Apparently, it doesn’t matter how many “Super Dad” moments Kanye West is making sure get caught on camera because his divorce attorney just severed ties with the rapper. West’s lawyer Samantha Spector cited, “an irreconcilable breakdown in the attorney-client relationship,” in her withdrawal filings obtained by The Blast, which is some incredibly ironic language for a divorce attorney to take.
This marks the fourth lawyer that will now be representing West in the divorce proceedings against his ex-wife Kim Kardashian. In March, Ye switched up his legal counsel the day before the couple’s divorce hearing, firing Chris Melcher and replacing him with Spector, who previously served as the attorney for Dr. Dre’s ex-wife Michelle Young in their divorce. Now, the person listed in Spector’s documents as the new current representative for Mr. West is an out-of-state attorney from Pennsylvania, who isn’t even a divorce attorney.
While Kim and Kanye have worked hard to bring a sense of harmony to their relationship as parents moving forward, the divorce proceedings have been anything but harmonious. Kanye initially lobbied to have his social media posts kept out of the hearings (now why would he want that??) and has looked to employ loopholes to stall the proceedings altogether. And while Kim has said that she wants them to be the figure for “co-parenting goals,” in the latest episode of The Kardashians, she formally apologized to her family for her ex-husband’s antics.
The live music, bold fashion choices, and endless good vibes are what make music festivals memorable and downright fun. Camping at a music festival, on the other hand… isn’t always so glamorous. Communal bathrooms and showers (if you’re lucky), dusty supplies, chilly temperatures, and tent sleeping can make catching some much-needed Z’s after a day of raging rather difficult.
Fortunately, there are some simple measures you can take to ensure your festival camping survival.
If you’re heading up to Buena Vista Lake for the anticipated return of Lightning in a Bottle, chances are you’ll be camping out for the Memorial Day Weekend event. The Lightning in a Bottle lineup includes Glass Animals, Kaytranada, GRiZ, Chet Faker, Black Coffee, Four Tet, SG Lewis, Big Wild, Purity Ring, Little Simz, Seth Troxler, Maya Jane Coles, CloZee, Ekali, Jon Hopkins, GoldLink, G Jones b2b EPROM, Koffee, Monolink, LSDREAM, Big Freedia, Mr. Carmack, Opiuo, and tons more.
One up-and-coming performer of the weekend is Austin Millz, who just released his first single of 2022, entitled “What’s Next?” As a long-time music artist and festival-goer, he knows a thing or two about conquering a festival weekend, including what it takes to make it through a successful festival camping experience. If you’re making your festival camping debut this weekend at Lightning in a Bottle, check out Millz’s guide below. He’s sharing his top five tips for festival camping, so you can keep the good times rolling even after the show is over each night.
Whether you’re a fan, an artist, or a performer at the festival, having a USB of your music or music you love is KEY. You NEVER know when the opportunity to DJ will strike. Maybe someone needs someone to DJ a set or DJ an afterparty, or maybe a performing artist forgot their USB.
I have personally witnessed these situations happen at this past Coachella, actually. It’s always good to be prepared.
Canopy Tent, Pillow, and String Lights
Jessica Bernstein
If you are camping at a festival in a hot destination, you NEED a canopy tree otherwise you’ll be waking up at 7 a.m. — and not because of the music from the ongoing after party either lol! A canopy is just the start, though. Having the right pillow ensures your place is comfy — nothing worse than using a balled-up sweatshirt because you forgot your pillow. Finally, ITS GOTTA BE VIBEY — throwing some string lights up shows you’re a veteran, not a rook. They’ll also make it way easier for you to find your campsite in the middle of the night after a long day of partying.
Water and Your Own Bottle
Get Tiny
I don’t think this even needs explanation, but you have to stay hydrated. Or if you’re like my manager, he LOVES Electrolit — it’s the Mexican version of Pedialyte, made specifically for hangovers. Thank him in the morning when your hangover is minimal. I recommend drinking a whole bottle when you start your day. Definitely carry water with you everywhere, and try to get a reusable water bottle so you’re reducing waste.
Lightning in a Bottle has a lot of cool green initiatives, so it’s important to pull your weight and keep the community clean. I think there are some pretty cool hydro packs around now, so you can rock it with your best fest-fit.
Ice Cooler
Austin Millz
Even if you have to go to the festival to get ice, you gotta keep your drinks cold. A lot of festivals have concession areas on the campsite, so that’s a good place to start. Gotta have a few Modelos, a bottle of tequila, and if you’re a real one, get dry ice! Just promise me to be careful when you put your hands into the cooler, the fog may look cool but it’s no joke!
Earplugs
Don Idio
You’re going to need your ears to be able to listen to all the amazing music this weekend! Especially at my set on Saturday, I better see y’all raging…safely with earplugs. It doesn’t matter if this is your first festival or if you’re a true vet, you only get one set of ears! I also better see y’all at my brother’s set, SG Lewis on Sunday. Excited to see you all this weekend!
The 2022 Ascot Award wrapped up earlier this week and we were lucky enough to get an advance look at the list of “Best in Class” spirits from the competition. And look at that, just in time for Memorial Day Weekend. What doesn’t “best in class” mean though? These are the bottles that not only got unanimous top scores from judges but were also deemed the best of among the best in a second double-blind taste test.
Look at it this way, while winning a medal always carries a certain panache from these competitions, the “Best in Class” is what you’re going to want to reach for.
For this list, I’ve added our own tasting notes where I can and dropped in tasting notes from the awards or distiller where needed. You can also click on the prices on each entry to order your own bottle for a little long-weekend sipping. Let’s dive in!
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months
This tequila from the Southern Highlands of Jalisco is fairly modern. The pinas are cooked in brick ovens but autoclave (high-pressure cooking) and diffuser are used as well. The twice-distilled juice then goes into oak for 60 days before it’s proofed down with deep well water and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a sweetness that attaches to the lightly roasted agave on the nose with a hint of vanilla and caramel lurking in the background. The palate leans into the roasted agave with freshly cracked black pepper and clove berries mingling with a touch of vanilla tobacco and a mildly sweet butterscotch mid-palate. The finish leans away from the agave toward the vanilla and butterscotch for a sweet and slightly peppery finish.
Bottom Line:
For me, this was always just fine. I’ve used it as a mixing tequila in the past. But maybe I’ll give it another shot as a sipper.
Foro is always a great alternative to the bigger names in vermouth — Martini, Noilly Prat, and Carpano. This vermouth is from the Piedmont region of Northern Italy. The winery takes Moscato and Inzolia wines and then infuses them with wormwood twice before building a botanical bouquet of balsam, saffron, bitter and sweet orange peels, myrrh, mace, rhubarb, sandalwood, and cinnamon.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a beautiful balance of sweet and botanical with this vermouth. The nose has a mix of cinchona barks and orange oils with lush vanilla, a touch of pine, and a whisper of dried flowers. The taste leans into the florals with a savory edge as sage and summer wildflowers dance with vanilla candy and soft, sweet mulled wine. The finish is short, sweet, and full of dark woody spice and bitter barks.
Bottom Line:
This is pretty nice on its own with a few cubes of ice, an orange slice, and a green olive. Add a little soda water on top and you’ve got a killer summer refresher.
This crafty vodka from Austin, Texas, is a corn-based spirit. This expression takes that corn juice is distilled ten times. The team then layers in real lemon juice and pure cane sugar juice.
Tasting Notes:
The nose is all about that lemon with a pretty sweet edge that’s more sweet corn than refined sugar. The taste is exactly what you’d expect — sweet lemon-y vodka with a hint of neutral alcohol that’s almost mineral-y. The finish is short, slightly acidic, and not too overly sweet.
Bottom Line:
This is perfect for mixing up easy summer highballs. Two ounces of this over ice and topped with soda water is all you need.
This crafty gin from California is about the wilds of that land. The distillate is infused with wild-foraged botanicals from hills near the distillery between Ventura and Ojai. Sagebrush, purple sage, bay, yerba santa, pixie mandarin peel, and chuchupate all make appearances and give the gin a very local vibe.
This bespoke rum hails from the colder shores of New England. The rum is a 100 percent molasses spirit that spends an undisclosed amount of time mellowing in new American oak barrels before it’s vatted and bottled as-is to show off that cold New England weather in the bottle.
“Through seasonal temperature shifts, New England’s maritime climate softened and balanced these flavors, while extended aging created new and complex layers of flavor and depth. A deep color with a pronounced nose and concentration of flavor, Intrepid includes notes of nutmeg, cardamom, cinnamon, caramel, and toasted almond.”
Bottom Line:
Winter spices, almonds, and caramel sound delightful in a rum. I’m definitely going to track one of these down and give it a shot.
This mezcal — from Durango, Mexico — uses wild Maguey Cenizo agave. Those agave pinas as roasted in volcanic rock pit ovens before going through open fermentation with the wild yeasts in the air inoculating the juice. Woodfired stills then distill the liquid into a spirit.
Tasting Notes:
This has a bold nose with hints of smoked cheese, red pepper spice, burnt lemon peels, and a line of smoke that’s kind of like burnt grilled cheese. The palate has a touch of barnyard funk under more smoked cheese as the sweetness of the roasted agave balances everything out. The finish is sharply peppery yet softly sweet with a hint more of that smoked cheese peaking in.
Bottom Line:
This is a funky mezcal. I’d say more funky than smoky even. Though it is clearly smoky, it’s deeper and more interesting in unique ways that help it stand out.
Best Whiskey Club Pick: 5280 Whiskey Society Russell’s Reserve Single Barrel “Thunder Chicken”
Russell’s Reserve is Wild Turkey dialed up a notch or two. The juice is classic Turkey bourbon with a low-rye mash bill. That whiskey spends several years mellowing in heavily charred oak before a group comes in and selects a single barrel for their bar, retail shop, or club.
“A great balance of sweetness, oak, and citrus on the nose becomes a vanilla bomb on the palate supported by juicy fruit and spice all the way through.”
Bottom Line:
The 5280 Whiskey Society is a private Denver whiskey club. They do a lot of barrel picks every year and sell them via their website. And since this one is forthcoming, you might be able to grab a bottle if you keep an eye on the club’s website.
This is the standard Bulleit but with a little more dialed-in flavor profile that allows the juice to shine on its own. The sourced bourbon is small-batched from hand-selected barrels and bottled at Diageo’s new Bulleit facility without any filtration or cutting down to proof.
Tasting Notes:
Expect sweet woody notes next to oily vanilla and a big note of black pepper. The taste delivers ripe peaches next to more peppery spice and a hint of Christmas spices, with the vanilla taking a backseat and the oak really stepping in to shine. The end is spicy, hot, oaky, and peachy, with a hint of caramel corn.
Bottom Line:
This is hard-core (modern) classic bourbon. It’s bold enough to be the perfect base for a killer old fashioned or Manhattan. Or you can just enjoy it low and slow in a rocks glass on its own.
This new release from Smooth Ambler mixes some very interesting whiskeys together. The blend is two Tennessee ryes (one 70 percent rye, one 51 percent rye), MGP’s 95 percent rye, and Smooth Ambler’s own rye which has a mash bill of 88 percent rye. Those whiskeys are then blended, proofed, and bottled in the hills of West Virginia.
Tasting Notes:
The nose opens with a stewed cherry that’s heavy on woody cinnamon sticks next to hints of vanilla pods and maybe some dried florals. The palate leans into the woodiness of the cinnamon stick to the point of feeling like a cedar box full of spicy cinnamon tobacco as creamy vanilla leads to a toasted coconut vibe. The finish lets the creaminess of the vanilla drive a sweet edge as the spicy cinnamon tobacco is just kissed with cherry syrup and dark chocolate on the very back end.
Bottom Line:
This is a pretty big co-sign from me. Smooth Ambler is making some serious magic happen out in West Virginia and this expression is only the tip of the delicious whiskey iceberg.
Best Scotch Whiskey: Ardbeg Traigh Bhan 19 Batch #3
This is Ardbeg’s yearly release of special batches of 19-year-old peaty malt. The whisky is Ardbeg’s signature peated whisky that’s bottled during a “haar.” That’s a thick and briny foggy morning on Islay, which imparts that x-factor into the whisky as it goes into the bottle.
Tasting Notes:
You’re drawn in with a super subtle waft of soft smoke with hints of sour cream, fennel, and cold-smoked salmon on a pine cutting board that’s been washed in the sea. The palate holds onto that briny seaside vibe as it veers towards sea salt-laden dark bricks of fudge bespeckled with dried orange zest and lavender. The end circles back around to a sooty smoke that feels like a warm granite rock that’s been dipped in the sea and then rolled around in the dying embers of a fire.
Bottom Line:
This is a world-class whisky that’s so well (and deeply) layered, that you’re sure to find something that speaks to you in that pour. That said, this is unabashedly bold and funky too.
Best American Single Malt Whiskey: Old Line Spirits American Single Malt Sherry Cask Finish
This Baltimore distillery is catching a lot of attention lately. This release is and 100 percent malted barley whiskey that spends a spell in a new American white oak before it’s re-filled into old Oloroso sherry casks for a final maturation. That final whiskey is cut down to 100 proof before bottling as-is.
Old Carter might be the ultimate whiskey nerd label. The blends are hand-selected by the husband and wife team, Mark and Sherri Carter, from the best barrels they can find. Beyond that, they keep their blends and details pretty close to their chest to add a little mystery to the endeavor.
Tasting Notes:
This opens with a nose full of rich and creamy vanilla ice cream scoop over a pecan waffle with hints of dark cherries, Honey Nut Cheerios, and a touch of old cedar all sneaking in. The palate leans into that waffle with a good pour over maple syrup over cinnamon brown butter, a fresh batch of glazed doughnuts, and a few braids of spicy orange-infused tobacco. The end leans back into the vanilla with a sheet cake vibe as the dark berries attach to the tobacco and wintry spice with a final note of creamy toffee and nougat.
Bottom Line:
These always wow. That said, they’re hard to find outside of Kentucky, and even then you kind of need to be “in the know” to get one. All of that aside, it’s worth the effort to track down something this delicious and decadent.
Best Light Whiskey: Penelope American Light Whiskey
This unique release from Penelope is a “light” in the sense of a light beer. This is all about the barrel having no char. So the “light” in this sense is the aging process. Anyway, this expression is a blend of MGP whiskeys (pretty much the only distillery making light whiskey) that’s left at a very high proof before bottling as-is.
Tasting Notes:
This is a wild card with familiar notes of pancake batter with plenty of vanilla, caramel corn balls, sweet apple tarts, and a mild dose of very soft yet resinous pine. The palate moves from creamy vanilla pie toward apple crumble with plenty of butter and brown sugar, cinnamon, and tartness before a layer of soft floral citrus arrives. The finish feels like vanilla cupcakes frosted with an eggnog frosting with plenty of powdered sugar everywhere next to a woody yet subtle spice mix.
Bottom Line:
This is a great way to start your “light” whiskey journey. This is subtle, sweet, and long-lasting. Moreover, those killer ABVs are almost non-existent thanks to the team at Penelope’s masterful blending.
This new age statement released from Jack Daniel’s feels like a throwback to a bygone era in Tennessee Whiskey. The whiskey is aged for at least ten years. During that time, the barrels spend time in the “Buzzard’s Roost” at the top of the rickhouse. Once they hit the right flavor profile, those barrels are moved to the bottom floors of other warehouses to slow the aging down. Finally, the whiskey is vatted, proofed, and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
This opens with a rich matrix of cherry syrup, apple cores, sticky toffee, vanilla ice cream, and a thin line of wet and sweet wood. The palate opens up towards the dark fruit but dries it out and married it to a sticky and spicy tobacco leaf while toasted cedar soaked in salted caramel vibes with dry corn husks that are just singed. The finish really takes its time as the cherry attaches to an old cinnamon stick and the tobacco takes on a sticky chewiness with a mild savory fruit edge.
Bottom Line:
This was one of the best overall whiskeys of all of 2021, so it’s no surprise to see it picking up awards this year. If you can find one, grab it. It’ll change how you see Jack Daniel’s.
Best World Whiskey: Archie Rose Distilling Co. Single Malt Whiskey
This Australian single malt is a unique expression thanks to its blend of barrels. The whisky is aged in 100, 200, and 300-litre Australian Apera sherry casks. Those whiskies are blended with malts aged in ex-bourbon casks and, finally, Archie Rose’s own 36-month air-dried ex-rye casks. That final whisky is then touched with local water before going into the bottle.
“The natural sweetness of these casks complements the savory charisma of the spirit, revealing fresh herbs, shortbread biscuits, raisins, toffee, and dark chocolate on the nose. Meanwhile, the palate is luscious with well-integrated flavors of sticky date pudding and amaretto with a final note of espresso.”
Bottom Line:
This sounds both unique and delicious. Hopefully, we’ll see more of it stateside before too long.
Best Wheat Whiskey: Journeyman Distillery Corsets, Whips, and Whiskey
This Michigan whiskey is 100 percent wheat whiskey. The grains are 100 percent organic and grown locally around Michigan. The whiskey then ages for an undisclosed about of time before it’s blended into a final product that looks to Irish whiskey for inspiration.
“The heat is perfect. Loving the initial sweetness, then the proof takes over in a great way. Smoldering char and rich vanilla bean. Great balance of spices and the finish is silky for such a high proof.”
Bottom Line:
“Smoldering char and rich vanilla bean”?! You have my attention, little Michigan whiskey. This is another one that I’m looking forward to getting my hands on. You can’t beat a great wheat whiskey and this sounds like one.
On the heel of a surprising run to the Western Conference Finals, reports are already swirling about how the Dallas Mavericks may look to take the next step in their title hopes. With changes potentially coming for the Utah Jazz after another early playoff exit, there’s speculation about Rudy Gobert’s future. Dallas, given its limited big man depth, appears a logical suitor.
However, according to Marc Stein, the Mavericks could have their sights set on a different type of All-Star in Zach LaVine, who will be a free agent this summer.
“Sources nonetheless maintain that one option already being weighed by team brass is the prospect of joining the sign-and-trade bidding for the Chicago Bulls’ Zach LaVine,” Stein wrote in his latest newsletter. He went onto address another rumor we often hear regarding Dallas this offseason, saying that “Despite long-running speculation that the Mavericks hope to trade for Rudy Gobert, I’m told that an all-out pursuit of Utah’s All-Star center and defensive anchor is unlikely.
“As much as (Mavericks owner Mark) Cuban and GM Nico Harrison have openly acknowledged a pressing need to bolster their rim protection and rebounding, Dallas sees LaVine as the sort of player who could fill other crucial needs with his ability to both play off Dončić as a long-range shooter and likewise collapse defenses by slashing to the basket to score.”
Either option would greatly enhance this Dallas team. LaVine’s on- and off-ball duality offensively would fit exceptionally well alongside Doncic. Jalen Brunson and Spencer Dinwiddie thrived as secondary creators this season, but LaVine, a two-time All-Star, is a substantial upgrade.
Gobert, meanwhile, would provide valuable rim protection defensively and his lob threat is a welcomed pick-and-roll complement for Doncic. How, if at all, the Mavericks maneuver landing one of these All-Stars will be fascinating in what surely seems like a busy offseason ahead for them.
“It is with great sadness that Foo Fighters confirm the cancellation of all upcoming tour dates in light of the staggering loss of our brother Taylor Hawkins,” a statement from the band read. “We’re sorry for and share in the disappointment that we won’t be seeing one another as planned. Instead, let’s take this time to grieve, to heal, to pull our loved ones close, and to appreciate all the music and memories we’ve made together.”
The difficult, but very understandable decision left a lot of gaps atop the slew of music festivals that the Foo Fighters were set to headline. Nine Inch Nails stepped in their place for both Boston Calling and Daytona Beach’s Welcome To Rockville fests. Now, Muse has been announced as the replacement for Sacramento’s Aftershock Festival. “It’s been too long and we can’t wait to come back to Northern California and headline AFTERSHOCK on Sunday, October 9th in Sacramento,” Muse singer Matt Bellamy said in a tweet.
“It’s been too long and we can’t wait to come back to Northern California and headline AFTERSHOCK on Sunday, October 9th in Sacramento. “ – @MattBellamy, @muse
— AFTERSHOCK FESTIVAL (@AFTERSHOCKSAC) May 26, 2022
The British arena rock band will take over Aftershock’s closing slot as Sunday’s headliner. The hard rock-focused festival will also include sets from Slipknot, Rob Zombie, My Chemical Romance, Kiss, Lamb of God and others.
You know, it’s almost a shame that Cardi Tries, the show in which rapper Cardi B takes on a variety of alternative occupations for a day, is only available on Facebook Watch and Messenger. It’s an absolute delight, quite possibly the funniest show in production these days, and more people need to see it. It’s the perfect vehicle for Cardi’s outsized yet humble personality, and she’s quite a hoot as she attempts tasks such as cooking at a restaurant, officiating a wedding, and giving her husband Offset a tattoo.
The show’s latest episode brings in a special guest, as well: Cardi’s “WAP” collaborator Megan Thee Stallion, who’s become a charming all-around entertainer in her own right. The dynamic duo teams up to face their next challenge: Learning to play football with the help of the Los Angeles Chargers. Watching Cardi B tackle a blocking dummy twice her size in what look like youth size pads that are still too large is probably more entertaining than anything we’ll see come this preseason, while of course, Megan shows off her iron knees with a signature touchdown dance that won’t likely be replicated on the field anytime soon.
You can see the full episode below.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
School should feel like a safe space. But after the tragic news of yet another mass shooting, many children are scared to death. As a parent or a teacher, it can be an arduous task helping young minds to unpack such unthinkable monstrosities. Especially when, in all honesty, the adults are also terrified.
Katelyn Campbell, a clinical psychologist in South Carolina, worked with elementary school children in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook shooting. She recently shared a simple idea that helped then, in hopes that it might help now.
The psychologist tweeted, “We had our kids draw pictures of scenery that made them feel calm—we then hung them up around the school—to make the ‘other kids who were scared’ have something calm to look at.”
For Teachers/Therapists: I worked in a CT elementary school when Sandy Hook happened.
What helped: We had our kids draw pictures of scenery that made them feel calm—we then hung them up around the school—to make the “other kids who were scared” have something calm to look at. — Dr. K8 PsyD (@psych_k8) May 25, 2022
“Kids, like adults, want to feel helpful when they feel helpless,” she continued, saying that drawing gave them something useful to do.
It also took some pressure off to focus on making “other kids” feel better. Campbell noted that even if they are scared, it’s “easier to talk about the ‘other kids.’”
Rather than use the word “safe,” which can “be a loaded concept for kids who never feel safe,” Campbell used “calm,” and “peaceful,” which really resonated with the students.
But really, it gave the kids something to “do” that felt useful. Kids, like adults, want to feel helpful when they feel helpless. And they loved the idea that they could help “other kids” feel better (they were the scared ones, but it’s easier to talk about the “other kids”)
Pretty soon, the school was filled with “rainbows, beaches, pretty flowers, playgrounds, and happy scenery,” which stayed up for weeks.
“I’m pretty sure it helped the adults too,” she quipped.
Art therapy can be a valuable tool for any age, but it can be particularly beneficial for children who (hopefully) have not had the complex, hard-to-articulate emotions that come as a result of trauma. As psychologist Cathy Malchiodi explains in her book “The Art Therapy Sourcebook,” “the language of visual art—colors, shapes, lines, and images—speak to us in ways that words cannot.”
Incorporating a sense of helping others and focusing on “calm” images was another brilliant layer Campbell added onto her exercise, and she soon received a flood of support for her suggestion. Overall, people were relieved and inspired.
“Beautiful use of a simple mindfulness practice to foster peace, calm, and altruism-all important in times of crisis. Thanks for sharing,” one person wrote.
“Honestly the idea made me feel like a breath of fresh air. Such a sweet and positive thing, so simple but effective,” wrote another.
The massacre at Robb Elementary in Ulvade, Texas, is the second-deadliest elementary school shooting in the United States, following Sandy Hook in 2012. There’s no way around these statistics. It’s nauseating and horrific. I feel for the parents and teachers trying to fight for change, protect their children and keep up morale all at the same time. Happy doodles might seem trivial during such a dark period for humanity, but as Campbell can attest, they do make a difference.
For fans of Bay Area rap legend E-40, it was only a matter of time before the beast with the mouthpiece turned “Goon with a Spoon” into a brand. It’s a phrase E-40 has spit in songs before like “I Get Down,” and “Back in Business,” the latter of which featured this incredible bar “A goon with the spoon, wrist game sick. Paid the neighborhood chef to teach a n*gga how to whip, a fixture how to mix, counterclockwise twisting’ it, drop it off, deliver it.”
That line, it turns out, is actually pretty literal. E-40 is no stranger to the kitchen, he taught himself to cook from an early age while his mom balanced three jobs and even landed a position at a high-end restaurant where he picked up some culinary skills. So when last year we heard that E-40, fully in the elder mogul phase of his career, would be launching a food brand called Goon With The Spoon, we knew it was going to be a good fit.
Goon With The Spoon
The brand launched with sausages and burritos under its name, but now E-40, like Chance the Rapper and Selena Gomez, is taking on the world of ice cream offering six flavors that were apparently four years in the making and are produced sustainability using solar power and dairy from non-growth hormone-treated cows.
Good practices aside, how does this stuff taste? Is this just another celebrity-branded cash grab or does E-40 truly know his shit? We’re about to find out in our review and ranking of all six Goon With The Spoon flavors.
Vanilla Bean
Dane Rivera
Good news, all of the Goon With The Spoon flavors are solid. Each flavor is creamy, flavorful, and can hold its own against any of the top-shelf brands you’ll find at the grocery store. This includes this Vanilla Bean flavor but we have to rank it last because in the Goon With The Spoon lineup, this is the obvious weakest link.
It’s just not very imaginative, while E-40 didn’t exactly go the Baskin Robbins route here and give us any weird stunt flavors, all of the flavors bring something at the very least interesting to the table. But not vanilla bean, this is just standard vanilla ice cream.
It’s rich, creamy, and a bit floral, with speckles of vanilla throughout the white cream base.
The Bottom Line:
It’s good but totally inessential. Not many actual beans to be seen, either.
Strawberry
Dane Rivera
Bits of strawberry are strewn throughout in this fresh berry-forward flavor. It’s not candy sweet like some strawberry ice creams, instead, this focuses on creamier flavors, giving it a strawberry milkshake vibe that is just begging to be blended.
Every bite features small granules of actual strawberry, in addition to chunks of more substantial berries, providing some nice texture to each spoonful.
The Bottom Line:
Refreshing, textural, a solid 5/5 strawberry ice cream.
Salted Caramel
Dane Rivera
I love this flavor! The base this flavor is built upon here is vanilla, but unlike the vanilla bean flavor, this has interesting caramelized butterscotch notes, with hints of brown sugar, and ribbons of sweet caramel throughout. It’s one of my favorites in the whole line, so why is it chilling in the middle of the list and not in the top three? Because it feels like it’s not delivering on its promise.
The flavor here is “Salted Caramel,” and I’m just not even getting the slightest hint of salt here. I thought maybe the extra salt was in the caramel itself so I spooned out a ribbon and I’m not getting a single trace of salt. As much as I like this flavor, if what you’re after is that salty-sweet flavor profile, this doesn’t have that.
The Bottom Line:
Delicious, but perhaps “Caramel” or even “Butterscotch” is a more apt name than “Salted Caramel.”
Mint Chocolate Chip
Dane Rivera
There are pretty much two ways to do mint chocolate chip ice cream. You can infuse a minty and creamy ice cream base with shavings of dark chocolate, allowing for a balanced ratio of fresh mint flavor and chocolate with every spoonful, or you can throw large chunks of chocolate throughout the base, allowing each bite to have a different ratio of mint and dark chocolate flavors.
Goon With The Spoon took the latter approach, and while I like consistency, I actually appreciate the lack of chocolate here — it allows this very refreshing mint base to shine. I found myself savoring each spoonful of this flavor, allowing the ice cream to melt in my mouth until I was left with hard shards of rich dark chocolate that perfectly matched the experience of eating an Andes Mint.
The Bottom Line:
An Andes Mint in ice cream form. Refreshing mint dominates each spoonful followed by a rich dark chocolate finish.
Bourbon Vanilla
Dane Rivera
When I complained that Goon With The Spoon’s Vanilla Bean flavor was unimaginative, it was because I expected a twist on the classic flavor more in line with this delicious Bourbon Vanilla. This flavor has whispers of oaky bourbon and notes of vanilla that when combined taste like a very rich and luxurious banana ice cream. That might sound like a shock but there is a noticeable sweet banana quality to this with top notes of honey.
This would be my go-to flavor if I were making a banana split, chocolate sauce, crushed nuts, and some whipped cream would give this flavor an even more luxurious gourmet quality.
The Bottom Line:
Rich, creamy, comforting, a slightly tropical with banana and honey notes over a sweet vanilla and bourbon base.
Cookie Dough
Dane Rivera
In general, I’m not the biggest fan of Cookie Dough ice cream. I love chocolate chip ice cream, and I love cookie dough, but something about the union of the two just fails to deliver to my expectations. That is, until I had Goon With The Spoon.
Generally, Cookie Dough ice cream is made with a vanilla base peppered with chocolate chips and the occasional ball of delicious cookie dough. But in most cases, each of those ingredients is bottom of the barrel. It’s never Vanilla Bean or French Vanilla, it’s never the same chocolate chips found in actual chocolate chip ice cream, so you pretty much eat it as a socially acceptable delivery device for cookie dough. That’s not the case for this Goon With The Spoon Flavor.
It mixes up the formula by providing tiny bites of chocolate cookie dough throughout a creamy base, giving you what you want — cookie dough in every bite — over a vanilla cream base. The use of chocolate cookie dough over the usual chocolate chip dough infuses richer chocolate notes into this flavor and manages to deliver the best of both cookie dough ice cream and cookies and cream, making this a sort of hybrid flavor that is so good we’re surprised it isn’t more common.
The Bottom Line:
A cookie dough ice cream that actually delivers on the cookie dough.
I don’t know, guys. I’m all for late season twists, but this latest episode of Top Chef Houston felt like a nasty curve with a 3-2 count. In the bottom of the 9th. With the bases loaded. And drug dealers have kidnapped YOUR WIFE! Sorry, halfway through that I realized I was bad at baseball metaphors.
On a serious note, it’s taken me a while to start writing this week’s rankings, simply because I was just that bummed out. I’ve had favorite contestants go home before (shout outs to Chris Scott, Isaac Toups, Fati) but never in such a way that felt quite this unfair. Arbitrary, like an uncaring universe. Could it have even been helped? Are we all just doomed to a life of sadness? This episode made me want to smoke French cigarettes and stare at the sea.
Comedy Central
Fine, I’ll stop wallowing and finish this. So, as teased in the previous episode, this episode took the chefs to that world famous UNESCO city of gastronomy, Tucson, Arizona, where the beer flows like wine.
First stop on their sojourn in glorious Tucson (Oh Tuscon, my Tuscon!) was the El Charro cafe, the oldest, continuously operating Mexican restaurant in the United States. As if that wasn’t cool enough, it’s also the place that invented the chimichanga. They invented it? The chimichanga?! Incredible!
Zoolander
Which, according to legend, happened when someone accidentally dropped an entire burrito in the deep fryer. Mmm, “accidentally,” sure. C’mon, man, this is America, we don’t need “accidents” to invent deep-fried shit, it’s just what we do.
It was there that the four remaining chefs learned all about carne seca, a Mexican-style beef jerky that the El Charro dries by basically hanging it from a giant clothesline above the restaurant like a pair of sneakers. I dunno, man, I think if I wanted to get a look at some dry roast beef I’d have my editor’s mom pull down her underpants (okay last mom joke this week, I swear).
PADMA OUTFIT WATCH
NBC Universal
Carne seca, more like carne sexy, am I right? Yes, “pockets and belts” was definitely the dominant theme with Padma’s designer this season. I’m beginning to think this dude (or lady) just made 30 different motorcycle jackets out of different materials. “HERE’S A MOTORCYCLE JACKET MADE FROM SATIN! HERE’S A MACRAME MOTORCYCLE JACKET! THIS MOTORCYCLE JACKET I MADE OUT OF OLD TOENAIL CLIPPINGS!!”
Hey, man, are you okay?
Anyway, the quickfire challenge (this season’s last) challenged the chefs to incorporate El Charro’s world famous carne seca into a dish highlighting the carne seca. Maybe it should’ve been a bad omen when Damarr reacted to the carne seca like a dog when you rub peanut butter on its gums. He chewed that for a very long time. He did not seem to be having a good time.
After that, it was off to the Sonoran Desert (the most biodiverse desert on Earth!) to bone up on the local fruits, spices, and herbs and stuff. The chefs’ challenge would be to make two dishes; one salty, one sweet; highlighting the local cactus and local pepper — the chiltepine, the only chili pepper native to North America.
Have we ever had such a late-season challenge that was such a gift to one contestant in particular? I know I should probably be the one to answer that question, seeing as how I’ve been writing weekly recaps of this show for like seven years now, but honestly I mostly summon all my strength for a few terrible mom jokes every week and then pass out in a sweaty heap with no memory of the past two hours. Trust the process.
RESULTS
Quickfire Challenge Top: Evelyn, Sarah*. *Winner.
Quickfire Challenge Bottom: Buddha, Damarr.
Elimination Challenge Winner: Evelyn.
Eliminated: Damarr.
POWER RANKINGS
4. (-1) ((Eliminated)) Damarr Brown
NBC Universal
AKA: Catchphrase. James Beard. Screech. Dusty. Drew Barrymahi. Chew-bacca.
Elimination Challenge Dish(es): Pork shoulder glazed in prickly pear barbecue sauce with chiltepin pikliz.
Quotable Critiques: “The pork is beautifully cooked, but there’s not a lot of chiltepine flavor.” “Damarr’s cake makes me want to go back and back and back.”
Yes, I’ve been in the tank for Damarr basically since the beginning. What can I say, he’s one of the most genuine reality show contestants I’ve ever seen. He brought sincere emotions to super corny spon-con challenges, I don’t even understand it.
Damarr maybe tried to soften the blow of his future elimination by grilling an avocado in the quickfire. C’mon, man! Just say no to cooked avocado! I think Padma was as aghast as I was — she did spend most of her teen years in California, after all. For her part, guest judge Carlotta Flores, owner of the El Charro, didn’t seem to mind and chalked Damarr’s bottom-half finish up to a lack of texture.
But it couldn’t soften the blow enough. Damarr got eliminated during a challenge in which he had to cook ingredients he’d never used before, two episodes after Last Chance Kitchen ended, for a dish that received at worst mildly positive reviews. The heartbreak! The disrespect! Tom Colicchio how could you! Un. Fucking. Believable. This world is a toilet filled with rotten turds and we’re all circling the bowl.
Elimination Challenge Dish(es): Lamb chop with chiltepine vinaigrette.
Quotable Critiques: “I think Sarah absolutely nailed this dish.” “Sarah’s dish, it’s a sticky sweet bold goodness.” “Sarah’s dessert was a little too soupy for me.”
Yes, Aunt Frances won the quickfire using ingredients she was just as unfamiliar with as Damarr. Yes, Tom said that her lamb was a worthy of being served at a three-Michelin star restaurant, and as an unabashed lamb piggy I absolutely would’ve ordered that on a menu. Yes, I’m just as biased against Sarah’s chilly, WASPy, faux-chipper Midwesternness as I am for Damarr’s low-key earnestness.
Where was I going with this? I don’t even know anymore. No matter what my brain is telling me about Sarah peaking at the perfect time and tearing through a million chefs in a row in Last Chance Kitchen, my heart is still sandbagging her. Dammit, Sarah! Couldn’t you have screwed up just a little this episode? Not even Sarah battling an uncooperative ice cream machine (classic food show cliché) and spilling half her ice cream base down her shirt could keep Damarr in the competition this week.
My tinfoil hat conspiracy theory is that Buddha was playing 10-dimensional chess when he helped Sarah use the liquid nitrogen for her ice cream, elevating a competitor he thinks he can defeat (Sarah) one he perceives as his greatest challenge (Damarr). Not really, but it’s fun to make stuff up.
2. (even) Evelyn Garcia
NBC Universal
AKA: Cuddles.
Elimination Challenge Dish(es): Nopal relleno with shrimp purée.
Quotable Critiques: “This wasn’t just a great dish, it made me feel creatively inspired.”
Look, I like Evelyn. How could you not? But to state the obvious, a challenge involving ingredients that Evelyn was the only chef familiar with felt like a massive gift to Evelyn. To her credit, she rose to the occasion and won, against some stiff competition, and that nopal relleno did look both delicious and inspired. It may have been a familiar ingredient, but she still found a way to take it out of her comfort zone. I go back and forth about ranking Evelyn at number one. I guess the only reason I’m not is that I can’t imagine things going so easily for her twice in a row.
1. (even) Buddha Lo
NBC Universal
AKA: Mr. International. Big Pun. Asian Ben Mendelsohn. The Salad Nazi. Arnold Schwarzenegger. The Terminator. Moneyball. Big Data.
Elimination Challenge Dish(es): Mission Garden Tom Yum
Quotable Critiques: “My mouth is still warm and throbbing and glowing a little bit.”
Buddha unlocked his “Vacation Mode Buddha” skin this week:
NBC-Universal
Nothing says “just here for the vibes” like visible nipples. I like to think Buddha just cut the corks off one of these hats:
Amazon
Jokes aside, it’s a tough, some might say controversial, nay, BRAVE decision ranking Buddha at number one. But for all his goofy Australianness, Buddha just seems like a Top Chef assassin designed for this exact purpose.
Buddha said he’d been “studying up” on indigenous and Mexican cuisine for this challenge (he always trusts the data) but he also noted that this study didn’t include actually working with any of the ingredients. In the quickfire, Buddha decided to make a “tostader,” and not just a regular tostader like anyone could, but an upside-down tostader. In Australia, the tostaders circle counter-clockwise.
That actually sounded like a pretty good idea (is Taco Bell’s Mexican Pizza just a form of upside-down tostada? Discuss.) but its conceptual genius was undermined by its execution. For all his genius, Buddha apparently couldn’t figure out how to fry a tortilla at the proper temperature and ended up having to double fry, ending up with a greasy tostada shell. “NAAAURRR! This tostader belongs in the dunny, mate.”
For the elimination challenge, Buddha said he was going to make a tom yum inspired by his dead dad and I thought he was done for. Aside from his marry me pasta, Buddha, unlike virtually every other Top Chef contestant, is usually at his worst when he does heartfelt family recipes with a story. This time it did feel like he was learning, because although he did choose a heartfelt family dish, he prepared his soup Buddha-style, with meticulously carved decorative ingredients and insanely labor-intensive dumplings inside. He didn’t win but he fared okay.
This competition is shaping up as a pick-em between perennial favorite Buddha, whose food almost always looks catalog ready, and regional advantage-haver Evelyn and even streaking Sarah. I guess I’m seeding Buddha at number one, partly out of inertia and partly because he just seems like he knows how to play this game the best.
The Golden State Warriors just handled business in the Western Conference Finals and sent the Dallas Mavericks packing with a 4-1 series win. Now the Warriors are heading back to the NBA Finals for the first time since 2019 and will be a likely favorite against either the Boston Celtics or The Miami Heat — especially if the hip-hop gods work their magic with the Dubs again, because, are you ready for this? In the “Woah… that’s crazy!” department, every Kendrick Lamar album drop since 2015 has also been accompanied by a Golden State Warriors NBA Championship.
Whenever @kendricklamar drops an album, the Warriors win the title
That’s right: When Kendrick dropped To Pimp A Butterfly in 2015, the Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers for the team’s first title since 1975. Then when DAMN. dropped in 2017, Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and company beat the Cavs again in the Finals. Finally, when Kendrick was at the helm of the excellent Black Panther Soundtrack in 2018, the Warriors cemented their dynasty with a third title, against the Cavs again, leaving LeBron James in the dust. Maybe if Kendrick hadn’t started taking a very long break from putting out albums, the Warriors wouldn’t have dropped the 2019 Finals to the Toronto Raptors?
(The exception to this rule is Untitled Unmastered, which was released in 2016, when the Warriors lost to the Cavs in seven games. However, Untitled Unmastered isn’t usually considered a proper studio album, since it’s made up of demos from the To Pimp A Butterfly era. So, objection overruled.)
So does this year’s release of Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers signify that another Warriors title is on the horizon? We’ll find out just how powerful this Kendrick/Warriors synergy is within the next two weeks. And somehow, even with the Raptors not making it anywhere close to the Finals this season, Drake still finds himself as a big winner here no matter what.
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