Romantic stories often involve people searching for “the one” or their “soulmate” who they fall in love with at first sight because their relationship was just “meant to be.” From a young age, we are sold the idea that the name of the person we’re destined to marry is “written in the stars” and that all we have to do is keep our eyes open and one day, they’ll cross our path.
Then, the only thing left to do is live happily ever after.
However, those who are skeptical about soulmates believe that relationships require work. These people think nothing is meant to be without hard work, couples therapy, and a little luck; even Cinderella and Prince Charming shouldn’t depend on living happily ever after.
So, the question remains: Which relationships end up being more successful? Couples who believe they were “destined” to be together or those who think that “love grows with effort”? Researchers recently studied the topic and published the results in the European Journal of Personality.
“In the case of the present study, our interest was sparked by the robust research finding that, on average, relationship satisfaction declines over time, meaning that for most couples, it gets worse – however, there are always exceptions who manage to maintain or even increase their relationship satisfaction,” Fabian Ganer, a research associate at the University of Basel, said according to Psy Post.
First, the researchers studied a sample of 904 couples who live in Germany, Switzerland and Austria, examining “whether destiny and growth beliefs predict current levels and trajectories of relationship satisfaction across 2 years.” Participants with a “destiny” mindset agreed that a “successful relationship is mostly a matter of finding a compatible partner.” Those with growth beliefs preferred statements such as a “successful relationship is mostly a matter of learning to resolve conflicts with a partner.”
The study’s foundation was the idea that relationship satisfaction declines over time. So, which couples would be happier? Those with a “destiny” or growth mindset?
The initial study found that those who believed they were “meant to be” were happier during the first 2 years of their relationships, and those with a “growth belief” were less satisfied during the same time frame.
However, over time, things change.
“Our results suggested that those with higher destiny beliefs were more satisfied with their relationship at the beginning of the study. Over time, relationship satisfaction decreased on average. However, this decline was weaker for those with stronger growth beliefs,” Gander told The European Journal of Personality blog. The study also found that happier couples were more likely to develop stronger growth beliefs, creating a virtuous cycle that strengthened the relationship.
Ultimately, the study shows that a couple’s perception can help determine their relationship’s success. Relationships tend to become less satisfying over time, so the key is understanding that, much like a garden, they need tending to grow. Sadly, those who believe they are destined to be happy are likelier to follow the path of least resistance, leading to gradual dissatisfaction.
“However, for those who consider ‘love to grow with effort,’ relationship satisfaction goes down less strongly over time and they have better future expectations for their relationship,” Gander told The European Journal of Personality blog.