It might seem like Tom Cruise’s face has been in theaters all summer long…and that is mostly correct. But he did in fact leave the movie theaters at some point to go jump out of more planes and negotiate a spacewalk. But like a moth to a flame, Cruise always finds his way back into the movies, even if it’s been just a few weeks since he left.
After breaking records and inspiring the great mustache revival around the world, Top Gun: Maverick will triumphantly fly back into IMAX theaters this weekend, with 26% more picture but just 25% more mustache, probably.
It’s time to return to the skies. Top Gun: Maverick returns to select IMAX theatres on December 2. Relive the unforgettable #FilmedForIMAX experience with up to 26% more picture – only in IMAX. Get your tickets now: https://t.co/ftbS88a9e5pic.twitter.com/nv9bXjShy3
It’s almost as if you are right there, and Cruise could ask you to take over at any point for that cool plane trick that you painstakingly prepared.
If that doesn’t sound appealing to you, just take a look at this aspect ratio, via a press release:
Moviegoers will find themselves totally immersed in our 1.90:1 aspect ratio, which provides up to 26% more picture only in IMAX. Shot with 6 IMAX-certified cameras strapped into real F-18 cockpits, audiences will soar through the sky like never before. This film pushes the boundaries of film technology innovation and IMAX audiences will experience the action in unmatched quality.
This is the second time Top Gun: Maverick has returned to theaters since debuting in May, then once again in September for Labor Day weekend. It will play in IMAX for just two weeks beginning December 2nd, so you only have about 26 more chances to check it out on the Big Screen if you decided to see it twice in one day for the next 14 days. By then, the movie will have landed on Paramount+ so you can watch it every day for the rest of your life, as Cruise intended.
The city of Los Angeles and neighboring towns have seen an uptick in major crimes. Nearing the top of the list is burglary. Unfortunately, musician Tommy Lee, is the latest celebrity to fall victim to this crime (according to TMZ).
The Mötley Crüe drummer’s Calabasas property located just 40 minutes outside of L.A. was vandalized. The burglary resulted in nearly $5,000 in damages. An unidentified source in the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Office spoke with TMZ to share the damages were from broken glass, lamps, and damage to one of the side gates that outlined the home. The same source revealed only a bathroom mirror and several cabinet handles were stolen from the premises.
Thankfully, Lee has not lived in the home for a few years and was not present when the burglary occurred. Located in the Santa Monica mountains, the OnlyFans content curator’s mansion was originally listed for sale back in 2020. Lee later removed the home from the market, only to re-list the home in September.
This isn’t the first time the musician’s home was burglarized. In 1995, Lee’s then-home with ex-wife Pamela Anderson was violated which resulted in the leaking of their explicit tape which was reenacted in the Hulu series, Pam & Tommy.
No suspect has been arrested in connection with the alleged burglary. Tommy Lee has not yet issued a statement.
Every famous person in Hollywood should be calling their agent to get them a role on The White Lotus. First off, you get to work with Jennifer Coolidge, who seems cool as hell. Also, you get to travel to beautiful locations, like Hawaii last season and Italy this season, and be on one of the best shows on television.
Season one had Murray Bartlett, Connie Britton, Alexandra Daddario, Sydney Sweeney, Steve Zahn, and Molly Shannon, among others, while season two has an equally stacked cast, including Aubrey Plaza, Michael Imperioli, Haley Lu Richardson, F. Murray Abraham, and Meghann Fahy. Who will be horny and miserable in season three? And where will it be set? I’ll answer both questions in four words: California, here we come.
In response to a tweet suggesting that the cast of The O.C. — the rare teen drama where the parents were as interesting, if not more so, as their kids — be sent to a White Lotus resort next season, actor Ben McKenzie (Ryan) tweeted, “Let’s do this.”
He has the support of his co-stars Rachel Bilson (Summer) and Melinda Clarke (Julie).
His former costars Rachel Bilson and Melinda Clarke shared his tweet on their Instagram Story on Monday. On Tuesday, Bilson, 41, doubled down, sharing a photo of herself holding a mug with the names of The O.C. characters, writing, “Morning! #welcometothewhitelotusbitches?” in a callback to the famous “Welcome to the O.C., bitch” line spoken to McKenzie’s character in the pilot of the FOX series.
When it comes to the Billboard 200 albums chart, the love was spread around pretty well: So far, 23 different albums have spent time at No. 1. But, which ones?
Well, here’s the list, in order of when they were first in the top spot:
Worth noting is that Drake (Honestly, Nevermind and Her Loss) and Stray Kids (Oddinary and Maxident) are the only artists with multiple No. 1 albums so far in 2022.
Billboard themselves tweeted this list earlier today (although they excluded Adele’s Hello, since it was released in 2021 and their list was focused on new 2022 albums), so find that below.
As Donald Trump continues to weather criticism from across the political spectrum for allowing known white supremacist Nick Fuentes to join him for dinner as a guest of Kanye West, a new report claims the whole thing was an elaborate setup engineered to “trap” the former president in an embarrassing situation.
According to NBC News, Kanye is reportedly being advised by controversial political provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos, who has been spotted in recent days with West’s growing antisemitic entourage. Yiannopoulos bragged to NBC News that orchestrating Fuentes’ presence at Mar-a-Lago was both revenge and a wake-up call for Trump who has forgotten his MAGA roots. Or something:
“I wanted to show Trump the kind of talent that he’s missing out on by allowing his terrible handlers to dictate who he can and can’t hang out with,” Yiannopoulos told NBC News.
“I also wanted to send a message to Trump that he has systematically repeatedly neglected, ignored, abused the people who love him the most, the people who put him in office, and that kind of behavior comes back to bite you in the end,” he added.
Adding insult to injury, Fuentes also copped to the plot, which for the record, centered on it being a humiliating moment for Trump to be seen with him. Heck of a self-own there.
“I hate to say it but the chickens are coming home to roost,” Fuentes told NBC News. “You know, this is the frustration with his base and with his true loyalists.”
However, the supposed troll did not go entirely unnoticed. After the dinner, Trump was reportedly furious and ranted that Kanye “tried to f–k me.” An anonymous source told NBC News that Trump realized it was a “setup,” but clearly, too late.
The fifth episode of The White Lotus saw the show’s plot accelerate further into chaos thanks to a combination of day drinking, a trip to the bank, and a surreal trip to the opera. But the show’s final scene is what’s left most viewers baffled and wondering what the final two episodes of Season 2 will have in store.
That scene (spoilers ahead, obviously) featured Tanya awakened in a lush Palermo villa after hearing something, which turned out to be her host Quentin on the receiving end of some very graphic thrusting from “naughty nephew” Jack. Who, of course, had just moments earlier promised to visit Portia in her own room for something similar after taking care of some business with said uncle.
It was a shocking moment for a number of reasons, starting with the suggestion of incest, but also because Portia and Jack really seemed to be hitting it off. Even though he tends to get cold nips in the pool, Jack quickly made Tanya’s assistant forget about Albie’s invitation to hang poolside.
.
“If you want an adventure, stick with me,” Jack says in the show’s fourth episode. “I know how to have fun in the sandbox.”
In the following episode, we saw just how much fun Jack can be. The two skipped the opera to carouse around Palermo, checking out an arancini place Jack raved about and exploring the city’s nightlife. It was the first time Portia seems truly happy, leaving her existential angst and worry behind to have some carefree fun. Even if it hurt her feet to run in those heels.
All of that seems to have gone out the window given the episode’s final moments, with Portia’s boss now carrying the knowledge that Jack has both had sex with Portia on a yacht and, presumably, his own uncle later that night. Given Tanya’s own propensity for chaos, it’s basically inevitable that Portia will find out and things will get extremely weird over the next fortnight.
But is Jack really Quentin’s uncle? Well, at this point it’s hard to really know much of anything. The White Lotus is a mystery that begins with an unknown number of dead bodies this season and has only deepened in uncertainty as it unfolds. And right now, Quentin’s identity (and intentions) remain perhaps the biggest and most important mystery of all. He has a collection of men around him at all times, so it’s entirely possible that Jack is simply another man in his very fashionable harem. And White Lotus creator Mike White isn’t revealing anything, either. In an interview with Variety, he talked about the taboo scene but demurred when asked if the two were actually related.
White continued: “I just think transgressive sex is sexier. I guess I’m old school. There’s this Gothic vibe of walking through a haunted hotel or haunted house and people are having sex behind closed doors.”
As far as whether Quentin and Jack are actually related, White teased, “Well, you’ll have to see.”
Both actors involved in the scene were tight-lipped about the significance of the scene in the press opportunities after the episode, too. Leo Woodall, who plays Jack, made it clear he knew Quentin was his uncle according to the script. But he didn’t know what was coming…
“When I found out about the scene, I was speechless for a while,” Woodall said. “I’m such a huge fan of Tom’s, and when I heard that he was going to be playing my uncle, I thought, ‘That is unreal.’ And then when I found out that I was going to shag him as well — that was kind of surreal. Anything that Mike White does with this show is kind of perfect, so there were no reservations about it. It felt like an incredibly ‘wow’ moment.”
All that uncertainty, both in the family tree and the show’s body count, has made this season a gold mine of fan theories. And after the shocking finish to the episode, many of those theories are about whether Quentin and Co. are actually angling for Tanya’s money. As Cameron teased earlier in the season, plenty of wealthy Europeans have lush palazzos but are “cash poor.” And Tanya specifically remarked that it’s a relief to know Quentin isn’t trying to get her money because he’s already rich. But… is he?
In the episode, Jack and Portia run out on the rice ball bill, causing a chase scene in Palermo. Jack says he forgot his wallet and, as a gentleman, didn’t want to make her pay. But it’s a curious thing to do after allegedly staying with extremely wealthy people in an exotic locale for months. Usually, when a show goes out of its own way to show you something like that, it leads to something later on.
That bit of mystery opens the door to just how much truth everyone is telling Portia and Tanya in the palazzo. And as many pointed out, including our own Brian Grubb, the story he tells near the end of the episode about a forbidden lover sounds… a lot like the plot of Brokeback Mountain. Is Quentin toying with Tanya, or is the “cowboy” just his nephew, Jack? Or is the cowboy in the story actually her husband, Greg? Recall that he told someone else on the phone he loved them before he abruptly left Sicily earlier in the season. Perhaps the story is true, but the characters are far more familiar than we currently know.
Given how the show’s cliffhangers build with each subsequent episode, it seems likely we’ll get a resolution of sorts to the whole incest thing sometime in the next two hours or so of the show. But there’s certainly a lot to talk about as the season nears a conclusion.
The USMNT arrived at Tuesday’s final group stage game with Iran with a very simple scenario facing them: win and advance, lose and go home.
While there were a couple scenarios that could play out in terms of their seeding in the group depending on what happened in England-Wales, there was only one thing that mattered and that was getting a win. That seemed to free up what had been a sluggish American attack early in the game to go for it, as they dominated possession early, creating a number of potential chances but weren’t able to put anything past the Iranian keeper or even really threaten him for the first half hour. That all changed in the 38th minute when Weston McKinnie delivered a ball over the top to Sergiño Dest, who put a headed cross across the face of the six-yard box and found Christian Pulisic who hammered it into the back of the net to put the U.S. up 1-0.
It was a sensational goal that the Americans desperately needed after struggling to finish chances in the first two matches. Had they gone to halftime once again dominating play but failing to get a goal out of it, it would’ve allowed nerves and doubt to really start creeping in.
The goal didn’t come without some concern though, as Pulisic collided with the keeper and stayed down for a few minutes on the goal line, before eventually being helped up and limping around, grabbing at his left thigh, before ultimately returning to the game. Now the Americans will spend the second half looking to add another goal while not getting caught out in a counter attack — which Iran had a couple opportunities on in the first half — but it was a deserved result for the better team in the first 45 minutes.
Unless you’re just not active on social media these days, there’s a high chance you’ve seen at least oneInstafest post making the rounds online. The website, which connects to your Spotify account, curates a mock festival lineup based on your top artists — anywhere from all-time to the past month. However, for a few users, their music tastes are just too good and have accidentally tricked others into believing that their dream lineups are real.
“Found out these musical festivals are just generated by oomfs spotifys why I looked up how to buy tickets….” a Twitter user wrote in a now-viral post, complete with a confused GIF moment.
found out these musical festivals are just generated by oomfs spotifys why I looked up how to buy tickets…. pic.twitter.com/GXZki1NNgO
“should’ve know sumn was up when Beyoncé and shygirl were headliners,” he replied.
Others who’ve encountered lineups from the Instafest program were so lost about the fact that older artists (or those who have passed away) were going to be holograms at the pretend festival. “First one I saw had juice wrld on it and I was bamboozled,” one person replied. Anyone including Michael Jackson, Mac Miller, and Amy Winehouse have also been highlighted in this particular concert confusion.
I was sitting here confused like they really brang micheal jackson back from the dead to perform? pic.twitter.com/0haxMAMVNQ
Jason Isbell had a couple of funny tweets about this whole thing, too, with one reading, “Glad I’m not announcing a real festival lineup today.” He followed up, “Everybody should have to actually try to book those festivals then handle all the complaints when tickets are $314,000 each.”
Glad I’m not announcing a real festival lineup today
We do a lot of blind tastings around this website, and quite frankly, a lot of them aren’t super fun for me. I’m not even talking about trying to sample every variety of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake (which was just dumb enough that I appreciated it), but things like jarred marinara or alfredo sauce… those were strictly for the #content and foods that I’ll probably never eat again (God willing). Hot sauce, however, was a genuine source of curiosity.
When I was growing up, hot sauce preference was almost as fraught as your favorite sports teams or light beer (as a Bud Light man I secretly think all Coors Light people are scum and all Miller Light people are oafs). There were feuding camps and, for the most part, you were either Team Tapatio or Team Cholula. At the time, I was a staunch Tapatonian.
Growing up in a hotbed of Mexican food, obviously, the most popular choices were Mexican hot sauces. If you’re from the Southeast, I imagine a similar debate rages between vinegary, Louisiana-style sauces like Crystal and Tabasco (the latter of which, somewhat confusingly, shares a name with a region of Mexico). In the Northeast and Upper Midwest, it’s presumably a battle of Buffalo wing-style sauces, like Frank’s and Burman’s. And of course, you can’t talk hot sauce without talking Sriracha — a Thai-style sauce popularized by a Vietnamese immigrant to Southern California, yet a staple of any true hot sauce head’s pantry.
These kinds of unexamined loyalties make hot sauce a perfect subject for our latest blind taste test. Did I really like the taste of Tapatío the best or was I just swayed by its indisputably cool packaging? (“Es una salsa… muy salsa” is the GOAT of hot sauce slogans). And could we even rank Mexican hot sauces, Louisiana style, Buffalo style, and sriracha against each other? At the very least, it was worth a shot.
To assemble the competitors, I consulted a fewlists of the most popular hot sauces — some of which had regional favorites I’d never even heard of (Burman’s? Texas Pete? La Costeña? Mostly unfamiliar to me), and threw in a couple from the big chain restaurants and stores (Del Taco, Taco Bell, Trader Joe’s). That left us with 20 sauces. If I didn’t include your favorite hot sauce here, just remember that 20 sauces is about the upper limit on how many sauces it’s possible to sample in a single sitting. My brother-in-law (the only friend I had brave enough to attempt this taste test with me) finished this blind tasting with a kitchen towel wrapped around his head to catch the sweat.
I prepped for this by eating a serving of yogurt mixed with chia seeds and a half shot of Pepto Bismol (which I would recommend, for those of you attempting this at home). It actually worked, in that I didn’t spend half the following morning on the toilet. Success!
Vince Mancini
We tasted these using a mixture of finger dipping (oh shut up, the spice kills the germs), spoon dabbing, and crackers (we tried Ritz at first, but they were too buttery and skewed the results, so we switched to white, wafery crackers that were more neutral). Tasting them plain like this probably isn’t a great recreation of real-world conditions, but honestly how else are you going to do it? One can only account for so many different foods, so tasting plain seemed the fairest.
The Lineup
1. Crystal
2. Trader Joe’s Green Dragon
3. La Costeña Mexican Hot Sauce
4. Frank’s Red Hot (Original)
5. Trader Joe’s Organic Spicy Taco Sauce
6. Tabasco Sauce (Original)
7. Texas Pete (Original)
8. Louisiana Hot Sauce
9. Cholula Hot Sauce (Original)
10. Del Taco Del Inferno
11. Del Taco Del Scorcho (Medium)
12. Mexico Lindo Salsa Picante Negra
13. Valentina Salsa Picante
14. Tapatio
15. Taco Bell Diablo
16. Taco Bell Fire Sauce
17. Taco Bell Hot
18. Burman’s Hot Sauce
19. Sambal Oelek
20. Huy Fong Sriracha
Vince Mancini
Most Recognizable
A lot of these sauces are quite similar to each other, not to mention that I suspect a lot of the appeal is tied up with your sense memory. So when a hot sauce is instantly recognizable even in a blind, pitted against a bunch of other similar sauces, recognizability feels like a feat in and of itself. Here were the sauces that were easiest to identify, in no particular order:
Sriracha, Cholula, Sambal Oelek, and Taco Bell Hot Sauce.
The Rankings
20. Taco Bell Diablo Sauce (Sample 15)
Taco Bell
The Sauce:
Taco Bell introduced Diablo for Cinco De Mayo in 2015, saying at the time that it was made with Peruvian aji panca, chipotle, and chili peppers. It was meant to be a limited-time offering but was apparently popular enough that they had to bring it back permanently a year later.
My Notes:
This one is a darker red with black pepper flecks. It’s much stronger on the nose, though a little muddled. Cayenne and garlic… maybe some cumin… Tasting it — woof, this is an absolute cumin bomb. Oh hell no. This is genuinely off-putting.
Wild they had to bring this sauce back because boy does it suck. There’s a time and a place for almost all of these sauces, but this one was the only one that made me think “absolutely not” right off the bat. Supposedly the hottest of the Taco Bell sauces, it didn’t seem notably hot to me. Just bad flavor.
Rating: 1/10
19. Del Taco Del Scorcho (Medium) (Sample 11)
Del Taco
The Sauce:
Del Taco has been around since 1964, and I’ve always thought of it as a slightly nicer version of Taco Bell, because you could get fresh red jalapeños with your nachos. Del Scorcho is their medium-heat sauce, and it has jalapeños, tomato paste, vinegar, and a lot of other stuff. I always thought it was named after the single from the best Weezer album (“El Scorcho” from Pinkerton) but apparently, the sauce came first. Ay cabrero!
My Notes:
This looks and smells like hot sauce from a taco joint packet. It smells and tastes like dry spices, nothing particularly noteworthy about it.
I always appreciated Del Taco for the fresh jalapeños, which sort of made the sauce packets irrelevant.
Rating: 3/10
18. Taco Bell Hot (Sample 17)
Taco Bell
The Sauce
Taco Bell’s hot sauce is older than Fire or Diablo and not as hot, though with a similar ingredients list as Fire — tomato paste, jalapeños, vinegar.
My Notes:
This one is orangy and gelatinous looking, and that texture is sort of a dead giveaway that this came from a packet. This one smells… well it smells like Taco Bell, there’s really no other way to describe it. I’ve had enough Taco Bell in my life that this is a redolent sense memory. That being said… it isn’t very good. This feels like the level of heat that was considered just at the top end of the tolerable scale for white people in the eighties. It’s not very hot and the flavor is kind of canned tomato-y. It’s much better at evoking memories than delivering flavor.
Rating: 3/10
17. Taco Bell Fire (Sample 16)
Taco Bell
The Sauce
Supposedly introduced in the early 2000s (I could’ve sworn it was earlier but I can’t find a source for that) Fire comes in at 500 Scoville units, which makes it about a fifth as hot as Tabasco. It has similar ingredients to Taco Bell’s Hot sauce, and all the real heads know that it’s the best of the Taco Bell sauces.
My Notes:
This one is sweeter and Mexicany, but tastes cheap and processed somehow. Like there’s stabilizers in there or something.
Not a whole lot to say about this one. It’s better than Taco Bell’s other not-great sauces. I don’t expect much from a sauce that could sit in the glove compartment of an abandoned car for 10 years and taste roughly the same as when it went in, but as long as that’s your baseline, Fire sauce is pretty solid.
Rating: 3.2/10
16. Del Taco Del Inferno (Sample 10)
Del Taco
The Sauce:
Del Taco introduced Del Inferno in 2008, claiming at the time that it was “three times hotter than any sauces served at rival chains.” The ingredients list looks pretty similar to most of the other packet sauces — tomato, corn syrup, jalapeño — though it does also have ancho peppers.
My Notes:
A chunky-ish dark red in appearance. I don’t get much on the nose but perhaps my senses are just blown out. On the palate, this one tastes sweet and ketchupy after all the vinegary hot sauces. It comes on really hot, but not right away. This one sort of creeps up on you.
I liked this one slightly better than the Taco Bell sauces but not by much. It still tastes like it came from a packet… because it did.
Rating: 4/10
15. Mexico Lindo Salsa Picante Negra (Sample 12)
Vince Mancini
The Sauce:
I saw this one at the store and picked it up on a whim (black hot sauce? that sounds fun!). I didn’t realize at the time that it had arguably the most insane ingredients list of any of these sauces, which included: “…citric acid (as acidulant), fructose, modified starch, class IV caramel color, phosphoric acid (as an acidity regulator), xantham gum (as a thickener), acetic acid (as flavor enhacement) [sic], sodium metabisulfite (as antioxidant), potassium sorbate and sodium bonzoate (as preservatives), FD&C Yellow No. 6 and FD&C Red No. 40.”
My Notes:
This looks like soy sauce. Smells like it too! I don’t know if it’s just the look of the sauce playing tricks on me or if it really does taste salty and soy saucy. That’s all I really get from this one.
I really like black mole and the dark chipotle sauces at Rubio’s and Baja Fresh so this one seemed like a worthwhile shot, but it really didn’t have much going for it beyond the novelty value. Everyone else who tasted it concurred.
Rating: 4/10.
14. Texas Pete (Sample 7)
Texas Pete
The Sauce
According to its own legend, “Texas Pete” was invented in 1929 in North Carolina, and got its name through this simultaneously convoluted and banal story: “…when Sam Garner and his three sons, Thad, Ralph and Harold, were trying to come up with a brand name for this spicy new sauce they had created, a marketing advisor suggested the name “Mexican Joe” to connote the piquant flavor reminiscent of the favorite foods of our neighbors to the south. “Nope!” said the patriarch of the Garner family. “It’s got to have an American name!” Sam suggested they move across the border to Texas, which also had a reputation for spicy cuisine. Then he glanced at son Harold, whose nickname was ‘Pete’ and the Texas Pete cowboy was born.”
According to this Instacart poll, it’s the most popular hot sauce in the Carolinas. It has vinegar and aged peppers.
My Notes:
Looks: candy apple red with pepper flecks. On the nose, I don’t get much out of this one. On the palate… kind of the same? I don’t know if it’s because I’m blown out after six other sauces but this is weirdly not flavorful?
Big shrug from this one.
Rating: 4/10
13. Tapatío (Sample 14)
Tapatio
The Sauce
Originally produced in Southern California in 1971, the name “Tapatío” is of course Spanish for “small appetizer uncle.” Just kidding, it’s apparently a slang term for someone from Guadalajara. Its main flavors are red peppers and garlic, and it’s one of the top 10 hot sauces in America, according to Instacart.
My Notes:
This one is darker red in color. Lots of vinegar on the nose. Tastes like… hmm, I can’t isolate it. There’s something weird and soy saucy in there, like dry spices and too much vinegar.
Uh oh, is this where I find out that my entire life been a lie? I thought I was a Tapatío man but it turns out I maybe just liked the Tapatío Man. It’s still una salsa muy salsa, but it’s not my favorite.
Rating: 4.5/10
12. Trader Joe’s Green Dragon (Sample 2)
Trader Joe
The Sauce
According to Trader Joe’s, their Green Dragon hot sauce is made with jalapeños, tomatillos, cilantro, garlic, and habanero pepper powder, with a dash of vinegar and a splash of lime juice. Based on name and bottle shape, it seems to be their attempt at creating a green equivalent of sriracha.
My Notes:
Green and salsa verde looking, with small black pepper flecks and leaves. Smells more tart and tomatillo-like. On the palate, it’s… really sweet. Not necessarily in a bad way, but sweeter than I expected. Much less vinegary than most of these sauces.
My brother-in-law and wife (she only tried a few) both liked this one a lot. I thought it was fine, just sweeter than I’d like. I’d call it an interesting change of pace, but it wouldn’t be my go-to.
Rating: 5/10
11. Tabasco Sauce (Sample 6)
Tabasco
The Sauce
Tabasco sauce, which has been around for more than 150 years, was invented by a Maryland transplant to Louisiana, Edmund McIlhanny. It’s named for the Tabasco peppers from which it’s made (which are in turn named after the Mexican state of Tabasco), which are aged and mixed with vinegar.
My Notes:
This one seems to have started separating. It’s orange-y in color. Mostly I get vinegar on the nose. On the tongue, it’s VERY spicy and not much else. I think I like it but mostly I just get heat. Habanero? Kind of at a loss for how to rate this one.
Here’s where it gets funny (kinda): my brother-in-law is a Tabasco superfan. Asks for it by name at restaurants, keeps multiple bottles of it at home, work, in the car — the whole nine. His notes for it, when tasting blind, were “HOT. Vinegar. Not a daily driver.”
This for a sauce that’s literally his daily driver. You never know what you’re going to get in a blind taste test, folks.
One thing I learned in the course of this test is that whereas I had thought that all the Louisiana-style sauces were cayenne-based, and essentially trying to recreate Tabasco Sauce, Tabasco is actually the outlier, being made from Tabasco peppers. That’s probably why it looks so much lighter in color on the plate. As for why we both thought this one was so spicy (when it’s clearly not the world’s spiciest hot sauce) I have a theory: Tabasco is so vinegar-heavy, to the point that you can actually see it separating on the plate, that I think some of the vinegar evaporated off of it by the time we tasted, so what was left actually concentrated the spice.
Anyway, it seems to add more heat than flavor, which is what you want sometimes but makes it tough to stand out in a blind taste test.
10. Burman’s Hot Sauce (Sample 18)
Vince Mancini
The Sauce
Burman’s is an Aldi product that is the favorite hot sauce of Iowa, Missouri, and/or Pennsylvania, depending which Instacart study one sites. Almost every mention of it also points out that it tastes a lot like Frank’s Red Hot. It’s made with cayenne peppers and garlic powder.
My Notes:
This is a bright, vibrant orange. It’s very appealing — looks-wise this might be my favorite. On the nose, it smells like vinegar and cayenne. On the tongue… this tastes like buffalo wings. Like, exactly like buffalo wings. I guess it’s good at being this exact thing? This is Frank’s I assume.
My brother-in-law was also convinced that this was Frank’s. I rate this one a solid “it is what it is.”
Rating: 6/10.
9. Louisiana Hot Sauce (Sample 8)
Vince Mancini
The Sauce
Louisiana Hot Sauce, aka Original Louisiana Hot Sauce, has been released since 1928, according to the company. People naturally tend to compare it to Tabasco, with whom it shares the basic recipe of aged peppers and vinegar. But whereas Tabasco uses Tabasco peppers aged for three years, Louisiana uses cayenne peppers aged for one year.
My Notes:
This one has the same sort of watery red look that like six of these have. Smells strongly of cayenne and vinegar. Okay, this has to be Tabasco. This is a nice mix of vinegar and spice. Spicier than the last one I thought was Tabasco.
As you may have noticed, there were a bunch of these I thought were Tabasco. One of the ones I didn’t was the actual Tabasco. This was one of the better-tasting ones (higher than Tabasco but not as high as Crystal), though it doesn’t pack as much heat as Tabasco.
Rating: 6/10
8. Cholula (Sample 9)
Choluila
The Sauce
Originally produced by the Harrison family of Chapala, Mexico, it was licensed by Jose Cuervo and introduced to the US in 1989. Cholula uses arbol chiles and pequín peppers, the only chili peppers native to North America.
My Notes:
This one is a bright vibrant orange, very uniform looking. Tasting it… I’m 95% sure this is Cholula. It’s like instantly recognizable as that, so much so that it’s actually hard to describe otherwise. Garlicky?
Like the Taco Bell Hot sauce but a lot better, Cholula kind of only tastes/smells like Cholula. It’s the only one of these sauces to use pequín peppers (aka chiltepín), which could account for the singular flavor. Anyway, I always thought I was a Tapatío man, but I was wrong. I officially like Cholula better (and it’s still not my number one Mexican-style hot sauce — read on for that).
Rating: 6/10
7. Crystal Hot Sauce (Sample 1)
Vince Mancini
The Sauce
Produced by Baumer Foods since 1923, Crystal, out of New Orleans, is the other of the Big Three Louisiana sauces. Like Original Louisiana, it uses aged cayenne peppers and vinegar.
My Notes:
This one is vinegar/cayenne, but with some black peppery notes. I think this might be one of the Mexican ones? It’s very good though.
It’s extremely splitting hairs on account of how similar they are, but Crystal was my slight favorite of the Louisiana sauces. It has a little more body to it (less watery) than Original Louisiana and I slightly prefer the cayenne taste to the Tabasco peppers in Tabasco. My brother in law’s notes said “vinegar — not flavorful, not exciting” for whatever that’s worth.
Rating: 6.5/10
6. Frank’s Red Hot (Sample 4)
Franks
The Sauce
While it’s popular in the Northeast (probably due to its association with Buffalo wings, supposedly invented in 1964), Frank’s was actually first bottled in Cincinnati in 1920, using cayenne peppers grown in Louisiana. Like the Louisiana sauces, it uses aged cayenne peppers and plenty of vinegar.
My Notes:
This is watery looking, like Taco Bell sauce. Heavy vinegar on the nose with plenty of… cayenne, I’m pretty sure. This one tastes like Tabasco, with a nice balance of vinegar and spice.
Well, nice to know I can correctly identify cayenne peppers and vinegar. It tastes pretty similar to the Louisiana sauces.
Rating: 7/10
5. Trader Joe’s Organic Spicy Taco Sauce
Trader Joe
The Sauce
Say what you will about Trader Joe’s, they actually describe the product on the website: “We start with a base of distilled vinegar and tomato paste; add some heat thanks to chili pepper powder, red jalapeño pepper purée, and cayenne peppers; and round out the flavor with spices like garlic powder, pepper, and oregano.”
My Notes
This one looks darker brown and peppery. I get heavy notes of garlic and cumin on the nose. If I had to guess this is Tapatío. It’s a very different experience than the Tabasco-style sauces but I like it.
Yep, I thought this one was the Tapatío. A shockingly high finish for a Trader Joe’s condiment.
Rating: 8/10
4. La Costeña Mexican Hot Sauce (Sample 3)
La Costena
The Sauce
La Costeña was a new one to me, but according to Instacart was the seventh most popular hot sauce in America. Operating out of Ecatepec, near Mexico City, the second ingredient (behind water) is actually carrots.
My Notes:
This one is a more uniform red color, and not as watery. This one is very… hot peppery? Am I allowed to say that? Like more towards a fruity habanero flavor. It’s nicely balanced.
Call me an idiot for thinking this had habanero, but lots of habanero sauces use carrots as a base to maintain that habanero-orange color (if you use enough habaneros to actually make a sauce habanero orange it will be basically inedibly spicy). And it does use red jalapeños, which are a little fruitier than the more familiar green ones. Anyway, this one came out of left field and beat both Cholula and Tapatío according to me. And it’s still not my favorite of the Mexican-style hot sauces (are you feeling properly teased yet?).
Rating: 8/10
3. Valentina Salsa Picante (Sample 13)
Valentina
The Sauce
Manufactured by the Tamazula Group in Guadalajara, Valentina has been around since the 1960s and reportedly gets its heat from puya peppers, which are similar to guajillo chilis.
My Notes
A bright red purée, very uniform-looking. On the nose… I can’t detect much of anything. Could be my nose is just nuked from smelling 12 other hot sauces. On the palate… I really like this flavor — garlic, black peppery, light on the vinegar. It tastes like…. cayenne pepper without the vinegar?
This is it: my favorite Mexican hot sauce and probably the biggest surprise of the competition. I was vaguely aware of Valentina before this, but it really stood out and put all my imagined heavy hitters to shame. My brother-in-law also had it starred as one of his favorites. For the record, they also sell a black-label version that’s even spicier.
Rating: 8.5
2. Sambal Oelek (Huy Fong)
Huy Fong
The Sauce
“Sambal Oelek” is the generic name for a variation of Indonesian chili paste, Sambal. One of the most popular versions (which we sampled here) is made by Huy Fong, which was founded in the early 1980s by a Vietnamese immigrant named David Tran. It’s commonly made with fresh ground cayenne and bird’s eye chilis, though Huy Fong doesn’t reveal their secrets, saying only “a full-bodied sauce with the pure taste of chilis. No other flavors have been added for those who prefer a simpler taste.”
My Notes
Well, this is pretty obviously the Sambal, based on the color (bright red) texture (like a slightly chunky chili paste), and visible seeds. I thought my senses were blown out before, but when I put this one up to my nose I realize that they aren’t. It’s a bracing blast of fresh chilis and garlic. On the tongue, it’s pretty much the same — just a big punch of ripe red chilis.
This one tastes so much fresher than anything else. It’s pretty hard to beat.
Okay, so according to the ingredients I was wrong about the garlic (though Huy Fong does make a chili-garlic paste for exactly that). This one was actually sitting in my fridge, about one-third full. I probably bought it… at least four months ago. And it still tasted so fresh compared to other sauces that I only opened for this competition. I suppose you could quibble about whether this truly counts as a “hot sauce” given that it’s more of a paste and you have to use a spoon, but it’s really damned good.
Rating: 8.5/10
1. Sriracha (Huy Fong)
Vince Mancini
The Sauce
Sriracha is named after the town of Si Racha in Thailand. Huy Fong’s version, with the iconic rooster logo (originally hand-painted by founder David Tran himself, according to lore) just happens to be the most popular one. According to Instacart, it’s the most popular hot sauce in America. You might not have known it based on the bright red color, but it’s actually made from jalapeños — the ripe, red ones — plus garlic, vinegar, sugar, and salt.
My Notes
I’m 95% sure this is sriracha. The most obvious giveaways are the uniform texture, which is like a more vibrant, slightly more watery ketchup, and the smell. On the nose, it’s fresh and bracing and pungent like the sambal — very redolent of fresh chilis — though there’s also garlic and some kind of fermenty funk in there. On the tongue the most obvious thing about it is how much sweeter it is. The notes up front are sugar and fresh red chili, whereas most others are much more vinegar-forward. I mean this is just a really good hot sauce. There’s a reason this is a classic.
Like the sambal, this was an open bottle I’ve had in my fridge for who knows how long, and it still comes off that much fresher than everything else. It’s also maybe a little unfair since this one is so recognizable. And when I used to work in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant in college, I’d douse every family meal (I still dream about some of that off-menu, freshly-made, family-style Chinese food) in Sriracha (to the point that I think grandpa Lao once got a little offended). This is to say that Sriracha is an evocative sense memory and that’s kind of hard for anything to compete with. It’s so sweet that I wouldn’t use it on everything, and sometimes you really want something more vinegary (on clam chowder, say, or in Buffalo wings), but in this blind, it was like an old friend.
Rating: 9/10
Final Thoughts
For the record, my brother-in-law’s favorites were Valentina, Trader Joe’s Green Dragon, and Cholula.
A lot of this hot sauce preference, even stripping away the packaging and our perceived notions of ourselves (like me thinking I was a Tapatío guy, and my brother in law thinking he was a Tabasco guy), is all tangled up with sense memory, what you’re putting your hot sauce on, and frankly what mood you happen to be in that day. That Sriracha is a great hot sauce comes as no great revelation. For me, the biggest surprise was probably Valentina, which I’d seen before but didn’t realize was so good.
Mexican Hot Sauces: My final rankings were Valentina, La Costeña, Trader Joe’s Spicy Taco Sauce, Cholula, and Tapatío, followed by the Del Taco and Taco Bell sauces. I’m a little embarrassed to have Trader Joe’s so high, if I’m being honest, but it is what it is. I’ll be buying more Valentina from now on, but Cholula also gets a little bump for being so singular.
Louisiana Hot Sauces: Crystal, Frank’s (I think it counts), Original Louisiana, Tabasco — though these were a lot harder to distinguish between than the Mexican hot sauces and all are pretty good. Tabasco actually gets a bump for being more unique than its competitors.
Fresh off her starring role in Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, the wonderful Kathryn Hahn appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! to address some wild allegiations: it does not take her 40 minutes to pee… usually. Earlier this year, Hahn thanked her WandaVision co-star Elizabeth Olsen at Variety‘s Power of Women event for being “very patient with me as it took me like a solid 40 minutes to 10-one, [which means] to urinate in the movie business.” She blamed her “very small bladder” and having “a lot of costume on.”
The topic of her anxiety-free pee breaks came up again during Monday’s episode of Kimmel. “I will set the record straight: There has been some talk, apparently, that it took me 40 minutes to pee, I guess, on the first show [WandaVision],” Hahn said. “That was just because of my costume, you guys. This time, hopefully, we’re going to work out some kinks and it won’t take so long. That’s what I can tell you about the new show.”
That new show is Agatha: Coven of Chaos, where she’ll reprise her role as witch Agatha Harkness from WandaVision. More like Agatha All Along time to pee.
Marvel
Agatha: Coven of Chaos premieres in 2023. You can watch the Kimmel clip above.
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