A viral TikTok video reveals the vast differences in how 2 generations of women view young girls being bullied and it shows how far our culture has come in just a few decades. The video was created by Jackie, a certified spiritual life coach and a narcissistic abuse survivor.
It all started when a young boy at art camp bullied her 8-year-old daughter.
“She shared with me that there’s been a boy at the camp that’s been bullying her all week. So, she said today that he was painting and he had hand paint all over his hands. When the teacher asked him to go to the bathroom to wash his hands, he walked up to my daughter and rubbed his hands all over her hair. He then gave her the loser sign and stuck his tongue out at her,” Jackie shared.
The mom and daughter talked over the situation and everything seemed settled.
@jfabfindingauthenticity Be careful about what nonsense youre conditining your children to accept #abuse #emtoionalabuse #parenting #bullying #generationaltrauma #socialconditioning #stop #patriarchy
Later that day, the daughter shared the incident with her grandmother. “So my mom says, ‘Do you know why he did that?’ And my daughter says, ‘Why?’ And my mom says with a big smile, ‘Because he likes you,” her response set off alarm bells in Jackie’s mind.
“I immediately cut her off. I said, ‘No! We are not teaching my eight-year-old daughter that when a boy treats you like sh*t, it means that he likes you.’ She is not learning that garbage,” Jackie recalled.
The grandmother’s response to the bullying seemed to echo the values of a bygone era when women weren’t encouraged to stand up to abusive men.
Jackie then explained to her daughter why she was the victim of bullying.
“He feels unseen at home in some capacity, and he’s internalized that. He doesn’t like himself very much. So he needs to make other people feel bad about themselves so he feels better,” she continued. “This is the same reason why grown-ups are abusive. They don’t like themselves, and they feel entitled to take it out on you. It’s not because they like you. In fact, it has nothing to do with you,” she concluded.
A young girl crying on the steps outside of school. via Zhivko Minkov/Unsplash
Ashley Patek, an occupational therapist and certified parenting coach, agrees with Jackie’s view, saying, “He just likes you,” sets a dangerous precedent.
“‘Maybe he just likes you’ are dangerous words that seem to condone bullying behavior under the guise of affection,” Patek writes in Generation Mindful. “But let’s be clear here: name-calling, unwanted attention and remarks, violence, harassment, and abuse are not acceptable. If anything it puts young children in a position to think that 1) it is okay to be treated that way or 2) that they deserve to be treated that way. Essentially, it programs them to accept abuse.”
Author and family life expert Lynne Griffin believes it’s important for young boys and girls to develop healthy friendships, which will greatly impact their adult lives. “Encouraging healthy boy/girl friendships is the best way you can teach your child about healthy adult relationships” — including friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, and more,” she wrote in Psychology Today.
Jackie’s caption on the video was a wake-up call for parents to challenge old, dangerous parenting ideas that persist today. “Be careful about what nonsense you’re conditioning your children to accept,” she wrote in the video’s caption.