.

11. “Demon Sweat” (1991)

Prince is the musical North Star for Ween. Perhaps because Prince basically was Ween, only he had a much bigger budget and he contained Gene and Dean in the same body. But, like Ween, he was a master of every genre and he wrote filthy lyrics and he was funnier than the world gave him credit for. “As young kids in Ween, it was attainable to imitate Prince,” Dean told Rolling Stone in the wake of Prince’s death. “When we got better, we could actually make ourselves sound like Prince a little bit.”

On “Demon Sweat,” they weren’t quite at the level where they could pass for Prince. (Like they do here.) It’s just two Prince fanatics trying to emulate Purple Rain. But in failing to replicate Prince, Ween achieves the peak sex music of their own carer.

10. “Tear For Eddie” (1994)

“Eddie” is a reference to Eddie Hazel, the visionary guitarist from Funkadelic who managed to out-Hendrix Hendrix via his historic solo on “Maggot Brain.” “Tear For Eddie” has a similar mournful stateliness, which makes it an outlier in Ween’s catalog. Rarely do they sound this melancholic, even on the love songs. (The unreleased “Love Comes Down” has a similar feel.). Dean really blows the doors of “Tear For Eddie” on stage, but the relative restraint of the Chocolate And Cheese has plenty of power of its own.

9. “Bananas And Blow” (1999)

It just makes me happy. Being stuck in a cabana with narcotics and fruit sounds like a dream. And I say that as a person who typically gets grumpy when steel drums pop up in a song. The alleged backstory is that Gene and Dean wanted to troll Jimmy Buffett for trying to block other musicians from covering “Margaritaville,” so they conceived of an entire album of songs that sounded like “Margaritaville.” Only “Bananas And Blow” made it to the light of day, but I hope against hope that this faux-Buffett record actually exists, especially since Jimmy himself is no longer with us.

8. “Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)” (1994)

The first 20 times you listen to Chocolate And Cheese, you skip this song. The next 20 times, you are annoyed and even slightly angry that Gene and Dean put such a morbid song on the record. The 20 times after that, you grudgingly listen to it, just to check to make sure you still hate it. Then, on the 61st spin, you realize you can sing along to every word. And every time after that, you forget you ever hated it at all.

In terms of the lyrics, this is as brown as Ween gets. Playing it in front of anyone who doesn’t know this band will lead to your immediate excommunication from that person’s life.

7. “The Stallion (Pt. 3)” (1990)

Not to be confused with “The Stallion” Parts 1-2 and 4-5. This is the most accessible installment of “The Stallion” saga. I took my friend to see Ween a few years ago and they subjected the crowd to several minutes of “The Stallion (Pt. 1)” right at the start of show. My friend bailed after 20 minutes. I am confident that if Ween had instead played “The Stallion (Pt. 3)” in that slot he would have stayed for at least 25.

6. “Voodoo Lady” (Live In Chicago version, 2004)

Honestly, I could specify the “Live In Chicago version” for all of these remaining songs. But I must do it for “Voodoo Lady,” which was transformed on stage as a showcase for Dean Ween’s A-plus shredding. I could have also gone with the Paintin’ The Town Brown version, particularly because Dean writes in the liner notes that he was trying to sound like the Santana live album Lotus on the guitar solo. (This was the thing that got me to buy Lotus, so I’m extra grateful for that.) But the Live In Chicago “Voodoo Lady” has the slight edge as the definitive version for me. It’s even browner than Paintin’ The Town Brown.

5. “Transdermal Celebration” (2003)

When Spin profiled Ween in 1995, the reporter skeptically quizzed the band on Dean’s penchant for solos. “Is it punk?” she wondered. This was, after all, the ’90s, and people asked “is it punk?” constantly. Henry Rollins doing spoken word — is it punk? The Flaming Lips going on 90210 — is it punk? Billie Joe Armstrong playing an acoustic guitar — is it punk? It was a tedious question for a tedious time.

Only Dean answered it with dignity. And he did it by invoking (who else?) Santana. “The original punk band,” he declared.

Anyway: “Transdermal Celebration” includes the finest solo of Dean’s life, played on (who else?) Carlos Santana’s guitar.

4. “Buckingham Green” (1997)

Deaner’s greatest riff. A true rock epic. It’s only three minutes and 18 seconds but it feels six times longer, in the best sense.

3. “Baby Bitch” (1994)

Ween does “Idiot Wind.” Or maybe “Idiot Wind” was Bob Dylan inventing Ween 10 years in advance. A song about murdering a guy and then running off with his wife is pretty damn brown. And a song about running into your ex while you’re with your current partner, and the takeaway is “You’re beautiful, I guess,” is pretty damn Dylanesque. If Bob hadn’t put out Time Out Of Mind three years later, “Baby Bitch” would have been the best Dylan song of the ’90s. (Yes, I’m also counting “One Headlight.”)

2. “Mutilated Lips” (1997)

Ween’s “Strawberry Fields Forever.” For all of the talk in this column about Ween’s dexterity with different genres, “Mutilated Lips” sounds like a song only they could have made. Ravishing and gross, profound and preposterous, “Mutilated Lips” is the brown sound at its absolute finest.

1. “Roses Are Free” (1994)

It was a toss up between the top four songs. I moved them around about a dozen times. Right now, I feel confident about this being the top choice. It’s where all the Ween elements come together — you have Prince, you have the psychedelia, you have the bedroom pop feel delivered by a capable rock band, you have music that is super fun and poppy and lyrics that are weird as hell. (After all these years, I’m still trying to wrap my head around “take a wrinkled raisin and do with it what you will.”) When the mighty Boognish appeared before Gene and Dean and instructed them to become Ween, this was the kind of song they were meant to write. “Roses Are Free” is a work of pure craft and demented inspiration and genius songwriting and idiot-savant musicianship. It’s a perfect pop song, and it would cause any Top 40 station that ever dared to play it to instantly implode. It makes me happy when it’s on, and it inspires me to do things that will make me feel sick tomorrow morning. But that’s okay. Because Ween always keeps me coming back for more.

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We Tasted And Ranked 35 Different Cheesecake Factory Dishes, Here’s What To Order

Post author By GoneTrending
Post date August 16, 2024

We Tried 34 Dishes From The Cheesecake(1024x450) — Uproxx

The Cheesecake Factory menu is too big, right? I mean, I get it, variety is the spice of life, blah, blah, blah, but we can all agree that this menu has too much variety? Way too much.

Every time I open the tome that is the Cheesecake Factory menu a moment of panic strikes my soul as I have to quickly scan through 250 dishes (not an exaggeration, the menu literally has more than 250 different options) and decide on which one I want to disappoint me. I say “disappoint,” not because I think the Cheesecake Factory isn’t good — it’s actually better than a lot of giant restaurant chains and everything is scratch-made — but because I can’t help but think of the dish I could’ve ordered instead once mine finally arrives.

Eating at the Cheesecake Factory is an exercise in FOMO. You’re always going to wonder what might have been.

So, in an effort to make the menu a bit more digestible, we’ve taken 35 of the most popular items, tasted them, and ranked them to make navigating the menu a bit easier. 35 might not sound like a lot when you consider the hundreds of options before you but we’ve pulled the most popular dishes from every category on the menu, including every single appetizer.

One day we’ll get the whole 250 down the gullet for one mega-ranking, or, you know… we’ll die. Whatever happens first!

PART I — Completely Skippable:

35. Pretzel Bites With Cheddar Cheese Fondue

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

I wish there was some sort of catch to this dish, but nope, this dish is exactly what it sounds like: balls of soft warm pretzel served with a salty cheddar cheese dip. The pretzels aren’t exactly the most amazing soft pretzel you’ll ever eat either, its standard stuff: buttery, chewy, and lightly dusted with salt.

Now, I may be wrong here but in my experience, I’ve never seen a Cheesecake Factory that wasn’t connected or at the very least in the same marking lot as a mall. Which means you can go to Auntie Anne’s or Wetzel Pretzel and pick up a fresh baked pretzel for a third of the price. So you should do that instead.

The Bottom Line:

Standard pretzel bites. Skip ’em.

34. Quesadilla

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Quesadilla’s are kind of hard to f*ck up, you just need a tortilla, and some cheese. These are a slight step up because they’re fire-grilled, which adds a nice fire-charred top note to this thick Monterey Jack cheese, green onion, and mild chili stuffed quesadilla. The dish is paired with guacamole, salsa, and sour cream for your dipping pleasure.

Having said all that, something about this quesadilla is lacking. The salsa provides no heat, the guacamole is more complicated than it needs to be, and the tortilla is suspiciously thick and bready. No one should come to Cheesecake Factory for authenticity, but there is something so glaringly inauthentic here that it made me crave the real thing from a corner taqueria.

I live in Los Angeles, so quesadillas are abundant, but even if you don’t have a taqueria nearby, we suggest you go to the market, pick up all these ingredients, and make an even better quesadilla at home.

The Bottom Line:

A waste of menu space. If you’re really craving a quesadilla, just make one at home, it’ll be better than this.

33. Warm Crab Dip

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

It’s not that the Warm Crab Dip is bad, it’s just that there are several other shareable seafood dishes to snack on before your main course, and this simple blend of crab, artichokes, and cheese with crostini for dipping feels pretty minor when you compare it to better dishes (Ahi Poike Nachos and Fried Calamari come to mind).

Flavorwise, expect a mix of sweet and creamy notes with a tender texture and a subtle savory finish.

The Bottom Line:

Every other seafood dish on the Cheesecake Factory menu is better than this one. Skip it.

32. Sweet Corn Tamale Cakes

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

This is one of the strangest dishes on the whole menu. It sounds delicious, it looks incredible, seriously the presentation of this dish alone is enough to make me hungry. But it just doesn’t taste great.

The dish is a combination of sweet masa cakes topped with sour cream, salsa verse, and avocado. The cakes themselves are delicious, they’re sweet and have giant corn kernels embedded in them which supply a nice textural element. But altogether, this dish is way too sweet. It’s practically a dessert, but its topped with avocado and tomato, which you know, aren’t exactly dessert-ingredients. Ultimately, I feel like this dish desperately needs meat to make it work.

And don’t even get me started on the salsa verde, which is less like a sauce and more like a gravy. It’s entirely devoid of heat. I wouldn’t even have thought it was salsa it if wasn’t written on the menu.

The Bottom Line

THe presentation is admittedly incredible, but the dish is a mess.

31. Factory Nachos

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

I know, this dish seems like a good idea, but what you’re getting here are glammed-up movie theater nachos. Over a bed of tortilla chips is an impossible-to-share scoop of guacamole, chaotically dispersed red chili sauce, sour cream, pickled jalapeños, green onions, and salsa, with a layer of melted cheese.

The salsa and red chili sauce is incredibly sweet, and like the sweet corn cakes, I think this is a dish that could greatly be improved by the inclusion of meat. Also, what’s up with these nachos not having beans? No beans, no meat, no cilantro, green onions for some reason, who the hell made these nachos? It’s as if this dish was designed by AI.

The Bottom Line

A yassified version of movie theater nachos, yet half as satisfying.

PART II — Good But Forgettable:

30. Hot Spinach and Cheese Dip

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

What I love about this dish are the aromatics. The garlic and shallots give this Spinach and Cheese Dip a mouthwatering aroma and taste great, but the way it stains your palate for the rest of the day is straight-up off-putting. For that reason alone, I’m going to suggest you skip this dish unless you have gum handy.

Palate-staining qualities aside, this dish does instead taste pretty good. The dip is served with a side of fried tortillas and it becomes very easy for one bite to turn to two, then three, then four, and then before you know it, you’ve eaten all of the dish. It’s way too easy to mindlessly eat this dish, and considering its an appetizer, that might ruin the main course.

The Bottom Line:

A slightly elevated cheese dip that is pretty damn good, but is ultimately a real meal spoiler. It’s also too expensive at $20.

29. Pepperoni Flatbread Pizza

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Good but forgettable, this Pepperoni Flatbread is a solid mini personal pizza served on airy, chewy dough, with perfectly crisped pepperoni cups. It’s good, but comes across as boring. I suspect this is on the menu for picky children who the rest of the menu doesn’t appeal to.

Also, you’re at a mall, surely there is another pizza place nearby that’ll allow you to get the real thing, rather than this simplified flatbread version.

The Bottom Line

Why are you ordering pizza at the Cheesecake Factory?

28. Ahi Poke Nachos

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Remember when I said the Factory Nachos were missing meat? Well, the Ahi Poke Nachos fixes that misstep, and the result is a pretty damn good dish.

This dish features a mix of marinated raw Ahi tuna, avocado, green onion (again with the f*cking green onion), chilies, sesame seeds, and crispy wontons drizzled with sriracha aioli. If you can manage to get all of the ingredients on a wonton, you’ll get a perfect bite that combines fresh bright-buttery tuna, pepper and tangy top notes, and a gentle heat that slowly builds on the palate between bites.

The Ahi Poke nachos feature a mix of marinated raw Ahi tuna, avocado, green onion, chiles, sesame seeds, and crispy wontons all drizzled with sriracha aioli. The perfect bite (meaning a bit of everything on the wontons) has a flavor that combines fresh bright-buttery tuna flavor, with added buttery, peppery, and tangy top notes with a gentle heat that builds on the palate.

The only issue is there isn’t enough tuna here to achieve a perfect bite more than a handful of times.

The Bottom Line:

A great-tasting dish that doesn’t provide enough of its star ingredient to be truly satisfying.

27. Thai Lettuce Wraps With Chicken/Avocado

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

This dish is interesting because I think it’s incredibly enjoyable, yet not very satisfying. The ingredients all work, you get tender, slightly sweet charred satay-style chicken strips, bright and sweet carrots, textural bean sprouts and coconut curry noodles, and a great fresh cilantro and cucumber finish. The big buttery leaves of lettuce and cabbage is a nice way to wrap all the ingredients together into one perfect bite.

The trio of sauces, featuring variations on peanut and sweet chili sauce, are great, but there just isn’t enough here to share, which kind of makes it a failed appetizer in our opinion. Even if you were to eat this dish solo, there isn’t enough chicken to sustain the whole dish, leaving you with a bunch of lettuce and sides and no protein by mid-meal.

The Bottom Line:

A good dish, but considering its an appetizer that isn’t easily shareable, we’re going to have to hold that against it.

26. Fettucine Alfredo

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

This is pretty much what you’d expect of restaurant chain Fettucine Alfredo. The sauce is incredibly thick and creamy, the noodles are al dente, giving the dish some bite, and… that’s about everything worth mentioning. You kind of need to add ingredients to make this great, chicken is a smart move, and broccoli and mushrooms would really help take it to the next level. But those are all add-ons, as it comes it leaves a lot to be desired.

The Bottom Line

Better than Olive Garden, but that’s not really saying much.

The Good:

25. Fried Calamari

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

There isn’t much to say about this dish. It’s light, crispy, and has a sweet flavor that pairs excellently with the garlic sauce and cocktail dip it comes with. If you love fried calamari, this dish delivers.

Having said that, I think its merely good, not great, or mind-blowing. It’s certainly not a reason to go to Cheesecake Factory.

The Bottom Line:

If you love calamari, you’ll love this. If you’re lukewarm on it, this isn’t going to change your mind.

24. Buffalo Wings

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Again, these Buffalo Wings are good, but not blind blowing. What you get here are crispy chicken wings tossed in a thick mild buffalo sauce that has a nice tang to it and a bit of sweetness. They aren’t super wet and saucy, so you’re still going to get a lot of crunch from the chicken skin.

I like this dish, but there is a better option on this menu that takes these same flavors and gives you something truly novel. I suggest you order that instead.

The Bottom Line:

Everyone loves wings, but Cheesecake Factory uses this same flavors in a much more novel dish that we’ve ranked higher. So at least consider that one before ordering these.

23. Spicy Tuna

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

The Spicy Tuna offers a perfect bite. There is a lightly fried crispy texture to the rice which pairs excellently with the Ahi tuna, and the light shavings of green onion and mildly spicy ginger drizzle wrap the flavors together nicely.

But there are four pieces to an order, so unless you’re splitting this four ways or you’re incredibly hungry, two to a person just comes across as overwhelming. It’s a small gripe, but that’s what hold the dish back for us a bit.

The Bottom Line:

A deceptively filling dish. It tastes great, but it might ruin your appetite.

22. Chicken Pot Stickers

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

It’s hard to dislike this dish. The Chicken Pot Stickers are pan-fried dumplings with tender succulent chunks of chicken inside, served in a sweet and salty soy ginger glaze with toasted sesame seeds. Every element of this dish works well, but if you’ve ever had dumplings from a real dumpling house, these come across as lacking character.

Because of that, this dish is merely good, but not great.

The Bottom Line:

A tasty yet characterless chicken dumpling.

21. Pasta Da Vinci

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Pasta Da Vinci features sautéed chunks of white meat chicken tossed with mushrooms and onions in an umami-rich Madeira wine sauce served over penne pasta with parmesan cheese. It has this wonderful savory quality that makes your mouth water between bites and the way the onions provide a sweet counterpoint to the deeper richer flavors is wonderfully harmonious.

But Cheesecake Factory simply has better pasta dishes.

The Bottom Line

A delicious umami-rich pasta, but Cheesecake Factory has so many other pasta dishes that are better than this.

20. Miso Salmon

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Looking for the best salmon you’ve ever had from a big chain restaurant? It’s the Miso Salmon. It’s fresh and cuts like butter with the slightest touch of a fork. The salmon features a crispy crust that provides a nice textural element for each bite, with a focused and direct flavor. The salmon is served atop a bed of white rice in a small pool of miso sauce with a side of crispy fresh snow peas that admittedly are more of a garnish than a feature of the dish, but I appreciate the inclusion.

Great flavor aside, the presentation is absolutely beautiful. Having said all that, I think this dish could use some better sides.

The Bottom Line

A great-tasting glazed salmon dish with lackluster sides.

19. Korean Fried Cauliflower

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Vile weed! Just kidding. I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest fan of cauliflower, not because of the way it tastes, but rather just because it’s hard to get excited about this almost flavorless veggie. The good thing about cauliflower though is that it tastes like whatever it’s seasoned with, and in this case, it’s tossed in a spicy Gochujang-based sauce, which makes it taste pretty dan good.

The cauliflower (which are dusted in rice flour, giving the dish some extra crunch) is served with some toasted sesame seeds and green onions. They’re essentially garnishes, but I don’t mind it in this dish because it’s clearly designed to be an appetizer and not a main dish. The dish is also served with a lime wedge, which we suggest you squeeze all over this dish to add a burst of tartness.

If you’re looking for heat, this barely delivers. I’d describe the sauce as mild, with a pronounced sweet top note.

The Bottom Line

It’s fried cauliflower tossed in sauce, if that sounds good to you, this dish delivers. If not, there is no need to order this.

18. Chicken Parm Pizza Style

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

This is a truly bizarre dish, the sort of thing that can only have come from Cheesecake Factory, and because of that, I love it! Let me make one thing clear, despite what the name might suggest, this is not a pizza. It’s a giant piece of white meat chicken that has been flattened out into a disk, coated with bread crumbs, slathered with marinara and melted mozzarella, and topped with chopped angel hair pasta in an alfredo-like cream sauce.

It’s weird and it makes you wonder, how did they make the chicken so wide and round? I find this dish tastes better when you don’t think about that.

I like this dish, weird as it is it doesn’t pretty damn good but it does make me wonder why Cheesecake Factory doesn’t just have chicken parmesan instead of this.

The Bottom Line

Delicious Cheesecake Factory chaos.

17. Oreo Dream Extreme

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Could a cheesecake be too decadent? Because that’s my problem with this one. The Oreo Dream Extreme (come on, “extreme” is right in the name!) features Oreos baked into a cheesecake base with fudge cake layers, Oreo mousse, and milk chocolate icing, resulting in bite after bite of rich chocolate tones with a tangy cheesecake finish and… I’m completely aware that I’m not selling to you the idea that this is somehow a bad thing.

Let me just say that I have a big sweet tooth, and yet I could only get a few bites through this cheesecake before I had to tap out.

The Bottom Line

Order it if you love Oreos. But be warned, this is proof that you can have too much of a good thing.

16. Sourdough/Sweet Wheat Loaf

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Table bread probably shouldn’t count as a dish, but we’re going to go ahead and rank it anyway just so we can say Cheesecake Factory has the best table bread amongst all the big chain restaurants. Yes, that means over Olive Garden and their weird over-hyped bread sticks. At Cheesecake you get a mix of sourdough and sweet oat-encrusted wheat bread which both pair amazingly with butter.

If I had to pick which loaf was better, I’d go with the wheat. It has a sweet earthy flavor with crusty oats. I can’t get enough of this stuff!

The Bottom Line

Eat the table bread. It’s worth the extra carbs.

PART III — The Great:

15. BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Kicking of the “Great” category is the BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad. This salad features fresh avocado, tomatoes, grilled corn, and savory black beans over a bed of romaine lettuce tossed in a sweet BBQ ranch dressing. In addition to the above ingredients, you’ve got cucumber, which adds a nice refreshing top note that cuts through these otherwise heavy flavors, and crispy fried onion rings, which add some nice crunch and a savory edge to the dish.

What makes this salad work is how it’s balanced. The sauce is creamy but the grilled chicken pieces help to emphasize the dish’s savoriness, while the black beans help to balance out the sweetness imparted by the BBQ. It all results in a perfect forkful of flavor, and that is the sign of a great salad.

The Bottom Line

A delicious hearty salad that is perfect for sharing with the table.

14. Roadside Sliders

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

If you’ve ever scanned the Cheesecake Factory and wondered if the big meaty Glam-Burgers were worth ordering, we’re here to tell you that they are. In fact, they might be some of the best chain restaurant burgers ever. If you’re still skeptical, play it safe and order the Roadside Sliders so you can have a little taste of the magic they promise, without it counting as a full meal. It’s a win-win.

These sliders are palm-sized with a savory lacy smash-style patty topped with onions, pickles, ketchip, and lettuce in a buttery lightly toasted bun. You can knock this burger out in two bites, but be warned, once you have one, you’re going to want a second and at that point you are probably better served just ordering a full sized burger.

The Bottom Line:

A perfect little burger bite. It’ll make the case that a full-sized Glam Burger is worth ordering.

13. Fresh Strawberry Cheesecake

This is fairly standard stuff in terms of what you’d expect from a cheesecake, and while it’s not as exciting as the Oreo Extreme, it tastes better, and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. This cheesecake is topped with fresh strawberries glazed in a thick sweet syrup which adds an element of brightness to the supremely rich cake. The graham cracker crust adds notes of nutmeg and cinnamon to this dish, which helps to add some depth and complexity to the rich egg and fresh cheese base.

While this is a basic cheesecake build, it’s tang is incredibly mild, focusing more on rich and sweet flavors than anything else.

The Bottom Line

This cheesecake does not disappoint. Great execution of a classic flavor.

12. Housemade Meatballs

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

Meatballs aren’t the most exciting dish but these are straight up mind-blowing. There are no tricks to this dish, it’s simply three giant meatballs in a tomato sauce topped with ricotta and parmesan and oven-baked basil leaves. It’s pretty standard stuff, build wise, but the flavor is mouthwatering.

The beef is luxurious, thick, and meaty, paired with an umami-rich sauce and served in a mini iron skillet that keeps everything blazing hot. It might seem like a bad appetizer because there are only three meatballs here, so it’s hard to share, but truthfully you only need about half a meatball, they’re so thick, rich, and hearty.

The Bottom Line:

A truly mind-blowing meatball.

11. Buffalo Blasts

Thoughts & Tasting Notes:

One of the things that sets Cheesecake Factory apart from other big chain restaurants is the presentation. They knock it out of the park, even for dishes that don’t taste great. The Buffalo Blasts have the opposite problem. There is no angle or lighting that is going to make this dish look good, but trust me when I tell you that it tastes f*cking incredible.

This dish is a big chicken tender stuffed with cheese and buffalo sauce that is deep fried and served alongside more buffalo sauce and whatever dressing you prefer to pair with buffalo-sauced chicken. Think of this dish like a giant, boneless chicken wing, it has all the buttery tangy goodness you’d expect from buffalo wings with way more meat, and crispiness thanks to the sauce being inside of the fried casing.

The Bottom Line:

A cheese and buffalo sauce-stuffed fried boneless wing. It’s way more delicious than it looks and that description sounds.

10. Bacon-Bacon Burger

A few entries back I said that Cheesecake Factory probably makes the best burgers of any restaurant chain, the Bacon-Bacon burger is why I think that. The bacon on this thing is insane, each strip is thick, perfectly cooked, and crispy. There is still enough fat on it to be flavorful and indulgent, but not so much that its chewy, allowing for a crispy crunch while still providing that savory goodness bacon is beloved for. The ground beef patty is thick, cooked medium, and topped with American and cheddar cheese, which helps to provide the melt that makes American the ideal burger cheese, with all the nutty, complex flavor that cheddar offers.

The flavors are pulled together with a mayo-based special sauce, but honestly, this burger is so full of juicy flavor that it doesn’t need the sauce. You can’t say that about many burgers out there.

The Bottom Line

Hands down the best bacon cheeseburger from any big restaurant chain.

9. Steak Diane

We need to give a round of applause to whoever the hell Diane is, because this steak is amazing. Like the best steaks, its simple, seasoned with a touch of freshly ground black pepper in a mushroom-based wine sauce with some sweet onions. The steak has a ncie chew with a great charred outer that works in perfect hamony with the earthy and floral pepper notes. The sauce helps to ensure that each bite is juicy and tender, while the mashed potatoes that the dish is served with serve as a nice creamy and buttery palate cleanser, which allows you to experience the intensity of that first bite of meat over and over again.

The Bottom Line

A truly great steak and a savory highlight of the menu.

8. Chicken Madeira

A great take on a classic dish,t he CHicken Madeira is a must-order. This dish consists of juicy bites of tender chicken breast, asparagus, and mozzarella cheese smothered in an umami-rich mushroom Madeira sauce with a side of red-skinned mashed potatoes, which serve as a perfect sponge for this rich and decadent sauce.

For best results, toss all the ingredients together.

The Bottom Line

One of the Factory’s greatest chicken dishes.

7. Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich

I find myself often underwhelmed by restaurant chicken sandwiches, compared to the fast food version I feel like there is often too much going on with these sandwiches that ultimately hurt the experience. That’s not the case with this one, this sandwich is f*cking astounding. You have the option of ordering this sandwich with spicy buffalo sauce or chipotle mayo, and both are good, but what will truly blow you away is the chicken.

The breast filet is juicy and tender and melts in your mouth before you even start chewing it, with a flaky and crispy batter that provides a wonderful crunch.

The sandwich is served on a sesame seed brioche bun and topped with melted jack cheese. If you want to take it to the next level, add bacon for more crunch and some smokey sweet notes.

The Bottom Line

One of the best chicken sandwiches I’ve ever eaten, and yes, that includes Popeyes.

PART IV — The Essentials

6. Carrot Cake

I feel like its easy to pass the Carrot Cake without giving it a second though considering this is the “Cheesecake” Factory, but that would be a mistake, because this dish is amazing. It features three layers of cake and cream cheese with chunky walnutes and julienned carrots encrusted into the cake, offering a bite that has more texture than most cakes on the market.

It’s moist without being as rich as cheesecake, but still sweet and decadent, checking all the boxes for a great dessert.

The Bottom Line

I promise you, it’s better than the cheesecake.

5. Fried Macaroni and Cheese

Yes, it’s maybe too high for mac and cheese, but did you see that this dish is fried? That makes it 10x better than your standard mac and cheese! We can all agree that the best macaroni and cheese has that addictive oven-baked cheesy crust, well the Factory elevates that idea by coating balls of creamy mac in crispy bread crumbs. This adds some much needed crunch to the dish, ultimately resulting in a dish with a satisfying mouthfeel that reveals molten melted cheese and pasta with every bite.

The dish is paired with creamy marinara sauce which adds some nice brightness to the dish. I don’t think its needed but it helps the presentation!

The Bottom Line

The greatest mac and cheese you’ll ever have.

4. Egg Roll Sampler

The Egg Roll Sampler is easily the best appetizer on the entire Cheesecake Factory menu. This platter features Avocado, Tex Mex, Cheeseburger, and Chicken Taquito egg rolls, and while there is definitely a hierarchy amongst these options, they all offer a great experience paired with a delicious sauce.

My least favorite is the Cheeseburger, which, as you might imagine, is basically a cheeseburger in the form of an egg roll. It has ground beef and cheese paired with a thousand island-style dipping sauce. It’s surprisingly good but I think every other egg roll is much better.

The Avocado Egg Roll is served with a pesto dipping sauce and features sun-dried tomatoes which adds a salty brightness to the dish. It’s great!

The Chicken Taquito offers a bite-sized chicken enchilada experience and is served with a creamy avocado-based sauce. The flavors are intense and rich, and the chicken is surprisingly juicy.

But my pick for the best is the Tex Mex, which features tender white meat chicken, corn, cilantro, and sundried tomatoes, served with what Cheesecake Factory pretends is salsa. Mild sauce aside, this egg roll is amazing and is an absolute must-taste.

The Bottom Line

Cheesecake Factory’s best appetizer.

3. Godiva Chocolate Brownie Sundae

If you only have room for one dessert, make it the Godiva Chocolate Brownie Sundae. No, it’s not a cheesecake, it’s not even cake, but trust me, nothing beats this dish. It features creamy scoops of vanilla ice cream topped with thick whipped cream and hot fudge, wedged between two dense and chewy Godiva chocolate brownies, topped with toasted almonds.

For the perfect bite, shave off a chunk of the brownie, lit it sit in the hot judge, and then spoon some vanilla and whipped cream on top. The results are mind blowing.

The Bottom Line

Moist, decadent, and refreshing in a way that the best cheesecake just isn’t. Nothing beats ice cream.

2. Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta

Admittedly, this mix of chicken, asparagus, bell peppers, peas, fried tortilla chips, garlic, and onions in a spicy Chipotle parmesan cream sauce sounds all over the place. like a dish that would only be created because of some weird cooking show challenge. But trust me, this dish delivers. Cheesecake Factory is at its best when the foot matches the restaurant’s all-over-the-place architecture, and no dish does that better than this.

The chicken is honey-glazed, giving it a nice sweetness that pairs well with the mild heat and earthy flavor of the chipotle cream sauce. The veggies provide a nice refreshing mix of vegetal flavors that pair really well with the richer earthier flavors of the rest of the dish.

It sounds and looks all over the place, but it delivers visually and on the palate.

The Bottom Line

It’s not spicy, as the name would suggest, but it’s delicious, and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. This dish is pure Cheesecake Factory chaos, and we love it for that.

1. Cajun Jambalaya Pasta

I think the Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta and Cajun Jambalaya are equals, but if I had to pick an absolute essential dish from Cheesecake Factory — and the existence of this article says that I do — then I’m going with the Cajun Jambalaya. This dish offers mouthful after mouthful of intense flavor that’ll quickly have you addicted.

Tasting this dish, I’m getting notes of onion, floral smokey paprika, earthy black pepper, and oregano, with a gentle hint of mild spice from cayenne pepper. Giant chunks of shrimp and chicken breast make this dish extra hearty and the spinach linguine everything sits atop is a nice touch that never feels too heavy. This dish truly delivers a journey of flavors. The shrimp isn’t too fishy, offering a clean and remarkably fresh flavor, with bites of fresh tomato that provide juicy bright bursts to offset this plate’s umami bomb qualities.

An absolute winner. You can eat the whole thing on a bed of rice, but I say give the spinach linguine a try — you won’t be disappointed.

The Bottom Line

Cheesecake Factory’s best pasta and best dish. Period.

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We Ranked Mexican-Style Lagers For The Dog Days Of Summer

Post author By GoneTrending
Post date August 16, 2024

Lone Tree, Cerveceria Colorado/Great Lakes/AleSmith/istock/Uproxx

It doesn’t have to be Cinco de Mayo to enjoy a refreshing, easy-to-drink, Mexican-style lager. There are myriad American-made, Mexican-style lagers just waiting to be paired with yard games, end-of-the-summer beach days, and an afternoon spent sitting in a lawn chair with your feet immersed in the cooling water of a kiddie pool. From coast-to-coast, brewers have crafted countless no-frills, crushable beers that deserve your attention all year long…. Especially in the dog days of August.

Since we’re not in the business of making you do the heavy lifting, we found eight of the best Mexican-style lagers available today. Then we ranked them based on overall flavor and how well they pair with Mexican food. Keep scrolling to see them all.

8. Cerveceria Colorado ¡Venga!

ABV: 4.9%

Average Price: $10 for a six-pack

The Beer:

This 5% ABV lager was crafted to taste like the traditional Mexican lagers we all know and love. Cold fermented with Mexican lager yeast, it’s known for its no-frills, crisp, surprisingly balanced flavor profile. It’s the kind of beer you’ll want to have on hand all year long.

Tasting Notes:

There are a ton of classic Mexican lager aromas on the nose with cereal grain and corn upfront. There are also aromas of citrus peels, freshly cut grass, and gently floral hops. Sipping it reveals more corn sweetness, bready malts, lemon peels, hay, and herbal, floral hops. The finish is crisp and highly crushable.

Bottom Line:

While some authentic Mexican lagers might lean a little watery, Cerveceria Colorado ¡Venga! Is crisp, flavorful, and pairs well with spicy nachos.

7. 21st Amendment El Sully

ABV: 4.8%

Average Price: $11 for a six-pack

The Beer:

21st Amendment El Sully is a 4.8% ABV Mexican-style lager brewed with pilsner malt, flaked maize, Vienna malt, flaked barley, and acidulated malt. It gets its hop presence from the liberal use of US Golding and Magnum hops. The result is an award-winning, sweet, refreshing, clean take on the classic style.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll be greeted with aromas of sweet corn, cereal grains, lemon peels, orchard fruits, and floral hops. Drinking it brings forth notes of cereal grains, corn sweetness, wet grass, hay, honey, lemon zest, and floral, lightly bitter hops. It’s a crisp, refreshing, crushable beer if ever there was one.

Bottom Line:

21st Amendment El Sully isn’t supposed to blow you away with aroma and flavor. But it still manages to have a ton of both. The sweetness and bitterness ratio pairs perfectly with cheesy quesadillas.

6. Ska Mexican Logger

ABV: 5.2%

Average Price: $11.99 for a six-pack

The Beer:

You don’t have to be a lumberjack to enjoy Ska’s take on Mexican lager called Mexican Logger. Brewed with select malts, proprietary yeast, fresh water, and Saaz hops, it’s like a Mexican lager meets a Bohemian pilsner. It’s known for its light, clean, fresh, and very crisp flavor profile.

Tasting Notes:

Complex aromas of yeasty bread, cracker malts, sweet corn, lemon peels, fresh-cut grass, pepper, and floral, herbal hops greet you before your first sip. The palate is loaded with flavors like bready malts, cereal grains, corn, lemon zest, honey, straw, grass, and floral, earthy hops. The finish is spicy, floral, and lightly bitter.

Bottom Line:

This is a very well-rounded take on the style. There’s a perfect balance of malts and hops. Its malty backbone and crisp, floral finish make a great compliment to savory, meat-filled tacos.

5. Great Lakes Mexican Lager With Lime

ABV: 5.4%

Average Price: $10.49 for a six-pack

The Beer:

There’s no confusion about what you’re about to drink when you crack open a can of Great Lakes Mexican Lager With Lime. That’s exactly what it is. Brewed with 2-row base malt, flaked corn, and Mt. Hood hops, it gets a tart, zesty kick from the addition of lime peel and lime puree.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find aromas of sweet corn, pale malts, citric lemon, and floral hops. The palate continues this trend with a ton of corn sweetness, bready malts, grass, honey, lime zest, and floral, earthy hops. It’s a beer for fans of light, crisp beers and lime tartness.

Bottom Line:

This is a classic, no-frills Mexican-style lager. It’s crisp, easy to drink, and has a nice kick of lime. It pairs well with fried fish tacos.

4. Epic Los Locos

ABV: 4.8%

Average Price: $11 for a six-pack

The Beer:

You don’t have to wait until Cinco de Mayo to imbibe this sublimely refreshing take on the classic Mexican-style lager. Brewed with Weyerman pilsner malt, Carapils malt, and yellow corn, it’s hopped with Amarillo hops and flavored with lime juice and sea salt.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is a mix of bready malts, cereal grains, a ton of corn, lime zest, and floral, piney hops. On the palate, you’ll find notes of biscuit malts, cereal grains, sweet corn, grass, honey, lime peels, floral hops, and light salinity. Crisp, citrusy, salty, what’s not to love on a hot day?

Bottom Line:

This Mexican-style beer is already refreshing and flavorful. But the addition of lime and sea salt elevates it to a new level. This crisp, refreshing, salty brew perfectly complements freshly made salsa and chips.

3. Lone Tree Mexican Lager

ABV: 5.3%

Average Price: $10.49 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Lone Tree figured this beer was good enough that it didn’t need a comical or pun-filled name. It was good enough to simply be called Mexican Lager. This 5.3% ABV lager is brewed with malt, hops, water, yeast, and flaked corn. The result is an award-winning, crisp, clean, thirst-quencher of beer.

Tasting Notes:

A nose of cracker-like malts, corn sweetness, orange peels, lemon, pears, black pepper, and floral, piney hops makes for a welcoming start to this beer. The palate is sweet and crisp with notes of freshly baked bread, sweet corn, fresh-cut grass, pepper, orchard fruits, lemongrass, and floral hops. A beer worth trying.

Bottom Line:

The sweet corn, cracker malt backbone citrus peels, and floral hop flavors make for a well-balanced, crushable beer that pairs perfectly with fresh guacamole.

2. AleSmith Clásico

ABV: 5.2%

Average Price: $12.49 for a six-pack

The Beer:

San Diego’s AleSmith is well-known for its IPA prowess, but if you don’t give this Mexican-style lager a shot, you’re missing out. Available year-round, AleSmith Clásico gets its European flavor from the use of Munich and Vienna malts and select hops. The result is a sweet corn-forward, malty, crisp, thirst-quenching beer.

Tasting Notes:

A lot is going on with this beer’s nose. There are scents of sweet corn, bready malts, wet grass, hay, tropical fruits, lemon peel, and floral hops. Sipping it brings forth notes of cereal grains, corn sweetness, fresh bread, grass, honey, bright lemon, orchard fruits, and herbal hops. The finish is a gentle mix of malt sweetness and floral hop bitterness.

Bottom Line:

This beer used to be brewed to pay homage to the band Sublime. You can still enjoy some of their early 90s hits while you sip this balanced, sweet, crisp beer and enjoy a loaded burrito.

1. Hi-Wire Atlántico

ABV: 4.5%

Average Price: $12.49 for a six-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

This sessionable, 4.5% ABV Mexican-style lager was crafted to have authentic aromas and flavors. Brewed with select hops and Pilsner malt, Vienna malt, and flaked maize, it’s known for its corny, sweet, malty backbone, fruity, earthy body, and gently bitter, floral, hoppy finish.

Tasting Notes:

Notable aromas of sweet corn, yeasty bread, cracker malts, lemon peels, orchard fruits, honey, and floral, herbal hops make for a great start to this beer. The palate continues this trend in the best way possible with a ton of bready malt, pilsner malt, sweet corn, citrus peel, fresh-cut grass, and floral, herbal hop flavors. The finish is corny sweet, crisp, and lightly bitter.

Bottom Line:

If you only try one beer from this list, make it this one. In a sea of no-frills Mexican-style lagers, this is one of the most well-balanced we’ve tried. It pairs well with traditional tamales.

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The 10 Best Finished Bourbons Of 2024 (So Far), Ranked

Post author By GoneTrending
Post date August 16, 2024

finished_best(1024x450) — Getty Image/Merle Cooper

Finishing isn’t new in the world of whiskey, but if you look around your local liquor store in 2024, you may notice that there are more finished bourbons than ever before. People are buying finished bourbons like they’re going out of style despite the fact that they’re… clearly not.

Whether established heritage brands like Wild Turkey and Old Forester or nascent names like Bhakta and Bardstown Bourbon Company, most whiskey brands have thrown their hats in the ring to challenge for finished-bourbon supremacy. With that in mind, there’s no time like the present to consider which of these brands has the best new finished bourbon of the year. After all, we’ve just passed the halfway mark of 2024 and are about to enter the fall release schedule, which classic Straight Bourbon Whiskey dominates.

So, before we get into the thick of the traditional bourbon calendar, here are the ten best finished bourbons released in 2024 (so far!).

10. Ezra Brooks Port Cask Finish Bourbon

ABV: 49.5%
Average Price: $32

The Whiskey:

Ezra Brooks is one of the more established names in bourbon, with a history that traces back to its founding in 1957. In 2024, however, this port-finished bourbon represents the newest lineup extension for the respected brand.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Aroma notes of candy cane, rich cherries, warm vanilla, and wood chips greet the nose at first before accents of tobacco leaf and clove enter the fray.

Palate: The ripe cherry note rushes in at first with nectarines and bananas, chocolate chips, and vanilla, painting the palate with a lush layer of sweetness. This whiskey has a lot of grip on the palate, punching well above its weight proof-wise and delivering a sipping experience more in line with whiskey in the 110 range.

Finish: The finish is lingering, marked by vanilla, oak, and milk chocolate. At the very end, this whiskey reintroduces the cherry note found early in each sip. This is surprisingly tasty stuff.

Bottom Line:

While this bottle is a relative bourbon — like the rest of the Ezra Brooks lineup — in a similar fashion, it shouldn’t be mistaken for a bottom-shelf whiskey to overlook. On the contrary, Ezra Brooks’ entire brand portfolio is perhaps best considered an incredible value bourbon, capable of delivering great quality for a wallet-friendly price. This bottle is the brand’s prime example.

9. Blood Oath Pact No. 10

ABV: 49.3%
Average Price: $185

The Whiskey:

Blood Oath is the well-received brainchild of food scientist and Luxco Head Distiller John Rempe. For Pact 10, Rempe, now a decade deep with these releases, utilized a double cask finish with Cabernet Franc barrels and Merlot casks.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The entrancing aroma of black pepper, Brazil nuts, caramel, cumin, duck fat, and clove tumble out of the glass on the first pass — forcing you to sit up and pay attention to each unique layer. After spending some time with the glass before imbibing there’s also a lovely cherry cordial undertone that binds all of those disparate parts.

Palate: This whiskey enters the mouth with a chocolatey kick and an almost chalky texture. A fresh crack of black pepper sits atop the chocolate note to go with some bright apricots, piquant raspberries, and a touch of toffee.

Finish: The finish on this whiskey is surprisingly lengthy, even more so given its proof, as the flavors settle mostly at midpalate and toward the back of the jaw, which makes sitting with each sip all the more delightful.

Bottom Line:

The Blood Oath series has featured a wide array of cask finishing techniques, but the throughline has been a high degree of quality, and Pact 10 easily continues that trend. Fans of previous iterations will find this year’s variation to be more in line with a classic finished bourbon profile, and that’s perfectly fine. John Rempe proves here that he can play the hits as well as anyone.

8. Bhakta 2014 Armagnac Finish Bourbon Whiskey

ABV: 52.7%
Average Price: $149

The Whiskey:

Bhakta’s 99% corn bourbon, aged for 9 years, underwent a 125-day cask-finishing process in the belly of French Oak barrels, which previously held Bhakta’s award-winning 1973 Armagnac vintage.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Brownies and watermelon…do my nostrils deceive me? A fresh inhalation introduces cinnamon and white pepper, while the intriguing watermelon note asserts itself more forcefully on the second pass, along with milk chocolate.

Palate: Chocolate-covered cantaloupe, black pepper, and dates splash over the tongue, seizing its edges as this viscous pour displays some sturdy staying power. There are waves of vanilla, maraschino cherry, and Vermont maple syrup waiting in the wings and undulating under the surface as well.

Finish: This whiskey packs a lengthy finish that gently ripples from the middle of the tongue out to the periphery like a rung bell. The aftershock of a flavor bomb detonated without a hitch.

Bottom Line:

This top ten list is full of incredible whiskey, and the fact that Bhakta 2014 Armangac Finish Bourbon landed at this spot indicates that. This delightfully complex whiskey seamlessly introduces intriguing layers of flavor and coats your tongue without ever becoming muddled or mystifying. A whiskey that dares to be different and yet is instantly recognizable as a liquid indulgence — it’s hard to ask for more than that.

7. Jos. A. Magnus Cigar Blend Batch 208

ABV: 57.76%
Average Price: $190

The Whiskey:

Jos. A Magnus Cigar Blend is the heralded premium expression under industry icon Nancy Fraley’s purview. Eschewing the trend of releasing premium bourbon annually, Cigar Blend is released sporadically in limited batches. Batch 208, nicknamed “Maduro,” was released as part of a series of batches 207-212 earlier this year, which featured a blend of 9-year-old MGP 36% and 21% rye-recipe bourbon, 16-year-old Barton rye-recipe bourbon, and 20-year-old MGP 36% rye bourbon.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The proof is evident on the nose with cherry cola, tobacco leaf, and rich oak tones bursting out of the glass. After a few waves, there are additional notes of organic honey and trail mix, with dried cranberries, mixed nuts, and dark chocolate chunks coming through.

Palate: Brown sugar greets the initial sip as slightly savory tones with nutmeg and barrel char, plus some mocha and dark chocolate. The whiskey has a well-rounded texture, but despite that, it’s worth noting that the proof is a tad distracting on the first pass. Subsequent sips see the alcohol burn dialed down, and once acclimated, those flavors really present themselves well on the palate.

Finish: The finish has a bright cherry, allspice, vanilla flavor that pairs well with a surprising pop of fernet. It lasts for a long time, and even though it’s a bit hot, it’s really quite a pleasant send-off.

Bottom Line:

Jos. A. Magnus Cigar Blend is one of the expressions that helped reinvigorate America’s interest in unique cask-finished whiskeys. It presents the alluring challenge of pairing this bourbon with a fine cigar like you would a well-aged brandy. For the aptly named Maduro batch, I’d highly advise you to accept the challenge.

6. Peerless Rum Barrel Finished Bourbon Whiskey

ABV: 53.5%
Average Price: $149

The Whiskey:

This non-chill filtered, sweet mash barrel-proof bourbon pairs some of Peerless’ finest whiskey with a rum cask finish. With this second batch now under their belt, it looks like we can expect this expression to continue into the future.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The rum is evident in the best way possible, with bananas flambé and brown sugar resting on a bed of dense oak, cooked pear, and candied walnuts.

Palate: Carmelized bananas and custard hit the tongue with gusto on the first sip, along with the walnuts and brown sugar. The liquid has a heavy mouthfeel but couples that with a slick texture that explodes on the back palate, gently spreading up the roof of the mouth with grilled pineapple, joining more vanilla and oak.

Finish: The finish is medium-length, marked by more brown sugar and walnuts, with some black pepper, more muted banana peel, and cinnamon bark rounding things out.

Bottom Line:

Peerless presents: a rum lover’s bourbon. Whereas some brands go too far, allowing the finishing cask to do the heavy lifting while the base spirit is relegated to being background noise, this expression is truly a symphony that shines a light on both the bourbon and the rum. This is easy sipping; an island is not required.

5. Rabbit Hole Mizunara Founder’s Collection 15-Year-Old Kentucky Straight Bourbon Finished In Japanese Oak

ABV: 57.1%
Average Price: $1,500

The Whiskey:

For this decadent exploration of terroir, Rabbit Hole founder Kaveh Zamanian took barrels of his brand’s premium 15-year-old bourbon and finished them for over 11 months in one of the most expensive finishing casks on the market: Japanese Mizunara oak. Due to the limited nature of both the bourbon and the finishing cask, less than 2,200 bottles of this expression were released.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Cedar, butterscotch, and orange blossom waft out of the glass to greet the nostrils when you first go in to nose this whiskey. There’s also a fair bit of leather and, intriguingly, squid ink hiding under those sweet, citrus-forward aromas. The nose is generally restrained in its sweetness, but there are layers to it, with notes of sugar cookies and honey joining allspice and clove.

Palate: The flavor of indulgently rich vanilla cream with orange zest opens the first sip, introducing the palate to an exceptionally slick mouthfeel. As this whiskey transitions toward the middle of the palate, one finds white chocolate, allspice, and apricot.

Finish: Each sip closes with a slightly floral flush, which soon gives way to earthy oak tones, a touch of mint, barrel char, and honey. It pulsates down your chest with a mellow, medium-length finish.

Bottom Line:
Mizunara is prized for its unique flavor profile, and it’s an expensive oak to procure because the trees each barrel is made from must be aged between 200-500 years before being felled. In that sense, while the bourbon in this release is hyper-aged at 15 years old, this is truly a whiskey over 200 years in the making. Give that fact due consideration as you savor every drop of this magnificent release — it’ll be a struggle not to empty the bottle in a far quicker fashion.

4. Seelbach’s Private Reserve Amburana Finished Bourbon Batch 003

ABV: 57.65%
Average Price: $90

The Whiskey:

Seelbach’s Private Reserve springs from the mind of Blake Riber, founder of Seelbach’s, one of the nation’s leading digital distributors of craft spirits. For the third batch of Seelbach’s Private Reserve, the brand has taken a nearly 7-year-old bourbon with 78% corn, 10% rye, and 12% malted barley and finished it in first-use toasted Amburana barrels for a mere eight days.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Cinnamon rolls with vanilla frosting rumble out of the glass, along with the aroma of Brazil nuts, coffee cake, and caramel. Accenting notes of nutmeg, clove, and tobacco leaf also fill the air.

Palate: The flavors on the palate are more delicate and exhibit a finesse that you wouldn’t initially assume from such a forceful nose. The vanilla cream and cinnamon are soft on the palate, and the flavor of almond meat helps to curb the sweetness, which is evident but well executed. There’s a little milk chocolate and apricot on the second pass, which adds depth, as does a fresh sprinkle of clove and cayenne pepper.

Finish: The finish has trace elements of vanilla cream, cinnamon, apricot, and almond, which are evident throughout each sip. Intriguingly, the finish also introduces the flavor of stout beer. It’s medium to long with almost no alcohol punch, which allows you to mine all of the flavors it brings to the table.

Bottom Line:

Bourbon fans have become well-acclimated to Amburana finishes over the past few years. Despite the powerful impact the Brazilian casks can wield on a spirit, some increasingly restrained and nuanced experiments have been hitting the market. Seelbach’s Private Reserve’s third batch is one such example, utilizing the exotic wood sparingly to spectacular results.

3. Old Forester 117 Series: Rum Finish Bourbon

ABV: 47.5%
Average Price: $250

The Whiskey:

Old Forester’s 117 Series first debuted in the spring of 2021 to spotlight some of the distillery’s most exclusive experimental whiskey. For this 2024 iteration, they’ve taken barrels that held rum for at least four years and used them to finish their classic base bourbon for approximately six months. Of note, each bottle in the 117 Series comes in the smaller-than-standard 375ml format.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The aroma of caramelized bananas, chocolate-covered mocha beans, apricots, and citrus tones strut their stuff early on as you nose this whiskey. Additionally, there’s a bright cherry undertone and some palo santo lurking underneath.

Palate: A slick mouthfeel coats your palate almost immediately when you sip this whiskey and introduces milk chocolate and bright cocktail cherry sweetness to go along with flavors like bruised peaches, overripe bananas, and white pepper. The tip of the tongue has a bit of creme brulee sweetness and dark chocolate, and that palo santo aroma from the nose hits the tongue at midpalate, providing momentum from the tip of the tongue to the back of the throat.

Finish: The 117 Series’ Rum Finished Bourbon has a lengthy finish aided by its mouth-coating viscousness. The length of the finish is welcome, and the flavors are all tasty, but the absence of spice is a noticeable, albeit small, knock against it.

Bottom Line:

Tasted in this lineup, Old Forester’s Rum Finished Bourbon proves that it’s just as impressive in an open field as it is against its own. This whiskey ranked high among the best in Old Forester’s brand lineup, and its placement near the top of this list should only serve to solidify it as one of the better bourbon releases of the year.

2. Angel’s Envy Cask Strength Port Finished Bourbon

ABV: 59.9%
Average Price: $310

The Whiskey:

Angel’s Envy Cask Strenght Bourbon, now in its 11th iteration, takes some of the most distinctive barrels in the brand’s portfolio and sees them finished in barrels that previously held port wine for up to 14 months. At full cask-strength, this release and the brand’s cask-strength rye are typically the highest-proofed expressions you can expect from Angel’s Envy each year.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Nutty port tones create the aroma of umami, chilled black cherries, and freshly polished leather on the nose. It immediately comes across as rich and displays a depth of flavor that draws you into the glass, beckoning an initial sip.

Palate: The whiskey is at first demure, and it lures you into exploring further until it bursts unexpectedly at midpalate with rich cherry notes, leather, peanut shell, and chewy ginger cookies. The mouthfeel is dense, allowing all of that flavor to fully blossom on a bed of mature oak, cooked apples, vanilla, and black pepper spice.

Finish: The finish is impressively lengthy, showcasing more of a cherry undertone with dense oak, milk chocolate chips, and clove rising in prominence until it’s all gone.

Bottom Line:

Angel’s Envy Cask Strength is a pricy expression that proves its mettle by plumbing a depth of flavor far beyond the reach of most other bourbons on the market today. By serenading you with a muted siren’s song up front, this whiskey crashes against your palate with syrupy red berries and all of the hallmarks of mature oak, which will leave you floating on waves of lip-smacking flavor.

1. 15 Stars Straight Bourbon Whiskey Finished In Sherry Casks

ABV: 57.5%
Average Price: $180

The Whiskey:

For this award-winning expression, 15 Stars showcases a blend of 18, 13, and 10-year-old straight bourbon whiskeys from Kentucky and Indiana. That bourbon is then finished in sherry casks for an undisclosed period of time.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Rich black cherry tones fuse with figs and brown sugar to create a rich layer of aromas that sit over some slight smokiness and an interesting note of brioche bun. The aroma notes come across as truly decadent, with an alluring depth of flavor that also contains some oily nuttiness and a savoriness along the lines of duck fat.

Palate: In the mouth, the flavor of gooey waves of caramel sauce over vanilla ice cream with Luxardo cherries and a slight bit of peanut brittle will light up your eyes and lead to you eagerly welcoming a second sip. Each layer is dense and well-developed, and once you’ve got that second sip on your palate, the umami, and nutty tones accent the red-berry sweetness and push all of the top notes deeper into your taste buds.

Finish: The finish is only medium-length, and the proof is nearly absent throughout, but the mouthfeel is oily, and the persistent flavor of cherries, caramel, and vanilla hangs on through the end of each sip with salted almonds and nutmeg keeping the balance.

Bottom Line:

15 Stars isn’t really a well-established brand, but for those in the know, this is the expression that put them on the map. If you weren’t previously familiar with this brand, be advised that they have some rock-solid whiskeys all along their core lineup. However, this Sherry Cask Finished Bourbon is far and away the star of the show, and its place on this list is all the proof you need.