No One Has Been More Productive In Quarantine Than Seth Rogen

A 2019 study from the University of Colorado Boulder looked at the relationship between marijuana usage and exercise habits, and contrary to what you’ve seen in movies, people who get high regularly are not necessarily lazier than those who abstain from the drug. “There’s some really good longitudinal data that shows that long-term cannabis users have lower weight, lower risk of diabetes, better waist-to-hip ratio, and better insulin function,” Angela Bryan, a psychology professor at CU Boulder, told Westword. Long-time weed smokers are also creatively productive, if Seth Rogen is any indication.

The actor, who belongs on the Mount Rushmore of stoners alongside Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, and Rihanna (Cheech and Chong get their own statute), has been impressively productive in quarantine. Meanwhile, my greatest pandemic accomplishment has been beating an eight-year-old video game (The Last of Us, check it out!). Let’s look at some of Rogen’s more enviable achievements since last March.

1. Seth Rogen has gotten very good at making pottery. This is from February 2020:

Solid, not going to lie. But take a look at these babies.

Why am I so proud of him? Rogen got into ceramics because “there’s inherently something meditative about it. I do like tactile things; I like to produce tangible work,” he told the Cut. “With movies, we spend years on them and then they’re very intangible. They don’t have weight, they don’t occupy a physical space. You used to at least get a DVD or a Blu-Ray, and you don’t even really get that anymore. I don’t like to keep my own movie posters around because those are just advertising for the product, not the product itself. I do really like being able to create an artistic expression that is a thing that I can pick up, hold, show to people. It is just so different from what I normally do which has no mass to it.” Speaking of things that you can hold up…

2. Rogen wrote a book! Yearbook is a collection of “true stories that I desperately hope are just funny at worst, and life-changingly amazing at best.” He even got his mom to write the press release. “At first I was worried that Seth was writing a book, because I was like, ‘Oh no! What’s he gonna say?!’ I was actually scared to even read it. But I’m very happy I did,” she said. “Overall, I think it’s more sweet and funny than anything, so I like it, and I’m glad he wrote it, but I’d be even more glad if he called me more.”

She’s already kvetching about why he hasn’t written a second book (I might be basing this on my own Jewish mother). But don’t worry, Mama Rogen, he’s still been busy.

3. Rogen is a first-time author, but he’s a many-time actor, writer, and producer. Since last spring, he’s starred in a movie (American Pickle); executive-produced the most recent seasons of The Boys, Black Monday, and Future Man; and guest-starred on Big Mouth. Rogen has announced numerous upcoming projects, as well, including HBO Max’s Santa, Inc. animated series with Sarah Silverman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Darkwing Duck reboots, the Luca Guadagnino-directed Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood adaptation, and Platonic, an Apple TV+ series co-starring Neighbors buddy Rose Byrne. I would be remiss if I also didn’t mention that one of his old shows (and one of the greatest shows ever), Freaks and Geeks, is “whole again” on Hulu.

4. He’s continued to spread awareness for Alzheimer’s research through HFC, “a national non-profit organization whose mission is to care for families facing this disease, educate young people about living a brain-healthy life, and activate the next generation of Alzheimer’s advocates.” The charity has raised over $13 million since 2012.

5. Rogen is also doing good work by continually dunking on Ted Cruz.

Rogen told the Washington Post that people calling his exchanges with Cruz a “Twitter spat” is “honestly the most annoying thing to me” because “this man is trying to overthrow the United States government… The false equivalency between what I am saying and what he is saying to me is one of the biggest problems in America, to me. The fact that calling out a fascist and being a fascist are put on the same platform or the same plane is incredibly upsetting.” Here’s a helpful way to tell the two apart: the one calling out the fascist is a comedian; the actual fascist only thinks he’s a comedian.

6. Someone made this.

OK, the video is technically from 2019, but I wanted to remind everyone about it.

7. Rogen and Ryan Reynolds asked their fellow Canadians to please stay home.

8. And lastly, a dream came true: Seth Rogen: pot magnate. Following a successful launch in Canada, Houseplant, a cannabis company founded by Rogen and writing partner Evan Goldberg, is coming to America. “Almost ten years [ago], I envisioned having my own weed company. And today I can say that my company Houseplant’s weed will be available in California next week!” he tweeted. “Also, Houseplant is making lovely Housegoods like ashtrays, lighters, and YES, even ceramics.”

He has never looked happier.

Mazel tov to Seth Rogen, mazel tov to America (except Ted Cruz).