Category: News

All I ever wanted was the ultimate Sicilian Spring Break: to eat at the overloaded buffet, to crush my Vespa driver, to sip the finest wine while watching Mt. Etna erupt, to have an affair with a rich lady in a cove, and to drown after falling off a boat… In short, to be like the cast of the White Lotus. As soon as the season finale concluded, I shattered my piggy bank, booked a flight to Sicily, and went online to find a room at the iconic Four Seasons San Domenico Palace (the hotel where filming took place).

Sadly, I soon realized that I wasn’t the only one with that dream. My heart was broken — the entire hotel was booked for the Spring of 2023.

Luckily, I still had my flight and a mind full of questions: 1) How could Valentina find an empty room for affairs so easily, why didn’t she just hook up in the chapel like a normal person? 2) Is the San Domenico the only luxury option in Taormina? And 3) can I still live out my White Lotus Spring Break fantasy this year?

The answer is “Yes, I can. And so can you.” Here are some options.

I — The Grand Hotel Timeo

When choosing the grandest hotel in Taormina, most are going to pick San Domenico Palace, hence the predicament, but Taormina has some other five-star gems. First up is The Grand Hotel Timeo.

The first hotel ever built in Taormina; this place has a ton of history. Christ, right next to the property is The Teatro Antico — an ancient amphitheater older than that qualifier. The hotel shows off a “Feng Shui” of lush magnolia gardens and mythic stone architecture, really honing in the vibe of the White Lotus title sequence.

Accommodations:

Room prices are similar to the luxury San Domenico Palace. A standard villa will cost around 800$ a night while a deluxe sea view suite will cost around $2,000 a night and more, adjoining door latches included.

Dining:

Just like the San Domenico Palace, The Grand Hotel Timeo boasts a Michelin restaurant in Otto Geleng. Each evening only sixteen guests get to enjoy Executive Chef Roberto Toro’s unique take on Mediterranean cuisine while overlooking an exquisite view of Mt. Etna from high in the hills.

Pool:

The Grand Hotel Timeo offers a heated panoramic swimming pool serving drinks, cocktails, and snacks. Not only does it offer an ocean view, but this pool is also surrounded by enchanting foliage that mirrors the palazzo in Noto that Harper and Daphne adventured to in episode three.

II — Villa Sant’ Andrea

For a more coastal experience to match the cabana scenes and mid-ocean spars, there’s a spectacular option in Villa Sant’ Andrea. Nestled in the secluded Mazzaró Bay, this hotel was once a posh English family’s secret hideaway (did they sell it after a plot to murder a rich lady backfired? It’s possible!), and the attitude has remained the same. The hotel has hosted Winston Churchill, Francis Ford Coppola, and Burt Lancaster.

Accommodation:

Here there is much variety as a standard sea view room will cost around $600 with breakfast. Yes, it’s a luxury buffet! On the higher end, an elegant tiled and marble columned suite with a private pool will go for about $5-6,000.

Dining:

The gentle azure Ionian Sea lies right below Ristorante San Andrea, a highly sought-after restaurant with a menu boasting Mediterranean-inspired selections like beef tomato carpaccio, purple eggplant parmigiana, bronze-drawn spaghetti with Ganzirri clams, and bronte pistachio-crusted rack of lamb.

Pool:

While a pool is on the cards, the real selling point is to enjoy their private beach in a cabana that includes a comfortable sofa, minibar, tented veranda, and two sun loungers (Rocco! The beach club!). After basking in the sun, there’s a wellness center to exfoliate, soothe, and breathe in aromatic Sicilian herbs while the rest of the guests bicker, ruminate, and plot.

III — Hotel Villa Belvedere

One last option is a boutique hotel. While only four stars, Villa Belvedere has garnered praise and near perfect reviews from virtually every guest, some even claiming that four stars don’t do the place justice.

Built in 1902, with exquisite rooms, an incredible ocean view, amazing Sicilian hospitality, and within walking distance to Taormina’s cultural center, this could be the dark horse in achieving the White Lotus fantasy without having to break the bank.

Accommodation:

Here’s where this hotel stands out. For $300-500 a night, one can find equivalent comfort offered by the previous hotels in a charming room with a balcony and ocean view. All for a more modest price. However, their flagship experience, the private Villa Maddalena is a step up. It blends luxury and Sicilian tradition harmoniously in a two-story “cozy spa lounge” with terrace access, unique decorations, and an archway of Sicilian brick.

And those ominous sculptures! That’s what a White Lotus Fantasy is all about.

Dining:

On a panoramic terrace, this is a wonderful place to enjoy sparkling wine, fresh pastries, and a rich buffet of traditional dishes a la carte. Another buffet! In the evening the bartenders go crazy concocting cocktails of Sicilian liquors, local red oranges, Etna Gin, and juniper.

While not boasting a Michelin star, this is the perfect incentive to get out on the town and see what Taormina has to offer for dining — something the White Lotus guests were heavily critiqued for not doing.

More:

A beautiful pool overlooks the sea from high up, with the bar and restaurant handily a step away, but the villa should serve as a headquarters for outings into the town, rather than a place to spend most of the day.

The Final Verdict:

There are plenty of options to make The White Lotus fantasy a reality. Personally, the Villa Sant’ Andrea seems the most fun to really replicate the shenanigans of the show. And of course, you can always wait for the Four Seasons San Domenico Palace to open up a little. It really depends on your price range and whether your budget leaves you the flexibility to drop $50K getting scammed by a very stylish escort.

For his fourth Netflix film, Tyler Perry is looking to inject a fresh angle into the massive pantheon of WWII dramas. Instead of watching the same aces shoot at each other from wildly-painted biplanes or following a ragtag team try to break into Hitler’s bunker, he’ll be focusing on the trailblazers of the 6888th Battalion. It was the first all-Black, all-female battalion, comprised of 855 women whose duty was to get through a gargantuan backlog of vital mail that hadn’t made it to troops. That includes letters and cards and all the things that helped keep the fighting men sane during the fight.

Six Triple Eight will shine a spotlight on these women, who served in Britain and France to get millions and millions of packages and letters to their rightful recipients throughout Europe. They were guided by a self-styled motto: “No mail, low morale.”

Perry will write and direct the project, adapting a WWII History Magazine article by Kevin M. Hymel. It sounds a bit like Monuments Men meets Hidden Figures, with a dash of Imitation Game. Wartime prestige and a big logistical lift with plenty of room for different characters to shine.

The film comes on the heels of President Joe Biden awarding the women of the 6888th the Congressional Gold Medal, which means we could see the film hit Netflix around the same time specially minted coins of these women hit circulation. It’s always serious synergy to have the United States Mint help with your movie’s advertising campaign.

(via Netflix)

I’ve seen this viral image, supposedly of a local paper in Wisconsin’s ranch dressing rankings, posted on a few meme sites. It seems to go around every so often. While most people probably see this and think, “Ha, someone ranking ranch dressings, that’s hilarious,” we here at Uproxx Life see the same thing and think, “You know, that’s actually a pretty good idea for a post.”

Come on, tell me you aren’t a little curious. You can laugh at the idea and still be genuinely interested in the results. I was. (For the proper attribution record, I can’t find the original tweet the Instagram post seems to be screen-capping, but the article in question does exist, on page B3 of the June 26th, 2019 issue of the Wisconsin State Journal).

Ranch seems to live in that perfect middle ground, between kitsch and earnestness. On the one hand, my generation was largely raised to believe that ordering ranch with your salad was somehow trashy (I want to say there was even a famous comedian who had a bit about this, maybe Jeff Foxworthy? Not sure, I can’t find it). On the other, we still seem put it on everything from veggie platters to pizza. I tend to think “American food culture” is pretty gross in most ways, from the gross processed cheese bearing our name to our artificially orange-colored cheddar to monoculture in general. And yet even I like ranch dressing. How weird even is it, really?

Most cultures have their own versions of ranch dressing. How much different is ranch than raita? Than tzatziki? Than toum? White, garlicky sauces are pretty common.

Anyway, it makes a certain amount of sense that we’d be crazy for ranch dressing, given that ranch dressing came of age right alongside us Gen Y-ers*, older millennials, and Gen X-ers. The ranch dressing origin story most often told is that Steve Henson came up with the dressing in the 1950s, when he bought the Hidden Valley Ranch in California’s San Marcos Pass near Santa Barbara. The Henson family started selling the spice packets for make-at-home ranch dressing in the 60s and sold to Clorox in the 70s. A competing claim comes from Todds Foods in Arizona, who say David Bears invented ranch in 1980 “expressly for the Bobby McGee’s restaurant chain, to be used as a dipping sauce for their… deep-friend zucchini.”

Finally, Robb Walsh writes in Texas Eats: The New Lone Star Heritage Cookbook that “Although Hidden Valley Ranch dressing was shortened to ranch dressing in popular parlance, the same stuff was one called buttermilk dressing and has long been a western favorite, perhaps with its origin in cowboy cooking.”

Whatever the case, ranch has been the most popular dressing in America since 1992. It became a Doritos flavor in about 1986. By 1999, the San Francisco Examiner was asking “Whoever thought ranch salad dressing would become a staple of the American diet?” They noted that ranch accounted for 30% of all salad dressing sold. In 2006, the Hidden Valley Original Ranch Salad Dressing And Seasoning Mix recipe was locked into the archive of the National Inventors Hall of Fame, in Alexandria, Virginia.

Whatever the case, I would argue that ranch dressing is one of the few truly great, specifically-American food innovations to come out of the USA — right up there with the Tater Tot and the Buffalo Wing (it’s pretty hard to argue that hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, nachos, and apple pie didn’t at least have roots in other countries).

Now that we’re all feeling sufficiently historically grounded, for the purposes of this ranking, I gathered every variety of “ranch dressing” I could find from my local supermarkets, Whole Foods, and Traders Joe’s. While my wife swears that the original, mix-it-yourself variety of Hidden Valley Ranch is the clear winner, I’ll be honest, I’ve never mixed ranch myself in my life, and I do cooking experiments for a living. Short of a very special occasion that somehow involves ranch dressing, I ain’t doin’ that shit. Not enough upside.

So I left the dry mix out, and instead I grabbed every shelf-stable bottle and the handful of additional dressings I could find in the refrigerated section. Could I have found more? Probably. Could I have tasted more than 24 of these bad boys in a single sitting? Less likely. Originally I’d planned to sample them all on a carrot stick, or neutral-ish vessel, but, as tends to be the case with these, throwing other textures, flavors, and smells in there mostly just confuses the issue.

I tasted these plain, right on a spoon. It wasn’t that gross. I swear.

The Lineup:

• Organicville Non-Dairy Ranch
• Wishbone Ranch
• Chosen Foods Ranch
• Ken’s Steakhouse Ranch
• Bob’s Famous Ranch Country
• Bolthouse Farms Classic Ranch Yogurt Dressing And Dip
• 365 Organic Ranch Dressing
• Noble Made By The New Primal Classic Ranch Dressing
• Plant Perfect Ranch Vegan Dressing
• Kraft Classic Ranch
• Drew’s Organic Creamy Ranch
• Trader Joe’s Organic Ranch
• Newman’s Own Ranch
• Drew’s Organics Vegan Ranch
• Hidden Valley Plant-Powered Ranch
• Walden Farms Ranch
• 365 Organic Light Ranch
• Olive Garden Parmesan Ranch
• Litehouse Homestyle Ranch
• Hidden Valley Ranch
• Tessamae’s Pantry Classic Ranch
• Marie’s Creamy Ranch
• Full Circle Market Organic Ranch
• Yo Mama’s American Ranch

24. Noble Made By The New Primal Classic Ranch Dressing (Sample 8)

Price: $6.99 at Whole Foods.

My Notes:

This one looks truly revolting. The color is off-white and it has an oily/pasty texture that looks like tahini before you stir it. It doesn’t pool, it’s all piled up like a thick past. I honestly don’t want anything to do with this one, I’m tasting it strictly for science and posterity.

Digging the spoon it, the texture is somehow gelatinous on top of being thick. On the nose, I get a mishmash of muddled herbs that I can’t identify. Dill, probably? Sure, yeah, I get dill and white pepper.

On the palate… Jesus Christ, this tastes as bad as it looks. It tastes like chalky, non-dairy cheese spiked with vinegar and fake eggs. Awful.

Rating: 0/10

Bottom Line:

All of those names in the title should’ve been a giveaway (I felt like throwing a [sic] at the end just so you knew it wasn’t a run-on sentence). It’s Noble, but it’s made by the new Primal, whatever that is. And though it’s new and primal it’s also “classic.” PICK A LANE, DRESSING.

I don’t even really understand what the angle is here. It’s dairy-free but not vegan (has egg whites), and says it’s Whole 30 Approved, Keto Certified, and Gluten Free. I guess it’s for paleo and/or keto people. The copy on the bottle reads like a master class in obnoxious marketing:

For too long we bought into the partisan nature of condimenting. We figured any notion to unite the Ranch and the Ranch-Nots was pure hubris. But then we wondered: could a better version validate the users and liberate the abstainers? Surely a healthy ranch with a slow pour and spot-on tang could bring everyone to the wing platter or crudité board. And smacking mouths can’t bicker.

Jesus, why are paleo-diet people so fucking annoying? I tasted this completely blind but now that I’m seeing the bottle I’m glad it sucks. And if you think I’m biased, look up at that sample board. Second row, second from left — tell me that doesn’t look revolting.

23. Walden Farms Ranch (Sample 16)

Price: $3.84 at WalMart

My Notes:

This one is Thicc with a capital T, it kind of stands up in a pile more than it pools. It’s white with lots of pepper and herbs. Digging the spoon in, it seems to have a yogurt quality to it. It smells sort of like vegetable oil and a little vinegar. On the palate… wow, I don’t like that at all. It’s somehow thick and doesn’t coat, and it tastes… I don’t know, like a lot of weird fake foods. Yuck.

Rating: 1/10

Bottom Line:

I generally assumed a lot of the weird, “artificial” flavors in some of these came from the oils they used, but looking at the ingredients list on this one, I think it was the combination of thickeners they used to avoid oil, plus all the fake sugar stuff. Mmm, corn fiber and erythritol. It’s also dairy-free.

22. Yo Mama’s American Ranch (Sample 24)

Price: $6.98 direct from the website.

My Notes:

This one is thick, gloopy, and chunky, and also it’s orange-ish in color. It looks more like Thousand Island than ranch. When I scoop it it looks all aerated and custardy, somehow thick but not dense or solid. On the nose, this one just smells fake, like hydrogenated oils. On the palate… woof, that’s terrible. It’s all weird, stabilized oil taste and very little of anything else.

Rating: 1/10

Bottom Line:

According to the label, I was wrong about anything artificial or hydrogenated. The ingredients are all normal foods, but it also lacks sugar, gluten, and dairy, which is a pretty big hill to climb for a ranch dressing.

21. 365 Organic Ranch (Sample 7)

Price: $3.99 at Whole Foods.

My Notes:

This is definitely more towards the off-white, non-dairy end of the spectrum, not super appetizing. The nose is almost nonexistent other than a slight vinegar. On the palate, this one is all sugar with no body. Plus it’s vaguely pasty like I can really taste the fake thickeners and stabilizers.

Rating: 2/10

Bottom Line:

This is just regular-ass ranch dressing with sugar, dairy, and eggs, I have no idea why it tastes so bad. I somehow have it rated even worse than the light version of the same dressing.

20. Newman’s Own (Sample 13)

Price: $3.64 at Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is white with peppery-looking flakes and has a fair amount of body. Not loose at all but spreads out on the board and is smooth on the surface. I don’t get much from the nose other than a hint of white vinegar. On the palate, it’s all sweet and non-dairy, and tastes more like stabilizers than food.

Very “partially hydrogenated” tasting.

Rating: 2.5/10

Bottom Line:

Paul Newman, say it ain’t so! I would’ve assumed the beloved actor would make a great ranch dressing to fund all those non-profits, but the truth is, this one tasted like a sugar bomb. According to the label, it doesn’t have twice as much sugar as Hidden Valley. Some people like that sweet taste (much as with jarred marinara) but to me, it just tasted off.

It gave me the sense that it was trying to mask something weird (as sugar often does) even though this claims only natural and non-weird ingredients (depending how you feel about xantham gum).

19. Wishbone (Sample 2)

Price: $2.28 at Walmart.

My Notes:

This is much more white in color, more what I imagine ranch to look like. It’s white with some darker particles. It’s on the thicker side, more like bottle ranch than restaurant ranch. It looks inviting though. On the nose, I get what I believe is buttermilk. In fact, it smells maybe *too* milky. On the palate, it’s the same, the balance is way off towards the creamy dairy side (if it’s even real dairy) with not enough spice/acid. There’s a little spice towards the back of the throat at the very end, but not enough.

Rating: 3

Bottom Line:

Wishbone is sort of an OG in the ranch game (I’m mentally wedgying myself for typing that sentence) so you’d expect them to fare a little better, but alas. This was all cream with no bite. Half the reviews on the website seem to be angry about the “new formula” and “creamier taste” and they hate it, for whatever that’s worth. I can’t remember the last time I had Wishbone ranch dressing so I was coming to this with no preconceived notions.

18. Plant Perfect Ranch Vegan Dressing (Sample 9)

Price: $6.29 at Whole Foods.

My Notes:

This is off-white to almost white with lots of herb/pepper flecks. On the nose, it’s a bracing vinegar and not much else. On the palate it’s very sweet and not very creamy. It doesn’t really coat at all, but it also doesn’t have that vinaigrette tang. It’s kind of one-note sweet with some vague onion flavor.

Rating: 3/10

It’s hard to expect a vegan ranch to taste like a dairy-based one and this one doesn’t. It also wasn’t my favorite of the vegan offerings.

17. Drew’s Organics Vegan Ranch (Sample 14)

Price: $4.99 at Whole Foods.

My Notes:

This one is much more off-white, maybe greenish. The texture is tighter. On the nose I get vinegar and green herbs. I really don’t like the mouthfeel, this feels like non-dairy creamer ranch. It’s not a sugar bomb like some of the other non-creamy options, definitely more herbs and vinegar on this one.

Bottom Line:

This one has some wild ingredients, like agave syrup, white miso, and rice koji, not to mention celery seed and rosemary extract. Wasn’t enough to make it not taste like fake cream but I respect the effort. Butt pats all around for the chefs at Drew’s Organic.

16. 365 Organic Light Ranch (Sample 17)

Price: $3.99 at Whole Foods.

My Notes:

This is slightly off-white and fairly loose. There’s vinegar/onion/herbs on the nose, but feels lacking on the cream side. On the palate, it’s really thin and really sweet. Not enough body, and too sweet.

Rating: 4/10

Bottom Line:

Don’t ask me how I rate this more highly than its non-light cousin, but the rub is that I wouldn’t buy either. The real heads call the other one “ranch heavy.”

15. Trader Joe’s Organic Ranch (Sample 12)

Price: $11.01 on Amazon. (This product has disappeared from the Trader Joe’s website, so I may have gotten it just before a pause in distribution)

My Notes:

This looks more toward the loose end of the spectrum (like your mo– no, I told myself no crude mom jokes in this post). On the nose, it’s… barely there. Weirdly non-aromatic. On the palate, it’s all sugar, like a French vinaigrette with just a hint of something creamy. Not terrible but doesn’t strike me as “ranch.”

Bottom Line:

They definitely attempted something different with this one, more towards a vinaigrette than a ranch. Nothing wrong with that (I actually like the much-more vinegary Australian mayo for that reason) but this just didn’t hit any flavor points for me. It felt like a weird in-betweener, and maybe that’s why it’s not on the website anymore.

14. Organicville Non-Dairy Ranch (Sample 1)

Price: $4.99 at Whole Foods.

My Notes:

Looks more off-white than white, like maybe it’s non-dairy. I can see some herbs in there, the texture is not too gloopy. Actually this watery-ish texture is kind of ideal to me. On the nose, mostly it smells like acid and herbs, like a vinaigrette, maybe some cucumber in there. On the palate, it has a nice zingy vinaigrette flavor to it, but I’m not really getting what makes this “ranch.” It just tastes like a vinaigrette. Not too off-putting, but lacking in that creamy/zestiness.

Rating: 5/10

Bottom Line:

File this one under “tastes fine, just not really ranch.” I’m sick of these “plant-based” ranch dressings. Give me a “based-plant” ranch. Blackpill all the veggies and then put them in the bottle. I want my eyes to glow when I drink it.

13. Kraft Classic Ranch (Sample 10)

Price: $2.12 at Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is a very uniform white and on the lower end of the herb particle spectrum. The texture seems right, not too loose, but not too gloopy. On the nose, it leans creamy/eggy, maybe not vinegary enough. On the palate, it’s the same. Too creamy/eggy with not enough vinegar or onion flavor to cut all the dairy.

It tastes “fake” in some ineffable way.

Rating: 5/10

Bottom Line:

A lot of people supposedly love Kraft products. I couldn’t tell you any of them that I enjoy regularly, but one probably exists. The product page on Walmart raves that this “goes great on salads!” which is a bold claim to make about a salad dressing.

12. Chosen Foods Ranch (Sample 3)

Price: $10.99 on the website.

My Notes:

This one is looser, probably the right amount of loose. It’s off-white in color with larger herb flecks. The nose is… eggy? Is that what that is? On the palate, this one is sharp and vinegary, but maybe lacking in body. I don’t get “ranch” with this one, it tastes more like a vinaigrette. It’s fine.

Rating: 5/10

Bottom Line:

I guess the angle with this one is that it has avocado oil. I don’t really understand the “seed oil” panic, but avocado oil seems perfectly cromulent to me (I cook with it). It also seems to be dairy free, though the packaging doesn’t announce that anywhere. Maybe the selling point is modesty! I dunno, it was fine, but you kind of need some dairy to taste the way a “ranch dressing” does. This is kind of a different thing, and that’s fine.

11. Hidden Valley Plant-Powered Ranch (Sample 15)

Price: $3.68 at Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is white and very uniform, it sits in a nice smooth pool. On the nose, I get mostly… buttermilk? This one is very rich and creamy on the palate, and the mouthfeel is nice but it could probably use some more vinegar/veg notes to it.

Rating: 6/10

Bottom Line:

This non-dairy offshoot of the OG ranch, made with “soybean protein isolate” clearly did a good enough job tricking me into believing it had dairy. Just not a good enough job to get it inside the top 10. Still, my top-rated vegan option.

10. Bob’s Famous Ranch Country (Sample 5)

Price: $5.13 at Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is very white with some herb flecks, and one of the gloopier ones. Rating it just on looks, the color is nice but probably a little too thick. It looks a little like French onion dip. On the nose, I get a nice mild oniony-ness, and the cream and vinegar seem balanced. On the palate, it’s oddly a little thin for how gloopy it is and tastes overly milky. It kind of tastes like yogurt. The spice/zest balance is a little muted. It tastes like cream and dry spices with not enough acid.

Rating: 6/10

Bottom Line:

Pinkies up, everyone, this ranch comes from the refrigerator section. Ooh la la!

I haven’t been to a Bob’s Big Boy since the 80s but the large son lives on in this sour cream-based ranch dressing. I did wonder going into this how much better the refrigerated ranches would do against the shelf-stable ones. The answer seems to be… slightly better, but not much?

This one was fine, just a touch muted on the spice/vinegar end for my tastes. It’d go great as a chip dipper.

9. Ken’s Steakhouse Ranch (Sample 4)

Price: $3.29 at Target.

My Notes:

This is very white and uniform and has a nice amount of body without being gloopy. I get cream and vinegar on the nose. This one tastes the most like ranch so far. There’s a nice body to it that coats, but isn’t cloyingly creamy, and there’s a vinegar and herb bite to it that doesn’t taste like a vinaigrette. There’s a weird aftertaste though, like something artificial.

Rating: 6.2

Bottom Line:

This one had me at first, but the more I ate of it the weirder it tasted. It tastes good until the very end when a weird aftertaste comes on.

8. Full Circle Market Organic Ranch (Sample 23)

Price: $3.29 from Weis Markets.
My Notes:

This is another looser, white one, like restaurant ranch or Carl’s Jr. buttermilk dip. On the nose I get a nice mix of vinegar/onion. On the palate, the vinegar twang is nice, but it’s a little thin and a lot sugary. I don’t mind the loose texture so much as the sugary taste. Don’t love it, don’t hate it.

Rating: 6.5/10

Bottom Line:

Nothing especially weird or offputting about this one, but it’s definitely for people who like sweeter dressings.

7. Bolthouse Farms Classic Ranch Yogurt Dressing And Dip (Sample 6)

Price: $4.16 on Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is white and towards the looser end of the spectrum, with medium flakeage. The nose has a nice vinegar/pepper kick to it. On the palate, this one is kind of a dill bomb. It’s off-putting at first but when I go back to it I start to get used to it more and even enjoy it. I like the cream/vinegar balance and it coats about right but there’s a lot of dill.

Rating: 6.15/10

Bottom Line:

The website’s description of this one says “we took the Ranch you love, and added more garlic, dill, and buttermilk,” and that sounds about right. This one was definitely an outlier, which may have cost it some points, but the more I tried the more I enjoyed that extra dill flavor (shut up, dude).

6. Drew’s Organics Creamy Ranch (Sample 11)

Price: $2.99 from FoodsCo.

My Notes:

Not the whitest white, and a little looser. The texture looks about right. This smells… is that cucumber? There’s a vegetal quality to the nose that feels a little off. On the tongue, it’s a little thin, not creamy enough, and doesn’t quite coat, but the spice balance and vinegar feel about right. This seems right but a little watered down.

Rating: 7/10

Bottom Line:

This one calls itself “creamy” but it’s one of the less creamy options. Curious, that! It’s pretty okay.

5. Tessamae’s Pantry: Classic Ranch (Sample 21)

Price: $5.54 at Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is all green and herby, with a looser, more vinaigrette consistency. On the nose, I get lots of dill. On the palate, more of the same, lots of dill and a nice vinegar twang. This doesn’t scream “ranch” to me but it’s surprisingly pretty good. It tastes like real herbs.

Rating: 7/10

Bottom Line:

There’s nothing “classic” about this dairy-free ranch, but it is pretty good. Pretty impressive for a non-dairy option to sneak into the top five, honestly.

It doesn’t really read ranch to me, but I would still eat it.

4. Marie’s Creamy Ranch (Sample 22)

Price: $3.81 from HEB.

My Notes:

This one is white and probably the second gloopiest, a little thicker than I’d like. The herb specks are large and numerous. On the nose I get dill and I think vinegar. On the palate, more dill, plus a super creamy mouthfeel. I think this is good as a chip dip (like it’d go great on a Ruffle) but a little too thick for what I think of as ranch. It doesn’t have enough of a zest or an aromatic bite, though it doesn’t taste like fake stuff either.

Rating: 7/10

Bottom Line:

This one was another refrigerated option. It wasn’t my favorite ranch or even my favorite refrigerated ranch, but I think this would be my top choice if I was buying a ranch to dip chips into. It’s a little thicccc for a dressing but great with chips.

3. Litehouse Homestyle Ranch (Sample 19)

Price: $5.18 from Walmart.

My Notes:

This one is very white and loose, though it looks more like real cream than the stabilizer/homogenized ones. Not a ton on the nose, but nothing too unnatural in it. I think this is about the ideal texture — nice creamy mouthfeel, but not too gloopy with nothing artificial and little onion/herb bits in there. It’s well-seasoned.

This is pretty good, but flavorwise I think it’s missing a slight bit of tang.

Rating: 7.75/10.

Bottom Line:

This refrigerator-section ranch was my top refrigerator ranch and my wife(*Borat voice*)’s favorite. I noticed the fresh herbs, but it never occurred to me that this was fat-free, or that it has twice the sugar (four grams) of some of the others that tasted like sugar bombs. The actual dairy products probably have something to do with that.

Anyway, pretty good, only the relative lack of bite kept it out of the top slot.

2. Olive Garden Parmesan Ranch (Sample 18)

Price: $4.18 from Walmart.

My Notes:

This is whiter and thicker, more like cream thick than yogurt thick. Nose on this is weirdly nonexistent. It also spreads weirdly. On the palate it tastes… pretty close to the way I imagine ranch to taste, actually. The vinegar/creaminess balance is right on, with a slightly vegetal taste to it.

Rating: 8/10

Bottom Line:

Olive Garden?! I didn’t expect a shelf-stable Olive Garden product to be my second-favorite ranch, but it’s also the only option with Parmesan cheese, which is both a classic flavor enhancer and my own go-to. (I put it on my popcorn, by far the best popcorn topping).

1. Hidden Valley Ranch (Sample 20)

Price: $3.79 at Target (16 ounces).

My Notes:

This is very homogenous and white-looking, lots of body. Texture is almost blue cheese thick. Nose is heavy on buttermilk. From my notes: “This is pretty good but definitely leans buttermilky. Like this is a good buffalo wing ranch (though I’d always opt for blue cheese).”

It doesn’t have any artificial-tasting flavors in it. Something about it just feels right, I keep going back to it.

Rating: 8.5/10

Bottom Line:

This would’ve been the expected result going in, being both the original ranch and the ranch I had in my fridge as a kid. But you usually don’t get the “expected” result in a blind tasting, and I didn’t think “this is definitely Hidden Valley” upon first taste. I kept going back to my top five to test them against each other, and this one sort of just stood out as having the ideal balance of dairy and spice. It’s hard to put your finger on why, it doesn’t have more fat or sugar than any of the others, and none of the ingredients are outliers. Sense memory, maybe.

—

Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can read more of his reviews here.

*While the accepted definition of “millennial” keeps creeping, it is my firm contention that anyone old enough to have learned to masturbate using analog sources (as opposed to high-speed internet) is too old to be a millennial. This describes people my age, who I call Gen Y. We’re the generation after Gen X and before millennials. Thank you for your time, now if you’ll excuse me I have to do some stretching exercises for my back.

There’s a new generation of young scam artists, and they seem to be as savvy as they are dumb. There’s Sam Bankman-Fried, the schlubby crypto king who was just arrested after allegedly defrauding scores of customers. Now there’s the cadre of social media types who engaged in pump and dump schemes, while bragging about it in places where people could hear them.

As per Vice, the Securities and Exchange Commission has charged eight young influencers after they pumped stocks on places like Discord and Twitter as well as podcasts. They had handles like “@MrZackMorris, who would tweet things like this:

According to the SEC complaint, the octet would identify a security they wanted to manipulate, then purchase it at a lower rate. Pretending to be skilled stock traders, they would then promote the stock to their followers, which included some 1.5 million put together on Twitter alone, so as to generate demand, often using false or misleading claims. The stock would thereby inflate in price. Then they would dump it.

To cover up their malfeasance, they would simply delete old tweets and Discord chats. Alas, they left one heck of a paper trail. For one thing, they had a habit of talking to each other about their wrongdoing on Discord voice chats they thought were private. They weren’t. In one such chat, one of them, who called himself the “Deity of Dips,” bragged about “robbing f*cking idiots of their money…”

The gang tried to cover themselves by claiming they were never formally giving their many followers advice. But the SEC isn’t buying that one, citing their propensity for sharing images of their lavish lifestyle, suggesting that their tips could lead to similar riches.

One of them, Perry Matlock, the “CEO” of Atlas Trading, would tweet things like “LET’S ALL GET RICH!” After dumping the stock, he would publicly lament everyone else’s bad break. Here’s how one of his pump and dumps went, according to the SEC complaint:

“Matlock, for example, having promoted FDS Pharma, Inc. (NASDAQ: HUGE) to followers, reported on Atlas on February 3, 2021: ‘HUGE I took the loss on it too. We will find a better one.’ Matlock in fact made approximately $27,734 dumping his HUGE shares the day he made that post.”

In other words, in today’s digital world, whether it be crypto of NFTs or even something as old fashioned as stocks, don’t fall for modern day version of Jordan Belfort, the swindler of The Wolf of Wall Street. Though at least Belfort knew better than to not brag about his wrongdoing on social media.

(Via Vice)

Back in November, Rico Nasty first teased a track on her TikTok of her flowing over a beat that distinctly featured a sample of Missy Elliott’s “Get Ur Freak On” as its backbone. Her bars are punctuated by the hilarious call out, “If my ass so small, why your n**** always lookin’?” And now the wild new single “Freak” is here, along with an equally out-there video that Rico said almost got shut down multiple times during the shoot.

The track opens with the noticeable Missy Elliott stem from Timbaland, before Rico — who released her latest album, Las Ruinas in July — unleashes a totally possessed verbal assault. “Get yo freak on, freak ’em then I leave ’em / He said he love me, don’t know if I believe him / That feeling been gone, my heart cold like some freon / Married to the money, that b**ch been my fian…cée!”

On an Instagram post that hyped up the brand new video Directed by Spudsmckenzie, Rico Nasty quoted the aforementioned lyric and said, “The way this sh*t almost got shut down like 5 times [cry laughing emoji] SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY DMV BAD BITCHES THAT PULLED UPPPPPP IN THE COLD !!!! I love YALL.”

Watch the new video for “Freak” above.

Rico Nasty is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

2023 is right around the corner, but plenty of binging can be done before that happens. If you’re downshifting for the holidays and are looking for content to supplement your relaxation time, then Netflix has you covered. Nostalgia will run thick throughout the month with a reboot of the That ’70s Show franchise (some special guest stars will appear in the That ’90s Show), and Pamela Anderson’s counterpoint to Pam & Tommy will also surface, so that you can relive the 1990s in two ways. Christian Bale will also star in a genre picture, and there will be teeth-gnashing Vikings. Oh, and Bernie Madoff’s tour of terror will also receive the documentary treatment.

New additions to the library will be action heavy and include the Rocky movies (although Rambo will leave the service at the end of the month) and Top Gun. You can also strut alongside the Reservoir Dogs before the crime caper goes to bloody hell. Here’s everything coming to (and leaving) Netflix in January.

That ’90s Show (Netflix series streaming 1/19)

Jackie and Kelso got married, meaning that real-life spouses Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher will be on hand as guests in this series that takes place (as the title suggests) in 1995. The show revolves around Kitty and Red somehow looking much like they did back in the ’70s, and the actual story involves Leia, whose parents happen to be Eric and Donna. Leia is looking for adventure and thinks that the Forman place is the place to be for achieving that goal, especially since a rebel named Gwen lives next door. That basement is a real party once more, even if we can’t figure out how Jackie and Kelso worked out after all these years.

The Pale Blue Eye (Netflix film streaming 1/6)

Every A-lister seems to be leading Netflix movies these days, here’s Christian Bale doing it, too. He portrays world-weary private investigator who enlists a poetic young cadet, Edgar Allen Poe (Harry Melling), to solve a horrific murder of a fellow military man. The poor soul happens to be missing a heart, if you’re wondering where the literal literary connection lies, and the talent-studded cast includes Gillian Anderson, Lucy Boynton, Charlotte Gainsbourg, and Robert Duvall.

Pamela, a love story (Netflix documentary streaming 1/31)

Although Hulu’s largely absurd Pam & Tommy treated Pamela Anderson’s perspective with as much respect as possible, Pam herself wasn’t on board with the showcasing of how her home video was broadcast to the world. Anderson determined to share her perspective to the world, and this documentary takes a different kind of intimate look behind the blonde-bombshell nature of the Baywatch star. The project charts the movement from small-town origins to her rise as an international sex symbol, but this story also shines light on her activism and motherly perspective.

Vikings: Valhalla: Season 2 (Netflix series streaming 1/12)

After the O.G. series dominated for six full seasons, this spinoff gave the franchise new life in the streaming realm. This part of the story still takes place around a century ahead of its predecessor with a different generation of history-famous Vikings, including Leif Ericsson, Freydis Eriksdotter, and Nordic prince Harald Sigurdsson. They’ve all embarked upon different parts of the world to pursue power and new worlds while igniting rivalries and simply attempting to survive with honor.

MADOFF: The Monster of Wall Street (Netflix documentary streaming 1/4)

This four-part financial thriller takes a look back at a system that not only allowed but arguably encouraged a monster to flourish. This revisiting of the fallen king of the Ponzi scheme just might manage to take some twists that you haven’t heard about already.

Avail. TBA
Coming Soon
JUNG_E
Physical: 100

Avail. 1/1
Kaleidoscope
Lady Voyeur
The Way of the Househusband: Season 2
The Aviator
Barbershop 2: Back in Business
Blue Streak
Brokeback Mountain
The ‘Burbs
Closer
The Conjuring
Daddy Day Care
Fletch
Forrest Gump
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Grease
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Jerry Maguire
King Kong
Leap Year
Life
Minority Report
National Security
New Amsterdam: Season 1
The Nutty Professor
The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
Old Enough!: Season 2
Parenthood
Reservoir Dogs
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Road to Perdition
Rocky
Rocky II
Rocky III
Rocky IV
Rocky V
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Survivor: Season 18
The Taking of Pelham 123
This Is 40
Top Gun
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Twins

Avail. 1/4
How I Became a Gangster
The Kings of the World
The Lying Life of Adults
MADOFF: The Monster of Wall Street

Avail. 1/5
Copenhagen Cowboy
Ginny & Georgia: Season 2
Woman of the Dead

Avail. 1/6
Love Island USA: Season 2
Mumbai Mafia: Police vs The Underworld
The Pale Blue Eye
Pressure Cooker
The Ultimatum: France Season 1 Part 2
The Walking Dead: Season 11

Avail. 1/9
VINLAND SAGA: Season 2

Avail. 1/10
Andrew Santino: Cheeseburger
The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker

Avail. 1/11
Noise
Sexify: Season 2

Avail. 1/12
Kung Fu Panda: The Dragon Knight: Season 2
The Makanai: Cooking for the Maiko House
Vikings: Valhalla: Season 2

Avail. 1/13
Break Point
Dog Gone
Sky Rojo: Season 3
Suzan & Freek
Trial by Fire

Avail. 1/17
The Devil to Pay

Avail. 1/19
Junji Ito Maniac: Japanese Tales of the Macabre
Khallat+
The Pez Outlaw
That ’90s Show
Women at War

Avail. 1/20
Bake Squad: Season 2
Bling Empire: New York
Fauda: Season 4
Mission Majnu
The Real World: Season 28
Represent
Şahmaran
Shanty Town

Avail. 1/23
Minions: The Rise of Gru
Narvik

Avail. 1/24
Little Angel: Volume 2

Avail. 1/25
Against th3e Ropes
Begin Again

Avail. 1/26
Daniel Spellbound: Season 2
Record of Ragnarok: Season 2 Episodes 1-10

Avail. 1/27
Kings of Jo’Burg: Season 2
Lockwood & Co.
The Snow Girl
You People

Avail. 1/30
Princess Power

Avail. 1/31
Cunk On Earth
Pamela, a love story

And it’s your last chance to stream these titles:

Leaving 1/6
Bulletproof 2

Leaving 1/8
L.A.’s Finest: Seasons 1-2

Leaving 1/12
CHIPS

Leaving 1/15
Steve Jobs

Leaving 1/17
Yummy Mummies: Season 1

Leaving 1/26
Z Nation: Seasons 1-5

Leaving 1/29
She’s Funny That Way

Leaving 1/31
Addams Family Values
Battle: Los Angeles
Love Jacked
Newness
Rambo
Rambo: Last Blood
The Borgias: Seasons 1-3

Disclaimer: While all of the products recommended here were chosen independently by our editorial staff, Uproxx may receive payment to direct readers to certain retail vendors who are offering these products for purchase.

Welcome to SNX DLX, your weekly roundup of the best sneakers to hit the internet. Right now you’re probably freaking out about picking up some last-minute gifts before the holidays are here and we don’t blame you. The holidays are a stressful time for everyone, which is why we’re making your shopping experience as easy as possible by rounding up this week’s strongest sneaker releases.

Whether you’re buying for a friend or family member or merely shopping yourself, this week brings a little bit of something for everyone with vintage Jordan colorways and legendary designs making returns, future classics like the latest Sacai drop, and even a new sneaker collaboration from Billie Eilish and Nike.

Once you finish browsing our picks of the week, be sure to hit up our sneakerhead and streetwear gift guides for even more great gift ideas. It’s never been an easier time to be a streetwear-obsessed hypebeast.

Air Jordan 9 Fire Red

The Jordan 9 is getting a Fire Red drop! Featuring a leather upper, embroidered accents, and that iconic mudguard, the Jordan 9 serves as the perfect bridge between the early Jordans and the more luxurious takes on the silhouette that would emerge post-Jordan 10.

Its transitionary status is solidified with this OG colorway that first appeared on the Jordan 3.

The Air Jordan 9 Fire Red is out now for a retail price of $200. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

Nike Zoom Cortez x Sacai Iron Grey

Chitose Abe is bringing the waffle Sacai look to the Cortez. Featuring a nylon and suede upper equipped with Zoom Air cushioning, the Sacai Cortez features double collars, double Swooshes, and double tongues over a wedge shape midsole with dual branding at the heel.

The Cortez is a near-perfect shoe, only Abe could mix it up enough to make it new without ruining its essence. That’s why she’s a GOAT in the vein of Abloh.

The Nike Zoom Cortez x Sacai Iron Grey is out now for a retail price of $180. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

Nike Air Force 1 Billie Mushroom/Sequoia

Billie Eilish’s sneakers just don’t seem to be nearly as popular as you’d assume them to be and that’s a shame because look at these things! The Air Force 1 Billie is dope and sports a Nike Grind outsole and foam scrap sicklier with an upper composed of repurposed AF1 High scraps. It’s stylish, sustainable, and drops in two dope colorways, what more could sneakerheads want?

The Nike Air Force 1 Billie Mushroom/Sequoia is out now for a retail price of $140. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

Nike Women’s Air Force 1 Flax

A perfect sneaker for fall released a month too late, this Women’s exclusive Air Force 1 Flax is oozing autumnal vibes. Featuring a weathered pigskin suede veg-tanned leather upper, this sneaker combines Flax and Vachetta Tan colorways for an ultra-clean slightly luxurious look on an all-time classic.

The Nike Women’s Air Force 1 Flax is out now for a retail price of $140. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

Aimé Leon Dore x New Balance Rainer

Aimé Leon More, the label partly responsible for New Balance’s massive rise in popularity, is tackling yet another iconic but forgotten silhouette from the NB archives. Designed in partnership with mountain climber Lou Whittaker, this hiking boot is getting a luxurious makeover courtesy of Aimé Leon Dore with a full GORE-TEX liner, Vibram rubber outsoles, OG branding, and a nubuck and nylon upper.

The Rainer has never looked this good, and Aimé Leon Dore managed to revamp the sneaker without sacrificing any of its functionality. The sneaker arrives in three colorways.

The Aimé Leon More x New Balance Rainer is up for raffle for a retail price of $200. Enter the raffle here.

Stüssy x NIKE AIR Max Penny 2

This year the Air Max Penny 2 made a comeback and before the year’s end, a final big-name collaboration of the sneaker is dropping. Made in partnership with Stüssy, this Air Max Penny 2 drops in two colorways, all-black and vivid green, and features a Zoom Air midsole and a textile upper with subtle Stüssy logo branding at the midfoot.

The Stüssy x Nike Air Max Penny 2 is set to drop on December 16th at 10 AM PST for a retail price of $200. Pick up a pair exclusively at Stüssy.

Bodega x New Balance 9060 Citadel with Kangaroo

Bodega and New Balance are teaming up for a truly beautiful take on the 9060. Featuring a mesh upper with perforated leather paneling and a hairy suede tongue, this take on the 9060 outfits it with so many different fabrics and feels that it’s practically another silhouette entirely.

According to New Balance, the sneaker was designed by the spirit of the renaissance era and referenced in its balance of neutral whites, grey, tans and heavenly blue. I don’t see it, but that hasn’t stopped New Balance from shipping the sneaker in a special renaissance fine art box, so we’ll take it!

The Bodega x New Balance 9060 Citadel with Kanagree is set to drop on December 15th at 7:00 am PST for a retail price of $179.99. Pick up a pair via the New Balance webstore.

Nike SB Dunk Low Sandy

One of the rarest skate sneakers of all time (only two pairs made in its original run) is finally getting a full SNKRS release. Featuring a patent leather upper with translucent windows throughout, the Dunk Low Sandy is a recreation of a for-charity sneaker that was released to raise money for Portland-area skateparks. The winning bidder ended up being skate legend Sandy Bodecker, whose legacy is forever enshrined in this dope pair of kicks.

The Nike SB Dunk Low Sandy is set to drop on December 17th at 7:00 AM PST for a retail price of $130. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

Air Jordan 7 Cardinal

In celebration of the 30th anniversary of the legendary Air Jordan 7 Cardinal, the famous colorway is getting a re-stock. Featuring a crispy white leather upper with Cardinal Red and Chutney accents, the Cardinal is an all-time great colorway in the Air Jordan 7’s lineage. It’s the perfect Christmas gift for hardcore Jordan heads.

The Air Jordan 7 Cardinal is set to drop on December 17th at 7:00 AM PST for a retail price of $210. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

The trial against Tory Lanez for allegedly shooting Megan Thee Stallion in the feet in 2020 is finally underway, and with it, we’ve come to learn more details about that night and the circumstances leading up to the shooting. While some of what has happened since has confirmed a few disputed facts — namely, that Megan Thee Stallion was indeed shot in the back of her feet after initial reports said she was cut by some broken glass — the first three days of testimony have given further insight into the facts of the case.

What We Knew Ahead Of The Trial

This is what we knew ahead of the trial from reports and interviews that took place since. On July 13, 2020, it was reported that Tory Lanez was arrested for possession of a loaded, unregistered firearm in a vehicle after a party in the Hollywood Hills. It was then that Meg told police she’d cut her foot on glass.

According to Megan’s account, the pair had apparently been at a party hosted by Kylie Jenner but left when an argument broke out in the car after they left. When she demanded to be let out of the car, she heard Tory yell, “Dance, bitch!” and saw him fire several shots at her feet. Medical records and photos Megan posted to Instagram afterward confirmed that she had surgery to remove bullet fragments from her feet and she told Gayle King that she still had some left over.

Meanwhile, Tory was charged with assault with a semiautomatic firearm and pled not guilty. He was later issued a restraining order, which he violated with his surprise appearance at Rolling Loud Miami in 2021.

Tory Lanez Tested Positive For Gunshot Residue

Although some reports earlier this year obfuscated the point (whether intentionally or not), the prosecution’s opening statement did confirm that Tory Lanez tested positive for gunshot residue, as did Kelsey Harris, Megan’s friend who was in the car with them when the shooting occurred. While the residue can travel in an enclosed space like a vehicle’s passenger area, the logical inference is that the shots came from inside the car. A few days later, Megan first disclosed that she’d been shot, later stating that Tory was the perpetrator. It should be noted that Lanez’s defense rests on an alternative shooter theory, and will likely use the presence of residue on Harris to offer her up as a suspect.

Megan Thee Stallion And Tory Lanez Were In A Relationship

This doesn’t come as much of a surprise, but it turns out that the two rappers were romantically involved before the shooting, although it doesn’t seem that they were exclusively dating at the time. However, Megan hid the relationship from Harris, who she said had a “crush” on Lanez, and its revelation is what led to the argument that prompted the shooting. According to Megan’s testimony, after Lanez tried to pit the two friends against each other, she insulted his music career, which the prosecution has suggested led to Tory’s angrily shooting Megan after she exited the vehicle.

Kelsey Harris Denies Shooting Megan Thee Stallion

On the third day of testimonies, Harris was called to the stand to give her account of the events on June 13, 2020. Although she asserted her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination, she also staunchly denied being the one to shoot Megan Thee Stallion, calling the notion “ridiculous.”

This post will be updated as more facts become available.

“30 Rock did it” is the new “Simpsons did it.”

TLC has released the first trailer for MILF Manor, a new reality series about eight non-Jennifer Coolidge MILFs who look for love with men half their age. “The women include a competitive 47-year-old fitness studio owner from Mexico currently living in Miami, a spontaneous 50-year-old ‘disco mommy’ from Orange County, a 44-year-old Jersey girl who’s relocated to Los Angeles, a 59-year-old fitness instructor and singer from L.A., and a 50-year-old event planner who used to be a B-Girl,” according to People.

If the premise for MILF Manor sounds familiar, that’s because it’s a 30 Rock joke come to life. In the season two episode, “MILF Island,” the TGS with Tracy Jordan staff becomes obsessed with MILF Island, which Jack Donaghy memorably describes as being about “25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules.” (One of the moms turned out to be a prostitute, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a “wonderful, caring MILF.”)

The 30 Rock episode was written by Tina Fey and Matt Hubbard, but even they had the restraint to not include a “shocking” twist like MILF Manor. The trailer only hits at what it is (“Things just got real,” one of the MILFs teases), but come on… the studs are their sons, right? We’ll find out on January 15, when MILF Manor premieres to record high ratings in the NASCAR dads demo on TLC. Until then, please enjoy the 30 Rock jokes.

Look forward to Bitch Hunter, coming next fall to Peacock.

(Via People)

After getting routinely criticized for the “low energy” announcement of his 2024 presidential run, Donald Trump apparently has a new announcement coming. Whether it involves his 2024 campaign — which is already polling behind Ron DeSantis who hasn’t even entered the race — remains to be seen, but the whole thing is giving off creepy, authoritarian vibes.

In a new Truth Social post on Wednesday, Trump wrote, “AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO. I will be making a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT tomorrow. Thank you!” However, he included the message with an image of him ripping off his suit and tie to reveal a superhero costume while firing laser beams out of his eyes. The whole thing gave off major unhinged vibes from his days on Twitter.

After catching a glimpse of the weird, Homelander-esque image and all-caps message, people on Twitter immediately went to town dunking on Trump as “MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT” started to trend. You can see some of the reactions below:

Again, it’s unknown if this announcement will have anything to do with Trump’s 2024 campaign. However, Republicans have roundly criticized his first campaign event as “low energy,” and ill-advised given its proximity to the midterm elections that failed to produce a red wave. Although, some of that criticism came from Trump’s highly controversial dinner with Kanye West and noted white supremacist Nick Fuentes. A dinner that was reportedly a massive troll to make the former president look bad.

However, based on the manic superhero meme and a return to all-caps posting, it does appear that Trump is dipping back into his less restrained public persona and really getting wild with his public statements. So who knows what he’s going to announce on Thursday, and may God have mercy on us all.

(Via Rick Wilson on Twitter)