With his long-sought after tax returns now out in the open, Donald Trump is attempting to get ahead of the presumably bad headlines that are heading his way. After the Supreme Court surprisingly ruled against Trump, who personally picked nearly half of the sitting justices, the returns were made available by the House Ways and Means Committee on Friday, January 30.
Within hours Trump released a statement, but not on Truth Social. The former president had his spokesperson Liz Harrington deliver the news on Twitter where people might actually read it. There was also an ominous tone to the whole thing as Trump vowed that “horrible things” will now happen. Considering this is a guy who spurred a literal assault on the U.S. Capitol, that’s probably not great.
“The Democrats should have never done it, the Supreme Court should have never approved it, and it’s going to lead to horrible things for so many people,” Trump said. “The great USA divide will now grow far worse. The radical, left Democrats have weaponized everything, but remember, that is a dangerous two-way street!”
Trump continued to blast the Democrats for taking America down a “dangerous two-way street,” which definitely isn’t a threat. Haha, why would you think that? The former president also made sure to note that he’s very successful even though his tax returns will probably suggest otherwise. He’s great at business, you guys.
The radical, left Democrats have weaponized everything, but remember, that is a dangerous two-way street! The “Trump” tax returns once again show how proudly successful I have been and how I have been able to use depreciation and various other tax deductions as an incentive for creating thousands of jobs andmagnificent structures and enterprises.
“The Democrats should have never done it, the Supreme Court should have never approved it, and it’s going to lead to horrible things for so many people. The great USA divide will now grow far worse. The radical, left Democrats have weaponized…
Ja Morant told the world last week that he wasn’t worried about any team in the Western Conference, signaling his belief that his Memphis Grizzlies are ready to chase a title. His performance this season mostly backs that up: 27.1 points per game and career highs in rebounds and assists. As of this writing, Memphis is 21-13, third in the West standings and second in net rating among West teams.
There is, however, a question that needs to be answered: Are the Grizzlies on track to rise above the squads on the other side of the Mississippi and make good on Morant’s fighting words?
Since Morant’s viral quote, the Grizzlies have losses to Golden State and Phoenix despite being at full health. That’s not to mention a double-digit L in Denver on national TV just before Morant gave his interview. The only game during that stretch in which he didn’t put up at least 34 points came on Thursday, when he had a career-high 17 assists to go along with 19 points against Toronto.
These aren’t outlier performances: Morant’s usage and assist rates this year would be, by far, career highs. We don’t know yet what type of player Morant will be at his peak, but considering the ways in which he can control games when he’s feeling his jumper and manipulating passing angles, his destiny seems more evolutionary Jason Kidd than Russell Westbrook. That means he needs to find the right supporting cast, like Kidd did in Phoenix and New Jersey. This season, despite a slight dip in efficiency (especially at the rim), he is backing up his bravado with incredible production.
As for the supporting cast, Memphis’ front office has chosen to be patient in the early part of Morant’s career, surrounding him with versatile, raw prospects to play Morant’s preferred physical, up-tempo style. They’ve gotten great value on those mid-to-late first round picks, from Brandon Clarke at No. 21, to Desmond Bane at No. 30, to Ziaire Williams at No. 11, to this year’s intriguing tandem of Jake LaRavia and David Roddy. The downside to this kind of slow build is it leaves them in a position in which nobody in their rotation is older than 30 — the exception is Danny Green, who is hurt — and most of the bench is made up of players on their first NBA contract.
Of course, this team-building strategy also gives the Grizzlies a higher ceiling. Before missing a month with a toe injury, Bane was playing out of his mind, averaging 24.6 points per game on 46 percent shooting from the field and 45 percent from deep to go along with 4.8 assists. Jaren Jackson Jr. has reached an even higher ceiling as a defender in 2022, ranking first overall in Defensive Effective Plus-Minus and gobbling up nearly six (!) combined steals and blocks per 36 minutes. The Grizzlies’ defense is 9.2 points better per 100 possessions when Jackson is on the floor, according to Cleaning the Glass, and lineups with both Jackson and center Steven Adams allow just 100.7 points per 100 possessions, nearly 10 points better than the top defensive rating in the NBA. If Bane and Jackson can stay healthy (and in Jackson’s case, avoid foul trouble), they are the perfect co-stars — on both ends of the floor — to help lead the Grizzlies where Morant wants to go.
But even in a world where he is healthy for a full postseason run again, Jackson is still developing on the offensive end. The tools are all there, he’s just 23, and he’s having one of the most efficient offensive seasons of his young career. Having said that, Jackson’s high-level scoring touch and ball skills (for a 7-footer) aren’t a huge difference-maker for Memphis yet. Most of the time, his scoring chances come via spot-up threes, attacking closeouts, or quick post-ups against mismatches. More than half — 57.4 percent — of his field goal attempts come without dibbling first, per NBA.com. He’s a solid offensive player who is still dependent on other players to help him score.
More likely this season is that Bane, who will be 25 come playoff time, rises to meet Morant as a championship-level second option. There are few players in the NBA whose development means more than the dead-eye shooter. Bane is getting to the rim more this season and has more than doubled his free-throw rate from last season. He’s also taking 3.9 pull-up threes per game compared to just three last season. These are signals that he is ready to be more of a shot creator for Memphis as opposed to someone who feeds off the gravity Morant creates.
Add in Bane’s very good defensive chops and he is the perfect backcourt mate for Morant, particularly when the postseason runs around and the ability to win games on both ends of the floor becomes all the more important. Lineups featuring both Morant and Bane are outscoring opponents by 17.9 points per 100 possessions, per Cleaning the Glass. If Bane is ready to go toe-to-toe with other elite second bananas like Jamal Murray, Paul George, and Brandon Ingram, the Grizzlies can win multiple playoff rounds without much change.
If there’s one thing Morant’s comments illustrated, it’s that the West truly is wide open. There’s nobody he needed to make an exception for because there’s no obvious favorite. That makes it all the more intriguing to imagine what could be if the Memphis front office shifts into attack mode.
Assuming the Grizzlies get the best out of Morant, Bane, Jackson, and Adams come playoff time, it’s tough to find a fifth player to complete their closing lineup. Dillon Brooks is a dogged defender and never lacks confidence, which is why he’s earned the starting spot as of today. While he is foul-prone and streaky on his worst days, Brooks has come in with better shot selection this season playing the most minutes of his career.
But Memphis can improve upon that spot in the lineup in the short-term, and in the long-term, Brooks will be a free agent in 2023. If Memphis could rely on Williams, who turned 21 in September, to be the player he was after last season’s All-Star break, he’d be a logical option, but he’s 3-for-26 from deep this year and has a sky-high turnover rate. Green is a cagey veteran, but he’s recovering from a torn ACL, so it would be hard to project him being a crunch time player in four months. LaRavia and Roddy are probably too young. John Konchar is solid too, but elite opposing scorers can beat him off the bounce.
Could Memphis, which is flush with young players, draft capital, and contracts they can use to make these sorts of deals feasible, become a logical buyer as the trade deadline nears? They were a fashionable choice to pursue Kevin Durant, even if that seemed to be more of a plausible landing spot based on what Durant wanted than a thing that ever had legs. Local Grizzlies host Chris Vernon has been vocal about wanting OG Anunoby on the team, but Toronto rarely trades its homegrown talent away and Anunoby’s apparent desire to have a bigger role might not mesh with being on the same roster as Morant and Bane. And for all the things they possess in their war chest of players and picks, other teams could outbid them for Durant, Anunoby, and other big-name trade targets, unless they put a player like Bane or Jackson on the table, which runs the risk of upending what is being built.
Still, Memphis is in a position to do something if they so choose. Could they stack the salaries of Green or Brooks plus someone like Clarke, along with some combination of picks, for Kyle Kuzma? Maybe they deal Brooks/Green, a less-heralded youngster like Xavier Tillman, and a pick for Detroit’s Bojan Bogdanovic? Neither is a perfect fit, but it would at least give Memphis a more reliable rotation option for the biggest moments of the season.
In a bad recent home loss to Phoenix (without Devin Booker), the Grizzlies scored just 83.5 points per 100 possessions in the halfcourt, a mark far worse than Houston’s league-worst scoring rate. Memphis is 25th in halfcourt offense overall. At the very least, Kuzma or Bogdanovic would perk up the offense when it struggles in slower-paced moments. That might be all they need to match the Nuggets, Warriors, and other top West teams who’ve bested them lately.
Morant is ready for those moments. He’s out here telling us as much. The Grizzlies are getting there, too. Core players can use the rest of the season to build on strong starts, and if healthy, the team can finally gel after years of injuries. But perhaps most importantly, Memphis’ front office could absorb Morant’s signal and act aggressively, catapulting them from up-and-comers with a shot to the favorites to make it out of the West.
Last week, Tory Lanez was convicted of assault, negligently discharging a firearm, and illegal possession of that firearm after being accused of shooting Megan Thee Stallion in the feet in 2020. During the week-long trial, the jury heard from witnesses including Megan Thee Stallion herself and a local resident of the neighborhood in which the shooting occurred, as well as the recorded statement from Meg’s friend Kelsey Harris and a jail phone call from Lanez to Harris in which Tory appears to apologize for the shooting.
Now, after the trial concluded, some of that evidence has become public record after the audio from Tory’s jail call surfaced online. Although Tory’s defense tried to portray the call as the rapper apologizing for allegedly pitting the two friends against each other, the jury saw it as a damning admission of guilt. Along with Harris’ testimony, it was enough to convince them that he had pulled the trigger. While some observers had remained skeptical of the reporting of the trial by reputable outlets such as Rolling Stone and the Los Angeles Times, preferring to be informed by unlicensed gossip blogs, it appears that with this information becoming widely available, perceptions are beginning to shift on social media, where Megan Thee Stallion was dragged through the mud in attempts to discredit her on behalf of the accused.
The veracity of the audio recording has been confirmed by reporters who were present for the trial, including Law Crime News’ Meghann Cuniff, who has acquired the cheeky nickname “Meghann Thee Reporter” on Twitter for her work during the trial. Meanwhile, Tory Lanez awaits sentencing after being convicted; he faces up to 22 years in prison and deportation back to Canada.
I can easily confirm that the audio floating around of Tory Lanez’s jail call to Kelsey, the gunshots, Kelsey’s interview with prosecutors etc are authentic. Court can release exhibits after trials, and that’s what happened here. I don’t have my own copies yet but will soon.
Even with 3 eyewitnesses including herself as a victim, bullet fragments in her feet, video of her bleeding from her feet- There were people who chose not to believe her rather than to believe something that made no sense at all. It was not until some heard Tory himself
That satisfied the minds of those who are absurdly and delusionally skeptical about What happened to Meg, but finally hearing an audio recording of the person who committed the act of violence against her apologetic for having wronged her. That audio isn’t a surprise- it’s been
The saddest part of the Tory Lanez jail call is him being so certain that he would get all the backlash cause even he couldn’t fathom why Megan the victim would get any…but misogynoir worked, and they done flipped it to a point where Tory didn’t even expect the support he got pic.twitter.com/hbm8YBncwz
In June, Logic spoke with Zane Lowe about the challenges of being a target for internet trolls. “I wanted to step away from the negativity,” he said, in part. “Not like I’m trying to hide from it and this and that, but just like, ‘Dude, I need a break.’” Logic’s online behavior is generally positive, such as his “Like A Playwright” freestyle posted to Instagram this week. Another antidote for internet negativity is spreading holiday cheer IRL, which Logic also did.
On Thursday, December 28, the multiplatinum rapper and best-selling author wandered the streets and offered strangers $100 if they won impromptu rock, paper, scissors matchups. One woman wished Logic a merry Christmas after winning her $100, to which Logic replied, “Happy Kwanzaa!” Another guy couldn’t believe Logic was serious. “Is it for real?” he asked.
Logic responded, “Yeah, yeah. You got it, man. Get out of here. Don’t spend it all on blow. That’s a joke. Could you imagine?”
Hours before that video, Logic also posted an Instagram clip of him bumping into someone named Archie and offering to buy him a Revolvr sweater for Christmas. After that purchase was completed, Logic took him to Lark to shop for crystal candles. Despite Logic’s generosity, Archie still named Future as his favorite rapper. “I love this kid,” Logic said, laughing.
While nothing seems to beat the appeal of a piney, dank, slightly bitter IPA when it comes to craft beer drinkers, in recent years you’ve probably seen a lot more lagers at your favorite craft breweries. Even though drinkers still enjoy hazy, Juicy New England-style IPAs and even barrel-aged stouts, there seems to be an increase in the popularity of classic pilsners, Czech-style lagers, and other easy-drinking, refreshing beers.
Of course, this isn’t exactly new. It’s a boom, for sure, but beer fans have always enjoyed the clean, crisp taste of a well-made lager. Don’t believe us? Just as the brewers themselves. They can get in on the hype wagon when it comes to new beer styles just like anyone. But many always go back to lagers.
That’s why we decided to reach out to them and get the real scoop on lagers. We asked a handful of well-known craft beer experts and brewers to tell us the one lagers they’ll always crack open, any time of the year. Keep scrolling to see their crispy, refreshing picks.
Oskar Blues Mama’s Yella Pils is essentially a de facto regular beer in my friend group. Whether it’s an opening beer at dinner or beers between volleyball games, a beer post-ride at the trailhead, Mama’s is a common sight. The 15-packs are about as affordable as many macros, and it tastes a hell of a lot better.
Tasting Notes:
The nose starts with gentle Noble hop aroma. This leads to a crisp, refreshing palate of biscuit-like malts, cereal grains, and floral, herbal hops at the finish.
Bier Beer. Peter Mumford’s house beer from Mumford Brewing. With a name like that, you should have a pretty good idea about what you’re going to get. It’s just a classic, easy-drinking lager.
Tasting Notes:
Light, clean, doughy but crisp, modern hopping but appropriate on the IBU. Refreshing from every angle.
Don’t laugh: Hamm’s. Tell me it was brewed by a small, lager-focused craft brewery and I’d believe you. Until I saw the receipt, anyway.
Tasting Notes:
Of the mass-market, always-available lagers, it’s easily the most flavorful, with gentle corn flavors balanced by crackers and a whiff of Noble hops.
Road Map Alright, Alright, Alright Pilsner
Road Map
Wes Burbank, head brewer at Flix Brewhouse in San Antonio
ABV: 4.6%
Average Price: Limited Availability
The Beer:
Alright, Alright, Alright Pilsner from Roadmap Brewing in San Antonio. It’s my go-to after work beer most days and the brewery is fairly close to my house.
Tasting Notes:
It’s just a perfectly balanced Pils and hits a great balance of flavor, hoppiness, and crushability. It also picked up a Gold at GABF this year, so I guess at least a few other people agree.
I usually have some Pfriem Pilsner in the fridge. It’s clean and crisp, and a great go-to. This 4.9% ABV pilsner is brewed with Gambrinus, Weyermann German Pilsner malts as well as Cara Foam and Acidulated malts. It gets its bright, hoppy flavor from the addition of Perle, Saphir, Tettnang, and Spalt Select.
Tasting Notes:
It’s crisp, light, and easy drinking with notes of cereal grains, honey, freshly cut grass, caramel malts, and Noble hops.
You will find Helles from Bierstadt Lagerhaus in my fridge a lot. While its counterpart, Slow Pour Pils, gets most of the attention, I tend to enjoy Helles more.
Tasting Notes:
It’s easy drinking and light but has slightly less hop character and slightly more malt character than a pilsner which makes them just a bit easier to drink more than one.
3 Sheeps Pils
3 Sheeps
Garth E. Beyer, certified Cicerone® and owner and founder of Garth’s Brew Bar in Madison, Wisconsin
3 Sheeps Brewing says their 3 Sheeps Pils’s flavor profile is “crushable” and I couldn’t agree more. This pilsner is like a liquid corn stalk – cob, stalk, and all. There’s a beautiful slickness to the beer that makes taking care of a six-pack a one-person job.
Tasting Notes:
It balances graininess with corn sweetness. The cascade hops are so simple and dialed back that you get to experience the real flavors of malt in a light lager format.
T.F. Granary Kellerbier
T.F.
Max Shafer, brewmaster at Roadhouse Brewing in Jackson Hole, Wyoming
ABV: 5%
Average Price: Limited Availability
The Beer:
Salt Lake City, Utah is just a stone’s throw away from us in Jackson – and it is home to some really great breweries. My favorite of the bunch is T.F. Brewing, and my go-to from them is their 3-time GABF medal-winning ‘Granary Kellerbier.’ T.F. doesn’t do much distribution, so when I find myself in Salt Lake, I stock up on this classic, highly drinkable Kellerbier.
Tasting Notes:
It isn’t every day that you find a lager as smooth and as crisp as this one. Utilizing German malt and hops, this beer is bound to transport you to your favorite biergarten in Munich.
Honest Weight Prescott. Named after one of the Western Massachusetts towns that was flooded nearly a century ago to create the Quabbin Reservoir, Boston’s primary water source, Prescott is a German-style Pilsner that never disappoints.
Tasting Notes:
A subtle Bavarian water profile, German malt, and noble hops set the stage for an effervescent and crispy crusher that leaves you wanting little else …other than to know when the next release will be.
Hacker Pschorr Oktoberfest is my go-to in the Fall. It’s a solid and traditional Oktoberfest that I look forward to every year. If we’re talking all year long, I stick with the iconic German brewery and drink their classic Hallertau hop-filled kellerbier.
Tasting Notes:
This unfiltered beer is known for its crisp, easy-drinking flavor profile featuring honey, freshly baked bread, caramel, and floral, earthy hops.
Colombian producer Ovy On The Drums is stepping into the spotlight. The hit-maker behind Karol G‘s songs teamed up with Puerto Rican superstar Ozuna for his animated “Chao Bebe” music video that was released today (December 30).
Ovy On The Drums is best known as Karol G’s longtime producer. This past year, he produced her global hits like “Provenza,” “Mamiii” with Becky G, and “Cairo,” on which he also features. For his own single “Chao Bebe,” Ovy On The Drums joined forces with Ozuna. He blends reggaeton music beats with an EDM edge. In the kiss-off club banger, Ozuna sings about moving on from a toxic relationship with a dismissive “chao.”
“‘Chao Bebe’ has all the makings of a global hit,” Ovy On The Drums said in a statement. “When I was in the studio working on the track, I immediately had the idea of calling Ozuna to jump on this song. I’m very excited about the final results and I hope you can enjoy it to the fullest as we close this year and welcome 2023.”
In the “Chao Bebe” video, computer-animated versions of Ovy On The Drums and Ozuna are shown inside a scientist’s lab creating the song. Ovy On The Drums launched his music career as an artist in 2020 with the release of “Sigo Buscandote” featuring Mau y Ricky. Karol G and Danny Ocean joined him later that year for his other hit “Miedito o Qué?”
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
It’s time to stock your bar cart with really good Scotch single malt whisky for New Year’s Eve 2022. I’m not talking about blended malts (a blend of multiple single malts) or blended whiskies (a blend of single malt and single grain whiskies) either. I’m talking about the good stuff made from one single malt whisky that you can use for sipping and mixing all night as you await the ball drop and 2023.
For this list, I’m calling out 10 bottles of Scotch single malt whisky that I’d be totally down to drink neat, on the rocks, in a highball, or in a cocktail this weekend — I’ll indicate which is which in the “Bottom Line” of each entry. Overall, these are whiskies that deliver big flavor notes without breaking the bank.
The best part? They’re all under $100.
Lastly, you should be able to actually find all of these whiskies pretty easily at any given (good) whisky shop. Or just click on the prices to see if you can get them delivered to your region. It’s that easy, folks, so let’s dive right in!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Scotch Whisky Posts of The Last Six Months
This Highland malt is the cornerstone of the much-beloved Dewar’s Blended Scotch. This whisky is a very accessible single malt that spends 12 years resting in various casks before it’s married and proofed down and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The heart of the nose is in the mingling of pear and honey with a hint of Christmas spice, especially nutmeg.
Palate: The palate expands on that with a lush maltiness, creamy vanilla, mild spice, and more of that honey and orchard fruit.
Finish: The end gets slightly nutty and bitter with a little water as the honey, fruit, and spice linger on the senses.
Bottom Line:
This is a great place to start. Aberfeldy 12 is the perfect cocktail and highball whisky. It shines with good fizzy water and a lemon or orange peel. It also makes one hell of a penicillin cocktail. While you could pour this over some rocks or drink it neat (I’m not going to stop you), you really want to stick to mixing with it.
This is one of the most awarded single malts ever. The juice is matured in ex-bourbon casks in Talisker’s warehouse which is literally feet away from the sea. The subtly peated malts take on a real seaside feel as those years tick past, creating a whisky that will not disappoint.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The nose opens with this soft sense of pitted orchard fruits next to a thin line of beach campfire smoke far off in the distance with a hint of minerality and bright spiced malts.
Palate: The palate has a hint of an oyster shell that leads to dried pears and apricot with a hint of warmth and spice malt next to dry sweetgrass.
Finish: The end is full of lightly smoked plums with a touch of cardamom and cinnamon next to sea salt and a final whiff of that beach campfire way down the beach somewhere.
Bottom Line:
This is the quintessential single malt with a dash of peated depth. Overall, I like this over the rocks. That said, you can mix this into a nice boulevardier or briny highball with a fresh oyster shooter on the side.
This year’s Càirdeas release celebrates the Friends of Laphroaig and how they keep the brand going. The whisky in the bottle is made from Laphroaig’s high-phenol peated malt right next to the sea on Islay. The hot spirit was then filled in first-fill limited edition single barrel Maker’s Mark bourbon barrels. The barrels were then stored in the famed four-story Warehouse 1 right next to the crashing sea until they were just right and then bottled as-is after vatting.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The nose opens with a huge note of smoked grainy malts next to an un-opened box of Band-Aids, peppery smoked brisket with plenty of smoked fat, and smoked sea salt counterpointed by vanilla sheet cake with a honey icing and dusted with cinnamon and nutmeg.
Palate: The palate opens with burnt yet buttery toffee next to white wildflowers, dried fennel, and rich and creamy honey smoothness and sweetness.
Finish: The end gets a little woody with a fatty smoked peppery vibe next to more toffee and a dash of seawater-washed granite.
Bottom Line:
This is for the peat heads who might be at your NYE party. It’s smoky and earthy AF with a deep medicinal vibe. I don’t drink this stuff — I like my peaties more fruity and BBQ pit forward, not floral and medicinal — but I have deep respect for the incredible quality of this heavily peated malt.
This is the whisky that launched the “double aging” trend back in 1982. This unpeated single malt spends 12 years mellowing in ex-bourbon casks before it’s transferred to ex-sherry casks for a final maturation of nine months. Finally, the whisky is vatted in a “tun” where it rests for three to four months before proofing and bottling.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Soft and floral honey mix with a hint of vanilla extract, sweet red berries, and wine-soaked oak.
Palate: The palate meanders through light touches of marzipan with a hint of cinnamon and fields of plum trees with a whisper of tree bark and leather lurking in the background.
Finish: The finish lets the spicy malt kick in with a dose of hot cinnamon and honey tobacco.
Bottom Line:
This is a great utility pour. It works wonders in any whisky cocktail that you want to make while also working perfectly well on the rocks or in a highball.
This Highland whisky is a gateway whisky that feels like a classic. The juice is aged in ex-bourbon for nearly a decade. The whisky is then transferred to former sherry casks for that crucial finishing touch of maturation for around three years. It’s then proofed down to a very accessible 80 proof.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Oranges studded with cloves mingle with a deep dark chocolate foundation and a hint of eggnog creaminess and spiciness.
Palate: The palate goes even deeper on the orange and spice as heavy vanilla arrives — the husks, seeds, and oils are all present.
Finish: The end is fairly succinct and touches back on the chocolate with a bitter mocha-coffee vibe and more vanilla.
Bottom Line:
This feels like winter in glass (it’s not the only whisky on this list to achieve that), meaning it’s the perfect seasonal pairing whisky. That aside, I’d lean toward either mixing this into a simple highball or good soda water and a twist of orange peel or just sipping it neat by the fire.
Revival 15 takes its sherried nature very seriously. The juice is aged in a combination of Pedro Ximénez and Oloroso sherry casks for 15 long years. Those casks are married and this whisky is brought down to a very easy-drinking 92 proof with that soft Highland water.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Dark berry brambles with tart and sweet fruit, stems, thorns, and even a little black dirt draw you in on the nose with a hint of walnut shell and cherry pie.
Palate: The palate is a creamy-yet-bitter dark chocolate orange that leads toward a semi-savory fig countered by ripe apricot.
Finish: The chocolate comes back with cinnamon spice and more dark berries and walnut at the end.
Bottom Line:
Yet another wintry classic, this really is a great neat sipper. That said, I do prefer this poured over one large ice cube in a rocks glass. It just shines when sipped that way.
A’bunadh (ah-boon-arh) means “the original” in Gaelic and the whisky in this Highland bottle represents that for Aberlour. The whisky is matured in old Oloroso sherry casks exclusively. The whisky then goes into the bottle at cask strength, unfussed with.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: That sherry plumminess is evident right up top, with hints of bright orange oils, clumps of dark chocolate, honey, and nuts, and a hint of oak.
Palate: The taste shines with notes of dark, ripe cherries, prunes, more bright orange zest, dark chocolate, and a good measure of svelte vanilla.
Finish: The slow finish leaves you with a creamy mouthfeel next to bitter chocolate next to sweet cherries and plums, all of which lead towards a warming spice on the tongue at the end.
Bottom Line:
This is the last of the super holiday-driven pours. It’s perfect in a neat Glencairn glass — you’ll be in for a long and rewarding nosing and tasting experience. It also works really well over a big rock thanks to the high ABVs. Lastly, replace your bourbon or rye with this in a Manhattan (a Rob Roy, really) for a killer NYE cocktail.
The Beast of Dufftown hails from a tiny yet beloved Speyside distillery. The actual whisky is also made on their smallest still, nicknamed “Wee Witchie.” That juice then goes into ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks for 12 years. Finally, those whiskies are married, proofed, and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: This is subtle yet engaging with a nose of almost burnt toffee next to bright red berries, mild spice, hints of oak, and a bit of cedar.
Palate: The palate leans into the berries by becoming jammy with more of that toffee and a mild sense of spicy tobacco arriving late.
Finish: The end is long-ish with a plummy chew next to that tobacco and malty spice.
Bottom Line:
The Mortlach is what you break out and drink neat with the true whisky lovers in your crew. This is a niche brand that makes delectable whisky for true believer Scotch whisky drinkers.
This is a quintessential Islay peaty whisky. The juice is aged in a combo of Pedro Ximénez, charred virgin oak, and ex-bourbon casks before being married and rested again in Ardbeg’s bespoke oak “Gathering Vat,” allowing the whiskies to really meld into a cohesive pour.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: Slow-smoked peaches mingle with soft cherrywood and a bundle of smoky savory herbs — sage, rosemary, ramps — on the nose.
Palate: The palate is soft and buttery with a sweet burnt toffee vibe next to nutmeg, walnut, Earl Grey, and maybe a touch of woody maple syrup.
Finish: The end takes its time and meanders through salted black licorice, wild florals, more singed savory herbs, and a hint of black-pepper-covered brisket fat that’s been heavily smoked over sea-soaked driftwood.
Bottom Line:
This is the perfect pairing whisky for a big holiday meal, smoked joint of meat, and buffet of holiday desserts. It’s peated — sure — but that ashy peatiness is more tied to smoked and roasted meats and dark fruits than Band-Aids and ashtrays. This is especially good over some ice with a dash of Angostura bitters.
This brand-new release is the third collaboration between Lagavulin and Nick Offerman. This time around, the team at Lagavulin took 11-year-old malt and finished it in heavily charred casks that used to hold bourbon and red wine. Those barrels were then batched and built around flavor notes that pair perfectly with a steak dinner.
Tasting Notes:
Nose: The nose opens with a rich peatiness that’s tied to pecan chocolate clusters and dried cranberries with a dusting of sea salt, burnt orange zest, and fine nutmeg.
Palate: The palate dips those red tart berries in dark salted chocolate with cinnamon bark and clove buds next to espresso cream and a whisper of malty vanilla wafers with fresh honey in between.
Finish: The end has this enigmatic mix of smoked toffee, salted black licorice, and brandied cherries wrapped in cinnamon-laced tobacco and folded into an old cedar box.
Bottom Line:
This pull is part conversation starter — surely there will be some Nick Offerman fans in your crew — and a part solid sipper. The easy-going peated Islay whisky is built toward American palates that know bourbon but want more earthy depth and less sweetness. Pour it over some rocks, grill up that on-the-bone steak, and bake a pecan pie. You’ll be set for a long night with good food, whisky, and conversation.
The appeal of true crime has long endured on TV, yet the genre kicked into high gear on streaming with services carving out their space. Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, and Apple TV+ each made strong showings this year with several entries making our Top 50 list of all time. Below, you’ll find our Top 10 (11, actually) picks for 2022, and the criteria happens to be simple. First, these shows (and one film) all entertained, and second, they all scared the bejesus out of us. Hopefully, they terrified the hell out of you, too.
This limited series brings us one of Ray Liotta’s final onscreen appearances, and yes, you’ll soon see him in the flat-out crazyCocaine Bear, but first, prepare yourself for six hours of flat-out intensity. Liotta portrays Big Jim Keene, a veteran cop and dad to Taron Egerton’s Jimmy in this Dennis Lehane-produced adaptation of Jimmy’s In With The Devil: A Fallen Hero, A Serial Killer, and A Dangerous Bargain for Redemption memoir. The drug-dealing Jimmy does end up in hell, meaning that he takes an FBI deal to go undercover at a max-security prison, where he ends up tangling with Larry Hall, a serial killer played by Paul Walter Hauser. Surely, you’ve seen his work before, and he’s at his unsettling best in this unyieldingly tense series that never takes its foot off the gas.
10. TIE. Crime Scene: The Texas Killing Fields (Netflix series)
Netflix
Not too many bread-and-butter true crime series rose to the top of the crop this year, but the latest entry in Joe Berlinger’s Crime Scene made the grade. Berlinger’s anthology series revolves around settings as central characters that (arguably) aid and abet the flourishing of violent crimes. And as with the Cecil Hotel, there’s definitely a vibe that helps one understand why the so-called “Texas Killing Fields” were plenty spooky enough before bodies were discovered. In this case, Calder Road (part of the marshy surroundings between Galveston and Houston) turned into a focal point connected to the disappearance of four young women, whose murders remain cold cases to this day. This series traces decades of history tied to Calder Road’s ominous vibe, led by one grieving father who’s still searching for the truth.
It was a tough call to leave Inventing Anna off this list (especially since Julia Garner remained fantastic even while delivering Anna Delvey’s cryptic accent). Yet that series bore such a strong (thematic) resemblance to The Dropout with smaller stakes, so the Elizabeth Holmes-tracking series made the cut. Amanda Seyfried picks up the role of an enigma wrapped in a Steve Jobs-style black turtleneck, an image that launched “the world’s youngest self-made woman billionaire.” As the world now knows, Holmes pulled the blood-testing wool over the entire biotech industry’s eyes. This series dove into that phenomenon while Holmes’ real-life trial played out amid similar fates for several other grifters. Yet what was it, exactly, that made both that industry and our culture want to believe in Holmes’ deep-throated lies? That’s the scariest part, and Seyfried’s performance goes a long way to inform us of the “why.”
Actors sure do appear to target “unrecognizable” as the true mark of a fine performance, but Jessica Biel delivers the theatrical goods through her bewigged Candy Montgomery, whose neighbor (Betty Gore) somehow ended up being on the receiving end of dozens of fatal ax wounds. Betty is, of course, portrayed by Melanie Lynskey, who’s had a hell of a year between this series and Yellowjackets success. The attraction of this series is not so much about suspense or the crime itself but more about the dynamic between Candy and Betty (and various third parties) as their dynamic devolves.
If you ever needed the motivation to stay away from online dating apps, this 94-minute case study is for you. Simon Leviev is actually still out there hunting (after serving time on fraud and forgery charges), and this series reveals how he methodically scammed the hell out of a series of unsuspecting women. Before they knew what was happening, they’d been wined and dined on another woman’s dime before Leviev — who masqueraded as a diamond-empire heir — also defrauded them while claiming to be in fear for his life. This is a heartbreaking series to watch for several reasons, but it’s also a cautionary tale that can make a real impact upon audiences. After all, the stranger-danger sixth sense exists for a reason.
I, Tonya director Craig Gillespie did it again. He helmed a project that was a freaking blast but also revolved around a central crime (the theft and leaking of a sex tape) that paved the way for a sh*t ton of emotional devastation. Gillespie delivered the goods through a sleight of hand that managed to balance the rock-and-roll spirit of this project with fallout that plagues Pamela Anderson to this day. It’s also not lost on anyone that Pamela’s humiliation ultimately sourced from a beef between two dudes, and Lily James delivered an anchoring performance that humanized the whole project amid theatrical flourishes from Sebastian Stan. In the end, this show went to dark places but also made plenty of time for spectacle, including tossing around mullets (atop Seth Rogen and Nick Offerman) like it ain’t no thing.
Few people would argue that this is an objectively good show. In fact, this series made a lot of people angry due to the lack of a definitive ending, but that’s also true to the real-life inspiration (an investigative report from The Cut) for this story. Hell, that might be one of the only parts of this tale that matches up to what actually happened, but this was a compelling series that allowed its actors (including Margo Martindale, Mia Farrow, and yes, Bobby Cannavale) to have a ball with alternately dodging and claiming responsibility for the terrorizing letters that arrived when a family moved into a dream home. What transpired was a nightmare full of red herrings that batted around the subject matter like a sweet little bunny, and the fact that all of this is forgivable is a testament to Ryan Murphy’s producing skills. He knows exactly what makes the streaming audience tune in, and a devilish Jennifer Coolidge capped off a delightful mess. Somehow, a second season is coming, so that’ll be fun.
Hoo boy. I recently rewatched this 4-part series and caught plenty of previously missed cues, which is a sure sign of a successful (and triggering) true-crime story. Celebrity NYC restauranteur Sarma Melngailis, wasn’t too happy with this show’s ending, which she called “misleading,” but the series as a whole is mesmerizing for the level of control that she progressively yielded to the dastardly Anthony Strangis (who previously operated as “Shane Fox”). The sunk-cost fallacy is strong with Sarma, and she actually did hard time at Riker’s Island. This leaves one to wonder exactly how she let her entire business go down the tubes for the promise of dog immortality, but that’s only the beginning. You might grow exasperated with Sarma’s behavior, but there’s a huge mic drop in the middle of Episode 3 that proves how people can present greater horrors than the supernatural.
3. Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix series)
Netflix
Ryan Murphy can’t stop, and although I didn’t particularly enjoy this grody series (you are no doubt aware of the nature of Dahmer’s crimes), there’s no denying that people couldn’t stop clicking. The show swiftly racked up a billion hours of streaming time, and it’s no wonder why. Evan Peters truly unsettled as a predator who carried out ungodly crimes from within his Wisconsin apartment, even while remarks about “that smell” didn’t seem to deter him. If you’re one of the few Internet souls who didn’t catch this show, make sure that you don’t eat too much before settling down to binge. Soon enough, Monster will return in anthologized form while focusing upon a different serial killer.
This dramatization of the Michael Peterson story — which follows Jean-Xavier de Lestrade’s instant-classic docuseries, also called The Staircase — set out to do a few impossible things. Yes, it succeeded at justifying its own existence, and yes, it went to graphic lengths to reenact speculative theories on how Kathleen Peterson could have died, and it managed to do so without cheapening the subject matter. In fact, Toni Collette’s performance went miles to respectfully wrap its hands around Kathleen’s memory, and Colin Firth deftly kept everyone guessing about Michael’s motives and actions. The show skillfully dances around some of the more extraordinary (and somehow plausible) explanations for Kathleen’s fate without reducing her to an autopsy report. It’s not the easiest watch, but you won’t be able to turn it off, either.
Now for something completely different. This series will hit the spot for who’s still salty about how True Detective‘s second season shook out. The story is based upon Jon Krakauer’s non-fiction bestseller, for which A Story of Violent Faith is a subtitle, so you can accurately guess that things don’t go well for the character played by Daisy Edgar-Jones (who also had quite an ordeal in this year’s Fresh). The story presents a husband-as-suspect to a double murder, but it swiftly becomes apparent that there’s much more going on, and Andrew Garfield shines as a detective who’s also a devout Latter Day Saints member. Those lingering Spidey senses do still come in handy for him, as well as for this show’s audience. Cue some swirling conspiracies that the Mormon church hasn’t enjoyed IRL, which means that this one strikes a chord on multiple levels. That’s a hallmark of an enduring true-crime show, for sure.
Randomly dropping a promo poster early this morning, YG Entertainment is set to unveil the YG Next Movement project right when South Korea rings in the new year at midnight (January 1 at 12 a.m. KST). The poster features seven silhouettes in front of a red-lit backdrop — which one can assume is the fourth generation girl group to debut from the South Korean music giant.
Just hours after the surprise announcement, and Twitter claiming it to be noise marketing, YG ties the knot on their contract discussions and rumors by denying the reports regarding Blackpink’s move to its subsidiary label, THEBLACKLABEL.
In the midst of boy group iKON and actor Kang Dong Won’s departure from the label yesterday, a report from The Korean Herald’s K-Pop Herald stated the K-pop quartet may potentially move to the label once contracts are done.
A representative of YG Entertainment responded in return, stating members of Blackpink still have time on their contracts before they make a decision. The girl group is currently on the European leg of their Born Pink World Tour, and will soon embark on the Asian leg next month.
I love tea. White tea, green tea, black tea, mate, rooibos, gossip, psychedelic tea, herbal tea… if you can steep it in boiling water and turn it into a beverage, I’ve probably drunk it and loved it. Give it to me hot, give it to me iced, sweetened, unsweetened, I’ll drink it down. So when I set out to blind taste test every bottled and canned tea beverage we could find I knew it would be a good time.
And then I remembered something — tea is best enjoyed right after being brewed. After it has chilled in a bottle for who knows how long, it loses that special essence that makes tea such a delicious drink. Which is why bottled tea is usually packed with sugar. When you brew tea for the proper amount of time (3 minutes for green, 5 for black, 7+ for anything herbal) the leaves and flowers evolve into a complex expression that can taste grassy, floral, vegetal, rich, malty, toasted, chocolaty, savory, bitter, and sweet — no sugar or artificial flavors required.
If you’re a true die-hard tea drinker like me, you’ve probably been offered tea before and immediately asked “what kind?” Only to be told “we have black and green,” to which you asked once again, “but what kind?” It’s an annoying line of questioning but there is a whole lot of difference between something like a pearl jasmine green tea and a gunpowder Genmaicha, or a Darjeeling and an English Breakfast. And don’t even get me started on Chai and Matcha! Once you know all of that, it’s impossible to go back to being fine with “black or green” as a descriptor. That’s like saying “we have clear alcohol and dark.”
Unfortunately, this test revealed that bottled tea doesn’t really have that level of complexity — so if you like tea but have no f*cking clue what I’m talking about, fear not. This article is still for you. Here are the best bottled and canned teas, blind taste tested and ranked.
PART I — Methodology
For this blind taste test, I tasted 16 different varieties of bottled and canned tea from local gas station convenience stores as well as 7-Elevens in my area. I had each tea served chilled (as that is how they are sold) and randomly poured for me. I didn’t differentiate between sweetened, unsweetened, black, green, or herbal varieties. If it contained tea or some sort of steeped herb extract, I considered it fair game.
Here is our class:
7-Eleven — Green Tea Flavored With Ginseng And Honey
7-Eleven — Sweet Tea
Arizona — Green Tea With Ginseng and Honey
Arizona — Iced Tea with Lemon
Arizona — RX Energy Herbal Tonic
Gold Peak — Sweet Tea
Gold Peak — Unsweetened Tea
Guayaki Organic Yerba Mate — BluePhoria
Guayaki Organic Yerba Mate — Enlighten Mint
Pure Leaf — Extra Sweet Tea
Pure Leaf — Lemon Tea
Pure Leaf — Raspberry Tea
Pure Leaf — Sweetened Tea
Pure Leaf— Unsweetened Tea
Snapple — Lemon Tea
Snapple — Peach Iced Tea
PART II — The Tasting
Taste 1:
Dane Rivera
This tea is unsweetened. Earlier I wrote about how complex and nuanced the flavors of unsweetened tea can be, but this doesn’t really have any of that. It hits your palate with an initial sourness and then has a flat and bitter flavor that sticks to the tongue.
Taste 2:
Dane Rivera
This tea goes in the opposite direction of the last tasting, it’s intensely sweet to the point of making me wince. The dominant flavor here is some sort of artificial citrus, it tastes just like dirty lemon water.
There is a schoolyard legend that pink lemonade was invented after some circus lemonade vendor ran out of water and had to use the water from a bucket where the trapeze artists soaked their tights, which gave the lemonade a faint pink color. I don’t believe that story, but this is what I imagine that water tasted like.
Taste 3:
Dane Rivera
After two genuinely awful experiences, I’m liking this one a lot. It’s sweetened, but not overwhelmingly so, it has a nice round sugar-forward flavor with just a touch of bitterness and a lightly toasted flavor. It tastes like a classic southern sweet black tea, I can see this working excellently in an Arnold Palmer.
Taste 4:
Dane Rivera
Another pleasant experience, this beautiful green tea offers a lot of complexity and sweetness. As it hits the palate I’m getting a nice leafy and light taste with a distinct floral sweetness courtesy of what I’m guessing is honey.
Just really all-around tasty with a nice balance between sweet and natural.
Taste 5:
Dane Rivera
A way better balance of toasted black tea and lemon flavors, not nearly as artificial or sweet as Taste 2. It actually tastes like someone squeezed a fresh lemon in a glass of black tea.
Taste 6:
Dane Rivera
What the f*ck is this, punch? This stuff tastes kind of interesting, it’s slightly malty with a tart fizzy kick and a pleasantly bitter aftertaste. I like it but I can’t imagine drinking more than a few sips… it’s a bit overwhelming.
Taste 7:
Dane Rivera
This tastes… bad. It has a weird sour sweetness to it with a plastic overtone that hovers against each sip. It tastes cheap.
Taste 8:
Dane Rivera
Another weird one, this tastes like some sort of slightly sweet citrus soda, I’m not getting any tea flavors aside from a bitter aftertaste. I want to say that maybe there is a hint of pineapple in there. There is a lot going on here.
And it’s not good.
Taste 9:
Dane Rivera
The last few tastings have been gone heavy on the fruit flavors, but this one is in another class. With a focus on earthy and nutty flavors, this tea uses just a touch of fruit flavor for a wonderfully complex expression that ends with a subtle berry tart finish.
I love it.
Taste 10:
Dane Rivera
Nothing subtle or complex about this one, it just hits you with an intense bitterness that comes across like dirty water. There is a sort of soft and round mouthfeel to it, but its ruined by that bitter bite. I truly do love unsweetened teas, but when they’re bottled straight up taste nasty.
Taste 11:
Dane Rivera
Interesting, complex, and refreshing. This tea goes a little bit heavy on the peppermint, but it has a nice and inviting malty quality to it that I wouldn’t expect from something this light in color.
Taste 12:
Dane Rivera
This is another citrus tea but the lemon notes are drowned out by the intense sweetness, only expressing itself as a weird sour aftertaste. I also can barely taste the black tea in here, the dominant flavor is pure sugar, and it’s not a good thing.
Taste 13:
Dane Rivera
If Taste 12 tasted like pure sugar, I don’t even know what to call this. It’s overwhelmingly sweet to the point of being undrinkable. I had to take several sips of sparkling water just to get the taste off my tongue from this one. Awful.
Taste 14:
Dane Rivera
A very interesting balance between herbal flavors, honey, and vegetal green tea. There is a touch too much sweetness that lingers on the backend, but the initial taste is very pleasant. It seems like a new flavor reveals itself with every sip, sometimes it’s sweet and grassy, other times floral. Definitely the most interesting tea I’ve tasted in the lineup.
Taste 15:
Dane Rivera
Fruity and round with a pleasant toasted finish. There is a sour component here, but not in an off-putting spoiled way like some of the other tastings, in here it’s pleasant. It really activated my tastebuds in a mouthwatering way. I like this one a lot.
Taste 16:
Dane Rivera
And what a way to end. This is another tea that has been sweetened to death. Sugary, with an awful blunt finish.
Part 2: The Ranking
16. Snapple — Lemon Tea (Taste 2)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. There was a time when Snapple was the good tea, its biggest and most present competitor was Lipton Brisk and now that Lipton Brisk is only available in bulk, this is the new “big brand” on the scene. And it turns out, it’s not very good.
Snapple recently transitioned from glass bottles to plastic and it sounds ridiculous to say that the quality dropped along with the packaging, but it really has. This just taste like bottom-of-the-barrel basic shit.
The Bottom Line:
There are a good amount of lemon-flavored teas on the market, this one is the worst.
15. 7-Eleven — Sweet Tea (Taste 16)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
It wasn’t until this tasting that I discovered that 7-Eleven has its own branded products, from teas to snacks, to fruit juices. One of their teas, you’ll find, I thought was absolutely delicious, but this particular flavor is just bad.
The label shows some sugar cubes and tea leaves, and that’s exactly what this stuff tastes like. Sugar cubes, melted down into a brown liquid of death. Avoid at all costs.
The Bottom Line:
7-Eleven makes two varieties of bottled tea, this is the bad one.
14. Pure Leaf — Extra Sweet Tea (Taste 13)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
Who is this for? Seriously, “extra sweet tea” is something that nobody needs considering your typical sweetened variety of black tea has as much sugar in it as a can of coke.
I’m not even sure this can legally be considered tea, it tastes more like sugar than anything else. There are plenty of other sweetened black teas on the market, including one by this same brand, that taste a lot better than this. Even if you have a giant sweet tooth, trust me, you aren’t expecting this.
The Bottom Line:
Pure Leaf? More like Pure Sugar.
13. Pure Leaf — Sweet Tea (Taste 7)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I guess I just don’t like this brand! Pure Leaf has some sort of weird relationship with sugar because despite this being a whole 100 calories and 20 grams of sugar less than the Extra Sweet variety, it still ends up tasting like sweetened trash.
This one has a slightly sour taste to it which I guess makes it more complex so that’s…something.
The Bottom Line:
Pure Leaf? More like Pure Garbage.
12. Pure Leaf Unsweetened (Taste 10)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I’ve been hard on this brand in this ranking but… they kind of suck. Turns out that when the brand lives up to its name “Pure Leaf” it tastes better. Slightly. This taste like a basic black tea, it’s not complex, or interesting, and doesn’t have the depth of flavor that I’ve come to expect from black tea, but it’s not totally gross either.
And that’s something right?
The Bottom Line:
“Not gross” is the best I can say about this.
11. Gold Peak Unsweetened (Taste 1)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I love freshly brewed unsweetened tea, it’s my preference, so having to rank an unsweetened tea this low again just feels wrong, but I have to call it as I see it, or in this case, taste it, and this just isn’t doing anything for me.
In fact, I think it gives unsweetened tea a bad name. If you think you dislike unsweetened tea because all you’ve had is the bottled stuff, I beg you, please try the freshly brewed stuff! Unlike the Pure Leaf, this taste better brewed. It’s not as bitter and dull tasting, it has a lighter touch to it with a slight natural sourness.
I’d still rather drink puddle water though.
The Bottom Line:
Giving unsweetened tea everywhere a bad reputation. Skip this stuff or at the very least, cut it with lemonade.
It’s hard to believe this weird fruit punch is a tea, but it has Yerba Mate in it so it definitely counts. As a tea drinker, I think it’s pretty awful and will leave tea drinkers disappointed, but as a drink in itself, it’s interesting. Malty, fruity, tart, it has all of these weird flavor sensations that you don’t expect out of a tea drink that come together nicely.
The Bottom Line:
Drink it if you’re looking for something interesting, it’s fruity and malty, two flavors that shouldn’t be in the same drink, but here they are! It doesn’t really taste like tea though.
10. Arizona — Iced Tea With Lemon Flavor (Taste 12)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
Don’t let the famous can fool you, this stuff isn’t that great. Arizona is a brand that understands marketing. 99¢ for a giant beautifully designed can, what more can a person want?
A good flavor perhaps? Again, there are other lemon teas on the market, and they taste better than this one. I desperately wanted this brand to come out on top because it looks so damn cool, but that is what makes blind taste tests so fun, we betray our biases and get down to the truth. And the truth is, this shit is mid.
The Bottom Line:
Sour and too lemon-forward to register as tea.
This brand has a lot of flavor variations, but the most famous one (you know what I’m talking about) is still the best. Go with that one instead.
8. Arizona RX Energy Herbal Tonic (Taste 8)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I wasn’t entirely convinced that Arizona’s RX Energy Herbal Tonic was tea considering tea isn’t in the name, but it’s right there in the ingredients list. This is a mix of citrus flavors and green tea and while I can’t taste any tea whatsoever, it still tastes pretty damn good.
It’s fruity, with a subtle hint of pineapple and apparently, it gives you a boost of energy. I couldn’t tell you if that was true or not because I drank 16 teas in a single hour so I was pretty wired on caffeine anyway.
The Bottom Line:
It’s great... if you want something that doesn’t taste anything like tea!
7. Pure Leaf — Lemon (Taste 5)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
This. Brand. Has. Too. Many. Fucking. Flavors.
Seriously Pure Leaf, figure out how to make something good and stick with that! Having said that, this is the best lemon tea on the market.
I could hardly believe it considering how much I hated the other Pure Leaf flavors, but this lemon tea strikes the perfect balance between zesty citrus and toasty black tea notes.
The Bottom Line:
The best-tasting lemon black tea your money can buy. Bottled.
6. Guayaki Yerba Mate — Enlighten Mint (Taste 11)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
If you’re unfamiliar with Yerba Mate, it’s a malty-tasting herbal tea from South America that has more caffeine in it than your average tea, but less than coffee. It strikes a nice middle ground between the two, it offers a lot of energy but doesn’t make you feel wiry and drained the way a cup of Joe can.
Guayaki’s take on yerba mate takes out the distinct bitter vegetal flavor that is characteristic of the drink, which in my opinion takes out a lot of the fun of drinking it, but what they’ve created tastes pretty damn good. This peppermint-infused flavor is very refreshing, I can see a whole can becoming overwhelming but the small cup I had was a pleasant experience from the first sip to the last.
The Bottom Line:
A great introduction to the world of Yerba mate.
5. Snapple Peach Tea (Taste 15)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I grew up drinking this stuff and it still tastes pretty good to me. Maybe that’s nostalgia, so take its high ranking with a grain of salt. Unlike a lot of other fruity teas, this one doesn’t rely on citrus for its sweetness, instead using the round and complex flavors of peach, which gives it a different form of sourness.
I still think it tasted better out of a glass bottle though.
The Bottom Line:
A fruit tea that offers something a little different than everything else on the market.
4. Pure Leaf — Raspberry (Taste 9)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I can’t believe my eyes! The fact that I’m ranking a Pure Leaf product this highly after hating on the brand as much as I have made me go back and taste all the other flavors just to see if I had somehow missed something. I didn’t, those flavors suck, but this raspberry tea is pretty damn delicious and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
What a lot of bottled teas lack that the freshly brewed stuff has is complexity, and while I’d hardly call this complex it has a good variety of flavor components that at the very least make it interesting.
The Bottom Line:
This is the only Raspberry Black Tea on the market I could find and it’s representing the flavor well. Way better than that Lipton stuff you find in the soda fountain.
3. 7-Eleven — Green Tea Flavored with Honey and Ginseng (Taste 4)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I’m as surprised as you are! 7-Eleven apparently knows its shit when it comes to green tea because this has a subtle and shifting flavor that never gets boring on the palate.
My only major gripe is that it’s a bit too heavy on the sweet side. The use of honey here drowns out some of the grassy elements of the tea and makes the herbal notes of ginseng completely disappear. If they’d dial it back just a bit it would taste as good as the tea brand it’s obviously modeled itself after.
The Bottom Line:
Don’t let the 7-Eleven branding dissuade you, this stuff is delicious!
2. Gold Peak — Sweet Tea (Taste 3)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
I’m actually taken aback by how much I enjoyed this one. I liked it so much that after I finished the tasting I said to my girlfriend — who was pouring and serving the tea for me — “Save me taste 3! I want to finish the bottle!”
This is a perfect iteration of sweet black tea, it’s not so overwhelmingly sweet that it masks the flavors of black tea, but it’s indulgent enough to feel like a treat and satisfy in a way that the unsweetened stuff can’t match.
I can actually taste some complexity here, the tea is toasty, bitter, and a bit nutty with a nice finish that is elevated with some pure can sugar.
The Bottom Line:
The ideal bottled black tea for an Arnold Palmer. Mix this with some Simply Lemonade and you’ve got yourself a truly great drink. On its own, it’s still damn good.
1. Arizona — Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey (Taste 14)
Dane Rivera
The Tea:
Many of you probably saw this coming and it feels like an entirely basic choice, but I can’t deny that Arizona’s famous green tea easily offered the best experience. This tea is a bit sweeter than I want it to be (I think sweet tea works better with the deeper flavors of black tea than the light tones of green) but it actually has a lot of complexity to it, and that’s just what I look for and expect in tea.
It’s herbal, floral, grassy, and vegetal, and has a silky smooth mouthfeel that feels great flowing across the palate and down your throat. There is a reason this can of tea is so damn famous and it’s not just the great design — it’s the way it manages to taste the way it looks.
When you pick up this can from the refrigerated section you have an expectation on what it’s going to taste like based on the way it looks, and it manages to live up to that expectation. That’s no easy feat and while I’d love a less sweetened version, until they make one this is the best tea your money can buy. Hands down.
The Bottom Line:
It truly is as good as it looks.
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America Is Musty
