Japanese composer Ryuichi Sakamoto has had a hugely influential career. The former member of Yellow Magic Orchestra has written music for everything from the Olympics and video games, to film scores for The Last Emperor and The Revenant. But it’s his more than 20 albums of gorgeous music that continue to seep into the lexicon of today’s contemporary artists. So, to celebrate Sakamoto’s 70th birthday, Milan Records is releasing an album called, A Tribute To Ryuichi Sakamoto – To The Moon And Back, featuring “remodeled” versions by admirers and collaborators of some of Sakamoto’s songs. And the first single features Thundercat taking on “Thousand Knives.”
The title track to Sakamoto’s 1978 Thousand Knives EP is a whimsical synthpop number that sees the composer creating a sonic dreamworld of sorts. On the “Thundercat Remodel” version, the future-funk bassist makes it very much his own, swathing it with funky bass, vocals, and groovy synths.
Out on December 2nd, the tribute album will also feature reworks by The Cinematic Orchestra, Dev Hynes of Blood Orange, and more.
Listen to “Thousand Knives – Thundercat Remodel” above and check out the album artwork and tracklist for A Tribute To Ryuichi Sakamoto – To The Moon And Back below.
Ryuichi Sakamoto
1. “Walker – Lim Giong – Follow The Steps Remodel”
2. “Grains (Sweet Paulownia Wood) – David Sylvian Remodel”
3. “Thousand Knives – Thundercat Remodel”
4. “Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence – Electric Youth Remodel”
5. “Thatness and Thereness – Cornelius Remodel”
6. “World Citizen I Won’t Be Disappointed – Hildur Guðnadóttir Remodel”
7. “The Sheltering Sky – Alva Noto Remodel”
8. “Amore – Fennesz Remodel”
9. “Choral No. 1 – Devonté Hynes Remodel” (featuring Emily Schubert)
10. “DNA – The Cinematic Orchestra Remodel”
11. “With Snow and Moonlight – snow, silence, partially sunny – Yoshihide Otomo Remodel”
12. “Forbidden Colors – Gabrial Wek Remodel”
13. “The Revenant Main Theme – 404.zero Remodel”
A Tribute To Ryuichi Sakamoto – To The Moon And Back is out on 12/02 via Milan Records. Pre-order it here.
Alex Jones is such a raging mess when it comes to his various trials that one inevitably thinks about a “big bowl of chili” every time another fiasco erupts. Over five years have passed since Jones claimed that he couldn’t remember basic facts about his own children (while on the stand) because his chili eating had distracted him. That trial didn’t go well for him, nor did the defamation trial that he lost a few months ago, when a jury awarded $50 million in damages to Sandy Hook parents (who won’t receive that full amount due to a Texas limitation).
Jones is currently in the midst of a Connecticut-based defamation trial that’s also tied to his Sandy Hook misinformation, and he had to explain why he gave the “tyrant” judge laser eyes on Infowars, but now, he’s simply fed up with this trial business, full stop. Although Jones was scheduled to testify, he decided to hop on a private jet instead and “boycott” his own trial. Via Mediaite, Jones’ lawyer had to utter the news in open court:
“He’s boycotting these proceedings because he feels he’s on the horns of a trilemma. If he testifies in under the court’s orders, he’ll be committing perjury. If he violates the court’s orders, it’s criminal contempt. If he takes the Fifth, he gets an adverse inference,” [Norm] Pattis said.
From there, Judge Barbara Bellis, who is really earning her paycheck with this trial, declared that the jury won’t be informed of what Jones is rambling about with this statement. She’s also “not having any of that,” although there’s no news on if or when contempt charges could be in the cards. Hope that bowl of chili is worth it!
John Rosemond, a 74-year-old columnist and family psychologist, has folks up in arms after he wrote a column about why he never gives children high-fives. The article, “Living With Children: You shouldn’t high-five a child” was published on the Omaha World-Herald’s website on October 2.
The post reads like a verse from the “Get Off My Lawn” bible and posits that one should only share a high-five with someone who is one’s equal.
“I will not slap the upraised palm of a person who is not my peer, and a peer is someone over age 21, emancipated, employed and paying their own way,” the columnist wrote. “The high-five is NOT appropriate between doctor and patient, judge and defendant, POTUS and a person not old enough to vote (POTUS and anyone, for that matter), employer and employee, parent and child, grandparent and grandchild.”
Does he ask to see a paystub before he high-fives adults?
“Respect for adults is important to a child’s character development, and the high-five is not compatible with respect,” he continues. “It is to be reserved for individuals of equal, or fairly equal, status.”
Rosemond believes that a child should “know their place” and that once they high-five an adult they have no reason to obey them.
Anecdotally, I’ve found that sharing a high-five with a kid has nothing to do with whether they will obey me or not. I coach AYSO soccer and give out high-fives till I’m bruised on game day and come next practice they are all great listeners.
The article got a big reaction on Twitter after it was shared by a user named erin, Ph.D.
A lot of people had no trouble challenging Rosemond’s logic.
I offered a high-five to a kid on Saturday at a party because he joined us on the dance floor and cut a rug. He rejected my high-five. Apparently, he didn’t see me as his equal? 🤔
This is like so much time spent on an action that just seems like whatever. I have never given this much thought to a high five, or ever thought kids were less important than me .
30 years in public education as a teacher and administrator. I have easily high-fived more than a thousand children over the years, encouraging them with affirmations of “good morning” “have a great day” “well done” and “that’s awesome” in the process . What a fool I’ve been.
— Rocky McDillweed-Chrysler 🌵 (@rockychrysler) October 3, 2022
Of course, this guy earned his “old man yells at cloud” award.
To Rosemond’s credit, he begins the post with full knowledge of the criticism he’s going to receive. “I’m talking about adults high-fiving children, and yes, I am about to reveal that I am the Grinch, or so it would seem,” he wrote.
It’s pretty easy to pile on Rosemond for his antiquated views of how we should interact with children. It’s pretty clear that he has a conflated view of what a high-five between two people means. It’s a fun way to give someone simple praise, no more, no less.
It seems that Rosemond missed the mark on finding a way to get to a point that is correct about the parent-child relationship: “Boundaries in relationships are essential to their proper functioning,” he writes.
Then he lays out some commonsense parenting advice.
“Children should not call their parents (or any other adults) by their first names,” he writes. “They should notsleep with their parents. They should not have free access to their parents’ money (yes, I am saying children should not have credit cards). They should not be allowed to view certain movies their parents view.”
Rosemond writes that a high-five isn’t “compatible with respect.” But he should also know that refusing to dole out simple praise may not make one worthy of respect in the first place.
Bespectacled mystery solver and “Scooby Doo” fan favorite Velma Dinkley has a new girlfriend and the internet is here for it.
A viral clip from the new animated movie “Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!” shows the iconic nerd girl full-on swooning over costume designer and crime boss Coco Diablo (coolest name ever). Velma fawns over the other woman’s “amazing turtleneck,” “incredible glasses,” and obvious intellect and love for animals, and jinkies, is it adorable.
It might feel like a plot twist to some, but for most diehard fans and the major creatives behind “Scooby Doo,” the character’s sexuality was no mystery.
In a since deleted tweet, writer/director James Gunn revealed that he tried to make Linda Cardellini’s Velma “explicitely gay” in the live action “Scooby Doo” movies from 2002 and 2004. However, Warner Bros. slowly phased out and “watered down” any story points showcasing her homosexuality.
Tony Cervone, supervising producer on the successful fan series “Mystery Incorporated,” seconded Gunn’s opinion. According to TODAY, during Pride Month of 2020 he wrote on Instagram, “I’ve said this before, but Velma in ‘Mystery Incorporated’ is not bi. She’s gay. We always planned on Velma acting a little off and out of character when she was dating Shaggy because that relationship was wrong for her and she had unspoken difficulty with the why. There are hints about the why in that episode with the mermaid, and if you follow the entire Marcie arc it seems as clear as we could make it 10 years ago. I don’t think Marcie and Velma had time to act on their feelings during the main timeline, but post reset, they are a couple. You can not like it, but this was our intention.”
Velma’s gayness traces all the way back to the original series. As Bitch Media states, show creators William Hanna and Joseph Barbera based the character on child actress Sheila Kuehl, who played a tomboy in the 1950s family series “The Stu Erwin Show.” Coincidentally—or perhaps not—Kuehl later became the first openly gay California legislator.
Velma has long been a beloved LGBTQ icon. Sure, she’s a fictional character, but it’s making a lot of people happy to see themselves represented through her in such a positive light. May we all be inspired to live authentically—even if that means sporting a pixie cut, throwing on some knee highs and figuring out which adults are supernatural creatures in disguise while falling in love with whoever we please.
Political commentator James Carville was in full “no f*cks given” mode during a recent appearance on MSNBC where he blasted GOP candidates like Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and former NFL player Herschel Walker as “low-quality, stupid people.”
Carville came on to discuss the lead-up to key Republican races this November, weighing primary wins and whose poised to be a big talking point for the GOP in the months to come. Walker and DeSantis naturally made the list. One has been in the news for an abortion controversy that threatens his pro-life, conservative Christian base. The other has made headlines for shipping immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard and exploiting natural disasters for photo ops. Neither are cream of the crop material, but they’re the best the GOP is putting forward right now and Carville is gleefully celebrating that development on national TV whenever he can.
“They have a lot of stupid people that vote in their primaries,” Carville said when asked about the dismal pool of candidates including Blake Masters and Mehmet Oz. “You’re not supposed to say that but it’s an obvious fact. When stupid people vote, do you know who they nominate? Other stupid people. The Republicans have a problem. They’ve got very low-quality people that vote in their primaries and they produce, predictably, very low-quality candidates.”
Carville: They have a lot of stupid people that vote in their primaries. They really do. I’m not really supposed to say that but it’s an obvious fact. But when stupid people vote, you know who they nominate? Other stupid people. pic.twitter.com/HYGYAjPfuY
Carville had even worse insults to lob at DeSantis though, who he thinks is doing a spectacularly terrible job at handling the fallout from Hurricane Ian.
“Suspend your toilet patrols of who’s using which bathroom because none of the toilets are working in Southwest Florida. They’re all backed up,” Carville said. “Forget about Martha’s Vineyard, hire a bunch of buses, go to El Paso, Laredo, Mexicali, and put a sign up that says, ‘We need workers.’ Stop all the stunts you’re doing. You’re going to need immigrants to deal with this. He doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his rear.”
Watch the full takedown below:
“He doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch, or wind his rear.”
Victor Wembanyama, the presumptive No. 1 overall pick for the 2023 NBA Draft, absolutely delighted Tuesday night in Henderson, Nevada. Despite his team’s loss, the 18-year-old Frenchman logged 37 points, five blocks, four rebounds, and one steal, with approximately 200 NBA executes and scouts in attendance.
He buried seven of his 11 triples and particularly dominated the second half, when Metropolitans 92 completed a double-digit comeback to tie the game in the fourth before losing by seven, 122-115, to G League Ignite and Scoot Henderson, the likely No. 2 pick in 2023.
He is considered one of, if not the, preeminent prospects of the past two decades. As such, at least one person around the league expects teams to jockey for draft position unlike anything before to maximize their chances of selecting him next summer.
“Victor distorts basketball reality,” one GM told ESPN on Wednesday. “The tank/trade market will really shift after that showing. It feels like last night will start a race to the bottom like we’ve never seen.”
According to ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski and Jonathan Givony, a GM whose team could hold the 2023 No. 1 pick, told them “[Wembanyama] is a 7-foot-4 [Kevin] Durant who blocks shots — and he’s not even close to what he’s going to be. He will be the most hyped player since LeBron [James].”
Wembanyama dominated Tuesday and will have the chance to do so again Thursday afternoon, when he and Henderson clash again at noon local time inside Dollar Loan Center.
It’s that magical time again when Christian Bale has a new movie coming out and he has zero qualms about being blunt as hell about the acting business (and, of course, himself). While promoting his new film, Amsterdam, Bale took part in a lengthy cover interview for GQ where he opened up about his early acting days and how he admittedly saw the profession as mostly a means to prevent his dad’s house from being repossessed after he fell ill. That financial ambition was around during the time he landed his iconic role in American Psycho, which he only got because he was willing to work for a salary that was the bare legal minimum.
During the course of that discussion, GQ writer Zach Baron noted that Leonardo DiCaprio was briefly cast in the Patrick Batemen role, but ultimately walked away. Baron then asked Bale if it’s true that he lost at least five roles to DiCaprio in just the ’90s, including Titanic, and that’s when The Dark Knight star revealed that every actor is living off of Leo’s table scraps:
Oh, dude. It’s not just me. Look, to this day, any role that anybody gets, it’s only because he’s passed on it beforehand. It doesn’t matter what anyone tells you. It doesn’t matter how friendly you are with the directors. All those people that I’ve worked with multiple times, they all offered every one of those roles to him first. Right? I had one of those people actually tell me that. So, thank you, Leo, because literally, he gets to choose everything he does. And good for him, he’s phenomenal.
Bale, of course, never took losing roles to DiCaprio personally. “Do you know how grateful I am to get any damn thing?” Bale said. “I mean, I can’t do what he does. I wouldn’t want the exposure that he has either. And he does it magnificently.”
Harry Styles has been on his Love On Tour in support of Harry’s House for a while now, which makes it a good time to ask the question: What songs is he playing on the road?
Setlist.fm, the most comprehensive resource for concert setlists available online, has the answer: Per their data (as of October 4), “Kiwi” was been the most-performed song of the tour so far. In a multi-way tie for second are some other recognizable favorites: “Adore You,” “Golden,” “Sign Of The Times,” “Treat People With Kindness,” “Watermelon Sugar,” and One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful.”
As for album representation, songs from Fine Line are getting the most plays, followed by Harry’s House and Harry Styles. Through it all, “Golden” has been the most common song to open the show, while either “Love Of My Life” or “Fine Line” usually close the main set, with “Kiwi” closing the show overall most of the time.
Find Styles’ most played songs on the Love On Tour below, as well as the tour’s average setlist. Check out Styles’ upcoming tour dates here.
1. “Kiwi” (90 performances)
T2. “Adore You” (88)
T2. “Golden” (88)
T2. “Sign Of The Times” (88)
T2. “Treat People With Kindness” (88)
T2. “Watermelon Sugar” (88)
T2. “What Makes You Beautiful” (One Direction song) (88)
T8. “Canyon Moon” (65)
T8. “Lights Up” (65)
T10. “As It Was” (46)
T10. “Cinema” (46)
T10. “Daylight” (46)
T10. “Keep Driving” (46)
T10. “Late Night Talking” (46)
T10. “Love Of My Life” (46)
T10. “Matilda” (46)
T10. “Music for A Sushi Restaurant” (46)
T10. “Satellite” (46)
T19. “Carolina” (42)
T19. “Cherry” (42)
T19. “Falling” (42)
T19. “Fine Line” (42)
T19. “Only Angel” (42)
T19. “She” (42)
T25. “Sunflower, Vol. 6” (40)
T25. “Woman” (40)
27. “Medicine” (24)
T28. “Boyfriends” (23)
T28. “Daydreaming” (23)
T28. “Little Freak” (23)
31. “Happy Birthday” (Mildred J. Hill And Patty Hill cover) (21)
32. “To Be So Lonely” (9)
T33. “Ever Since New York” (1)
T33. “No Hard Feelings” (Wolf Alice cover) (1)
T33. “Over The Rainbow” (Harold Arlen cover) (1)
T33. “Se telefonando” (Mina cover) (1)
T33. “Toxic” (Britney Spears cover) (1)
1. “Golden”
2. “Adore You”
3. “Daylight”
4. “She”
5. “Keep Driving”
6. “Music For A Sushi Restaurant”
7. “Matilda”
8. “Cinema”
9. “Satellite”
10. “Lights Up”
11. “Canyon Moon”
12. “Treat People With Kindness”
13. “What Makes You Beautiful” (One Direction song)
14. “Late Night Talking”
15. “Love Of My Life”
16. “Sign Of The Times” (encore)
17. “Watermelon Sugar” (encore)
18. “As It Was” (encore)
19. “Kiwi” (encore)
The individual members of The xx have been quite busy as of late. Oliver Sim released his debut solo album, Hideous Bastard, last month. Romy Madley Croft has been fostering her solo project as Romy, making festival appearances and appearing on a recent Fred Again.. track. And Jamie xx — who has developed easily the biggest profile of the London trio — has been touring the world atop festival bills and just released his latest track, “Kill Dem” last month as well.
But in a recent interview on Consequence’s Kyle Meredith With… podcast, Sim opened up about future plans for The xx and elaborated that even though the group has been focused on solo careers lately, “more music from The xx” is in fact coming soon. A new album would follow up 2017’s I See You.
He said, “The xx will always be my home and will always be my priority. And normally I wouldn’t speak for Romy and Jamie, but I know they feel the same. I think all of us doing our solo projects just makes me excited. It’s like, how is this gonna change the band? What have we all learned independently? And nothing is recorded at the moment, but there is more music from The xx, definitely.”
The band are clearly still very close, as The xx’s official Instagram account frequently featured photos of the three together. When Sim’s album dropped, they were all together to help him celebrate.
Now let’s see if they can make it back into the studio together…
Listen: my editor, Steve? He has a lot of ideas. Often I’m not thrilled about having to carry them out. And coming off the success of our experiment to find the best way to cook a hot dog, he wondered, “what about mustard?”
I had to admit that it made a sick sort of sense. If we were going to spend hours trying to rank the best hot dogs (I would’ve called it a “franking”), and then the best way to cook said hot dogs, surely we could devote some time to finding the best version of the most popular hot dog condiment to put on the dogs, right?
Sure, but there are so many mustards. Dijon mustard, brown mustard, deli-style mustard, English mustard, Chinese mustard… the list goes on. I haven’t even gotten to the flavored ones yet. So I decided to limit this tasting to yellow, American-style mustards — presumably the go-to mustard for American-style hot dogs (yellow mustard is also great in tuna salad, on a Cuban sandwich, in deviled eggs). Yet even narrowing the search down to just one style, I still found 18 different versions of American-style mustard. The USA may not lead the world in life expectancy, quality of life, or vacation time, but damned if you can’t find a wealth of condiments here.
18 iterations is a lot to taste of anything but especially in a category as narrow as “yellow mustard.” To a certain extent, they all tasted… pretty much the same. But they’re also a bit like anything else you might sample 18 iterations of. At first, they seem indistinguishable, and then you sample a few, and pretty quickly you find that you have favorites and least favorites just like with anything else.
The Test
Vince Mancini
As much as I sort of wanted to, I didn’t dip hot dogs in any of these or test them with food, because that only confuses the issue when you’re trying to evaluate for sight, smell, and taste. So I just ate plain mustard off a spoon. It was a little weird, but not that weird. It’s not like I was gulping down full tablespoons, just sampling.
For what it’s worth, I didn’t really have anything I was “looking for” in a mustard, I kind of just went in open to any possibilities and chose my favorite. Not surprisingly, they were a lot more similar than they were different. They all had a combination of mustard seed and white vinegar, with a few spices thrown in for good measure — commonly turmeric and paprika (as much for color as anything else), with the occasional garlic product, outliers like cinnamon or nutmeg, and the ever-mysterious “natural flavors and spices.”
My reactions were always more about balance than anything else — there’s no secret magic ingredient you can look for and know the mustard is going to be good, as far as I could tell.
The Lineup:
Trader Joe’s Organic Yellow Mustard
French’s Creamy Yellow Mustard Spread
365 Organic Yellow Mustard
Good & Gather Organic Yellow Mustard
Signature Select Fat Free Traditional Yellow Mustard
True Made Foods Yellow Mustard With Hidden Veggies
Market Pantry Yellow Mustard
O Organics Yellow Mustard
Suzie’s Organic Yellow Mustard
Great Value Organic Yellow Mustard
French’s True Organics Classic Yellow Mustard
Sunny Select Yellow Mustard
Sprouts Creamy Yellow Mustard
Sir Kensington’s Yellow Mustard
Trader Joe’s Dill Pickle Mustard
Heinz Yellow Mustard
Great Value Yellow Mustard
Sprouts Organic Creamy Yellow Mustard
18. True Made Foods Yellow Mustard With Hidden Veggies (Sample 14)
This one is more of an orange-yellow. On the nose, it’s not as vinegary and pungent as some of the others. It feels like there might be… a veggie note in there? Carrot, maybe? Yeah, this is definitely earthy tasting, like carrots/beets/turmeric. Turmeric might account for the orangeness. I’m not a fan; this is just bitter where it should be bracing.
Rating: 3/10
Bottom Line:
This is the kind of tasting that makes a person doubt their senses many times, but I now feel good and confident in my ability to detect “hidden” veggies. Honestly, how much mustard are you eating for the minuscule quantities of veggies here to have any effect on your diet? This must be a product for those people with the kind of brain disorder where they can only eat corndogs or whatever.
As long as you’re using yellow mustard in normal yellow mustard situations I think you can safely skip this one and get you some regular yellow mustard.
This one is a lighter yellow, more towards that Grey Poupon color than yellow or brown mustard. On the nose, more towards the mustard seed than vinegar spectrum. This comes on nice and vinegary, but there’s an earthy note at the end that I don’t like at all. You’re not supposed to eat yellow mustard raw, sure, but I also don’t ever hear people say “I want to like this mustard, but it’s just not bitter enough.”
Rating:
3.5/10
Bottom Line:
This one lists turmeric as the fifth ingredient, which may explain the bitterness. Presumably, you add turmeric more for the color than the flavor, and maybe this one overdid it? For 65-cent mustard, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted. And given turmeric’s supposed anti-inflammatory qualities, that at least makes more sense than “hidden veggies.”
Maybe double down on the turmeric and advertise it that way? Dunno, just spitballin’ here.
This is slightly darker, with some speckles. On the nose, I’m 90% sure this is the dill pickle one because it smells just like dill pickles. I’m pretty sure I’m right about that so I’m going to proceed as such. It definitely tastes exactly like what it says it is — pickles and mustard. If you want that, great. I feel like I’d rather just eat the pickle than this.
Pickles crunch. “Pickle flavor” is mostly just salt.
Rating:
4/10
Bottom Line:
This is technically flavored mustard, and it only snuck in here because I didn’t notice when I grabbed it off the shelf. Anyway, this is good at being what it says it is, I’m just not sure what it says it is is a thing the world needs. It’s never going to replace actual pickles for me, because, like I said, the crunch/fresh element of a pickle is like 80% of why I would ever put pickles on anything.
This lacks that. And so… why? But hey, whatever tickles your pickle, I guess.
This one doesn’t spread out as much, there’s some body there. It’s a very shiny, bright yellow. There’s a powderiness to this one, where you can sense the actual mustard powder more on the tongue. There’s something else in there too — I think. I saw turmeric on the labels of one of these, that might be it. Something root-y? I don’t know that it makes it “better” tasting though.
There’s a sightly bitter note at the end (albeit really slight). I like the way this looks more than it tastes.
Rating:
6/10
Bottom Line:
Being the obnoxious snob that I am, Sir Kensington’s packaging and price tag always appealed to me. Gimme that top hat shit, none of that riff-raff peasant mustard for my tube steak, oh no no. I always wondered if the stuff inside matched the packaging, and, well, I guess I found out.
This is an ever-so-slightly orangier yellow, with a decent amount of body. The nose is weirdly weak, but there’s definitely white vinegar in there. On the palate, this one has a nice sharp “sting” to it, but a slightly bitter aftertaste. Meh.
Rating:
6/10
Bottom Line:
It’s very cheap and tastes like what it is. On the one hand, it’s not that much worse than the ones at the top of the list, but on the other, it’s not that much cheaper either. I’m okay paying one dollar more for something just a smidge better.
This one clearly has the most body. It coils without settling, which is slightly… unnerving? On the nose, it’s sweet and vinegary. On the palate, this one definitely lacks some of the vinegary bite of some of the others. It doesn’t hit you in the cheeks in the same way. It’s definitely a deliberate choice and while I’m sure there’s a use for it, I kind of miss the tang? Mustard ain’t right unless it’s got that bite, baby.
Rating:
7/10
Bottom Line:
What I missed in this one, the more vinegary bite, is actually the selling point of these new “creamy” style mustard spreads. Like I said above, it’s fine but I like more bite. I don’t necessarily need my mustard to be creamy, that’s what mayo is for. Maybe this is for the mayo haters.
12. Signature Select Fat Free Traditional Yellow Mustard (Sample 13)
Bright vivid yellow, sort of a full-bodied purée texture. Again, pretty hard to detect much on the nose beyond white vinegar. This is tangy, with a nice vinegar balance, though there’s a little bit of an aftertaste of something I don’t love.
Rating:
7/10
Bottom Line:
The majority of these entries came in around a seven rating — being good but not great. This is fine if one of the better options isn’t available.
This one is brighter in color and creamier in texture. The vinegar on the nose is there, but softer somehow. This one is on the sweeter/more vinegary side. Less pungent, but thinner somehow. It’s fine.
This one is a darker yellow (for a yellow mustard), and ever so slightly grainy in texture. The nose is very vinegar/mustardy (duh), not much else detectable. On the palate, it has a nice sweet tang, with maybe a little savory note in there. Tastes like… mustard.
Rating:
7.25/10
Bottom Line:
I’m definitely not making a special trip to Trader Joe’s for the mustard, but if you’re already there this one is perfectly passable.
Smooth and shiny in appearance, a medium yellow. The nose is vinegar-heavy. I like the vinegar/mustard balance on this one, though it’s hard to articulate why. It feels… I don’t know, balanced (I am very smart).
There is a vague vegetable oil note to this one though.
Rating:
7.25/10
Bottom Line:
Again, a very fine if unspectacular yellow mustard that is perfect if you are already in a Sprouts. It doesn’t actually list oil in the ingredients, so I don’t know what I was tasting there.
This one is darker, almost brown. Fuller bodied but with less structure than a few of them. Very vinegary on the nose. On the palate, it’s again, very vinegar-heavy, leaving less room for the mustard seed. I kind of like it though, it gives it a nice kick.
Rating:
7.5/10
Bottom Line:
This is a perfectly cromulent mustard if you happen to be in a Whole Foods.
This is a very gold yellow, smooth in texture with medium body. Standard vinegar/mustard nose, not super strong. This is sweet on the palate, not as bracing and sharp as some, but not earthy or bitter either. Standard.
Rating:
7.5/10
Bottom Line:
This is a lot more expensive than its non-organic Great Value brother, and it turns out, tastes a lot better too. That doesn’t always happen, but it’s nice when things make sense. Makes a man feel whole.
This one is a slightly darker yellow, smooth, but seems to have more body to it. On the nose it isn’t very pungent, seems more mustardy than vinegary. On the palate, this one has another flavor in there, something more umami to cut the tang. I’m not sure what it is though because it’s… you know, mustard.
From my notes: “Less sharp.”
Rating:
7.5/10
Bottom Line:
The ingredients include vinegar, water, mustard seed, salt, turmeric, paprika, the same basic stuff as all the others, so I don’t know what I thought I was tasting in there. This one has probably the most generic packaging of all the mustards and yet it almost snuck into the top five. Books, covers, etc. Never judge a condiment by its packaging, always read the article on Uproxx.com first.
5. Good & Gather Organic Yellow Mustard (Sample 12)
Another fuller-bodied one, still yellow but inching ever so slightly towards the browner end of the spectrum, at least for yellow mustards. On the nose it smells like… yep, white vinegar. On the palate, this one has a nice balance. It’s sharp without bitter notes while giving me a sense of the mustard powder too.
Good, but also hard to distinguish between the other good ones. It’s ever so slightly chalky.
Rating:
7.75/10
Bottom Line:
Pretty solid mustard for a Target store brand. Definitely pick up one of these next time you’re buying t-shirts to paint in or diapers or detergent or replacement iphone cables or dog food or whatever.
This one is medium to orange-y yellow, and some of the thickest. It’s very full-bodied and extremely smooth on the surface, like soft-serve ice cream. There’s some very bracing white vinegar on the nose, in a pleasing way. On the palate it tastes… like good solid yellow mustard. Is there a vague citrus in this? It’s not bad necessarily, but there’s a lemony note in there.
Rating:
8.25/10
Bottom Line:
I don’t see any citrus in the ingredients, so I don’t know what exactly I was tasting there (citrus and vinegar can be pretty similar) but again, anything in the top five here is definitely worth picking up.
This one doesn’t spread much. It’s light goldenrod in color. Very vinegary on the nose and nicely pungent. There’s a strong sense of mustard powder on the tongue — this is mustardy mustard, if I can say that, which I like.
Rating:
8.5/10
Bottom Line:
Those condiment kings at Heinz have done it again! Honestly, I always sort of assumed Heinz was popular because of that easy name and handsome packaging, so it’s interesting to see it take third in a blind taste test. All the ingredients are basically the same as everything else, though it does list “natural flavors and spices,” which is a little cryptic.
Bright vibrant yellow, very smooth in texture, medium body. Looks basically like what I think of when I imagine what a yellow mustard looks like. Pungent white vinegar/mustard on the nose. Again, exactly what I’d imagine. On the palate, this one hits me right in the cheeks with the vinegar, but on the palate I mostly get mustard. It’s not too harsh or bitter… Mostly feels like the platonic ideal of mild yellow mustard.
Rating:
9/10
Bottom Line:
There were three “creamy” style yellow mustards in the competition, including a French’s creamy mustard spread and this one’s non-organic brother, neither of which ranked as highly as this one. Both the Sprouts versions look basically the same, ingredients-wise, other than one being organic, while the French’s has canola oil and garlic powder. Now you can regale someone at a cocktail party with this information. You’re welcome!
Anyway, this was good mustard.
1. Suzie’s Organic Yellow Mustard (Sample 17)
Vince Mancini
Price: $3.29 for eight ounces at Sprouts or SaveMart.
Vince Mancini
Original Notes:
This is the first or second thickest of the bunch, it didn’t settle really at all. The exterior is slightly grainy and it’s medium yellow. Vinegar and mustard on the nose. On the palate, there’s a pleasing sharpness and a mix of sweet and vinegar. It tastes quite good, actually, with a nice balance.
Something about this makes me want to go back and have more.
Rating:
9.5/10
Bottom Line:
It’s rare that this happens, but the mustard with arguably the nicest-looking packaging takes this round. The only outlier ingredient in this one is “dehydrated garlic,” which I didn’t detect when I was smelling or tasting, but I suppose does track as that ineffable “something extra” that made this one just a little bit better than the others.
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