Towards the end of last week, predictions (like this one and this one) said that Swift would occupy the entirety of the Billboard Hot 100 top 10 with songs from Midnights, an unprecedented feat. If that came to pass, it would be the first time an artist has ever owned the entire Hot 100 top 10 in one week. It turns out those predictions were correct: On the new Hot 100 chart dated November 5, Swift does indeed have all top-10 spots, led by “Anti-Hero” at No. 1.
Swift has previously shown her appreciation for how immediately successful her new album has been. On The Tonight Show last week, she told Jimmy Fallon, “I’m beside myself, really. […] The fact that the fans have done this — the breaking of the records and the going out to the stores and getting it… it’s like, you know, I’m 32, so we’re considered geriatric pop stars. They start trying to put us out to pasture at age 25. I’m just happy to be here!”
Streetwear is a fashion aesthetic that stays in flux. That’s why the style has been able to stay fresh — from its origins in the late ‘80s until today. But as huge and varied a style as streetwear is, it’s still incredibly easy for the big brands like Supreme, Stüssy, Nike, and Adidas to suck up all the oxygen in the room. That’s really a shame because these gigantic brands often take their cues from more under-the-radar brands that don’t have the same global reach.
In an effort to celebrate the brands that may be off your radar but are still making cutting-edge fashion, we’re shouting out the young designers and labels that are killing it in 2022. From high-end to smaller independent brands, this crop of designers is killing it right now — oftentimes even surpassing what’s offered by the big brands with monster budgets. Most of these brands have only been around for about five years, but have been on a steady growth path. By following and supporting these designers, you’re guaranteed to come away from this article with a massively leveled-up wardrobe that is going to help you stand out no matter what sort of function you’re rolling up to.
Here are the young streetwear designers and brands to watch this decade, let’s dive in!
Circulate founder and main designer Corey Populus (aka Young Corey) lives and breathes streetwear. As a kid, Populus spent much of his time working the registers at Diamond Supply on Fairfax in Los Angeles, absorbing all he could before embarking on his own and starting Circulate. The brand began in 2018 but really found its voice during the 2020 George Floyd Protests with a new audience that resonated with Populus’ unique mix of skatewear and social messaging.
History is a running theme of Circulate, many pieces from this brand attempt to educate while celebrating cultural figures of the past, present, and future. The brand also puts a focus on quality garments made with longevity in mind, the idea being that the clothes can continue to circulate within the culture.
Deep themes and quality craftsmanship aside, the brand is just a whole lot of fun. Our favorite piece right now is a 100% cotton t-shirt featuring Rev Jesse Jackson and Marvin Gaye playing basketball. Need we really say more?
The New Blue Collar has been on our radar for a while but we can’t get enough of the way this brand is updating the idea of everyday workwear to something that resonates with the culture we actually live in.
Founded by Alex Ewings and Felix Llanos, The New Blue Collar’s main focus is on functional everyday staples that look clean, fresh, and elevated. Their current collection is varsity-inspired and consists of button-up shirts and sweaters that look like something you could wear courtside at a pick-up game in the park, back at the office, and when you hit the bars for happy hour all without the need to change.
The New Blue Collar’s expertise is in fits that can truly live in any setting. Their new Weekday Cap is another highlight. Ask yourself, has a baseball cap paired with a suit ever looked this good?
Teddy Fresh was started in 2017 by Youtuber Hila Klein (of H3h3 Productions), but honestly, the roots of the brand are the least interesting part about it. This isn’t a simple merch collection or vanity project started by wealthy YouTubers — Hila really knows her stuff and is one of the most unique designers operating in streetwear right now. Teddy Fresh makes hands down some of the best-looking modern streetwear on the market, producing quality pieces with superb craftsmanship.
The brand began with simple patchwork sweaters done up in bright pastel colors but has since expanded to a full unisex line, offering everything from dresses to jackets to tops and bottoms, all packaged in a bright pastel-heavy aesthetic that is uniquely their own. You know a Teddy Fresh piece just by looking at it, and that’s the sign of a strong brand identity.
Started by founder, designer, and creative director Joey Gollish, Mr. Saturday launched sometime in 2017 and has quietly over the years become a force in the streetwear space. Mr. Saturday is one of those few brands that seem to get stronger with every release, always pushing past what it has done before without ever losing sight of what made the brand special in the first place: quality craftsmanship and a unique merging of subcultures.
Gollish seems to enjoy exploring the nightlife subcultures of the past, whether we’re talking about groovy hippies from the psychedelic era or 90s club kids, and retranslating them through a modern lens fit for the present and future. There probably isn’t another brand that speaks more to where we are as a culture right now than Mr. Saturday.
Blondey McCoy is a superstar in the London skate scene, but honestly, if the skater wanted to leave it all behind for modeling or acting, he’s one of the few skaters that has the face and general vibe for it. Blondey cut his teeth riding for the Palace Wayward Boys Choir skate crew and got introduced to the fashion world via Palace’s early lookbooks before starting his own brand, Thames MMXX.
Like a lot of streetwear brands Thames started out with simple graphic t-shirts that fit the London skate aesthetic but has since experimented with everything from jackets, to vests, bags, knit sweaters, jewelry, sunglasses, and everything in between. Thames aesthetic feels like a pleasant contradiction, mixing a high fashion aesthetic with the casual wearability of skatewear. In the brand’s short existence, Thames has collaborated with heavyweights like Palace and Adidas, solidifying itself as a strong brand that still has its best days ahead of it.
The pandemic had a tremendous effect on the fashion industry, brands either thrived or died as the industry collectively switched to a direct-to-consumer model that prioritized fan engagement and community in a way fashion never has before. But unlike most brands, Yony actually started during the pandemic and it’s a testament to the look and power of the brand that it still exists today.
Yony is all about harkening back to a time when sourcing and craftsmanship actually mattered to the fashion industry, choosing to source all of its fabrics from the United States when possible, and cutting, sewing, washing, and dying all of its pieces in Los Angeles where the brand is headquartered.
The look of the brand is a retranslation of 50’s inspired Americana, producing pieces that look timeless while still fitting in with modern sensibilities.
Tombogo is one of the most unique and inspired streetwear brands out there right now. Started by the young Bay Area designer Tommy Bogo, the brand has existed in some form or another for a while now (it started as the name of an Oakland pop-up concert series), but really solidified itself as a unique fashion brand during the pandemic. With an emphasis on sustainability and unconventional fabrics and designs, Tombogo feels like a brand that is growing into itself and experimenting before our eyes.
While the general aesthetic is workwear-inspired unisex pieces, the look of Tombogo is a representation of where Tommy Bogo’s mind is at any given time, making it a brand that always feels flexible and continues to surprise with each drop. That makes Tombogo one of the most rewarding brands to follow right now, you really feel like you’re on a journey with its designer.
The White Lotus Misery Index is a weekly accounting of who and/or what is having the worst time in paradise in season two of the HBO series. The rankings are based on a number of factors, none of which can or will be quantified in any way. We are doing art here, not science.
UNRANKED: Bert Di Grasso (flirting and farting around Italy, bonking his head a little, feels like there’s a disaster here waiting to happen); Cameron (seems like a happy doofus with a big ding dong, which is not the worst way to go through life); Ethan (big old zero so far); Massimo the Italian boy (breaking hearts across the country); Lucia the Escort (feels like it should be noted somewhere that the real name of this actress is Simona Tabasco); various unnamed White Lotus employees (would watch a Party Down-style companion series just about how much these people hate the guests); Greg McQuoid (huge weasel and putz but I kind of love him?); Rocco (favorite character so far, hope he marries Tanya by the end of the season and they go live in a castle)
10. Giuseppe the Piano Man
HBO
Rough night for Giuseppe. Stuck playing Italian cocktail music for wealthy tourists when he probably has other musical ambitions. Mistakenly believed a young girl with an interest in music was a prostitute, in part because of her makeup and in part because she’d been hanging around with her escort friend, all of which got a drink justifiably whipped in his face in front of everyone at the bar who he had just been tickling the ivories for. You get the feeling this might not be the first time this kind of thing has happened to Giuseppe. None of it is really all that ideal.
9. Daphne
HBO
ON ONE HAND: She doesn’t watch the news and seems to love her doofus husband and their kids. In the flash forward at the very beginning, when she was talking to Angelina and Kara from Survivor on the beach, she seemed happy and had the general disposition of a lady who enjoyed her vacation, which seems nice.
ON THE OTHER HAND: It was kind of weird that she was out there alone. And Cameron was making sort-of flirty eyes at every woman he saw, including Harper, who he stripped down in front of in a way that did not feel entirely accidental. And she… uh… found a dead body in the ocean. Which does not seem like a fun thing I would want to do on vacation. Or… ever. No dead bodies for me, thank you.
I cannot explain why but I like Daphne more than almost any other character so far and I am very worried about her. We will monitor this situation going forward.
8. Tanya McQuoid
HBO
Tanya is:
Back for season two, at a new resort, with her dipshit husband Greg and more luggage than any person could ever need
Already engaged in a “hide my assistant” ruse that is bordering on Scooby-Doo territory, hustling her into and out of places and making her cower behind a menu at dinner
Disassociating during sex and freaking out a little, after one of the saddest and funniest seductions you’ll ever see
Waist-deep in a macaroon farce
It’s wonderful. I love her very much. At some point we are going to need to figure out a way to slip Jennifer Coolidge in more — most, maybe all — shows, but for now it’s just nice that she gets to go to luxurious resorts around the world and put on a comedic clinic like this. What a treasure. We must protect her.
7. The Blind Nun Who Makes Cheese in a Basement
HBOHBO
We cannot rule out the possibility that this woman takes great pride in her work and feels like a valued and appreciated member of society due to her cheese-making prowess, but let me be very clear about something: if you ever hear that I am stuck making cheese in the basement of a convent, please call the police. I have been taken hostage. These are not nuns. This is an international cheese smuggling operation that uses religion as a front. Please send help. You will be rewarded with all the cheese you can carry out of that basement.
6. Albie Di Grasso
HBO
This poor kid is:
On vacation with his dad (marriage falling apart, setting up meetings with prostitutes) and his grandfather (horny and gassy) as part of a mission to find their Sicilian roots
Crushing a little bit on Portia, Tanya’s assistant, who is not allowed to leave her room
Spending a lot of time with his headphones in, which is often television shorthand for “having a bad time”
He seems like a sweet boy. I want the best for him. I hope he and Portia get to make out a little bit even though I know things on this show rarely ever work out great for the characters I want to have a good time.
5. Valentina the Manager
HBO
It was always going to be tough to top Armond, the hotel manager from the first season who was played by Murray Bartlett and descended into cocaine-tooting madness by the end of the festivities. There was so much going on with him and all of it was delightful. The GIF of him blowing lines and throwing middle fingers to the sky will stay saved on my desktop forever, just to break out for emergencies. But…
… if you’re going to try…
… I mean…
Let’s just say there are plenty of less productive ways to take this all than “a bossy Italian woman who calls a guest old to his face and shouts at poor Rocco about the Prosecco and spends half the season premiere attempting to chase young prostitutes out of the lobby the way a maid in a cartoon tries to shoo mice out of a kitchen.” I half expect her to start swatting at them with a broom. Her journey over the course of this season will be fascinating.
4. Mia the Maybe Escort
HBO
Mia is:
Devastated over Massimo, who I really hope we get to meet at some point, just to see who this heartbreaker is
Getting roped into potential threesomes by her escort friend
Getting propositioned by slick piano men in cocktail lounges when she just wants to talk about music
Not great!
3. Harper
HBO
So here’s the thing…
Everyone on this show is awful. Mostly. In their own special little way. It’s one of the things that makes this show so good, the way Mike White can identify the different types of terrible people and the little nuances that make them each so uniquely insufferable. So we watch the first episode and see the dynamic between the two young couples, Ethan/Harper and Cameron/Daphne, and yes, of course, I would not super want to be stuck on a vacation with either one of them. But the interesting thing for me is going to be watching viewers react to them. Which couple you feel sympathy for, if you feel any sympathy for either, is going to make for a fun little psychological test.
I suspect things are not going to go great for any of them, and Cameron does give off incredibly strong creep vibes (he sure does have opinions about workplace harassment!), but if I had to choose who to be on vacation with a couple, please, give me the “we don’t watch the news and can’t remember if we voted and just kind of want to bounce around and have fun and watch Ted Lasso” over “current events obsessed bummers who show up at an opulent resort and proceed to mope around and stare at their screens too much,” even if this is the type of role Aubrey Plaza was born to play.
Another situation worth monitoring. It will not surprise me at all if I end up eating a lot of these words as the season progresses.
2. Dominic Di Grasso
HBO
No one is having less fun than this doof, between his dad hitting on every hotel employee under the age of 45 and his wife — VOICED BY LAURA DERN — shouting at him on the phone, and him pawning off his potentially concussed octogenarian father on his miserable son so he can have pathetic chair sex with a young Italian prostitute he met online and doesn’t particularly want to talk to. I’ll tell you who is having fun, though: Me. It rules to see Michael Imperioli back on HBO getting frustrated by older Italian men who are stuck in their ways. It’s been too long. Anyway…
Welcome to paradise, buddy.
1. Portia the Assistant
HBO
One hour into this season and the only thing that truly matters to me is that we, at some point, get to see Portia — dragged to Italy by Tanya, ordered to stay in the room and hide from Greg, basically a prisoner on vacation — thrive to such a remarkable degree that other characters become jealous of her in a truly ugly way.
Anybody who thought the vinyl resurgence was just a fad was mistaken: The industry has experienced a legitimate revival. As a result, music fans are interested in physical media in ways they may not have if the decades-old medium hasn’t made a comeback. That doesn’t mean everybody is listening to just their parents’ old music, though. That’s part of it, sure, thanks to rereleases that present classic albums in new ways. A vital part of the renewed vinyl wave, though, is new projects being released as records, of which there are plenty.
Whatever you might be into, each month brings a new slew of vinyl releases that has something for everybody. Some stand out above the rest, naturally, so check out some of our favorite vinyl releases of October below.
Taylor Swift — Midnights
Republic
Midnights is perhaps the biggest album of the year so far, and as always, Taylor Swift came through with the merch. Her webstore has four differently colored versions of the album on vinyl, too. If you want to dig deep into your pockets and buy all of them, the four editions can be placed together and form a clock face on their back sides.
In 2009, former Vampire Weekend member Rostam Batmanglij and Ra Ra Riot’s Wes Miles got together for a full-length album: LP, credited to Discovery. This new reissue of the album comes in a number of different colors and includes an unlisted bonus track that wasn’t on the original XL Recordings pressing.
Queens Of The Stone Age — Queens Of The Stone Age (Reissue)
Matador Records
Queens Of The Stone Age became one of the most respected rock bands of their era and it all started with the 1998 self-titled debut album. Now, it’s back in print on vinyl for the first time in ten years, in either standard black or limited-edition opaque orange vinyl.
Here’s a peculiar one: Siouxsie Sioux collected rarities and classics for a compilation crafted specifically for fall. All tracks have been remastered, the album comes with new artwork directed by Sioux, and some songs here haven’t been seen on vinyl in decades.
It’s been over 20 years since influential post-hardcore group Thursday released Full Collapse, their sophomore album that would go on to be an emo classic. Now fans can get their hands on a limited-edition (only 5,000 copies are being released worldwide) vinyl reissue, spread across three 10-inch LPs and accompanied by a unique hardcover book. Check out our feature on the album.
Tom Waits — Alice (Reissue) and Blood Money (Reissue)
Anti-
Tom Waits was busy in 2002 when he dropped two new albums: Alice and Blood Money. Both of those projects turn 20 this year, so now Waits has reissued them. On top of the new vinyl pressings, the digital deluxe versions also include new live renditions of five tracks per album.
A Beatles vinyl reissue isn’t exactly a hard sell, especially when it comes to this new release of Revolver. This version features newly mixed audio available in mono, stereo, and Dolby Atmos iterations, and the Super Deluxe edition even comes with a 100-page hardbound book. It’s a must-own for any Beatles fan, and probably any music fan, too.
The Libertines — Up The Bracket (20th Anniversary Reissue)
Rough Trade
The Libertines established themselves as major players in the 2000s UK indie rock scene with their 2002 debut album Up The Bracket, which has now gotten a 20th-anniversary reissue. The Super Deluxe Edition is particularly impressive, featuring 65 previously unreleased recordings, including original demos, radio sessions, and live performances.
Beastie Boys — Check Your Head (Vinyl Me, Please Reissue)
Rough Trade
Check Your Head — the 1992 Beastie Boys LP that features favorites like “So What’cha Want” and “Pass The Mic” — turns 20 this year. So, Vinyl Me, Please is reissuing it in a special burgundy/dark red vinyl with AAA lacquers cut from the original master tapes. Another major appeal of this particular release is that it comes with a listening notes booklet from Mark Ronson.
After establishing herself with 2019’s Athena, Sudan Archives was able to follow it up with a forceful and intriguing second album, Natural Brown Prom Queen. Aside from a standard black vinyl edition, it’s also available in pink and orange pressings that bring out different elements of the striking cover art.
Machine Gun Kelly is not one to shy away from shock value, so it’s no surprise he and his girlfriend, Megan Fox decided to dress as the infamous couple, Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson. But did they take their inspiration too far?
The duo dressed up as the iconic couple sporting a similar look from their 1995 appearance at the grand opening of the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas — Megan wore a pink leather dress, while MGK donned a white tank top and leather black jeans. And that’s all well and good, but then things took a dark turn while the couple attended the Casamigos costume party this past weekend, TMZ reported.
In a video Kelly posted, the Cleveland rapper can be seen snorting a white, powdery substance off Fox’s breast with a roll dollar bill.
Many fear that this gag went a tad too far and could negatively influence his younger fans. But more than that, was it necessary for the couple to dress to us Lee and Anderson, especially in light of the alleged abuse and toxicity throughout the relationship? In 1998, Lee was jailed for six months for beating his then-wife Anderson.
People have brought up similar claims for people that have dressed up as iconic toxic couples, such as Ike and Tina, or Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.
Taylor Swift has swiped the pop throne from Harry’s House. According to Billboard, Swift’s Midnightsis now 2022’s top-selling album based on 1.140 million overall copies sold. That comfortably surpasses the 633,000 copies of Harry’s House, Styles’ third solo studio album from May. The publication additionally relayed 575,000 Midnights vinyls were sold in the US, the biggest such vinyl week since 1991.
.@taylorswift13‘s ‘Midnights’ is already the top-selling album of 2022 by overall sales, with 1.140 million copies sold.
The previous top-seller was @Harry_Styles‘ ‘Harry’s House’ (633,000 sold this year).
Swift accounts for three — Midnights, Red (Taylor’s Version), and Evermore — of the five biggest vinyl sales weeks during that span. Harry’s House and Adele’s 30 are the other two. Midnights also claimed a spot in the top five biggest-ever streaming weeks for albums, slotting in at third.
Biggest vinyl sales weeks in the modern era, per Luminate:
Midnights became Swift’s 11th No. 1 album when the Billboard 200 dated November 5 was unveiled yesterday (October 30). Her 10th studio album arrived October 21 as a 13-track LP but received seven more tracks with its literally titled Midnights (3am Edition) hours later. Billboard‘s Luminate data source counted 1.578 equivalent first-week album units for Midnights, the most by any album in the US since Adele’s 25 in 2015. It eclipsed 2014’s 1989 (1.287 million) as Swift’s biggest first-week in her career.
Swift joined The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallonlast Monday (October 24). Fallon rang off all the Midnights benchmarks achieved in the days since its October 21 release, including breaking Spotify’s single-day streaming record, and Swift grinned like a Cheshire cat when Fallon joked she could “plug her ears” while he continued to flatter her.
“No, I like it too much,” Swift said with a laugh. She added, “I’m beside myself, really. It’s a concept record, but it’s my first directly autobiographical record in a while because the last album that I put out was a re-record of my album Red, so that has some space. I wrote that stuff a decade ago. Folklore and Evermore, it was like story time. It was like mythology. Like, ‘I’m creating a character. They went and did this and felt this way.’ So, I’m feeling very overwhelmed by the fans’ love for the record. I’m also feeling very soft and fragile. The two can exist at once. But the fact that the fans have done this — like, the breaking of the records and the going out to the stores and getting it. It’s like, you know, I’m 32. So, we’re considered geriatric pop stars. They start trying to put us out to pasture at age 25. I’m just happy to be here.”
On Monday morning, millions of Instagram users were locked out of their accounts and greeted with an ominous message that read, “We suspended your account on October 31, 2022.” If you’re one of those people, don’t panic (yet). According to a statement from the social media platform, they’re working on a solution to fix the outage.
“We’re aware that some of you are having issues accessing your Instagram account. We’re looking into it and apologize for the inconvenience,” the Instagram Comms account tweeted.
We’re aware that some of you are having issues accessing your Instagram account. We’re looking into it and apologize for the inconvenience. #instagramdown
Of course, it’s never a good sign when you have to resort to another social media platform to alter your users. Especially Twitter given everything going on over there.
However, the Instagram issue seems to go beyond erroneously telling users that their accounts are suspended. The platform is experiencing server outages and follower counts are, technically speaking, getting funky. Via The Verge:
The suspensions also appear to be causing follower counts to drop dramatically, giving us some perspective as to how many users are experiencing the issue. As noted by our social media manager Tristan Cooper, The Verge’s Instagram account dipped by 10,000 followers today. A quick look at Cristiano Ronaldo’s Instagram account shows it appears to have lost 3 million followers from the 493 million it had just one day ago, and Instagram’s own primary account is down by over a million.
Basically, if you’re an Instagram user, just hang tight. Your account is almost definitely not suspended — unless, of course, you were violating the TOS — and everything should be cleared up by some point. Hopefully.
Sometime over the last two years, Ted Lasso went from being a fan-favorite wholesome show about sports (who would have thought that “wholesome” and “sports” could be so linked?) to a somewhat polarizing show. Maybe it’s because of the way certain characters evolved, or maybe it’s because of the way a certain actor allegedly acts, but the show seems to bring up a lot of conflicting emotions for people. You either love it or you don’t care at all. Which is better than everyone hating it altogether, right?
On the new season of The White Lotus, a new round of vacationing guests, played by Aubrey Plaza, Will Sharpe, Meghann Fahy, and Theo James, bring up the series during a lull in the conversation. “We love Ted Lasso!” Daphne (played by Fahy) says. “So likable right?” Plaza’s character Harper flatly responds, “I don’t watch Ted Lasso.”
The interaction seemed to resonate a lot with people who have been in similar situations with various family members or friends on vacation. Or people who just do not enjoy Ted Lasso. Both can be true!
meghann fahy in the white lotus i will watch ted lasso with you. i will ignore the news with you. i will let you facetime the kids while we are on a beautiful italian vacation and you will not hear a single complaint about it from me
There’s an actress on white lotus who’s named Meghann which is my name and I think it’s cool aubrey plaza’s character doesn’t watch Ted lasso because I personally hope it gets canceled and wiped off the face of the earth. Representation found!!!
If you haven’t heard actor Justin Baldoni’s name, you at least probably recognize him.
Best known for his role as Rafael on “Jane the Virgin,” Baldoni is the epitome of Hollywood’s “tall, dark, and handsome” stereotype. He is every bad boy with a sinister past. Every womanizing billionaire. Every domineering playboy.
In a talk at TEDWomen 2017, Baldoni joked about the string of characters he’s been typecast as (most of them appear shirtless a good majority of the time).
“Most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma, and power,” he said. “And when I look in the mirror, that’s just not how I see myself.”
Baldoni came to realize that it wasn’t just on-screen that he was pretending. In his everyday life, he found himself trying to conform to society’s masculine ideal as well, and it all felt like a lie.
“I’ve been pretending to be strong when I felt weak. Confident when I felt insecure. And tough when really I was hurting,” he explained.
The past few years have been a journey for Baldoni, who has set out to redefine for himself what “being a man” is really all about. In his TED Talk, he shared three major realizations he had along the way.
1. “Real men” make themselves vulnerable — not just with women, but with other men too.
Baldoni’s early attempts at being more open about his emotions publicly on social media went great — until he realized almost all of his followers were women. Opening up to his fellow men was another challenge altogether.
“If it’s about work or sports or politics or women, [men] have no problem sharing our opinions,” he observed. “But if it’s about our insecurities, our struggles, our fear of failure, it’s almost like we become paralyzed.”
He recalled recently wanting to talk to his guy friends about a serious issue in his life and needing almost the entirety of a three-day guys trip to work up the courage to do it. Once he did, however, he found many of his buddies were eager to share with him, too.
“My display of vulnerability can, in some cases, give other men permission to do the same,” he realized.
(If only there were a TEDMen Baldoni could have given this talk at.)
2. “Real men” hold other men, and themselves, accountable.
As he began to engage more with other men, Baldoni started to become even more aware of toxic male behavior around him. It was everywhere.
He recalls an Instagram comment someone left on a photo of him and his wife. The random male commenter called the photo “gay shit.”
So Baldoni decided to message him.
“I said, very politely, ‘I’m just curious, because I’m on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife qualified as gay shit,'” he remembered.
To his surprise, the man responded thoughtfully about how his own displays of affection had been mocked as a child, and he apologized for lashing out.
“Secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself,” Baldoni said. “And all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe place for him to feel. The transformation was instant.”
3. “Real men” embrace the good aspects of traditional masculinity — with a twist.
Not everything traditionally associated with manliness is bad. Strength, bravery, and confidence are great things to aspire to (regardless of one’s gender). But Baldoni urges men to think deeply about what those qualities really mean in practice and whether, perhaps, there’s not a different way to think about spending their energy trying to achieve them.
“Are you brave enough … to be vulnerable?” he asked. “Are you strong enough to be sensitive? … Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? … Will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear ‘locker room talk’?”
Near the end of his talk, Baldoni acknowledges an important point: As bad as the “performance of masculinity” is for men, these rigid gender roles can be far worse for women.
He bemoaned that there wasn’t even enough time to get into issues like the gender pay gap, division of household labor, and violence against women — all issues created and upheld by the toxic male behavior Baldoni’s fighting against.
“The deeper we get into this, the uglier it gets,” he said.
He challenged the men watching and listening to demand better of themselves and those around them.
“If we want to be part of the solution, words are no longer enough,” Baldoni said.
Listen to the whole talk in the YouTube video below, or watch it all on TED.com.
Justin Baldoni wants to start a dialogue with men about redefining masculinity — to figure out ways to be not just good men but good humans. In a warm, pers…
Years ago, Megan Burnside saw a mother physically struggling with her son. The boy was screaming … so she called the cops.
The mother, it seemed, was trying to get her 10-year-old son back in the car, and it looked like things were getting physical. Concerned for the kid, Burnside decided to call the police. Then she and her husband left.
When the police called her later to update her on the situation, she was horrified: The boy had autism, they told her, and was known to sometimes lash out physically. The mother was just doing her best to calm him down, as she had many times before.
Sadly, stories like this aren’t rare. Well-meaning strangers are frequently quick to intervene by calling authorities, which can cause undue stress and trauma for both the child and parent when that person has read the situation wrong. It can even be extraordinarily dangerous for people with disabilities and families of color.
When she realized the situation hadn’t been at all what it had seemed, Burnside was racked with guilt. In fact, she still is.
When a similar thing happened to a friend of hers, Burnside decided to share her shameful story on Facebook — and explain how she’d do it all over differently, given the chance.
“This has come up for me today because someone called DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) on my dear friend,” she wrote.
I have something weighing on my heart this morning. A few years ago I was in Tennessee with my husband at a training… Posted by Megan Orr Burnside on Thursday, December 7, 2017
Burnside’s friend, whom she called “the kind of mother I want to be like,” was bedridden with a respiratory infection, when a person who probably thought they were “helping” called the authorities.
“I don’t know what this person observed that they thought was a problem,” she wrote. “Maybe her kids were running around without parental supervision? Maybe a parent wasn’t feeding them so they were foraging for themselves?”
But there’s a better way of doing things, Burnside says: actually offering to assist the struggling parent.
“I am sad that the person who called her in didn’t ask how they could HELP HER,” she wrote.
The post went viral and touched thousands and thousands of people who agree with her message.
Concern for the well-being of others is a good thing. But concern without empathy hurts everyone.
She wants to encourage people to reach out and help each other whenever possible, and not to assume the worst of our fellow parents and human beings.
“I really believe that the root of all judgement comes from self-judgement,” she says in a Facebook message, noting that she developed more compassion for others by learning to have more compassion for herself and stop worrying about “messing up parenting.”
“I think people want to live in a world where we help more and judge less, and all it takes is compassion,” she says. “A lot of people have shared how this post will change the way they respond to struggling moms in the future, and I am really encouraged by that.”
To be sure, at some point, you may actually witness abuse or neglect, and in those situations it’s smart to get the right authorities involved. Burnside just wants to encourage all of us to think — and feel — before we act.
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“Most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma, and power,” he said. “And when I look in the mirror, that’s just not how I see myself.”
