Putin Reportedly Fell Down Some Stairs And Pooped All Over Himself, And People Are Losing It

Vladimir Putin has reportedly been feeling more “vulnerable” than ever and afraid that he’ll be killed if Russia loses his war in Ukraine. Meanwhile, rumors of his ailing health (aside from his more frivolous Botox addiction) have ratcheted up while his inner circle reportedly has been maneuvering to line up a successor. The Russian president is a mass murderer, though, so it’s impossible to feel sorry for him on any fronts. That includes the fallout from a new report that details how he apparently pooped himself after slipping on some stairs at home.

Is this true? No one knows for sure since the Kremlin isn’t talking, but as the kids say, this couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. As the New York Post relays, this report sources from a claim on the General SVR Telegram channel, from an ex-Russian spy who purportedly has sources planted within Putin’s security detail. There’s no word if whether Putin’s personal pooper scooper was on the scene since this wasn’t an international incident/scandal, but here’s how this reportedly happened:

The ailing Russian leader allegedly fell down five steps before landing on his coccyx, or tailbone.

Although his security guards immediately rushed to his aid, the impact of the fall caused Putin to “involuntarily defecate” due to “cancer affecting his stomach and bowels,” according to the channel.

The incident is the latest health scare for Putin, who is rumored to suffering from worsening cancer and Parkinson’s disease amid the ongoing war with Ukraine.

The New York Post adds that Putin favors no-slip shoes due to his worries over falling at age 70, but you know… sh*t happens. Who knows if this story is real, or if a stressed-out world simply needs some levity and feels comforted by the prospect of a humiliated Putin covered in poop. Whatever the case, people are running with it. A whole lot of jokes like “Vladimir Pooptin” are flowing on social media.

And again, shit happens.

(Via New York Post)