It’s fair to say that the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard defamation trial — in which a jury awarded Depp $15 million, later settled down to $1 million — led to a lot of heated and subjective takes. Some of those takes were even reportedly from pro-Depp bots, and as Amber described the experience, she never stood a chance in “a courtroom full of Jack Sparrow fans.”

Amber had originally been sued by Depp for $50 million over a Washington Post online op-ed, in which she never mentioned Depp’s name but identified herself as follows: “[T]wo years ago, I became a public figure representing domestic abuse, and I felt the full force of our culture’s wrath for women who speak out.” Depp’s U.S.-based lawsuit over this op-ed proceeded after his loss in a U.K. libel suit against The Sun; the U.K. court had ruled that the tabloid’s use of the term “wife beater” to describe Depp was “substantially true.”

The subsequent defamation trial devolved into a media circus with accusations involving bodily functions and tons of mudslinging following from supporters of both actors. Even now, to publicly take a side in this saga often invites a pile-on from the other camp. However, The Boys spinoff Gen V isn’t afraid of upsetting anyone.

In this week’s episode, Tek Knight descends upon Godolkin University as part of his true-crime show. He’s hunting for a public-facing answer for why Golden Boy killed himself, and Dean Shetty wonders aloud, “You’re going to blame an innocent student for Luke’s hysteria?”

Tek Knight’s answer: “I’m gonna Johnny Depp someone so hard they’re gonna want to crawl into a hole and die.”

Gen V quickly moved on from that discussion, but it was more than mere shade. The series used “Johnny Depp” as a verb, and people noticed. You can see the clip below.

Amazon’s Gen V streams new episodes on Fridays.

Drake’s new album, For All The Dogs, has arrived at last — and with it comes a whole new batch of caption-ready quotes from one of rap’s preeminent quote writers. However, in the past few years, his propensity for dropping groan-worthy clunkers in addition to relatable gems has grown as well — call it a side-effect of being a proud dad, that Drake’s resistance to dropping dad jokes has eroded away completely.

Most rap punchlines have always been a hairsbreadth away from being the worst kind of stand-up comedian-style puns, with the only difference being how willing they are to “commit to the bit” with their delivery, cadence, intonation, and sheer audacity. Mostly, though, it’s a matter of taste; some listeners love it rappers go for a twisted homonym, while others will wish they had a stack of tomatoes handy for convenient tossing.

Drake’s willingness to make himself the butt of the joke comes with similar risks and rewards — and because he’s Drake, easy target extraordinaire, it often backfires as much as it benefits him. And, the increased casual homophobia on this album aside (we need to talk about this, Drake), For All The Dogs is no exception. With the addition of his son Adonis on one of the tracks, the “dad joke” quality of his worst lines is highlighted even more. Here are some of the best — and worst — examples from the album.

The Best

5. The song: “Daylight”

The line: “She broke up with him and deleted a post / She said she was vegan, she eatin’ a goat”

I’ll admit it’s not GREAT (we’ve heard so many similar lines from so many other rappers at this point). But it’s still pretty funny, despite the lack of originality. Also, for what it’s worth, Drake’s probably the first rapper we’ve heard say something similar that actually has a reasonable claim on the “greatest of all time” title.

4. The song: “Virginia Beach”

The line: “We ain’t even gotta mention that, any n**** try and trouble you / He gon’ find out that it’s on sight like W-W-W”

I like the homophone of “on sight”/”on site,” along with the reminder that once upon a time, we really used to say the “Ws” in web addresses. It’s also nice to see Drake sticking up for a woman instead of nitpicking her for a change.

3. The song: “Slime You Out” Feat. SZA

The line: “This ain’t the littest I could get on you b*tches / Send wires on wires on wires like Idris”

The Wire is one of the top five greatest shows in the history of television. Any and all references to it are automatically bulletproof and unquestionable. I don’t make the rules. Plus, having recently attempted to send a wire transfer recently, I’m in awe of the man’s patience to put up with all the hoops most financial institutions make you jump through just to send one, let alone “wires on wires on wires.”

2. The song: “Amen”

The line: “You my baby, so I gotta put you in the crib / Same neighborhood where Ashton Kutcher live / I’m just doin’ what that punk should have did”

First of all, the set up on this shows more forethought than a lot of the runner-up one-liners that showed impressive wordplay but less than creative construction. But also, I’m just a fan of reminding more people that Punk’d was a thing that happened — and it was glorious. Celebrities take themselves too seriously these days; bring back television that takes the piss out of them every once in a while!

1. The song: “First Person Shooter” Feat. J. Cole

The line: “N****s talkin’ ’bout when this gon’ be repeated / What the f*ck bro? I’m one away from Michael / N****, beat it, n****, beat it”

Look, if you’re going to drive a pop culture reference this far into the dirt, there better at least be a monumental boast behind it. Anticipating surpassing the King of Pop for the most Billboard Hot 100 No. 1 hits in the chart’s 100-year history is one helluva flex.

The Worst

5. The song: “7969 Santa”

The line: “Got you out here movin’ waste like a belt”

Booooo. This is one of the worst not because it’s stretched past its breaking point or awkwardly constructed. It’s just lazy. Drake has done both better and worse than this, and listeners would rather he tried for one or the other than just settling for this middle-of-the-road stinker.

4. The song: “Slime You Out” Feat. SZA

The line: “You got my mind in a terrible place / Whipped and chained you like American slaves”

Come on, man. This one not only makes the same mistake as the one above, it throws in being in absolutely terrible taste. Then, to make matters worse, Drake’s falsetto is sure to set “all the dogs” in your neighborhood howling. It’s almost as bad as his Blackface incident a few years ago, which at least had the benefit of being satirical (poorly executed satire but satire nonetheless).

3. The song: “Members Only”

The line: “Feel like I’m bi ’cause you’re one of the guys, girl”

WOOF. Drake heard the commotion about his “Girls Want Girls” hook from Certified Lover Boy and decided to double down. This one has the added drawback of being crooned in that unique way that Drake draws out his most inane come-ons, making it extra torturous to sit through.

2. The song: “8AM In Charlotte”

The line: “Savage got a green card straight out of the consulate / Where I go, you go, brother, we Yugoslavian”

Give this one credit for being memorable, but in terms of over-the-top puns, this one has more reach than Victor Wembanyama. The only reason it’s not the absolute worst one on the album is because the worst one immediately follows it.

1. The song: “8AM In Charlotte”

The line: “Formal is the dress code, dawg, so many checks owed / I feel Czechoslovakian”

The fact that Drake ends this line by interjecting “what the f*ck” is utterly, head-spinningly appropriate. Drake… what the f*ck, man? He sounds impressed and appalled at the same time, almost like he’s impressed by how appalling the line was when he said it. Meanwhile, listeners are appalled and impressed that he left it in.

It’s a bittersweet day for Sufjan Stevens. The singer’s acclaimed new album, Javelin, is out now, but as he shared on Instagram, it was inspired by his “beloved partner and best friend” Evan Richardson, who died in April.

“JAVELIN is out today. Thank you for listening. I love you,” Stevens wrote. “This album is dedicated to the light of my life, my beloved partner and best friend Evans Richardson, who passed away in April. He was an absolute gem of a person, full of life, love, laughter, curiosity, integrity, and joy. He was one of those rare and beautiful ones you find only once in a lifetime — precious, impeccable, and absolutely exceptional in every way.”

Stevens, who is learning to walk again after being diagnosed with a rare autoimmune condition known as Guillian-Barre Syndrome, ended the post with a message about relationships.

“I know relationships can be very difficult sometimes, but it’s always worth it to put in the hard work and care for the ones you love, especially the beautiful ones, who are few and far between. If you happen to find that kind of love, hold it close, hold it tight, savor it, tend to it, and give it everything you’ve got, especially in times of trouble. Be kind, be strong, be patient, be forgiving, be vigorous, be wise, and be yourself. Live every day as if it is your last, with fullness and grace, with reverence and love, with gratitude and joy. This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Javelin is out today via Asthmatic Kitty.

(Via Instagram)

(WARNING: Spoilers for the most recent Power Book IV: Force episode will be found below.)

The aftermath of Walter Flynn’s death in season two, episode five of Power Book IV: Force is going to affect everyone in the show and episode six, “Here Be The Monsters,” made that explicitly clear. For starters, Vic reaches out to Tommy Egan to make a deal with him and work for CBI under a 60/40 split. This is all while Vic is still working with the feds to take down Tommy and Claudia. Vic seems a bit back and forth on what he wants to do, whether it be work for Tommy and CBI or give up Tommy to the cops, but by the end of the episode he makes his decision clear as he reflects on Gloria’s season one death at the end of the episode.

There are also some big changes in store for CBI. Following the death of their father, Jenard and Diamond are back on good terms with Diamond opening the door for Jenard to return to CBI. Jenard’s return is under the condition that he clean himself up and stay off drugs in order to not hold the group back. So far, Jenard has obliged to that condition, and we see Tommy welcome him back into the group with open arms and a warning that he’ll be kicked out (and worse) if he messes up. That mistake could happen sooner than later as his love interest Shanti wants to use this as an opportunity to take down Tommy. With Jenard’s return, Diamond was able to clear his debt with Miguel but not with the Serbs’ leader Markovich. Tommy tried to convince Markovich, but the Serb leader not only refused but waged war on CBI by attacking the Crimson projects, an area they’ve been trying to take control of for quite some time.

Elsewhere, we also have updates on the new relationships that are forming this season. Diamond continues to train Leon as a boxer and his feelings for Gianna are growing by the second. However, Leon’s father, who is verbally and maybe even physically abusive, takes issue with Diamond’s presence in their family. Tommy and Mireya hit an obstacle in their growing relationship with Mireya growing fearful of Tommy’s safety after her brother Miguel attacks her ex. Luckily for Tommy, he’s able to assure her that he can handle himself and that her worries are not a reason for her to break off their relationship.

Now that this recap is out of the way, let’s dive into the top five Power Players based on what went down in the “Here Be The Monsters” episode.

5. Shanti

Prior to this week’s episode, Shanti seemed only to have some relationship with Jenard as we’d yet to see her interact with Diamond, Tommy, and others from the main cast. It’s clear that she’s rooting for Jenard as both a friend and a romantic partner, and now thanks to this week’s episode, we know that she sees Tommy and Diamond as enemies in the Chicago drug game.

In “Here Be The Monsters,” Shanti makes a deal with Diamond to give up territory and work with CBI in exchange for Jenard getting back in CBI. Diamond agrees to it and so does Tommy after some convincing. What the two don’t know is that Shanti’s offer is all a part of a ploy to get Jenard in a position to take over CBI and take out Tommy once and for all. We’ll have to see if her plan will actually work, but the fact that she was able to convince Diamond to accept and get Jenard to clean up his act so he’d be in a position to accept his CBI role is enough to prove that her power is not small.

4. Mireya

Mireya continues to take a few steps forward in her newfound romance with Tommy, and while that’s a win for her, it’s things outside of it that also prove to be big moments for her this week. In episode five, we see Miguel and an associate attack Kendall, Mireya’s coworker and former love interest, at his home after Miguel saw him grab Mireya’s arm at work. When Mireya learns about the attack this week, she’s able to conclude that Miguel is the person behind and she later confronts him. During this moment, Miguel, a diabetic, is in dire need of insulin, and Mireya refuses to give him his shot in retaliation for what he did to Kendall. He lashes out by saying her career as a nurse is inferior to the family’s drug business which worsens his chances of getting the insulin shot he needs.

In a later scene, we find out that Mireya tried to distance herself from Tommy after Kendall’s attack in fear that the same thing could happen to Tommy if Miguel found out they were dating. Tommy, who is appreciative of her concern, also reminds her that he’s a grown man and can handle her battles. She seems to accept this as she returns to his apartment where they have another night together, a more intimate one, towards the end of the episode. Mireya is fighting for the things she wants and the things she stands for. She’s going to make sure she can keep her nursing career and she’ll continue her romance with Tommy as both make her happy, and for someone outside of the drug world, that’s all that matters.

3. Jenard

The first five episodes in season two of Power Book IV: Force were absolutely tough for Jenard. He endured a harsh split in CBI that left him out on his own to lead a crew, something he wasn’t ready for. Debts to connects caused him to get attacked and have his things stolen. Eventually, he found himself using heroin and heading full steam towards being addicted to it. Miraculously, Jenard was able to bounce back from all of that and find himself back in CBI in this episode. It comes after Diamond extended an olive branch after their dad passed away in last week’s episode. Diamond and Tommy offered him a clean slate in CBI and Jenard jumped at the opportunity to seemingly be in the good graces of past enemies. Though, we’ll have to see how it plays out especially with Shanti in his ear pushing him to take over CBI and eliminate Tommy. Though that would be a very risky and dangerous move, we can celebrate Jenard’s recovery and elevation from down times in the meantime.

2. Tommy

This week’s episode didn’t spend too much time on Tommy in his CBI world, but we do see him make some decent moves in and out of it. He agrees to work with Vic in a new collaboration that’s seemingly beneficial to both sides… for now. Vic’s partnership with Tommy only came after he agreed to help the feds take down Tommy, but even Vic doesn’t seem too willing to do that. So there’s a good chance this turns out to be a successful partnership, but we’ll have to wait and see like everything else here.

Tommy is also able to convince Mireya to put her fears for his safety aside as he’s able to take care of himself. He later admits to possibly loving Mireya during a trippy moment in the episode as Holly from the original Power makes her return as a ghost to remind Tommy about the women in his past who died simply as a result of being around him. Though the correlation may be true, it’s not enough to steer Tommy away from Mireya. Outside of that, Tommy escapes trouble, a shootout from the Serbs, and puts his differences aside with Jenard to accept an apology from him and welcome him back to CBI.

1. Diamond

Diamond reclaims the top spot for having one of this season’s most admirable moments. At this point in the season, Diamond has been teaching Leon, a young kid from the neighborhood, how to defend himself through boxing lessons. However, in episode six, we see that one of Leon’s biggest bullies is his own father. After a boxing lesson, Diamond stops by Leon’s house for a glass of lemonade with Leon and his mother Gianna when Leon’s father comes home furious to see Diamond in his house. Diamond leaves and later learns that Leon’s father is fairly abusive with his son and decides to take matters into his own hands. He meets Leon’s father at the mechanic shop he works at, puts him in a chokehold, and threatens to kill him if he doesn’t leave Leon and Gianna alone.

Elsewhere, Diamond discovers that Jenard has been using heroin, and instead of lashing out at him, Diamond gets him to clean himself up so that he’s ready to rejoin CBI. Diamond then convinces Tommy to let him back into the group thanks to a deal he had with Shanti. From start to finish, Diamond showcases a high level of selflessness and a willingness to help others even when they’ve wronged him, something that is commendable in the drug game especially as others would probably not do the same.

New episodes of ‘Power Book IV: Force’ are available on the STARZ app on Fridays at 12:00 am ET/PT and on the STARZ TV channel at 8:00 pm ET/PT.

The Chicago Bears picked up their first win since Oct. 24, 2022 on Thursday night. Thanks to impressive performances by Justin Fields, D.J. Moore, and the team’s defense, Chicago was able to take down the Washington Commanders, 40-20.

The Bears raced out to a 27-3 halftime lead, which drew the ire of one member of Washington’s new ownership group. In a tweet he posted after the game, Basketball Hall of Fame inductee Magic Johnson called out the team, saying they lacked “intensity or fire” in the first half, “didn’t compete” in the game’s opening half hour, and cost themselves a chance to win by digging too deep of a hole.

Johnson is normally a pretty jovial presence on Twitter, and when he is critical of stuff, he doesn’t always go this far. It says quite a bit about how much that performance irked him, but as it turns out, that sentiment was shared by members of the locker room. Per John Keim of ESPN:

“I’d probably say that’s pretty fair,” Washington receiver Terry McLaurin said.

“Definitely,” defensive end Montez Sweat said. “We came out flat.”

The Commanders will look to bounce back — and, by extension, make Johnson a lot happier — when the team travels to Atlanta to take on the Falcons next week.

The funny thing about love is that the person we fall in love with, more often than not, we run into by accident. Another strange twist is that the love of our life is likely to show up when we least expect it.

The following story, which feels like the promise of a hit rom-com, comes courtesy of a twist of fate created by the World Cup and an Airbnb.

In 2013, after six years of battling an illness, Ana was living in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Having been financially drained by years of being sick, she invested the last of her money to buy two bunk beds and convert one of her bedrooms into an Airbnb for small groups of friends.

The Airbnb was a last-ditch effort to pay her rent and medical bills. A year later, the modest investment grew into a success, Ana’s health began to return, and the World Cup, one of the largest sporting events in the world, was coming to Rio.

To take advantage of the soccer fanatics flocking to the Cidade Maravilhosa (Marvelous City), Ana and her roommate, Fabio, turned a half room in their apartment into an Airbnb rental to give tired soccer fans a place to sleep.

“Though it was a small (pantry!) room, we added a bunk bed and listed two beds on Airbnb. One day after the listing went live, we had tons of requests for ‘Fabio’s Pantry,’” she shared. “It was fully booked for the entire World Cup period except for one week in July.”

Around this time, Ana was feeling well enough to go on her first vacation in years and took a quick trip to Uruguay. Just before she left, Ana received a reservation from a man named “Darko B.” for the only unbooked days in July.

“I have always been a big fan of the movie ‘Donnie Darko’ and thought it was a strange coincidence, but didn’t think anything of it,” Ana wrote. “I accepted the request, let him know I would not be there for check-in and Fabio would care for him until I was back the following week.”

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When Ana returned after her trip, she had no idea that her life would change forever. Upon opening the door to her apartment, there stood Darko, who was so taken by her that he nearly fell over. “I was sure he stumbled because he had sand on his feet and didn’t wash it downstairs as the rules of the building say, and I caught him, lol (everybody does that!). But it wasn’t sand, it was just love at first sight… for him, I was still mad about the imaginary sand,” she joked.

As Ana worked on her business classes and workshops in her apartment, Darko lay around watching TV, barely venturing outside to see the marvels of Rio. Even though Ana told him all the great spots to visit, he was just as happy to hang around and talk to her when she took breaks.

It seemed that all Darko really needed was right there in the Airbnb.

“We chatted about everything in life during my breaks and got more and more connected,” Ana remembers. “We were still keeping a respectful distance because, from my perspective, he was my guest and I wanted him to feel safe.” As the temporary tenant, Darko was in a strange position, too. He was a “strange man” in Ana’s home and didn’t want to be too forward.

Ana believes that because the two kept a safe distance, their feelings had more time to grow. “That distance was the key for our friendship and connection to develop organically,” Ana said.

As Darko’s week-long stay neared its end, the duo decided to catch a sunset at the Arpoador Rocks. It was a mesmerizing evening with a dual spectacle: a breathtaking sunset on one side and the grandest supermoon in three decades on the other. Moved by the magic of Rio and his growing bond with Ana, Darko extended his stay by three months, sidelining his plans to travel across Brazil to watch soccer.

“We had 3 awesome months together exploring Rio,” Ana wrote. “We did not go to the stadium to watch the games live, but we went to ‘watch events’ with friends, traveled to small places around Rio, and stayed in an Airbnb in Ilha Grande.”

Sadly, after 3 months, Darko had to return to Canada for work, and it seemed their blossoming relationship had come to an end. “I thought our journey would be over and we would remain as friends, but we kept in contact every day until he came back 3 months later for another 3 months in Rio together,” Ana wrote.

Three years after Darko fell, or at least stumbled, in love at first sight, the couple was married and recently celebrated their 6th anniversary. All because of a chance Airbnb booking in “Fabio’s Pantry.”

Airbnb brought Ana and Darko together and continues to be a big part of their lives. “We went on a big trip together in 2016/2017 to Southeast Asia, and we stayed in tons of Airbnbs in Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, and Cambodia,” Ana wrote. Her relationship with Airbnb, which started in Rio and moved on to Asia, has now gone worldwide.

“By 2017, I was recovered and traveling the world as a program manager for entrepreneurship programs. I had projects (and Airbnbs!) in Brazil, Guatemala, Panama, USA and East Canada (New Brunswick) and luggage all over the world,” Ana wrote.

In 2018, Darko took Ana to his birthplace, the former Yugoslavia, which is now Bosnia, and they visited Rovinj by the sea, a place Darko fondly regards as paradise. Naturally, they used Airbnb during their trip, extending their stay across various Croatian cities.

Darko and Ana’s story is a beautiful example of serendipity’s role in people’s lives. The right people found each other in the perfect place and had all the time in the world. Nice job, Airbnb. If any aspiring screenwriters read this, “Fabio’s Pantry” is a great name for the film adaptation.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – Need to see him punch a bee

One of the many things I appreciate about Jason Statham is how many of his movies tell you exactly what his character is doing right in the title. So, like, in The Transporter he is transporting. In Spy, he plays a spy. And in The Mechanic, he’s an assassin, which is apparently what some assassins call their work. (I also appreciate that I learn exciting new things like this from his movies.) And I am pleased to announce that this trend will continue with his next movie, The Beekeeper, from Suicide Squad director David Ayer.

There’s a new trailer for the movie out this week, and I swear I am going to post it here in a second, but first, look at some of these descriptions of this movie the various trade publications have used since it was first announced a year or two ago.

Statham stars as a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as “Beekeepers.” He single-handedly takes on a sinister organization that wronged a friend in a series of violent encounters that end up having national stakes.

God yes.

The film will chart the story of how one man’s brutal campaign for vengeance takes on national stakes after he is revealed to be a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as the ‘Beekeepers’.

Straight into my veins, please.

The Bee Keeper is a lightning-paced thriller deeply steeped in the mythology of Bee Keeping.

DEEPLY STEEPED IN THE MYTHOLOGY OF BEE-KEEPING

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

ACTUALLY, I DON’T CARE

JUST GIVE IT TO ME

This was already my favorite movie ever made before I saw a single second of the actual action. But yes, I will post the trailer now, and yes, it does nothing to dissuade me from that bold statement.

Okay, here’s what we have going on in this trailer, as far as I can tell. Jason Statham plays a literal and figurative beekeeper — like, he keeps bees, but he’s also a member of a secretive society known as Beekeepers who step in where laws fall short — who goes on the warpath after a woman who cares for him very much (played by Phylicia Rashad!!!) commits suicide after getting scammed out of her life savings by a shady criminal organization led by Jeremy Irons. You should see how excited I am after typing that out. I’m practically floating.

It gets better. The trailer is littered with scenes where Statham beats up 8-10 people at once and some of the best dialogue you will ever see. In addition to classics like “You’re telling me one man did this?” and “We have to kill him before he kills his way to the top,” which is maybe the most Jason Statham Movie Quote ever committed to film, we also have all of these. Words alone can’t do them justice. I made screencaps.

Yes.

YES

OH MY GOD

GET IT???

BECAUSE HE’S A BEEKEEPER

AND HE’S USING HONEY AS A WEAPON

YES

I am absolutely renting out an entire movie theater when this comes out. You can come to. We can all show up in beekeeper hoods and make it a whole thing. Let’s make it the biggest movie of the year. Let’s force their hand and squeeze a dozen sequels out of this. Let’s make it the next John Wick but with Statham and bees. I am not joking.

It’s important to support cinematic excellence. We owe it to ourselves as a society.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – The Morning Show continues to amaze

Reasonable arguments can be made that The Morning Show is my favorite television show, which is a pretty wild thing to say when you factor in the thing where I don’t even watch it. I tried, way back in the first season, but I couldn’t get into the experience as a viewer. It was just too… much, which I realize is pretty rich coming from me right after I posted a million screencaps from a movie where Jason Statham keeps bees. But still. We talked about all of this the other week when we discussed how Jon Hamm is in the new season as a handsome tech bro who is obsessed with space, kind of like if Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos, you know, looked like Jon Hamm, and how I’ve been consuming the show entirely by watching the brief moments he is on the screen and reading the episode summaries, which are kind of hilarious without context. The important thing here is that Jon Hamm and Reese Witherspoon got in a big rocket and went to space already this season.

Which brings me to this week’s episode, which I have not seen and probably will never see, but which sounds truly incredible. The only real backstory you need here is as follows:

• Reese’s character, an anchor of the titular morning show, has been keeping a big secret with her boss, one so big that they were prepared to pay hackers $50 million to keep them from disclosing it
• This season takes place in 2021
• WE ARE DOING THE INSURRECTION

Look at these maniacs. From a write-up in the Hollywood Reporter:

Well, “Love Island” answered the mystery when it revealed that Bradley, after breaking up with Laura (Julianna Margulies) and leaving their quarantine hub in Montana, goes to cover what would become the Jan. 6 insurrection in Washington, D.C. And while running through the halls of the U.S. Capitol to capture riot footage with her iPhone, her camera zooms in on a familiar face: Her brother, Hal (Joe Tippett), whom she unintentionally records assaulting a police officer during the riot.

Bradley, distraught over the discovery, decides to delete the footage of her brother’s assault and omit it from her reporting on the insurrection. Torn between her career as a journalist and her empathy for her only surviving family member after just losing their mother to COVID-19, Bradley chooses her brother.

Do you see what I mean here? About this show being just a blast to follow as a casual observer from a safe distance? Go read those two paragraphs again. Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, who just went to space with Don Draper from Mad Men, caught her brother doing violence to a cop during the actual insurrection and chose to sit on the story — journalism be damned — because she was still grieving the loss of her mother during the pandemic.

That’s incredible. And it’s a good reminder of just how wild the last few years have been in real life. But mostly it’s just wild. I can’t wait to read every recap of what happens next. I hope Jon Hamm buys a social media site. I hope Jennifer Aniston interviews Trump and he’s played by Paul Giamatti in a floppy blond wig. I hope everyone gets trapped on the Ever Given for a week in the Suez Canal and gets really into Wordle. The best part is that none of these are out of the question.

Just a remarkable show.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Rez Dogs was so good

Speaking of remarkable shows…

Actually, no. That’s not fair. I can’t use the same word to describe The Morning Show, a messy but star-studded nostalgia hour, and Reservation Dogs, a legitimately good show that just wrapped up its three-season run. I wrote about Rez Dogs and why it was so special last week so we don’t have to get into it all again, but I did want to highlight something its creator Sterlin Harjo said in a recent interview. The whole thing is worth a read, if only because the guy brings such a cool outsider perspective to the making of a television show, but this part about the universality of death and how it connects people really jumped out to me.

I remember when she passed away, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, “Wow, we don’t have her anymore to do this. The person that took care of us is gone now.” At her house, after she passed with all of her grandkids and cousins, aunts and uncles, we were eating and I was looking around. All of her granddaughters, without missing a beat, we’re doing exactly what she did.

Every time we lost somebody, they were taking care of everyone. They were making sure you were fed. They were cooking. They were making sure that you felt the love, and they didn’t have to be taught that. They just saw that experience their whole life, and they knew exactly what they needed to do now. I think that a lot of that just comes from being from such a tight, large community. But all of this is a really beautiful thing, and I wanted to show that in this show.

The best part about this is that Rez Dogs, in addition to being all the things he said there and a show that made me cry multiple times in its final season, was still, for the most part, a silly comedy. It was just so good.

Please go watch Rez Dogs if you haven’t yet. I am rarely serious in this column — or, like, ever, for better and worse — but I do mean this: This show was one of the best and funniest and most touching things I’ve ever seen on television. I cannot imagine a world where you read and enjoy the things I write and do not also like this show. Watch it. For both of us.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Only Murders in the Building is a nice fuzzy blanket

Three things are true here…

THING NUMBER ONE: Only Murders in the Building ended its third season this week on a fun little cliffhanger I will not spoil

THING NUMBER TWO: The always-terrific Brian Phillips wrote a fun and insightful piece at The Ringer about the show and how fun it is that this series about three weirdos who are obsessed with the numerous murders that happen inside their luxurious Manhattan apartment building is also a cozy little relaxing watch, like the television equivalent of a warm blanket and a cup of hot tea

THING NUMBER THREE: It’s a little frustrating to know that my peak out here is “second best Brian at writing about pop culture on the internet,” but I am trying to deal with it in a mature and healthy wNO YOU SHUT UP LOSERS

… Uh, sorry. I did say I was trying. Anyway, here’s a good bit from the very good article you should go read.

In this sense, Only Murders belongs to the crime subgenre known as the cozy mystery: stories that use violent death, somewhat counterintuitively, to reassure their audiences that the world is a fundamentally nice place to be. Short, Gomez, and Martin are the urban American heirs to a long line of amateur sleuths in quaint English villages: your Miss Marples, your murder-solving vicars, your inquisitive librarians who are never late for tea. Like other cozy mysteries, Only Murders depicts an idealized landscape, but where the English version tends to show us a pastoral world of rosebushes and thatched cottages, Hulu gives us an aspirational, faintly literary New York, an even sweeter version of Wes Anderson’s vision of the city in The Royal Tenenbaums. It’s a world of uniformed doormen, courtyards with fountains, antique theaters with comical ghosts. The neighbors are grouchy but charming; the bassoonist practicing nearby is first chair at the symphony. (She’s also a murderer, but leave that to the side.) Even the show’s title is rendered in a typeface clearly meant to evoke The New Yorker. And sure, that’s partly the show’s way of flashing a Bat-Signal to its desired demographic, but it’s also a legitimate piece of world-building, a way of conjuring the sort of romanticized domesticity on which the cozy mystery depends.

Okay, three more true things…

THING NUMBER ONE: Everything the other Brian says here is true and correct, and extends to the show’s ability to land perfect big-name guest stars, which we talked about the other week when I wrote about how much fun it looked like everyone was having while they were making it

THING NUMBER TWO: You have not seen acting until you have seen a fasting and sugar-crazed Paul Rudd annihilate a cookie in his dressing room, and yes, I will post a GIF, but no, it does not do it justice

THING NUMBER THREE: Between this show and The Afterparty on Apple TV, we are really in a golden age of silly little comedies about murder and I am really enjoying all of it very much.

Good chat. I suspect I will have more to say about this show next week. Stay tuned. And watch the finale so we are all on the same page. I am giving you lots of extra homework in this column today. I apologize but it’s for your own good. I may be tough but at least I am fair.

(I am neither of those things.)

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – This is my favorite television show now

I can’t improve on this video so let’s go straight to the bullet points:

• This is a TikTok by Martin Scorsese’s 23-year-old daughter where she quizzes the legendary director on his knowledge of modern slang
• It is honestly adorable, both for its content and for the fact that Martin Scorsese is willing to let himself look silly on TikTok to make his daughter happy
• I would watch an entire show where children and/or grandchild quiz their famous older relatives about things currently happening in pop culture

If Killers of the Flower Moon is half as good as this it will be the best movie Scorsese has ever made.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Jeremy:

I am sure that you’ve watched the newest season of “Welcome to Wrexham”, and picked up on this: “King Charles was ‘very pleased with himself’ after cracking a joke with Rob McElhenney.”

My question- is there any chance he actually has watched “It’s Always Sunny”? Maybe he is a big fan. Maybe he asked his staff to make him a Rum Ham, or hums “Dayman” to himself under his breath while signing important documents, etc. I love the idea of him and Camilla cackling in their weird royal accents while Danny DeVito wriggles naked and sweaty out of a couch. I can imagine you of all people can imagine better scenarios (Kitton Mittons for the Queen’s corgis???). That show rules.

This is just a really good email. One of the best I’ve ever gotten. I’ve spent probably… I don’t know, five or six hours since I received it getting a real good mental image of Charles watching Always Sunny. My current favorite aspect of this visual is him calling Meghan Markle at like midnight, three hours into a binge on Hulu, to tell her she should try to get a role on the show as she rolls her eyes and does that “blah blah blah” gesture you do with your hand when someone is blabbering on and on when you’re on the phone with them. It’s fun.

Also, please take a few minutes this weekend and think about the King of England watching Charlie Day kill rats with a stick in a dingy Philadelphia bar, and then think about whether he thinks that’s what all bars in Philadelphia are actually like. I need him to agree to a wide-ranging interview about this. Preferably with me.

Thank you for this gift, Jeremy. I will cherish it through the weekend.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Philadelphia!

A fishy situation unfolded in North Philadelphia Wednesday thanks to some shellfish thieves!

SHELLFISH THIEVES

The early morning theft ended with 184 cases of crab clusters valued at $73,000 being stolen from the back of a tractor-trailer, according to officials.

Police say they were met with several fleeing vehicles when they arrived at the 1800 block of Germantown Avenue around 1:45 a.m.

Lots to like here but my current favorite thing is the vivid image I have in my head of dozens of neon Hondas racing away from an organized crab heist like a scene from 2 Fast 2 Furious. Yes, Ludacris has a big pile of crab legs in the passenger seat.

An open tractor-trailer was then discovered with its driver asleep in the front.

Officers woke the driver, and informed him that trailer was broken into.

God, I love this guy. Just sleeping in the cabin of his crab truck while thieves make off with $75k worth of high-end shellfish they presumably have a plan for. Good for him.

The driver told police he didn’t hear or see anyone take the items, and that the container was locked with a metal seal and padlock.

Two notes here, once again via bullet point:

• I need this to be a movie or television show at some point in the next 18-24 months
• I need Statham to play the truck driver and I need him to hunt down the thieves

Call it The Crabman and get it in theaters as soon as possible. Thank you.

In the grand scheme of things, there are some good things that come out of TikTok. There are some very bad things, though, like spontaneous dance trends and that annoying voice that makes everyone sound like a cartoon character on Looney Tunes. So you really have to comb through the bad to find the gems, and that includes having to listen to Martin Scorsese use the weird little cartoon voice to explain how The King of Comedy was overlooked.

Gen Z’s next great director, Martin Scorsese’s daughter Francesca, was giving her father a lesson in internet slang in which she would say various terms that he would have to describe. He perfectly described “Tea” and “The Ick” but he was a little stuck on “Slept On.” In order to put it into perspective, Francesca described Scorsese’s 1983 crime film The King of Comedy as an example. Of course, this got him to understand it perfectly.

“People hated it when it came out. It was the flop of the year, that’s what it was called,” the director explained before he began to call out some people. “On Entertainment Tonight. New Year’s Eve. ’83 to ’84. It’s okay. It’s alright.” He pretended not to look so disappointed, but you could see the pain in his eyes. Maybe Robert De Niro should try this challenge next.

The King Of Comedy starring De Niro, was a black comedy/drama film that was honestly ahead of its time, so it is not that weird that people didn’t get it yet. Humor wasn’t fully invented until the 90s anyway, so he shouldn’t feel too bad. Ultimately, Scorsese kinda aced the slang test. He knew what “Hits Different” meant, and sorta understands what “Ate” means. The man is 80 years old and he hangs out with Timothee Chalamet enough to know the deal.

In August, Bruce Springsteen And The E Street Band postponed their Philadelphia tour dates due to Springsteen “taking ill.” However, last month, it was announced that they were postponing the entire tour to 2024. A statement said the rocker was “being treated for symptoms of peptic ulcer disease.”

Luckily, the tour dates have now officially been rescheduled to next year, kicking off on March 19 in Phoenix, Arizona and ending on September 13 in Baltimore, Maryland. It sounds like Springsteen is doing much better; upon announcing that they were rescheduling the dates, Springsteen said in a statement, “Thanks to all my friends and fans for your good wishes, encouragement and support,” he said. “I’m on the mend and can’t wait to see you all next year.”

Find the rescheduled tour dates below.

03/19/2024 — Phoenix, AZ @ Footprint Center
03/25/2024 — San Diego, CA @ Pechanga Arena
03/28/2024 — San Francisco, CA @ Chase Center
03/31/2024 — San Francisco, CA @ Chase Center
04/04/2024 — Inglewood, CA @ Kia Forum
04/07/2024 — Inglewood, CA @ Kia Forum
04/12/2024 — Uncasville, CT @ Mohegan Sun Arena
04/15/2024 — Albany, NY @ MVP Arena
04/18/2024 — Syracuse, NY @ JMA Wireless Dome
04/21/2024 — Columbus, OH @ Nationwide Arena
08/15/2024 — Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena
08/18/2024 — Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena
08/21/2024 — Philadelphia, PA @ Citizens Bank Park
08/23/2024 — Philadelphia, PA @ Citizens Bank Park
09/07/2024 — Washington, D.C. @ Nationals Park
09/13/2024 — Baltimore, MD @ Oriole Park at Camden Yards

Delays be damned, Drake’s long-awaited album For All The Dogs has finally seen the light of day. The “Slime You Out” rapper brought out the big guns for the project’s special appearances. So, is Nicki Minaj featured on Drake’s For All The Dogs? Fellow musicians Bad Bunny, J. Cole, Lil Yachty, 21 Savage, Sexyy Red, and more all pop in for a guest verse. However, Drake’s Young Money comrade is notably missing.

After teasing that they were linking back up for a track in September, this blatant omission isn’t sitting well with fans. During an interview with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe, Minaj confirmed that the song would make the final tracklist, saying, “You know, I have a song on Drake’s album coming out soon, too. I love the song so much. I’ll just say I really love the song. I know my fans are going to love the song. I know the world’s going to love the song. And that’s all I will say about that.”

Later in the conversation, Minaj revealed that Drake didn’t turn in his verse for her album either. “Barbz, make sure y’all let Drizzy Drake know that Pink Friday 2 is coming out November 17 as well. And we are waiting on his contribution,” declared Minaj, instructing her fans to remind him of his obligation. Maybe Minaj’s forthcoming album will make up for the missed collaboration, or if Drake drops a deluxe edition of For All The Dogs with the unreleased track.

Take a look at some fans’ reactions below.