Category: News

Society, pay attention. This is important.

My wife, Zoe, is transgender. She came out to us — the kids and me — last summer and then slowly spread her beautiful feminine wings with extended family, friends, and neighbors.

A little coming out here, a little coming out there — you know how it is.

---

It’s been a slow, often challenging process of telling people something so personal and scary, but pretty much everyone has been amazing.

However, she dreaded coming out at the office.

She works at a large technology company, managing a team of software developers in a predominantly male office environment. She’s known many of her co-workers and employees for 15 or so years. They have called her “he” and “him” and “Mr.” for a very long time. How would they handle the change?

While we have laws in place in Ontario, Canada, to protect the rights of transgender employees, it does not shield them from awkwardness, quiet judgment, or loss of workplace friendships. Your workplace may not become outright hostile, but it can sometimes become a difficult place to go to every day because people only tolerate you rather than fully accept you.

But this transition needed to happen, and so Zoe carefully crafted a coming out email and sent it to everyone she works with.

The support was immediately apparent; she received about 75 incredibly kind responses from coworkers, both local and international.

She then took one week off, followed by a week where she worked solely from home. It was only last Monday when she finally went back to the office.

First day back at work! I asked if I could take a “first day of school” type picture with her lunchbox. She said no. Spoilsport.

Despite knowing how nice her colleagues are and having read so many positive responses to her email, she was understandably still nervous.

Hell, I was nervous. I made her promise to text me 80 billion times with updates and was more than prepared to go down there with my advocacy pants on if I needed to (I might be a tad overprotective).

And that’s when her office pals decided to show the rest of us how to do it right.

She got in and found that a couple of them had decorated her cubicle to surprise her:

Butterflies! Streamers! Rainbows! OMG!

And made sure her new name was prominently displayed in a few locations:

They got her a beautiful lily with a “Welcome, Zoe!” card:

And this tearjerker quote was waiting for her on her desk:

To top it all off, a 10 a.m. “meeting” she was scheduled to attend was actually a coming out party to welcome her back to work as her true self — complete with coffee and cupcakes and handshakes and hugs.

(I stole one, and it was delicious.)

NO, I’M NOT CRYING. YOU’RE CRYING.

I did go to my wife’s office that day. But instead of having my advocacy pants on, I had my hugging arms ready and some mascara in my purse in case I cried it off while thanking everyone.

I wish we lived in a world where it was no big deal to come out.

Sadly, that is not the case for many LGBTQ people. We live in a world of bathroom bills and “religious freedom” laws that directly target the members of our community. We live in a world where my family gets threats for daring to speak out for trans rights. We live in a world where we can’t travel to certain locations for fear of discrimination — or worse.

So when I see good stuff happening — especially when it takes place right on our doorstep — I’m going to share it far and wide. Let’s normalize this stuff. Let’s make celebrating diversity our everyday thing rather than hating or fearing it.

Chill out, haters. Take a load off with us.

It’s a lot of energy to judge people, you know. It’s way more fun to celebrate and support them for who they are.

Besides, we have cupcakes.

This article originally appeared on 04.08.16.

Society, pay attention. This is important.

My wife, Zoe, is transgender. She came out to us — the kids and me — last summer and then slowly spread her beautiful feminine wings with extended family, friends, and neighbors.

A little coming out here, a little coming out there — you know how it is.

---

It’s been a slow, often challenging process of telling people something so personal and scary, but pretty much everyone has been amazing.

However, she dreaded coming out at the office.

She works at a large technology company, managing a team of software developers in a predominantly male office environment. She’s known many of her co-workers and employees for 15 or so years. They have called her “he” and “him” and “Mr.” for a very long time. How would they handle the change?

While we have laws in place in Ontario, Canada, to protect the rights of transgender employees, it does not shield them from awkwardness, quiet judgment, or loss of workplace friendships. Your workplace may not become outright hostile, but it can sometimes become a difficult place to go to every day because people only tolerate you rather than fully accept you.

But this transition needed to happen, and so Zoe carefully crafted a coming out email and sent it to everyone she works with.

The support was immediately apparent; she received about 75 incredibly kind responses from coworkers, both local and international.

She then took one week off, followed by a week where she worked solely from home. It was only last Monday when she finally went back to the office.

First day back at work! I asked if I could take a “first day of school” type picture with her lunchbox. She said no. Spoilsport.

Despite knowing how nice her colleagues are and having read so many positive responses to her email, she was understandably still nervous.

Hell, I was nervous. I made her promise to text me 80 billion times with updates and was more than prepared to go down there with my advocacy pants on if I needed to (I might be a tad overprotective).

And that’s when her office pals decided to show the rest of us how to do it right.

She got in and found that a couple of them had decorated her cubicle to surprise her:

Butterflies! Streamers! Rainbows! OMG!

And made sure her new name was prominently displayed in a few locations:

They got her a beautiful lily with a “Welcome, Zoe!” card:

And this tearjerker quote was waiting for her on her desk:

To top it all off, a 10 a.m. “meeting” she was scheduled to attend was actually a coming out party to welcome her back to work as her true self — complete with coffee and cupcakes and handshakes and hugs.

(I stole one, and it was delicious.)

NO, I’M NOT CRYING. YOU’RE CRYING.

I did go to my wife’s office that day. But instead of having my advocacy pants on, I had my hugging arms ready and some mascara in my purse in case I cried it off while thanking everyone.

I wish we lived in a world where it was no big deal to come out.

Sadly, that is not the case for many LGBTQ people. We live in a world of bathroom bills and “religious freedom” laws that directly target the members of our community. We live in a world where my family gets threats for daring to speak out for trans rights. We live in a world where we can’t travel to certain locations for fear of discrimination — or worse.

So when I see good stuff happening — especially when it takes place right on our doorstep — I’m going to share it far and wide. Let’s normalize this stuff. Let’s make celebrating diversity our everyday thing rather than hating or fearing it.

Chill out, haters. Take a load off with us.

It’s a lot of energy to judge people, you know. It’s way more fun to celebrate and support them for who they are.

Besides, we have cupcakes.

This article originally appeared on 04.08.16.

In 2013, Zerlina Maxwell ignited a firestorm of controversy when she strongly recommended we stop telling women how to not get raped.

Here are her words, from the transcript of her appearance on Sean Hannity’s show:

“I don’t think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there with prevention.”

So essentially — instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let’s raise boys specifically not to rape.

---

There was a lot of ire raised from that idea. Maxwell was on the receiving end of a deluge of online harassment and scary threats because of her ideas, which is sadly common for outspoken women on the Internet.

People assumed it meant she was labeling all boys as potential rapists or that every man has a rape-monster he carries inside him unless we quell it from the beginning.

But the truth is most of the rapes women experience are perpetrated by people they know and trust. So fully educating boys during their formative years about what constitutes consent and why it’s important to practice explicitly asking for consent could potentially eradicate a large swath of acquaintance rape. It’s not a condemnation on their character or gender, but an extra set of tools to help young men approach sex without damaging themselves or anyone else.

But what does teaching boys about consent really look like in action?

Well, there’s the viral letter I wrote to my teen titled “Son, It’s Okay If You Don’t Get Laid Tonight” explaining his responsibility in the matter. I wanted to show by example that Maxwell’s words weren’t about shaming or blaming boys who’d done nothing wrong yet, but about giving them a road map to navigate their sexual encounters ahead.

There are also rape prevention campaigns on many college campuses, aiming to reach young men right at the heart of where acquaintance rape is so prevalent. Many men are welcoming these efforts.

And then there are creative endeavors to find the right metaphors and combination of words to get people to shake off their acceptance of cultural norms and see rape culture clearly.

This is brilliant:

There you have it. Seven comparisons that anyone can use to show how simple and logical the idea of consent really is. Consent culture is on its way because more and more people are sharing these ideas and getting people to think critically. How can we not share an idea whose time has come?

This article originally appeared on 06.27.15

In 2013, Zerlina Maxwell ignited a firestorm of controversy when she strongly recommended we stop telling women how to not get raped.

Here are her words, from the transcript of her appearance on Sean Hannity’s show:

“I don’t think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there with prevention.”

So essentially — instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let’s raise boys specifically not to rape.

---

There was a lot of ire raised from that idea. Maxwell was on the receiving end of a deluge of online harassment and scary threats because of her ideas, which is sadly common for outspoken women on the Internet.

People assumed it meant she was labeling all boys as potential rapists or that every man has a rape-monster he carries inside him unless we quell it from the beginning.

But the truth is most of the rapes women experience are perpetrated by people they know and trust. So fully educating boys during their formative years about what constitutes consent and why it’s important to practice explicitly asking for consent could potentially eradicate a large swath of acquaintance rape. It’s not a condemnation on their character or gender, but an extra set of tools to help young men approach sex without damaging themselves or anyone else.

But what does teaching boys about consent really look like in action?

Well, there’s the viral letter I wrote to my teen titled “Son, It’s Okay If You Don’t Get Laid Tonight” explaining his responsibility in the matter. I wanted to show by example that Maxwell’s words weren’t about shaming or blaming boys who’d done nothing wrong yet, but about giving them a road map to navigate their sexual encounters ahead.

There are also rape prevention campaigns on many college campuses, aiming to reach young men right at the heart of where acquaintance rape is so prevalent. Many men are welcoming these efforts.

And then there are creative endeavors to find the right metaphors and combination of words to get people to shake off their acceptance of cultural norms and see rape culture clearly.

This is brilliant:

There you have it. Seven comparisons that anyone can use to show how simple and logical the idea of consent really is. Consent culture is on its way because more and more people are sharing these ideas and getting people to think critically. How can we not share an idea whose time has come?

This article originally appeared on 06.27.15

Dating has certainly evolved over the years—we’ve gone from courtship being purely a financial arrangement (not that this trend has ever truly died) to knights jousting for a lady’s favor, to casual hookups … and now, romance is primarily found through an app more than anything else.

Technology used for meeting that special someone has become so advanced that you can base your search entirely upon specific interests. Like … oddly specific interests. Think a fellow cat person would be the purrfect match? There’s an app for that. Wish to “love long and prosper” with a fellow Trekkie? There’s an app for that too.

No matter the changes, one thing remains the same—dating is awkward. It’s got all the unspoken formalities of a job interview, disguised as innocent fun. The balance between playing it too cool and too eager is hard to find even for the smoothest among us, and usually results in total embarrassment. Even if we aren’t the ones committing those embarrassing acts ourselves, we are often the reluctant witness to them.

---

Terrible dates might not always be fun in the moment, but they can be just as important as the good ones. They can teach us a lot about ourselves and what qualities we want in a partner. And at the very least, they can teach us to embrace social clumsiness with a sense of humor.

Jimmy Fallon recently asked his “Tonight Show” audience on Twitter to share a “funny or embarrassing first date story” for his ever popular #Hashtags segment. The best part—some of these awful first dates ended in marriage. There’s hope for us all.

Below, find 15 stories that are truly the best of the worst. How do some of your first dates compare?

1. “After a nice dinner, she invited me to her house. On the way up, inside the elevator, I decided to push the button to stop between floors and give her a kiss… She had a phobia of closed spaces and she smacked my face as a reflex, two punches after we were kissing and laughing.” – @PanqueAlgarvio

2. “His jeans were so tight he couldn’t sit down. Stood at a bar stool the whole time.” – @onlyintheozarks

3. “Waiting 4 my date when an older couple asked me for a ride. my date came up and said sure! We drove them home & they asked us to come in. Date said “sure”. I pulled him back & asked why he wanted to hang w/strangers. He said ‘sh@t! YOU DON’T KNOW THEM!?’ We bolted!” – @natashaham75

4. “Before the date, we had been chatting about books we liked and I talked about a great book I just read. We went on the date. I loaned her the book. She ghosted me.” – @thenextbarstool

5. “The worst first date I ever had was when my date locked his keys in the car and I had a curfew so he had to break his car window out to get me home on time. Didn’t think I’d ever see him again but we wound up married.” – @csleblan

6. “First date movie ‘Basic Instinct’ not realizing how suggestive it was. We just thought it was a mystery thriller! We left the movie discussing how each character could have actually murdered someone. We’re married now.” – @Southrnbell_Amy

7. “First date with my ex husband was a double date with his parents. The preview for ‘Speed Racer’ came on, and she leaned over me to say to her son, ‘You know what your dad’s nickname in the bedroom is?’” – @theostoria

8. “A friend asked me on a double date as a blind date with his date’s friend. I went to the bathroom and came back just in time to hear my date say to her friend, ‘why do I get the ugly one?’ I said good night to all three and headed home, leaving her w/the bill.” – @StevenTrustum

9. “He loved cheese. I was subjected to a 2 hour conversation/lecture about cheese, and why cottage cheese is not cheese!” – @Optimist_Eeyore

10. “He took me to an Asian fish market. We walked around looking at live & dead fish for a while. I don’t like seeing dead animals & I don’t eat seafood. Then we sat on a curb & he pulled out a ziplock bag of pineapple for us to share. I don’t like pineapple.” – @markayhali

11. “My cousin set up a first date for me with a family friend. During a break from dinner, Mr. Man follows me into the ladies’ room, comes up close and says in a low voice, ‘I shave my butt.’ Can’t remember what I said in response but the evening ended abruptly.” – @carli_zarzana

12. “I once took out my high school crush to a sports bar and ordered the spiciest wings there in an attempt to impress her. Not only was she not impressed. The next morning I woke up with heartburn.” –@Dmonster38

13. “My date showed up with his bestie and girlfriend, and they talked through dinner about people I don’t know. Walking to the car, he gave me a wedgie because he thought he hadn’t been paying enough attention to me.” – @surrealDazey

14. “I was taking my date home and was pulled over by the police for speeding. When the cop came to my car, she jumped out and told him she had to get home. She walked home and I never heard from her again. I’m not sure who’s #WorstFirstDate it was mine or hers!” – @eastriverbear

15. “After an evening of dancing with a first date, leaving the dance hall, I had to take a quick pee break. Rushing out to the parking lot, I see a lady, I grab her and swoop her around, and plant a big wet kiss on the lips. She was another guy’s wife. Oops!” – @seadogskamore

This article originally appeared on 9.22.22

Dating has certainly evolved over the years—we’ve gone from courtship being purely a financial arrangement (not that this trend has ever truly died) to knights jousting for a lady’s favor, to casual hookups … and now, romance is primarily found through an app more than anything else.

Technology used for meeting that special someone has become so advanced that you can base your search entirely upon specific interests. Like … oddly specific interests. Think a fellow cat person would be the purrfect match? There’s an app for that. Wish to “love long and prosper” with a fellow Trekkie? There’s an app for that too.

No matter the changes, one thing remains the same—dating is awkward. It’s got all the unspoken formalities of a job interview, disguised as innocent fun. The balance between playing it too cool and too eager is hard to find even for the smoothest among us, and usually results in total embarrassment. Even if we aren’t the ones committing those embarrassing acts ourselves, we are often the reluctant witness to them.

---

Terrible dates might not always be fun in the moment, but they can be just as important as the good ones. They can teach us a lot about ourselves and what qualities we want in a partner. And at the very least, they can teach us to embrace social clumsiness with a sense of humor.

Jimmy Fallon recently asked his “Tonight Show” audience on Twitter to share a “funny or embarrassing first date story” for his ever popular #Hashtags segment. The best part—some of these awful first dates ended in marriage. There’s hope for us all.

Below, find 15 stories that are truly the best of the worst. How do some of your first dates compare?

1. “After a nice dinner, she invited me to her house. On the way up, inside the elevator, I decided to push the button to stop between floors and give her a kiss… She had a phobia of closed spaces and she smacked my face as a reflex, two punches after we were kissing and laughing.” – @PanqueAlgarvio

2. “His jeans were so tight he couldn’t sit down. Stood at a bar stool the whole time.” – @onlyintheozarks

3. “Waiting 4 my date when an older couple asked me for a ride. my date came up and said sure! We drove them home & they asked us to come in. Date said “sure”. I pulled him back & asked why he wanted to hang w/strangers. He said ‘sh@t! YOU DON’T KNOW THEM!?’ We bolted!” – @natashaham75

4. “Before the date, we had been chatting about books we liked and I talked about a great book I just read. We went on the date. I loaned her the book. She ghosted me.” – @thenextbarstool

5. “The worst first date I ever had was when my date locked his keys in the car and I had a curfew so he had to break his car window out to get me home on time. Didn’t think I’d ever see him again but we wound up married.” – @csleblan

6. “First date movie ‘Basic Instinct’ not realizing how suggestive it was. We just thought it was a mystery thriller! We left the movie discussing how each character could have actually murdered someone. We’re married now.” – @Southrnbell_Amy

7. “First date with my ex husband was a double date with his parents. The preview for ‘Speed Racer’ came on, and she leaned over me to say to her son, ‘You know what your dad’s nickname in the bedroom is?’” – @theostoria

8. “A friend asked me on a double date as a blind date with his date’s friend. I went to the bathroom and came back just in time to hear my date say to her friend, ‘why do I get the ugly one?’ I said good night to all three and headed home, leaving her w/the bill.” – @StevenTrustum

9. “He loved cheese. I was subjected to a 2 hour conversation/lecture about cheese, and why cottage cheese is not cheese!” – @Optimist_Eeyore

10. “He took me to an Asian fish market. We walked around looking at live & dead fish for a while. I don’t like seeing dead animals & I don’t eat seafood. Then we sat on a curb & he pulled out a ziplock bag of pineapple for us to share. I don’t like pineapple.” – @markayhali

11. “My cousin set up a first date for me with a family friend. During a break from dinner, Mr. Man follows me into the ladies’ room, comes up close and says in a low voice, ‘I shave my butt.’ Can’t remember what I said in response but the evening ended abruptly.” – @carli_zarzana

12. “I once took out my high school crush to a sports bar and ordered the spiciest wings there in an attempt to impress her. Not only was she not impressed. The next morning I woke up with heartburn.” –@Dmonster38

13. “My date showed up with his bestie and girlfriend, and they talked through dinner about people I don’t know. Walking to the car, he gave me a wedgie because he thought he hadn’t been paying enough attention to me.” – @surrealDazey

14. “I was taking my date home and was pulled over by the police for speeding. When the cop came to my car, she jumped out and told him she had to get home. She walked home and I never heard from her again. I’m not sure who’s #WorstFirstDate it was mine or hers!” – @eastriverbear

15. “After an evening of dancing with a first date, leaving the dance hall, I had to take a quick pee break. Rushing out to the parking lot, I see a lady, I grab her and swoop her around, and plant a big wet kiss on the lips. She was another guy’s wife. Oops!” – @seadogskamore

This article originally appeared on 9.22.22

A situation between neighbors that played out on TikTok up an important question: Should one neighbor have to remove a holiday decoration because it makes someone else on the block uncomfortable? However, before it became a conflict, one neighbor settled the situation with kindness.

Salena Webb of Duncan, South Carolina, a confessed “Halloween lover,” proved it this year by putting her decorations up in September. Webb is the mother of 4, with another on the way, who shares gardening tips on TikTok.

Webb did an excellent job decking out her lawn for the spooky season. Her decorations included a giant spider web, some tombstones and two skeletons carrying a coffin. Webb loved her decorations but they caused a bit of a problem with her neighbor across the street.

---

The adult son of an elderly Russian couple came to her door with a peculiar request.

@thatsnorthsense

My family knows i loveeee Halloween and my decorations took me awhile to make and put up. I had just purshased the skeleton carrying the casket to go along with my graveyard to really set my halloween decor off this year🥴 I was a little sad at first but i thought about the bigger picture. Me removing my casket isnt hurting me at all but it may ease and bring my neighbor a little bit of peace as he adjusts to this news. Kindness is free and compassion goes a long way. Now what to replace it with🥴😩#Thatsnorthsense #dailyvlog #compassionforothers #halloween2023 #loveyourneighborasyourself

“He starts to tell me that his father was diagnosed with lung cancer,” she said the couple’s son said. “And then he started to talk about my Halloween decorations. I’m like, ‘What do my decorations really have to do with this?'” she told Business Insider.

But then, suddenly, it all made sense. “This guy is dealing with mortality,” Webb said, adding that the man had specifically noted that the casket made him uncomfortable. In a follow-up video, Webb pointed out that the elderly man often sits in his garage, directly across the street from the coffin decoration.

So, Webb decided to remove the casket from her lawn.

“I do get it, you know, and I understand it is like literally right across the street, and he can look right into it, so I get it,” she admitted in a follow-up video. So, this year, she moved the coffin into her back yard.

@thatsnorthsense

Replying to @JennAngel 🪱🌈🪐☁️🪅💠 maybe some can now understand why they were a little touchy about it and at night theres fog that i have come out from it🤣 so i get it.. #Thatsnorthsense #dailyvlog #compassionforothers #halloween2023 #loveyourneighborasyourself

“I was a little sad at first but I thought about the bigger picture,” Webb captioned her TikTok video. “Me removing my casket isn’t hurting me at all, but it may ease and bring my neighbor a little bit of peace as he adjusts to this news. Kindness is free and compassion goes a long way.”

There are many different ways in which that situation could have played out. The neighbor could have been aggressive when asking Webb to remove the decorations, but he wasn’t. Webb could have gotten defensive and told the neighbor that her decorations were none of his business. But she didn’t.

One commenter perfectly summed up the situation. “His explanation was so heartfelt. It’s so kind of you to respond in the same way,” CocoJoJo30 wrote.

After the video went viral, Webb went across the street and gave her ailing neighbor a card and some balloons to tell him that removing the casket wasn’t a problem. As for the skeletons, they’re still on the lawn, but now they are playing a friendly game of badminton instead of carrying a coffin.

A situation between neighbors that played out on TikTok up an important question: Should one neighbor have to remove a holiday decoration because it makes someone else on the block uncomfortable? However, before it became a conflict, one neighbor settled the situation with kindness.

Salena Webb of Duncan, South Carolina, a confessed “Halloween lover,” proved it this year by putting her decorations up in September. Webb is the mother of 4, with another on the way, who shares gardening tips on TikTok.

Webb did an excellent job decking out her lawn for the spooky season. Her decorations included a giant spider web, some tombstones and two skeletons carrying a coffin. Webb loved her decorations but they caused a bit of a problem with her neighbor across the street.

---

The adult son of an elderly Russian couple came to her door with a peculiar request.

@thatsnorthsense

My family knows i loveeee Halloween and my decorations took me awhile to make and put up. I had just purshased the skeleton carrying the casket to go along with my graveyard to really set my halloween decor off this year🥴 I was a little sad at first but i thought about the bigger picture. Me removing my casket isnt hurting me at all but it may ease and bring my neighbor a little bit of peace as he adjusts to this news. Kindness is free and compassion goes a long way. Now what to replace it with🥴😩#Thatsnorthsense #dailyvlog #compassionforothers #halloween2023 #loveyourneighborasyourself

“He starts to tell me that his father was diagnosed with lung cancer,” she said the couple’s son said. “And then he started to talk about my Halloween decorations. I’m like, ‘What do my decorations really have to do with this?'” she told Business Insider.

But then, suddenly, it all made sense. “This guy is dealing with mortality,” Webb said, adding that the man had specifically noted that the casket made him uncomfortable. In a follow-up video, Webb pointed out that the elderly man often sits in his garage, directly across the street from the coffin decoration.

So, Webb decided to remove the casket from her lawn.

“I do get it, you know, and I understand it is like literally right across the street, and he can look right into it, so I get it,” she admitted in a follow-up video. So, this year, she moved the coffin into her back yard.

@thatsnorthsense

Replying to @JennAngel 🪱🌈🪐☁️🪅💠 maybe some can now understand why they were a little touchy about it and at night theres fog that i have come out from it🤣 so i get it.. #Thatsnorthsense #dailyvlog #compassionforothers #halloween2023 #loveyourneighborasyourself

“I was a little sad at first but I thought about the bigger picture,” Webb captioned her TikTok video. “Me removing my casket isn’t hurting me at all, but it may ease and bring my neighbor a little bit of peace as he adjusts to this news. Kindness is free and compassion goes a long way.”

There are many different ways in which that situation could have played out. The neighbor could have been aggressive when asking Webb to remove the decorations, but he wasn’t. Webb could have gotten defensive and told the neighbor that her decorations were none of his business. But she didn’t.

One commenter perfectly summed up the situation. “His explanation was so heartfelt. It’s so kind of you to respond in the same way,” CocoJoJo30 wrote.

After the video went viral, Webb went across the street and gave her ailing neighbor a card and some balloons to tell him that removing the casket wasn’t a problem. As for the skeletons, they’re still on the lawn, but now they are playing a friendly game of badminton instead of carrying a coffin.

As people worry about whether artificial intelligence (AI) will replace people’s jobs, it appears at least one job is safe—the person who puts the closed captioning text on the jumbotron at sports events.

A video shared on X (formerly Twitter) shows what happened at a Portland Trail Blazers basketball game when some kind of automated closed captioning tool misheard the lyrics of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” You know, our country’s national anthem that pretty much every American knows by heart? And the captions it came up with were hilariously entertaining.

A guy named Brian (@brianonhere) shared the video with the text, “bro im crying lmao. of all the songs to use AI captions on.” As the jumbotron captions came on the screen while the national anthem was being sung, this is what people in the crowd saw:

---

During, “O’er the ramparts we watched,” the captions relayed the previous words in the song (“…broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight”) as, “STARS. PASS THROUGH THE PAYROLL. BUS FIRE.”

Then it continued, changing “O’er the ramparts we watched…” to: “OR THE RIGHT. HART TWEET WOW! TOUCHED WERE SO GALLANTLY STREAMING ME. IT’S RIGHT. THE BOMBS. FIRST EVENING. GAVE PROOF. THROUGH THE NIGHT. RIGHT THAT OUR FLAG WAS STILL THERE.”

You might think it was getting better, but oh no, we’re not done yet. Literally.

“OH SAY. AIN’T DONE. GUYS HAD STARTED. SUSPECT ANGLE. MADHU.” (That’s not even a word!) “LAY-UP AND, UH, THE FRIEND.”

Unfortunately, we don’t know how the caption interpreted the final line, “and the home of the brave,” but we probably don’t want to know.

Watch:

— (@)

People on the r/ripcity subreddit for fans of the Portland Trail Blazers shared their experiencing witnessing the closed caption fail:

“Captions were great tonight.”

“I never laughed so hard during the national anthem. That sh-t was bonkers.”

“That had to be on purpose, right? The entire section I was in was busting up reading them. Either it was on purpose by some funny intern or we have nothing to worry about with A.I. taking over any jobs at the Rose Garden.”

Seriously, it’s not likely the machines are going to take over any time soon if they can’t even get the national anthem lyrics right. They do provide for some fabulous entertainment in the meantime, though.

Thankfully, for the deaf people who rely on closed captioning to know what’s going on, the song is well known enough to recognize that the words on the screen were a total tech fail. Bring back the human typing in the words, folks! Some things machines just aren’t meant to do—at least not yet.

As people worry about whether artificial intelligence (AI) will replace people’s jobs, it appears at least one job is safe—the person who puts the closed captioning text on the jumbotron at sports events.

A video shared on X (formerly Twitter) shows what happened at a Portland Trail Blazers basketball game when some kind of automated closed captioning tool misheard the lyrics of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” You know, our country’s national anthem that pretty much every American knows by heart? And the captions it came up with were hilariously entertaining.

A guy named Brian (@brianonhere) shared the video with the text, “bro im crying lmao. of all the songs to use AI captions on.” As the jumbotron captions came on the screen while the national anthem was being sung, this is what people in the crowd saw:

---

During, “O’er the ramparts we watched,” the captions relayed the previous words in the song (“…broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight”) as, “STARS. PASS THROUGH THE PAYROLL. BUS FIRE.”

Then it continued, changing “O’er the ramparts we watched…” to: “OR THE RIGHT. HART TWEET WOW! TOUCHED WERE SO GALLANTLY STREAMING ME. IT’S RIGHT. THE BOMBS. FIRST EVENING. GAVE PROOF. THROUGH THE NIGHT. RIGHT THAT OUR FLAG WAS STILL THERE.”

You might think it was getting better, but oh no, we’re not done yet. Literally.

“OH SAY. AIN’T DONE. GUYS HAD STARTED. SUSPECT ANGLE. MADHU.” (That’s not even a word!) “LAY-UP AND, UH, THE FRIEND.”

Unfortunately, we don’t know how the caption interpreted the final line, “and the home of the brave,” but we probably don’t want to know.

Watch:

— (@)

People on the r/ripcity subreddit for fans of the Portland Trail Blazers shared their experiencing witnessing the closed caption fail:

“Captions were great tonight.”

“I never laughed so hard during the national anthem. That sh-t was bonkers.”

“That had to be on purpose, right? The entire section I was in was busting up reading them. Either it was on purpose by some funny intern or we have nothing to worry about with A.I. taking over any jobs at the Rose Garden.”

Seriously, it’s not likely the machines are going to take over any time soon if they can’t even get the national anthem lyrics right. They do provide for some fabulous entertainment in the meantime, though.

Thankfully, for the deaf people who rely on closed captioning to know what’s going on, the song is well known enough to recognize that the words on the screen were a total tech fail. Bring back the human typing in the words, folks! Some things machines just aren’t meant to do—at least not yet.