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Learning how to taste whiskey is a project. Part of that project is building a palate, something that happens over the course of a lifetime. You can’t teach a palate. But there’s another component you can teach, and that’s learning the ins and outs of how to taste whiskey. Once you learn that, it’s like riding a bike — you’ll never forget how to do it. With that in mind, I’m going to do my best to teach you how to taste whiskey like a pro.

I know, it’s a lot; all this frou-frou sipping, spitting, and analyzing. It feels… elitist, somehow. It can feel like a barrier to entry. All I can say is that the one hard-and-fast rule is that you can’t do it that wrong. If you treat a fancy Glencairn pour as a shot at a dive bar, then yes, you’re doing it wrong, and you’ll likely burn out your palate too boot, especially if it’s a high-proof pour. Beyond that, whiskey tasting is about taking a journey through a flavor profile, the kind that only you, with your singular palate, can take. There are steps, but we’re not talking about anything that rigid.

I open all my tasting experiences with this, “Your palate is not mine and vice versa. We’re all going to find different notes in every sip, and we’ll all be correct in what we find.”

You are supposed to experience as many different smells and flavors as possible while tasting a whiskey, that’s why you take your time with it. This leads to the old whiskey-tasting adage: You can’t be wrong when calling out a flavor note or aroma. There are close to a thousand chemical compounds that express as certain flavors or smells in a single glass of whiskey. If you taste gorgonzola, walnuts, and wild honey, then that’s what you taste. If anyone ever says you’re wrong, they’re full of shit.

Okay, let’s cut to the chase and actually dive into how to taste whiskey like a pro. I’ll guide you through. I’m a professional spirits taster, judge, and consultant. This stuff is literally my life and my tasting skills/palate acumen pay the bills. So, you’re in good hands.

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months

• We Blind Tasted A Whole Bunch Of $30-60 Bourbons To See If Any Could Beat Weller
• We Put A Whole Bunch Of Bourbons To A Giant Blind Test And Discovered Some Absolute Gems
• We Blind Tasted Classic Bourbons And Were Shocked By The Winner
• The Best-Known Basic Bottles Of Bourbon, Blind Tasted And Ranked
• All The Double Gold-Winning Straight Bourbons From This Year’s San Francisco World Spirits Competition

Learn Some Vernacular

The best place to start is to learn some of the words. Things like “the color,” “the nose/aroma,” and “the flavor/taste,” feel pretty obvious. What do you see, smell, and taste? The “finish,” on the other hand, is a little more esoteric. It’s about what you’re tasting, sure, but it’s also about vibe and experience. How does that whiskey leave you feeling? Does it transport you to your grandma’s kitchen while she’s baking cookies? Are you on a dock in the pouring rain shucking oysters? Where does it take you and how clearly does it do that?

A “Glencairn” is the glass you’ll most likely see at a tasting. It’s the refined crystal glass that’s non-reactive, perfectly formed for nosing and tasting, and damn near universal.

A “flight” or “panel” is a set of whiskeys that you taste in succession.

We could get into “terpenes” or “esters” or other chemicals, but honestly, even I roll my eyes at folks who use those terms in the setting of a casual consumer whiskey tasting (if you’re talking about blending a whiskey as work at a distillery, that’s a different thing entirely). Still, you don’t really need to know about the compound “vanillin,” you can just say “vanilla.” The point is, you don’t need to get super technical here. Keep it simple.

Overall, go to whiskey tastings and listen to the guide. What they say will help you build out your whiskey language skills each and every time. It’s okay to learn as you go.

Do Some Research

I’d argue this is a little more important than learning what esters are. Learn about the whiskey(s) you’re tasting. Look up the history of the distillery. Look up the mash bills (recipes) and bottle details ahead of time. Learn about the people behind the brand/tasting. All of this is online these days either via brand websites or social media handles. The days of some master distiller or blender tinkering away in Scotland or Kentucky without any exposure to the consumer are long dead.

There’s a ton of information out there with full descriptions of what’s in the bottle physically and what to expect. Look at it this way: you can’t “spoil” what’s in a pour of whiskey by reading the brand’s tasting notes. There’s a good chance that you’ll never taste all the various notes they’ve listed, or that you’ll taste a whole bunch they didn’t, because, as we’ve said, you have a unique palate that’ll dictate all of this. So reading what the distiller/blender/bottler had in mind when they released a certain expression is a good way to understand what they were aiming for, but then you can also apply your own palate to see how far off or near that bull’s eye they landed with what’s actually in the bottle.

Set The Mood/Set Up

Unless you’re tasting at a distillery, bar, or liquor store, you’ll want to set the mood.

Think about the time of day, your mood, the climate in your home, where you’re going to sit, and what glasses you’re going to use (always use a Glencairn).

I like to have a window open (only a crack if it’s too hot or cold out, but still open). I tend to prefer some music on. I like Beethoven’s Sonatas. I was a music major when I first went to college and studied piano intensely since I was five, so this music is great background noise that I don’t have to focus on. If you really want to get specific, I usually go for his 5th, 6th, 21st, 23rd, 26th, or 28th sonatas (usually Glenn Gould). You don’t have to do that, but find some music that soothes you that you also don’t have to super focus on.

I always have a notepad with a pencil with me. You really want to write everything down. This is a great way to keep track but also call back to things you will forget as you taste more and more. Trust me, you will not be able to remember every detail of every pour you taste as you get a few months and years down the road. So having a journal/notebook to look back on is fundamental.

Now, pour some whiskey! I like to write down each pour I’m going to have as I pour it to keep track. Then you can fill in tasting notes and vibe notes as you go. I usually pour one-ounce pours only. This will give you a chance to nose and taste the whiskey two or three times. I also like pouring early and letting the whiskey set out for five to 10 minutes to allow some air to get to it. It helps it start to bloom in the glass quite a bit.

You’ll also want to ready a spitter (a pint glass is fine). We’re talking about tasting whiskey here, not drinking it. I also have a small glass of water so I can drop some in as I taste (but more on that later).

Lastly, clear your sinuses. Blow your nose. Then figure out which nostril has the most open path for smells (one will always be more open than the other) by nosing some whiskey with each individual nostril.

Prime Your Palate

Always prime your palate. I like to rinse my mouth out with gin and/or cheap whiskey. The gin really wakes up the palate by letting the alcohol give you an ABV pop while the flavor profile of gin is very broad and varied, which helps wake up your senses. I’ll also rinse my mouth out with a cheap but good whiskey (Wild Turkey 101 or Evan Williams or whatever you have on hand). This directs your senses toward the whiskey you’re about to taste. I sometimes do both if I’m feeling overly blank before a tasting just to really wake up the ol’ senses.

When I say “rinse,” I mean that I’m putting about one ounce of gin or whiskey in my mouth, sloshing it around for maybe 10-15 seconds, and then spitting it out. You’ll feel your senses waking up as you do this.

Naturally, the time of day is going to make a difference as well. I like doing my tastings early, before food and drink can affect my palate and mood. Post-lunch tastings are also good for me as I can reset my palate pretty easily after one small meal. I do plenty of tastings at the end of the day too, but those are much more about fun and being fast and loose with whoever is around. The point of this is to find your balance but remember that food, drink, and mood are all going to have an impact on what you smell and taste and how that pour makes you feel.

Dig In/Taste

Let’s bullet point this one out:

• Hold the glass up to a white background and look at the color. Try and be as specific as possible with what you see. Is it more amber or maple syrup? Is it a light straw or sparkling apple cider? Write down what you think it looks like.
• Give it a twirl and nose the glass. While nosing, make sure your mouth is slightly open, almost like you’re slack-jawed when you’re passed out asleep in a chair. Gently move your nose close to the glass until you sense a slight alcohol burn — you’re close enough. Now slowly inhale at the bottom, middle, and top of the glass and then the right and left sides (one breath for each). Each spot will carry a different set of smells from woody to spicy to fruity/sweet to bitter to savory. Write down what you’re smelling.
• Take a small sip, just enough to coat the inside of your mouth with a thin layer. Roll it around. Roll it back and forth. Spit. What do you taste? What do you feel? Write it down.
• Go back to the nose. Smell all those spots again. What do you smell now? How does it make you feel? Write it down.
• Take another sip. Roll it around. Write down flavor notes as they come to you while the whiskey is still in your mouth! There are plenty of “ah-ha!” moments in every glass. Spit.
• Now, take a moment, close your eyes, and reflect without the glass. Let the finish settle through your senses. Write down what you taste, smell, and feel.

You just tasted a whiskey like a pro.

Repeat

This is paramount to the experience. Go back and try things again. As I mentioned above, so many factors are in play when tasting whiskeys that it can affect what you’re smelling and tasting pretty drastically. I always re-taste whiskeys blind for our blind tastes on UPROXX because maybe my mood just didn’t vibe with some particular pour that day and it ended up last.

You need to be thorough. Some whiskeys just slap in the winter yet fall flat in summer. And that’s not because of the whiskey’s flavor profile, it’s because of how you’re feeling and where your palate is at that moment. Don’t dismiss something until you’ve tried it a few different times in unique circumstances.

Experiment

This last part is the fun part.

The first step to experimentation can happen immediately. Add a few drops of water to the whiskey while you’re tasting. Also, this is a great way to know if a taster or whiskey “pro” is full of shit. If anyone ever says that you aren’t supposed to “add water to whiskey,” they’re full of shit and flat-out wrong in every way.

Here’s an insider “secret” — All distillers/blenders proof their whiskey down to 20% (40 proof) with water when tasting whiskey for the bottling line. Yes, even for “cask strength” expressions. Some American distillers only go down to 30 or 40%, but that’s more the exception than the rule. The reason they do this is that whiskey is most pronounced flavor-wise at that proof point. That’s where you get the clearest expression of the whiskey on your nose and tongue.

You don’t need to worry about proofing your whiskey down that much. A few drops of (good) water is fine. This will allow the whiskey to “bloom” in the glass, a process whereby chemical compounds are softened and separate (a bit), releasing clearer flavor notes for your nose and mouth to capture.

Next, pour your whiskey over a rock or two. How does the temperature change affect the flavor and nose? How about in a cocktail? Try the whiskey in some of your favorite cocktails and highballs. Now, how does that whiskey taste/stand up to mixing? Have fun with it. Find the balance you like. And then write that shit down in your notebook so you don’t forget!

This past summer, DVSN shook the room more than they ever had. The duo kicked off the campaign toward their fourth album Working On My Karma with “If I Get Caught.” Over a sample of Jay-Z’s “Dead Presidents,” Daley sings that love can remain in a relationship even if he hypothetically gets caught cheating on his partner.

The direction shocked listeners, especially to those who’ve been beside the duo since their early days. With lines like, “You wouldn’t want me if you thought I never had h*es” and “Women like men other women like,” to start the record, the shock wasn’t surprising. Daley defended the song for many reasons, including that it’s a part of a narrative that will make sense once the album arrives. Still, the song was in numerous debates that interrupted a normally smooth campaign toward a DVSN album. It led me to ask Daley if he would pick another single to start the Working On My Karma rollout, if given the chance. “No, no, definitely not,” he replied during our Zoom call ahead of the album’s release. “It did what it was supposed to do.” While causing a ruckus wasn’t the main intention behind the song, Daley admits that they didn’t want to be pushed aside as releasing another ol’ record. “We were not trying to have the same thing of dropping a song that’s a great song, an amazing song, whatever it might be, and people being able to pass over it with a ‘yeah that’s dope.’”

True to his hopes, “If I Get Caught” didn’t get brushed aside by listeners. Additionally, the song does make sense within the narrative of Working On My Karma. What follows that record is “Stay Faithful,” a remorseful and pleading number that lays the regrets of infidelity on wax. Next, Jagged Edge arrives to provide vocals on “What’s Up,” a song that presents a bit of a double meaning depending on how the listener interprets it, which Daley confirms. In his words, the song can be viewed as the “downfall of the city boy” or “somebody trying and struggling with providing somebody else with what it is that they expect for themselves.” There is no right option between the two, but your selection does affect the listening experience to conclude the album as one love story ends and another begins. A perspective outside of your own is something DVSN aims to provide with Working On My Karma, and they sought to do so with blunt truths of the world that connect back to the album title. “It deals with a lot of brutal honesty,” Daley concludes about Working On My Karma. “Whether that’s looking at yourself with that lens, or looking outward at relationships with that lens, or the things that you’re hearing or dealing with in the world today.”

Contributions from music greats Jermaine Dupri and Bryan-Michael Cox on Working On My Karma helped DVSN plate something new in front of their fans. What started as an “impromptu meeting” between them, as Daley describes it, led to “a real friendship and understanding and connection and bond” by the end of a weekend of recording music. Together, the group joined forces to achieve a new goal: “press the reset button on the R&B game.” In looking at the state of R&B today, Daley concludes that the genre needs “somebody to come in and kind of lead the way,” a task that he believes DVSN is more than equipped to take on. “We know that to do that, [the music] had to progress and go back to its roots at the same time,” he notes. “You can’t just go straight back, and you can’t just go further and further away from what made it what it was.” In addition to Dupri and Cox’s contributions, the past comes alive on Working On My Karma through a guest appearance from Jagged Edge and DVSN’s natural connection to traditional R&B. The future sees life thanks to a feature from Bleu and DVSN’s focus on constantly progressing and evolving to stand out from the pack.

Looking at Working On My Karma, infidelity and the numerous consequences that can come from it play a foundation role throughout the album. To DVSN’s credit, they aren’t for social media-esque debates about whether cheating is a forgivable act or something alike. Rather, DVSN wants us to look in that mirror, recognize our faults, and correct them. “Trying to get it right at the end of the day,” he notes when asked about the meaning of the Working On My Karma title. “Trying to be better than you’ve been, you know? Because [you] realize that you can only get out of life when you put into it.” Daley has no issue admitting to a past far from the straight and narrow, and through his admissions in and outside of music, he hopes others can be as open as he is. “These are the real-life stages that we’re going through and that everyone is going through, so I’m narrating it,” he says. “Sometimes people don’t want to look in the mirror for a second, but this is what it is, this is what R&B is supposed to be. We’re supposed to narrate the love stories that we’re dealing with. This is where we are, we don’t like it, we should change the reality because the art is only imitating life at this point.”

This love story that DVSN provides for their fourth album ends in an ironic way. After explaining why he’s hard to love and why he struggles to love on “Daniel’s Interlude,” Daley sings about rediscovering love on “Get Even.” Moments removed from losing a woman due to his infidelity, we expect karma to leave him to suffer heartbreak. Instead, he falls for a woman that can’t fully love him as he loves her because, with Daley, she is stepping out on the main man in her life. “I just thought it was a dope way to be like don’t always think that things come back to you the way that you planned them to or expected them to,” he explains. “Me cheating on somebody maybe didn’t come back as I got cheated on, maybe it came back as I end up falling for somebody who was just like me.” That somebody is a person who is “not even fully available to me” leaving him to “sit here and play this position, who knows, temporarily? Or maybe this is it.” All in all, it’s a new perspective that DVSN provides to conclude the album, which highlights the price of righting your wrongs, or as DVSN calls it, working on your karma.

Looking back at all the concerns and questions that arrived ahead of Working On My Karma, Daley believes they were premature to say the least. “It’s like, c’mon you know us,” he says. “You don’t have to all of a sudden be like, ‘Oh, you guys are pushing this toxic narrative.’ It’s like no, if you know us, you know we’ve been making love songs, sex songs, wedding songs — every different kind of song about relationships and songs that deal with some brutal honesty at times. To me, this was no different.” However, what is different is what DVSN brings to the table for each project. During our conversation, Daley acknowledges fans repeated requests for a release similar to Sept. 5th, DVSN’s debut album that lives as a classic of sorts within their fanbase. While the love is appreciated, Daley knows that their debut “spoke to certain people and not others.” He adds, “I think we just have to realize that you’re never going to be able to completely do everything that everybody wants.” Daley also notes that recreating something from the past isn’t all that stimulating for their artistry. “For us to remake or go try to make something in the vibe of or in the lane of — especially when it comes to the Sept. 5th sound — it’s literally nothing to us,” Daley says. “That’s the easiest thing. We could go make a record that will sound like it could’ve been a part of that in a second. It’s second nature. It’s like saying telling Jay-Z, ‘Give me some hustler dope boy raps.’ It’s like, ‘Oh, okay.’”

At the end of the day, DVSN simply wants to continue to stand out and separate themselves from the pack, and Working On My Karma is their latest and most direct attempt at doing so. “I really want it to be a new marker of when R&B started to shift in this direction,” Daley says toward the end of our conversation. “I think we’re all kind of tired of having to be fed all the same things now.”

Working On My Karma is out now via OVO Sound/Warner Records. You can stream it here.

DVSN is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Annoyed about the time jumps in House of the Dragon? If George R.R. Martin had his way, there would have been even more.

In a video interview posted to Penguin Random House’s YouTube channel, the A Song of Ice and Fire author asked Pride of Carthage novelist David Anthony Durham if he was “troubled” by the time jumps and re-castings in season one. He gave a magnanimous answer, saying that he wouldn’t use the word “troubled” but he wishes “we could have spent more time with everything,” before Martin gave a behind-the-scenes perspective.

“One of the big issues with all of these writers was where to begin,” he said in the video posted above. “[House of the Dragon showrunner Ryan Condal] began in [episode 101] with the Great Council where the Lords vote that Jaehaerys’s heir — he’s just lost his son Baelon, who has died of appendicitis — so who is his heir now? And the lords vote to choose Viserys over Rhaenys.”

Martin wasn’t sure if he should have revealed this, but “that [beginning] was not handed down by some muse from ancient Greece. We — myself and the other writers — had a lot of spirited discussions about where to begin that story.” One writer wanted to begin with Viserys’ first wife Aemma dying, while another suggested kicking things off with Viserys’ death, which isn’t depicted on House of the Dragon until late in the season. Martin’s “favorite possibility” was to begin the show “much earlier.” He explained:

“I would have began it like 40 years earlier with the episode I would have called ‘The Heir and the Spare,’ in which Jaehaerys’s two sons, Aemon and Baelon, are alive. And we see the friendship, but also the rivalry, between the two sides of the great house. You know, Aemon dies accidentally when a Myrish crossbowman shoots him by accident on Tarth and then Jaehaerys has to decide who becomes the new heir. Is it the daughter of the older son who’s just died or is it the second son, who has sons of his own and is a man and she’s just a teenage girl?”

But then, Martin admitted, “you would have had 40 more years and you would have had even more time jumps and you would have even more re-castings and, yeah, I was the only one who was really enthused about that.”

The Winds of Winter is going to be 3,500 pages long, isn’t it?

(Via Decider)

Freddie Gibbs has an album of the year contender in Soul Sold Separately and today, he’s extended the project with a new bonus edition which features five tracks not on the original. In addition to the solo track “Big Boss Rabbit,” the new tracks include features from Big Sean, Hit-Boy, Jadakiss, Rick Ross (on the previously released “Ice Cream“), and Schoolboy Q.

As he prepared to drop Soul Sold Separately, Gibbs released the singles “Too Much” featuring Moneybagg Yo and “Dark Hearted,” while detailing how he ended his previous beef with Jeezy. However, while one beef ended, another cropped up to take its place. In the months leading up to Gibbs announcing his album, he and Benny The Butcher exchanged words (and came to blows) after nixing their rumored joint album.

In Uproxx’s latest cover story, Gibbs didn’t want to to talk about the tiff, but he did make a subtle reference to it. “I can take the jokes,” he said. “That’s the point. If you can dish it out, you got to be able to take it. That’s why when one of those rappers try to come and be crazy, I just burn their ass with jokes and they be looking stupid and then they get mad because they be getting laughed at. I ain’t even got to do all the, ‘I’ll f*ck your baby mama,’ and all that old gangster sh*t. I don’t got to do none of that, man, I’ll just make you look silly. I’m a comedian at the end of the day.”

You can get the bonus edition of Soul Sold Separately here.

The tension between Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis is continuing to heat up. Despite the former president’s escalating legal problems, the two men are still on track to compete for the top of the Republican ticket going into the 2024 primaries. While that kind of intra-party fight is generally reserved for after the midterm elections, Trump is reportedly making a move just two days before DeSantis faces off against Charlie Christ in Florida’s governor race.

On November 6, Trump will hold a massive rally in Florida for Senator Marco Rubio. However, DeSantis is noticeably not on the guest list, and his team is reportedly reeling that Trump’s rally will take attention away from the Florida governor. Via Politico:

“You’ve got the Sunday before Election Day totally hijacked by Trump parachuting in on Trump Force One taking up the whole day,” said a longtime Republican consultant who is close to the governor. “No Republican could go to a DeSantis event that day. None. And DeSantis won’t be here? This is big.”

Another person who is influential in DeSantis’ world said it was “an elbow to Ron’s throat” and blamed Trump advisers.

When reached for comment, a spokesman for Trump’s campaign denied any conflict between the former president and DeSantis.

“This is an event President Trump is holding as part of a series of stops he is making for Republican Senate candidates,” the Trump adviser told Politico. “It came after he and Senator Rubio spoke directly.”

Of course, that statement flies in the face of reports that Trump has been privately critical of DeSantis and feels slighted that he doesn’t get enough credit for helping him win Florida’s gubernatorial race in 2018. The former president has reportedly referred to DeSantis as “fat,” “phony,” and “whiny,” which feels like a real “pot calling the kettle black” situation to be honest.

(Via Politico)

Before there was cookie dough ice cream (which is to say, back in the 90s), you used to just scarf down as much cookie dough as you could, cut straight from the salami-shaped package before mom got wise. Building on that collective sense memory, cookie dough became a trendy ice cream flavor (apparently originating with Ben & Jerry’s, which makes sense).

Long story short, cookie dough ice cream is way past a fad these days. Now it’s ubiquitous – you can’t go to an ice cream shop or freezer section without encountering some variety of hard-ish frozen globules of chocolate chip and doughy delight mixed into your ice cream.

The ubiquity of this flavor means the work I’m doing here today offers a vital service to our frozen treat-crazed society, which surely cannot navigate the cookie dough ice cream-ridden aisles of the most remote convenience stores and markets without a heaping dose of sage wisdom from a self-proclaimed snack expert. You’re welcome.

A Note On Methodology:

For this blind taste test, a scoop of each ice cream was tasted blindfolded. Knee-jerk reactions were recorded via voice recorder on antiquated technology purchased off eBay.

Part One: The Tasting

Taste 1:

First taste is a little cinnamon or gingerbready on the cookie dough. Ice cream is a little artificial tasting. It’s creamy, has a good texture, good mouth feel, just a little off-putting on the aftertaste.

It is a little artificial vanilla-y — just not great.

Taste 2:

Really smooth, cold, and creamy. Not really getting any cookie dough, but good flavor. Nothing off-putting, reminds me a little bit of froyo. Really cold, really icy a little bit but yeah creamy good.

No chunks though, none at all.

Taste 3:

Really cookie crumbly delicious. Vanilla delicious. Yeah, this one’s really good…and tasty.

Taste 4:

This one has little formed chunks of cookie, last was crumbly. This one’s a little artificial with the cookie dough flavor. Ice cream is fine, tastes pretty standard. Not great quality, but decent.

There’s a chocolate chip cookie flake that’s not too high-quality chocolate but still good.

Taste 5:

Cookie has almost a sourdough-like flavor. Really good cookie with a really deep finish on the cookie too. Ice cream is super creamy… yeah this is really good. Has a caramel taste even.

Taste 6:

Got the chocolatey flake of the chip, ice cream is decent. Cookie dough is again in the globule format, which is fine. I like the more crumbly cookie dough better, but this is solid.

Taste 7:

This is another globule version of the cookie dough ice cream, which is getting to be all too familiar. Decent though, this one doesn’t have anything off-putting. Pretty straightforward cookie dough, chocolate… uhh little chocolate doodads, what are they called? Yeah, these are good.

I mean this is like a store brand, you can tell, nothing too fancy. Pretty low-quality ingredients in general.

Taste 8:

Not really feeling too hot. The taste isn’t that bad. Has a little sour milk flavor to it almost, like buttermilk. Cookie dough is not bad, chocolate chip is not bad, just don’t love the overall flavor of the ice cream, it’s a little off-putting.

Taste 9:

Pretty straightforward, the ice cream is not sour like the last one, but something is different and missing about it.

Taste 10:

#10 has cookie dough the way I like it, where it’s really spread out. Pretty decent, yeah this is a pretty good one.

Taste 11:

This one’s got a caramelly outside. Cookie dough is good, it’s a globule a little bit, but higher quality. Ice cream is nice and creamy. Has a nice caramel-ness to it.

Taste 12:

Another globule situation got me wanting a little bit more. This is good, yeah. Nice and creamy, a little bit on the lighter side but still really good.

Taste 13:

That one, didn’t love the ice cream. Tastes light or has something different about it, don’t love it. Choco is alright, actually seems like a higher quality choco than some of those grocery store-tasting ones or low-quality ingredient ones.

Overall not awful but didn’t love the ice cream part.

Taste 14:

This is really good. Good cookie, it’s very crumbly cookie, a big chunk. Chocolate is a weird kind of coconut flake-style chocolate. Has a pudding-ish aftertaste. The cookie was really good.

Taste 15:

This one has definitely a weird taste to it. Chocolate’s pretty good. It’s the ice cream itself, the base, that has the taste shenanigans. It’s creamy, it’s just weird tasting — a little bit odd, though I’m struggling to articulate why.

Taste 16:

This one had a very chocolatey, Hershey’s-ish flavor on the back end. The chocolate flake in there is solid. Solid as far as texture. It’s crunchy, and a little thick.

Good chew to it, not bad.

Taste 17:

This one tastes like birthday cake. Definitely a lighter ice cream base. Chocolate’s good.

Taste 18:

Big-time globule situation. Pretty artificial tasting overall. On every element. Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to be able to finish this one. Not my fave.

Taste 19:

This one has a weird flavor. Don’t like this one too much. It’s like smoked or almost savory? Not sure if it’s a really deep caramel beyond my flavor palate, my simple, mundane palate.

Taste 20:

That’s a big-time cookie dough ribbon. Ice cream kind of felt like an afterthought, there’s so much cookie. Ice cream’s fine. Yeah, it’s alright, not the top of the heap.

Taste 21:

Ice cream itself was standard but good. Cookie – non-controversial, good. Chocolate, fine. Yeah, a decent one.

Taste 22:

This does not taste like cookie dough to me. This has a ribbon of chocolate, ooey gooey. It’s very chocolatey, more chocolate-forward. There’s something almost sandy, minerally in there. I don’t know what it is. Brown butter, or brown sugar.

Didn’t really feel like a classic cookie dough, not my #1.

Taste 23:

My phone is covered in ice cream, I’m getting sticky. My hands are sticky. Let’s wrap it up here. This one, the ice cream is good, cookie has an interesting aftertaste. Not bad, but just a little bit different. Can’t really pick up what that flavor is. Almost like a meringue aftertaste. It was decent overall.

Not one of the tops, not one of the bottoms. Right in the middle.

The Ranking

23. Nada Moo – Taste 18

Nada Moo claims to be the “original coconut milk frozen dessert,” so we are clear immediately on what is about to happen. The taste of Nada Moo’s base reminds me of vanilla icing, the chocolate chips are perfectly chippy and the cookie dough is little niblets throughout the base. It’s not fully the taste of ice cream, but Nada Moo does the trick with its creaminess, texture, chocolate factor and the light dough quotient.

Nada Moo’s packaging is both old-timey and illustration-based, some little cookies, a couple choco chunks and some very basic but clean font and design work. Nada Moo wins the award for most interesting ingredient with its inclusion of agave syrup. Nada Moo also wins the awards for most badges on a pint with a record six, including a cheeky but giggly one that says “Keep Frozen, Unless You Enjoy Dessert Soup” – such an Easter egg for the thorough packaging inspector!

Bottom Line:

Nada Moo probably isn’t going to replace your dairy dessert any time soon, unless you need or want an alternative. While it has all of the elements to make a great ice cream, it’s simply a different product.

22. Edy’s – Taste 20

It’s comical that Edy’s lid on their 1.5 quart cylinder says to “dig in” because you could only actually eat out of their container with a plastic sand toy or garden shovel. Garden or beach, Edy’s makes a chocolate chip cookie dough that can satisfy in many different locales. The light vanilla is smooth and sweet, but not super flavorful. The chocolate flake is a darker variety but still has a full sweet note, while the cookie dough spheres measure up to most of the competition with their chewy soft texture and solid flavor.

Classic Edy’s packaging with the tan, cream, and brown motif. Flying cookie dough bites and chocolate shards decorate the lid. There’s a hero single scoop cone shot on the actual pint – with highlighted text noting this is actually light ice cream, so there’s naturally less fat and calories from the full-bodied version. But this is Edy’s Slow Churned and the powers that be want to be clear that this is a “reimagined way to delight your whole family.”

Bottom Line:

Edy’s certainly isn’t the best but, especially for a “healthier” alternative, it isn’t terrible either.

21. Aldi – Taste 15

“Sundae Shoppe” is one of those generically-named sub-brands from Swedish market behemoth Aldi, specifically their ice cream line. Say what you will about Aldi and its kooky ways and minimalist merchandising, and basically ripping off major brands with a lot of their products, their cookie dough ice cream is a solid rendition that will surely satisfy their cult-like faithful and newbs alike. The ice cream is a classic vanilla base, chunks of chocolate, dough bits — you know the recipe, and Sundae Shoppe executes in more than mediocre fashion.

They want you to know there’s no high fructose corn syrup and they put a small badge on the carton, just to share that nugget. There is also a description stating that the ice cream contains “chocolaty chunks and chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough,” also known as double chunk funk in many circles. Just a heads up Aldi, “chocolaty” is not a word. Ask Alexa. And I look forward to seeing the revised tubs in the markets in the near future. Doing the work for the people.

There’s no secret about the artificial flavors added here, it says it on the packaging in 16-point font, which must be a requirement from legal because no company wants legalese to be that big. Oh yeah, there is a lovely glamour shot of the ice cream sidled by chocolate bars and cookie bits set against a purple atmospheric backdrop.

Bottom Line:

I’m down to go to the Sundae Shoppe any time. But still not fully sold on Aldi.

20. Brave Robot – Taste 14

The name Brave Robot alone invites questioning — who is this robot and what makes him brave? What do they have to do with my non-dairy frozen dessert sampling?

Whatever OS Brave Robot is running on, it is purring pretty smoothly. Their non-dairy product does not really skip a beat as far as hitting a nice vanilla note and being smooth and creamy. The chocolate flake is more of a dark chocolate which stands up nicely to how sweet the vanilla is, which is a little bit one-note sweet (as vanilla can be). The cookie dough bites are as good as anyone’s.

The top has a bright attention-getting pink “lactose free” lid. The top itself has a “window” into the product inside, which apparently makes me a “climate hero” to enjoy, as if trying a new frozen treat wasn’t a sufficient reward here. “Sustainable Forest Initiative” stamp spied for the first time and catalogued mentally. Berkeley hq address noted.

Bottom Line:

Despite its wonky name and lack of explanation, we’ll trust that we are saving the planet by eating Brave Robot just because the pint says so. And regardless if we are, or are not, Brave Robot’s non-dairy alternative to chocolate chip cookie dough is an excellent play for anyone not eating dairy or anyone else just looking to try new things.

19. Enlightened – Taste 17

Enlightened is a brand spotted in every Whole Foods and natural foods store in the past five or more years now that I never had a reason to try before now. The honorable and stomach-compromising quest to blind taste test and rank 23 brands of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has led to the first sampling of Enlightened and it’s really very good. There are two cookies at play here, which is a little unfair to stack against the others with just the singular cookie dough, but the sandwich cookies are not an unwelcome addition. The blue color is fun but sans purpose, the base is creamy icey vanilla and all together it is a lighter but tasty alternative to other choco cookie dough options.

The light blue package wallpapered with animations of cookies both oreo-esque and cookie chip, signify this may not be just one type of cookie, cookie dough. Also the blue coloring serves as a preview for the blue ice cream, which also has 75% less sugar than regular ice cream. It’s not 75% less delicious.

Bottom Line:

When you have the ice cream blues and need something lighter to choose, Enlightened’s Kookie Dough can get you through.

18 . Alden’s – Taste 22

Alden’s is an organic ice cream brand from Oregon whose cookie dough fudge flavor has been nicknamed “Dough Yeah.” And it’s true, fudge is heavily featured in this pint, as is cookie dough. Big swatches of cookie dough and gooey fudgy swirls. The ice cream base is good too, a full-bodied vanilla that is also creamy, but the fudge and cookie dough really steal the spotlight here.

The lid says “Dough Better” and tries to get cute with some phrasing there. The design is plain and simple maroon with yellow accents with a scoop of ice cream depicted. Double stamp for non-GMO and USDA Organic, plus a litany of crap they don’t put in their ice cream but competitors do. The crunchy folks at Alden’s also want you to know “We believe in doing life together,” which is not a t-shirt slogan I’ve seen before, nor am I sure if that’s grammatically correct.

Bottom Line:

Alden’s flip on cookie dough is not the typical, fudge and cookie dough heavy rigamarole, although this still makes for a great ice cream, it is too different to take one of the highest spots against some of the more traditional takes.

17. McConnell’s – Taste 8

McConnell’s is a Cali ice cream brand based in the beach side utopia known as Santa Barbara. And their concept here is different, but not sure it fully converts in a great way. “Sea Salt Cream & Cookies” is off because although the sea salt is a fun take on the typical vanilla base, the saltiness favors those who fancy a savory aftertaste from their sweet treats. The cookie dough may be one of the best in the entire mix. The described chunks come in various sizes, all crumbly, and tiny fudgy gobs dot the sea salt cream base.

McConnell’s packaging has that classic ice cream shoppe feel, with their simple design and no flavor specific imagery or info besides the flavor written on the pint and the slight description which notes a drool-inducing “Guttard chocolate chunk cookie.” Interestingly as well, despite claiming Santa Barbara, their HQ is in the less sexy town of Oxnard, perhaps known more for being the home of the beat konducta himself, Madlib. A McConnell’s x Madlib flavor collab needs to happen. In any case, with over 70 years in the cream game, you have to respect what McConnell’s is doing regardless of how they fare in the cookie dough gauntlet.

Bottom Line:

McConnell’s makes a bold entry into the chocolate chip cookie dough category and succeeds… mostly. Although the sea salt base is not a fave, the flavor still delivers on the cookie dough promise and creates something that probably does not exist elsewhere. So although not at the top of the list, McConnell’s “Sea Salt Cream & Cookies” is still recommended.

16. Breyer’s – Taste 13

Breyer’s was always in the freezer as a kid because there were only five brands as is and Haagen Daz only came in pints at the time. Plus Breyer’s was cheaper and still solid. Not much has changed in 2022. Breyer’s still has the classic script logo with the green leaf, which probably will never change. Hate all you want, Breyer’s still makes a totally edible product. The fluffy vanilla base still retains a guiltless creaminess, the chocolate flakes are chocolatey and dough balls are what you’d expect from any respectable cookie dough ice cream.

A Unilever product today, the tub shows the brand has been churning since the mid 1800s. Not only that but they’re using ingredients from natural sources these days. They even have a rainforest alliance stamp, are abiding by kashrut (they got the official K stamp) for their “frozen dairy dessert.” Is it still ice cream?

Bottom Line:

Breyer’s is still not a bad move in today’s congested freezer case.

15. Planet Oat – Taste 9

This oat stuff is really pretty good. It’s not milk ice cream but it’s still creamy and hits all the notes. Planet Oat has possibly the best chocolate product in any brand tasted and some generous hunks of it too boot. The cookie dough is standard nugget style. The base itself is almost more cream than vanilla in its aftertaste, but doesn’t detract from the overall triumph here.

The pint design has an autumnal feel, incorporating multiple shades of falling leaf color and accented in orange on the lid. There is also the requisite scoop of ice cream portraiture, but interestingly this scoop not only sits in metal cup, but also has a metal cup sitting on top of the scoop, similar to a kippah (and yet there is no kosher stamp on this ice cream, fully nixing any potential connection to be made).

Bottom Line:

Planet Oat’s self-proclaimed “cookiepalooza” is sure to please oat-loving farm animals and hipsters alike, and anyone else looking for an alternative to a lactose version of this classic flavor.

14. Cool Haus – Taste 7

Cool Haus may be a little too cool to haus. Though easy to eat and overall very good, Cool Haus is in the middle of the pack because of its base, and nothing more. Instead of the traditional flake, they use mini choco chips. And instead of chocolate chip cookie dough, they flout convention by using plain cookie dough, presumably because there’s already chips in the ice cream. Nothing wrong with these slight tweaks, but the vanilla base has a hint of sourness, which gives it a tinge of yogurtyness, or taste of buttermilk. Neither of which is better than traditional vanilla for a chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, by any sober objective standards.

Give it up to Cool Haus on their design; the silver, white and pink colorway juxtaposes nicely with the drippiness of the graphics. Typical LA overachievers, Cool Haus pint bears six stamps of flair. Highlights include a pink W for being Women Founded & Led, an unwrapped chocolate bar for equal partner & organic chocolate and an animated cow depiction to demonstrate the lack of bovine growth hormones. Pretty soon ice cream pints are going to start looking like Nascar outfits. Oh, and they want you to lick the spoon (are there people that don’t do that?).

Bottom Line:

Cool Haus makes a solid foray into cookie dough territory with their unique spin.

13. Talenti – Taste 2

It’s hard to judge Talenti against the rest when it’s a gelato, not ice cream. But then there are also plenty of non-dairy competitors, so where do you draw the line? Maybe you don’t and you just do your best not to draw any lines at all. Talenti’s version of chocolate chip cookie dough has a fudge swirl instead of chunks, flakes or shards, and it’s a welcome departure and finish on the palate. The cookie dough is standard mini balls and the gelato itself is light, airy, and icey with a sweet richness.

Talenti’s packaging is a bit of a cop out. Transparent works for their mix-ins line, where seven layer dip-esque, toppings-heavy creations resemble a science project slash ant farm. For a flavor like chocolate chip cookie dough, the visual reveal is lot less compelling. Then you realize Unilever is behind the brand (it’s on the pint) and you understand why Talenti is all about simplicity.

Bottom Line:

Measuring Talenti against the rest is easy because despite it being gelato, the cookie dough remains a constant and Talenti’s fudge swirl is a fun twist, making Talenti a worthy pickup when you have that cookie dough jones.

12. Nick’s – Taste 1

If you’ve never had Swedish ice cream before, you’re not alone. Well not until now, because after sampling Nick’s, it seems like an acquired taste. The initial flavor of the base is a bit unusual because it has such a vanilla pudding-forward flavor to it. The cookie dough is ball style like most others, but the chocolate is a chocolate syrupy tasting streak through the ice cream. It all oddly balances out, making you go back for more, even though it may really just be the novelty of something so different.

Nick’s simplistic pint design is fun and quirky i- an upside down I in the brand name, animated topping sludge and Swedish cookies on the package. Color me curious. There is a short anecdote about Swedish cookies that culminates with a jab at all of us who do not have Swedish momma’s in our life and didn’t have the pastoral joy of churning our own butter as a wee lad, as if my self esteem wasn’t already low enough after eating 23 brands of cookie dough ice cream in one sitting. Shame on you Nick’s from El Segundo, CA making Swedish Ice Cream in LA and making us feel bad about ourselves.

Bottom Line:

Nick’s is not your Grandma’s ice cream, unless you grew up in Sweden. Then it’s literally hers. For the rest of us Nick’s is an interesting and tasty alternative to the average chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Nick’s checks off the list of key elements to create a slightly new cookie dough experience.

11. Wegman’s Regular – Taste 23

Wegman’s again? Yep two spots on the list is sort of unfair, but it was interesting to see how Wegman’s would stack up against itself. Certainly the Regular ice cream is more mid than the Premium, but it’s still pretty dern good. The chocolate is chips this time, and the cookie doodads may be the best in this sampling, offering a decadent finish on the palate. No surprise with Wegman’s being the cookie kings and all. The vanilla ice cream base itself is the biggest minus here, with a very slightly off-putting aftertaste that doesn’t really take away from the overall enjoyment, but is more noticeable when tasted without the other components.

Wegman’s regular ice cream comes in tub format and the design is plain blue with greatly enlarged pictures of cookie dough ice cream (there is a legal disclaimer that makes sure you know) and suggestive text like “delectable” and “let’s dig in.” Jeez, Wegman’s can sure be pushy. Since the Wegman’s Family “only offers products they love” according to their tub verbiage, its curious they make two versions of chocolate cookie dough ice cream. But, maybe there is enough love in the Wegman’s Family to unconditionally support two types of the same flavor (*eyebrow raise*).

Bottom Line:

Wegman’s Regular doesn’t stack up to its Premium cousin, but it’s still a solid market grab if you’re more into the economy-sized ice cream offerings.

10. Häagen Dazs – Taste 4

Standard classic traditional delicious Häagen Dazs — there’s not a whole lot to say because these are the pros. Coffee Haagen Dazs is my day one number one, so the texture and taste of the vanilla base here is nostalgic, even though it’s not coffee. Who hasn’t had Häagen Dazs classic vanilla? The cookie dough gobs and chocolate flake here satisfy both elements tastefully and tastily. There is no misstep or halfstep, and Häagen Dazs seems to backup its claim of increased dough dotting the vanilla – it’s everywhere!

Häagen Dazs packaging is classic: logo slap, ingredient portraiture, light abstract art. There is an announcement about more cookie dough (20% the lid says) and chocolate chips than ever, which will no one will protest about at Dreyer’s Oakland HQ in any version of the future. And in case you need to QR Code everything in your path, there is one on the top of the lid AND next to the ingredients.

Bottom Line:

When you need a friend that has 20% extra cookie dough than in the past and was already great before that, Häagen Dazs is there. We all need a friend like that from time to time.

9. Wegman’s Premium – Taste 16

Wegman’s Premium ice cream line bears the promise of simply being better than the regular version they sell. Does the purveyor deliver on this promise?

The chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream you get is pretty on par and slightly premo – the high quality ice cream base has a richness that warrants pudding comparisons, the chocolate pieces are creamy, and the cookie dough bits have a nice brown butteryness to them.

Wegman Premium packaging is a little more fun than Wegman’s Regular, bearing a funky font and chocolate flakes suspended in the ether – this is how Wegman’s celebrates “Food You Should Feel Good About,” though “good” is rarely the adjective used after eating a large serving of ice cream. Otherwise, it’s of note that there’s 16% butterfat in this indulgence, which is apparently a higher percentage than humans are used to. There is no stamp here, but there is a note about a “bioengineered food product ingredient,” and nothing further, which seems a little suspicious.

Bottom Line:

A sum of its premium parts, Wegman’s hits all the right notes with its higher-tier chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream product.

8. Salt & Straw – Taste 19

Salt &Straw is one of those exciting ice cream companies pushing the boundaries of ingredients and flavors, directly from the culinary hipster haven of Portland, Oregon. And innovation is definitely in motion here as instead of the standard chocolate flake/shard iteration most cookie dough ice creams opt for, here we have fudgy chocolatey splotches throughout the base (which is smooth and rich vanilla) as well as dough in similar splotch-like fashion. The splotches are a nice texture and it all works, coalescing into a viable competitor in the crowded chocolate cookie dough pantheon.

The packaging for Salt & Straw pints is old-fashioned in its color and design simplicity. Salt & Straw twirls their moustache at other brands with their silly scoop photos, their PR-written origin stories, their boasts and badges of superiority. The only thing cookie dough-centric about their entire pint is the script written onto every Salt & Straw — this time specifying Salted, Malted Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough plainly.

Bottom Line:

This may not be your Uncle’s cookie dough, but it is your cousin’s who started growing their own plants during the pandemic in a shipping container in the industrial part of town. And there’s nothing wrong if you like it too.

7. Friendly’s – Taste 21

From lunch and fish-a-majigs at the mall with grandparents as a kid, to high school late nights annoying the waitstaff (there was definitely a dine-n-dash moment, if you must know) to family time spent with sundaes and coloring books, Friendly’s has always been in the mix. But their supermarket product always seemed a bit “lesser than,” maybe because it’s not as fresh as the brick and mortar. Maybe because it needs a minute to temper before it de-ices and reaches its creamy peak. Regardless, this previous perception was immediately debunked and nullified by the chocolate chip cookie dough variety of Friendly’s, which has great pieces of chocolate flake and perfect size cookie dough balls amidst the sea of creamy vanilla ice cream.

One of Friendly’s biggest brags is their tenure, originating in 1935, and it doesn’t seem like their red motif and retro logo have changed since those days. Not that anyone needs more than a basic design and a photo of a bowl of cookie dough ice cream, showing what it looks like when you’re three scoops into your munchie spiral. Don’t act like you haven’t been there. The gallon packaging also chronicles the wholesome Blake family story (they started Friendly’s as a sort of ice cream “Cheers” for families) in paragraph format and a small esoteric stamp that’s only text is “bioengineered.” Oh good.

Bottom Line:

Despite the gallon size, there is nothing lacking in Friendly’s very good version of cookie dough ice cream.

6. Ample Hills – Taste 6

Ample Hills entry into the chocolate chip cookie dough category is a bit of a cheat in its proximity to the top here. Not only does Ample Hills integrate a ribbon of cookie dough into the vanilla base, it also has actual baked cookies in the ice cream — hence the cutesy name “baked/unbaked,” which has nothing to do with cannibanoids, thankfully. It’s a hipstery and highbrow concept, but the execution works.

Can it really be considered a competitor in the rich cookie dough category despite it’s non-traditional composition? Who cares? If there’s cookie dough in the ice cream, we’re counting it!

The packaging is cheerfully animated with assorted animal characters and beloved items such as a dart board, record player and Rubik’s cube – clearly Ample Hills know how to set the mood for their treats. It also lists Ample Hills HQ’s address, which is aptly listed as being on Beard Street in Brooklyn.

Bottom Line:

Ample Hills has created a chocolate chip cookie dough that is way more than sufficient. It’s actually exemplary, of what chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream can be with a little extra fun.

5. Stop N Shop – Taste 3

“He really has a lot of chutzpah” they may say about it, for putting a grocery store brand land in the top five. “They use artificial flavors.” Yeah, it’s true, but it’s not cloyingly obvious and doesn’t diminish from the overall tastiness of this frozen delight. The cream is creamy, the vanilla does its thing, and the chocolate flake and cookie doughs are textbook. Blind taste don’t lie.

Packaging is no frills, a grey wooden panel in the back to give you that ole retro cabin feel for no real reason. It’s distributed by Foodhold USA LLC, and if you can’t take comfort from that, they use “FSC Mix packaging” and have a good ole stamp to show for their troubles. Supermarket simplicity at its finest.

Bottom Line:

Better than the brands you had in your market growing up (unless, of course, you did grow up with Stop N Shop), Stop N Shop is doing its customers right with their quality yet economical cookie dough ice cream offering.

4. Tillamook – Taste 6

The ‘Mook is a special place that will live fondly in my dairy-loving heart for a long time. Full disclosure, I took a trip there and spent some time with some of the fine folks in their R&D division. This had no bearing on their ranking (I was blindfolded, after all) — their chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is just that good. Some of the creamiest ice cream sampled, possibly the creamiest (the packaging does say “really creamy,” so warning taken), replete with chocolate flake in proportion, as well as chocolate chip cookie dough globules abounding.

The packaging tells you immediately that Tillamook is doing it right – cage-free eggs, cows not given growth hormones, farmer-owned, more cream than their savvy competitors, B-corp stamp; the list goes on. The design features their signature clean blue motif with a portrait of the cookie dough by itself, as well as on a baking spoon, both primed for consumption.

Bottom Line:

Tillamook is creamier than your boutique pint-only ice cream brand (maybe the more compact and tightly packed size makes the product a harder texture) and softer than all of the big boy gallon-selling brands. Every other element meets the textbook standard, culminating in Oregon’s finest being one of our top five picks.

3. Turkey Hill – Taste 11

Ice cream brands can’t compete with the airy creaminess that Turkey Hill creates with their “premium” line. Full disclosure, I can’t count how many gallons of their Chocolate Marshmallow flavor have been polished off on a late night stomachache-inducing ice cream bender (not the whole gallon in one sitting though).

Their cookie dough variety is no less of a godsend for the family and gallon o’ scream-buying set – deliciously creamy yet somehow cloud-like vanilla ice cream, crumbly patches of cookie dough and little pieces of chocolate in consistent proportion. Turkey Hill’s packaging touts their “farm fresh milk and cream,” along with a delightful farmscape appointed with a barn and silos and a large cone of the good stuff, double scooped and ready.

Bottom Line:

It’s no mistake that Turkey Hill is close to the top here. They don’t cut any corners in delivering a premium product. I’m still bummed that a TH creamery visit was cut from the itinerary on a recent family trip to the land of buttery pastries and Amish delights in Pennsylvania.

2. Ben & Jerry’s – Taste 10

Celebrated as the originators of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, you have to give it up to the guys who now have their own Nike Dunk, but probably are only marginally involved in the day to day of the Vermont hippie-branded ice cream behemoth. Whoever at B&J thought of putting cookie dough in ice cream was clearly a genius (looking at you, anonymous mailroom worker). Their version has large chunks (almost streaks) of chocolate chip cookie dough and the rich chocolate flake element that almost every cookie dough ice cream has these days – and Ben & Jerry’s is still better than almost every one. Oh yeah, the vanilla base is super creamy.

B&J’s pint spells out a major flex, inventing the cookie dough flavor in 1984 along with a URL where you can check more in-depth company and product info — and lest we forget, the highly-sought after Fairtrade stamp right on the lid. The package is enrobed in Ben & Jerry’s signature whimsical cloudy skyscape, part trippy gigantic ice cream mounds chillin’ on a hillside, part child-friendly barnyard illustration.

Bottom Line:

When you’re the original, convention is almost offensive.

1. Graeter’s – Taste 12

Graeter’s has been a favorite since its introduction. Their chocolate is tippy top notch. They make ice cream in single pots. One. At. A. Time. They make seasonal flavors like Peach in the summer, which has ridiculously large juicy frozen peach chunks in a light, but rich and creamy peach base.

Oh this is about cookie dough ice cream? Their cookie dough may be the best had in a container, ever. The base is perfection, creamy and dreamy. The cookie dough-and-chocolate-to-base ratio is the best out there — it’s almost 1:1, ensuring every bite is incendiary.

Graeter’s packaging follows the template of the greater Graeter’s line (sorry, had to — big logo slap, big ups to the company being around forever, French Pot in the house, vivid portrait of the tasty main ingredients, and history lesson about the brand slow-making their special product 2.5 gallons at a time, for five generations in Cincinnati, for more than the last 150 years.

Bottom Line:

A taste of Graeter’s chocolate chip cookie dough involves eyes-closing bliss moment and subsequent servings to alleviate potential future cravings. Yeah, it’s problem.

Manuel Turizo joins forces with Argentine singer María Becerra in his “Éxtasis” music video that was released today (October 28). Both Latin pop stars on the rise soundtrack a childhood romance in the heartwarming video.

2022 has become Turizo’s breakthrough year. Last month, the Colombian singer entered the top 10 of Spotify’s Global 50 chart with his hit “La Bachata.” The song has racked over 404 million streams on Spotify. Turizo was also recently invited by Coldplay to perform “La Bachata” during the band’s concert in Bogotá, Colombia.

Turizo is following up “La Bachata” with his new single “Éxtasis.” He teamed up with Becerra, who has become the Argentina’s most-streamed female artist on Spotify. The song blends influences of Afrobeats with a kick of reggaeton music. Turizo and Becerra trade verses about a romance that feels like pure ecstasy.

“I feel very happy to see what I am achieving with my music,” Turizo said in a statement. “This is a very beautiful song full of love like everything I do for my fans, and I hope to continue surprising them with more songs and more of what I love to do, which is music.”

The “Éxtasis” video was directed by FilmByDave. Two children, who look like younger versions of Turizo and Becerra, fall in love. Meanwhile, the current-day versions of the singers share cozy moments as they sing the track together.

Turizo’s upcoming album 2000 will be released in January. Becerra will also be dropping her LP La Nena De Argentina very soon.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – I have been thinking about this a lot

If I had a dragon I bet no one would mess with me. Like, if I was at the grocery store and someone tried to cut in front of me in the express lane with way more than 10 items, I would be all nice about it but then I imagine one of the other customers would whisper in that person’s ear to tell them the guy they just cut off has a dragon in the parking lot and they’d get white in the face and apologize and take their full cart to another lane. I would play it cool, too. I would be all “oh, no, it’s fine, I’m not in a big rush,” but they would already be on their way to a longer line. I would get done with my errands so much faster.

I would probably name my dragon something cool, like Rex or Dina or Detective Randy Pasadena. It would depend if I had a girl dragon or boy dragon, I guess. I could always give it a unisex name like Razortooth or Scorcher. But that’s not as fun. I couldn’t really get honest feedback either, I bet, because of the first thing I mentioned about no one messing with me. People would probably just claim to like whatever name I picked because they would be afraid of getting torched with my dragon’s fire breath. I wouldn’t do it, of course, probably, but this is a problem I would encounter a lot, I imagine.

I would probably still be pretty lazy if I had a dragon. My friends would be like “Hey dude, can you give me a ride to the beach on your dragon? Traffic is really bad and the GPS says it’ll take like five hours in the car but if you can fly me over there quick I bet the whole round trip will be 45 minutes” and then I would pout and whine like a little snot for a while and they would get frustrated and be like “Fine, I’ll just drive if it’s such a big deal.” I would do it eventually, probably, because I’m a decent friend most of the time, but not before everyone got really annoyed with me about it all.

I bet it would get really expensive to have a dragon. The food alone would be a killer, especially if I don’t want my dragon running around killing goats and cows on nearby farms, which I definitely do not want, in part because it’s wrong and in part because I don’t want to get dragged into a bunch of town hall meetings about it. (“I am doing the best I can!” I would shout through tears as the mayor shakes her head at me with disapproval.) I would probably feed it meat from the grocery store, which would run me hundreds if not thousands of dollars every week. It would bankrupt me unless I can find some other dragon-based way to supplement my income, like maybe giving out rides like an Uber driver or charging admission for shows where me and my dragon do cool tricks. But that would take up a lot of the time I would have allocated for doing fun dragon stuff. This would be annoying, I suspect

I bet parking would be a pain in the neck if I had a dragon. I live in an apartment building now. I have an assigned spot where I park my car. I do not think a dragon would fit in that spot. So, first of all, I would have to pay for extra spots to give him room to chill while I’m working, which is another added cost, and I would also have to deal with the cleanup when my dragon uses the bathroom in the parking lot. You ever have a neighbor who doesn’t clean up after their dog? Now imagine that, but with a dragon. Someone would always be knocking on my door like “Brian, your dragon pooped in my parking spot and I can’t get my car in there” and I’d rub my temples in frustration and say “Dammit, Detective Randy Pasadena” and they’d say “What?” and I’d say “Nothing, I’ll be down in a second” because I don’t want to have another conversation about what I named my dragon.

People would always be asking to borrow my dragon, too, I bet. They’d want to go on joyrides or avenge someone and I would always have to be like “Actually, it doesn’t work like that. Only I can ride my dragon.” People would probably think I’m lying about that. They’d think it’s just an excuse I made up because I don’t want to share my dragon with them. I would have to get out the whole leather-bound book — like the ones wizards have that are always covered in dust they have to blow off — and show them the section that says dragons only have one rider. Then they’d be all “Well, where can I get my own dragon then?” or “Can we just breed your dragon with another one so I can have one of the eggs?” and I would be like “I already promised eggs to Larry and Heather and I’m going to have to promise one to Greg and Theresa as a wedding present” and then they’d get all mad and be all “Well how come they get eggs and I don’t?” and I would say “Because they asked first” and then they’d get mad and be like “But I’ve known you longer” and I’d be all “But you didn’t ask” and they’d get all mopey and be like “It would have been nice if you offered” and then it would be a whole thing.

I do not think I would enjoy having a dragon, now that I type it all out. Too much of a hassle.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – GOOD SHOWS COMING

I suspect it says a lot about the dilapidated funhouse where my brain should be that I saw this teeny tiny little teaser for the fourth season of Succession earlier this week and got so excited that I let out an audible “oooo” in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. I didn’t look up to see if anyone was looking at me mostly because you can’t be mortified about something you don’t know, but I have to imagine the older woman a few chairs away was pretty curious about what I had just seen on my phone. I’m glad she didn’t ask. There is definitely a universe out there where she did and I proceeded to blabber on and on to that poor lady about my sweet boy Cousin Greg and everything he’s been up to since the show started. Believe me when I say that writing this column every week is good for my personal relationships because it gives me a place to dump all my hooey without boring people I know to tears. You, the reader, are helping my family and friends more than you can possibly imagine.

Hey, speaking of cool things I can’t and won’t shut up about, here’s the trailer for the new Natasha Lyonne-starring, Rian Johnson-created Peacock series Poker Face.

This looks… awesome. It looks awesome. And not just the part where the Knives Out guy is making a show where Natasha Lyonne solves crimes while wearing cool sunglasses. That’s pretty awesome, too, though. There’s also the thing where these two beautiful maniacs are making an effort to bring back the Mystery of the Week genre of television.

Johnson and Lyonne are friends, and they describe the project as one that arose organically through their mutual love of a good mystery-of-the-week series. “Never underestimate the power of a good dinner conversation between friends,” the two shared in a statement. “What started as a discussion over steak frites about detective shows and what made them such a reliable pleasure—the exploration of little worlds within each new setting, the guest stars playing killers and victims, and most importantly, a scrappy protagonist you were always ready to kick back with and see win—ultimately resulted in the creation of Charlie, the driving force behind Poker Face.”

This rules. Yes, sure, I do love a season-long exploration of a single crime or theme. I watch a bunch of those shows, like, for example, Succession, which I just mentioned. But there’s also something cool about a show where you can just click on a favorite episode a few years later and watch it without being lost about where in the multi-episode arc you are. Neither one is inherently better or worse, but it would be nice to have both, which is why I enjoy this development. We have plenty of outlets making plenty of shows. Give us a little nibble of everything. Call it Tapas-style programming if you want to look fancy. Whatever it takes to make it happen.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Five minutes is so long

There’s a big chat over in the New York Times with a bunch of the people involved in the new Avatar movie. It’s interesting, I suppose, and if you want to read all of it you can click on this link right here, but I want to talk about holding your breath a long time.

What’s the longest amount of time you can hold your breath? Test it right now. I’ll wait. Open up the stopwatch on your phone and inhale as deeply as you can and then start the clock. I did it earlier this week and I made it to a minute. Barely. I was lightheaded and not doing well by the end. I am very glad I did not pass out, if only because I did not want to explain to an ER nurse that I was rushed to the hospital because I decided halfway through a competition with no one that I could hold my breath for 60 seconds and that I would sooner risk death than see the clock stop at 59.47. I know exactly what face that nurse would make if I said that. People have been making it at me my whole life.

Anyway, the cast of Avatar had to learn how to hold their breath a long time because James Cameron is a maniac. Kate Winslet held her breath for seven minutes, which feels impossible. Zoe Saldana made it to five, which is also a really, really long time to not breathe. Look.

CAMERON No, and she didn’t either! But Kate’s a demon for prep, so she latched onto the free diving as something that she could build her character around. Kate’s character is someone who grew up underwater as an ocean-adapted Na’vi — they’re so physically different from the forest Na’vi, that we’d almost classify them as a subspecies. So she had to be utterly calm underwater, and it turned out that she was a natural.

SALDAÑA I got almost up to five minutes. That’s a big accomplishment, you guys.

CAMERON Five minutes is huge. Sig did six and a half.

Three things here:

• Five minutes is a long time to do almost anything, and if you don’t believe you are free to start that stopwatch back up and watch five minutes tick by without even holding your breath
• It is wild to me that James Cameron decided to solve the “I want to shoot underwater for a long time” problem by making a bunch of actresses almost die of oxygen deprivation instead of just, like, doing some CGI
• The “Sig did six and a half” at the end refers to Sigourney Weaver and represents one of the sickest negs ever committed to paper

Everyone involved in this is out of their mind a little. Including me.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – LEAVE KEANU ALONE

Here’s what happened…

Matthew Perry wrote a book about his life and career and struggle with addiction. Little bits and pieces of it have people spilling out as the promotional tour kicks into high gear. It was all going pretty great for everyone until the internet got its hands on two brief excerpts. Specifically, this one about River Phoenix dying of an overdose…

“River was a beautiful man, inside and out — too beautiful for this world, it turned out. It always seems to be the really talented guys who go down. Why is it that the original thinkers like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die, but Keanu Reeves still walks among us? River was a better actor than me; I was funnier. But I certainly held my own in our scenes — no small feat, when I look back decades later.”

… and this one about his Almost Heroes co-star Chris Farley dying of an overdose…

“His disease had progressed faster than mine had. (Plus, I had a healthy fear of the word ‘heroin,’ a fear we did not share),” Perry writes. “I punched a hole through Jennifer Aniston’s dressing room wall when I found out. Keanu Reeves walks among us. I had to promote ‘Almost Heroes’ two weeks after he died; I found myself publicly discussing his death from drugs and alcohol. I was high the entire time.”

… and the world as a collective saw Keanu’s name being dragged through the mud and gasped in horror and demanded to know who exactly Matthew Perry thinks he is. It was really great. One of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. Matthew Perry had to issue a full-on apology statement. To Keanu Reeves. Who, I suspect, had no idea Friends star Matthew Perry had been waging one-sided flame war against him for decades. I can’t wait until Keanu is out promoting his next movie and someone asks him about it. I hope I get to be the one who does it. This would make me happier than I can possibly express in text form. You should see my face right now. I am beaming just thinking about it.

If anyone who has a part in any of this has any sense of humor at all they’ll cast Matthew Perry in like John Wick 6 and let Keanu decapitate him with a sword. I think that would square things for a lot of people.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – I’m listening…

Things are going great for Nicolas Cage. He’s back, baby. Ever since he made the surprise hit Pig and people remembered he’s one of the few just naturally compelling people on screen in the whole world, his phone has been ringing again. This makes me happy. Things got weird for a while there. Nicolas Cage movies played an important role in me becoming the person I am today, which I would appreciate if we all treated as a good thing. Thank you.

Buried in the article about him rising from the ashes like a shouty phoenix was this little tidbit that has altered the course of my year.

He had six live-action credits in 2019, four in 2018 and five in 2017. His fee for leading those VOD-type movies fell into the $1 million to $1.5 million range, with some profit participation thrown in. That salary would have taken up at least a third of the budget for Pig, the movie that changed his current trajectory, as sources say it cost only $3 million.

On top of reopening studio doors — in addition to Massive Talent and Renfield, he is in various stages of discussions for sequels to such big productions as National Treasure and Face/Off — Pig’s success has allowed the actor to raise his price. One indie movie source says Cage’s quote is now $4 million.

Did you see it? Did you see the thing about a potential Face/Off sequel? Did you, at any point this week, hear what sounded like a muffled shout of “YES” echoing through the wind? Because that was probably me shouting from my living room in Pennsylvania. I’m sorry for startling you. I just got a little excited.

I have only three requests here and I think they are all reasonable: One, bring John Woo back to direct; two, give him however much money James Cameron is getting to make the Avatar sequel; three, let a dove fly into the face-off machine while Nicolas Cage is in it and give me a whole movie about a human with a bird face and a bird with Nicolas Cage’s face. I know the sizing is off and it shouldn’t work, but it’s not like John Travolta and Nicolas Cage had the same size heads either. We’ve already agreed to suspend disbelief on this one, now we’re just talking about a matter of degree. It can work.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Derek:

Status check to see how you’re doing with the Phillies in the World Series. For some reason I picture you like Charlie from Always Sunny, about 8-10 coffees deep, in front of a yarn wall with lots of pictures and stats and lineup projections, fully melting down. I swear I mean that in a nice way. Good luck, buddy. Go Phillies!

Oh yeah, I’m a complete disaster right now. The combination of nerves and excitement flowing through my body could power the entire stadium when the series comes back to Philly on Monday. This brings up an important point that a wise old man — me — made on Twitter this week.

It’s going to be madness. The Phillie Phanatic might be in full costume on a four-wheeler. Purge rules could be in effect if the Phillies win, especially if they can steal one of the first two in Houston this weekend. Hell, the city lost half of its mind when the team just made it to the playoffs. Did we have people climbing street poles and slamming beers outside the Ritz Carlton? We did.

Did we have a dude in an Elmo costume leading a drum line through City Hall? You know it.

I am thrilled and terrified and nervous and there’s at least a 50 percent chance that I puke in the middle of Game 1 tonight just from all the emotions crashing together inside my body. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To the Midwest!

An investigation into the theft of several semi-trailers and loads of frozen beef in the Lincoln and Grand Island areas has uncovered an alleged crime ring based in Miami that targeted packing plants in six states.

MULTISTATE BEEF HEIST

A semi loaded with more than $232,000 worth of beef had been stolen in Grand Island on June 26 and found empty in Emerald, a small town west of Lincoln, according to court records.

My favorite thing about this — other than the part where I just got to type “MULTISTATE BEEF HEIST” while on the clock — is that now I have this image in my head of the first movie in the Fast & Furious franchise, exactly the same in every way, but now they are stealing beef instead of DVD players. Everything about this makes me very happy except for the thing where I can’t go back in time and make it the actual plot of the movie.

Yet.

I can’t go back in time yet.

I’ll keep working on it, though.

Peschong said, in working with Homeland Security Investigation in Omaha, officials now believe the same people involved in the thefts were responsible for 45 others — an estimated $9 million loss — since June 2021 in Nebraska, Iowa, Minnesota, South Dakota, North Dakota and Wisconsin.

I like the idea of some criminal buying a million-dollar piece of South Beach real estate and a bunch of his fellow shady neighbors asking him what line of business he is in — “Coke? Pills? E?” — and just getting the word “Beef” in reply.

I guess what I’m saying here is that I would really like someone to make a movie about the beef heist that is half Fast & Furious and half Scarface. Maybe a little bit of Heat, too. You don’t even need to release it in theaters. Just bring it straight to my house. More efficient that way.

Taylor Swift does not have a good track record when it comes to picking movie roles. Yes! She’s great at crafting a pop song and even mastered a folk song or two, but her movie experiences always end up at the butt of the joke. Most recently, there was Amsterdam, the star-studded Oscar bait from this year. Then there was…Cats which we don’t have to talk about. But when you look back and think of all the not-so-great roles she acted in, you also have to remember how many roles she didn’t play, including one very key character from Les Miserables.

Swift appeared on The Grant Norton Show this week alongside Eddie Redmayne, who became a household name after appearing in 2012’s epic musical Les Miserables. But the actor also revealed that he and Swift had screen-tested together before in what turned out to be a “nightmare.”

Via EW, the pop star explained, “Basically, I was up for two roles. I had the look of Cosette and the range vocally of Éponine, so it was established I was there for a good time, but not for a long time. I wasn’t going to get the role.” Cosette went to Amanda Seyfried, while Samantha Barks played Éponine.

She continued, “But they asked if I would like to go to London to do a screen test with Eddie, who is one of my favorite actors, and I thought, ‘This isn’t an experience I am going to get again in my life,’ so I said yes.” After arriving, the crew immediately put her in period-specific costumes complete with painted-on black teeth. “They made me look like death and it became a nightmare. When I met Eddie I didn’t open my mouth to speak,” she concluded.

Redmayne added that the experience was not pleasant for him either due to his lunch of garlic knots and pizza. “I thought we would just be singing off each other — I didn’t know we would be in each other’s arms,” he said. “My overriding memory of it is that I had had pizza and garlic dough balls beforehand, and all I could think about was my garlic breath while Taylor was dying in my arms and I was trying to show emotion.”

It wasn’t all a waste, because director Tom Hooper kept in touch with Swift for years and eventually decided to cast her…..in Cats. You win some, you lose some. Swift is winning other things, so she’ll be fine!

(Via EW)