Toddlers are built differently. Something about when they take those first trepidatious steps tells them that they no longer need things essential to human life. It also gives them a supersonic ego boost of invincibility, which is a concerning combination given the size of their heads in comparison to their little bodies and not-so-agile reflexes.
One dad has successfully convinced parents on the internet that toddlers must all listen to this completely made up podcast. Tyler Champagne has brought “Toddler Motivational Podcast” to life with one of his recent Instagram posts. In the video, Champagne, dad of a 2-year-old son and newborn daughter, imagines what it would sound like if his toddler had a motivational podcast.
The dad of two is sitting behind a podcast microphone speaking in a hushed voice that’s oddly motivational. Maybe don’t play the video while your littles are in the room—no need to give them any ideas.
“I don’t sleep at night. Sleep is for elderly people, like my parents in their 30s. When I’m sleeping, I’m not causing chaos, right? When I’m awake, I can continuously cause chaos throughout the day. Concentric circumference. Wanna know what I had for breakfast today? I licked one grape. That’s all I need. I don’t eat food. Food is a waste of time. When I’m chewing, when I’m swallowing, not causing chaos, okay?” Champagne says while motivational music plays in the background.
This is probably one of the most accurate portrayals of how it feels having a toddler in the home and parents couldn’t agree more.
“My toddler is getting rowdy listening to this speech,” one person raises a fist.
“How do we all have the same kids,” someone cries.
“My toddler watch[ed] this and screamed ‘that’s right’,” another says.
“Don’t y’all know. 90% of their hydration happens in the bathtub,” a commenter reveals.
Well, it may be a weird coincidence that every parent has the same kid. But it also seems totally plausible that once parents are asleep, some sort of motivational podcast like this comes through their baby monitor. Watch the video below, just make sure your toddler is out of earshot.