Category: News

“The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,

It isn’t just one of your holiday games…”

When T.S. Eliot wrote “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” in 1939, he probably never imagined his poetry would be turned into a delightfully despised musical. And when unsuspecting show-goers witnessed the spectacle of CATS on stage for the first time, they likely had no idea how much of the largely non-existent plot would be about what, why, how cats are named.

Silly, perhaps, but the naming of cats truly is a difficult matter. Cats are bizarro screwballs of the highest order. They start off adorable little puffs purring fur, and evolve into beautiful animal specimens that emanate strength and grace on the one hand and hilarious quirks and personality on the other. How can you possibly choose a name that truly befits such a magnificently weird creature?

You can’t. Which is why people end up naming their cats the silliest names they can think of.

On Twitter, Jennifer Xiao posted a simple observation that got a hilarious ball rolling: “Dog owners will pick names like max or bailey and cat owners will literally name their cat beef stroganoff.”

Cue the deluge of pretty kitties with shameless names.

Lots of pasta cats out there. How cute is “Wednesday Fettucine”? Come on now.

No shortage of fruit and fruit-flavored names as well.

Rooty tooty fresh and frutiy kitties, all day long.

Who names a cat “Egg”? Several people, apparently. Egg, Eggs, Eggsy.

CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME. I can’t.

Green Bean Casserole is a cutie. But the promotion and demotion of Beans is hilarious. “Grand Marshall Beans!”

And yes, someone actually did name their cat Beef Stroganoff. “Strogi” for short.

But food names are just the beginning. It gets so much better.

Meet beautiful baby Bong Water.

And Mozzarella Television.

Hallway. HALL.WAY. People are so magical.

Missy sounds normal enough, until you find out it’s short for Missile Launcher.

And then there’s Beanbag. Is her middle name Chair? Hope so.

Stinky and Pot Roast are cute. But Astral Projection (to the Nearest Target) might just take the cake.

Someone shared that their friend had named their huge cat Parking Lot. Another had a cat named Beep. Some shared epically long names like Lady Cassandra Johanna Von Mussel Klossowski De Rolo De Conerty II.

One person pointed out that the reason people feel they can name their cats any old random thing is because they never have to call their cats’ names in public. Yelling out “BEEF STROGANOFF!” or “BONG WATER!” or “PARKING LOT!” might be a little…awkward.

But of course, unique names are not the domain of cats alone. Check out this person who named their snake Minecraft Creative Mode and who once had a dog whose full name was Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga (2007). (Lego for short.)

Going back to T.S. Eliot, he wrote that every cat has three different names—one everyday name that the family uses, one name that’s peculiar and unique even among other cats, and a secret name that only the cat knows and enjoys pondering on occasion:

“When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name.”

Perhaps that’s why we give cats such silly, goofy, laughable names. They have their own cosmic, mysterious name we’re never going to know, so why the heck not name them Microsoft Windows or Spam Sandwich or Driveway? They’re just going to ignore us when we say it anyway.

As Major League Baseball’s opening day approaches, the 2021 season appears as though it’ll look a bit more like seasons we’ve seen in the past.

Commissioner Rob Manfred has informed teams that fans will be allowed in the stands this season, but each franchise must adhere to local health guidelines.

However, things will forever be different at Progressive Field, the home field of the Cleveland Indians. The team announced that fans will no longer be admitted if they are wearing “inappropriate dress” referencing Native American culture.

Fans will not be allowed into the stadium if they are wearing “headdresses and face paint styled in a way that references or appropriates American Indian cultures and traditions. Inappropriate or offensive images, words, dress or face paint must be covered or removed, and failure to do so may constitute grounds for ejection or refusal of admission.”

The no-tolerance policy also involves abusive or inappropriate language or conduct deemed disorderly or disruptive and bans people from solicitation of contributions and distribution of literature at the stadium.

Cleveland fans will still be permitted to wear clothing with its cartoonish, red-faced Chief Wahoo logo, although the team removed it from its uniforms two years ago.

Last December, it was revealed the team intends to change the Indians nickname it’s had since 1915. It’s believed that 2021 will be the team’s final season as the Indians with a rebrand coming in 2022.

The team has been known as the Indians since 1915 when its name was changed to pay homage to a former Native American player, Louis Sockalexis, who played for the team in the late 1800s when it was known as The Spiders.

Cleveland’s decision to phase out its association with Naive American imagery comes alongside the NFL’s Washington Football Team, who announced before last season that they were rebranding the team and dropping the former “Redskins” moniker.

Hopefully, this decision ends the ugly, long-standing history of Opening Day showdowns between Cleveland fans and Native American activists.

Warning: The following video contains strong language.

Chief Wahoo fans hurl insults at Native Americans

www.youtube.com

Recently, the team began asking its fans for their input regarding the new name. The questionnaire asks what type of qualities would they like to see in a new name (i.e., hard-working, loyal, inclusive). It also asks how closely the team’s new name should be associated with the city of Cleveland and whether or not it should keep the current red, white, and blue color scheme and the “Block C” logo.

The Indians released the following statement to 3News:

“We can confirm that we sent a survey regarding the name change out to our fans. This fan-solicited feedback is just one portion of a multi-phase process that we vowed to take when we decided to embark on a new name in December. Future decisions will continue to take time due to the complexities of the process.”

Last year, our partner site GOOD shared some of the most popular suggestions regarding a new team name for Cleveland.

Sports has a unique way of bringing people from all walks of life together. Let’s hope that going forward, Cleveland chooses a name that reflects the times and respects other cultures while instilling a sense of loyalty and pride to its fans.

Prior to this afternoon, it seemed like now was a great time to be a Brockhampton fan. They recently released a new video for a fresh Danny Brown collaboration, “Buzzcut,” and a few days ago, they revealed they have a new album coming soon, as Roadrunner: New Light, New Machine is set to drop on April 9.

The outlook changed today, though, when Kevin Abstract took to his Twitter account, which prior to this month hadn’t been tweeted from since 2019, to declare that Brockhampton is releasing another album this year after Roadrunner. After those albums, though, the band does not intend to ever release more albums.

Abstract tweeted this afternoon, “2 brockhampton albums in 2021 – these will be our last.” Shortly after that tweet, Abstract followed up by revealing that a new song is set to drop tomorrow night (presumably on Friday at midnight), tweeting, “New single tmrw night. Summer time vibes. Ride around with the windows down with ya best friend singing super loud to the chorus type vibe – shows the other side of the album. See Yal tmrw.”

If Brockhampton truly does come to an end in 2021, Abstract could pivot to focus on his solo career. His latest solo effort was his 2019 album Arizona Baby, although he later expressed some regret about making that record.

When Wyatt Russell‘s John Walker made his big debut as the new Captain America at the end of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier‘s premiere, fans were not loving him, and that hatred only grew deeper as audiences got to spend more time with the new Cap in Episode 2, “The Star-Spangled Man with the Plan.” You’d think that kind of negative reaction would not sit easy with an actor, but Russell is here for it.

“That’s the goal,” he told The Wrap before detailing how his character is struggling after being rejected (twice) by Sam and Bucky, and that the awkward existence of his new Cap is intentional:

“There’s elements to him where he wants to be able to do it without the super soldier serum. Just be that good,” Russell says. “He does have those ideas in his head of wanting people to like him, like his version of Captain America. It sort of gets rained on and causes him to have to rethink how things are going to be done.”

As for the consequences of that rethinking, Russell sticks to the requisite Marvel secrecy, but it sounds like even more tension is coming down the road. “He definitely doesn’t make life easier for anybody,” Russell says. As for taking on the daunting task of filling in Chris Evans’ shoes, Russell recently told Jimmy Kimmel that just like his character John Walker, he walked into his new role completely unprepared. Outside of Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2, which starred his dad, Russell was not too familiar with the MCU.

“I didn’t grow up knowing much about comics,” Wyatt confessed to Kimmel. “My heroes were athletes. So when I came on set, I was asking, ‘What does that mean?’ Or, ‘Who’s that person?’… and finally, Sebastian was like, ‘Dude, stop asking questions. You’re gonna get even more confused than you are… when you get answers, it’s gonna be worse.’”

(Via The Wrap)

All the cool kids are on TV these days, which means that all the A-listers (like Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant) are all over your HBO. Well, Kate Winslet has been there and done that (in 2011’s Mildred Pierce), and she’s back with the premium cable channel again to star in Mare of Easttown. Kate portrays a small-town detective (and ex-high school basketball goddess) who’s naturally ignoring the crumbling of her own inner self while burying herself in the town’s murder cases. The color palette of this show is as dreary as they come, although it doesn’t seem that this show is going for the gritty vibe.

Instead, Kate’s simply a detective with a messy inner life. The show’s heavy on the HBO talent, given that it’s directed by Craig Zobel (The Leftovers and Westworld), and the incredible cast includes Jean Smart (following up on Watchmen) and Julianne Nicholson (from The Outsider). We’ll probably see some Emmy nominations coming for this show, which is written by Brad Ingelsby (The Way Back), who hails from Pennsylvania, close to where the series is set. Via the synopsis, the limited series performs “an exploration into the dark side of a close community and an authentic examination of how family and past tragedies can define our present.”

Mare of Eastwood premieres on April 18.

Today is March 31, and no this is not an April Fools joke, fans of Mario that have any interest in Mario 3D All-Stars better make their purchase today, because as of April 1 it is going to be delisted from stores. It’s safe to assume that physical versions of the game will still be floating around retailers for a few months after, but eventually, it’s going to be impossible to find a brand new copy of 3D All-Stars.

Not only that but the 35 player battle royale, Mario 35, will no longer be available to play as of April 1 as well. Yes, not just delisted from the store, but they plan to shut down the servers for it as well making the game unplayable. It’s free with a Nintendo online subscription so anyone that wants to have one last night of fun with Mario 35 can do so tonight.

This is a huge bummer! Nintendo has never followed the traditional rules of most video game companies, and it usually works out for them monetarily, but that doesn’t mean this is good for gaming as a whole. Nobody wants to see video games disappear and Nintendo choosing to throw three of them behind a vault, and make one unavailable completely, is a quixotic decision no matter how it’s swung.

If there’s any hope, the common belief is that Nintendo plans to eventually split up the Mario 3D All-Stars pack into individual re-releases that can later be bought at full price. This isn’t great news, but it’s better than three of Mario’s greatest adventures being thrown behind the vault never to be seen again. Of course, you can always go back and play them on their original hardware as well, but that can be said about any port or remaster.

We’ll just have to see how Nintendo approaches this in the future, but for now, this collection pack and battle royale is going to disappear on April 1 and that’s disappointing.

It’s been four years since Kali Masi released their debut full-length Wind Instrument. For their sophomore effort, they returned to the studio with Jay Maas of legendary melodic hardcore band Defeater with a refined punk rock aesthetic ripe with intense hooks and heavy instrumentals. [laughs] is all about finding the strength to be unequivocally yourself, and is another impressive release from the Chicago-based punks.

To celebrate the new album, vocalist and guitarist Sam Porter sat down to talk Instagram, ’90s movies, and gift giving techniques in the latest Indie Mixtape 20 Q&A.

What are four words you would use to describe your music?

Heartfelt, Urgent, Holistic, Smart.

It’s 2050 and the world hasn’t ended and people are still listening to your music. How would you like it to be remembered?

I’d like to be remembered for having integrity and a dynamic body of work that has a piece in it for everyone. I’d love to have no song worth skipping at the end of our road.

What’s your favorite city in the world to perform?

Tough to say. I love something different about every city. Some highlights are definitely Philadelphia, Fort Collins, Hamburg, and Edinburgh.

Who’s the person who has most inspired your work, and why?

I’m super inspired by Laura Jane Grace, Joe Strummer, and Carrie Brownstein. I think those three people are really boundless in their creative explorations and don’t give a fuck about rules. That’s been inspiring to me.

Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Rolberto’s Taco Shop, San Diego, CA.

What album do you know every word to?

The first three Against Me! LP’s. Runner up = CTRL by SZA.

What was the best concert you’ve ever attended?

The Hives at the Metro in Chicago. White Suit-era.

What is the best outfit for performing and why?

Dirty jeans, an old t-shirt and new sneakers. Nothing to overthink or malfunction, probably not going to slip and fall.

Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

I think we all fell in love with Jordan Firstman a bit this year. He makes me laugh pretty hard. I love seeing Reuben Wu’s photography and watching his process for his landscape photography. A small account that I love is my_bloody_quarantine. A friend of ours has been making these ABSURD bloody Mary’s with way too many ingredients (five small pizzas? Several burgers?) throughout quarantine and it’s really funny to me.

What’s your most frequently played song in the van on tour?

At some point in every tour, someone usually puts on Transplants self-titled. It’s probably something from that!

What’s the last thing you Googled?

Transplants 2002, because I wasn’t certain it was self-titled or called ‘2002’!

What album makes for the perfect gift?

I always try to give people things that help them grow in some ways, not just STUFF. I actually have an acronym that I use to brainstorm gift ideas. It’s really cheesy but its always helpful! Gives Inspiration For Transformation.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever crashed while on tour?

Uhhhhhh, first couple that come to mind: abandoned mattress store in Austin, TX. There were no beds to sleep on? Super Happy Fun Land Houston, TX (if you know, you know). Some girl gave us the keys to her flat after our first UK show. She didn’t come with us, she just gave us the keys!! Packing many people into many motel rooms suitable for only one person. In the van when it is outrageously hot.

What’s the story behind your first or favorite tattoo?

First tattoo: Lyrics to a song by my older brothers band on my chest. I’ve since been covering it up, the lyrics are great but the tattoo is not great. The artist who did it actually was responsible for having the shop he worked at shut down the same year I got the tattoo. He tattooed an MLB baseball team’s logo on someone backwards and they sued.

What artists keep you from flipping the channel on the radio?

I always sing along to Lana, I’ll stick around when Foo Fighters come on as well. Not ashamed to admit it.

What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I’m a Type 1 diabetic and I have an insulin pump on me at all times. My mom sewed these little pump-sized pockets on my underwear for Christmas for me one year because she knows I love walking around in my underwear but couldn’t do it without having to carry the pump. It was so sweet! I cried.

What’s one piece of advice you’d go back in time to give to your 18-year-old self?

Hey Sam- those people you think are wrong? Yeah, they’re wrong. You’re different. Embrace it.

What’s the last show you went to?

Joyce Manor Acoustic Matinee in Denver, CO at Ratio Brewing. They were so hungover but it was so fun.

What movie can you not resist watching when it’s on TV?

My Cousin Vinny, Clueless, That Thing You Do.

What would you cook if Obama were coming to your house for dinner?

Probably some dope vegan Middle-Eastern food while I ask him why he bombed so many innocent middle eastern civilians during his time in office.

[laughs] is out now on Take This To Heart Records. Listen here.

DeMarcus Cousins has not been the force this season that he used to be earlier in his career. Before he was waived by the Houston Rockets, Cousins shot less than 40 percent from the field while averaging career lows in points and rebounds. A mix of injuries and an inability to find the right fit have led to Cousins seeking out his fourth team in the last three seasons — he was technically part of the Lakers’ championship team last season, but an ACL injury sidelined him for the entire season.

Cousins’ career could be at the point of no return if he doesn’t find a landing spot soon, but one team is willing to give him a shot. According to reports, the Clippers are reportedly interested in signing Cousins to a 10-day contract, and he’ll join the team after he clears COVID testing protocols.

This could be an interesting spot for Cousins. While he hasn’t been impressive this season, there would be no need for Cousins to do too much on the Clippers. They have plenty of players who can create with the ball in their hands like Kawhi Leonard, Paul George, Reggie Jackson, and Nicolas Batum, and thanks to the play of Ivica Zubac and Serge Ibaka, he presumably will not be asked to play major minutes.

With this being a 10-day contract, it’s obviously low risk for the Clippers, but it will be essential for Cousins to prove that he still has something in the tank. If he can make it work, it’s not hard to foresee the 30-year-old big man using this signing as a chance to land somewhere next season.

Miley Cyrus is currently celebrating the 15th anniversary of the premiere of her breakout TV series, Hannah Montana. And what better way to celebrate a defining career moment than with cold, hard cash? Cyrus shared that she’s teaming up with the money transfer app Cash App to give away $1 million worth of stocks to fans.

The giveaway kicked off Wednesday and continues until April 13, or until the entirety of the one million dollars is fully allocated. To participate, fans must simply comment their favorite company or stock along with their Cash App username on any one of Miley’s social media posts. The winners will be selected at random, and they’ll be able to hold fractional stocks in various publicly traded companies.

Announcing the partnership, Cyrus wrote: “Nothing is more important than investing in yourself. I want to spread ownership to as many people as I can, so I’m teaming up with @CashApp to give out $1 MILLION in stocks.”

Cyrus isn’t the first musician to partner with Cash App for a massive giveaway. Back in August, Megan Thee Stallion teamed up with the platform to celebrate the success of her joint Cardi B track “WAP” by similarly giving away $1 million to fans.

Find more information on the giveaway’s rules here.

Some of the artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

It’s one of the all-time great tweets: “Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.” Matt Gaetz is Twitter’s main character today.

The Florida congressman is the focus of a Justice Department investigation “over whether he had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old and paid for her to travel with him,” according to the New York Times. Gaetz was on Tuesday’s episode of Tucker Carlson Tonight for what host Tucker Carlson called “one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever conducted,” and a tweet of his came back to him in the butt(head). The poor timing keeps coming: the job search site Daybook posted a listing for an intern in Gaetz’s office, hours after the New York Times report came out. The jokes write themselves.

It reads:

In the Washington, DC office, internships run throughout the fall, spring, or summer semesters for college students. Although all internships in all offices are unpaid, students gain invaluable work experience. The hours are flexible to accommodate students’ hectic course schedules, but generally run 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. when Congress is in session, and 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. when not in session… In Washington, DC, interns’ responsibilities will vary. They may be asked to answer phones, run errands, research legislation for the Member and legislative staff, attend hearings and briefings and answer constituent letters on various issues before the House. As a result, interns learn about the legislative process and the many other functions of a congressional office.

The listing (and tweet) went viral, but it wasn’t because of an abundance of applications:

Gaetz has previously been accused of creating a game where he would get points for “sleeping with aides, interns, lobbyists, and married legislators.”

(Via Raw Story)