Category: News

While Kanye West has had his fair share of headline-making antics over the years, the rapper now has the internet talking for a very different reason. Kanye has been holed up in Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz stadium for some time in order to complete his long-awaited LP Donda. To celebrate the album’s impending release, Kanye began a 24-hour livestream from his tiny room. He appeared in his underwear at one point, confirming to the world a rumor that has been circulating for years: The rapper is quite endowed.

Talk of Kanye’s massive member has been floating around for a few years now. The rumor actually goes all the way back to the MySpace days, according to Jezebel, when the rapper allegedly had no problem sending a NSFW photo to any woman who inquired. Of course, a few of the photos circulated the internet like wildfire, where they were gawked at for weeks before eventually being deleted.

Kim Kardashian wasn’t shy in speaking about Kanye’s sizeable schlong, either. The rapper’s now-ex addressed Kanye’s anatomy on an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which went relatively under the radar at the time. A pregnant Kim had been undergoing an ultrasound to reveal the gender of her baby. The doctor mentioned they were trying to look to see if Kim’s child had a penis, to which she cheekily responded: “It would definitely take after the father, so you would see it.”

Little, errr, Big Kanye’s cameo may have been brief, but the internet definitely noticed — and definitely had a lot to say about it. People flocked to Twitter to discuss the dong, with some saying they were more impressed than others.

James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad is a beautiful garbage dump of a comic book movie that’s so entertaining, so refreshingly bleak, it has mystified critics. A soft reboot of David Ayer’s grim and disjointed first entry, this group of homicidal maniacs and D-list villains that Gunn’s assembled for DC borrow more from their comic book predecessors. They’re weird. They’re bad. And yes, they’re f*ckable.

Now listen here: every comic book superhero — or antihero in this case — can hit it. They’re all world-saving, muscle-stacked, stamina-sporting “pick mes” that audiences can’t help but lust after, just as Stan Lee intended. But Gunn’s motley crew of thirst-trapping scumbags hit the market at the perfect time, on the heels of a pandemic-driven drought that’s made the masses so randy, a grown man in a polka-dot onesie has sparked the erotic imaginations of some of the best minds of our generation: fanfiction writers.

So, what’s left for us to do but rank these sexy slime buckets by using the Scoville Scale — a helpful tool meant to determine a food’s spice level that we’ve now dragged to such perverse depths, even that hot wings show wouldn’t be able to stand the heat.

Here’s our ranking of every member of The Suicide Squad based on how thirsty they are. (If you blame anyone, blame Adam Driver in that centaur commercial.)

16. Weasel

We’re not here to shame anyone’s kink, but we could not, in good conscience, rate this humanoid ferret any higher on the spice scale. Would he make a fantastic contestant on that Furries-friendly Netflix dating show? Yes. Is his distaste for children relatable and, thus, kind of attractive? For some. But there’s a real possibility of fleas with this one, and if you lived through the Great Bed Bug Infestation Of New York in the early 2010s, you know nothing kills the mood quicker than the smell of insecticide and rubbing alcohol.

15. The Thinker

It’s truly unfortunate that The Suicide Squad chose to disfigure the hottest snack Britain’s given the world since the Bakewell Tart, but here we are. Peter Capaldi plays The Thinker, a villain who poses just as much danger to his teammates as to the oversized starfish they’re battling in the film with his heightened intelligence and devious schemes. Normally, those qualities make for a desirable bedfellow, but can you imagine bumping uglies with the human equivalent of the Coronavirus spike protein? In the middle of the pandemic?! Anthony Fauci did not invite Olivia Rodrigo to the White House for this.

14. Savant

Michael Rooker’s Scoville ranking here is firmly in the “poblano” range. (It’s what white girls mean when they say they love spicy foods.) His character Savant is silent but deadly, a hot trope that will most likely make the vanilla crowd lose their marbles. He’s got a troubled backstory: he wanted to be a hero until that elitist vigilante the rest of the world calls Batman told him he wasn’t good enough, so he became a blackmailing villain with unnervingly good aim and a love for hack-a-sack. He’s quirky, he’s flawed, he has waist-length extensions we’d love to post-coitally brush for hours. Can we fix him? No. Will we torture ourselves trying? Duh.

13. Javelin

Now, Javelin’s backstory is one we can root for. A former Olympian, we can only assume this egotistical Point Break poser realized the parasitic relationship between athletes, and the IOC wasn’t worth it and decided to earn his bag by wielding a giant toothpick for profit instead of pretentious praise. He’s a rebel with an accent and a big stick. Need we say more?

12. Ratcatcher 2

The daughter of an odd Batman adversary, this new addition to the DCEU seems to be one of the few characters with some sort of moral center. She’s young and hopeful, and I have a bad feeling she’ll be dead by the end of the film, so really, it’s best not to get attached. But impending death doesn’t hurt her spice ranking as much as her rat-whispering antics. Look, I loved Ratatouille as much as the next millennial but who wants to horizontal mambo with a bunch of sewer rats watching? Find a new hobby and then come see me.

11. Boomerang

Again, the seductive power of a foreign accent cannot be understated here because Boomerang is the kind of grimy, gold-tooth-sporting piece of shoe gum one would normally bar from their personal chamber of secrets. It’s 2021, we must have standards. But, we can move past the very clear proof that Jai Courtney’s maniacal thief doesn’t bathe for the promise of what else he might be able to do with that boomerang.

10. Mongal

The daughter of an O.G. Superman villain, Mongal hails from a planet called Debstam IV. She’s a warlord who possesses super strength and could challenge Henry Cavill himself in an interplanetary cage match. In other words, she could break you in half, she’s hot enough, and your only choice would be to thank her.

9. T.D.K.

Nathan Fillion is the king of snark, an actor who’s found a way to build sex appeal on the back of pithy dialogue and self-loathing anti-heroes. He’s a cinematic power-bottom, and he’s perfectly cast here as The Detachable Kid, a Mr. Pibb-chugging criminal whose only superpower is being able to detach his arms and legs. He’s likely annoying and incompetent on the battlefield, but one can’t help but be intrigued by the possibilities of two sets of removable limbs in the bedroom. (What?! Like you weren’t thinking about it?)

8. Rick Flag

Let’s be real, Rick Flag was a bit of a stick in the mud in David Ayer’s Suicide Squad. Luckily, Gunn’s given Joel Kinnaman a bit more personality in this interpretation. Flag is less jaded, more naive, and definitely funnier here — all qualities that don’t necessarily elevate him from f*ckboi status, but certainly make him a more desirable f*ckboi. You’d smash, but you wouldn’t tell your friends about it.

7. Amanda Waller

Viola Davis is clearly relishing her chance to play a cold and calculating girlboss in The Suicide Squad and her character, Amanda Waller, seems as callous as ever when this new mission gets underway. Her fanatical patriotism is obviously worrying and she poses the greatest threat to every other character on this list, but, as Henry A. Kissinger once said, “Power is the greatest aphrodisiac.”

6. Polka Dot Man

There’s an episode in Liz Meriwether’s New Girl, in which two men attempt to humiliate themselves, sharing their darkest, most depressing truths to satisfy one hot girl’s sad kink. But, if Polka Dot Man had graced that episode, the competition would’ve been over before it even began. That’s because this guy, the dumbest character in the DC Universe, is a walking advert for antidepressants — only, like, before you start taking them and your serotonin levels out. He’s just sad, all the time, and there’s something incredibly appealing about that. It’s sexual kryptonite for the socially awkward introvert crowd, and really, isn’t that who these movies are made for anyway? Don’t be surprised if David Dastmalchian and his multi-colored onesie become the film’s breakout sex symbol.

5. Blackguard

The Pete Davidson effect is real y’all, and it’s catapulted Blackguard, a truly unremarkable villain, to the upper echelons of our Scoville spiciness scale. I’m not proud of it but greater women than I have fallen victim to this particular brand of Staten Island dirtbag charm which is in full display here as he plays a beefed-up, gun-slinging version of his brainless SNL alter-ego, Chad. Blackguard is a fairly forgettable comic book villain, though he’s the only one ballsy enough to unironically rock a purple ponytail. Sans comical coiffure, he’s just another frat bro mucking sh*t up but dammit, Davidson’s BDE continues to prevail.

4. Bloodsport

Idris Elba is a hot one. The kind of hot one Rob Thomas writes songs about. The kind of hot that could forego Instagram for printing out pictures of himself and handing them out to strangers on the street, and no one would say a word. And as Bloodsport, he’s a grumpy zaddy who once put that self-righteous do-gooder Superman in the ICU — the most impressive feat anyone on this team has achieved so far. So yeah, Bloodsport is the chocolate habanero of our dreams. Sorry, not sorry.

3. Peacemaker

Peacemaker may be a lunatic who thinks placing a chrome toilet lid on his head counts as a superhero costume. He may be a bro-ish beefcake who has modeled his entire personality off a warped sense of hollow patriotism. And he may be the biggest idiot on the team, which, in itself is an eye-opening accomplishment. But he’s played by John Cena, a very attractive human who happens to be comedically gifted enough to make straight-guy jokes about penis-covered beaches funny. He might wear his t-shirts two sizes too small, but he knows that starfish is a slang term for butthole. He’s a man of contradictions who is motivated by noble ideals and willing to get his hands dirty for them. You could probably get him to do some freaky sexual acrobatics in the name of peace and liberty is all we’re saying.

2. Harley Quinn

Every iteration of Margot Robbie’s deranged court jester is swoon-worthy, but the Harley Quinn of James Gunn’s dreams is a cultural reset. She’s here to ruin your day and look good doing it. The character is at her best when she works within a team and when she’s not chained down by that abusive clown-for-hire. Harley Quinn is fully in her Hot Girl Summer season here, and we’d happily let her break our knees with a baseball bat whenever she had a passing fancy to do so.

1. King Shark

Here, at last, is our entry into the internet simp-dom of The Suicide Squad’s meatiest snack monster. The Humanoid shark himbo of our dreams, King Shark is both villain and anti-hero in the comics, a creature who’s allied (and fought against) Aquaman, Super Boy, and Task Force X on numerous occasions. Still, humans are his favorite option for a quick bite so you’ll never really be sure whether he wants to “Nom Nom” on your private bits or your more vital organs. But hey, risk is expected when you’re riding for a demigod with a dad bod, right?

‘The Suicide Squad’ streams on HBO Max and arrives in theaters on August 6.

Has this ever happened to you?: You and your family are trapped on a boat that’s lost power, only to be rescued from one of the judges from Shark Tank. That’s what happened to former hockey player Tom Lawson — who played for such minor league teams as the Cincinnati Mighty Ducks and the Hershey Bears — as well as his wife and their three kids, who may owe their lives to no less a TV personality than Robert Herjavec.

The Shark Tank star shared the story on Instagram. He was on Lake Joseph in Ontario. “I was out jet skiing and I saw a boat drifting with a dad and his three kids, waving their arms frantically,” he told People. “My first thought was they must love Shark Tank, but then I realized they were out of gas and stranded.”

What’s more, there was, Herjavec said, a “sense of urgency”: The sun was going down. “They were in an unlit aluminum boat not meant to be out at night,” he explained. “We found a rope, tied it to the jet ski and I towed them back to their lake house.”

And so the star of a show about fish that aren’t as dangerous as Jaws and The Shallows and Jaws: The Revenge make them out to be, as a New York Times piece argued, is a legitimate hero. “Did my good deed for the day!” he told People. “It’s funny, the dad is a fireman and said to me he normally rescues people — so now I get to say I rescued a fireman. They were super nice, appreciative and big Shark Tank fans. See, sharks can be nice too!”

(Via People)

Have you ever watched an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and thought, “Boy, I wish I were in that situation?” Well, if for some reason you have, boy do we have the game recommendation for you! Spin Master Games has created a card game based on the beloved series that completely revolves around awkward situations and finding the best way to weasel out of them.

In the Curb Your Enthusiasm: A Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good Party Game, 3-6 players to take on the role of Larry David as they compete to be the best, well, Larry David. Players do this by countering “Situation Cards” (all inspired from the cringe-inducing series, of course) with “Pretty-ay Good Excuse Cards,” which can range from “I’m so starved for affection…” to “The golden rule trumps everything.” However, the game allows then players to counter other players, forcing them in a competition with one another to create the best excuses to get out of some pretty awkward encounters. Ultimately, the first Larry David to win five situation wins the title of “Ultimate Larry David” and the game.

Included in Curb Your Enthusiasm: A Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good Party Game are 75 “Situation Cards,” 200 “Pretty-ay Good Excuse Cards,” and 25 “Try Again Larry Cards,” allowing for quite a bit of play. In addition, the game boasts itself as something everyone can play, calling itself a “perfect icebreaker for parties, get-togethers, date nights, and family game nights.” All in all, it seems this game is must buy before for those season 11 premiere parties Curb Your Enthusiasm super fans are sure to throw when it returns later this year.

Hart to Heart: Season 1 (Peacock series) — Kevin Hart’s doing celebrity interviews with a twist, and that twist is wine. The result, hopefully, will be unfiltered conversation with actors, musicians, and other such influential people. Will things get a little bit messy, perhaps? With any luck, yes, as we hear about these A-listers’ journey to to their current statures, along with an obligatory discussion about obstacles with a dash of humor.

Through Our Eyes: Season 1 (HBO Max series) — Sesame Workshop gets dark with this quartet of 30-minute films that intend for adults to watch with their kids, who should be at least 9 years old, according to HBO Max’s press information. Each installment will follow children as they experience enormously challenging family issues, including parental incarceration, housing insecurity, weather-related disasters, and the hurdle of a military parent who’s been injured. These very real issues mean to teach lessons in empathy and will hopefully educate all ages.

In case you missed these Thursday picks from last week…

FBoy Island: Season 1 (HBO Max series) — Hoo boy this show looks like one hot mess, and that might be exactly what you need during this slightly disastrous summer. Escape to a land where a dozen self-proclaimed “FBoys” compete against a dozen self-proclaimed “Nice Guys” for the affections of three ladies. Nikki Glaser hosts, and the show aims to answer the ultimate social experiment’s question, according to the synopsis: “Can FBoys truly reform or do Nice Guys always finish last?” (Well, one of the FBoys crushes a mango with his bicep in the show’s trailer, so this is entertainment.)

The Wine Show: Season 3 (Sundance/Acorn TV series) — Who doesn’t want to see a bunch of dashing and distinguished gentlemen — Matthew Goode, Matthew Rhys and James Purefoy — travel across Portugal to unearth the region’s best wine? There’s also an exploration of sparkling wine and other countries involved, including Thailand and Germany, and eventually there’s New York City, along with wine, wine, and more wine.

Cecily Strong’s nine-year run on Saturday Night Live might have ended earlier this spring, but if it did she certainly went out with a bang. The sketch comedy vet put on a wine-soaked rendition of “My Way” as an unhinged Judge Jeanine that broke Colin Jost and made many wonder if that would be the last time she appeared on stage in Studio 8H.

Strong has said she’s unsure if she will return for a tenth season of the show, even if Lorne Michaels has made it clear he wants Strong and other longtime cast members on board until at least Season 50. In a lovely New York Times feature on Strong and her new memoir, This Will All Be Over Soon, the star made it clear she’s “still thinking” about her future after what was a difficult season amid the coronavirus pandemic.

“I’m still thinking,” she said. “Throughout the year there were times where I felt like a fifth-year senior and I’m just hanging around, dead weight. Then there would be moments that felt so good.”

She added, “There’s things I want to do, and I want to be open for these things. If I’m there, great — if I’m not there, great. I just want it to feel like the right thing.”

Michaels is quoted in the piece as saying “I don’t think she’s done yet,” but the feature also touched again on the potential sendoff that got everyone buzzing earlier in the year. There’s a pretty funny anecdote about the SNL crew testing out whether Strong could open her eyes in the wine-like liquid she gave her hypothetical swan song in. And we also learned what that concoction actually was.

She also pointed out that the tank she immersed herself in at its conclusion was actually filled with “watered-down grape juice, but it was very warm — I appreciated it.”

“The safety guy was like, don’t open your eyes under there because the juice will burn, and I was like, OK, thank you, I wasn’t planning on it,” she recalled. “And then he said, I splashed it in my eyes to test it out, and I was like, you didn’t have to do that.”

The full interview goes more into detail about her book and the difficult year that was. And while we didn’t get much new information about what her fall will hold, it’s clear Strong will have very fond memories about her last appearance in Season 47 whether it’s her swan song or not.

For years, fans have been begging for Aaliyah’s music to be released on streaming services. The late singer’s label, Blackground Records, finally announced that many of their artists’ music, including Aaliyah’s, will be made available to stream. While fans may be rejoicing about their ability to rock out to their favorite Aaliyah classics, not everyone can share the same excitement as several of the artists won’t see the profits.

Blackground Records announced on Thursday that they have officially inked a new deal with Empire, per a report from Billboard. The deal allows their artists’ music to hit streaming services for the first time ever. Aaliyah’s Estate, however, wasn’t happy with the decision. Hours before the news was announced, Aaliyah’s Estate issued a lengthy statement criticizing unnamed executives for coming forward to “leech off” the singer’s career. They called the deal an “unscrupulous endeavor to release Aaliyah’s music” without transparency or their approval.

R&B singer JoJo now finds herself in a similar position. The singer signed to Blackground Records when she was still a preteen. As explained in a recent Honda Backstage interview, JoJo says the label refused to release her music for years. Because of that, JoJo’s career fell off and she ended up taking matters into her own hands by suing Blackground Records and eventually re-recording her early albums.

JoJo reacted to the Blackground Records news shortly after it was announced. The singer took to social media to express her surprise about new deal. “Who would’ve thought…,” she tweeted.

Replying to a fans’ tweet, JoJo claimed she will not be awarded any profits from the streaming sales of her early albums. “never telling you what to do, but just so you know – a stream of the re-recorded 2018 version supports me and helps me continue to do what I love,” she wrote. “streaming the original unfortunately does not.”

JoJo is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Ted Cruz will never live down his ill-advised decision to flee to sunny Cancun while his Texas constituents froze during a power crisis. The much-maligned senator, however, shows himself to not take a hint when people keep coming for him. He’s keen to also self-own, like he’s done while lurking in the bushes at the U.S.-Mexico border and standing in a crumbled home while visiting Israel on Memorial Day. Yet Cruz also can’t resist a good, old-fashioned Twitter fight, as the noted The Princess Bride superfan did while sparring with Cary Elwes. Who’s Ted fighting with now? Dan Rather.

Yep, a sitting senator is duking it out (from behind a keyboard) with a veteran news anchor. To be fair, Rather threw the first punch after Ted appeared on CNBC’s Squawk Box to suggest that COVID mandates (mask, vaccine, etc.), or “papers,” of any sort are basically totalitarianism at its finest. Rather responded to the interview with a zinger: “Don’t you have to show your papers to get on a flight to Cancun, and check into a luxury hotel?”

Boom. Well, Ted never can resist pushing back, so he dragged out the time that Rather apologized for not properly verifying (in 2004) a set of documents about George W. Bush’s National Guard service. Cruz busted in and went further with that story while accuisng Rather of directly counterfeiting the papers by himself (which wasn’t what happened). “You were so partisan & dishonest that CBS fired you for fraud, which is really saying something,” Cruz declared. “So now you’re an angry Leftist who reflexively defends Dems & authoritarian mandates.”

Cruz calling anyone partisan is rich as heck. Also, he’s very sensitive for a guy who helped incite an insurrection and then hopped on a plane to abandon his constituents. And Twitter had no problem pointing this out.

A man who uses a wheelchair fell onto the tracks in a New York City subway station on Wednesday afternoon. A CBS New York writer was at the scene of the incident and says that people rushed to save the man after they heard him “whimpering.”

It’s unclear why the man fell onto the tracks.

A brave rescuer risked his life by jumping on the tracks to get the man to safety knowing that the train would come barreling in at any second. The footage is even more dramatic because you can hear the station’s PA system announce that the train is on its way.

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But the frantic rescuers beat the clock and were able to pull the man to safety about 10 seconds before the train arrived at the platform.

The good Samaritans that helped the man have yet to be identified. The man who was rescued was taken to Bellevue hospital and is in stable condition.

A lot of people who saw the video on Twitter thought it was a great example of how when the going gets tough, New Yorkers are there for each other.

Six years ago, a high school student named Christopher Justice eloquently explained the multiple problems with flying the Confederate flag. A video clip of Justice’s truth bomb has made the viral rounds a few times since then, and here it is once again getting the attention it deserves.

Justice doesn’t just explain why the flag is seen as a symbol of racism. He also explains the history of when the flag originated and why flying a Confederate flag makes no sense for people who claim to be loyal Americans.

But that clip, as great as it is, is a small part of the whole story. Knowing how the discussion came about and seeing the full debate in context is even more impressive.

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In 2015, a student at Shawnee Mission East High School outside of Kansas City came up with the idea to have student journalists document students engaging in open discussions about various topics. In support of this idea, history teacher David Muhammad helped arrange a debate about the use of the Confederate flag in American society in his classroom.

According to the Shawnee Mission Post, Muhammad had prepared a basic outline and some basic guiding questions for the discussion, but mainly let the students debate freely. And the result was one of the most interesting debates about the Confederate flag you’ll ever see—one that both reflects the perspectives in American society at large and serves as an example of how to hold a respectful conversation on a controversial topic.

The full discussion is definitely worth a watch. Justice had quite a few Confederacy defenders to contend with, and he skillfully responded to each point with facts and logic. Other students also chimed in, and the discussion is wildly familiar to anyone who has engaged in debate on this topic. For his part, Mr. Muhammad did an excellent job of guiding the students through the debate.

SME Confederate Flag Debate

www.youtube.com

“I had Chris in class, so I knew he was super intelligent and that he read a lot,” Muhammad told the Shawnee Mission Post in 2018. “But that really came out of left-field. He was never out there very much socially, so I didn’t expect for him to want to speak in front of a crowd like that.”

(In case you’re wondering, according to LinkedIn, Christopher Justice is now studying political science at Wichita State University after switching his major from sports management. David Muhammad is now Dean of Students at Pembroke Middle School and also serves as a Diversity Consultant.)

Thanks, SM East, for documenting and sharing such a great discussion.