Each week our staff of film and TV experts surveys the entertainment landscape to select the ten best new/newish movies available for you to stream at home. We put a lot of thought into our selections, and our debates on what to include and what not to include can sometimes get a little heated and feelings may get hurt, but so be it, this is an important service for you, our readers. With that said, here are our selections for this week.
Jerrod Carmichael is having a moment, garnering all the praise for his revealing and powerful HBO special (Rothaniel, watch it again!), a great turn as SNL host, and now, for the release of his festival fave narrative directorial debut, On The Count Of Three. But, of course, you knew Carmichael was a force from his previous specials and The Carmichael Show. You’re just happy to see everyone else catch up and, with this film, get the chance to see Carmichael flex his dramatic muscles opposite Christopher Abbott as two friends trying to get the most out of the last moments before they execute each other as a part of a suicide pact. Track it down on your VOD service of choice.
Everybody clap your hands for Cha Cha Real Smooth, the second feature from writer and director Cooper Raiff. He also stars in the comedy-drama as a recent college graduate with an aimless life until he finds a job (bar/bat mitzvah “party starter”) and friends (a suburban mom played by Dakota Johnson and her autistic teenage daughter). It sounds like Indie Movie Trope Overload, but Cha Cha Real Smooth is a real charmer, with a heartfelt performance from Johnson. Watch it on Apple TV Plus.
10. (tie) Jerry and Marge Go Large (Paramount Plus)
PARAMOUNT PLUS
Bryan Cranston and Annette Bening play a married couple who discover a loophole in the state lottery and use it to win millions and millions of dollars. There should be more movies like this. Hundreds of them, probably. But this is a good start. Watch it on Paramount Plus.
The setting: a summer conversion camp run by a group of weirdos. The villain: Kevin Bacon, a camp counselor hoping to scare the gay out of a bunch of Queer kids. The plot: a murderer on a killing rampage deep in the woods who’s targeting a bunch of kids questioning their identity thanks to the out-of-touch adults in their lives. In other words, this is your worst Gen Z nightmare. Watch it on Peacock.
8. Beavis and Butt-Head Do The Universe (Paramount Plus)
PARAMOUNT
Beavis and Butt-head debuted on MTV something like 30 years ago and is still, somehow, against truly staggering odds, still going strong, with this movie sending them to the cosmos and other projects in the works down the line, too. It’s good news, to be sure, but please do imagine telling someone from like 1997 that these two would still be around in 2022 and would be going to space. It would be almost as shocking as the thing where time travel was apparently invented. Watch it on Paramount Plus.
Billy Porter directs a sweet coming-of-age story centered around a trans high school senior named Kelsa who is attempting to navigate… well, all of that. It’s all very sweet and very heartfelt and very Gen Z and it could make for some nice weekend movie if you’re feeling up for a little cry. Who isn’t, sometimes, you know? Watch it on Amazon Prime.
Bob’s Burgers creator Loren Bouchard insisted on The Bob’s Burgers Movie getting a theatrical release instead of being plopped directly on streaming. He was right to do so: The Bob’s Burgers Movie is, like the show itself, an absolute delight with lovely animation, fun fan service, and catchy songs (it’s also Disney’s first hand-drawn 2D animated movie in over a decade). If you didn’t catch it in theaters, however, you can now enjoy “Sunny Side Up Summer” at home. Might I suggest pairing it with an Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Zucchini Burger. Watch it on Hulu.
The Gray Man is: Trash-staches. Ryan Gosling as a himbo assassin. Psychotic Chris Evans. A spy thriller. An on-the-run adventure. Trains. Butt-shots. Ana de Armas with a bob cut. And action courtesy of the Russo brothers. In other words, The Gray Man is a hell of a good time and a worthy blockbuster movie night for those wanting to stay on the couch. Watch it on Netflix.
4. I Love My Dad (VOD)
MAGNOLIA
A cringe comedy about the (sometimes desperate) quest for intimacy and connection in the age of social media casts Patton Oswalt as a father trying to stay in his adult son’s life by catfishing him. Hilarity and therapy inspo surely ensue in this festival fave from writer/director James Morosini, who also stars as the son who oh so willingly falls for the well-meaning con. If you’ve loved Oswalt in other indie-flavored films like Big Fan and Young Adult where he gets to flash his acting chops, this should be exactly what you’re looking for. Watch it on VOD..
John Lasseter helped build Pixar into a dominant animation brand and now he’s trying to bring the same magic to Apple with Luck, a movie about an unlucky young girl who goes on a whimsical adventure to try to turn her fortunes around. It’s got the starpower (Simon Pegg, Jane Fonda, Pixar staple John Ratzenberger) and the financial backing from Apple, so the big question remaining is whether it has the same spark as those other films he created a few decades ago. Only one way to find out. Watch it on Apple TV Plus.
There’s truly an abundance of Princess Diana onscreen takes lately. These have been largely dramatized versions with The Crownsh*tting on the fairy tale and Kristen Stewart really going for it. Now, there’s a new documentary approach that aims to explore why the world was (and continues to be) so obsessed with Shy Di. Cameras followed her throughout courtship with Prince Charles and all the way to divorce, and then came the most tragic developments at all, and the film asks us to really consider the role of the public and the press in Diana’s ultimate fate.
The Predator franchise was desperate for a new vision following the lackluster response to, well, every Predator movie since 1990’s Predator 2. Enter: Prey. The Hulu film follows a Comanche warrior (played by Amber Midthunder) who has to protect her tribe from an alien predator. Prey gets back to what made the original Predator a classic — and thankfully ignores everything that made Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem unwatchable. Watch it on Hulu.
Earlier today (August 12), it was reported that Michelle Branch was taken into custody early Thursday morning (August 11) for domestic violence against her husband and The Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney. The physical altercation occurred under an hour after the singer tweeted that Carney was unfaithful to her with his manager while she was taking care of their six-month-old baby. Though the situation is far from humorous, Twitter remained true to its nature of finding the joke in serious situations by resurfacing a Justin Bieber tweet where he had the same idea as Branch.
the black keys drummer should be slapped around haha
In the 2013 tweet, the “Peaches” singer said, “the black keys drummer should be slapped around hahaha.” Their beef at the time was centered around Carney making a snarky remark about Bieber’s exclusion from that year’s Grammys, saying “I dunno, he’s rich, right? Grammys are for, like, music, not for money. […] He’s making a lot of money. He should be happy.” That quote led to the aforementioned tweet and Bieber’s loyal fan base flooding his mentions.
As for Branch, Page Six reports she was released from custody late Thursday (August 11) after posting $1,000 bail. Branch is set to appear at a hearing on November 7 under a charge of domestic assault by offensive/provocative conduct.
Check out Bieber’s tweet above.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Steven Seagal has never made a secret of his deep and abiding love of all things Russia. The former action star, who spent much of the early ’90s kicking ass, was even granted Russian citizenship in 2016, then named Russia’s special envoy to the U.S. two years later — a role which he recently tried to back out of due to the escalating tensions between the U.S. and Russia. Whether or not he was officially taken off special envoy duty is unclear, as the Above the Law star recently showed up in Ukraine to spread some bullsh*t about president Volodymyr Zelenskyy’s attempts to silence a “Nazi” being held at a prison in Donetsk. And on Thursday, he appeared on Russian state TV to report on what he saw while visiting the now-destroyed Olenivka prison.
Meanwhile in Russia: Moscow’s mouthpieces pulled out what they see as one of their big guns, Steven Seagal. Here are some highlights from his state TV appearance tonight, where he was spreading Kremlin propaganda like there’s no tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/cDCKHfI2Vb
First of all: For someone who spends so much time palling around with Vladimir Putin, it’s odd that he doesn’t seem to speak a lick of the language. But we digress.
When asked to describe the kind of destruction he saw in Donetsk, Seagal explained:
I’ve been sort of studying this conflict closely, and noticed that it’s probably the most astronomical compilation of fake news that I’ve ever seen in my life. Then I started investigating and realized that about 98 percent of the reporting about Ukraine is done by people who’ve never been there. The information they’re receiving is from troll farms, and they don’t even know what the source is. And not just troll farms — even major outlets, they get this stuff and just circulate it. It’s so maddening.
Seagal went on to explain an epiphany he had, which he shared with the foreign minister: “Fake news is more dangerous than nuclear missiles.”
Hmmmm….
The Bearded One explained what he meant by that, which is a good thing, because it really did require some additional context. But Seagal’s point was that if you “really proliferate fake news to the point that people in your nation have no idea what the truth is, that means that their hearts and minds could be led into anything.”
Like, say, appearing on Russian television to be a mouthpiece for one of the world’s most dangerous tyrants.
When Jay-Z said that Beyonce is a rider in “03 Bonnie & Clyde,” apparently, he wasn’t exaggerating — at least, according to 50 Cent, who shared a shocking anecdote about the “Break My Soul” singer’s willingness to stick up for her man on The Breakfast Club. According to 50, all three of them were in Las Vegas when 50 went to greet Jay. Instead, he found himself facing a confrontational Beyonce, who was ready to fight over the jabs 50 had sent at Jay in his 1999 breakthrough single “How To Rob.”
“She was on, like, a window sill,” he recalled. “She jumped out, she was like [makes a confrontational face]. I’m like, ‘Wait, what is you doing? That’s me and Jay-Z’s stuff, this ain’t got nothing to do with you, girl.’ She jumped off the ledge. I was like, ‘Oh, sh*t!’ I didn’t really know what to do. It was one of those situations where you were like, ‘Woah!’ If you say this to Jay, he’ll look at you and go, ‘Nah, that happened.’”
He elaborated that Bey’s energy threw him off because he and Jay are used to going back-and-forth as rappers, but she took their shots far more seriously. “She came like she was ready!” he continued. “Like something was gonna happen! And I’m like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa.’ She throwing me off now ’cause I don’t know exactly how to respond to this. You are still Beyoncé. She brought all of the sexy over with that energy jumping off… ‘Cause really I’m just saying what’s up. But she’s feeling my energy come over because we do say things about each other — it’s a competitive nature, that’s it!”
Fortunately, things didn’t escalate any further, and since then, 50 and Jay have maintained what looks to be a fond friendship. However, 50 also thanks his lucky stars that Beyonce didn’t have backup: “If Solange was there, I would’ve had to reboot! Solange was popping in that elevator like it was nothing.”
A case of mistaken identity could lead to the next Lara Croft.
While appearing on The Tonight Show earlier this week, Emily the Criminal and Parks and Recreation star Aubrey Plaza told Jimmy Fallon about director Edgar Wright seeing her on the cover of MovieMaker magazine, and how he mistook her for the Tomb Raider hero. “My friend, Edgar Wright, actually saw that and texted me and said, ‘You’re the new Lara Croft? You’re the new Tomb Raider?’… And I was like, ‘No Edgar, that’s my movie Emily the Criminal. He genuinely thought I was cast as the new Tomb Raider.”
That dream casting hasn’t happened, but there is an opening after it was reported that 2018’s Tomb Raider star Alicia Vikander won’t reprise her role as Lara Croft due to some Hollywood “feeding frenzy” shenanigans. Would Plaza be interested?
“Look, I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I love it,” she told Newsweek. “It was so funny when he texted me that because I didn’t realize how strikingly similar those photos are. Emily is carrying a purse strap and Lara Croft has a gun holster, those are very different. But it’s very weird and totally accidental, but I’ll take it.” Plaza loves action movies and doesn’t “discriminate against big movies or small movies. I love all kinds of movies. I would love it if somehow that turned into a real thing, but who knows, I have no idea. That’s an iconic character. She’s the original badass.”
If the Tomb Raider thing doesn’t work out, here’s another idea: let Plaza play Samus, who predates Lara Croft by 10 years, in a Metroid movie.
There is a lot going on in the superhero world. Marvel is over in one corner mapping out their next decade or so of releases, while in the other corner, DC has already axed their 2022 Batgirl release and seems to be scrambling to keep up with Marvel’s jam-packed schedule.
Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav has made it clear that he is shifting focus for the DC universe, and restructuring a plan similar to Marvel Studios CEO Kevin Feige‘s “phases” (Marvel is currently wrapping up Phase Four). The aim is to “reset” the DC film timeline and bring in some fresh new faces and stories, like Lady Gaga in the new Joker installment, which may or may not be a musical?
But Joker: Folie A Deux is currently the only movie in development since the Warner Bros Discovery merger. There are several other movies DC has lined up, including Shazam! Fury Of The Gods, Dwayne Johnson’s Black Adam which is still slated to hit theaters in October, and, of course, Jason Momoa in the latest Aquaman installment. Then there is the Ezra Miller problem.
Despite being arrested in Hawaii, getting accused of holding a family captive on a remote farm in Vermont, allegedly grooming multiple minors, and most recently being charged with burglary, Miller has still allegedly been shooting scenes for The Flash all summer. That movie, somehow, is still slated to be released next summer, assuming Miller stays out of jail. If DC decides not to move forward with that, it will have a bigger (and more expensive) problem on its hands.
Other potential films on the DC horizon include a sequel to Matt Reeves’ Batman, though no sequel has been greenlit as of right now. Of course, there is Wonder Woman 3 and the next Superman adaptation in the works, but both have been stuck in development and there is no production news about them moving forward.
Initially, DC wanted to follow in Marvel’s footsteps and create a series of streaming shows to introduce characters and then bring them to the big screen, but they seem to have abandoned that idea in favor of focusing on big-budget movies.
Right now, it seems like DC is sitting in limbo trying to map out its next move, though they don’t have anyone to take the reigns. Walter Hamada has been in charge of DC Films since 2018, though according to reports, the producer nearly resigned after Batgirl got shelved. He will stay on with the company until Black Adam, but who really knows what the future of DC will be after that?
Unpeated single malt whisky is a big gateway to Scotch whisky for a lot of American whiskey drinkers. The sweet malts are a little more familiar and welcoming than some of the peat monsters from Scotland, which are often brimming with medicinal, iodine, and ashtray notes (to name but a few).
Unpeated malt tends to lean more toward orchard fruits, dark sugars, honey, florals, and so much more, but always leans sweeter. To underscore those softer notes, I decided to blind taste test some delicious, new, and classic unpeated Scotch single malt whiskies.
When I say “unpeated” malt, I’m talking about whiskies made with malted barley that were malted with a neutral heat source that did not impart any phenols or roasty flavors during the process. On the flip side, “peated” malt is malted barley that’s made by using fresh or dried peat from a bog as the heat source, smoking the barley to halt germination and imparting various levels of phenols (smoked flavor notes) into the grain. From there, the unpeated or peated malted barley is fermented with yeasts and local water before double distillation and aging — but we don’t need to get into all of that today.
The gist of this blind tasting is to find a bottle that you might like. This is all about subtle flavors and familiar flavor profiles (if you’re already into bourbon or rye). I’ve chosen some average bottles, some high-end killers, and some one-offs to give a small but wide berth of options.
Our lineup today is:
Bruichladdich Bere Barley 2011 Aged 10 Years
The GlenDronach Cask Strength Batch 10
The Balvenie PortWood Aged 21 Years
GlenAllachie Aged 15 Years
The Glenrothes Whisky Maker’s Cut
Speyburn Arranta Casks
Let’s dive in and find you a great bottle for your weekend pour(s)!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Scotch Whisky Posts of The Last Six Months
The nose opens with a light graininess that leads to a whisper of barnyard funk before orange oils, orchard fruit, and a hint of mint round things out. The palate has a warm maltiness with a twinge of mint chocolate chip, spiced caramel sauce, sweet raisins, and maybe some Irish soda bread with a tiny bit of butter. The end is on the sweet side with a rock candy vibe next to soft spice and a hint of orchard fruit.
This is a pretty nice start. It’s a little grainy but very drinkable.
Taste 2
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Backporch wicker vibes with soft prunes and spicy holiday cake with a clove focus next to soft sultanas and berries with an echo of dead fall leaves lurking underneath it all. The palate leans into the holiday cake with a matrix of ginger sharpness, cinnamon, nutmeg, candied fruits and citrus peels, and a roasted nuttiness with a hint of dates and black tea with soft toffee drizzle just touched with salt. The end leans back into that wicker from the nose with a supple sense of toffee-covered shortbread and stewed plums.
This is just straight-up delicious. I don’t even care that it’s summer and this is wintry, it’s that good.
Taste 3
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Soft and juicy pear slowly turns into pear skins and stems on the nose as hints of dried roses, white peaches, and sour cherry tobacco round things out. The taste is lush with tart berries next to warming spiced malts (think clove and anise) with a slight buttery vibe that’s kind of like a pain au chocolat with sweet chocolate and a few specks of almond. The end leans into toffee apple candies with a leathery vibe connected to soft sour cherry tobacco with a whisper of overripe pear lurking at the end.
This is also delicious. These last two pours are going to be hard to beat.
Taste 4
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Apple juice slowly boils down to a cinnamon-spiced apple sauce on the nose as a hint of dry firewood sneaks in. The palate is part warm malts and part sweet orchard fruit with a hint of burnt orange and more of the dry wood. The end is light but carries a hint of warm spice and sweet fruits.
This is nice but a little too one-note and indistinct to really stand out in this tasting panel.
Taste 5
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
The nose bursts forth with butterscotch. Once that fades, hints of worn leather, orange peels, and nutmeg mix underneath that butterscotch nose. The palate is nutmeg-forward with a spicy orange zest kissed with dark chocolate and vanilla. The end feels a bit like eggnog laced with orange zest and vanilla with a spicy warmth.
That butterscotch nose was a lot. There were a lot of nice notes beyond that though.
Taste 6
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Pear candy and honey lead the way on the nose toward woody spices, light leather, and a hint of sour apple skins and stems. The palate is sweet and malty with a drive from pear flesh to pit, skin, and tree with floral honey and wet coconut leading to a hint of creamy vanilla sauce dusted with cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. The end leans into pears soaked in honey and nutmeg with a hint of old porch wicker and worn leather gloves on the finish.
This is pretty damn nice. It’s a little simple (a lot of honey and pear) but really good for what(ever) it is.
The bulbous bottle from The Glenrothes is all about the sherry. The expression spends an undisclosed amount of years in first-fill sherry casks. When those barrels are just right, the whisky is then batched and vatted before being proofed down only slightly.
Bottom Line:
I just couldn’t get past that big butterscotch nose, I guess. That said, this is a solid gateway single malt, especially if you’re into butterscotch. I’d recommend serving it a highball with plenty of ice and fizzy water to help that butterscotch turn creamier toward toffee and caramel though.
This Speyside single malt is aged in ex-Oloroso and Pedro Ximenez sherry casks for, you guessed it, 15 years. Those barrels are selected for their distinct flavor profile and vatted, proofed, and bottled without filtering.
Bottom Line:
This was pretty nice overall but stayed a little one-note with the apple vibe. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazingly drinkable but not very arresting for your senses.
4. Bruichladdich Bere Barley 2011 Aged 10 Years — Taste 1
The whisky in the bottle is hewn from Bere Barley grown up on the Orkney Islands by five different farmers for Bruichladdich. That grain is sent to Islay where the team at Bruichladdich creates this one-of-a-kind whisky after aging the hot juice for 10 years on the wind-swept island.
Bottom Line:
Again, this was really nice overall. It had a twinge of graininess that felt “young” but not off-putting by any stretch. Still, I’d likely use this more for cocktails than sipping.
Arranta translates to “bold” and this whisky leans into that. The juice is aged for an undisclosed amount of time in first-fill ex-bourbon casks (that means this whisky was the first thing to go into those casks after they were emptied of bourbon). Those barrels were then vatted, proofed, and bottled without filtration.
Bottom Line:
This was really good. It wasn’t one-note but it was dialed into a clear flavor profile. It was also just really easy to drink. This feels like both a good on the rocks pour and a great cocktail base.
This masterfully crafted expression from The Balvenie takes some serious time. The whisky is initially aged for 21 years in ex-bourbon casks. It’s then transferred to small port pipes, which held port in Portugal for 30 long years. That’s a long, long time, creating some very rare and well-seasoned oak. That whisky is then vatted in The Balvenie’s special old wooden tuns (large basins) for a spell before bottling as-is.
Bottom Line:
As I mentioned above, this is delicious. There’s really not much more to say. The only reason it’s not number is that it wasn’t quite as deep and nuanced as the next pour but only by a microscopic hair.
1. The GlenDronach Cask Strength Batch 10 — Taste 2
The 10th release from the most-beloved The GlenDronach Cask Strength series is another instant classic. The juice in the bottle is blended by Dr. Rachel Barrie from whisky aged in Pedro Ximénez and Oloroso sherry casks. The whisky is then vatted and bottled as-is with no fussing.
Bottom Line:
This is the bottle you want to hunt down. It was just released in the U.S. in June, so you might be able to find some out there. Trust me, it’s worth it for a great Scotch whisky experience with something unique and delicious.
Part 3: Final Thoughts
Zach Johnston
Overall, this was a good tasting. All of these whiskies had their virtues and there were no losers. If you come across any of these bottles, you’ll be in good shape.
All of that said, the top two are the truly special bottles. The Balvenie PortWood 21 is magic in its own way. The GlenDronach Batch 10 is about as perfect as single malt can get. Both deserve a prominent spot on your bar cart. But if you have to pick only one, get The GlenDronach as it’s a limited edition one-off we won’t see again.
PinkPantheress is undoubtedly one of the most interesting pop stars right now after releasing her idiosyncratic debut album To Hell With It last year and then opening up for Halsey on tour. Today, she teams up with Sam Gellaitry for a new song called “Picture In My Mind.” It’s a clubby track and her vocals glisten as they mesh with Gellaitry’s.
About “Picture In My Mind,” she said, “I went all the way to Stirling Scotland to work with Sam. He is a genius level producer.” Gellaitry added, “After meeting Pink P for the first time in London last year we decided to schedule a trip for her to come to scotland and write. I’m so happy with how this one turned out and it was an honour to witness how much of a visionary Pink Pantheress really is. This track will be my summer anthem for now and many many years to come.”
The video is as creative as the song, taking place in a laundromat with flickering lights not unlike club strobes. The unexpected location, though, makes sense considering PinkPantheress’s knack for using mundane vessels to express weird ideas.
Watch the video for “Picture In My Mind” above.
PinkPantheress is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
In the last few months, Netflix has made headlines for bleeding subscribers and for blowing $200 million on its widely panned attempt at an action franchise starter, Gray Man, starring Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans. Between that and the similarly dull and lame Bullet Train (from Sony), it seems everyone is trying (and failing) to get into the dopey fun action movie game. (See also: Nobody, from 2021).
So when I saw that Netflix’s latest title, Day Shift, was a seemingly cutesy-kitschy action comedy starring Jamie Foxx as a vampire hunter (vampires being arguably the second-laziest pre-fab genre behind zombies), I did not have high hopes. Yet I was pleasantly surprised.
I’m not going to tell you that Day Shift will make waves come awards season or that you’ll still be thinking about it months from now, but it feels far closer to what the makers of Bullet Train, Gray Man, Nobody, et. al. were going for than any of those movies. Which is to say that it’s a silly action comedy where the action is actually fun, the jokes mostly land, and neither detracts from the other. All in all a reasonably fun streamer.
Jamie Foxx plays Bud Jablonski, a name I’m reasonably certain no other Black man has ever had, a San Fernando Valley vampire hunter masquerading as a pool guy. The script, from Tyler Tice and Shay Hatten, sees Jablonski as down on his luck, having been ejected from the vampire hunter’s union and on the verge of having his ex-wife and daughter move away because he can’t afford her school tuition. Within that Liar Liar-esque frame, Jablonski inhabits a world where vampire hunters are a kind of blue-collar necessity, controlling SoCal’s “vamp” population and collecting when they bring in their quarry’s extracted fangs (which are graded and sized, like precious stones). Without the union, Jablonski is reduced to selling his fangs at pawn shop prices to a predatory black marketeer played by Peter Stormare (aka Karl Hungus).
Directed by ex-stunt guy JJ Perry, Day Shift opens with a fight scene that lasts a solid ten minutes of screen time, and to my surprise given the experience with other American action comedies, it was solidly entertaining the whole time. So much stunt work these days is strenuously choreographed and acrobatically performed, but still constrained by arbitrary rules of “realism.” Which is silly, because it isn’t realistic to begin with. We know Liam Neeson and Bob Odenkirk and even Keanu Reeves and anyone who look like them aren’t going to be throwing up flying armbars and spinning back fists in real life, so why make us suspend disbelief just to see them doing fancy MMA moves we’ve already seen? Go further.
Day Shift‘s injection of the supernatural — in the form of vampires that can regenerate body parts and can only be killed by stakes, silver bullets, and beheadings and whatnot — almost by accident adds the room for stylization so recent many stunt-based movies have been missing. It’s not that interesting to watch Jamie Foxx’s stunt double triangle choke people and do fancy pistol work, but throw in some gory beheadings and vampires who crab walk and smash through walls and suddenly it’s a new ball game. Day Shift isn’t RRR, but it’s decently fun.
In his quest to rejoin the union, Jablonski’s friend Big John Elliot, a sort of cowboy pimp played by Snoop Dogg, vouches for him, but the disapproving union boss played by Eric Lange sticks Jablonski with a persnickety union rep (Dave Franco), tasked with burying Jablonski in citations. From there Day Shift becomes a sort of odd couple/buddy cop kind of movie with Foxx and Franco.
The plot is largely utilitarian but it’s grounded in place (the San Fernando Valley) and the joke writing is just clever enough to make it work. To keep the dead vampire musk off of him, which other vampires can apparently smell, Jablonski recommends to Dave Franco’s character a harsh, neon yellow soap to scrub himself with thoroughly. Though, he warns, gravely, “Don’t get it in your butthole.”
Day Shift‘s writing is inventive where most movies like this are merely tedious; its fight choreography stylized where most movies like this are merely competent (B-movie action master Scott Adkins even shows up in a minor role). Is there a lot of character development? No. Could it have been 15 minutes shorter? Probably. Could the villains’ motives have been more clearly conveyed? Sure. But in the context of the recent crop of “fun” action movies, Day Shift is one of the few I’ve seen that actually justifies such billing.
‘Day Shift’ hits Netflix August 12, 2022. Vince Mancini is onTwitter. You can access his archive of reviewshere.
Chicken tenders are fried chicken at its finest. Unlike bone-in fried chicken (OG Fried Chicken, if you will), tenders are simple, dippable, and can be eaten with a single hand, allowing you to enjoy all the wonders of fried chicken without having to deal with the bones, the mess, or tables. And it’s summer baby, the season of road trips and eating outside. Who wants to deal with bones or tables?
I know all the nugget heads are squirming in their chair so let’s address that real fast. The chicken nugget holds a similar advantage to the tender, but the tender has class. Unlike the nugget, the good ones aren’t overly processed, which means that when you bite into a chicken tender there is a chance you’re biting into an actual tenderloin, the long muscle strip located underneath the chicken breast. When you bite into a nugget, you’re essentially eating chicken meal, a collection of tendons, bones, connective tissues, and fat, all ground up and pressed into an arbitrary shape. Sometimes they hit the spot, but the fact remains: it’s f*cking space food.
So in celebration of the greatest fried chicken form factor (an appetizing phrase if we’ve ever heard one), we’ve decided to rank all the fast food chicken tenders in search of the very best. This isn’t the first time we’ve done this, but it’s been nearly two years since our last ranking and there are new birds on the scene. Not to mention that some birds have massively dipped in quality. This ranking reflects the best chicken tenders you can get right now, as well as the best dipping sauces for each. Let’s dip!
14. Del Taco — Crispy Chicken Strips
Del Taco
Tasting Notes:
The absolute worst. For the record, I love Del Taco. I think they do a much better job approximating the flavors of Mexican food than their more popular cousin, Taco Bell. And the chain’s “American Grill” menu is pretty solid too (the burgers taste way better than they should).
But the chicken strips, which are a fairly new addition to the menu, are objectively awful. The batter works more like a sleeve than a breading. You can bite into this chicken and actually pull the sliver of chicken meat out from the fried casing. If that’s not a sign of a bad tender, I don’t know what is. But the horror doesn’t end there. The flavor is also awful, a weird mix of too much salt and not enough pepper, and the texture is rubbery and off-putting.
Best Dipping Sauce:
The trash, only you don’t dip it in, you throw it. And then leave it there.
Sonic’s Crispy Chicken Tenders are akin to your typical cheap frozen chicken fingers, the sort of stuff you’d find in the freezer section of your favorite grocery store. They are, at best, marginally better than the sort of thing you’d make at home because Sonic has deep fryers.
The chicken is super dry with a stringy texture, and the flavor is bland and flour-y with some blunt black pepper notes on the aftertaste.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Sonic’s Signature Sauce. It’s a golden BBQ (honey mustard + smokey BBQ) which isn’t everyone’s thing, but to me, this is the flagship flavor of Sonic. It earns the best dipping sauce pick from us.
The Bottom Line:
The sort of chicken tenders that you NEED sauce to enjoy. Not bad, but forgettable. It’s better to skip or order one of Sonic’s other finger foods, like mozzarella sticks.
Arby’s is a weird place, because they’re pretty good at what they do — Roast Beef sandwiches — so good in fact that if they just focused on that, they’d probably be one of the more respectable fast food chains out there. I’m talking In-N-Out and Chipotle levels of respectability here! Instead, they choose to dilute their brand with all of these sub-par sides that don’t accomplish much beyond wasting menu space. These chicken tenders are just fine, they’re practically interchangeable with Sonic’s. The batter delivers most of the flavor but doesn’t taste like much more than black pepper and flour.
It beats Sonic because the black pepper tastes a little more natural here, it doesn’t have that weird bitter bluntness of Sonic’s.
At least give me a hint of spice, Arby’s! Garlic, onion powder… something. This is sadly another tender you can’t eat without the dipping sauce.
Best Dipping Sauce:
It depends. If you can get your hands on Arby’s Three Pepper Sauce, get that. It’ll easily elevate these chicken tenders up a few ranks. Unfortunately not all Arby’s carry the Three Pepper Sauce, in which case, just go with BBQ. If you’re not down with BBQ, get the classic Arby’s Horsey sauce.
The Bottom Line:
A waste of menu space. If you really want chicken from Arby’s, get the nuggets. They don’t taste any different, but they are smaller, and that’s the best you’re going to get with Arby’s sub-par chicken.
I feel like I spent the entire opening paragraphs of this article praising the culinary wonder that is the chicken tender, and so far we haven’t hit a single chicken tender that I actually like. Unfortunately, we’re a far way away from that still. Dairy has the edge over Sonic and Arby’s because the ratio of chicken to batter is better here.
Dairy Queen’s strips are a lot meatier and the chicken isn’t quite as dry and stringy as Sonic and Arby’s but it’s still nothing to write home about. Luckily Dairy Queen has a special dipping sauce that turns these very bland chicken strips into something actually worth ordering.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Country gravy! It needs to be a standard at every fast food restaurant that sells fried chicken tenders. It adds a savory satisfying quality to each bite. It’s the only way you should ever eat Dairy Queen chicken.
The Bottom Line:
If you’re starving and the only food place for miles is for some reason a Dairy Queen, by all means, get the tenders and dip them in that country gravy! If you have any other options, go there instead.
10. Kentucky Fried Chicken — Nashville Hot Tenders
KFC
Tasting Notes:
Hot chicken is having a moment right now. Hot chicken chain restaurants are popping up everywhere. You’ve got Hattie B’s, Dave’s Hot Chicken, Joella’s, and my personal favorite, LA’s Howlin’ Rays, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that KFC, one of America’s biggest national chicken chains, has taken a stab at the country’s new favorite style of chicken. But KFC needs to stay in its lane.
If you’ve never had Nashville-style hot chicken, these taste fine. They’re smokey, sweet and spicy. But they taste nothing like actual Nashville-style hot chicken. KFC uses way too much vinegar, creating this wet saucy glaze that makes each strip soggy when it should be crispy. The mouthfeel of the sauce is also very oily, so it tastes like something you probably shouldn’t be eating.
Best Dipping Sauce:
No sauce necessary, the glaze is sauce enough.
The Bottom Line:
KFC isn’t just out of its lane with this poor take on Nashville-style chicken, it’s on the wrong side of the damn road.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Jack in the Box’s old chicken strips recipe was delicious. Each strip was unusually flat, like the tender had been pounded out before being fried, but that didn’t matter because the flavor was delicious. A medley of garlic, onion, and pepper flavors, with a crispy batter that housed always tender — albeit thin — bites of chicken. Then sometime in 2019, Jack in the Box launched a spicy chicken tender that had a totally different shape, with meatier strips and a drier texture.
Those spicy strips weren’t good and have since been discontinued, but for some reason, Jack in the Box decided to keep the meatier chicken and now the old strips have been replaced with these… things. They’re awful — dry, salty, and noticeably low quality.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Frank’s Red Hot. It’s not technically a dipping sauce and JiB doesn’t advertise that they have it on the menu, but it’s always there behind the counter and it’ll turn your boring chicken strips into delicious mouthwatering hot strips.
The Bottom Line:
If you’ve had the old Jack in the Box strips, it’s a little hard to get used to these things, but with the right sauce, they’re at least edible.
The first few times I had Carl’s Jr’s Hand-breaded chicken tenders I thought they were amazing. The chicken was juicy and the breading was thick and craggy, the perfect sponge for absorbing sauce. I think those visits might’ve been a lucky fluke though because every time I’ve ordered these in the last year I’ve been disappointed.
Carl’s Jr’s tenders are strangely small, almost more like large nuggets than proper strips. The buttermilk batter is still thick and craggy, but unfortunately, that absorbent quality often ends up absorbing all the oil the chicken was fried in, resulting in chicken that ends up overcooking from the hot oil after it’s been removed from the fryer, leaving you with dried out chicken that isn’t nearly as juicy as you want it to be, with a sour dirty oil after taste.
Best Dipping Sauce:
BBQ sauce. It’s not that Carl’s Jr’s BBQ sauce is particularly good, but the chain doesn’t have very many notable sauces in its roster. This is sadly as exciting as it gets.
The Bottom Line:
Too small, too oily, and almost always over-cooked to the point of being dry.
Burger King’s Chicken Fries are chicken strips at their worst. If you order these hoping for minimally processed white meat chicken, you’re not going to get it here. The texture of the meat is almost sludge-like. Despite the name, Chicken Fries taste like neither chicken nor fries. Instead you get an interestingly zesty mix of paprika, black pepper, and onion powder flavors, and you know what? Aside from the questionable texture of the meat, they’re actually pretty damn good.
I can’t emphasize the word ‘zesty’ enough. It’s spicy but not enough to be considered hot, but it still leaves your taste buds dancing.
Best Dipping Sauce:
BBQ. Burger King’s BBQ is pleasingly smokey with a nice balance of sweetness that never gets overwhelming.
The Bottom Line:
Look at that, Burger King finally landed in the middle of one of our fast food rankings! The Chicken Fries are weird and disturbing, but they taste good, so if you can get past the form factor and the strange texture, the flavor delivers.
I like KFC, though you wouldn’t know it the way both tender offerings have hit the middle of our list. But I actually think the Colonel’s Original Recipe blend of spices is one of the best-tasting flavor combinations of any fast food chicken chain. Unfortunately, KFC doesn’t make Original Recipe Tenders, they only make it in Extra Crispy, and KFC’s Extra Crispy chicken batter is pretty damn basic.
This tender is salty with a hint of garlic powder. That’s it. The quality of the meat is pretty good, it’s tender and juicy and never dry but the basic breading holds it back from being truly delicious.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Luckily it’s really easy to improve the flavor of these bland tenders with KFC’s side dishes. Skip the sauce and order a side of mashed potatoes and gravy or Mac and Cheese and dip your strips to your heart’s content.
The Bottom Line:
KFC can make a really amazing tender if they wanted to, unfortunately, they don’t seem to want to. These are good, not great.
Rally’s new fry-battered chicken tenders are good but misleading. If you’re expecting the same garlic-forward, black pepper-infused light and crispy batter that Rally uses on the fries, this isn’t that. It’s sort in the same taste ballpark but doesn’t manage to capture half of the magic of the fries.
I’m not sure if that’s a result of Rally’s leaving this in the frier a bit too long, masking the flavors in its crunchiness, or because they had to adjust the batter recipe to be able to adhere to a big piece of meat rather than potatoes or mozzarella cheese. But I suggest skipping the tenders and grabbing a big Mother Cruncher instead.
Best Dipping Sauce:
It’s a toss-up between the BBQ and Honey Mustard. Both are a bit too sweet, but that goes for all of Rally’s sauces.
The Bottom Line:
The name is a false promise. This doesn’t taste nearly as good as the fries or the fry-seasoned mozzarella sticks. Order those instead.
Jollibee’s chicken has an interesting balance of sweet, sour, and salty flavors distinct enough to pick out in a blind taste test. No other fried chicken tastes quite like this, and the batter is equally unique with a light crispiness that makes it the most audibly crunchy chicken in this ranking.
The chicken itself is good but not great, it’s tender but not nearly juicy enough to warrant a spot higher than this.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Gravy! I’ve already mentioned how gravy is an ideal fried chicken dip. Good gravy adds a richness to chicken that makes it greater than the sum of its parts.
The Bottom Line:
Unique enough that it deserves a trip to Jollibee if you’ve never been, but this is far from the best menu item at the mighty bee.
Chick-fil-A’s Chick-n-Strips are pretty damn good. The chain marinates its chicken in pickle brine, giving each bite of chicken a real depth of flavor and a tender juicy mouthfeel that sets it apart from a lot of the other chicken chains on this ranking. The use of peanut oil is another great move, ensuring each tender has a perfectly crispy exterior. Chick-fil-A’s better is also considerably lighter than a lot of other chicken chains, offering a meatier ratio of white meat chicken to breading.
But despite how good these things are, they are easily Chick-fil-A’s worst chicken product.
The nuggets are way juicer, and the breast filet used on the sandwiches if in another league entirely. So as good as these are, we can’t recommend ordering them over their other choices.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Everyone has their favorite Chick-fil-A sauce but if we had to choose a best dip for the chicken, we’re going with the namesake, the Chick-fil-A sauce. It’s a mix of barbecue and honey mustard, with a ranch-backed tang that adds a nice smokey and rich quality to the fried chicken.
The Bottom Line:
You certainly wouldn’t complain if someone gave you an order of Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Strips but if you have the choice to order anything else, do it. These are good, but far from Chick-fil-A’s best chicken offering.
I was going to separate these into two individual categories but they ended up slotting right next to each other in the ranking so I’m just going to kill two birds with one stone here. Generally, I think the Spicy style tenders offer a bit more, supplying a cayenne kick to Popeyes’ buttery, garlic, and onion powder forward batter that makes the chicken taste more interesting. Having said that, as far as which one tastes better, it kind of depends on how fresh the chicken is.
If you’re ordering inside of a Popeyes you can usually see the fried chicken they have on hand behind the cashier. If the pile of spicy tenders is high, order them, they probably just came out. If it looks like the spicy tenders are running low and the mild tenders look fresher, order those instead. Popeyes chicken tastes best right when it’s out of the fryer. Once it cools down a little bit the texture of the chicken becomes oddly chunky and not tender and juicy.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Honey. It adds a little floral sweetness to the heat.
The Bottom Line:
Popeyes is the king of chicken sandwiches, and probably the king of bone-in fried chicken. Their tenders could use a refresh to get them to the level of the menu’s GOATS.
Ecstasy of the mouth. The other tenders on this list don’t even come close. Raising Cane’s uses fresh chicken that is marinaded for 24 hours, hand-battered, and fried to perfection. Each bite of chicken is bursting with tenderness like a goddamn Otis Redding song (it helps that Raising Cane’s uses actual chicken tenders) with the perfect texture that melts in your mouth. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood while eating Cane’s.
Because the strips are hand-battered on sight using fresh non-frozen chicken, the batter isn’t always the crispiest, but that’s easily remedied by asking for your chicken “extra crispy.” Cane’s will then leave your chicken in the fryer for anywhere between 30-60 seconds, resulting in a perfect golden finger that is as crispy and crunchy as it is delicious.
Best Dipping Sauce:
Cane’s Sauce, obviously, I mean they throw it right in the box with the chicken. Cane’s sauce is a classic comeback-style sauce (mayo, ketchup, Worchestershire, spices) that adds a savory umami quality to each tender bite.
The Hack To Make It Better:
Dane Rivera
Order your fingers ‘extra crispy,’ add an extra order of toast and ask for both to be made BOB style (That’s buttered on both sides if you’re not hip to that Cane’s culture). Stick a tender between the two pieces of toast, douse it in Cane’s sauce, and you have one of the best (and smallest) chicken sandwiches in all of fast food. It’s a damn crime that it’s not on the menu.
The Bottom Line:
The fried chicken tender perfected. You’ve probably seen the drive-thru lines and wondered if its worth it. It is (But we suggest ordering inside, you’ll get your order in half the time).
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