There never seems to be any downtime when you’re the default parent. You know, the parent that the kids go to first when they want anything, especially food. They’re also the go-to person for school forms and bedtime stories, and the parents that the school reaches out to when a student is sick has to go home.
Some parents are the default because there’s an imbalance in the home, which forces them to assume most of the day-to-day child-rearing responsibilities. In other families, one parent is the default because the other is busy with work or other obligations.
Popular TikTokker Jordan Klein wondered why she becomes overwhelmed halfway through the day while watching her children. “I have three boys, ages 5, 3, and 1, and I continuously lose my sh*t. Sometimes it comes out. Sometimes,” she said in a recent post. “I lose my sh*t right around 2 or 3 p.m. every day without fail. My husband works from home. But he does not lose his sh*t consistently. So, what’s going on?”
To get to the bottom of her situation, she conducted a scientific study where she counted the number of requests she gets from her children on a given day, and the results were unbelievable.
This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5
@jothemama This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5
“I downloaded one of those little counter clicker apps on my phone where I could just push the screen, and it ticks up one number, and I was just gonna hit it every time one of my children …made a request,” Jordan said in her TikTok video.
Just ten minutes after downloading the app, her kids made 86 requests of her. She even didn’t count repeats, and kids love to repeat themselves. “I guarantee you that if I were to ask my husband how many requests a day he gets at work… it’s in the single digits, for sure,” she added.
And they say being a stay-at-home mom isn’t a full-time job! “This validates my burnout, right?” Jordan captioned her post.
“I feel this completely, and point it out often to my husband. Like yall, Dad is RIGHT THERE. Ask him,” CrochetFeen wrote in the comments. “I have 3 kids too and ‘Mom’ is now a triggering word,” Sandra added.
The quasi-scientific experiment gives Jordan some excellent ammunition when talking to her husband about how they divide parenting duties. Even if it doesn’t mean he takes over the default role after work, it at least makes a great case that Jordan deserves more than a few lengthy breaks throughout the day and a few days off every month.
There is only so much stress and mental anguish that parents can take before they are no longer effective and cannot provide a happy and healthy home for their children. When evaluating domestic responsibilities, we often consider having a professional job more stressful than raising children. However, Jordan’s experiment proves that parenting can mean a lot more emotional labor, and families should take a second look at how default parents are valued.