The Los Angeles Lakers welcomed fans back to Crypto.com Arena for the start of the NBA’s regular season on Wednesday night when they played host to the Minnesota Timberwolves. The game was notable, as it was the first time LeBron and Bronny James took the floor as NBA teammates together, but we wanted to take some time away from basketball to highlight something: arena food.
Particularly, we wanted to make everyone aware of something that Arash Markazi tweeted about, which is a Doritos restaurant that puts Doritos in every single dish, and doesn’t limit themselves to just doing walking tacos like a minor league baseball game. Mona Holmes of Eater LA provided some additional info about the place on Monday:
On October 11, Crypto.com Arena debuted a restaurant where every dish centers around Doritos. Don’t get too excited, though; Doritos After Dark is only available to ticketholders during scheduled events at the Downtown LA arena and serves Doritos-flavored foods, including ice cream dipped in chocolate and rolled in Doritos Nacho Cheese.
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On November 15, Doritos After Dark will open to the public for free and one night only before Sabrina Carpenter’s Crypto.com Arena performance at Peacock Place adjacent to L.A. Live.
Bare minimum, it seems like a fun idea, and something that I would like to try sometime. Unfortunately, I do not live anywhere near the state of California, so instead, I am doing the next best thing: Going through the menu and ranking the menu options based on how badly I would like to eat them, in the event that opportunity ever arose.
NO RANKING: The drinks
The restaurant has a Doritos Nacho Cheese Michelada, a Flamin’ Hot Limón Mango Chamoyada, and a Doritos Flamin’ Hot Limón Late Night Rita. None of these are food, so I am not including them, but I will say: I can imagine myself really enjoying a sip or two of these. However, whenever I have … not Doritos versions of these drinks (a chamoyada, a michelada, or a spicy margarita), I usually find them to be a bit too much for me about halfway through drinking them, so I assume that would be the case here.
10. Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili Veggie Roll
There is just something about Doritos-inspired sushi that I cannot wrap my head around. If you put all of these ingredients together in a different configuration, I am sure I would like them, but my stupid brain cannot comprehend the words “Doritos-inspired sushi.”
9. Doritos Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch Cali Roll
Same as above, but this one looks a little tastier.
8. Doritos Flamin’ Hot Limón Churros
I love churros (who doesn’t?) and I love this flavor of Doritos, but the whole thing looks like a bit aggressive when you put them together. I’d very much like to try a bite of one, I’m just a touch skeptical of how that would go.
7. Doritos Nacho Cheese Crunchtastic Vanilla Cone
The easiest one to replicate at home by some margin. I think, in general, I would not love to eat an entire vanilla ice cream cone covered in nacho cheese Doritos, but again, I’m open to trying it. The good news is I can experiment with this one at home, although if I’m not a fan of it, I am going to get absolutely cooked by my girlfriend.
6. Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili Ramen-Rito
I feel like this is the menu option I would want the most if I was still in college. Instead, I am a sportswriter in my 30s, so putting all of this into one dish is a lot. Eating this and then having to file a gamer from Crypto.com Arena? No thank you.
5. Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nacho Veggie Dumplings
Personally, I would prefer if these were pork dumplings instead of veggie dumplings, and if that were the case, these would have a real shot at No. 1. Instead, they settle right into a respectable spot in the middle of this list.
4. Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili Chicken Bites
These look pretty good! I am sure they taste exactly how my brain imagines chicken nuggets covered in sweet chili Doritos tastes, and if I found myself on line at this place and I was unsure what I wanted to eat, this seems like a reliable option.
3. Doritos Cool Ranch Loaded Pita
Never before have I eaten a beef gyro and gone “You know what this needs? Cool Ranch Doritos.” Having said that, I completely see the vision, because conceptually, this sounds delightful. Maybe it ends up being too much, but beef gyro with fresh veggies and a creamy sauce getting the crunch and the flavor of, I would argue, the best Dorito flavor works in my head.
2. Doritos Nacho Cheese Messy Taquitos
I absolutely love taquitos. These, in particular, look fantastic, and keeping it simple with the standard Nacho Cheese Doritos works super well for this preparation, especially because there’s apparently a spicy nacho cheese sauce in the dish. If anyone with the Lakers reads this and wants to mail me some frozen Doritos Nacho Cheese Messy Taquitos, shoot me a DM and let’s get to work.
1. Doritos Nacho Cheese Texas-Style Loaded Nachos
I mean, come on, it’s delicious BBQ nachos using Nacho Cheese Doritos. Some people might knock these for having pickles on them, but that helps their case in my eyes. These look delicious, and in a way, no other dish is built around Doritos like this one. As a result, it’s No. 1 on this list, and if I find myself at the arena any time soon, I am going to order these, without any question.