The Brooklyn Nets hold the keys to the entire NBA summer right now, as what they do with Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving will dictate when and what other moves get made around the league. No one is interested in making other major trades until Durant’s trade request is completed, as no one wants to give away assets or space that could be used to either land Durant or facilitate a trade and land picks or players as a third or fourth team in a more complicated transaction.
As such, the hope of many was for a Durant deal to get done sooner than later, but as talks drag on, now approaching a full week of trade discussions, it’s becoming apparent that this situation may not get resolved in short order. In fact, the Nets have indicated that they could be willing to take this thing all the way to training camp if teams don’t come correct with their best offer, and Shams Charania reported on the Pat McAfee Show on Tuesday that the Nets were even willing to play next season with Irving and Durant back on the roster.
“Kyrie Irving opts in, his intention at that point is to play out the year. Kevin Durant made a decision only he can make in terms of going to the Nets and requesting a trade out of Brooklyn. From everything I’m told, that stance has not changed. There’s been no signal he’s going to back off of that, if anything, that stance is expected to continue throughout this offseason in terms of Kevin Durant wanting a trade out of Brooklyn. On the other hand the Nets, they pick up TJ Warren today, they’re making moves and doing things this offseason which, in their minds, the preparation and operation as if they’re bringing these two guys back next season and playing with these two guys. Now I think they’re open in dialogue and they’re open to teams like Toronto, Phoenix, Miami making offers, but until they get that price threshold met — which I’m told is All-Star type players, boatload of draft picks — they’re not going to move Kevin Durant until the price is met.”
Charania also notes that most of the recent superstar trades we’ve had, like Kyrie, Anthony Davis, and Kawhi Leonard, have all taken a month plus to get worked out, so it isn’t out of character for them to have this sort of timetable.
What this seems to be, mostly, is the Nets further illustrating their determination to get their demands met. While a public trade request is never a good thing for a team, Durant’s contract at least leaves Brooklyn with some leverage to hold the line on their demands because the clock isn’t ticking on him becoming a free agent. That’s what we are seeing right now and they know that, for a team like Phoenix especially, the closer the season gets the more they’ll start to feel the pressure to get this done, as their title window with Chris Paul is closing faster than anything else in this scenario.
While the Nets may be willing to take this into camp, no one wants that, but it’s the right thing to push to the masses in what figures to be a very long and public negotiation.
Come on, Barbie, let’s go to Margot Robbie’s party.
To celebrate her 32nd birthday, the cast and crew of Barbie, the most important movie of 2023, held a party for the two-time Oscar nominee. Robbie was “presented with a pink Barbie birthday cake between takes,” according to E! Online (the cake reads, “Happy Birthday Barbie Margot”), while “another pic from set appears to show the 32-year-old Oscar nominee — dressed in Barbie’s neon ensemble with a white long-sleeve cover up — carrying a box of donuts, along with a party hat.”
E! Online has pics of Robbie’s birthday outfit and cake, and they’re as delightful as all the other on-set photos we’ve seen from Greta Gerwig’s movie. Hopefully Ryan Gosling, who plays bleach-blonde himbo Ken, popped out of the pink cake with a scream.
Robbie’s aim with Barbie is to surprise people. “People immediately have an idea of, ‘Oh, Margot is playing Barbie, I know what that is,’ but our goal is to be like, whatever you’re thinking, we’re going to give you something totally different — the thing you didn’t know you wanted,” she told the Hollywood Reporter. “If we can do all that and provoke a thoughtful conversation, then we’re really firing on all cylinders.”
Going for a bike ride in the 80s used to be a wholesome activity, but thanks to Stranger Things and now Paper Girls, it actually seems like it might attract supernatural activity. Maybe that’s why pelotons are so in right now!
Today, Amazon dropped the trailer for the upcoming sci-fi series Paper Girls, based on the hit graphic novel of the same name. The series follows a group of newspaper delivery girls in 1988 who unexpectedly get transported to the wild and horrifying new world of the year 2019 when they meet their older selves and have to find a way back to the 80s.
To make it even more appealing, one of the girl’s future selves is portrayed by Ali Wong. Get ready for some chaotic fun! Here is the official synopsis:
It’s the day after Halloween in 1988 when four young friends accidentally stumble into an intense time war and find themselves inexplicably transported to the year 2019. When they come face-to-face with their adult selves, each girl discovers her own strengths as together they try to find a way back to the past while saving the world of the future.
The show also stars Riley Lai Nelet, Sofia Rosinsky, Fina Strazza, Camryn Jones, Nate Corddry, and Adina Porter. Paper Girls debuts July 29th on Amazon Prime. Check out the trailer above.
13 years after his death, Michael Jackson’s legacy continues to be disputed, debated, and discussed by fans both old and new. Recently, a new twist was thrown into the discourse as Sony Music, which manages the rights to Jackson’s music, has removed three of his songs from streaming services. The three songs, “Breaking News,” “Keep Your Head Up,” and “Monster” featuring 50 Cent, all appear on the 2010 posthumous album Michael and have been subject to controversy for years.
The controversy stems from some fans’ belief that the songs do not feature Jackson’s vocals. Instead, they think that the songs were completed by a session singer, undermining the claim that the album consists of “previously unreleased vocal tracks performed by Michael Jackson.” In fact, one fan even sued Sony and Jackson’s estate over the contentious tracks, claiming they violated consumer laws and amounted to fraud. Vera Serova’s 2014 class-action lawsuit calls the three songs an “elaborate artistic fraud masterminded by co-defendants Eddie Cascio and James Porte.”
Some members of Jackson’s family have even weighed in on both sides. His mom Katherine and sister LaToya both maintained that the songs were either faked or didn’t sound like him, but a court eventually ruled that there was no case because of lack of evidence. It has since been appealed.
However, according to American Songwriter via Stereogum, the three tracks weren’t removed because of their doubted veracity, but because “the continuing conversation about the tracks is distracting the fan community and casual Michael Jackson listeners from focusing their attention where it should be: on Michael’s legendary and deep music catalog,” according to a statement from the estate.
Kate Bush and “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” have gotten a lot of buzz lately thanks to the fourth season of Stranger Things, but that song isn’t the only one the show has given a boost. Metallica’s 1986 classic “Master Of Puppets” features prominently in the season finale, and subsequently, it has received renewed attention. The song entered Spotify’s Daily Top Songs USA chart for the first time on July 1 (the day the two latest Stranger Things episodes were released) and rose to the No. 10 spot on July 4. (All the while, by the way, “Running Up That Hill” was No. 1 on that chart.)
Now, the band have shared their thoughts on the situation, offering some praise by writing on Instagram:
“The way The Duffer Brothers have incorporated music into Stranger Things has always been next level, so we were beyond psyched for them to not only include ‘Master of Puppets’ in the show, but to have such a pivotal scene built around it. We were all stoked to see the final result and when we did we were totally blown away… it’s so extremely well done, so much so, that some folks were able to guess the song just by seeing a few seconds of Joseph Quinn’s hands in the trailer!! How crazy cool is that?
It’s an incredible honor to be such a big part of Eddie’s journey and to once again be keeping company with all of the other amazing artists featured in the show.”
Robert Trujillo also noted on his own Instagram that his son Tye actually recorded guitar for the show, writing, “That’s my boy! Proud of ya Tye! Stranger Things finale shredding it on ‘Master of Puppets’ and big thanks to @kirkhammett on helping!”
Despite “Master Of Puppets” being one of Metallica’s most popular songs — it’s one of their 13 tracks to achieve at least Gold certification from the RIAA — it has actually never appeared on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, so the tune’s potential debut on those ranks could be something to look out for when next week’s chart is released.
Meanwhile, in a new Variety interview, Stranger Things music supervisor Nora Felder noted of the track’s role in the show, “It was another one of those ‘it has to be this song’ moments. This part of the story was anticipated to be a pivotal and especially hair-raising scene in which Eddie heroically stood tall for the fight of his life. I believe the Duffer Brothers felt that playing ‘Master Of Puppets’ throughout the extended scene was the clear choice. No other song was discussed further, and we jumped in to clear it straight away.”
With the announcement of a new Sabrina Carpenter record, plus a collaboration between Tiësto and Charli XCX and a new Rina Sawayama single, this week in pop did not disappoint. No, not even if Katy Perry botched a well-intentioned, pro-choice joke on Twitter about her hit “Firework.”
If you’ve been on TikTok at all in the past month or so, you know how anticipated the release of this song was. The lo-fi track went viral before it was even out; the clip circulated of Quinnie singing, “He’s so pretty when he goes down on me / Gold-skinned eager baby, blue shirt out the laundry.” It was tender and open about female sexuality in a way that’s rare and special. The entire ballad is as lovely as you’d expect.
Sabrina Carpenter – “Vicious”
“Vicious” is Sabrina Carpenter’s first release since the announcement of her new album, and it portrays a catchy, sassy direction that her previous songs “Skinny Dipping” and “Fast Times” previewed as well. Her attitude and devotion to drama, especially in the bridge, make for a visceral listening experience.
Tiësto, Charli XCX – “Hot In It”
Speaking of attitude, Charli XCX’s devotion to being a pop diva has been carried over from her extravagant masterwork Crash. The hook is simple and repetitive but serves as a perfect mantra for clubbing this summer: “Tonight, I’m gon’ be rockin’ it, droppin’ it / Shake my ass, no stoppin’ it / I look hot in it, hot in it.”
Rina Sawayama – “Catch Me In The Air”
Rina Sawayama’s forthcoming album Hold The Girl is going to be dynamic and unpredictable. The first single, “This Hell,” was an abrasive, rock-tinged anthem that flirted with danger; this new single “Catch Me In The Air” feels like its polar opposite. With a buoyant sound reminiscent of early-2000s pop, it’s much more wholesome and is focused on optimism and growth.
Daya – “Love You When You’re Gone”
Daya’s synthy “Love You When You’re Gone” is a sparkling ode to yearning with a Cure-like atmosphere. The rhythm bounces in a “Just Like Heaven” kind of way, and her vocals soar through the song with pure feeling. The lyrics are poetic in portraying frustration and misplacement: “I only love you when you’re gone / Lonely hearts just don’t belong.”
Catie Turner – “Step Mom”
“Step Mom” by Catie Turner kicks off with instantly relatable storytelling: “We broke up, it was messy and I’m so embarrassed / Let it get the best of me, I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Turner’s bubbly, unafraid personality separates her from the other pop singers right now; with the brazen hook “I’m gonna steal your dad / Be the best he ever had,” there’s no competition.
Lauv – “Kids Are Born Stars”
There’s an infectious groove running through Lauv’s new song “Kids Are Born Stars.” Even with downtrodden lyrics about rejection and heartbreak, Lauv keeps it hopeful and confident: “I cried but it’s cool she didn’t come over / But I knew that someday I knew I’d be a really, really, really, really big star,” he sings.
Steve Lacy – “Bad Habit”
Woozy guitars make “Bad Habit” by Steve Lacy absolutely addictive, and his vocals, drenched in an intense sense of longing and sincerity, make it even better. A deep bassline and glittering synths complete its perfection; after listening, you’ll have the melody stuck in your head for hours: “I wish I knew, I wish I knew you wanted me.” It ends in a trance-like, psychedelic haze.
Gia Woods – “Lesbionic”
Gia Woods is fearless on “Lesbionic,” which bursts with Kim Petras- or Slayyyter-like hyperpop insanity. Instead of singing, it sounds like she’s making declarations: “Hey girls, no fighting, no kiss, just biting / It’s not iconic, it’s lesbionic.” Over trippy synths and a fast rhythm, the song is sure to be blasted at clubs.
Gryffin, MØ – “Reckless”
After collaborating together and with King Princess for “Head On Fire,” Gryffin and MØ are back to making music with each other. Their chemistry is obvious; “Reckless” is another great, radio-ready anthem for driving through a beautiful, hot day with the windows down. It has an undeniable groove and texture of excitement that feels inspiring and contagious.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Summer music festival season is in full swing. Bonnaroo just went down in Tennessee in mid-June, Glastonbury just lit the world ablaze with a slew of memorable performances from the UK last weekend, and Wireless Festival wrapped up the first of three hip-hop superfests in London. Meanwhile, Denmark’s Roskilde Festival, the largest music festival in Scandinavia, happened last week with Post Malone and Dua Lipa headlining two of the fests closing nights. But when the proverbial lights were down, Posty was holding court on the ping pong… err… beer pong table backstage and Dua Lipa was his partner.
In a TikTok clip shared by Posty, he and Dua Lipa are playing a neck and neck match-up against members of Turnstile. It’s down to one cup on each side and the Twelve Carat Toothache star stepped up to the table with the game on the line. Dua Lipa rubs her hands with tense anticipation as Posty shakes any residual liquid from the ping pong ball (for optimal grip, duh, bro!). He flanks his cigarette hand off to the side (for balance) calculates the shot and lets it go. BOOM! Direct hit! Post Malone and Dua Lipa win the game and everyone erupts.
Of course Posty hit the winning shot. Who did you expect? The experience was clearly a formative one for Dua Lipa, who posted a photo of it along with a video of a “strategy” session with her victorious teammate.
And don’t feel too bad for Turnstile, they just announced the continuation of the Turnstile Love Connection Tour with Snail Mail and Jpegmafia. Hopefully they learned a thing or two about beer pong from the headliners.
Dua Lipa is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
New rye whiskey is hitting the shelves at a frenetic pace these days. Some of it is great. Some of it is just okay. Hell, some of it is crap too. That’s just the way it works. I’m here to help you sort through it all via a new blind taste test of new rye whiskeys (over the last six to nine months) that have come across my desk.
For this blind tasting, I’m taking new samples and pitting them against one another in a blind taste test face-off. I generally chose bottles that have a price tag between $60 and $100+ on the shelf with one ringer that has an MSRP (suggested retail price) of $99 but has an aftermarket price far above that.
Our lineup today is:
Lost Lantern Dad’s Hat Pennsylvania Straight Rye
Nashville Barrel Company Single Barrel Straight Rye
Thomas H. Handy Sazerac Kentucky Straight Rye BTAC 2021
BLACKENED Rye The Lightening Kentucky Straight Rye Double Cask Finished in Madeira and Rum Casks
Rocket Top Straight Rye
Lost Lantern Dad’s Hat Pennsylvania Straight Rye Finished in Vermouth Casks
BLACKENED x Willett Kentucky Straight Rye Finished in Madeira Casks
New Riff Sherry Finished Kentucky Straight Malted Rye
The nose is soft and leathery with a hint of orange spice next to fresh mint and maybe some woody pepper. That pepperiness leads the way on the palate as old wood, dry straw, sweet orange, and a hint of dark cacao move through the palate. The end has a warm, woody clove vibe that adds some heat to the overall finish.
This felt like a nice place to start. It was balanced, tasty, and felt like a “rye.”
Taste 2
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This has a nice mix of old, soft leather next to sweet cinnamon with a hint of toast and maybe some brown sugar. The palate has a rum-raisin vibe with a moment of tannic woodiness next to clove and anise with a line of black pepper. The end leans into tobacco leaves with a spicy cherry vibe next to sharp clove, anise, cinnamon, and pepper.
This felt sort of “classic” rye but ended hot.
Taste 3
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
The nose on this one is full of anise, black licorice, clove, and old leather with a hint of tobacco. The palate gets very woody with a line of black pepper next to almonds and orange but ends up with a huge note of old, almost stale perfume. The finish is creamy and leans into dark chocolate with a twinge of mint and plenty of spicy warmth.
That perfume note on the mid-palate is a lot to get past.
Taste 4
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
The nose opens with a soft layer of prunes and dates with a hint of tart berry next to suede, pine resin, and an echo of dry straw. The palate is part black pepper and part leathery prunes with a creamy vanilla underbelly and more of those dark berries. The end comes with more layers of ground almonds, old cinnamon sticks, minty honey, and a touch of raw sugar sweetness with a lush finish.
This was damn nice. This is a contender for first place for sure.
Taste 5
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Apple candy and a thin line of old leather lead the way on the nose with a whisper of dried florals. The taste leans into the apple with a touch of black pepper and vanilla frosting. The end is short and sweet with the apple and pepper working towards hints of almond and dried flowers.
The dried flowers weren’t really vibing with the apple on this for me.
Taste 6
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
The nose on this goes deep with hints of fresh apricot next to suede, wet grains, and a subtle dill that leads to a rye bread fennel. The palate mixes orange oils with dark holiday spices — clove, allspice, nutmeg, cardamom, ginger, cinnamon — with a slightly woody edge that leads to a deep sense of red peppercorns with a robust heat. The end lets those sharp peppercorns dance with the woodier spices as soft vanilla cream and fresh-cut grass counter each other on the finish.
This is another contender. This was a great whiskey, rye or not.
Taste 7
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Red berry sorbet explodes on the nose with a mix of ripe black cherry, raspberry, and blackberry with a hint of tart red currants, a touch of fresh mint, and maybe some woody cinnamon. The palate takes on a savory strawberry-rhubarb note that leans into vanilla and butter white wine. The end has a dark fruit leather vibe with a twinge of spiced cherry tobacco on the finish.
This felt pretty good but a little “BERRY!” overall.
Taste 8
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Dark red fruits — black cherry, tart raspberry, plums — drive the nose toward a line of dry cedar kindling with hints of soft oatmeal cookies with plenty of raisins, cinnamon, and nutmeg. The palate picks up on the woodiness leading toward a hint of firewood sap next to spicy tobacco leaves laced with dark fruit sweetness while woody berries of clove and allspice mix with an echo of sassafras — all of which are wrapped up in an old leather pouch. The end brings it all together with soft leather and a sweet dark fruity end that’s just silky.
This is another contender for the top spot. This is pretty damn good whiskey.
Taste 9
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
There’s a good mix of dark fruits and dark spices on the nose with a nice buttery edge that leads to some wet brown sugar and a mild hint of old leather. The palate has a lush vanilla underbelly that allows the woody winter spices to mix with the cherry syrup that’s countered by a tart apple and some wet porch wicker. The end is spicy but more sweet than hot — it’s well balanced — and melds that brown sugar, vanilla, and dark fruit into a nice finish.
I like this a lot. It was very “good rye vibes” through and through. Though, I’m not sure it’s as decisively complex as some of the others on this list.
Taste 10
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Orange and floral honey lead the way with a hint of damp oats next to walnuts, raisings, and plenty of wintry spices with a woody edge. The palate is lush with a vanilla ice cream feel next to an almost rummy molasses with plenty of sweetness. The end has a ginger spiciness to it with a bit of black pepper next to dark chocolate with a thin old cedar. Eventually, the finish ends up on a ginger-spiced chocolate tobacco leaf.
This was very “well, that’s nice!” Not sure where it’ll land but I do like it.
Part 2: The Ranking
Zach Johnston
10. Thomas H. Handy Sazerac Kentucky Straight Rye BTAC 2021 — Taste 3
This is the youngest bottle in 2021’s BTAC. The whiskey was distilled in the spring of 2015 and bottled in the fall of 2021. The mash is mainly Minnesota rye with Kentucky corn and North Dakota barley. The juice matured in warehouses I, K, L, and O on the fifth through seventh floors. Over that time, 31 percent of the juice was lost to the angels.
Bottom Line:
This was so obviously last for me today. I didn’t hesitate to write “10” next to my tasting notes for this. I just can’t dig that old perfume note in the middle. It throws the whole thing off for me. This begs the question if this was actually its MSRP on the shelf, would it be as revered?
9. Rocket Top Bottled-in-Bond Straight Rye — Taste 5
This new release from Redwood Empire Distilling out in California is a unique whiskey. The mash bill is not a 95 percent rye. I know, shocking. Instead, we have five-year-old rye made from a mash bill of 87 percent rye, seven percent malted barley, and six percent wheat.
Bottom Line:
This was perfectly fine but a little one-note on that apple vibe. That’s a huge advantage for mixing up a cocktail as you can build off of that apple note. On a neat blind tasting, it wasn’t too exciting.
8. Nashville Barrel Company Single Barrel Straight Rye — Taste 2
Nashville Barrel is all about the barrel picks for retailers, bars, and whoever comes along (within reason). The juice in this case is 95 percent MGP rye that’s around eight years old. The whiskey went into the bottle at barrel strength without any additional fussing.
Bottom Line:
I liked this a lot more the last time I tried it. I think that woody/tannic note set me off the course this time around. Otherwise, this was perfectly fine but needed a rock for sure.
7. Lost Lantern Dad’s Hat Pennsylvania Straight Rye — Taste 1
Mountain Laurel Spirits — which created Dad’s Hat — has the distinction of reviving the old-school ways of Pennsylvania rye whiskey, which goes back centuries. The juice from this hand-picked barrel is a five-year-old rye whiskey made with 80 percent rye, 15 percent malted barley, and five percent malted rye. That whiskey was bottled as-is from a single 53-gallon barrel.
Bottom Line:
This felt like classic rye with a hot end. It was tasty, deep, and I truly liked it. It just needed a rock to calm it down and, likely, lead to much deeper flavors.
6. BLACKENED x Willett Kentucky Straight Rye Finished in Madeira Casks — Taste 7
This new release from Metallica’s BLACKENED is a masterful collaboration with Willett. The rye is a blend of whiskeys that were aged around six or seven years (with one barrel up to eight years old) that are vatted and then finished in Madeira casks. After an undisclosed amount of time mellowing in those casks, the whiskey is then bottled as-is at cask strength.
Bottom Line:
This was very good but hit that “berry” note hard. It wasn’t one-note, don’t get me wrong, but it took a moment to get past it to find all the rest that was going on in this pour. Still, this was very easy drinking overall.
This whiskey from Nevada is a single estate spirit. That means it’s made with 100 percent rye in the mash bill and that rye (Winter Rye specifically) came from the Frey Ranch farmland. The spirit was then aged a few years before only a few thousand bottles were filled.
Bottom Line:
This was a nice whiskey. It felt like classic rye that works really well as a sipper of a cocktail base. It’s the perfect middle of the ranking for this set of pours.
4. Pursuit United Blended Straight Rye Whiskeys — Taste 9
This release is a blend of whiskeys from Kentucky and Maryland (which is the source of America’s rye whiskey heritage). The Kentucky rye is from Bardstown Bourbon Company (a 95 percent rye), which is contract distilling and aging whiskey for Pursuit United. The other rye is from Maryland’s famed and beloved Sagamore Spirits (a 52 percent rye). Barrels from each warehouse were masterfully married to create this expression with a touch of water to bring the proof down a notch.
Bottom Line:
This feels like a great near pout that’d also shine wonderfully in a Manhattan. It’s versatile and very tasty. It doesn’t quite have the depth of the next few on this list but that’s okay because it’s really good.
This whiskey starts off with a 100 percent malted rye whiskey that was aged for five years. That juice is then re-barreled into custom-made sherry casks (from 12 Oloroso and three Pedro Ximenez casks) for an additional year of maturation. The whiskey was then vatted in a stainless steel tank and left to rest for months before bottling in mid-2021.
Bottom Line:
This was a pretty stellar pour. The fruit, cedar, and soft spice just worked on the palate and helped it stand above the rest. I’d pour this again in an instant. The only reason it’s a little lower is that it wasn’t as deep as the first pick. But I’m really splitting hairs to try and rank these top three.
2. BLACKENED Rye The Lightening Kentucky Straight Rye Double Cask Finished in Madeira and Rum Casks — Taste 4
This whiskey from Metallica and Master Distiller and Blender Rob Dietrich is made from barrels Dietrich picked himself. Those barrels were between five and eight years old when they were batched and then re-filled into rum and Madeira barrels and blasted with music for a final maturation. The final result is made from a blending of those barrels with a touch of water to bring it down to proof.
Bottom Line:
This was just delicious. It was deep and complex but still felt welcoming. The only reason it’s not number one is that it was a tad less complex than the next pick.
1. Lost Lantern Dad’s Hat Pennsylvania Straight Rye Finished in Vermouth Casks — Taste 6
This Pennsylvania rye from Mountain Laurel Spirits takes Dad’s Hat’s 80 percent rye and ages it for four years. Then the juice is re-barreled into vermouth casks for an additional five months of mellowing before Lost Lantern got their hands on that one barrel and bottled it as-is.
Bottom Line:
This was magical. There was so much going on from the fennel to the intense peppercorns to the soft sweetness of the red fruits. Bravo.
Part 3: Final Thoughts
Zach Johnston
I think the biggest surprise of this tasting was where Thomas H. Handy Sazerac Rye ended up. It just did not mix well with these pours today. And unlike other bottles of whiskey that get a huge bump on the aftermarket, this really felt like it punched in or below its weight class. It wasn’t bad by any stretch and this is subjective to my palate, but that perfume note is a lot.
Overall, the top three picks are the ones I stand by the most. Any of those three are worth stocking on your home bar cart. That said, the top slot is really the true stand-out of this blind tasting. It was immediately evident that it would win. It was that good.
The thing Michael Keaton understood about Batman is that Bruce Wayne is, deep down in his soul, a huge weirdo. That’s why Keaton’s take on the character is beloved by so many, still, today, 30-some years after he last played him in a film opposite Danny DeVito as Penguin. Things got a little campy after that (hello Batman & Robin) and then they got dark (Christian Bale, Ben Affleck, Robert Pattinson, and various other actors with jawlines cut from marble), which is all fine, mostly. Probably. There’s room for various takes on the character. Batman has been around for decades now. There’s something to be said for keeping things fresh by switching them up.
But there’s also something to be said for letting Batman be a weirdo again, for letting the series have some fun, for acknowledging that this dude is a billionaire playboy who hangs out in a cave and dresses up like a bat to battle the most theatrical villains you’ve ever seen and whose best friend is his butler. There is comedy to be mined here, even within the structure of the story. The trick is finding the right combination of star and director, like the Thor movies did with Chris Hemsworth and Taika Waititi. Let’s focus on the star for now. I have ideas.
Here are some guys I would like to see get a crack at playing Batman.
Jake Johnson
Some notes:
Jake Johnson rules
I feel like he would capture the correct goofball disaffected billionaire vibe as Bruce Wayne, especially at some fancy cocktail party
The other thing I need in this version is Adam Pally as the Joker
Thank you.
Donald Glover
fx
This one would work for a bunch of reasons — talent, oddball charm, etc. — but there’s one main reason I keep coming back to: Glover already has experience playing a reclusive wealthy weirdo who lives in a creepy old mansion. You remember the Teddy Perkins episode of Atlanta. It was so good. So we add a dash of that to Bruce Wayne. This whole thing works almost too well. I don’t know if Donald Glover even wants to play Batman. He would be really good at it, though. Close your eyes and picture it right now.
Danny McBride
HBO
I just thought about this one and started laughing for about 90 seconds straight. Let Danny McBride write it, too. Let him cast Walton Goggins as The Riddler. It would be weird and chaotic and littered with enough cussing that it would probably work better as an HBO series than a summer blockbuster.
Which I want to see now.
So bad.
Danny McBride, please consider making a weirdo Batman series after The Righteous Gemstones is over.
Let Edi Patterson play Catwoman.
Just think about it a little.
Ryan Gosling
WBWBWBWB
I could have written out a whole thing here but I really think this set of screencaps from The Nice Guys make my point better than any collection of words I could type would. Let’s move on.
Rob McElhenney
Apple+
Between Always Sunny and Mythic Quest, Rob McElhenney already has a history of playing characters who cover up deeply-rooted insecurities with comic levels of showy masculinity. I think he could do a pretty good job with “a wealthy orphan who dresses up like a muscular rodent to fight crime.” Plus, we could loop Danny DeVito back into the franchise and let him play Alfred. This last thing is either the best or worst idea I’ve ever had, with no middle ground between those two extremes. These are my favorite kinds of ideas.
Sam Richardson
APPLE
Some notes, once again:
Sam Richardson rules
I would like it if he became a big star
I don’t know how he would handle various fight and/or zipline-type scenes but it’s not like Michael Keaton was ever the UFC light heavyweight champion or anything, so who cares?
A solid case if there ever was one.
Brett Goldstein
APPLE
Brett Goldstein plays Roy Kent on Ted Lasso. He curses a lot and is always cranky and carries himself like a guy who burned his last bagel every morning at breakfast. I love him very much. I don’t know if he can do an effective American accent — Christian Bale did one, so there is precedent — or if we should just let Batman be a British guy who says the f-word a lot, but those feel like Day Two problems. We can get to them tomorrow.
Paul Rudd
netflix
This one should probably be filed under the Gosling/Glover “so obvious it maybe should have happened already” category, but still. Rudd has all the tools to make this work, even including the jawline, and he has superhero experience thanks to playing Ant-Man in two movies over in the Marvel Universe. He can do the Batman stuff. More importantly, he can do the Bruce Wayne stuff. I have this image in my head of him at some stuffy gala tossing cocktail shrimp into the air and catching them in his mouth, or sticking toothpicks and olives into his dinner roll to turn them into little chubby men that he then voices to the annoyance of the other rich people at his table. These ideas are free for anyone to use. I don’t even know if they’re good. I just really want to see them.
One of the Succession boys
HBO
Any one of them will do. Give me Jeremy Strong getting so into the character that he starts living in a cave in real life. Give me Kieran Culkin just kind of slithering around in the Batsuit like a naughty little reptile. Give me Matthew McFayden giving Bruce Wayne the full Tom Wambsgans. Give me Nicholas Braun as the most awkward and lanky Batman the world has ever seen.
Especially that last one.
Extremely that last one.
I suspect I will be thinking about this for a period of time not less than 5-7 years.
Ben Schwartz
We’ve already had enough gloomy Batmen. We’ve seen many lifetime’s worth of on-screen brooding from beneath that mask. We’ve heard people do the unreasonably deep and raspy voice that sounds like it hurts to deploy for more than two or three sentences at a time. It’s time for something new.
It is time, specifically, for a chatty Batman. One who shows up on the roof to answer the Bat Signal and starts doing a whole bit on the impracticality of the whole thing. One who goes on extended riffs at home that Alfred suffers through. One who talks fast and a lot and schmoozes relentlessly. It’s worth a shot.
Matt Berry
Some notes, one last time:
Matt Berry rules
I’m not entirely sure if/how this would work at all but I really do want to see someone try it
Please take at least 10 minutes today to think about Matt Berry screeching up to a crime scene in the Batmobile and then struggling to climb out of it
In a new op-ed for The Atlantic, the Utah senator and one-time presidential candidate made it very clear that he’s afraid to witness what might happen to our country if Trump does decide to make another run at the Oval Office (as he’s been relentlessly teasing and hinting).
The way Romney sees it, “More and more, we are a nation in denial.”
Romney writes that such vital topics as climate change, inflation, global warming, immigration, and—perhaps most importantly—the January 6th insurrection are being ignored by many voters who see them as political minefields as opposed to the potentially catastrophic issues they really are.
What accounts for the blithe dismissal of potentially cataclysmic threats? The left thinks the right is at fault for ignoring climate change and the attacks on our political system. The right thinks the left is the problem for ignoring illegal immigration and the national debt. But wishful thinking happens across the political spectrum. More and more, we are a nation in denial.
“Wishful thinking” is one way to describe it; self-delusion may be another. For Romney, the one way to wake the country up so that we can all finally see that we’re tumbling quickly into turmoil—and unite together to prevent—is via a crisis on the scale of Pearl Harbor or 9/11. “A crisis can shake the public consciousness,” Romney writes, “But a crisis may come too late for a course correction that can prevent tragedy. The only cure for wishful thinking is leadership.” Unfortunately, he doesn’t see Biden as that leader, and believes that Trump: Round 2 would surely spell disaster:
President Joe Biden is a genuinely good man, but he has yet been unable to break through our national malady of denial, deceit, and distrust. A return of Donald Trump would feed the sickness, probably rendering it incurable. Congress is particularly disappointing: Our elected officials put a finger in the wind more frequently than they show backbone against it. Too often, Washington demonstrates the maxim that for evil to thrive only requires good men to do nothing.
Without naming names, Romney believes there are several people who are up to the task. Now we just have to wait and see if they realize it and will be compelled to run for the highest office in the land. “While we wait,” Romney says, “leadership must come from fathers and mothers, teachers and nurses, priests and rabbis, businessmen and businesswomen, journalists and pundits.”
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@Dua Lipa
