Jesse Watters Claims He’s The Victim Of Vicious Crotch Attack Perpetrated By A Wet Dog Owned By A Subaru-Driving Democrat

Jesse Watters wants everyone to know that he was bitten in the crotch by an alleged Democrat’s dog over the Thanksgiving holiday. During his Monday night show, the Fox News host shared an anecdote about a run-in he had with a woman on a nature trail that apparently ended with Watters taking a bite to the groin and his hand.

“We’re on a tight part of the trail and I notice the dog’s all wet, and she’s like, ‘Oh, this is my dog, you know, kind of wet, he just swam in the pond,’” Watters said via The Daily Beast. “I’m thinking this is kind of crazy. You’re letting your dog swim in a pond—37 degrees in a nature preserve? That’s my first clue. Second clue: the woman’s kind of struggling to hold the dog on the leash.”

That’s when things went south.

“The dog comes by, and I’m trying to back up, just give her a little room. Dog bites me. Twice. Nips my groin and takes a chunk out of my hand,” Watters said before making the camera zoom in on his hand, which had some sort of mark. “Thank God she bit me. She didn’t bite someone litigious like Judge Jeanine [Pirro].”

Naturally, Watters couldn’t resist making the situation yet another example of evil liberals terrorizing their conservative betters.

“I could tell she was a Democrat because when I pulled into the preserve in my car, there was a Subaru Outback. Dead giveaway,” Watters said. “Plus, she didn’t recognize me.”

However, Watters’ latest canine fiasco probably has nothing to do with politics and more to do with the mounting evidence that dogs (like a lot of humans) just don’t like him. A few weeks ago the Fox News personality revealed that he “got rid of” his own dog because it “didn’t work out.” He then refused to elaborate to his co-hosts why he deprived the poor pooch of a home.

(Via The Daily Beast)