In the season one finale post-credits scene (the MCU-ification of reality programming) of the Hulu series, Kim is seen talking to someone off-camera about the show’s audio producer Erin Paxton, a.k.a. Paxy. “You have to meet Paxy. Paxy has worked with me as audio 14 years from Keeping Up With the Kardashians. She knows everything about me. She’s probably seen my vagina,” she said. Then, we hear a familiar voice:
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“More than me?” the former-SNL cast member wondered. “Not more than you,” Kim answered. “But she’s probably seen it.” Paxy, in fact, hasn’t seen Kim’s vagina, at least not in person. “You haven’t seen my vagina? We’ll get there. It takes time to warm up to seeing my vagina,” a surprised Kim said. “But you could look on the Internet.”
And that’s a wrap on season one of The Kardashians, folks.
Davidson (who shared his first kiss with his very famous girlfriend on SNL) has been a frequent off-screen presence during The Kardashians this season, but “I have not filmed with him,” Kim told Variety ahead of the premiere. “I’m not opposed to it. It’s just not what he does. But if there was an event happening and he was there, he wouldn’t tell the cameras to get away.” He will, however, have a larger presence in season two. “I think I might film something really exciting coming, but it wouldn’t be for this season,” she said.
A movie about Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian where Michael Cera and Snooki play them
A few days ago, Beyonce removed the profile pictures from her social media accounts, which many took as a sign that some major news, perhaps of a long-awaited follow-up to 2016’s Lemonade, was on the way. Indeed, fans are getting what they hoped for: Late last night, Tidal announced Renaissance, a new album from Beyonce.
The image Tidal shared indicates that “Act I” of Renaissance is coming on July 29. Beyonce’s social media profiles have also been updated to indicate the release date. Two possibilities here are that either Beyonce plans to release additional installments of or sequels to Renaissance after the initial drop, or that the project is being split into multiple parts, so just one part of it is coming out on the 29th.
Pre-orders for multiple editions of a box set for the album are available now, but they do not show the album art or tracklist, nor has that information been shared elsewhere.
In an August 2021 interview, Beyonce said (and even used the word “renaissance”) of working on new music, “With all the isolation and injustice over the past year, I think we are all ready to escape, travel, love, and laugh again. I feel a renaissance emerging, and I want to be part of nurturing that escape in any way possible. I’ve been in the studio for a year and a half. Sometimes it takes a year for me to personally search through thousands of sounds to find just the right kick or snare. One chorus can have up to 200 stacked harmonies. Still, there’s nothing like the amount of love, passion, and healing that I feel in the recording studio. After 31 years, it feels just as exciting as it did when I was nine years old. Yes, the music is coming!”
The best way to celebrate the start of summer is to take yourself on a well-deserved beach getaway. While tropical islands and international trips are great, you don’t need to go too far to bask in the goodness of a classic beach vacation. The U.S. offers a plethora of coastal gems that can make you feel like you’re worlds away.
To help you find the absolute best beaches to visit this season, we asked 10 travel writers and influencers to share their all-time favorite U.S. beaches. From classic California hotspots to a lakeside oasis to unexpected, rocky coastlines, the beaches below will inspire your summer travel itinerary.
EDITOR’S PICK: STEVE BRAMUCCI (@steve_bramucci) — LAGUNA BEACH, CALIFORNIA
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Is it a homer pick for me to vote for Laguna Beach — having lived there on and off for quite some time now? Or did I choose to live in Laguna because it’s the best beach in the nation? All I know is this: As far as beach destinations go, I’ve never seen a mix of weather, waves, and scenery inside the United States quite like Laguna Beach. And I’ve been to 45 states and territories with beaches always on my mind.
What’s so great about Laguna Beach? It’s the cliffs.
See, unlike Newport to the north or San Clemente to the south, Laguna is cut into segments by sandstone cliffs that often push into the sea, thereby creating a series of coves. Some of these many coves are well known. Others are not. If you pressed me, I could show you a beach in Laguna that you can share with maybe a handful of other people on the freaking 4th of July. No joke — beaches like Totuava in the south of town and Shaw’s Cove in the north are legitimately never crowded.
For my money, you can’t beat the famed Thalia Street Beach — Laguna’s most well-known longboarding surf spot and a favorite among… just about everyone. Not to veer into cliche but this beach is seriously vibey. You’ve got the surfers sharing “party waves,” the families playing along the shoreline, and the teenagers camped out next to the lifeguard tower. It feels like a scene out of another, more idyllic time where everyone is surfing and laughing and flirting.
Best of all, thanks to some very vigilant locals, Laguna’s beaches are clean — nearly devoid of trash. That’s such a pleasure and adds to the experience tremendously. Whether you’re hanging at Treasure Island Beach with the movie stars staying at The Montage or getting “body whomped” by the shore break waves at Crescent Bay, please help us keep it up when you visit next!
You gotta go to Tampa. I will pack a bikini in my carry-on. So that as soon as I get off my flight, I take a car service to my hotel which is always right on the beach. Then walk from my room in a bikini to the pool and then to the beach. I’m in the water in just a few steps. The water is a crystal clear, gorgeous turquoise blue. It is so calm, peaceful, and warm.
There are beautiful little crabs that dance up and down the beach, and the sand is super soft. It’s so expansive. No matter if there are so many people on the beach, you always feel like you have so much space. I can feel like I’m in my own oasis even if I’m clearly on a beach with lots of people who are also staying at their own glamorous hotels.
My favorite time is to go in the morning right after sunrise and just dance on the beach. It’s so cool still in the morning in Florida. So before it gets really humid and sticky hot, I’m out there dancing in the waves. That’s my favorite thing. It’s definitely going to Tampa, whether that’s St. Petersburg Beach or Clearwater Beach. You can only do things right in Tampa. Everyone should definitely book a flight to Tampa and book a gorgeous hotel on the coastline.
Neptune Beach is as barebones as they come. While the beaches of northern Oregon are popular escapes for weekend crowds coming out of the cities, crowds start to thin further south. Three hours from Portland, a blip on the map gives road trippers the perfect place to unplug.
Little more than a pullout on the side of the 101, this stretch of Oregon sand is a natural playground. Low tide delivers access to a labyrinth of tide pools filled with starfish, sea urchins, and crabs beneath coastal cliffs. A freshwater creek cuts through the beach that often hosts harbor seals and passing whales—and it’s all located just minutes from seaside coffee stands that dot the small towns up and down the Oregon Coast.
EMILY HART (@emilyventures) — JACKSON LAKE SWIM BEACH, WYOMING
When I visualize the perfect summer beach day, I don’t often think of a sandy coastline. While I love a traditional tropical vibe, my favorite beach could not be more different. Its coastline is rocky, the water is often frigid, and I would choose it over any other any day.
Jackson Lake Swim Beach is a stretch of rocky shore on Jackson Lake in Grand Teton National Park. Located within the Colter Bay area of the park, it is the perfect place to take a dip, read a book, or get in some sunbathing. Bring a chair or a thick blanket for comfort, and some water shoes if you’re getting in.
The view over the lake is truly unreal. The glacially carved canyons tower above you in a way that I haven’t experienced anywhere else. There are no foothills here, the peaks just jut out magically above. It is a beach experience I hope everyone can have one day.
To access, you’ll need to enter the Colter Bay area of Grand Teton National Park. You can pick up food or drinks at the general store then turn to the right on Cottonwood Way when you get to the water. There is parking along the lakeside — I recommend parking at the far end of the road where it turns around. If the water is too cold, head to the marina to rent a kayak or boat. And spend your beach day enjoying the view.
JARED RANAHAN (@jaredranahan) — OUTER BANKS, NORTH CAROLINA
Jared Ranahan
It’s a pretty tough decision, but my ultimate favorite beach has to be the entire Outer Banks shoreline. I’ve been coming here on family vacation for the past decade and a half, I have a massive extended family so we get a beach house that fits about 20 people and just hang out for the week, it’s a really beloved tradition for us. But aside from the nostalgia factor, the beaches across the Outer Banks are gorgeous, with soft sand and a lot of potential for bodyboarding.
Also, the Outer Banks coast has one pretty incredible feature that few beaches around the world are able to match. As a writer who focuses on wildlife and ecotourism, the wild beach horses are so incredible to see in person. No one is sure exactly how they arrived in the area—it’s possible that they were tossed overboard by Spanish ships to reduce weight and they swam to shore and survived, which is a pretty fascinating origin story. They’ve actually adapted quite well to survive in the area — they dig trenches in the sand to find potable water underground, they’re really incredible creatures. There are a couple of tour operators in the area that give ample insight into the history of the horses, I’ve personally had a great experience with Wild Horse Adventure Tours.
Beyond the horses, there’s a lot more to love about the Outer Banks. History-wise, the Wright Brothers’ first successful flight took place in Kitty Hawk, and the famed pirate Edward Teach—better known as Blackbeard—used to prowl the nearby shores for loot, and even met his demise on the Outer Banks coast. For modern-day visitors, I recommend checking out the local brewery scene (I’m a big fan of Northern Outer Banks Brewing Company, they have great lagers), sampling some of the local seafood restaurants, checking out the Roanoke Aquarium, and—speaking as a serious fan of birdwatching—going on a birding expedition around Cape Hatteras National Seashore.
I’ll be heading back to the Outer Banks this August and I can’t wait to see them again!
When it comes to US Beaches I have to say I am definitely a Florida girl. From the North Beaches in Destin all the way down to the Florida Keys, I’ve had the opportunity to see my fair share of Florida beaches and I have yet to be disappointed!
For a long time, Destin was definitely my favorite, up until recently when my family and I took a family vacation to Siesta Key, and I have to say that it’s definitely the front runner now!
From the white-sand beaches to the most charming little town filled with the cutest shops, bars, and restaurants, everything about Siesta Key makes for a perfect beach vacation!!
ESTHER SUSAG (@estherelsewhere) — TANGUISSON BEACH, GUAM (U.S. Territory)
Esther Susag
I wish I had been better at photography when I was in Guam to properly showcase how insanely beautiful this beach is. But, Tanguisson is the prettiest beach I have been to in the U.S. (even if it is “just” a territory). This beach is the absolute best at sunset. Get yourself a friend or significant other, grab a bottle of wine, and go enjoy one of the most beautiful picnics you’ll ever have. I had heard that this beach was pretty, but until I saw it with my own eyes, I had no idea just how beautiful it was.
I genuinely think it’s one of the prettiest parts of Guam. Not to mention, it’s a little off the beaten path a bit and around a 20-minute drive from the main city on Guam, so it’s not very crowded. Also, if you are into star gazing, this place is absolutely insane for watching the stars at night.
CHLOE CALDWELL (@chloeicaldwell) — VENTURA BEACH, CALIFORNIA
I grew up about 45 minutes from Ventura Beach, so maybe the nostalgia of spending many summer days of my childhood and adolescence there makes me biased. But to me, Ventura is an underrated beach destination that’s well worth a visit. Tucked on the coastline between LA and Santa Barbara, Ventura offers a more low-key, laidback beachside getaway.
You’ll find wide stretches of sand, sunset views from the Ventura Pier, boutique shopping and diverse dining on Main Street, outdoor sports like paddleboarding, surfing, and biking, and pretty much anything else you’d imagine a quintessential Southern California beach town to feature. You’ll never get bored during a weekend spent in Ventura.
While the water is chilly year-round and the beach gets crowded during summer, it’s not nearly as packed as the tourist-infested beaches of LA like Santa Monica and Venice (although these are still some of my favorite beaches, too). You’re able to enjoy your time in the sun without fighting for a spot in the sand or waiting an hour to eat at a nearby lunch spot. Whenever I need to get away from the city and relax, Ventura is my go-to staycation destination.
If you’re driving south on the Pacific Coast Highway in Oregon, there’s a fantastic pullout after the Sea Lion Caves on the way to Florence, which offers a stunning view of Baker Beach and a trail through sand dunes will take you to the water. The lookout is perfect for a moment of wellness and the pristine sand is just begging to be walked on.
I’m Aussie, so I have high standards when it comes to beaches but with the pristine coastline and wild surf, Baker Beach gives Australian beaches a run for their money!
I grew up in Illinois, so there will always be a place in my heart for a midwestern beach. There is something different about a day spent along the coast of the Great Lakes. And just like the midwest itself — it’s not pretentious or trying to be anything that it’s not. Luckily, what it is is pretty great.
Some of my favorite beaches are actually just over 30 miles outside Chicago — at Indiana Dunes National and State Parks. Indiana Dunes is one of the United States’ newest National Parks — changing designation from a National Lakeshore to a National Park in 2019. The park covers about 20 miles of the southern Lake Michigan coastline that is so vast and powerful you might forget you are in the middle of the country.
There are nine beaches within Indiana Dunes — with eight inside the National Park and one inside the State Park. West Beach is probably the most popular in the National Park, with the largest parking area, concessions, and a bathhouse. It’s the Westernmost beach (as you might have guessed) and can fill up on warm days.
Another option I love is the Indiana Dunes State Park Beach – although they are separate entities with separate entrance fees ($15 for the National Park and $12 for the State Park). The State Park beach has dunes and is also where you can access the 3 Dune Challenge – a hike that takes you up over the three tallest sand dunes in the park. At only 1.5 miles, but with 552 vertical gain on sand, trust me when I say you’ll want to jump in the water immediately after your attempt.
COLLETTE STOHLER (@roamaroo) — HERMOSA BEACH, CALIFORNIA
@roamaroo
Hermosa Beach is the sweetheart of SoCal. Best known for its volleyball culture, great surf, and lively apres-beach cocktail scene, this quintessential California beach town has nearly two miles of soft sand beach that hugs the Pacific Ocean. When visiting Hermosa Beach, make sure to play volleyball (or take a lesson from a pro), grab coffee at Two Guns Espresso, dine on breakfast burritos at Brothers Burritos, rent bikes and bike along The Strand, and end the day with margaritas at Palmilla Cocina Y Tequila.
The spirits awards are rolling in fast these days. This week, the John Barleycorn Awards — what a name! — announced their Best of Spring 2022 winners. The award announcement cut straight to the chase and didn’t tease out the best of the best with separate double gold and finalists announcements. We got them all at the same time.
Naturally, I thought it wise to share all the John Barleycorn Awards Best of Spring 2022 whisk(e)y winners (they’ll announce a Best of Fall 2022 later in the year). But before we dive in a little context. The John Barleycorn awards were created by journalists and industry pros (marketers mostly) who wanted a deeper look at the spirits world. If the San Francisco World Spirits Competition is like the Oscars of the award circuit, the John Barleycorn Awards are the Critics’ Choice Awards since they’re founded and led by writers and critics mostly. That lean into creativity comes through in the name as well, which is a nod to the “John Barleycorn” of myth who was the metaphorical representation of the farmer/distiller/folk hero associated with making and drinking spirits.
Okay, all of that aside, the list of whiskeys below represents a wide range of great whisk(e)y from around the world. I’m going to provide my own tasting notes where I can and the judge’s notes from the awards where I can’t. Hopefully, you’ll find a whisk(e)y to add to your home bar cart. Let’s dive in!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months
As mentioned above, this is a vatted from 40 total barrels from three different states. While the team at Pursuit United doesn’t release the Tennessee distillery name, we know the juices from Kentucky and New York are from Bardstown Bourbon Company and Finger Lakes Distilling, respectively. This final release of 2021 from Pursuit United put 9,342 bottles on the market in six states (Colorado, Georgia, Illinois, Tennessee, Texas, and Kentucky) and is available online via Seelbachs.com.
Tasting Notes:
The nose opens with a rush of cedar next to Christmas spices steeped in sweet red wine. That sweetness tends to lean into fresh honey with a touch of caramel and maybe a little dark chocolate on the end. The taste holds onto the honeyed sweetness with burnt sugars, light cedar, chocolate tobacco leaves, and a hint of orange oils. That orange is what builds and powers the finish to its silken end, concluding with an orange-choco vibe and a very soft landing.
This was first introduced in 1997. The juice is hand-selected from barrels on the upper floors of Jack’s vast rickhouses. The whisky is bottled at a slightly higher proof to allow the nuance of the juice to shine.
Tasting Notes:
The classic Jack banana notes are drawn way back here and replaced by a clear sense of toasted oak. That oak is the underpinning for notes of caramel corn, mild spice, and plenty of oily vanilla beans. The sweet banana fruit is there and marries well to a peppery spice, cherry gum, and mulled wine that amps up as the end draws near with plenty of that toasted wood lingering the longest.
Bottom Line:
This is a modern classic. The whole single barrel program at Jack Daniel’s has been instrumental in reintroducing the brand to a whole new generation and this bottle is at the forefront.
Best Luxury Whiskey — Old Fitzgerald Bottled-in-Bond Spring 2022
This whiskey was distilled and laid down in barrels back in 2004. The barrels were vatted after 17 years and proofed down to the bottled-in-bond standard of 100 proof and then bottled in the iconic Old Fitz decanter for a Spring 2022 release.
Tasting Notes:
A hint of woodiness comes through on the nose via cherry tree bark with the faintest echo of dried rose next to soft vanilla oil, a hint of cedar, a distant thought of old leather, and a touch of burnt orange peels. The palate starts off softly with a lush vanilla cream that builds towards a winter spice matrix of nutmeg, allspice, and clove with a touch of cherrywood that sweetens toward dried cherries. That mid-palate builds on the cherry with spices (nutmeg and allspice) and sticky tobacco vibes as the finish arrives next to a super creamy dark cherry in vanilla cream feel with a dusting of dark chocolate and more of that dry cherry tree bark.
Bottom Line:
This is just straight up one of the best whiskeys of 2022. If it’s not in my top ten at the end of the year, I’ll be shocked.
Best American Single Malt — Cedar Ridge Distillery The QuintEssential
This whiskey is all about a grain-to-glass experience. The juice is made with 100 percent 2-Row Pale Malted Barley (the same stuff used in some of the biggest craft beers) from up in Saskatchewan. The whiskey is then matured in ex-bourbon barrels for an undisclosed term. That whiskey is then finished in a combination of brandy, rum, wine, port, and sherry barrels before it’s vatted. The whiskey’s blend is finally made using the solera method — where the vat is never fully emptied before the next barrel is added.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is full of bright fruit with a peach and pear vibe that leans into a malty banana bread with plenty of butter, cinnamon, and walnut next to a touch of Almond Joy (but the good ones from a high-end shop). The palate is soft and subtle with hints of spiced malted gingersnaps, light cream soda vibes (maybe a light sasparilla), and a mellow and creamy base of chocolate that’s not dark but not milky either. The mid-palate has a nice sweetness that’s slightly apple adjacent with an apricot hint that mellows into a final note of chewy toffees with rum-raisin lurking on the very backend.
The Bottle:
I really enjoyed this American single malt. It’s a great example of the huge potential for the style. It’s also a damn fine sipper.
Best Rye Whiskey — BLACKENED X Willett Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey Finished In Madeira Casks
This new release from Metallica’s BLACKENED is a masterful collaboration with Willett. The rye is a blend of whiskeys that were aged around six or seven years (with one barrel up to eight years old) that are vatted and then finished in Madeira casks. After an undisclosed amount of time mellowing in those casks, the whiskey is then bottled as-is at cask strength.
Tasting Notes:
This is a berry bomb on the nose with raspberries mingling with Bing cherries, blackberry, and maybe even some tart red currants while this strawberry-mint vibe veers the nose towards a hint of burnt spices. The taste leans into fruit with a strawberry-rhubarb cobbler feel next to plenty of vanilla, bitter cacao nibs, cherry-kissed oak, and a hint of, I want to say, Chardonnay. The savory and tart end of the fruits really kicks in late with figs and more rhubarb leading the charge towards a subtly sweet and spicy end that’s like a spicy plum pudding wrapped in a cherry tobacco leaf.
Bottom Line:
This is a delicious whiskey. I do prefer it over a single rock to help bring out all that dark fruit, but it’s perfectly fine neat.
Best Single Barrel Rye — 291 Colorado Whiskey Finished with Aspen Staves, Barrel Proof Single Barrel
291 uses a quick aging process. For this single barrel expression of rye whiskey, they added Aspen wood staves into the barrels to accelerate the aging process while adding depth to the spirit. Once those barrels hit just the right flavor profile, they were bottled as a single barrel expression with no fussing, filtering, or cutting.
“Rich caramel is braced by a medley of sweet and herbal spice. This high octane offering is built sturdy and is packed with flavor. A few drops of water tames the beast!”
Bottom Line:
291 always hits it out of the park with their single barrel program. Their single barrel bourbons are stellar — so it makes sense that this would be too.
Best World Whiskey — Single Malts of India Neidhal
This Peated Indian single malt whisky is from the famed Amrut Distillery. The juice is a special release of 12,000 bottles that highlight the “Neidhal” or coastal region and the tropical vibes of Southern India.
“This is a light and smoky peated whisky, with a cooling, inviting peat character. A big, robust nose that gets the mouth-watering, and on the palate it doesn’t disappoint.”
Bottom Line:
Coastal peated single malt is my jam. I’m looking forward to tracking this one down and diving in.
While Uncle Nearest is distilling their own juice these days, this is still the work of Master Blender Victoria Eady Butler with carefully sourced Tennessee whiskey barrels. In this case, Eady Bulter hand-selected the best-of-the-best from their inventory to create the perfect whiskey to exemplify the brand and Tennesee whiskey traditions.
Tasting Notes:
This draws you in with a piping hot fresh batch of cinnamon rolls with plenty of white sauce frosting, cinnamon and brown sugar filling, a touch of nutmeg, pecans, firewood bark, and a hint of pipe tobacco. The palate delivers on the bigger notes of the nose with pecan shells, cinnamon sticks dipped in cherry syrup, wet corn husks, old leather gloves that have worked in dirt and firewood, and mild yet spiced cherry tobacco. That mild cherry sweetness drives the mid-palate toward a hint of maple syrup that leans woody as firewood piled in black dirt rounding out the finish with an echo more of that peppery tobacco.
Bottom Line:
This is quality juice. It’s also a great example of the heights ahead for Uncle Nearest as a brand.
This blended whisky is a mash-up of corn and rye whiskies, which equate to a mash bill of 80 percent corn, 19 percent rye, and a mere one percent malted barley. Those whiskies are sourced from barrels that are between 21 and 25 years old. Once vatted, the whisky is bottled as-is with no water, filtering, or coloring.
This Carolina whiskey uses wood and spice to create its flavor profile. Oak chips and cinnamon sticks are added to the barrel during aging to create a cinnamon underbelly. The whiskey is then cut down to 85 proof with no added sugars, artificial flavors, or colors.
“Cinnamon on the nose translates to great ground cinnamon texture and taste on the palate. Full of flavor and not oversweet.”
Bottom Line:
Okay, you had me at “not oversweet.” I generally stay far away from these whiskeys due to way too much sugar usually being involved. This is intriguing. I might chase a bottle down.
The expression from Speyside’s Aberlour also uses old bourbon for its primary maturation and ex-sherry for its finishing maturation. Finally, it’s proofed down with soft Speyside water and bottled as-is.
Tasting Notes:
You’re drawn in with a note of hard butterscotch candies next to a touch of chinotto (bittersweet Italian orange), butter toffee, and the slightest wisp of peach pits. The taste builds out from that peach pit layer with a note of ripe peach flesh and fuzzy skin while jammy blackberry leads towards a soft cedar. The finish really takes its time and leaves you with a silken texture next to a honeyed sweetness and a final roundness of vanilla cream.
Bottom Line:
This is a stellar single malt. Pour it over a single rock to let it bloom and take your time enjoying this one.
Waterford is an interesting experiment in whiskey, in general. This expression utilizes the distillery’s many single-farm-origin whiskeys to create something heightened. The whiskey is a blend of those single farm whiskeys that highlight the terroir from all around Ireland, along with Waterford’s high-level skills.
Tasting Notes:
Red apple peels and rye crust open the nose before soft soil and green grass takes over. The palate is all about the butterscotch candies, with light florals, oat cookies, orange peels, and fresh mint acting as support. The mid-palate has a clove candy vibe that leads to white pepper, grapefruit peel, dark chocolate and cherry tobacco, and a final note of poppyseed cake.
Bottom Line:
This is interesting whiskey. It’s light yet deep while having a malty backbone that still feels familiar. It’s a damn nice pour, especially with a little water or a rock.
Tom Hanks won two Best Actor Oscars in a row. One of them, 1994’s Forrest Gump, he recently defended against the backlash it beat Pulp Fiction for Best Picture. But when discussing the other, 1993’s Philadelphia, with The New York Times Magazine, he had a more mixed response. He didn’t think the movie was bad. He simply thought he personally could not do it today.
In Philadelphia, Hanks played a high-ranking lawyer who is gay and who is slowly succumbing to AIDS. He has concealed both facts from the rest of his firm. When they find out, they fire him, and he sues them for wrongful dismissal, with the help of a homophobic attorney (Denzel Washington) who slowly comes to change his ways.
“Could a straight man do what I did in Philadelphia now? No, and rightly so,” Hanks told the publication. “The whole point of Philadelphia was, ‘Don’t be afraid.’ One of the reasons people weren’t afraid of that movie is that I was playing a gay man. We’re beyond that now, and I don’t think people would accept the inauthenticity of a straight guy playing a gay guy. It’s not a crime, it’s not boohoo, that someone would say we are going to demand more of a movie in the modern realm of authenticity. Do I sound like I’m preaching? I don’t mean to.”
Representation has become a major concern in Hollywood, with actors coming under fire for taking, for instance, minority roles that could go to minority performers. Scarlett Johansson, for instance, backed out of playing a trans character as recently in 2018 after public backlash, later calling her taking the role “tone deaf.”
Meanwhile, Hanks will soon hit nationwide screens in Baz Luhrmann’s epic biopic Elvis, in which Hanks once again does one of his outrageous accents.
I am not afraid to call myself the foremost global expert on boxed mac & cheese. Not like that’s some incredible thing to brag about, but still… I’m the guy. It’s me.
Here’s my reasoning:
I actually like boxed mac & cheese. A lot. I’ve had boxed mac meals that I’ll remember longer than certain middling pasta dishes in Italy.
I still eat boxed mac. Some might say too often. Probably at least five times a month. And I generally like it more than the fancier versions at restaurants where the chef has a butchery chart tattooed on his forearm.
I can place it in a very broad context. I get to taste some incredibly elevated dishes as a food writer and have traveled to 50+ countries as a travel writer. So when I talk about this dish, I’m able to reflect on it both globally and on the massive food spectrum from “mass-produced slop” to “haute cuisine” — I will now wedgie myself for typing all of that.
I care enough about the dish to brag about my authority on it. Who the hell else would do that? What a dork! But I stand by my dorky brag.
Anyway, don’t expect any expert quotes here. I’ll be relying on myself as a resource and you should be damned glad to have me. Because I have some serious thoughts about what makes a good boxed mac & cheese:
Noodles that stay al dente AF. Boxed mac is cheap. Sometimes that means that the noodles are terrible. I have no idea how much money a brand can save by ditching cheap-but-good noodles for slightly-cheaper-but-trash noodles but I guarantee that the purchasing agents at some of these brands know. And they occasionally opt for slightly-cheaper-but-trash.
Cheese that hits you in the sharp cheddar pleasure centers. Aged, sharp cheddar should have pieces of calcium lactate in it. Those “flavor crystals” ignite your salivary glands in a way that few foods can. Good mac and cheese can have a similar effect — it sounds crazy, but it’s true. That’s the goal, to hit the salivary glands like a proper sharp cheddar.
It can’t have a bunch of mess-ups in the name of cost. Remember that for a box of mac to sell at your grocer for $1.75, it has to wholesale at around $0.88. This means it probably gets made for a raw materials cost of $0.44 (grocery markups are usually 100% up and down the supply chain). The result of this cheapness is that (at least) one wrong decision is often made in the name of price.
It can’t have a bunch of mess-ups in the name of being the new, cool kids of mac. We’re in the midst of a Consumer Packaged Goods (CPG) revolution. Barriers to entry are lower than ever and brands can advertise on social media. It’s a boom that mac & cheese has very much been part of, as chefs who grew up with Kraft think “Maybe this is a category that I can improve and profit off of!” The problem is that trying to overthink boxed mac often makes it worse.
If you read all of that and you’re still interested, well, you’re in the right place. Because I bought up every dang box of mac & cheese I could find on the grocery store shelves and prepared them all to the exact specifications outlined on each respective box. Note: That means a ton of butter and milk and a generally soupy mac in many cases. In reality, I think the right preparation is probably something like Cliff Booth does it in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood— pasta water, maybe a little butter, and the cheese packet. (Add a little bulk powdered cheese and a white cheddar cube if you want to overload it.)
Holy hell, this is poison. I mean literal death. And I love Kraft. Spoiler, it ranks very highly here. And yet… yuck. Pasta is not meant to be microwaved and…
How much do I have to write? It’s gross. A slurry of mealy-yet-soggy noodles in a cheese sludge. No more explanation needed — I feel like if I go on any longer I’m going to just use the word “sludge” over and over, which is dull.
The Bottom Line:
Seriously, do not buy this under any circumstance. When the end of the world comes and we all storm 7-11 for food, take the gum first. Grab the frozen burritos. Eat cigarettes. These are not meant to enter a human body under any circumstance.
What a f*cking mess. Whatever method they used to add protein to this was the wrong one. A little packet of toasted walnuts to sprinkle on top would have been waaaayyy better. Also, how desperate are you to get 12g of protein in your body if you need your mac & cheese to deliver it? Buy some pistachios!
Okay, the taste — yeeeech. You know that line from “Rapper’s Delight” where he says “the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mush, and the chicken tastes like wood”? No? Well, I queued it up for you.
This mac fits all three of those descriptors — soggy, mush, and tastes like wood. Yes, I cooked it right. It’s HARD to mess up noodles with gluten in them, but Annies did it!
The Bottom Line:
This mac & cheese fails the number one rule of transforming non-healthy foods into semi-healthy foods: IT STILL HAS TO TASTE GOOD.
This is wretched. Again, there have to be better ways to consume kale quickly. Like, considering the amount of actual kale, maybe… just freaking bite a piece of kale? One leaf should do it. And then eat your regular mac and cheese, y’know? Doesn’t that make more sense than dumping chlorophyll-infused cheese powder on noodles and having the whole thing look vaguely green in an off-putting way and tasting of strange health food powder made from seaweed?
Look, I often add kale to my boxed mac. All the time. Mac & cheese & kale is pretty much standard at hipster restaurants. But making the kale into a powder is the wrong call. It just doesn’t even come close to working.
The Bottom Line:
Someone should have stopped this somewhere along the way to say, “Team, this just doesn’t work — flavor-wise — so let’s go back to the drawing board.”
If we’re being honest, this should be filed under “unranked” — it’s so far outside the parameters of what we’re trying to do here. Still, I like being complete, so here goes:
From my — clearly anguished — tasting notes:
“Here I am, taking boxed macaroni & cheese incredibly seriously. A man in the middle of his career intellectualizing food that he’s been eating since he was six. And then into the mix we throw this… neon pink mac & cheese that tastes exactly like a neon red snack it’s made from. But this is meant to be a meal and is therefore far more embarrassing than even a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, which is already a relatively embarrassing snack for an adult human to eat.”
“Am I supposed to review this? How? It is precisely what it promises. There is no cheese flavor anymore, it just tastes ‘flamin’,’ which is the worst type of spice — more acrid and scalding than any sort of chili pepper flavor. To be more precise, it tastes of spice conveyed via chemicals that are not particularly fit for human consumption, with a slight overtone of instant ramen — a flavor note I have always gotten from Flamin’ Hot Cheetos products. As if there is perhaps a little bit of chicken seasoning inside the whole mix to give it a false sort of heartiness.
I could go on, but that would be futile. The packaging is truthful here and tells you what you need to know.
The Bottom Line:
These are for the person who looks at the grocery store shelf, sees Cheeto Flamin’ Hot Mac & Cheese, and says, “Yes, I want to eat that.” If you are that person, you will not be disappointed. The rest of us should stay miles away.
I’ve never eaten at a Cracker Barrel but it sounds like a place that would be absolutely overloaded with salt. So I was precisely 0.00% surprised when I discovered that this is overly salty. It does have more of true white cheddar taste than Kraft or Velveeta — which I like — but really… the flavor here is 99% just salt.
I feel like even these noodles and the box are probably made out of salt — the way Catherine Zeta-Jone’s character made trinkets out of cocaine in Traffic. It’s silky and smooth and the noodles are al dente but what reasonable human would prefer this salt bomb when there are so many options on the market?
The Bottom Line:
From my tasting notes: “Salt. Salt. Salt. Salt.” Clearly, I’m a food reviewing talent to be reckoned with.
Considering that this is a pretty straightforward entry and the straightforward entries do well in this ranking, there’s actually so much about this brand that I don’t like. The powder is sort of grainy and the cheese tastes faker than most of them. Yes, I realize that this effect could be some sort of switcheroo and that my palate is calibrated to something more fake so an un-fake product seems to taste fake but… whatever. I don’t like the cheese.
Fake or real, what cheesiness there is gets delivered with a whole lot of salt. The noodles are fine and springy in a way that I enjoy but that graininess is hard to get over upon multiple bites. It might seem small but it’s definitely something that would make me specifically avoid this brand, which is saying a fair bit in a genre where almost every product is at least “passable.”
The Bottom Line:
Eating this is like voluntarily getting sand in your teeth. Though, feel free to take that with a grain of salt… Of which this brand contains waaaaay too many.
This mac is like the “Seven-minute abs” convo from Something About Mary. The competition is doing three-cheese? We’ll do four!
But the four cheeses are the wrong ones. It’s too funky and just generally un-harmonious. It’s a nice concept but it’s not working — in part because mac & cheese really only needs one cheese: sharp cheddar. Anyway, this is odd on the palate, it’s confusing and muddled and the gorgonzola notes push it in the wrong direction.
The Bottom Line:
A mildly good idea with a specifically bad execution.
Another really interesting idea with sloppy execution. I often dice up jalapenos or serranos in my boxed mac. But powder-fying them takes away everything about the peppers that is green and bright except the color itself, which is the one part that you don’t want.
Anyway, I’m happy to see rotini getting some shine (my favorite noodle!) and they stay al dente, but the spice and cheese and color don’t quite work. Copy this with a better mac and real jalapenos and you’re in for a treat.
The Bottom Line:
Solid idea made bad because of the limits of factory-produced food.
These noodles beg to get soggy. This is wild because all the other organic noodles I’ve ever tasted in my life do a great job staying al dente. But these… well, you need to track them with a 10-digit timer to make sure you get them cooked right. I haven’t messed up noodles in decades and I messed these up.
Even if you didn’t make that mistake, the powder is too fine. Rather than clumping in a way that makes them feel extra cheesy like Kraft, this powder feels like it’s trying to polish your teeth. The cheese taste doesn’t taste chemical-y, but it doesn’t have any piquancy or sharpness either. It’s bland.
The Bottom Line:
This mac & cheese is trash. You had GLUTEN to work with! You had DAIRY! How could you possibly mess these up this bad?
The Bottom Line:
It’s so hard to get me to say “meh” about mac, but I said it here.
I guess what I have to say here is that these taste exactly like Cheetos and what I have to say about that is that Cheetos probably should not be turned into an entrée. It is a lot of Cheeto-ness, which is distinctly different from “cheesiness.” This cheese actually tastes like Cheeto dust. That tastes a lot better on a puffed corn tube than it does on rotini.
The Bottom Line:
Cheetos are the right form factor for Cheetos cheese. Not pasta.
THE LONG, UNINSPIRED MIDDLE
21. FULL CIRCLE — Cheddar (Gluten Free)
Steve Bramucci
Price:
Tasting Notes:
These are pretty “fine.” The noodles aren’t the best gluten-free entry on this list, but they’re not terrible. The cheese is a little too powdery. The flavor is just okay. Not much more to say — with such a saturated market, there’s literally no reason you can’t do better.
The Bottom Line:
This product is not offensively bad but nothing should compel you to purchase it.
All of my complaints about “sauce” mac & cheese vs. “powder” are evident here, so I might as well lay them out once, so I can re-reference them:
Liquid sauce macs always read a bit too salty to me. You get some of that classic Kraft boxed dinner taste but you also get some really strong sodium.
While I like the creaminess of fake cheese, it’s almost a bridge too far — you taste the fakeness more because the cheese is too silky.
The noodles are the wrong size. Mac & cheese should be coated with sauce (with a tight noodle that’s almost like bucatini) not filled with sauce, which happens when you use a broader noodle. It throws off the golden ratio.
The Bottom Line:
Not terrible. But I am definitely confused by people who buy this over traditional boxed Kraft boxed mac. It’s worse in literally every way.
19. WALMART GREAT VALUE — Shells & Cheese (Three Cheese)
As I was leaving on an international trip, I raced to Walmart because some cornball on OTHER SITE REDACTED who copied our blind tasting format named this brand the best. As a person who actually writes about food, I’m here to tell you — it is not. Not even particularly close. Even considering the absurdly low price.
The noodles stay al dente, which is nice, but there’s a general fakeness and cheapness that permeates every part of this product. It has some residual cardboard taste. The cheese is grainy in an offputting way. It’s mac & cheese that’s been pushed way too hard to be cheap.
The Bottom Line:
Not trash. Just too cheap — with small but noticeable flaws (to the refined palate!) that signal as much.
18. CRACKER BARREL — Sharp Cheddar Mac & Cheese Dinner
It’s not as bad as the Cracker Barrel “Pure Salt” flavor but it’s still overly salty and the silkiness is still weird and chemical-feeling to me. You’d have to really like Cracker Barrel to seek this out. Do people stan that brand hard? Hard enough to want to but this with 17 better options on the market?
The Bottom Line:
Not putrid. But still salty with an overly broad noodle and fake smoothness.
This is the first brand that truly feels like it was made for small children. It’s just so mild. So delicate on the palate.
WHAT IS THIS, MAC & CHEESE FOR ANTS?!?!?
There’s not much wrong with it in any technical sense. The noodles are fine but overall everything is just too light and the flavors are faint. The cheese doesn’t really have any punch. That’s probably because TJ’s didn’t use some cool weird chemical that’s horrible for me but nevertheless — it doesn’t taste the best.
I like Velveeta. I make sloppy joes with Velveeta singles twice or three times a year and Velveeta nachos once a year when I’m ready to indulge. But, once again, these “cheese sauce” macs are uniformly oversalted. And this is coming from someone who has lived and worked in the food industry (where we all blow our palates out with salt) and who definitely enjoys salt in the right measure.
This is the highest-ranked of the liquid cheese bunch simply because Velveeta is comfort food for me and ignites a sense memory. It’s creamy, sure, but these cheese sauce macs have a type of creaminess that hits the uncanny valley — they approximate creaminess with chemicals but the texture reads more “space-age polymers” than “tasty food I like eating.”
The Bottom Line:
The best of the “cheese sauce” macs. But that’s not saying much.
The two major problems with gluten-free pasta are 1) they don’t taste like anything gluten and 2) they don’t stay al dente. For those of us who love pasta and particularly love gluten, those are big hurdles. For what it’s worth, I think the latter is a bigger problem than the former. This pasta doesn’t taste strictly like flour-and-egg-based pasta, but it definitely stays al dente. Impressively so. And once you have the cheese mixed in, you’re really not missing much.
It’s less salty than most of its competitors and still has that sharp cheesy flavor that hits you in the back corners of your mouth. I’m declaring it right now: this is ar GF brand that can box it out with the gluten brands.
The Bottom Line:
I really like this one a lot. It’s not going to hit anyone’s number one but it’s definitely one to grab if you’re staying away from gluten. Very functional.
As I try to veer a (tiny little bit) away from consuming 13 pounds of gluten every day, I’ve gotten very into this brand. The cheese is — mysteriously — better than the non-GF version by TJs and the rice noodles definitely stay al dente. (Note: they will get soggy and start to melt together, so you have to keep them really al dente, which I don’t mind.)
There’s actually a mysterious thing that happens in that the noodles sort of… give off a rice liquid in the pot. So when they’re hot and you add butter and cheese and milk, they all congeal and the sauce is incredibly silky. It’s a weird — and welcome — feature. That said, this pasta does carry some “rice” flavor to it. It’s not going to fool you into thinking it’s regular pasta.
The Bottom Line:
A very solid gluten-free product with an incredibly silky sauce. That said, it’s definitely made with rice and you do taste that.
White cheddar is an interesting conceit in mac & cheese. Typically, white cheddar is aged longer and therefore sharper. But in this case, it means that there’s an absence of cheddar flavor and instead leans more into other white hard cheeses, like Parmesan or Asiago.
Also, while the powder is a little finer in this cheese, it actually dissolves less readily — so you can get a little bit of grainy mouthfeel. On top of that, shells aren’t really the right form for boxed mac & cheese — they take longer to cook and they can be a little stiff. Overall, this is more of an Italian dish than true ‘merican mac & cheese.
The Bottom Line:
Fine for what it is, but the white cheddar obsession in the mac & cheese market, if well-intentioned, is misguided.
Goodles is an upstart brand big on IG and co-owned by Gal Gadot and this is their “three cheese” or “white cheddar” flavor. It features two hard cheeses — asiago and parmesan. As such, it’s a very good version of the product (which has become a very established mac & cheese subcategory). So good, in fact, that it’s practically not mac & cheese. It pretty much veers into being an instant Italian meal.
(In fact, Goodles, which — spoiler — fared very well in this ranking, also has a cacio e pepe flavor that I’m not reviewing because it’s fully an Italian dish and not what American diners know as mac & cheese at all.)
All of that said, this tastes really good and wisely uses spirals. Whatever is good for us about these (that’s the conceit of Googles — like Freak Flag and other brands) isn’t something you can taste. The flavor actually is rich with hard Italian cheeses, which is — again — really tasty.
Alas, I’m a cheddar cheese loyalist when it comes to mac and cheese. If I want parmesan with noodles, I’ll make it myself.
The Bottom Line:
Great for what it is. But the product is sort of tangential to what we know as “boxed mac & cheese.”
I’m not exactly sure what market segment this is trying to fill. It tastes mostly like the regular Kraft mac & cheese, although it’s done with a shell which is kinda-fine but certainly not better. I find it endlessly fascinating that they called this “three cheese” but make absolutely no mention of what three kinds of cheese there are. Not on the box, not on the website.
These cheeses are known only as cheese one, cheese two, and cheese three. Do they think salt is a cheese? That’s my bet.
The Bottom Line:
This is fine but if you’re going with Kraft I don’t think this is any more cheesy or flavorful than the OG. Unless you are a zebra and spend your days at the salt licks of the Sahara and therefore need a little more salt in your life in order to taste something. In that case… maybe.
What’s different from this and the main Annie’s flavor? The idea that it’s aged? Shells? Are there people who really look for shells? I don’t like them as a mac & cheese form factor (have I said that yet? Should I mention it a few more times?). Part of the shell often stays overly al dente.
Besides that gripe, these are pretty solid — the cheese flavor is good and I like that they just zeroed in on cheddar.
The Bottom Line:
Solid but also pretty forgettable, especially with so many Annie’s varieties on the market.
This brand is… sort of idiotic in its marketing? It calls itself “plant-based” to mean that the noodles are gluten-free and made with some interesting veggies. Carrots, for example. But… wheat is also a plant, fam. Also, two apostrophes is too many for mac & cheese. Who does your packaging?
That said: This tastes an awful lot like Kraft while still being “healthy.” It’s the best gluten-free brand I’ve found and, as you can see, I’ve tried them all. My partner and I have probably about 10 arguments per year about how often I make mac & cheese and I feel like this is going to be the brand that helps me win the war.
There’s some slight graininess to the cheese, but this definitely doesn’t need a consolation contest to compete. The noodles still fall apart a little bit but it’s something a true Italian might notice, definitely not your kids or your drunk friends at the kicker. The cheddar taste is nice and strong and unlike Trader Joe’s GF option — which is also really good — it doesn’t taste quite so strong of its alternate products used to make the noodle.
The Bottom Line:
The best gluten-free mac & cheese on the market.
8) ANNIE’S — Mac & [EXTREME] cheese (shells & white cheddar)
You have to respect Annie‘s for taking a Kraft Macaroni & Cheese marketing scheme from the 80s, “Kraft cheese and macaroni!” — which was deemed too decadent for them — and applying it to a wholesome organic foods brand.
This is exactly the same as the other Annie’s white cheddar flavor but with more cheese. It’s EXTREME. But in lowercase, because it’s Annie’s and super polite. Jabs aside, it’s really tasty and does a better job approximating white cheddar than any other brand except Goodles.
The Bottom Line:
More cheese is, generally speaking, better. If there’s a saturation point, Annie’s hasn’t found it yet.
7) GOODLES — “Shella Good” Aged White Cheddar And Shells
As I referenced before, I think the people who make macaroni and cheese are confused about the true difference between white cheddar and orange cheddar, which is really just dye. But even on store shelves, white cheddar is usually aged more and therefore sharper; orange cheddar is more basic, for the mainstream palate.
So you would think that white cheddar flavors would have a sharper cheddar taste, right?
Wrong. Instead, they taste like hard cheeses — parm, asiago, pecorino — but the cheddary-ness is lost, This flavor, in particular, really resembles more of an Italian grana padano than it does any sort of cheddar. Still, some of the qualities that Goodles gets right are in evidence here. The noodles are high quality, as is the cheese. And the flavor balance is on point.
If I want “white cheddar” mac & cheese, I’ll order the superb Hoosier Hill Farm white cheddar powder. But if I can’t have that, this is a solid second option.
The Bottom Line:
A quality product that doesn’t seem to fully savvy what the hell white cheddar actually is.
As the person who has probably eaten the most boxes of Kraft macaroni & cheese (“Kraft Dinner” in Canada) currently alive, I can say with authority that you’d have to be a little bit insane to make this to the specifications on the box. Four tablespoons is just way too much butter for the amount of noodles and a whole cup of milk turns it into soup. I would go with about two tablespoons of butter and no milk or just a capful — that gives you the cheesiness that hits you in the back of your taste buds. If you’re going to use the specified level of butter, find a non-salted butter because again this becomes too much salt.
What works here is the cheesiness. It’s sharp and distinct and its own flavor. Whereas the powder from many brands in the field tastes dusty or grainy, this cheese clumps a little, which is actually good. It’s sort of like how we don’t notice pepper in our food but if we forgot to wash our spinach right, we’d notice the grain of the residual dirt no matter how many other ingredients were added (obviously this has happened to me). The fineness of the grain matters. Not sure if that all makes sense but the way this powder can clump if not mixed is really tasty to me.
As for the noodles, they are fine but warning — they go from al dente to soggy fast. I boil these for about five minutes. Eight, which the box recommends, sounds literally terrifying but I am aware that this is a food mostly consumed by kids.
The Bottom Line:
Incredible cheesiness and the recipe that defined the genre, but to experience it at its best you should modify it from the instructions on the box.
Kraft was stupid to ditch its extra cheese plan from the “Kraft CHEESE and macaroni”-era. Cheese tastes good and more cheese tastes better. Considering that most of these cheese products are made out of whey protein and dried milk solid, it’s not exactly like they increase the calories a ton. The noodles are al dente and there’s a taste of sharp cheddar and the sort of overload of cheese that you want from a totally indulgent boxed product meant to hit some comfort notes.
The Bottom Line:
These are great. Macaroni instead of shells would have been even better.
4) BACK TO NATURE — Organic Crazy Bugs Macaroni & Cheese Dinner
This brand seems to have some serious distribution problems. That’s a shame because it’s incredibly tasty. The website boasts a mac version of this product but I’ve never seen it and even this one I had to get online. Maybe the brand is defunct? Or were they part of some mysterious class-action lawsuit that also killed the very similar tasting Kraft Organic? (The now defunct Kraft Organic — like Back to Nature — paired organic noodles with non-organic cheese, which seems to present a tricky marketing conundrum.)
Anyyyyway, this is really good. Those shapes hold cheese beautifully and stay al dente nicely. They even have some true Italian spring to them. And the cheese is excellent product that isn’t powdery and has some bite.
I had a real Kraft Spirals phase when I was about ten. Whereas I think shells are the wrong form for powdered cheese, spirals work great. The noodles are better at staying al dente and the cheese is classic Kraft — it’s comfort food for kids who grew up in the ’80s.
From my tasting notes after 20-some boxes: “I have a feeling this is going to be ranked pretty high — it’s not as good as that mythical Kraft Organic that disappeared from stores, but it’s pretty close.”
The Bottom Line:
This beats the OG Kraft simply because there’s more margin for error when cooking the noodles.
As we’ve seen, Annie’s has way too many flavors. That said, the OGs are fantastic. I sort of hate to say that something is “better than the Kraft” — I have a lot of loyalty there! — but… this is better. The macaroni stays al dente longer and the flavor is not quite as salty. It actually has more calories but less sodium than Kraft, which is more or less in line with what I expected from the taste.
As hinted at above, there was a time when Kraft had an organic noodle paired with non-organic cheese but they didn’t clarify that on the box and the product probably got them in some trouble before disappearing altogether. For years, I could get it from Canada on Amazon and then for a while on eBay. Now it’s gone — everywhere. Anyway, that was the best mac & cheese I’d tasted for decades. It would’ve done really well in this ranking.
This is reasonable facsimile of that. It’s like Kraft but slightly less artificial in ways that won’t bother someone who is fine with artificial stuff but will please someone looking for something more natural.
The Bottom Line:
Silky and cheesy and al dente and a little bit sharp — this is a sterling product and I’d happily give it #1, if I hadn’t found…
Our winner shocked me for a whole bunch of reasons. Not the least of which is that they apparently use the same iridescent food packet supplier as the guy I get my psilocybin gummies from. More to the point, every other mac on this list that has tried to “sneak” healthiness into the dish has failed miserably. Those are some of the lowest-ranked boxes, and then here we are with a “healthy mac” at number one. What a world!
To be clear, the reason I usually hate foods that sneak vitamins in is not that I don’t like vitamins. In fact, sneaking vitamins into beloved foods is one of my own favorite cooking tricks. The problem is that with CPG foods, it’s done so clumsily that you taste the healthy stuff and the food almost separately, as if someone crumbled a multivitamin over French fries or ground up a fiber caplet on top of a nacho. But somehow it works here! The noodles taste ever so slightly of chlorophyll — because they have broccoli and kale snuck into them (way smarter than putting it in the powder) — but it’s not overly noticeable. It’s more like if someone boiled some spinach and kale in the same water they used to boil the noodles. I could care less about how healthy they are (I can’t imagine they’re all that good for you) but that added flavor layer actually works.
The cheese powder is incredibly cheesy. Like Kraft cheesy. Hit’s you hard on the sides of your tongue and not overly powdery. The noodles stay al dente. I could go on but I don’t have to, beyond saying this with complete certainty…
The Bottom Line:
This is the best boxed macaroni and cheese on the market right now. Period. End of discussion. Trust me.
When Megan Thee Stallion first previewed the scathing “Plan B” at Coachella, fans were excited about the new, brazen sound that Megan appeared to be experimenting. The Houston-native rapper is hard at work on the follow-up to her 2020 album, Good News, and in an interview with Rolling Stone, she revealed that she would be taking a more personal approach with her craft.
“I want to take you through so many different emotions,” she said of the upcoming album. “At first you was twerking, now you might be crying.”
Megan previewed several new songs to the magazine, including one called “Gift And Curse,” produced by Murda Beatz. On the song’s chorus, she raps, “A b*tch like me, yeah, I know my worth / F*cking with me is a gift and a curse.” When speaking of the song’s creation, Megan said, “I can take care of myself. I’m so emotionally strong. I’m so independent. You know how easy it is for me to dismiss you, because I don’t need you.”
In addition to “Gift And Curse,” Megan also previewed a more upbeat song called “Pressurelicious.” “Pressurelicious” features Future, who Megan says is “unapologetically himself.”
“I appreciate that about anybody who gets up and has to do anything in the public eye,” she said of Future. “Anybody who has to read about their life online every day and deal with so many energies and can put it out into their music and do it gracefully, I feel like you deserve your flowers.”
At the time of the interview, Megan had “25 to 30” songs she was narrowing down for the album’s final tracklist. She hopes to have the album out before the end of the summer.
Megan Thee Stallion is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
There are lots of great drive-thrus and fast-casual restaurants where you can grab a tasty burger. Simply type “best burger near me” into Yelp or Google maps and you’re sure to find a joint that will satisfy your cravings. But “satisfy” isn’t good enough — we need our mind’s blown. We only want to eat burgers that ignite the tastebuds, activate the salivary glands, and inspire audible mmms and oooohhhhs.
Anything less just isn’t good eating.
With that mandate in mind, we’re running through the single best burger (spoiler: they all have cheese) at every single big chains across the fast food universe. Anything goes in this compendium of great burgers — we’ve included menu items, off-menu “secret” options, and even some tried and tested hacks. If you follow this guide you’ll have the keys to the best burger you can possibly eat at chains nationwide. You’re not going to be disappointed on our watch!
Let’s get to burger-ing!
A&W — Papa Burger
A&W
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
Unfortunately, this big burger list isn’t exactly starting our list off with a bang. In truth, A&W is only here for the sake of being complete — not because we actually think you should buy a burger from this chain. But if you do happen to find yourself wandering into an A&W with no other options in sight, you can’t go wrong with the Papa Burger.
Well, scratch that, you can go very wrong with the Papa Burger, sometimes the lettuce is so wilted it’s translucent, the cheese rarely melts, and the meat is always dry, but… it could be worse! You could be eating a Papa Burger with bacon, which A&W somehow messed up colossally — the bacon is chewy, oily, and never crispy enough.
Maybe just order a root beer float and call it a day?
The Bottom Line:
The Papa Burger stands as A&Ws best burger, which isn’t saying a whole lot.
For being a place called “Burger King” BK has some pretty consistently awful burgers. It’s ironic, considering the chain’s flagship burger is the “Whopper” — commonly defined something that is extremely or unusually large, or a gross or blatant lie. To me, the Whopper tastes like the latter definition. It’s dry, bland, and one of fast food’s worst burgers.
So is all hope lost? No. Grab the Rodeo Burger instead. The Rodeo Burger remedies some of BK’s Whopper issues. By slathering the burger in BBQ sauce, the often-dry beef takes on a sweet quality with a smokiness that plays in harmony with the charred flavor of BK’s grills.
We’re big fans of Burger King’s Onion Rings in general, but in this burger, they add a sweet and spicy bite that lingers on the backend. We add cheese, but on this rare occasion, you don’t absolutely need it. BK’s cheese doesn’t melt anyway.
The Bottom Line:
The best burger at a restaurant named for burgers that isn’t particularly adept at making burgers.
Other fast food joints must sorta hate Burgerville. They do so much right — menu items feel bespoke, the IRL food looks like a reasonable facsimile of the items shown in their ads, and they make use of local and seasonal ingredients. For those of us in Oregon and Washington, it’s more like a local burger spot that just so happens to have 47 locations.
Take the Walla Walla Sweet Onion Cheeseburger. It’s made with Walla Walla, Washington’s famous “sweet onions” — the highly seasonal produce that Seinfeld’s famed Mackinaw Peaches were based on — along with Tillamook white cheddar cheese, garlic aoili, and a sourdough bun. That’s inspired! If McDonald’s used one of those upmarket items people would lose their minds. At Burgerville, they all fit in the same menu offering!
This burger is like an In-N-Out Double-Double made by a seasonality-obsessed (but talented!) hipster chef. The onions are grilled with savory herbs, the burger patty is just big enough to keep this a one-hander, and the cheese is nice and melty (and real!). Sadly, seasonality does have its drawbacks — this is really only available in July and a few weeks of August. The upside? Those dates overlap with Burgerville’s similarly hyped Blackberry Shake Season!
The Bottom Line:
This burger with Walla Walla onion rings and a Blackberry Milkshake is one of the best, most deeply satisfying, unctuous meals in fast food.
Carl’s Jr. — Primal Angus Thickburger with Fried Zucchini
Dane Rivera
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
I’m a little frustrated with Carl’s Jr because my local Carl’s keeps telling me that they “can’t” substitute Fried Zucchini into my Primal Angus Thickburger, which consists of a thick charbroiled Black Angus beef patty, layers of tender prime rib, sweet bbq sauce, smoked cheddar, and fried onion rings, even though they have a burger on the menu that already features the fried zucchini. They’ve straight up told me that it’s “not possible.”
So like a loser, I’ve been ordering the Primal Angus Thickburger with a side order of Fried Zucchini and assembling it myself because I swear to you, it’s the greatest Carl’s Jr. burger hack ever and I won’t stop eating it until Carl’s Jr’s Jurassic World promotion ends and they take this off the menu.
The only good thing the Jurassic World franchise has given us is this burger which is sweet, smokey, wonderfully savory, and refreshingly vegetal in every bite.
The Bottom Line:
Carl’s Jr’s Primal Angus Thickburger is only available for a limited time, so move fast if you want to hack together Carl’s best burger.
The ButterBurger is a must for any cheeseburger list. I’m a big Culver’s stan, sure. But the ButterBurger actually delivers amazingly well for a fast-food chain. The burger is a smash burger — they call it “pressing” — that’s made from fresh meat to order for every single burger made. That alone is worth the price of entry. That burger is then sandwiched on a fancy roll that’s seared off on the flattop with butter. Think of it this way, once you have a ButterBurger, you’ll see where Shake Shack got their inspiration from.
The best part is that these are 100 percent customizable. You can get a standard Culver’s Deluxe, which is red onion, pickle, lettuce, and tomato with Wisconsin cheddar, mayo, yellow mustard, and ketchup. It’s like an old-school diner “deluxe” burger from back in the day. What I like to do is get a double with cheese with pickle and onion and the roasted garlic aioli from the Wisconsin Big Cheese Pub Burger. It adds a nice extra zip of tang to the burger overall. Plus, the minimal toppings let the smash burger and buttery bun really shine through.
The Bottom Line:
This is just a good burger all around. It’s fresh, made-to-order, and actually filling for a good price (a double ButterBurger is $4.29). Just don’t sleep on one of those creamy milkshakes or Culver’s own root beer off the fountain.
I’ve said it in multiple food rankings but I guess I have to say it again: go to Dairy Queen for soft-serve ice cream and Blizzards, not for burgers. I don’t know why Dairy Queen has food outside of ice cream, but they do, and as part of my job — and let me reiterate, only as part of my job — I’ve become pretty intimate with DQ’s food.
It’s all… sigh… fine.
It’s not horrible, but it doesn’t need to exist. So for our pick on the best burger on the menu we’re going with the FlameThrower, which features a layer of spicy bacon over two beef patties topped with Pepper Jack cheese, tomato, some of the saddest lettuce you’ll ever see, on top of FlameThrower sauced buns. The FlameThrower sauce is more sweet than spicy, but it has a cayenne pepper kick to it that pairs well with the pepper jack and bacon.
The Bottom Line:
Following up bites of this spicy burger with a few spoonfuls of your Blizzard creates an interesting spicy-sweet combo, which is at the very least novel and an experience unique to Dairy Queen.
Del Taco — Double Bacon Del Cheeseburger w Fries and Guacamole
Dane Rivera
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
If you’ve never been to Del Taco or have only had the Mexican-inspired food on menu, you might not be aware that Del Taco makes a damn good cheeseburger. The beef here tastes great — it’s both beefy and juicy — and the burger is well assembled. But the whole thing tastes much better when you swap the burger sauce for guacamole, which adds a freshness to the burger while still managing to come across as decadent and hearty.
You can’t beat the flavor combination of smokey bacon and avocado.
I’m not entirely sure why Del Taco doesn’t already have a guacamole burger on the menu — at the very least can we get a burger topped with some fresh sliced avocado? — still, this is a pretty easy hack for the kitchen staff to execute.
The Bottom Line:
Del Taco’s best burger isn’t officially on the menu, but hopefully, the chain wises up and adds something similar to the lineup soon.
For me at least, Dog Haus is a fairly new chain so I won’t pretend to be an expert on this menu just yet. But from what I’ve had of the burgers, Dog Haus’ Holy Aioli is a standout for me. The burger combines a crispy Maillard-kissed burger patty topped with gooey melted American cheese, layers of smokey bacon, sweet caramelized onions, and a robust garlic aioli holding it all together.
Each bite is pleasantly sweet and smokey, and the King’s Hawaiian bread bun adds an additional layer of sweetness to each bite that makes this burger taste remarkably decadent.
The Bottom Line:
It might not always scratch your itch for a classic cheeseburger, but if you’re looking for something a bit elevated in flavor, this smokey sweet, and garlicky burger is your best bet.
Fatburger gives you a lot of options to soup up your burger, from adding chili, to a fried egg, onion rings, or bacon, but I feel like the best iteration of the burger is the simple Double King Burger. When you order this burger with “The Works,” you get two juicy beef patties topped with melted American cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, mustard, pickles, and relish atop a sponge-dough bun. You can order any combination of toppings, we won’t push you on The Works, because the real star here is the beef patties.
The beef at Fatburger tastes remarkably fresh, like the sort of burger you’d eat at a backyard bbq hosted by someone who grinds their own chuck and sirloin. It’s not the most exciting choice, but sometimes nothing hits the spot like a classic, beefy cheeseburger. If you’re looking for something at least a little exciting, add the onion rings, they’re also some of fast food’s best.
The Bottom Line:
When you want a classic cheeseburger that delivers the flavors you’ve come to expect but still tastes like something special and worth the money, it’s hard to beat a classic Double King Burger.
Five Guys — Bacon Cheeseburger With Grilled Onions + Grilled Jalapeños
Dane Rivera
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
Ridiculously inflated prices aside, Five Guys is one of the best chains to pick up a burger at. I ride hard for the brand and the ability to customize your burger any way you want is a big part of that. I’ve thought a lot about the perfect burger build at Five Guys and although my opinion is always changing, one that always stays in the rotation is this simple build: a bacon cheeseburger (which comes with two patties) with American cheese, grilled onions, grilled jalapenos, and A1 Steak Sauce.
You can choose mayo over the A1 (but it’ll be way less savory) or add grilled mushrooms for an umami kick, but the most important ingredient here is the grilled onions and jalapeño. The grilled onions come out a bit oily, but that oil immediately infuses with the grilled jalapeño’s spice — adding a savory and spicy character to the whole burger that will legitimately make your brow sweat.
Because Five Guys jalapeños aren’t pickled, they actually provide a fresh pronounced bite of spice with peppery vegetal notes that cut through all the unctuous flavors and take away the need for lettuce, which would only water down the predominant flavors here.
The Bottom Line:
Not just the best way to order your burger at Five Guys, but one of the best burgers across the entire fast food universe. Easily.
Despite the words “burger grill” being in the Habit’s full name, I honestly believe everything else this chain has to offer — from the chicken sandwiches to the salads — are superior to the cheeseburgers. For some reason there is a lot of character missing from The Habit’s burgers. They don’t taste bad, but it often feels like you’re paying a premium for nothing special.
At the very least, when coming to The Habit grab something unique to the chain, like the Santa Barbara Char — a patty melt with caramelized onions, big juicy tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, mayo, and fresh avocado. I almost always order this burger sans mayo, the avocado provides enough of a creamy mouthfeel to the burger, and the spongey grilled sourdough is oily enough as it is, so this burger tastes juicy without the need for sauce.
Each bite of this burger comes across as remarkably buttery and savory while maintaining a fresh vibe.
The Bottom Line:
Delicious, buttery, and hearty. One of the best avocado burgers in the fast food universe.
In-N-Out — Double Double Animal Style w Chopped Chillies
Dane Rivera
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
In-N-Out is pretty open about its Secret Menu, it even has a whole portion of its website dedicated to it, which would be great if In-N-Out wasn’t also for some reason keeping their best burger a secret. A quick way to improve In-N-Out’s already delicious Double Double is to order it “Animal Style” which includes mustard fried patties, grilled onions, and a double dose of In-N-Out’s spread that adds a tangy and savory sweetness to the burger.
Then you kick it up a whole other level by asking for your Animal Style Double Double with chopped chilies.
Adding In-N-Out’s chopped chilis to your burger adds some sharpness to each bite, with a sweet and subtle heat that dances on the tongue and pairs excellently with the caramelized onions. It makes the burger taste special and unique in a way that even the biggest In-N-Out doubters can appreciate.
The Bottom Line:
On a menu full of hacks, this is In-N-Out’s greatest secret.
Jack in the Box — Sourdough Jack (with Curly Fries Inside)
Dane Rivera
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
When Jack in the Box first launched the Sourdough Jack in 1997 it was unique to the fast food space as one of the few drive-thru patty melts. In 2022, the idea of ordering a patty melt from a fast food burger place isn’t quite as novel, which means Jack in the Box’s Sourdough Jack doesn’t have that same uniqueness factor to it. But considering this is kind of a mediocre patty melt (the sourdough bread is never crispy enough, it’s too soft and loaded with preservatives in order to increase shelf life) it needs some hacking to make it adequately palatable.
Luckily hacking this cheeseburger is as easy as loading it up with some of Jack in the Box’s Curly Fries. Once you add the fries, it adds some garlic and onion notes plus some nice texture to this otherwise sweet and buttery burger.
The Bottom Line:
Jack in the Box’s Sourdough Jack isn’t quite as novel as it once was, so load it up with Curly Fries and take it to the next level.
McDonald’s tried a whole menu of hacks as a recent promotion and aside from having to assemble them yourself, most of them were major misses. When it comes to McDonald’s, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel — a simple Quarter Pounder with a side order of fries is still one of McDonald’s best orders, even with all the BTS and Travis Scott meals remixing the menu.
This burger just delivers that weird tangy and spicy combination of onions, pickles, ketchup, and mustard that tastes distinctively like McDonald’s and only like McDonald’s.
The Bottom Line:
If you want to get wild, feel free to throw some of your fries into this burger. But as it stands, the Quarter Pounder is easily McDonald’s best burger, no matter how much people swear by an order of two Double Cheeseburgers.
For Rally’s/Checker’s it was a toss-up between the Smokey BBQ Bacon Buford and the Classic Big Buford. We’re going with the BBQ because of its more decadent offerings. Two slices of crispy smoked bacon sit atop two thick Swiss cheese-topped beef patties slathered in BBQ sauce and topped with red onions, and pickles, sandwiched between two smokey mayo buns.
The smoked mayo adds some extra smokiness to the sandwich, while the BBQ sauce keeps things sweet and tangy.
The Bottom Line:
If you like BBQ sauce, the Smokey BBQ Bacon Buford will not disappoint. If you don’t like BBQ on your burgers, grab the classic Big Buford instead.
Shake Shack — Double Shack Burger with Crispy Shallots
Dane Rivera
Why It’s The Best Burger On The Menu:
Shake Shack’s meat patties are fast food’s finest, we know, we’ve tasted hamburger patties plain and this one came out on top, no contest. The beef is just too good here — it’s juicy with a strong beefy flavor encased in the perfect Maillard crust. Little needs to be done to elevate this already elevated cheeseburger, simply add an order of crispy shallots to the whole thing.
The shallots add sweet and delicate, almost floral notes to each bite that makes this burger taste much more expensive than it actually is.
The Bottom Line:
Simply the finest burger you’re going to find in all of fast food. No contest.
I love a decadent meat bomb of a burger, and it doesn’t get more decadent than Smash Burger’s Double Smoked Bacon Brisket Burger. Brisket burgers have been fast food’s favorite recent innovation, it feels like everyone is taking a stab at the style, from Carl’s Jr. to Arby’s, to Wendy’s, but nobody is doing it like Smash Burger.
This burger is super smokey, with a sweet and lusciously savory beef flavor, with a bacon-backed crunch and the right amount of tang to keep it from coming across as too sweet. Aside from the layers of beef and brisket, you get thick-cut pickles, crispy applewood smoked bacon, and layers of sharp cheddar, all between a soft toasted brioche bun.
The Bottom Line:
If you’re looking for the most savory, biggest, meatiest burger in fast food, Smash Burger’s Double Smoked Bacon Brisket will more than exceed your expectations.
Sure, Sonic has burgers, lots of them, but similar to Dairy Queen and A&W, the real draw of this establishment is the sides. Order a hot dog, an order of mozzarella sticks, or jalapeño poppers, but don’t order a cheeseburger. They come across as being too bland for their own good.
On this Double Cheeseburger, you get all the classics: ketchup, mayo, and mustard on the top bun with pickle chips, lettuce, and onion before that cheese, meat, cheese, meat combination, plus two slices of crispy bacon. The beef is a bit mealy and very dry, so why get a double over a single? Because the meat-to-cheese-to-bread ratio is better this way. Trust.
The Bottom Line:
We’d generally advise against getting a burger from Sonic in the first place, but if you must, the Bacon Double is the play.
Wendy’s has a lot of great burgers on their menu but we’re giving this coveted spot on our roundup to the best bacon burger in all of fast food — the Baconator. A 1/2 pound double cheeseburger with two layers of American cheese, and two layers of bacon sandwiched between a mayo and ketchup slathered bun, the Baconator wisely ditches lettuce in its build, resulting in a smokey and savory meat bomb that delivers addicting bite after addicting bite.
This burger is incredibly salty, so be warned, it’s the type of burger that is guaranteed to put you in a mini food coma. You can remedy this by getting the Son Of Baconator, which is the exact same burger in a smaller footprint. But we suggest you always go all out on the main thing.
The Bottom Line:
One of the best bacon double cheeseburgers you’ll ever get from a drive-thru. The beef is fresh, the bacon is crispy and smokey, and the salty flavor is incredibly addicting.
The Patty Melt at Whataburger is the only way to go, especially if you’re not getting a fried chicken biscuit. The build of this hamburger sandwich is pretty big. It starts with two thick pieces of Texas toast with two five-inch beef patties each with a slice of Monterey Jack cheese. Grilled onions with a nice sweetness are piled on top of those cheesy patties. And then on that top piece of Texas toast, there’s a good dollop of Whataburger’s “Creamy Pepper” sauce. It’s sort of like a burger sauce with extra black pepper and chili peppers in there. It’s fantastic, creamy, and just the right hint of spice for this burger.
Pro-tip — order “extra” sauce when you get a Patty Melt. Moreover, when ordering any burger at Whataburger, make sure to get it with Creamy Pepper instead of mayo, ketchup, etc. It makes everything better.
The Bottom Line:
This is a big and bodacious burger on some serious toast. It’s amazing if you’re a little stoned or tipsy but works wonders any time of the ol’ day.
White Castle’s sliders are more novel and nostalgic than they are delicious, but anytime I hit White Castle (which isn’t often, the closest one to me is four hours away in Las Vegas) I grab the 1921 Slider. What sets this apart from White Castle’s other sliders is that this is a fully-dressed burger.
The seared burger is topped with grilled onions, cheddar cheese, a slice of tomato, lettuce, and pickles. It’s everything you want out of a decent cheeseburger, in a bite-size form.
The Bottom Line:
It’s not life-changing, but if you want the best burger experience White Castle has to offer, grab the 1921 Slider.
Tuesday marked Donald Trump’s76th birthday and some shared their well-wishes for the former president through messages and posts to him. Kodak Black was one of those people, but the rapper found a very Kodak Black-way to celebrate the president’s new year of life. In a post to his Instagram Story, Kodak wrote, “Happy Z Day #DT I Love You N**** @realdonaldtrump @donaldtrumpjr,” over an image of his chains, one of them being a $10,000 pendant of Donald Trump smoking a blunt. The pendant even features the former president in a MAGA hat.
It turns out that the team behind the pendant is Trax NYC jewelers who recently shared a video of Kodak and the pendant on their Instagram page. Maksud “Trax” Agadjani shared that the piece of jewelry, which was given to the rapper a few weeks ago, was actually made as a gift to Kodak.
Surprisingly enough (or maybe not), this is not the only piece of jewelry related to Trump that Kodak has in his collection. Shortly after the former president pardoned him, Kodak showed off a ring that had “Trump Ties” written on the side.
You can view Kodak Black’s happy birthday message to Donald Trump in the post above.
Kodak Black is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
The popular perception of ramen in America has undergone a radical transformation in recent years, from a discount product fit for frugal eating and dorm living to a trendy restaurant concept worthy of valuable real estate and date night splurges. These days it manages to live in both places at once, the subject both of restaurant pop-ups and instant brand contendors, trying to steal market share from Nissin and Maruchan (the Coke and Pepsi of Instant Ramen) and promoting their efforts on TikTok and Instagram.
The common thread of course, is comfort food. A perfect bowl of savory broth and slurpable noodles can satisfy at any price point. Growing up in Southern California, I remember running through the aisles of 99 Ranch with my mother, gleefully throwing bottles of bubbly Japanese Ramune soda, boxes of chocolate-filled pandas, and of course, shiny packs of instant ramen into our quickly-filling shopping cart. These days, I’m a culinary and travel journalist with a self-described “high-low” palate, who loves a classic Cup Noodle as much as a steaming bowl of restaurant tonkatsu. It’s not about price point—it’s about real-deal flavor and texture.
To me, the main pillars of excellent ramen include:
Firm noodles that don’t get soggy as they sit in the broth and have a good chew and bite.
Broth that at least somewhat accurately reflects the flavors listed on the packaging while managing a complexity or depth of flavor that makes you want to finish the whole bowl.
Finally, the ramen should stand well on its own, meaning it tastes great with absolutely no additional ingredients.
But you don’t have to take my word for it, I also reached out to a true pro.
“The best instant ramen has richness to it—a very rich broth with a lot of flavor, and I like my noodles more firm,” says Chef Tomo Kubo of popular New York City ramen shop, TabeTomo. “When I get home from a long night at the restaurant and I’m super tired, I’ll make myself a quick bowl of instant ramen — the quality of what is available in stores has also been going up day by day.”
All of the ramens listed below are widely available at Asian grocery stores, Whole Foods, mainstream grocers, or online. When possible, I grabbed a chicken or pork flavor, and never added any ingredients that weren’t included in the preparation instructions. Tasting each ramen, I used the criteria listed above (supplemented by Chef Kubo), and also judged for umami (savoriness), mouthfeel, and whether or not the ramen was a total sodium bomb.
Grab a big bowl and some chopsticks, and let’s get into it!
I was excited to try this one, in part because of the “organic” noodles, and the packaging made me feel like it would provide a taste reminiscent of the comfort of chicken noodle soup. Unfortunately, this vegan ramen did not deliver. Though the broth is technically “chicken flavor,” it tastes more like the vegetable flavors of chicken noodle soup—namely celery. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s pretty thin in flavor and consistency, and not wholly satisfying.
The noodles took an extraordinary amount of time to soften for instant ramen in a cup. Even after softening, I still found them tough.
The bottom line:
Though this cup variety has the two necessary components of instant ramen — broth and noodles — it doesn’t feel like a true ramen to me. It’s just not satisfying enough at all… though it does get some points for being vegan and organic.
19. Sapporo Ichiban Tonkotsu Ramen with White Chicken Broth
Near the bottom of the list, we have this take on creamy tonkatsu, but this time with white chicken broth. My problem right off the bat was actually the color, which was much muddier and greyer than any other tonkatsu ramen on this list and very unappetizing. The aroma was fairly enticing, but once I dug in I was met with a one-note, very salty flavor.
The broth is very creamy, to be sure, but tasted overly saline and synthetic. The noodles are also on the thinner side and quite soft.
The bottom line:
If you’re looking for creamy and salty tonkatsu with soft, breakable noodles, go for it. But there are much better options on the market.
18. Kang Shi Fu Soup Noodle Artificial Chicken Flavor with Mushroom
The only ramen on this list to incorporate both the flavors of chicken and mushroom, I thought it sounded promising. Upon tasting, the broth was actually quite nice. It first hits you in the face with an intense mushroom flavor but soon I noticed that the broth was fairly multidimensional with a light and oily consistency.
The noodles, on the other hand, were probably my least favorite of the bunch—with a spongy texture reminiscent of packing peanuts.
The bottom line:
For instant ramen in a cup, I was generally impressed by the mushroom-y broth. But those noodles left much to be desired.
17. MAMA Oriental Style Instant Noodles – Artificial Pork Flavor
This Thai brand of instant noodles is a favorite of Chrissy Teigen’s mother, Pepper, so of course, I had to give them a try. The broth was quite delicious and fairly light, with a nice little hit of spice. Figurative points were lost because I couldn’t really taste a “pork” quality to the broth. It was good but just tasted quite general.
Though not packaged in a cup, this ramen is prepared similarly, by pouring hot water over and waiting, rather than simmering it in a pot.
The bottom line:
This ramen is definitely not unpleasant and could satisfy in a pinch, but I wouldn’t be reaching for it in terms of flavor or quality. Perhaps it could taste better stir-fried, as per Teigen’s recipe.
The broth of this instant ramen has a really tasty, slightly spicy flavor, and golden color with a light consistency. It doesn’t have a very chicken-like taste, per se, but great umami. The noodles are soft and spongy—there’s not much remarkable about them, but I like that they aren’t too thin or get soggy as they sit in the broth.
Overall, it’s good ramen, just nothing to write home about.
The bottom line:
These noodles in a cup by Paldo contain a decent amount of flavor, and I like that the spice level is low enough that it doesn’t burn your mouth as you make your way through it.
One of the seemingly trickiest aspects of a “tonkatsu” instant ramen to perfect is mimicking the taste of pork, which this ramen did not. With that said, the broth is an appealing creamy golden-white color, with tiny pockets of oil dotting the top, and has a tasty flavor that is rich and light at the same time. The noodles have a spongy texture and curly look, with a fairly strong flavor.
From my tasting notes: “The quality of the noodles does not match the tasty broth.”
The bottom line:
I appreciated this ramen for its roast-y smell and creamy broth but was not as enthused about the noodle texture.
I liked the idea of a “snack” ramen—a smaller cup that serves as an afternoon pick-me-up, rather than a full meal. This one by Ottogi is fairly tasty. Its broth has a very oily mouthfeel, a golden brown color, and a comforting taste. The noodles are fairly thin and so-so, but I was pleased that they didn’t feel soggy.
The bottom line:
This ramen is neither amazing nor terrible. I could see myself reaching for it for a midday snack on a cold day.
It will probably come as no surprise that the broth of Cup Noodle is very artificial-tasting, but has a certain comfort and nostalgia to it thanks to its OG status. This particular one, found at a Japanese market versus an American one, had a slightly different flavor than stateside Cup Noodle eaters might be used to—with an undertone of shrimpiness.
Also unlike Cup Noodles I’ve found at American grocery stores, this one had tiny pieces of shrimp and sausage in it, which served as little flavor bombs. The noodles are super thin, but not spongy or soggy at all. They maintain their texture even as they sit in the broth.
The bottom line:
I really enjoyed this culinary walk down memory lane, and appreciated the umami flavor of this OG Cup Noodle, despite a label stating that the ramen contains “bioengineered food ingredients.” Hmmm.
This ramen, from a company founded by two men both named Kevin, is designed to be a healthy alternative to the sodium bombs you usually find at your local grocery store. The first thing I will say is that it does, in fact, taste healthy. The broth is high quality, with a slight creaminess from coconut milk and tiny oil bubbles that coat the lips as you eat it. It has a very subtle chicken flavor, but its chicken-y-ness is actually very real tasting.
The noodles are thick and by no means glutinous, with more of a “healthy” taste, and take longer to cook than your normal ramen, at 7 minutes for a nice chewy texture and up to 9 if you want them softer.
The bottom line:
It doesn’t taste like normal ramen but is a good alternative if you’re craving a bowl and trying to cut down on your salt intake. Extra points for the very real chicken taste and 22 grams of protein.
The broth of this “tonkatsu” instant ramen has a very strong toasted sesame flavor, almost like black sesame, and is super creamy and rich. The sesame flavor is so strong that I can’t really taste the “tonkatsu” aspects as well, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good. Its noodles are straight, flattened, and slippery with a little bit of chew, and a light color. They’re good but not remarkable by any means.
The bottom line:
The main drawback to this ramen, despite its deliciousness, is how dense the flavor really is. It would be much better fancied up with some fresh elements like mushrooms or corn, and some meat.
10. Lotus Foods Millet & Brown Rice Red Miso Ramen
The taste of this ramen reminds me more of a miso soup (even compared to other miso-flavored ramens), with the large pieces of floating seaweed as you would typically find in restaurant miso soup. The broth is a rich dark brown, and flavorful, but not particularly creamy, and the taste definitely doesn’t punch you in the mouth.
It’s a well-rounded savory taste with just a hint of spice on the back of the throat. Its short, rounded noodles are not thick but have a great texture and slight bite that feels very satisfying in the mouth. The shape makes these easy to slurp.
The bottom line:
This ramen is unique thanks to noodles made from millet and brown rice, rather than the standard wheat, supposedly making it healthier and easier to digest. I could see this ramen making a great healthy-ish meal with the addition of vegetables to compliment the red miso flavor of the broth.
Despite the light color of this ramen’s broth, I was surprised by its richness of flavor. It makes sense considering that it’s supposed to be the instant version of Korean bone broth, which gives it a slightly creamy and smooth texture and wholly comforting flavor. The noodles have a nice amount of chew that holds up as it sits in the broth.
The only downside to this one is its heavy amount of sodium, the highest on the list at a whopping 100% of your daily value.
The bottom line:
This ramen is all around yummy and comforting, with a great flavor that made me want to keep eating until the last drop. It’s quite salty, though, so keep a large glass of water nearby.
8. Mike’s Mighty Good Fried Garlic Chicken Ramen Soup
The fried garlic flavor of this ramen’s broth really comes through in a nice, unctuous way, and there are even flecks of dried garlic swirling around. The chicken notes round the flavor out for a creamy mouthfeel and mild, comforting taste. Upon opening the packet, though, I was surprised to find the smallest amount of noodles I’ve seen so far—a tightly wound ball of them that you are instructed to drop into only 1.5 cups of water.
It ended up yielding a surprisingly filling amount, though (perhaps because I’m on pace to eat five packaged ramens today). The noodles are good, but lack a nice bite or chew.
The bottom line:
This is definitely a more Westernized and contemporary craft ramen, made with a smaller amount of organic noodles, but I thought the end result was pretty delicious and satisfying.
This ramen has somewhat of a cult following for its supremely spicy flavor. It’s common for those who need to tone the spice level down a bit to add cheese to the broth, which also gives it a creamier flavor. Just as with all the other ramens, though, I tried this with no additives.
The broth is extremely flavorful, and not one of those products that are spicy just for the sake of being so. It has a good depth of flavor and a bright red color that’s extremely enticing (if a bit intimidating), and the noodles have a nice chewy texture, getting fairly soft as they sit in the spicy red broth.
The bottom line:
There’s a reason why this ramyun, a Korean ramen type, is a perpetual crowd favorite. For those who enjoy a healthy dose of spice, you’d be hard-pressed to find better.
Famed restaurateur David Chang and his team at Momofuku worked with A-Sha to come out with a line of make-at-home noodles. Though meant primarily to be consumed dry, I used the barebones version of Momofuku’s online instructions to turn them into a ramen soup—only using the ingredients provided in the packet and one tablespoon of Momofuku Spicy Seasoning Salt to act as a seasoning packet. Right out the gate, I was impressed by the noodles, which are flat and wide, with a great texture and fresh flavor. The broth was tasty, too, and could probably benefit from more Spicy Seasoning Salt and some gourmet add-ons.
The bottom line:
I’m impressed by the quality of noodles, but not surprised given the reputation of Momofuku. In terms of the broth, get ready to put in a little bit more work, time, and money, to turn it into delicious ramen.
5. Nona Lim Traditional Ramen and Miso Ramen Broth
These noodles from Nona Lim are about as gourmet as it gets for instant ramen. They’re so fresh, in fact, I have to keep them in my fridge. The broth, which is vegan, is sold separately. The noodles cook in only two minutes and then get strained and dumped into the warmed-up ramen broth—meaning no flavor sachets or seasoning packs. Thus, it’s a different ramen experience, with a super mild miso flavor that cries out for spice (or at least maybe some soy sauce), and chewy noodles that taste better than those at some of the ramen shops I’ve been to.
The bottom line:
The word impressed doesn’t even cut it when it comes to the taste and texture of these noodles. But if you’re looking for a flavor bomb then this definitely isn’t it.
The best tonkatsu style ramen on this list, Itsuki Kyushu’s broth is creamy and taupe in color. Very comforting, and though the flavor is milder than others on the list, it tastes very authentic and high-quality. Cooked al dente, the noodles are incredible with an appealing texture. I also like that this ramen came with two bundles of straight noodles and two flavor packets so that you can use them for smaller individual meals or one enormous bowl.
The bottom line:
Most tonkatsu ramens I’ve encountered have the “creamy” note down pat but don’t deliver on noodle quality and depth of flavor like this one does.
The broth of this ramen by former Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto is super flavorful and oily, with a deep brown color and a fairly real chicken flavor, albeit fairly salty tasting. It has nice, thick noodles, which the packaging distinguishes as being “non-fried.” The result is noodles that are super chewy with a similar texture to restaurant ramen.
The bottom line:
Sometimes chicken ramen can lack in flavor, but this one is super flavorful with great noodles to boot. Even though I had many other ramens to make and taste the day I tried this, I couldn’t help but finish the whole bowl.
The broth of this Korean ramen, despite a flavor label of “mild” has a fantastic spice to it that isn’t overwhelming, and a rich beefy flavor that compliments the chewy noodles. Speaking of noodles, you get an enormous amount of them in this packet, which are curly with an appealing golden color and a great consistency.
The preparation of this ramen is also somewhat unique, as it comes with a packet of dried vegetables and small beef pieces that are added to the water as it heats up, then the noodles and seasoning packet are added together and boiled for 4 minutes. The result is well-rounded ramen that left me feeling extremely impressed.
The bottom line:
If you’re on the hunt for budget ramen that packs an absolute punch, you should have this one on speed dial.
Topping off the list is this spectacular miso ramen by Sun Noodle. They don’t add any artificial flavor or color to their ramen kits, but the color of the broth is still a very enticing and rich brown, with a slightly creamy texture and umami-filled miso flavor. The slightly curly noodles have excellent chew and a fresh flavor (because they are pretty fresh), and are of medium thickness. This one requires a slightly more involved cooking process, which involves straining the noodles and adding fresh hot water and a mega-sized liquid seasoning packet to your serving bowl, but it’s 100% worth the minimal effort for what is essentially restaurant-quality ramen in under 10 minutes start to finish.
The bottom line:
When it comes to all-around flavor, texture, and value, this one is just generally superior. With the addition of some chopped scallions and a couple of pieces of chashu pork, you could fool your friends that this is homemade or comes from a restaurant.
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| solo travel (@emilyventures)
