Alton Brown’s Increasingly Unhinged Tweets Perfectly Capture Our Election Anxiety

We’re two days out from election day and we still don’t know who the next president of the United States will be. There are indications that we might know by the end of today… or maybe not until the weekend. No one knows what the hell is going to happen and, frankly, it’s created a lot of stress.

Granted, we always knew that this election was going to be different — with millions of Americans changing their voting habits in response to the COVID-19 pandemic — but we definitely weren’t ready for the stress of having to watch two elderly men slowly box it out over a few thousand votes across Arizona, Nevada, Georgia, and Pennsylvania. That sh*t will exhaust you.

No one in the public eye quite captures the confusion and despair of election week like celebrity chef Alton Brown. Brown’s unique brand of commentary began simply enough, with a tweet that read: “No matter what happens tomorrow, we’ll still have tiny chocolate doughnuts” on the eve of the election. Since that jumping-off point, his tweets have devolved into word salads that are both borderline incomprehensible and also perfectly apt for this strange social/political moment.

Over the past two days, Brown has taken fans on a wild ride — from drinking jaeger in the shower to juicing Slim Jims to a strange tirade about litigation over pineapples.

All we have to say is: we feel for you, Alton. As Kurosawa once said: “In a mad world, only the mad are sane.”