Have you ever wondered why people don’t seem to say “you’re welcome” anymore?
The phenomenon has really caught on lately but it’s roots go a back further back. Back in 2015, author and professor Tom Nichols tweeted out an angry response after receiving what he thought was poor customer service:
“Dear Every Cashier in America: the proper response to ‘thank you’ is ‘you’re welcome,’ not ‘no problem.’ And *you’re* supposed to thank *me*”The angry tweet elicited a number of mocking responses from people on social media.
— (@)
But eventually one person chimed in with a detailed and thoughtful response that just might give you pause the next time you or someone you know says, “no problem.”
u201cDear Every Cashier in America: the proper response to “thank you” is “you’re welcome,” not “no problem.” And *you’re* supposed to thank *me*u201d
Actually the “you’re welcome/no problem” issue is simply a linguistics misunderstanding. Older ppl tend to say “you’re welcome,” younger ppl tend to say “no problem.” This is because for older people the act of helping or assisting someone is seen as a task that is not expected of them, but is them doing extra, so it’s them saying, “I accept your thanks because I know I deserve it.”
“No problem,” however, is used because younger people feel not only that helping or assisting someone is a given and expected but also that it should be stressed that you’re need for help was no burden to them (even if it was).
Basically, older people think help is a gift you give, younger people think help is an expectation required of them.
Nichols took a lot of flack for his comment. But the insightful response reveals something important about gratitude.
The thoughtful response from “lucasnoahs” doesn’t apply to everyone. After all, there are certainly a lot of people of any age group for whom acts of kindness and gestures of gratitude are “no problem.”
Still, his message conveys an important idea that doing well for others does not have to be a grand gesture. It can be a simple act — and the additional act of letting someone know that it’s really no problem helps relieve any potential sense of debt or guilt the person receiving the gesture might otherwise take on.
Most of the time, doing the right thing is indeed no problem. In fact, it might be the solution to a lot of the daily problems we grapple with.
A teacher’s message has gone viral after he let his student sleep in class — for the kindest reason.
Teachers spend time preparing lesson plans and trying to engage students in learning. The least a kid can do is stay awake in class, right?
But high school English teacher Monte Syrie sees things differently. In a Twitter thread, he explained why he didn’t take it personally when his student Meg fell asleep — and why he didn’t wake her up.
Screenshots via MonteSyrie/Twitter.
Meg’s nap meant she missed an in-class essay, but she turned it in that night. “I didn’t beat her up about it. Didn’t have to,” he wrote. “In a different room, Meg may have been written up for sleeping in class and given a zero for missing and essay, but she wasn’t in a different room; she was in my room.”
Syrie pointed out that sometimes we have to “trust our instincts, even if it goes against the grain.”
Meg is a good student with a lot on her plate. She takes a zero-hour class before the normal school day and does farm chores before that. She runs track. And she’s a teenager, with all of the social, academic, and life pressures that go along with it.
Syrie teaches sophomore English in Cheney, Washington. Photo via Monte Syrie.
And she’s not alone. During the school year, teens report higher levels of stress than adults, and many students report feeling exhausted trying to keep up with it all.
“I think too often the biggest thing that people forget about high school students is that they are kids,” Syrie says. “They’re kids — kids who are having to grow up way too fast and are having way too much pressure put on them, in and out of school … even for our best and brightest, that pressure gets to be too much.”
Syrie’s compassionate story resonated with people because we’ve all been in a position of needing a little grace.
Syrie’s tweets continued, exemplifying how teachers can show kindness and understanding to students. He pointed out, “I can’t offer Meg a math class later in the day. I cannot feed her horses … I cannot run 6 race-pace 300s for her. I cannot spirit away her teen trouble. But I can give her a break.”
Syrie says he tries to be that responsive to all of his students. “Because I firmly believe that one size fits all is madness, I adjust to each student, trusting my instincts, trusting what I know,” he says. “Regardless of our responsibilities, life is hard, and we all need some grace now and then.”
Syrie says he’s had a few negative comments, but overwhelmingly the response has been positive from both students and teachers.
[rebelmouse-image 19397573 dam=”1″ original_size=”665×141″ caption=”Screenshot via Alexa Shaw/Twitter.” expand=1]Screenshot via Alexa Shaw/Twitter.
[rebelmouse-image 19397575 dam=”1″ original_size=”661×119″ caption=”Screenshot via Mrs. Chow/Twitter.” expand=1]Screenshot via Mrs. Chow/Twitter.
Syrie has words for those who say that allowing a student to sleep in class doesn’t prepare them for the “real world.”
Some may question whether letting a student sleep in class without consequence is a good idea. Syrie has a response:
“We are not working in factories, stamping out standardized products,” he says. “We are helping young humans — unique individuals — learn about themselves and their worlds. As such, when our young humans face the inevitable pressures of growing up, we need to respond with empathy.”
“And if that does not prepare them for the ‘real world’ as some may suggest, then maybe the world needs to change. I want to live in a world where there’s empathy. That’s the world I want to live in.”
You can read more about the way Syrie is rethinking education on his website.
Taylor Swift is just a few hours away from dropping 1989 (Taylor’s Version) as her next rerecording. For those who are still looking for what songs are going to be on this version of her album, she is adding five previously unreleased songs to it.
“The 1989 album changed my life in countless ways, and it fills me with such excitement to announce that my version of it will be out October 27th,” Swift previously shared. “To be perfectly honest, this is my most FAVORITE re-record I’ve ever done because the 5 From The Vault tracks are so insane. I can’t believe they were ever left behind.”
Continue scrolling for the complete tracklist, including what Swift’s “From The Vault” songs are.
Original Songs
1. “Welcome To New York (Taylor’s Version)”
2. “Blank Space (Taylor’s Version)”
3. “Style (Taylor’s Version)”
4. “Out Of The Woods (Taylor’s Version)”
5. “All You Had To Do Was Stay (Taylor’s Version)”
6. “Shake It Off (Taylor’s Version)”
7. “I Wish You Would (Taylor’s Version)”
8. “Bad Blood (Taylor’s Version)”
9. “Wildest Dreams (Taylor’s Version)”
10. “How You Get The Girl (Taylor’s Version)”
11. “This Love (Taylor’s Version)”
12. “I Know Places (Taylor’s Version)”
13. “Clean (Taylor’s Version)”
14. “Wonderland (Taylor’s Version)”
15. “You Are In Love (Taylor’s Version)”
16. “New Romantics (Taylor’s Version)”
Vault Songs
17. “‘Slut!’ Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault]”
18. “Say Don’t Go (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault]”
19. “Now That We Don’t Talk (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault]”
20. “Suburban Legends (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault]”
21. “Is It Over Now? (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault]”
Each week our staff of film and TV experts surveys the entertainment landscape to select the ten best new/newish shows available for you to stream at home. We put a lot of thought into our selections, and our debates on what to include and what not to include can sometimes get a little heated and feelings may get hurt, but so be it, this is an important service for you, our readers. With that said, here are our selections for this week.
What we have on our hands here is a Bachelor spinoff about an older gentleman looking for love from a group of similarly aged ladies. Which is… honestly kind of adorable. Good for them. And good for us, too, especially if one of the episodes features a date where they eat dinner at a diner at 4:45 and then go watch an episode of Columbo in matching recliners. This was written as a joke but honestly sounds kind of wonderful. That’s true love right there, people.
Some comics want to watch the world burn, others are so in their own heads that it makes us feel like we’re sitting in on a therapy session. And that’s okay. There are many roads to Giggletown. But for Pete Holmes, the path to funny weaves through a world filled with fun weirdos and micro-annoyances. So if you’re looking to avoid the dreaded discourse for an hour, mentally touch some grass, and play with an amiable giant who favors quirky interactions with cashiers and knows that the pathway to oblivion is sprinkled with Dorito dust, then Holmes’ Netflix special might be for you.
Is The Morning Show the best drama on TV in a world absent Better Call Saul and Succession? Well, no, but it’s definitely the dramaest drama on TV, leaning on its star power to cut through moments that might be eye-roll-inducing if you weren’t so captivated by the screen presence of Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Billy Crudup, and Jon Hamm, who joins this season as a handsome version of Elon Musk. Backstabbing, front-stabbing, walk and talks, politics, high tension, and ripped-from-the-headlines storylines all come together, yet again, with our news and media power players moving more fully toward the game of mergers, acquisitions, and boardroom battles where the real prizes can be found.
The only “solo” spinoff of AMC’s post-apocalyptic world is upon us. Daryl is most entertaining character to send to France, and he’s also the least religious of the bunch, which makes it awfully funny to see him hanging with a bunch of nuns after waking up in France like “WTF?” Most of all, though, Daryl earns his “Big Ass Kicker” nickname and we also get a lovely character study of the most loyal and industrious survivor of Rick’s old bunch. The action also delivers, so get ready for crossbows and total chaos at Parisian landmarks. Pssst, we also chose the most essential to watch before this spinoff.
Welcome to the third season of Upload, a fun little science fiction-y comedy from the creator of The Office, Greg Daniels, that is set in 2033 in a world where humans can — you guessed it — upload themselves into a virtual afterlife when they die. The show follows Nathan, a guy who dies young under potentially mysterious circumstances and tries to sort things through from a very fancy new virtual community. It sounds strange. We promise it’s pretty fun.
This 2023 movie goes back to the 1973 short story by Stephen King as the perfect streaming lead-in to nightmares about Halloween season. This is not a true tale, but perhaps thinking of it that way can increase the terror. The story explores the enduring Boogeyman/Bogeyman folklore that has persisted around the globe for centuries. We’ve got a distracted father not paying enough attention to a pair of sisters, who begin to experience horrors that could trigger any lingering fears you’ve ever had about monsters lurking in your bedroom closet. The cast includes Sophie Thatcher, David Dastmalchian, and Chris Messina.
RL Stine’s Goosebumps series was the catalyst for plenty of children’s nightmares in the 90s and Disney+ is hoping to continue that reign of terror with their latest reboot. The kids have aged up – they’re high schoolers with hormonal angst seeping from their pores now. And the mystery isn’t anthologized, instead spread out over the course of 10 episodes. But you can still feel Stine’s evil genius working as murder investigations and suspicious parents and cursed artifacts open up a bigger world of supernatural secrets.
Brie Larson has never shied away from speaking out for feminist causes, and in this series, she stars in the adaptation of Bonnie Garmus’ bestselling novel, Lessons In Chemistry. Garmus became an overnight “a literary rock star” at age 66 for this impressive debut novel that is all the rage in book clubs everywhere. That will give the show a built-in audience as Larson portrays a brilliant chemist who is fired for a sexist double standard. This leads to an unexpected career change as a cooking show host. This high-profile new platform allows her to sandwich in other nuggets of wisdom for housewives as well as demonstrating how to bake yummy cookies.
Kristen Stewart’s gay ghost hunting show has everything: slayances, spook-kikis, haunted strip clubs, and comedian Roz Hernandez snacking on donuts while she yells at homophobic poltergeists. The group – a hodgepodge of paranormal experts that includes a psychic, a witch, and a tarot card reader – road trips across the country in this docuseries produced by the Queer Eye creators, chatting it up with demonic entities and benevolent spooks to get to the root of some very real, very human problems. If there’s a better way to spend your weekend than watching a group of well-dressed Queer spiritualists commune with the dead while cracking jokes and busting stereotypes, we don’t want to know about it.
This is kind of like if Planet Earth had been executive producer by Steven Spielberg, who does executive produce this
The official description is as follows: “The story of life’s epic, 4 billion-year journey on Earth, told through its ruling dynasties, its underdogs and the cataclysmic events that reshaped it”
This sucker is narrated by Morgan Freeman
Settle deeeeep into your couch and turn off the lights and enjoy.
Come for the dong jokes, and stay for the dong jokes. Much like The Boys, this spinoff does not skim on the raunch, and it also gives us a whole new roster of Supes who might feel differently about Vought International’s motives. This series seemingly pulls off the impossible by managing to be as appealing as the flagship series without the presence of its most shining and degraded beacon, Homelander. This franchise shows no sign of wearing out or fatiguing its audience as both the MCU and DCU have managed to do, which might be the most heroic feat of all in the present entertainment realm.
A rom-com in space? Sure, why not? There’s likely no better way to kill some time on a doomed ship that will never make its way back to Earth than to, you know, consider the “if you were the last person…” scenario that comes to life. Actually, damn, this is dark stuff! It’s a good thing that Anthony Mackie is over there making flirty eyes at Zoe Chao. Very distracting.
Have you ever been convinced that the animatronics at Chuck E. Cheese are freaking evil? Welcome to Five Nights At Freddy’s. In this adaptation of the wildly popular video game, Josh Hutcherson stars as Mike Schmidt, a security guard who’s about to seriously regret his new job. Tasked with keeping an eye on Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza joint, Mike quickly learns that the night shift is a terrifying hell ride as the pizzeria’s animatronic creatures come to life with a task of their own: Kill. Like the game, Mike will have to do everything in his power to survive the night and elude the dead-eyed mechanical monsters hunting him down.
When we last left Loki, the title character (Tom Hiddleston) had traveled to an alternate version of the Time Variance Authority where no one remembers him and there are statues of Kang (Jonathan Majors) everywhere. This second season picks up where we left off, only Loki soon discovers he’s being thrust back and forth not to an alternate timeline, but the past and present of his current timeline. Seeking the help of the present-day Mobius (Owen Wilson, the past’s version doesn’t know Loki) the two seek out Ke Huy Quan’ Ouroboros (or OB for short), a fellow who has been around a long time and seems to know how to do everything, to stop Loki from doing these involuntary jumps back and forth through time.
Also, Loki and Mobius are charged with finding one of Kang’s variants, for reasons that are too complicated to explain here. So the pair travel to 19th-century Chicago to find an inventor and con man named Victor Timely. The problem is other people with the ability to jump through time are also after Timely and his fate has repercussions on multiple timelines.
This show is a lot, which is by design, but it’s still a lot. The first season played as good fun, and this second season is also fun, though maybe just a little less so (at least through four episodes), but while watching it’s hard to forget the real world where one of the main cast members is on trial for assault.
Rick and Morty used to take notoriously long breaks between seasons, but not this time. Season seven of the animated sci-fi comedy series returns less than a year after the season six finale. There have been big changes behind the scenes, however: co-creator Justin Roiland, who also voiced the title characters, was fired from the show. Tricky line to straddle going forward, but the show has rarely let us down before.
Emily Blunt portrays a down-on-her-luck single mom who launches a new career alongside Chris Evans’ pharmaceutical sales rep. Not a great idea, ultimately, given that she becomes involved in a racketeering scheme. And of course, she begins to realize that this company’s success is coming at a ghastly price for humanity. This is a dramatized version of the rise and fall of Insys Therapeutics, which no longer exists, and yeah, you will definitely find out why.
Hey, here’s a fun one. We’ve got Rhys Darby and Taika Waititi and everyone is a pirate and most of them are gay. This show has been an unexpected blast for a while now and it’s always nice when those are in our lives. Treat yourself. Have some fun. Watch some gay pirates on the high seas. You deserve it.
The seventh season of Big Mouth ties Orange is the New Black and Grace and Frankie as Netflix’s longest-running scripted series (it will break the record in its eighth and final season). Not bad for an animated show about horny teenagers and hormone monsters. Guest stars this season include Megan Thee Stallion, Lupita Nyong’o, and Pulitzer Prize winner Lin-Manuel Miranda as a pubic hair. Good show.
Mike Flanagan fans, get ready. The Haunting of Hill House and Midnight Mass showrunner is back along with Carla Gugino, who will spook your soul right out of your bod and deliver a “consequential” evening to “a collection of stunted hearts” that is the Usher family. Yikes. Do not expect a literal adaptation of the Edgar Allen Poe short story. The story focuses here on the hell created by ruthless siblings Roderick and Madeline Usher, who built Fortunato Pharmaceuticals into an empire of wealth, privilege, and power. Horrible secrets shall surface when the heirs to the Usher dynasty start dying at the hands of a mysterious woman, portrayed with glee by Gugino.
No Hard Feelings is more than just the scene of Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence beating up teenagers while naked. I mean, it’s that, but it’s also a breezy R-rated comedy with some genuine moments of heart. Lawrence and co-star Andrew Barth Feldman have strong chemistry, and Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Natalie Morales, and Kyle Mooney show up in funny supporting roles. If every movie is going to be based on an existing property, forget comic books — make more Craigslist ad comedies.*
Last year, Candace Cameron Bure kicked off her first holiday season as the Chief Creative Officer for Great American Family by stirring up a massive controversy with her remarks on how the network will “keep traditional marriage at the core.” The situation got so bad that even Bure’s Full House co-star Jodie Sweetin spoke out against the anti-LGBTQ stance.
With the backlash seemingly in the rearview, Great American Family CEO Bill Abbott made some odd and weirdly late remarks about the controversy. Notably, he attempted to distance the network and Bure’s comments despite the fact that she was speaking as the CCO of the company.
We’re proud to have her here, and she works so well with the team alongside me, and we have a really talented and dedicated team that’s committed to high-quality faith and family content. In terms of her personal views, it’s like the disclaimer you see at the end of a movie or a series that says, “The views reflected here are not necessarily those of the company.” Candace has such a high profile that when she speaks, she’ll speak on a lot of topics, and she has a wonderful podcast that is fantastic. But when she speaks on that, she’s not speaking on behalf of Great American Media.
Naturally, Variety was confused by this stance because, again, Bure is the CCO of Great American Family. Abbott’s follow-up response didn’t help.
“Candace speaks for her own brand when she is talking to the world at large,” he said. “For me, all I do — all I live, breathe and sleep — is Great American Media. So when I talk about something, it’s very different, because I’m representing the company and only the company. When Candace talks about something, obviously she has a lot of other audiences and platforms.”
At this point, you might be thinking that Great American Family must have a different view than Bure and is open to including LGBTQ characters if her views are entirely her own. Guess again!
“Certainly, it will be something to think about,” Abbott said after being asked if the network would feature same-sex couples. “I think right now, we’re just so focused on profitability, being successful, doing the right thing for our shareholders, making sure we’re integrating PureFlix within our family. We have so many things on our agenda that we need to stay focused on the core part of the business right now and then down the road, as our world grows and changes and becomes different, then we’ll see.”
Taylor Swift is going to release her re-recorded 1989 (Taylor’s Version) at midnight EST tonight. However, fans are committed to a new theory that it might be a double album release. The idea started around when Swift unveiled her “From The Vault” tracks that would be added to her version.
Compared to her past re-recordings, there were no collaborations on this one, which has raised questions of why. The original 1989 era was also known for Swift’s socialness, including how she brought out a ton of surprise guests during the album’s world tour.
Yet, if there were a double album of entirely unreleased tracks, that might be where the collaborations are.
Swift also might have been dropping clues for it earlier than people initially thought. In her music video for “The Man” from her Lover era, her album 1989 is written on the wall of her records twice. (No other album is.) It’s worth noting that one is in light handwriting, the other dark.
Throughout this week, Swift has been channeling the original era by releasing early lyrics from the new songs. She raised eyebrows though for one, where she wrote the lyric, “Aquamarine / Moonlight swimming pool / What if / All I need is you.”
While these very well could be ones, fans took notice of several things. Each line is written separately, alternating between light blue and dark black, and different fonts. These could also easily double as song titles, given that Swift’s other handwritten lyrics this week were not formatted this way.
Finally, it’s worth noting that her public appearances have followed a similar outfit pattern between the same colors.
Guess Swifties will just have to see if the theory is true, or if it’s simply just clowning again.
Jack Black stripped down to his underwear and performed Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” at his The Give Back-ular Spectacular event in Los Angeles on Wednesday night, October 25, but only one person can pull that off, and his name is Jack Black. What are other Swifties supposed to do for Halloween?
Well, luckily, there’s a 399-pound pumpkin, Swift’s budding romance with Travis Kelce, the 1989 (Taylor’s Version)re-recorded album release, and 17 years’ worth of eras to pull costume inspiration from ahead of next Tuesday, October 31. Below is a starter kit for how to dress like Taylor Swift for Halloween.
“Tayvis”
I firmly believe all 7.8 billion people on Earth have, at least, an adjacent knowledge of Taylor Swift’s new relationship with Travis Kelce, an All-Pro tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. Swift has attended four of the two-time Super Bowl champion’s games since September 24, winning over his parents and providing the NFL with endless marketing material.
A popular nickname for the power couple is “Tayvis” — the X (formerly known as Twitter) account @tayvisnation is dedicated to it — and “Tayvis” costumes are already aplenty. Perhaps the most viral so far came from KidSuper, the designer behind the “1989 Bedroom Painting Denim” outfit Kelce wore for the Chiefs’ September 24 game against the Bears (also known as the soft launch of Kelce and Swift’s relationship). Kelce commented on KidSuper’s costume post, “[four laugh-crying emojis] you’re the [goat emoji].”
It’s also notable that Halloween 2020 saw Makayla Stephens and her husband, Nick Stephens, foreshadowing the unlikely relationship by dressing up as Swift and Kelce. Stephens’ Instagram post at the time was captioned, “I don’t know any world in which Taylor Swift + Travis Kelce would be in the same room together, but apparently in this one they’re married? #HappyHalloween”
This couple dressed up in costumes as Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce for Halloween 2020
According to TMZ, online Halloween retailer 3 Wishes “completely sold out” its options for Kelce-Swift costumes.
“Supportive Football Girlfriend”
As the person behind the skyrocketing @tayvisnation account put it, Swift is in her “supportive football gf” era. If you don’t want to do a couples costume, you could also throw on some Chiefs merch, red lipstick, red nail polish, and an “87” friendship bracelet, and everybody will get it.
And if you’d rather do a friendship costume than a couples costume, you could swerve left and go as Swift and Brittany Mahomes, wife to Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes who is quickly approaching Swift BFF territory.
Taylor Swift and Brittany Mahomes have a BFF handshake. #ChiefsKingdom
So, about the aforementioned 399-pound pumpkin: Jeanette Paras painted a gigantic pumpkin to look like Swift at the 2023 Grammys, and the resemblance is spooky accurate.
Paras said it took her 10 hours to paint her “Taylor SwiftKin,” and while nobody should spend 10 hours on a Halloween costume, maybe you’ve been re-inspired by Swift’s Grammys red carpet look from earlier in the year. Or maybe you suddenly want to paint a pumpkin like Taylor Swift and wear it on your head. No judgment.
During the Red era of the set, Swift revived her “22” outfit. Every night, she’d take off her black hat and gift it to a young Swiftie, including a viral moment with the late Kobe Bryant’s six-year-old daughter, Bianka.
Taylor Swift shares special moment with Kobe Bryant’s daughter Bianka, giving her the “22” hat at the Eras Tour in Los Angeles. pic.twitter.com/XpmDa41XC8
This post could easily balloon to 13,000 words — see what I did there? — if I pulled costume ideas from every Swift era or even her expansive The Eras Tour wardrobe. So to preserve my remaining sanity, I’m focusing on what will be her latest release, 1989 (Taylor’s Version), due out on Friday, October 27. There are plenty of 1989 costumes to be had, from Swift’s glittery “Shake It Off” two-piece to her seagull-themed 1989 (Taylor’s Version) cover. Whatever you do, just don’t forget to cover your forearm in friendship bracelets.
Similarly, CW’s sports drama All American had its Netflix debut earlier this year when the streamer dropped every episode of the show just a week after season five wrapped up on cable. After a summer of binging, the series is set to return to the CW early next year, now that everyone is caught up. Thankfully, most of the original cast should return.
All American began in 2018 and follows the high-stakes world of High School football and its impact on the surrounding community. We’re all familiar with the spectacle. The series stars Daniel Ezra as Spencer James, a high school football star who is being scouted for various prestige football programs, and eventually college. Bre-Z will return as Coop, Daniel’s best friend and confidant and aspiring musician. Greta Onieogou returns as Layla Keating, Daniel’s ex who is currently engaged to Jordan, played by Michael Evans Behling, a quarterback on Daniel’s team.
The rest of the cast includes Cody Christian as Asher Adams, Karimah Westbrook as Grace Jameas, Monét Mazur as Laura Fine-Baker, Jalyn Hall as Dillon James, and Hunter Clowdus as JJ Parker. There have been no announcements of new cast members at this time, but production for season six hasn’t begun yet, so who knows? They might add Kyle Chandler in as a fun-loving coach!
Though we’re all part of the same species living on the same planet, our experience as humans walking through this world can differ widely. Children see things through a different lens than adults. Women and men have different perspectives on certain issues. And because racism has long been an active element in our society, people with varying amounts of melanin in their skin face specific challenges that others don’t.
As a white American, I don’t instinctively know what it’s like to walk in a black person’s shoes. I can tell you about the legacy of white supremacy laced throughout our country’s history. I can explain the far-reaching effects of slavery, lynch mobs, Jim Crow laws, redlining, mass incarceration, and more. I can intellectually break down the psychological and sociological impact of centuries of race-based oppression.
But I can’t tell you what it feels like to walk through this world, right now, as a black person—which is why it’s so important to listen to the voices of people who can.
David Summers shared a story on Facebook that reflects the experience of many black Americans—one that can help us non-black folks see through a lens we simply do not and cannot have. Perhaps that’s why it’s been shared more than 20,000 times. From the fear that any object he carries might be mistaken as a gun to figuring out how to smile at a stranger just right so he won’t be considered a threat, the “black thoughts” Summers describes during his walk through a beautiful, white neighborhood—presumably a neighborhood most of us would consider “safe”—are heartbreaking.
He wrote:
“I took a black walk this morning. I took a black walk through a white neighborhood. When I take black walks, I think black thoughts. I am conscious of where I’ve placed my gun, my gun, and my gun. I mean, my phone, my wallet, and my keys. Because Peace Officers have a hard time telling the difference. I rehearse what I’ll say if a concerned resident, or a law enforcement employee has questions about why my black body is walking through their white space. And I remind myself to make sure the law enforcement employee has his body camera recording. Sometimes it helps if there is video evidence to accompany the hashtag.
There is no way to be stealthy when you take a black walk. White neighborhoods are blanketed by a sophisticated security system comprised of nosy neighbors, Ring doorbell cameras, and white women walking their dogs. So, I’ve learned to notice the white world through my periphery. To be aware of the dangers without acknowledging them. There is an art to making white people feel safe. To say ‘Good Morning’ and flash a smile that shows confidence and deference at the same time. To being polite because your life depends on it.
I felt the squad car behind me before I saw it.
It moved deliberately. Not like the other cars mindlessly whizzing past. Its tires inched. Crept. Stalked their way toward me.
I kept walking.
“Don’t take your hands out of your pockets,” I thought. Or wait, maybe I should? Maybe it’s better if my hands are clearly empty. But it’s cold outside…maybe it’s nothing. Keep walking.
The car rolled past me and made a slow right turn. I glanced quickly but didn’t stare. The air is still. My ears tuned out everything but the slight scuff of my sneakers on the sidewalk and the fading sound of those stalking tires.
Almost there.
Suddenly the squad car re-emerged. It was a block ahead of me. It made a quick right turn, continued to the end of the street, and then waited. No more stalking. This was a show of force. This was a roar. This was a reminder that I was trespassing.
I kept walking.
“Don’t take your hands out of your pockets,” I thought. Or wait, maybe I should? Maybe it’s better if my hands are clearly empty. But it’s cold outside…maybe it’s nothing. Keep walking.
The car rolled past me and made a slow right turn. I glanced quickly but didn’t stare. The air is still. My ears tuned out everything but the slight scuff of my sneakers on the sidewalk and the fading sound of those stalking tires.
Almost there.
Suddenly the squad car re-emerged. It was a block ahead of me. It made a quick right turn, continued to the end of the street, and then waited. No more stalking. This was a show of force. This was a roar. This was a reminder that I was trespassing.
I kept walking.
As I approached the corner, the front window began to roll down. The occupant didn’t speak. Didn’t smile. Just stared. I was being warned.
I crossed the street and the lion trotted off. He had effectively marked his territory. The brave protector had done his job.
I however, couldn’t help but wonder what I’d missed during my black walk. It’s hard to hear the birds chirping, or to smile at the squirrels playfully darting along the branches when you’re on a black walk. It’s easy to miss the promise of a light blue sky, or appreciate the audacity of the red, yellow, and purple daisies declaring their independence from the green grass when your mind is preoccupied with black thoughts.
I took a walk through a beautiful neighborhood this morning. But I missed the whole thing.”
Thank you, Mr. Summers, for sharing your “black walk” experience. Hopefully, it will prompt us all to ask ourselves whether our words and actions serve to reinforce or remedy what you’ve described.
The water bill at the Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis residence appears to be pretty low after recent revelations the couple made about their family’s bathing habits.
In a recent appearance on Dax Shepard’s “Armchair Expert” podcast, they admitted they’re not that into bathing themselves or their two children, Dimitri Portwood, 4, and Wyatt Isabelle, 6.
The conversation started when Shepard explained his ongoing disagreement with co-host Monica Padman. The two have dissenting views over whether people should use soap. “You should not be getting rid of all the natural oil on your skin with a bar of soap every day,” he said. “It’s insane.”
Kunis agreed with Shepard and was very candid about her bathing ritual. “I don’t wash my body with soap every day,” she shared. “But I wash pits and tits and holes and soles.”
“I can’t believe I’m in the minority here of washing my whole body in the shower,” Padman replied. “Who taught you to not wash?”
“I didn’t have hot water growing up as a child,” Kunis recalled, “so I didn’t shower very much anyway.” Kunis was born in the then-Soviet controlled Ukrainian city of Chernivtsi in 1983. Her family migrated to America when she was seven.
Kutcher added that he regularly uses soap and water on just his “armpits and crotch” and “nothing else.”
Kunis has passed her lax attitude towards bathing on to her children.
“When I had children,” she said, “I also didn’t wash them every day. I wasn’t the parent that bathed my newborns—ever.” Shepard agreed, saying that he and wife Kristen Bell only bathe their children as part of a nighttime routine and don’t pay much attention to their cleanliness.
“That’s how we feel about our children. We’re like, ‘Oof, something smells,'” Kunis added. Kutcher has a simple rule when it comes to his children and their cleanliness. “Here’s the thing — if you can see the dirt on ’em, clean ’em,” he says. “Otherwise, there’s no point.”
u201cMila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher Say They Only Bathe Their Kids When ‘You Can See the Dirt on Them’u201d
While the Kutcher-Kunis clan’s approach towards hygiene may not be typical of the average American family, they may not be wrong according to science. Research suggests that children benefit from being exposed to germs early in life.
“This line of thinking, called the ‘hygiene hypothesis,’ holds that when exposure to parasites, bacteria, and viruses is limited early in life, children face a greater chance of having allergies, asthma, and other autoimmune diseases during adulthood,” WebMD says.
Basically, the more your body is exposed to the more it can fight off.
“Just as a baby’s brain needs stimulation, input, and interaction to develop normally, the young immune system is strengthened by exposure to everyday germs so that it can learn, adapt, and regulate itself,” notes Thom McDade, PhD, associate professor and director of the Laboratory for Human Biology Research at Northwestern University.
As for Kutcher and Kunis, they both share the same attitude when it comes to hygiene so nobody in the relationship has the right to complain if the other is a little funky. If it works for them, who are we to judge?
This article originally appeared on 7.28,.21
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Screenshots via MonteSyrie/Twitter.
Syrie teaches sophomore English in Cheney, Washington. Photo via Monte Syrie.
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