In the far southern reaches of South America, Patagonia beckons adventurers with its striking landscape. Rugged mountain peaks, deep valley vistas, pristine lakes, virgin forests, coastal cliffs and more combine to make this semi-arid land a paradise for nature lovers and photographers alike.
If you’ve ever seen a photo like this…
Hiking trail at Torres del Paine National Park in PatagoniaLas Torres Patagonia
…and thought, “I have to go see that turquoise water for myself,” now’s your chance. Las Torres Patagonia is offering an all-expense-paid trip (including airfare) for 10 lucky winners to travel to Torres del Paine National Park in Chile and stay at the all-inclusive Las Torres Patagonia hotel for five days.
Las Torres Patagonia’s “10 Volunteers for 10 Days” contest isn’t just a chance to travel to Patagonia for free. It’s also a “voluntourism” opportunity to do some good while you enjoy the scenery by helping rebuild the trail leading to Base Torres in Torres del Paine National Park. Rehabilitating this trail, which has been badly damaged and eroded, will help people experience the park safely while protecting the ecosystem.
“Las Torres Patagonia has a generational commitment to the regeneration and longevity of this beautiful Chilean region,” said Josian Yaksic, CEO of Las Torres Patagonia. “More than ever, it is prudent to acknowledge the changing landscape and take action for its survival. We are thrilled to welcome passionate travelers to not only contribute to the future of one of the most beautiful destinations in the world, but also experience it firsthand through voluntourism.”
HOW TO ENTER THE “10 VOLUNTEERS FOR 10 DAYS” CONTEST:
Before midnight Pacific time on Mar 15th, 2024, share a video (less than two minutes) on Instagram or Facebook describing what sustainability and ecotourism mean to you, or why you believe it is important.
– All video entries must tag @lastorres.patagonia and include the hashtag #PatagoniaVoluntourism.
– The Instagram account or Facebook post must be set to “public.”
– Must be 21 years or older, live in the U.S. or Canada, and be in apt condition to carry out strenuous, hands-on activity.
– Entrants must enter their contact information on the Las Torres website in order to be contacted with a winning announcement.
After March 15th, an expert panel of judges will choose the 10 lucky winners to join the trip, which will be hosted over two sets of dates — five volunteers between April 6 to 11, and five volunteers between April 14 and 19. Las Torres Patagonia will arrange airfare and travel—all the winner has to do is pack!
What exactly will the trip entail? After arriving at Chile’s Puerto Natales Airport, volunteers will begin their journey at Hotel Las Torres, an upscale all-inclusive hotel at the entrance of Torres del Paine National Park. During their five-day trip, travelers will combine trail work, rest and exploration in one of the world’s most impressive environments. Torres del Paine is a UNESCO Biosphere Reserve, aiming to reconcile the conservation of biodiversity with its sustainable use.
With ecotourism and voluntourism on the rise, people have more opportunities than ever to combine their love for exploring our incredible Earth with helping sustain its natural wonders for generations to come. At Torres del Paine, this 10-day volunteer project will contribute to a new era of gentle-grade trails, which will allow more people to enjoy the iconic “three towers” for which the park is named and maintain the ecosystem’s legacy.
Sometimes the best new R&B can be hard to find, but there are plenty of great rhythm-and-blues tunes to get into if you have the time to sift through the hundreds of newly released songs every week. So that R&B heads can focus on listening to what they really love in its true form, we’ll be offering a digest of the best new R&B songs that fans of the genre should hear every Friday.
Since the last update of this weekly R&B column, we’ve received plenty of music and news from the genre’s artists.
Chlöe kicked off a new era with her self-confident single, “FYS” and Tyla starred in a new “Linen Moves” campaign for Gap. Donna Summer’s estate sued Kanye West for interpolating one of the legendary singer’s songs without permission while Khalid teased his new single “Please Don’t Fall In Love With Me. Elsewhere, Summer Walker and Brent Faiyaz joined 21 Savage for performances on SNL
Eric Bellinger — The Rebirth 3: The Party & The Bedroom
In 2014, Eric Bellinger cracked through the mainstream ceiling thanks to “I Don’t Want Her” with Problem from his debut album The Rebirth. A decade later, Bellinger continues The Rebirth series with its third installment The Rebirth 3: The Party & The Bedroom. The double-sided album features 24 tracks in total and features from Mozzy, Sevyn Streeter, K Camp, Ty Dolla $ign, Queen Naija, Ne-Yo, Evoni, BJRNK, Tone Stith, and Zae France.
Ledisi — Good Life
Ledisi extends a long and award-winning career with the release of her 11th album Good Life today. Its thirteen songs deliver guest appearances from Kenny Lattimore and Butcher Brown for a body of work that captures Ledisi’s evolution as a singer. Dripping in soul and profound lyricism, Good Life is a dazzling affair worth a listen.
Jade Novah — Where Have I Been?
Nearly four years to the day since her previous album Stages, Cleveland singer Jade Novah returns with her third album Where Have I Been? A lengthy release at 24 songs, Novah recruits Leslie Odom, Jr., Tabitha Brown, Wayne Brady, Kenyon Dixon, Gail Bean, Tony Baker, and Tarriona “Tank” Bell for “an immersive storytelling concept album that my inner child has been wanting to create since I started my artist journey,” as revealed in an Instagram post.
Dende — Wish You Were Here
Following a stellar 2023 year that featured his Before We Crash EP and his ’95 Civic album, Texas singer Dende keeps the streak hot and alive with his latest EP, Wish You Were Here. Its three tracks are “about being overseas and missing someone I loved while working on something else I love,” Dende said in a press release. “A short story to introduce a much longer one.”
Kenyon Dixon — The R&B You Love: Soul Of The ’70s
LA singer Kenyon Dixon brings his fall 2023 album The R&B You Love — which features the Grammy-nominated “Lucky” — into 2024 thanks to a new deluxe titled The R&B You Love: Soul Of The ’70s. With six songs, four new and two from The R&B You Love, Dixon uses The R&B You Love: Soul Of The ’70s to showcase the ’70s sound that inspired records from The R&B You Love while also delivering new records to fans.
4batz — “Act III: On God ? (She Like)”
Dallas’ 4batz stepped into 2024 with the attention of the world in his hands thanks to the success of his “Act II: Date @ 8.” It racked up millions of streams and even spent some time atop Spotify’s global chart, and now he’s continuing the run with “Act III: On God ? (She Like).” The record tracks the end of a relationship as 4batz voices his frustration and doubts about his ex-lover’s past claims about their love.
Genia — “Know!”
Victorville, California singer Genia takes another step closer to her upcoming project 4PM In The Ville with her new single “Know!” The uptempo record is perfect for the dancefloor as Genia sings about an old flame who wants another chance with her despite all the ways they did her wrong. Though she may not give them a second chance, she loves the feeling of her ex crawling back to her as their faults are clearer than ever.
Pxrry, Jon Vinyl & Tone Stith — “You Don’t Call Me”
Pxrry, Jon Vinyl, and Tone Stith join forces as a trio of rising R&B singers for their new collaboration, “You Don’t Call Me.” The track is a tender and honest release that the trio uses to account for when they realize a past lover has moved on. The consistent phone calls are no more and now they’re just left to wonder where things went wrong and what they could’ve done to keep the relationship from ending.
Asha Imuno — Pins & Needles
Four years after Good News, Moreno Valley, California singer Asha Imuno is back with Pins & Needles. Sixteen tracks appear on the album which also features appearances from Black Party, Tempest, Westside Boogie, Wakai, Rizz Capolatti. “This album is years of my journey, a world intimately crafted by 46 hands, amidst 1000s of hours of exploration with my closest friends in studios, parking lots, restaurants and family homes,” Imuno said about the album in an Instagram post. “The bitter parts, the sugary parts, and everything in between, woven into a 40 minute waveform.”
Honey Bxby — “Touchin’” Feat. Busta Rhymes
Weeks after connecting with Kaliii for a remix, New Jersey singer Honey Bxby calls on Busta Rhymes for another remix of the track. Busta kicks off the track with a smooth-talking verse before Honey Bxby steps in, detailing the first moment two soon-to-be lovers connect. “It was just a flow and I thought of telling a story about having a one-night stand,” Honey Bxby said about the song. “It was about being in the club, seeing a guy, a guy who wants to tap that ass, focused on one night of love.”
Shantel May — “Love it Here” Feat. Lola Brooke
It’s been a while since Toronto singer Shantel May delivered some music, but thankfully, that drought is over as she returns with “Love It Here” with Lola Brooke. Both artists use the songs to flaunt a love deemed perfect by both themselves and their partners.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Wake up, wake up, wake up, it’s the first of the month! It’s also New Music Friday, bringing an assortment of fresh releases from the world of hip-hop. There’s a fascinating variety of new hip-hop today, including the returns of two of rap’s brightest stars, Cardi B and Schoolboy Q.
Cardi might call her new song, “Like That,” a freestyle, but if she wants to call it a single, it’d be perfectly viable in that capacity. After a somewhat mixed reaction to “Bongos,” she goes back to basics, issuing hard-hitting bars to remind listeners why her upcoming album is so highly anticipated.
Another female rapper who made a comeback this week is Rico Nasty, who teamed up once again with German techno producer Boys Noize to announce a new joint EP with the genre-bending “Arintintin.”
And not one to be left out, Sexyy Red joined the rap sisterhood this week to put out her new single “I Might.” Teaming up with R&B standout Summer Walker, Sexyy delivers a hilarious cheating anthem for girls who aren’t afraid to instigate a fight or two.
Here is the best of hip-hop this week ending March 1, 2024.
Albums/EPs/Mixtapes
IAMDDB — Love Is War, Volume 6
IAMDDB
UK rapper IAMDDB has quietly carved a solid career with her alt-indie approach to devil-may-care rhymes and spacey rhythms. While you might see “UK rapper” and go in expecting Little Simz or Stormzy, what you’ll get is a groovy melange of diaspora influences like afrobeats and reggae (which are two different things!) fused with hazy R&B deliveries, jungle beats, and smoked-out raps. The eclectic sounds run the gamut from soul to sugar trap (word to Rico Nasty) anchored by IAMDDB’s unwavering confidence, no matter the supposed genre(s) at play.
Meek MIll — Heathensim
Meek MIll
Meek is taking full advantage of his newfound independence lately. After teaming up with his MMG benefactor Rick Ross for a joint record last year, Meek hits the ground running in 2024, dropping a five-song EP of his signature street-focused tales delivered in that familiar, AK-47 flow. He wisely sticks to well-worn trails both narratively and sonically — aside from one dip into the Jersey Club trend that simply refuses to just die already — but that mostly works for him, and guests Fivio Foreign and Future complement what he does well enough that the EP sets Meek up on the right footing for his next move.
Schoolboy Q — Blue Lips
Schoolboy Q
I feel like I’ve written these words a thousand times this week, but after five years out of the spotlight, Schoolboy Q returns with what might just be his strongest effort since 2014’s Oxymoron. His freewheeling philosophy of rhyme is looser than ever and his beat selection slinks coolly from jazz to blues to menacing hard rock to doo-wop soul — all genres that saturate the streets of his beloved South Central, Los Angeles. The eclectism never lets the album settle, but the twitchy, paranoid pacing suits Q’s Good Life-esque flow and the improvisational sensibility could easily draw comparisons to a prime Miles Davis, whose genre-pushing approach actually set the stage for a lot of the background instrumentation here.
That Mexican OT — Texas Technician
That Mexican OT
That Mexican OT had a breakout 2023, drawing national attention with the seemingly incongruous combination of his unabashed embrace of the cultural artifacts of his heritage (right down to his name) with a barrel-chested, classically Houston rap drawl. Collecting co-signs and collabs from seemingly every noteworthy resident of the Longhorn State, OT’s career super accelerated seemingly overnight. His first effort of 2024 continues the trend; while the first three cuts all try a few new things, OT quickly settles into doing what he does best. The wah-wah guitars and chunky basslines kick in properly on “Wockhardt” with Le$ (fittingly), and from there, it’s just a matter of laying back and enjoying the ride.
Singles/Videos
21 Lil Harold — “Gin & Juice” Feat. BigXthaPlug
BigXthaPlug has been garnering plenty of buzz lately, thanks to the blunt-force delivery of fellow Texas hard hitters like Maxo Kream and Slim Thug. Here, he teams up with rising Atlanta star, who sounds just like his mentor 21 Savage (which isn’t a bad thing at all). That booming Texas drawl threatens to steal the soulful song from under its principal, but Harold wisely cedes the spotlight, making sure to pack all his points into an admirably concise, efficient verse.
Beanz — “Power Trip Freestyle”
The former Rhythm + Flow contestant has been doing a string of freestyles over the last few months, with the latest borrowing the beat from J. Cole’s 2013 single “Power Trip.” It’s a solid showcase of the Reading, Pennsylvania rapper’s skills, which truly deserve more love.
Buddy — “Like This”
My Compton compadre has set himself apart from listeners’ expectations with his commitment to employing jazzy sounds and leaning away from the trappings of the usual “hood” rapper. Now that he’s independent, he can move on his own time, and the benefits are already evident to anyone paying attention. Buddy sounds more focused than ever on his latest, which smoothly evokes his best works, like “Trouble On Central” from Harlan & Alondra.
Kota The Friend — “Milan”
Admittedly, I dropped the ball on Kota’s latest Lyrics To Go installment (Vol. 5), which dropped last week, but fortunately, he dropped this video, giving me an excuse to run it back. If you’ve followed Kota at all over the last few years, you know what to expect: introspective, biographical tunes over mellow beats. Basically, he takes the reputations of precedents like J. Cole and Chance The Rapper, fuses them, and then makes them much more engaging than those stereotypes would have you believe.
Kyle — “Forever & Ever & Ever & Even After That”
Ever since leaving Atlantic a few years ago, Kyle has seemingly had more fun than ever pursuing the freedom to explore sounds outside of his ostensible rap milieu. 2022’s criminally overlooked It’s Not So Bad found him dabbling in forgotten toy boxes like 2-step and garage, and his new single likewise sees him breaking in another new style, drum & bass, throwing in his usual emotionally vulnerable rhymes.
Luh Tyler — “Bad B*tch”
There’s something really charming about the teen dream’s old-school commitment to low-stakes braggadocio. Hip-hop started out when a pack of underaged miscreants gathered to impress each other with hyperbolic tales of their prowess in wooing the opposite sex, so you could draw a straight line between those early street corner ciphers and “Bad B*tch.” But Tyler, please. Take a lesson from Miles Morales: Ditch the mustache.
Skepta & Portable — “Tony Montana”
A little more… uplifting than we might be used to hearing from Skepta, but you know what? It’s got a decent, danceable groove, Portable does his thing, and Skepta sounds energized, even if the rhymes are more straightforward than they’ve been on his classic stuff. I won’t be complaining if any DJs decide to add this to their setlists for Summer 2024.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
A pretty strange controversy broke out earlier this week involving the New York Jets and Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Mecole Hardman. Last March, Hardman joined the Jets as a free agent after spending the first four years of his career in Kansas City. Things didn’t work out especially well, so he got traded back to the Chiefs in October and went on to win the Super Bowl, where he caught the game-winning touchdown in overtime.
Hardman’s time with the Jets was put under a spotlight in recent days. In a deleted tweet, Jets cornerback Sauce Gardner claimed that the team’s offensive gameplan leaked before they played the Philadelphia Eagles. And then, the bombshell, as Connor Hughes of SNY reported that the Jets believe Hardman leaked gameplans on multiple occasions, including the team’s win over the Chiefs.
Yes, I’m told there was validated belief from the #Jets that WR Mecole Hardman, frustrated by his lack-of usage, leaked game plans to the opposition, as implied by several players (Sauce Gardner, Kenny Yeboah) today.
Hardman was moved a few days after New York beat Philly, 20-14, so it’s not hard to put two and two together here. But unsurprisingly, he denies that any of this happened, as Hardman hopped onto Twitter and said the allegations were false.
There were FALSE accusations made about me and MY CHARACTER! To set the record straight, I have never and would never leak gameplans to another team. I have never been a person to give an opponent an upper hand I always want to win no matter the circumstances!!!!!
— Mecole Hardman Jr. (@MecoleHardman4) March 1, 2024
In six games with the Jets, Hardman caught one ball for six yards. His output increased dramatically in Kansas City, as he had 14 receptions for 118 yards in six games.
Jean Smart is a darkly (and gloriously wryly) comedic force to be reckoned with, and Hacks celebrates those abilities like no other show has before. Smart portrays a veteran comedian, Deborah Vance, whose relevance had seen better days at the start of this series, and Hannah Einbinder has broken out as Ava, the other half of the central hate-love dynamic. And yes, Ava can write the jokes for younger generations, but Deborah’s the one who delivers them in Vegas and beyond.
As viewers recall, the pair went through rough-and-tumble times in the first season when Ava violated her NDA agreement and spilled some nightmare details about Deborah. In turn, Deborah dragged Ava through various rounds of purgatory while they toured the U.S. during the second season. From there, Deborah grabbed a chainsaw, which had nothing to do with how the two parted ways. Will they stay apart? Some clues do exist.
Plot
The Max series keeps the synopsis simple while only revealing, “A year after parting, Deborah Vance (Jean Smart) is riding high off the success of her standup special while Ava (Hannah Einbinder) pursues new opportunities back in Los Angeles.” So, at least that condo is getting some use, but what else?
A new trailer shows the former begrudging teammates bumping into each other, and they don’t seem to be mad about it. However, it’s clear that the show aims to shake things up by showing how Ava and Deborah are doing their own things, which is one way to keep a wonderful series from going stale. Ava is also shown in a tryst with an oil heiress portrayed by Christina Hendricks, and Jean Smart revealed that Deborah Vance would be seeing romance as well. Could that be part of what co-showrunner Jen Statsky alluded to while telling Vanity Fair that success isn’t enough for Deborah this season?
“This character is defined by being a dog with a bone,” says Downs. “So very shortly into this season, she finds something else that she’s hungry for. And in a way, it is what drives her this season.”
Adds Statsky, “She finds another goal to work towards that is her hardest challenge yet.” Smart tells me that Deborah’s success “renews her drive—the good parts of that drive and the bad parts of that drive. It ends up revealing things about Deborah that aren’t necessarily the most positive parts of her, and that causes an interesting interaction between her and Ava. I never thought we’d see her in the light that we see her.”
Previously co-showrunner Lucia Aniello let the world know that these two will probably aways need each other more than they’ll ever want to admit, which suggests that no matter what, they will remain the key focus of the story. Aniello also noted that Ava actually kind-of liked being sued by her mentor because it was “a way to see Deborah.” Oh damn.
Cast
The dastardly duo, Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder, return as Deborah and Ava, thank the comedy gods. Paul W. Downs and Megan Stalter have been promoted to regular cast members, and Carl Clemons-Hopkins will continue to steal scenes as Marcus. Additionally, Kaitlin Olsen portrays Deborah’s daughter, and expect to see Kaitlin Olson, Christopher McDonald, Mark Indelicato, and Lorenza Izzo.
Guest stars will be off the hook this season, including not only saucy Christina Hendricks but also Christopher Lloyd, Helen Hunt, George Wallace, and Tony Goldwyn.
Release Date
This irresistible return on May 2 with the rest of the ensemble in tow. Paul W. Downs, Lucia Aniello and Jen Statsky created and act as showrunners, and they have their lean and mean laugh machine down to a virtual science.
The Walking Dead is once again showing that the franchise still has some life in its unkillable corpse. The latest spinoff, The Ones Who Live, racked up huge ratings for AMC during its February 25 premiere. The series officially brings back Andrew Lincoln’s Rick Grimes for an epic story with Danai Gurira’s Michonne set after the events of the flagship series.
According to Deadline, Nielsen reports that The Ones Who Live scored three million viewers after its first three days, which is the “biggest premiere night audience for a new AMC series in six years.” The previous record holder was for The Terror as it coasted on a smooth lead-in from the original Walking Dead series.
Creator Scott Gimple has also hinted that fans can see even more reunions with favorite characters as the spinoff unfolds its tale. That promise seems to be enough of a draw for The Ones Who Live to give AMC a much-needed win.
Here’s the official synopsis:
The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live presents an epic love story of two characters changed by a changed world. Kept apart by distance. By an unstoppable power. By the ghosts of who they were. Rick and Michonne are thrown into another world, built on a war against the dead… And ultimately, a war against the living. Can they find each other and who they were in a place and situation unlike any they’ve ever known before? Are they enemies? Lovers? Victims? Victors? Without each other, are they even alive — or will they find that they, too, are the Walking Dead?
The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live airs new episodes Sunday on AMC.
“Lamb Chop’s Play Along” taught a whole generation so many meaning for things. The little sock puppet taught kids things like manners, kindness and a really annoying song that doesn’t have an ending. It’ll probably be difficult to find a Millennial that doesn’t know “The Song that Doesn’t End” by Shari Lewis who voiced Lamb Chop.
The kids show aired from 1992 to 1997 on PBS, with Shari passing away just a year later. But turns out everyone’s favorite squeaky voiced lamb wasn’t done bringing people joy. Shari’s daughter Mallory Lewis has taken up her mom’s throne as Lamb Chops handler and the internet couldn’t be more thrilled to see the duo.
Mallory has the same fiery red curly hair that her mom did and has brought Lamb Chop, Charley Horse and Hush Puppy back out to play. To the delight of Millennials, the sassy lamb is still just six years old and gets Mallory into some tricky situations when trying to explain things to the puppet.
Mallory, bearing a striking resemblance to her late mother seems to have figured out the art of ventriloquism and brought the puppets back to life. Mallory tells Today.com her mom never “taught me how to do ventriloquism. I never had to learn Lamb Chop’s voice. That was just easy. I mean, you could probably imitate your uncle’s voice or your aunt’s voice because you grow up with it … I had to learn some stage craft issues, but I never had to learn Lamb Chop.”
No one seems to be safe from the feelings of nostalgia that come with hearing that familiar voice combing from the little lamb.
“Anyone else almost 40 and crying over this,” one person writes.
“This is what I needed today. Thank you for giving us all this gift. I know I wasn’t the only one who gasped and smiled!,” another says.
“Seeing an OG Lambchop come to life again brings my heart so much joy. She is one of my earliest childhood character memories,” someone else reveals.
“Oh my God. I had almost forgotten how much Sherry Lewis and Lambchop were such a huge part of my childhood and how much they meant to me until I found this account and this post. Oh no. Oh no. I’ve also simultaneously remembered the song that never ends. Oh no. Oh no and I have to drive several hours with my kids today. Damn. This is gonna be interesting. Nevertheless… Zero regrets,” a commenter remembers.
Mallory has been on the road with Lamb Chop for around 25 years touring the country doing two different shows. “A Lamb Chop Celebration” is a family show while “Lamb Chop Legacy Show” is a more political show for adults, according to Today.com.
Recently the legacy puppeteer discovered TikTok and Instagram is also a place she could perform with the puppets and has amassed a large following. People just can’t help but to smile when Mallory comes across their feed with that familiar little puppet.
Oh, the memories hearing Lamb Chop brings back for people. The comments on each of her videos are filled with people reliving their childhood with Lamb Chop and Shari. So if you were one of those folks that used to sit crosslegged in front of a TV watching “Lamb Chop’s Play Along,” you’ll probably get a touch of joy following Mallory’s account.
There’s no denying that positivity can be powerful. I know when I’m struggling with anxiety and negative thoughts, if I can hold onto an ounce of hope — that I’ll make it through, that I’m not defined by my thoughts, that I’m not as bad as my brain is making me out to be — I can cope a little better.
The positivity we hold within ourselves, when we can manage it, makes it a little easier to get by.
That being said, perhaps counterintuitively, positivity isn’t always the best way to help others. You can’t make someone be positive. You can’t sprinkle positivity dust on them and make their problems go away. And honestly, when people are seeking help and support, they’re usually not looking for straight-up, inspirational poster positivity. More often, they’re looking for validation that their negative feelings are OK.
I’ve always kind of known this but didn’t think about it in a tangible way until I saw a graphic made by Whitney Hawkins Goodman, LMFT, owner of The Collaborative Counseling Center. She runs the Instagram account @sitwithwhit, and after she posted an image explaining “Toxic Positivity,” I started seeing it all over social media.
The graphic shows the difference between supporting someone with validation and hope, and trying to support them with “toxic positivity.” According to Whitney, it’s the difference between, “This is hard… I believe in you,” and, “Just be happy!” If you could never pinpoint why simple “inspiring” quotes didn’t sit well with you, this could be the explanation.
It reminds me of a popular animated video about empathy, which uses the words of Brené Brown. If sympathy is shouting down at someone while they’re stuck in a hole, empathy is getting into the hole with them. If “toxic positivity” is telling someone to just “look at the bright side,” support is putting yourself in someone’s shoes, and accepting their feelings for what they are.
Of course, when we throw around phrases like, “Think positive,” or, “Stop being so negative,” we’re probably coming from a good place. You’re spreading these messages because you want people to be happier, damn it! So what’s wrong with reminding people to be positive?
The hard-to-face truth is, supporting people isn’t about being “positive.” In fact, when you force positivity down someone’s throat, it can actually have the opposite effect. “Toxic positivity” can make people feel unsafe expressing their negativity, and negativity thrives in isolation. It can make people think there’s something wrong with them for not simply “choosing” happiness, and shame is negativity’s enabling best friend.
When we’re supporting someone who’s hurting, we need to leave room for positivity to grow. And you don’t yell at a flower to “just” grow — you water it. In this case, you water it with listening, with validation, and with unconditional support. It’s OK to experience negative emotions, and with support, we can help people who are stuck in negativity find their own way out. Simply telling them to “be positive” doesn’t cut it.
Recently, blogger Jen Hatmaker had a funny conversation with a friend about parenting:
“My girlfriend told me the greatest story. Apparently her 11-year-old also wanted to be a grown up this week and, in fact, not only did he treat his siblings like despised underlings, but when asked what he wanted, he said: ‘I want the authority to be in charge of them and tell them what to do, because they deserve it!’
Well. My girlfriend and her husband are NOT AT ALL MESSING AROUND with parenting. Calmly, evenly, they granted his request to be a grown-up for a week by pulling him out of camp (the underlings still got to go, because they are ‘such children’) and sending him to work ALL DAY EVERY DAY with his dad. He has to get up early and shower and make breakfast for everyone. He has to kiss the underlings before he goes to work and tell them to have a great day and that he loves them. He has to work on a typing project during his office hours. He only gets to eat what his dad eats, because eating like a grown-up is not nearly as fun as eating like a kid.
Want to be an adult? Fine.”
Photo via iStock.
Hatmaker’s post went viral, with thousands of parents chiming in with their own stories of tough love, both giving and receiving.
The responses were hilarious, poignant, and a sign that the next generation is being parented by extremely capable, if not a little bit diabolical, hands.
Here are five of my favorite stories from the comments about parenting-gone-absolutely-right:
1. Jill Duff’s mom used an embarrassing outfit to teach her sister an important lesson:
“My sister was snotty to my Mom. She called her and pretty much demanded, ‘Bring my band uniform to the high school!’ She’s the one who forgot her uniform in the first place. Then she told my Mom ‘Do not come in the school, that would be so EMBARRASSING. Just wait for me by my car.’
So my Mom did just that. She stood by my sister’s car, in the Texas heat, WEARING my sister’s band uniform. All the kids walking out for the day saw it.
Parenting GOLD.“
And Mom was like…
2. Jessica Klick got her sons new shoes … but not the ones they wanted.
“Our 11 and 12 year olds at the time were complaining and whining and being ungrateful, saying how ‘hard their life was.’ For boys, the big thing is wearing those cool Steph Curry shoes and our boys LOVE their Currys!
So after hearing the last complaint my husband went to Walmart to buy white maypop leather shoes (the kind you see in geriatric centers) and high white socks. He brought those bad boys home, set them on the boys’ dresser, and made them wear those things everywhere we went. Those devastated boys told us we were ‘ruining their lives.’
I may or may not have laughed like a little girl when I dropped them off at school and watched them do the walk of shame.“
3. Marisa Rodriguez Byers says she wished her mother was dead. And boy, did she regret it.
“I was a wretched, hormonal teenager. At the age of 13 I told my mom, ‘I wish you were dead!’ And at that moment, she ‘died,’ but to me only. (I had younger sisters).
She completely ignored me, didn’t speak at me, didn’t look at me, wouldn’t cook for me, set my place at the table, wash my clothes, take me to school, NOTHING. After 8 days, I broke down in the middle of the night, went to her room, clutched her tightly while sobbing how sorry I was and how much I loved her and that I would NEVER say those words again. I’m 41 years old now, I have NEVER uttered those words or anything remotely like them after that incident.“
After tough love, you gotta hug it out.
4. Jessica Hill gave her daughter a good scare — and, in turn, a new appreciation.
“I was grocery shopping with my three year old when she decided to start screaming for ice cream. There was no reasoning with her in this hulk-type rage. I swear she had super human strength as I struggled to get her out of the cart full of groceries.
I was completely unaware of the two police officers who were witnessing this wrestling match. She was still hitting, kicking, and screaming when I was stopped by the police officers in the parking lot. They thought I had abducted her. This happened long before we had smart phones full of our children’s photos. They tried questioning her but she was still too busy throwing a fit, so I handed her over. I told them she could ride with them because I really needed a break and they could follow me home to see her birth certificate, baby book, etc. They started chuckling as one officer said, ‘Spoken like a true mom!’ I think they were more relieved than I was when she finally cried out, ‘Mommy?’
The officer handed her back to me while the other went back inside the store to ensure there wasn’t a distraught mother looking for her missing toddler. That evening my daughter told her dad she almost went to jail because she threw a fit, and I let her believe it. She didn’t throw a fit in public again.”
“Uhh, ma’am?”
“I didn’t mean to scare her, so after this experience, I wanted to ensure my daughter had a healthy respect and appreciation for first responders. Today, I’m happy to say she is highly aware and appreciative of the police, firemen, paramedics, and military personnel who serve to protect her.”
5. Erica Goodnight taught her son an incredible lesson that he carries to this day.
“My kid was whining over not having anything to play with. So, without a word, I went to the garage and got a black 50 gallon trash bag and started putting in all the toys that he obviously didn’t even realize were in our home to play with.
I loaded them AND him into the car and we drove to our local homeless shelter and gave every. single. toy. in the bag away. To a child who TRULY had nothing. And you know what? He didn’t even cry. His eyes were opened to the ones who have nothing. He actually enlarged his heart that day. And, we still do it. We still take toys to kids with nothing at least once a year.”
Parent win. Life lesson score.
There’s a fine line between teaching your kids a tough lesson in a funny way and engaging in “humiliation parenting.”
Making children wear a sign that says, “I sneak boys in at 3 a.m. and disrespect my parents and grandparents” or otherwise berating them publicly is a good way to erode trust between the two of you and seriously damage your relationship.
But calling their bluff on a ridiculous demand? Or having a little fun with how you choose to correct their bad attitude? That’s just plain survival.
And that’s what parenting is really all about.
You can read the whole hilarious exchange over on Facebook.
In the meantime, what’s your favorite tough-love story?
The final season of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm continues with a new episode this weekend. In season 12, episode 5, “Fish Stuck,” Larry asks his friends to vouch for his character following an incident at temple, while also trying to help name a baby and worrying about a fish. We’ve all been there.
Curb Your Enthusiasm season 12, episode 5 premieres on HBO and Max this Sunday, March 3, at 10 p.m. EST.
Earlier week, a member of the Curb family passed away. The great Richard Lewis died at 76 years old after suffering a heart attack. “Richard and I were born three days apart in the same hospital and for most of my life he’s been like a brother to me,” Larry David said in a statement about his buddy. “He had that rare combination of being the funniest person and also the sweetest. But today he made me sob, and for that I’ll never forgive him.”
Curb star Cheryl Hines also paid tribute to Lewis. “He would take time to tell the people he loved what they meant to him,” she wrote on X. “In between takes on Curb, he would tell me how special I was to him and how much he loved me. To be loved by Richard Lewis. A true gift. I love you Richard. You will be missed.”
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