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In 2004, it was hard to conceive of a band more out of step with what was currently fashionable in indie rock than The Hold Steady. Founded by former Lifter Puller members Craig Finn and Tad Kubler, The Hold Steady was in fact inspired by their shared dissatisfaction with the prevailing trends of the time. As post-punk throwbacks and danceable grooves were captivating critics, The Hold Steady emerged with riff-heavy, piano-accented anthems that drew on Finn’s youthful, Middle American misadventures. Right when everyone else was enraptured with leather jackets and Duran Duran, The Hold Steady waved the flag for cheap beer and Bob Seger.

As the decade progressed, The Hold Steady somehow become one of indie’s most acclaimed and popular acts, not bad for what was initially looked at even by the band members as a lark that likely wouldn’t go far. But then, as they entered the 2010s, the fairy tale started sour. Over time, a band that once commented on classic-rock clichés with wit and insight now seemed to embody them. There was in-fighting, health scares, indifferently received mid-period albums, and failed reboots. By the mid-2010s, they were teetering on the edge of a break-up.

And yet, in the manner of all rousing rock ‘n’ roll comeback stories, The Hold Steady weathered the storm and came out stronger on the other side. Thrashing Thru The Passion, their 2019 album featuring the return of prodigal keyboardist Franz Nicolay, was The Hold Steady’s most loved LP in years. Now, they’re prepping for the Feb. 19 release of Open Door Policy, an album that integrates the more layered production of Finn’s solo records (steered by excellent indie producer of the moment Josh Kaufman) into The Hold Steady’s bedrock, rough-and-tumble sound. The result suits this battle-scarred though ultimately lovable band — it’s their most mature record and one of their darkest, but it also evinces the genuine joy that’s enabled them to endure.

To trace their path to Open Door Policy, Finn and Kubler looked back on their catalogue, and spoke candidly about The Hold Steady’s myriad highs and lows over the course of more than 15 years and eight albums.

Almost Killed Me (2004)

Tad Kubler: Look, I’m not going to lie to you: We were very, very aware that what we were doing was not at all popular, you know? But I think we tried to celebrate that.

Craig Finn: In 2002, I went to see the Drive-By Truckers at Bowery Ballroom and I was like, “Oh, I want to be in a band again.” Just straight ahead, telling stories and playing guitars.

TK: I guess the thing that I remember most is writing that record in Craig’s kitchen. I would be sitting at his table with just an electric guitar not even plugged into an amp playing along, and he would be pacing back and forth in his kitchen writing down lyrics and singing.

CF: I was a little burnt on indie rock. In Lifter Puller, we started to like rock ‘n’ roll more than indie rock. What we listened to in the van was AC/DC. Back then, you could go into a record store and find a used copy of Let It Bleed, pay $3 for it, and come home and be like, “Wow.”

TK: I was listening to a lot of Led Zeppelin, and especially on the first record I was listening to a lot of Rolling Stones. Classic rock is very much where I come from growing up in Wisconsin with some of the older kids in the neighborhood. When I was 11 or 12 years old, Eric and Tony Goth, they had a band called Holy Terror and they used to rehearse in their basement. And it was everything from Judas Priest to Black Sabbath to Van Halen, and I just used to go over and watch them play. And then as I got into junior high and discovered the Clash and the Sex Pistols and Circle Jerks, stuff like that.

CF: I moved to New York in 2000. In those three years, we found a really cool group of people that we were having a lot of fun with and that’s the album cover, all our friends. Towards the end, we found a clubhouse, which was HiFi on Avenue A. We were just having a lot of fun. I think that that really shines through on that record.

TK: We weren’t sure if we were going to play shows or if we were even going to put music out. I tend to just stumble into things and am very fortunate that way, where Craig has more of a vision and can kind of see the bigger picture.

CF: When that record was recorded, the expectations were minor. I don’t know that we totally even knew we were making a record. We had six songs and we recorded those. Then a few months later, we had six more. We went in and recorded those. It was two different weekends. We hadn’t really started touring heavily and all that. We all had other jobs. There was a real party atmosphere in the studio. There was a looseness to it that I really love.

TK: I remember being in the studio and making overdub decisions, and Craig and I were kind of smiling and laughing with Dean [Baltulonis, the album’s producer] saying, “Oh man, if or when people hear this, this is going to bum everybody out.”

CF: Everything else culturally was bands with tight pants and making indie rockers dance again, that kind of thing. We were like, “What if we bummed everyone out?”

TK: You know, like the absurdly long solo at the end of “Most People Are DJs.” There was a lot of me doing guitar overdubs after many, many, many beers, and Craig and Dean egging me on a little bit.

CF: Something that was smart was releasing it on Frenchkiss. They were a label known for Les Savy Fav and a lot of the artsy punk stuff. To come out with a down-in-the-middle rock record, I think people looked at it in a certain way that ended up being really helpful. In our first bio, I wrote that we were a bar band and that’s been repeated ad naseum.

Separation Sunday (2005)

CF: For a lot of people that that’s still their favorite record. It’s certainly very Minneapolis-centric and has the characters, which people always want to know more about. I came up with the overarching concept, which I had done before a little bit on the last Lifter Puller record, so I knew we could pull it off. I felt like even though I’m making up these stories, there’s some way to keep them honest just by setting them in someplace I know about. In New York, you can feel like you’re living in the shadow of it a little bit if you’re not going to the Met Ball or whatever. You’re just getting by in the city. I felt like I had that distance from Minneapolis and I could see it clearly. I remember at the time really not wanting to be the Midwestern guy that moves to New York and then three minutes is a Yankees fan. A lot of people do reinvent themselves when they’re here. I started wanting to do the opposite of that.

TK: That was the first time I felt like, “Oh wow, we came up with this. We wrote this.” It felt like we were starting to develop a sound that was ours. Where honestly Almost Killed Me seemed less of that and more like just pulling pretty heavily from influences.

CF: Both Rolling Stone and Spin called Almost Killed Me “the best album you didn’t hear this year.” When we sat down to start on Separation Sunday, I remember saying, “Let’s make a record that people do hear.” Franz joined at that point. Although we had most of the songs already written. He ended up playing on top of us.

TK: We had known Franz from World/Inferno Friendship Society and we had him come in and play piano on a handful of tracks on Almost Killed Me. The piano just added so much drama and Franz was easy to be around. And he was a caliber of musician that I really admired and respected and wanted to become, and I felt like we kind of tricked him into being in the band.

CF: I think he played a saw on that record. He could do a lot of things and expand our palate.

TK: Franz was really busy with other projects. I remember Craig and I sitting down with him at a bar and being like, “No, it’s not going to be a big-time commitment. I don’t know whether we’re going to tour that much at all. We’ll do the record and we’ll see what happens.” And I believed that!

CF: It felt good in the studio. I thought people were going to like it and then it came out and there was just a lot of really good press. We decided to do the record release show at Bowery Ballroom, but it was a little bit of a stretch. We were like, “Everyone has to get really aggressive to invite a lot of people from their work.” Then The Village Voice article came out. We were on the cover and the show sold out immediately, and just the whole thing became different.

Boys And Girls In America (2006)

TK: My daughter was born right before we started working on Separation Sunday. For Boys And Girls, it was a lot of me getting up super early and then walking over to Franz’s place. Franz lived two blocks from me at that time, and I would walk over there in the morning and he had this little piano in his bedroom, and he and I would work on songs for four, five hours every day. It was a real honeymoon phase for Franz and I specifically. It felt like the songs and stuff and the ideas were being realized in a way they hadn’t been before.

CF: We started working with John Agnello on that one. It was a huge thing to bring in a producer and he made it awesome and became a good friend of the band and brought out a lot of good things. One thing that impressed me was John pulled out a calendar and he said, “These are the days we’re going to work, and these are the days you have off.” I’d never been in a situation that was so pro.

TK: It was exciting. Things happened so quickly, so the songs came really easy. The writing went really fast.

CF: We were able to create some of the dynamics right off the bat with “Stuck Between Stations.” It goes down to just a pure piano break, and we were playing with dynamics that way.

TK: Franz and I actually didn’t talk about this until we were working on songs for Thrashing Thru The Passion, but for Franz and I, the honeymoon would eventually end. Franz said, “You know, I came into this band that was this guitar band, and as a piano player, I felt I had to really plant my flag.” And I felt like I had to make sure that we didn’t become a piano band. That kind of started … I don’t want to say a struggle because I think some of that struggle was what made the songs great.

CF: You don’t work necessarily harder on these records that really connect, but it felt like the audience met in the middle because people were ready for it. People were open to it. Everything just felt big. The rooms were bigger. We played with Springsteen at Carnegie Hall. Our first two records didn’t come out in Europe and that one did with the new label and it exploded over there. Before we were touring pretty heavily in the States. Now we had two areas to cover. We spent a lot of time in the U.K. where things went really well. We still have a great audience there and a lot of fun over there.

TK: It was kind of like waking up every day and having your dreams come true. I don’t want to sound corny about it but it was just like, “Fuck, are you kidding me?”

Stay Positive (2008)

TK: I can’t really differentiate Stay Positive from Boys And Girls. I know that Craig said this too probably because he and I talked about it.

CF: I get them confused because we had the same producer in the same studio and it was pretty quick. When we wrote a lot of those songs, we realized we wanted to keep the momentum going, but we didn’t have much time off, so a lot of the songs were written in hotel rooms or backstage. Things like “Joke About Jamaica,” there’s this idea of rock ‘n’ roll creeping in, which seems to happen with any band that tours a lot, for better or worse.

TK: Stay Positive was the beginning of something I think every band that starts to have a little bit of success goes through. It’s growing pains or whatever you want to call them. There were a lot of opinions about what we should be doing. There were just sort of whispers at that point, but I do remember talk about a single and I was just like, “A single? What? First of all, we don’t have that kind of money, to do some kind of radio campaign. And we’re not really that band.”

CF: When we were writing “Stay Positive,” the song, we were pretty aware that the “whoa-oh-oh” part was going to go over with the audience. It was an ethos. From the top, we talked about creating a band that had a community, which seems weird, that we talked about that, but we were able to do it.

Heaven Is Whenever (2010)

TK: Well, obviously a lot happens between the time Stay Positive comes out and Heaven Is Whenever. Obviously one of the big ones is Franz leaves.

CF: That was a blow, but I feel like if anything, we were a little bit too cocky, like, “We’ll be fine.”

TK: At the time it seemed like that relationship just didn’t seem sustainable, and I think Franz had become kind of frustrated with him having to try and manage his time. And then I got sick and ended up in the hospital before a pretty serious European tour that we had to cancel, which I think was hard for everybody. And then, I was sick enough to the point where they weren’t sure that I was going to make it.

CF: We were pretty tired, pretty fried. There was certainly the sense of, “We’ve got to go make a record because that’s what we do. We make records and go on tour.” Also, we had this idea that we were going to scale back on the producer.We were trying to make it with Dean Baltulonis, who made the first two with us, but he was such a good friend and a peer. Even though I think he’s a brilliant guy, he didn’t have the levity of Agnello. He wasn’t scary in any way. He was just more of this dude we hung out with.

TK: With Franz departing, a lot of the weight of bringing ideas in for songs kind of landed solely with me. Craig always brings in music, too, but Franz and I were coming up with the lion’s share of the music.

CF: I have a lot of thoughts about this record because we reissued it recently and I had to go through it all. When I went through it all and saw all the B-sides and everything, I was pleasantly surprised that even though I don’t think it’s our best record, we put a lot of work into it.

TK: We had a shitload of songs for that album.

CF: That record could have been better in maybe two different ways. One is if we would have either stayed with Agnello or even gotten another producer. Production is often leadership. We didn’t have a strong leader at that moment. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t anyone. I think that that might have helped if we had someone to say, “No, let’s just work on these 10 songs. We’ve got to work harder. This is flat.”

TK: I thought we should use Dean for Heaven Is Whenever because it felt like we had created a lot of expectations and pressure that didn’t need to be there. I thought, “If we can go back to working with Dean, we can go back to kind of having fun in a way that we did on those first two records.” Unfortunately, it didn’t really work out like that.

CF: I wonder, since we recorded so much music, if it could’ve been a double album. I’m thinking about records like Exile On Main St. or London Calling — not to say that it could have been as good as any of those records, but they’re letting you behind the scenes, where you put out a lot of music and some of it’s really well-considered and some of it is off-the-cuff, but it shows a lot of the personality of the band. I think maybe in my mind, that’s what we were supposed to do, but then we got scared and it ended up sounding too slick. I was there for all of it and I signed off on all of it, so it wasn’t like someone did this to me. But 10 years on, I look back and I think those are the mistakes that were made.

TK: I think that that’s one of those records where I can kind of see the end zone, but I just can’t ever quite get there. And again, the one thing that I would say about this record is I think there were these expectations that had been created, or we were getting all this input on what we should be doing, instead of just doing what had worked for us in the past, which is we did what we wanted to do and we had fun.

CF: When I went back for the reissue, I was like, “I don’t know why we didn’t put ‘Beer On The Bedstand‘ on the record.” Tad had some health problems and we left the studio quickly, let’s say that. I think that at the time, we thought that song was unfinished. I can’t even tell you that 100 percent, but that’s my memory.

Teeth Dreams (2014)

TK: We did that with Nick Raskulinecz, who’d done Rush and Mastodon and the Foo Fighters, you know, kind of these hard rock bands.

CF: Heaven was a little tough, I wanted to do my own records, so I went down to Austin and did the first solo record.

TK: We did a lot of the writing without him. And between Steve and I, we can fill up a lot of fucking space with guitars. In fact, if you let us, we will fill up every single little nook and cranny and corner. By the time Craig came in he was like, “Where the fuck are the vocals going to go?”

CF: It was so intense. I remember having a hard time finding my spot because of the two guitars. Also, in 2013 my mom passed away. I don’t know that I ever got my head around a lyrical thing. It seemed to be a lot about anxiety, but I don’t know if it was as well-defined as some of the other stuff.

TK: I think it was hard for Craig to feel a part of what was happening, which is absurd since he’s one of the most important parts if not the most important part of what’s happening on a Hold Steady record. But that said, I think he still killed it. “Oaks,” I still say, maybe even to this day, is the only time I’ve had an idea for a song and how it sounds recorded is exactly how I heard it in my head.

CF: I think I missed the piano, the dynamic of going down to just a piano and being able to build things up. There’s not a lot of variance on Teeth Dreams.

TK: One thing I did hear about, was people saying, “Oh, it’s over-compressed.” You know what, you have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. Okay, so tell me what you mean by over-compressed, because if you want to have a conversation about the dynamic range of that record we can, but I’m not sure that you’re going to have anything intelligent to say about that. I think what people are really saying is it sounds slick. It sounds like a sparkly big rock record, which I fucking love. Is it right for the Hold Steady? Probably not.

Thrashing Thru The Passion (2019)

TK: I was convinced the band was done. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was just like, fuck this, man.

CF: We had taken a good year-and-a-half break.

TF: And then Craig and I started hanging out again and we went to go see some shows.

CF: We were going to do a Boys And Girls In America 10-year anniversary show. I was like, “If we’re going to do this, we should call Franz.”

TK: I said, “If Franz doesn’t want to do it, I’m a lot less interested in the whole thing.”

CF: We offered it to him to do it and he said, “Yeah, I’ll do it, cool.”

TK: Total typical fucking Franz.

CF: We did it and it was a lot of fun.

TK: I feel like Franz and I were able to work through some shit without doing it deliberately. It just sort of happened. To this day that guy is one of my favorite people.

CF: We booked another weekend in Chicago. We thought it would be fun for the fans if we learned a cover of a song by a band from Chicago that we played in the encore each night. I think the first night, we did “Southern Girls” by Cheap Trick. The next night we did “I’m the Man Who Loves You” by Wilco. Then the third night we did “Too Much Time On My Hands” by Styx. While we were learning the Styx song, which was harder than I thought it was going to be, I was like, “We could totally be using this time to write new songs.” Pretty soon, we went in the studio. We recorded “Entitlement Crew” and we started putting out songs as we released them. There was a return to Almost Killed Me‘s level of low-pressure expectations.

As the industry changes, consuming music changes. I think the thought was, “Do we need to go and make an album and then wait six months for it to come out?” I was really excited. I thought the music we were writing was really cool. “Entitlement Crew,” when we play it live, that’s a classic Hold Steady song. At this point, that one gets the crowd as much up as “Chips Ahoy” or “Stuck Between Stations.”

Eventually, the five songs we recorded sounded like a side of an album. I was like, “Let’s make this the first side and put some of the other songs on the B side and call it an album.”

Open Door Policy (2021)

CF: We did decide early on we were going to make an album. When you’re just recording songs and putting them out, you’re swinging for the fences at all times. With this record, this song sets up that song, and maybe the lyrics can be a little more referential. It was cool to think that way again.

TK: I think that we’ve managed to get back to making decisions that are maybe a little out there, because we think they’re going to be funny.

CF: I’m super excited about it, but I’ve struggled to tell people what’s different about it. I think there’s been a continuation of figuring out this six-piece line-up and where everything goes and I think that that’s a huge part of the story. It’s allowed us to be more expansive musically than maybe we have in the past. There’s maybe a little bit more of headphone moments. There’s this weird scraping of guitars, some weird little noises that brought something we haven’t done before.

TK: I think it is Craig’s best record. Lyrically, it is a fucking slam dunk. I mean, there’s some shit on there that he says that I’m just like, “Whoa! Like, hold on a second. What the fuck is going on with you right now?” And I can really hear everybody in it, too. I can hear Galen and I can hear Bobby and I hear Franz and I can hear Steve.

CF: We recorded it in two sessions, which was like Almost Killed Me.

TK: I’m just so happy that I get to do this with those guys. Obviously, with the way things have gone over the past year, I’m sure everybody is taking stock in some way or another. But I still can’t believe that this is what we get to do.

CF: It feels good, really good, internally. It’s a blast. Somehow, The Hold Steady just does better if we’re all having the maximum amount of fun.

Open Door Policy is out on February 19 via Positive Jams. Get it here.

Jason Segel was on Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert podcast this week. At the risk of coming off condescending, Segel’s real-life personality — at least as its depicted in a long-form podcast — is exactly what one might expect from an actor who found huge success playing man-children for roughly a decade but has since pivoted toward more thoughtful material that he often writes himself.

To wit, Dispatches from Nowhere on AMC was a great, weird little gem that was buried by the early days of the pandemic, and AMC+ subscribers would be wise to revisit the series, which stars Segel, Andre 3000, Sally Field, and a break-out star, Eve Lindley.

Much of the reason why his career has pivoted, Segel told Shepard, is that after a successful sitcom (How I Met Your Mother) and a string of romantic comedies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, “We tried to stretch 24-year-old Jason as far we could and at 33, the rubber band kind of snapped.”

It was a difficult period in Segel’s life because he’d lost most of everything by which he had been defined, and so he stopped drinking, and after starring in a movie based on an interview between Rolling Stone reporter David Lipsky and the late David Foster Wallace (End of the Tour), Segel delved into different and more challenging projects.

The evolution of Segel’s career also sparked a brief conversation between Shepard and Segel about imposter syndrome, which elicited a hilariously cruel story about a focus test for The Muppets that Segel was subjected to. It involved children, and children of course can be brutally honest. For context, in the The Muppets movie, Segal played a character named Gary.

“We did a test screening, but for kids,” Segal told Shepard. “We ask these questions, and they fill out these forms. And I have one framed. It asked, ‘What did you like about this movie?’”

“The muppets sing!” “The muppets are fun! The muppets dance!” the kid answered on the card.

“What did you not like about the movie?” a question on the card asked.

“Gary’s face,” the card read.

“There’s nothing more [truthful],” Segel said, “than a 10-year-old just being honest.”

The Muppets compete with Gary’s unsightly face is currently streaming on Disney+. It’s fantastic, notwithstanding Segel’s child-repellent visage. Segel, meanwhile, can be seen now in Our Friend with Dakota Johnson and Casey Affleck.

Source: Armchair Expert

Dave Chappelle’s Comedy Central series, Chappelle’s Show, suddenly evaporated from Netflix last November, and Dave did not hold back in letting his fans know why that was the case. As he revealed at the time in a hot-dropped Instagram video, Netflix yanked the show at Dave’s request. He discussed how ViacomCBS (which owns Comedy Central) had done him dirty (and used a contract to justify doing so) by failing to compensate him when licensing his show to Netflix. He had no beef with Netflix, which he insisted had never steered him wrong, and they continued that vibe by honoring his request (HBO Max soon followed suit by pulling the show from their catalog as well).

At the time, Dave implored his fans, “I’m begging you, please don’t watch that show… boycott Chappelle’s Show. Do not watch it unless they pay me.” Well, Dave got paid. As he revealed in another video dropped during the dead of night, the show is back on Netflix as of Friday, February 12. He thanked his fans for doing as he asked (to stop watching the show), and as a result, Comedy Central will return Dave’s license to him and also “paid me millions of dollars.” As a result, he’s thrilled to “know where my power lies.” Here’s what happened, in Dave’s words:

“I asked you to stop watching the show and thank God almighty for you, you did. You made that show worthless because without your eyes it’s nothing. And when you stopped watching it, they called me. And I got my name back and I got my license back and I got my show back and they paid me millions of dollars. Thank you very much.”

Chappelled also thanked both Netflix co-CEO Ted Sarandos for honoring his request (even though Netflix had paid plenty for their license) and ViacomCBS’s Chris McCarthy for undoing that dirty deal. “After all these years,” Chappelle declared. “I can finally say to Comedy Central, ‘it’s been a pleasure doing business with you.’”

It’s unclear where Chappelle recorded this video, although it may have been in Austin, where he previously cancelled dates after testing positive for COVID-19. He doesn’t recount his experience with the virus, only to say that he feels better, and he criticized those who criticized him for touring during a pandemic. Well, no one ever accused Chappelle of not speaking his mind.

Watch Chappelle’s new video in full below.

This month sees the release of More Than Miyagi: The Pat Morita Story, an intimate portrait of Japanese-American comedian-turned-actor Pat Morita, who had an interesting life beyond playing Mr. Miyagi in all those The Karate Kid movies. In 2015, there was the lesser known The Real Miyagi, about a similarly interesting Yokohoman karate master namd Fumio Demura, who did Morita’s stunt work in the same films. What both of those films fail to mention is that there was a real person who, like the fictional character of Mr. Miyagi, was named Miyagi, a karate master, an Okinawan, and a World War II hero.

Whereas Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid was an Okinawan karate master whose pregnant wife died in an internment camp (she had previously emigrated to Hawaii to work in the sugar cane fields), Shikichi Miyagi was a Japanese Petty Office who helped first drag his unconscious Hawaiian wife out of the Todoroki Trench complex in Okinawa and then helped save the lives of 800 Japanese soldiers and Okinawan civilians who were holed up in the cave system. He negotiated their surrender and convinced the American soldiers above not to try to clear the caves with fire like they’d been planning while the gasoline was already in the water.

Author John Toland recounts the entire story in his 1970 book, The Rising Sun: The Decline and Fall of the Japanese Empire, 1936–1945, for which he won the Pulitzer Prize. Incredibly, Shikichi Miyagi doesn’t seem to have been written about much since, but here’s the passage in question (emphasis mine):

A mile to the northwest the Americans had been trying to clear a multilevel labyrinthian cave with smoke bombs for more than a week. At least three hundred soldiers and eight hundred civilians were bottled inside. Petty Officer Shikichi Miyagi had escaped from Oroku Peninsula after Admiral Ota’s death to find his wife Betty, a Hawaiian, and had succeeded. Now the smoke became so suffocating that Miyagi — one of the most celebrated karate experts in Okinawa, the home of karate — toted his unconscious wife piggyback deep into the cave through hip-high mud.

The mud became a stream and soon water was up to Miyagi’s shoulders. The water revived Betty, and when Miyagi could no longer touch bottom he gave her the glowing candle that was guiding them and swam through the water with the collar of her dress in his teeth. Every few yards he lowered his feet to rest but they sank into gummy mud and he flailed frantically to keep head above water. The nightmare seemed endless — he had no idea how long — until his feet touched solid ground and he could relieve his tortured muscles. Together the Miyagis pulled themselves onto a bank. Then they noticed a cold breeze — there had to be an entrance nearby — and saw a light ahead. It was the candle in the center of half a dozen civilians. The ordeal left them with one conviction: they would rather die on the surface in the sunlight than smother in the dark. At the entrance they heard American voices. Betty shouted “Hello!” and said that she was from Hawaii and that her older brother was with her.

“We’ve come to save you,” someone shouted back. “Come out!”

They emerged from the cave and found themselves in a cul-de-sac, twenty feet deep. Above them a circle of rifles rimmed its lips. Ropes tumbled down, followed by a dozen Marines hand over hand. Instead of being killed the Miyagis were hauled swiftly to the top. They could scarcely believe what was happening. Americans, smiling broadly, pressed K rations, water and cigarettes on them. A lieutenant pumped Miyagi’s hand. Marines embraced them, rubbed cheeks with them, and then began bringing cans of gasoline to the cave mouth. Miyagi tried to stop them. Gesturing excitedly, he explained that the burning gasoline would kill not only the Japanese soldiers in the higher lateral but the civilians in the lower level as well. He volunteered to go back into the cave and bring out the civilians. Clad in brand-new Marine fatigues, he fought his way into the cave past armed Japanese guards, and persuaded all eight hundred civilians to surrender.

Could this be the “original” basis for Mr. Miyagi? Who, again, in the movies was a war hero (at one point Daniel puts his Medal of Honor in a picture frame), a karate expert from Okinawa (obvi), and met his wife in Hawaii (“First time I saw her… was cane field, Hawaii. Beautiful. Damn good cane cutter, too.”).

I put the question to Robert Mark Kamen, the writer of Karate Kid who created the character. And he told me… “I named him after the man who founded my karate system, Chojun Miyagi.”

Chojun Miyagi, as it turns out, was the founder of the Goju-ryu school of karate, who was born in Okinawa in 1888 and traveled to China some time in the teens and returned to Okinawa to open his own dojo, where he developed his own methods and taught other Okinawans.

Even acknowledging that Miyagi is a common name in Okinawa, and karate a widespread practice there, it still seems pretty wild that Kamen accidentally invented a character with the same name, karate ability, Hawaiian wife, and heroic activities during World War II that he didn’t know even existed, doesn’t it?

“I have no idea what that’s all about,” Kamen says. “You have no idea how many people claimed that they were the Karate Kid, or they had something to do with The Karate Kid. Mr. Miyagi’s first name has been changed four different times by people who don’t bother to pay attention to the script– you know, it’s all that stuff.”

“Chojun Miyagi, he was the guy. But he wasn’t kind and gentle, as my teacher was not kind and gentle. He was kind, but not gentle. Karate in Okinawa takes on a different significance than it does in say Japan, or Korea, or someplace else. Karate is part of their culture.”

Short of positing conspiracies, I’m left to concede that, fine, my theory was incorrect. I leave you with Shikichi Miyagi’s story nonetheless, because, though he might not be the inspiration for Pat Morita or an entire karate style, he does seem like a pretty badass guy. Shikichi Miyagi feels like the real Mr. Miyagi even if the creator of Mr. Miyagi had never heard of him.

As for Kamen, he went onto write the script for The Fifth Element, became a prolific script doctor, and co-created the Taken and Transporter franchises with Luc Besson, along with many other movies. He still writes, even though he now has a second job running his own vineyard in Sonoma. Nice life, if you can get it. And unlike either Miyagi, Kamen is alive to tell about it. You can read more about his eventful life in the longer version of our interview later this week.

Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.

There’s always some level of outrage during the build-up to awards season. As nominations from various associations and academies begin to be announced, snubs and surprises begin to emerge. It’s expected. After all, hundreds of TV shows are dropping on dozens of streaming platforms each year, and that kind of content pile-up means that even the best quality art can fall through the cracks. And, we wouldn’t mind that so much if it hadn’t become painfully obvious thanks to the most recent Golden Globe nominations that the diversity we’re enjoying on the small-screen just isn’t translating to these awards shows. What’s worse? This lack of inclusion and representation comes even after steps have been taken to add fresh voices to voting bodies and restructure category requirements.

The Golden Globes is a bit different from a show like the Emmys or even the Oscars. The group that votes on the year’s best TV series, movies and performances is a small faction of critics and journalists who must meet specific requirements to qualify for membership. (By contrast, an awards show like the Oscars is decided by people within the industry – actors, directors, media members, etc – as are the Emmys, the SAG Awards, the Director’s Guild Awards, and pretty much every other staple of the awards season circuit.) But they still matter, and not just because their nominations are announced just a short while before the nomination voting for the Oscars ends. Because the voting body’s so small, it’s thought lesser-known shows and critical darlings have a better chance of being recognized. The Golden Globes, unlike the Emmys, delight in elevating new and obscure series, rewarding burgeoning talent, and “shaking things up” while they rub boozy shoulders with Hollywood’s elite.

So yes, watching the show is your best chance of seeing Brad Pitt give a shoutout to his diarrhea medication or catching Jack Nicholson poke fun at his co-stars while high on Valium or looking on in fascinated horror as a tipsy Elizabeth Taylor almost tanks an award category. But, when a show or artist wins, that’s a glowing recommendation, a bit of validation that makes it easier for them to find more projects and for more like-minded storytelling to be told.

Which brings us to the main problem of this year’s nominations, ones that saw fashionably frivolous comedy series like Emily In Paris lauded while more daring, difficult-but-important storytelling like I May Destroy You and Lovecraft Country fight for awards scraps. The collective outrage has less to do with Lily Collins receiving attention for playing a flighty, arrogant American abroad than it does the passed-over talent whose spot she, and others, filled.

Take Michaela Coel, the writer, and star of HBO’s powerfully gripping limited series, I May Destroy You. Coel, an already prolific talent, delivered some of her best work with the show, tackling the nuanced, complicated, and often confusing aftermath of sexual assault in a way that felt relatable but never minimizing. The show’s writing was sharp and impactful, Coel’s acting was fearless and surprisingly vulnerable, and the work of her co-stars (Paapa Essiedu and Weruche Opia) felt equally moving. I May Destroy You was one of 2020’s most-buzzed-about shows – it made our own “Best Of” lists here at Uproxx – and it drove revealing conversations on social media, giving audiences an incredibly raw look at rape culture and the #MeToo movement when we needed it most. But Coel, her work, and the effort from her castmates were ignored by the Globes this year.

That blind spot is glaring enough on its own, but when does one voting body’s lack of taste become something more serious – maybe even more sinister?

Is it when actors like Jurnee Smollett and Jonathan Majors – the stars of HBO’s genre-bending phenomenon Lovecraft Country – are also left off nomination lists? Smollett’s Leti was one of the strongest elements of the series and the actress managed to trend on Twitter each week as her character fought white supremacists and sexism and Lovecraftian monsters on her journey to self-acceptance and empowerment. (Her iconic car bashing scene still lives in our heads, rent-free.) And Majors, who delivered two influential turns last year – first in Spike Lee’s Da 5 Bloods, then as Tic, the burdened hero of the HBO sci-fi show – was also snubbed, his work to humanize the struggle of Black men without exploiting their trauma all but ignored.

In fact, none of Lovecraft Country’s exemplary cast – from Wunmi Mosaku’s breakout role to Aunjanue Ellis’ revolutionary take on Black motherhood to Michael K. Williams’ heartbreaking queer storyline to Jamie Chung’s mythology-infused tragedy – were individually recognized, despite producing some of the best acting the small screen saw in 2020.

And sure, maybe both of these shows just didn’t land with the small voting body – hard to believe since Lovecraft Country did score a nod for its overall story but still, we’ll play along. Where then does the lack of love for Uzo Aduba, who turned in a command performance as civil rights icon Shirley Chisholm fit in? Her Mrs. America co-star Cate Blanchett managed to score praise, but Aduba’s effort to bring an almost untouchable historical figure to life and to make her feel fully human to younger generations didn’t also merit recognition? What about Issa Rae and Yvonne Orji, both women who gave viscerally real, incredibly funny performances in the latest season of HBO’s Insecure? Not only did Rae forego treading familiar ground to refresh storylines this season, but she also gave fans an honest look at Black female friendship.

And if this were just a “bad year,” if these missteps in the nomination process were one-offs, maybe we wouldn’t be so mad. But a bit of digging into the history of the Golden Globes shows it’s not nearly as diverse as we thought it was.

In the “Best Actress in a Drama Series” category where Smollett should’ve reigned, Taraji P. Henson is the only Black actress to win within the last decade. (Sandra Oh became the first Asian-American actress to win that award in 2019.) In the “Best Actress – Television Motion Picture” which is the category a limited series like I May Destroy You would fall under (and where Coel deserves to be), you’d have to go back to 2008 and Queen Latifah’s win for her role in HBO’s Life Support to see a woman of color win.

In the supporting categories, the white-washing is even worse. Gail Fisher’s win in 1971 is the first (and it looks like only) time a Black woman took home a “Best Supporting Actress – Television” award at the Golden Globes, though Sandra Oh did bring home one for her work on Grey’s Anatomy. Sterling K. Brown is the only Black man to win a “Best Actor in a Drama Series” trophy in the past decade. You’d have to go back to Jeffrey Wright in 2004 to find a Black actor who won a “Best Supporting” award on television. And though the comedy categories are a bit more inclusive, Tracee Ellis Ross is the only Black actress to take home hardware in the last decade while Donald Glover and Don Cheadle put up wins in the comedy actor space. Those categories also nominated and rewarded Latina actresses like Gina Rodriguez and America Ferrera while honoring talents like Ramy Youssef and Aziz Ansari on the men’s side.

Maybe it’s because the Golden Globes have earned a reputation amongst awards shows as being more laid-back, more relaxed – a place where A-listers can pass the booze and pat each other on the back as for fans’ amusement – that we’ve overlooked the homogeneity in the talent it recognizes. Or, maybe it’s because the voting body prides itself on being a coalition of international journalists and we just assume diversity accompanies those global credentials. Either way, the snubs we saw this year feel like more than just a glitch, more than just a group of people not vibing with what everyone else was watching and enjoying on TV. It feels like a bigger problem.

Now the only question is, will they actually do something about it?

Cheap rum isn’t one single thing.

Usually, when we’re talking about rums in the “very affordable” range, we’re talking about white (or silver) rums that are unaged (or aged and then filtered to remove color). Then there are “gold” rums, which are just touched by wood (and often adulterated with sugars) to give them a slight amber hue. There’s also spiced rum, which often leans cloyingly sweet and drips with spice — making it an easy shot, mixer, and sometimes sipper.

When we focus on the really cheap stuff (anything under $20 per bottle), you have to expect that we’ll also be talking about big brands. It requires certain economies of scale to get rum on liquor store shelves for that price. But just because an expression isn’t pricey doesn’t mean it isn’t drinkable … or at the very least mixable.

Finding the most enjoyable among the bottom shelf bottles is the reason for this list. We’re calling out and ranking white, gold, spiced, and dark mixing rums with a few (possible) sippers sneaking in right at the $20 mark. Sure, you can take a shot of any of these, and a few even work on the rocks in a pinch. But let’s call it like it is — these are down and dirty rums that bring a little burn but get the job done.

20. Largo Bay Silver Rum

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $9

The Rum:

This is a standard and very cheap Barbados white rum. There are exactly zero bells and whistles with this expression. It’s made to be mixed into frozen drinks or cut with cola.

Tasting Notes:

There is a hint of depth behind that sugary rum burn. This actually won a silver medal in San Francisco, once thanks to its underbelly of vanilla, almonds, and a touch of black pepper.

Bottom Line:

This is purely a mixer. Use it like that.

19. Admiral Nelson Silver

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $10

The Rum:

Heaven Hill’s Admiral Nelson pulls rum from all over the Caribbean to create their deep roster of (mostly flavored) rums. Again, this is crafted as a rum you mix with and keeps things very simple in presentation and taste.

Tasting Notes:

There’s not a whole lot of burn, which is nice. The rum does hold onto that signature vanilla foundation with a hint of almost … melon or maybe pumpkin. There’s a hint of pepper heat, too — but not a whole lot.

Bottom Line:

This is a really neutral mixing rum. You can use it almost like a vodka to spike a big fruity cocktail.

18. George Ocean White Rum

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $11

The Rum:

This West Indies rum pulls its juice from various sources. The label is bespoke but the rum in the bottle is not. Speaking frankly, this is put together as a workhorse white rum that’ll never break the bank.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a clear sense of vanilla. That foundation supports a sweet/savory tropical fruit edge and a slight hint of cream soda. There’s a distinct burn on the end but it’s not overwhelming.

Bottom Line:

This is a solid mixer overall. It’s got a little more vanilla in there, so it really goes well with cola. Rum and Coke, anyone?

17. Don Q Cristal

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $12

The Rum:

Good ol’ Don Q Cristal is actually a more refined white rum than most. The Puerto Rican juice goes through multiple distillations before resting in ex-bourbon barrels for anywhere from 18 months to five years. Those barrels are then filtered several times to draw out the color before blending, proofing, and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a woodiness under the alcohol on this one. The sip has a hint of cinnamon with touches of tart apples and maybe even a wisp of smoke. The spiciness is what lasts and becomes sharp and almost ginger fresh.

Bottom Line:

If you’re sitting on a beach in the tropics, go for this on the rocks with a big twist of lime. Otherwise, this is a solid mixer for lighter rum cocktails.

16. Captain Morgan Spiced Rum

ABV: 35%

Average Price: $13

The Rum:

This Diageo rum from the U.S. Virgin Islands is a classic. The rum is spiced and sweetened to make it more drinkable. And damn it, the technique works pretty well.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a clear sense of vanilla with a cotton candy sweetness. That cotton candy is touched with Red Hots and the spiciness of a Jarritos Mexican Cola.

Bottom Line:

A Captain and cola is one of the most ordered drinks in the world, and for good reason. It’s legit tasty. Refined? Nah. But sometimes you need something super easy and this is exactly that.

15. Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $15

The Rum:

Named after the famed tattoo artist, Sailor Jerry’s Spiced Rum is a pretty easy-drinking rum. The juice is sourced from various rum distilleries around the Caribbean. Then it’s spiked with “natural spices” to mimic how old navy salts would spice up their daily rum rations back in the days of yore.

Tasting Notes:

This is a bit more dialed in with clear cotton candy sweetness next to vanilla but it’s more of a cream soda than individual notes. There’s a mild spice that leans more towards clove than cinnamon with a very mild note of oak.

Bottom Line:

You’re going to want to use this in a cocktail (egg nog in the winter, fruity tropicals in the summer). Though, if it’s hot enough out, it’ll work as a sipper over a glass full of rocks.

14. Jonah’s Curse Black Spiced Rum

ABV: 47%

Average Price: $16

The Rum:

This Caribbean rum is crafted simply with spices and molasses to make a drinkable mixer. The blended rum uses 12 “traditional” spices in the mix and they’re the real focus of this sip.

Tasting Notes:

This has a mix of vanilla, oak, and cinnamon with a good dose of molasses. There’s a caramel butteriness to that sweetness that leads back to the vanilla with a bit of tropical fruit aided by mild spices.

Bottom Line:

All that vanilla makes this a good candidate for a rum and Coke.

13. Foursquare Spiced Rum

ABV: 35%

Average Price: $16

The Rum:

This Barbados rum sounds like it’s named after an app. It’s actually named after the oldest sugar plantation on the Caribbean isle. The juice is actually pretty well-crafted — they only use real spice and herbs in the mix and don’t add extra sugars after the distillation.

Tasting Notes:

This is a bit subtler than the other spiced rums on the list. There’s a clear cream soda vibe with bits of cinnamon and nutmeg adding depth. It’s more green sugar cane juice sweet than molasses sweet.

Bottom Line:

This works as a sipper over a lot of rocks but it’s even better as a cocktail base.

12. Navy Bay Rum

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $16

The Rum:

This Jamaican rum is a good entry point to the dark funk that makes Jamaican rum so unique. The bottle is built and blended to be accessible in both price and taste while highlighting the signature Jamaican funk those rums are known for.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a touch of oak and sweet vanilla up top with a very clear sense of hogo (that Jamaican funkiness). That funk is the throughline of the sip, with hints of spice and molasses arriving to support all that funk and oak.

Bottom Line:

Can you drink this as a sipper on the rocks? Sure, why not. But it really works best in highball situations either with plenty of fizzy water and lime or Sprite, cola, or even ginger ale.

11. 896 Gold

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

This is sourced from Barbados. The juice is made from rums matured in ex-bourbon barrels for up to five years before blending, proofing, and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a note of caramel covered almonds next to light notes of spice, a hint of oak, and plenty of cream soda vanilla. There’s a slight creamy chocolate vibe with a hint of tropical fruit on the back end.

Bottom Line:

This isn’t an overly complicated or as refined as 896’s eight-year expression. Still, it’s a steal at this price if you’re looking for a solid dark rum mixer to practice with.

10. Kaniché Réserve

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

This Barbados rum from Maison Ferrand undertakes a unique journey. The rum is matured for a few years in ex-bourbon casks. Then the juice is loaded onto a ship and sent to France where it’s filled into cognac casks for an additional year of aging before it’s brought down to proof and bottled.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a real heat here, akin to a bridge between Red Hots and freshly diced chili peppers. There’s a sweetness at play, too — but it’s muted under vanilla and distant hints of dried fruit and oak. There’s also a mild note of citrus on the end with a whisper of oaky smoke.

Bottom Line:

While this can work on the rocks, it’s really ideal for a highball with a twist of lime.

9. Flor de Caña 4 Year Añejo Oro

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $17

The Rum:

Nicaragua’s Flor de Caña 4 Year is a great entry point to the brand’s expressions. This rum is a blend of rums that have aged up to four years in used American oak. There are no sugars added post-distillation or blending.

Tasting Notes:

Bold vanilla greets you and leads towards a sense of toasted coconut. That coconut holds the center as sweet oak arrives, adding a dry edge. There’s a slight nuttiness next to green sugar cane blades near the finish.

Bottom Line:

This is built to be taken in a highball with good mineral water, plenty of ice, and a nice twist of lime.

8. Myers’s Rum Original Dark

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $18

The Rum:

This classic Jamaican rum from Sazerac is made from a blend of nine rums, all molasses-based. Those rums are aged for up to four years in ex-bourbon barrels before they’re blended, proofed, and bottled.

Tasting Notes:

You get a real sense of that sweet and dark molasses right away. Notes of leather, dry oak, dried fruits, spicy and slightly chewy tobacco, and a touch of bitter dark chocolate mingle on your senses. The sip ends on an almost smoky note with a hint more of spice, oak, and chew.

Bottom Line:

This really is meant for mixing in hot buttered rum or the brand’s signature Planter’s Punch. This is also the perfect rum to have on hand to cook or bake with, thanks to its boldness.

7. J. Wray Gold

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

J. Wray & Nephew is the backbone of Jamaican rum and the progenitor of Appleton Estate’s line. This expression is actually a rebrand of Appleton Special Gold. That’s a blend of rums that are aged for an undisclosed amount of time in old Jack Daniel’s barrels.

Tasting Notes:

Slight hogo Jamaican funk mixes with molasses sweetness, vanilla, and plenty of oak char. That vanilla and oak carry the palate towards a simple end, with hints of spice, more funk, and plenty of rummy molasses.

Bottom Line:

This sip is a good entry point to the wider world of Appleton Estate. It’s really designed as a mixer and is best used for big tropical cocktails or as a floater on those cocktails.

6. Mount Gay Eclipse

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19

The Rum:

This Barbados rum hails from one of the world’s oldest still-running distilleries. The molasses-based juice is aged in ex-bourbon for up to two years before it’s blended, proofed, and bottled.

Tasting Notes:

Vanilla and spice mingle with ripe bananas and sweeter tropical fruits on the nose. The taste builds on those notes with toasted oak and a crème brûlée vibe. The oak becomes a bit charred and bitter as the sip fades pretty quickly.

Bottom Line:

This is Mount Gay’s entry point rum and built to be a cocktail base. Though, it still works perfectly fine in a highball or on the rocks in a pinch if you’re at the beach already and didn’t bring mixers.

5. Brugal Añejo

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

The Dominican Republic’s Brugal makes some damn fine rums. This gateway expression is distilled multiple times and then loaded into ex-bourbon barrels where it rests for three to five years. The barrels are then married, proofed, and bottled

Tasting Notes:

There’s a rush of oily vanilla pods that lead towards a dark chocolate underbelly with a hint of cedar. Buttery toffee and spicy stewed apples build upon the palate. The wood, chocolate, and spice last the longest as the sip dries and fades.

Bottom Line:

This is built as a workhorse rum that you can sip on the rocks or mix, though we’d recommend the latter.

4. Goslings Black Seal Rum

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

Goslings — a Bermuda blendery — imports rums for all over the Caribbean to make their signature bottle. Each of the rums they use is matured in ex-bourbon barrels for an undisclosed amount of time.

Tasting Notes:

This really feels like “RUM” with big notes of dark molasses, oily vanilla, and buttery caramel. The sip has notes of dried fruits and Christmas spices but they’re not overly rendered. There’s a butterscotch edge that’s pretty pronounced and the end really leans into the molasses and vanilla.

Bottom Line:

This is built to be the base of a Dark ‘N Stormy. Grab a spicy ginger beer, some lime juice, and get mixing.

3. Bacardi Añejo Cuatro

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

This is Bacardi’s entry point to their high-end offerings. The juice is classic Bacardi that’s rested for a minimum of four years in ex-bourbon casks. The blend contains rums that are five and six-years-old too. The final product is then crafted as a classic workhorse rum.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a clear sense of rummy vanilla cakes spiked with Christmas spices, especially clove. You get a sense of toasted oak notes next to smooth honey. The end is clearly Bacardi (this stuff really has a distinct smell and taste up and down the expression list) but smoothed to a velvet texture.

Bottom Line:

Again, this is made to be mixed. Try it in subtler cocktails like a rum Manhattan or bigger sips like a rum Negroni.

2. Plantation Original Dark

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19.99

The Rum:

This is a fairly popular rum to both drinkers and on the awards circuit. The juice is a blend of rums from Jamaica and Barbados that are aged in ex-bourbon for up to five years. The rums are married and spend a final maturation in French cognac casks before proofing and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

There are classic notes of rummy molasses next to rich vanilla that mingles with a plummy, maybe jammy, fruitiness. That fruit leans towards tropical fruits with banana leading the way as the caramel, vanilla, oak, and dried fruit drive the taste. The peppery spice comes into late with a hint of bitter black tea and mildly spicy tobacco on the finish.

Bottom Line:

This is crafted to be a mixing rum that’ll stand up to big rum cocktails. You can 100 percent also drink this on the rocks. Be warned — the price will range pretty dramatically on this bottle depending on the shop you’re in, thanks mainly to its growing popularity.

1. Angostura 7

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $19

The Rum:

While Trinidad and Tobago’s Angostura is probably best known for its iconic bitters, don’t sleep on their deep bench of rums. Their seven-year-old expression is a really solid entry. The juice is aged for at least seven years in ex-bourbon before it’s blended, filtered, proofed, and bottled with no sugary or spicy additives.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a mix of maple syrup, bitter cacao, buttery toffee, oak char, and rich vanilla up top. The sip has an espresso bitterness next to more cacao powder with a really creamy vanilla nature plus a slight Christmas spice sharpness. All of that combines on the slow end into a Christmas cake vanilla pudding dusted with coffee and cacao … kind of like a crème brûlée tiramisu.

Bottom Line:

This is an easy sipper at a great price (though it’ll be above $20 in some markets). It works neat or on the rocks but also really shines as a cocktail base for simple cocktails like a Manhattan or old fashioned.

Trader Joe’s is a food emporium after my own heart. A place where people like me can truly thrive, unhampered by the limitations of our lacking culinary skills. Where shoppers enjoy the freedom to eat Italian on Monday, Mexican on Tuesday, and Chinese on Wednesday — without having to pay delivery fees for takeout or having to search the aisles for seasonings that we’re not adept at using.

It’s a place for folks who very well might buy vegan chicken nuggets and chicken shawarma on the same go, but don’t want to spend a fortune on either.

Perhaps the best thing Trader Joe’s has going is that the store provides complete solutions for people on the go. Don’t have the time or the willpower to labor over a stove? Want to eat well without racking up a gazillion dishes? Trader Joe’s sells a variety of pre-packaged frozen meals that don’t typically require more than a single pan. Heck, you may not even need that if you’re tossing a dish in the oven or microwave.

As Uproxx’s resident Trader Joe’s aficionado, I jumped at the opportunity to scour the freezer section, taste test, and rate frozen items available at the store. I focused on the market’s frozen meal selections — items that are filling enough to satisfy dinner-levels of hunger but don’t require more than a few minutes in a pan, microwave, or oven. It’s worth noting that none of the dishes featured costs over $7.

All frozen meals have been rated on a letter scale from A+ to F, just like grade school. They’ve also been ranked in order — clearly, I take this stuff seriously. No items actually received an A+, because no meal that good could ever be previously frozen.

But a few got pretty dang close.

10. Joe’s Diner Mac & Cheese

Average Price: $3

How disappointing.

It’s not blue-boxed Easy Mac noodles prepared with a package of powder cheese, but TJ’s diner-style frozen macaroni and cheese dish is nothing to write home about. The packaging boasts a blend of cheddar, Swiss, Havarti, and gouda cheeses, but none of them really stands out. It just tastes like, well, cheese—a nondescript, pasteurized cheese—and noodles from the back of the pantry.

The noodles are… fine, I guess. But leave the box in the microwave or oven for a minute too long and you’re 100% ending up with a tray of bland, cheesy limp noodles.

Bottom Line:

F, as in failure.

Sure, it’s a rich dish, as mac & cheese should be, but it’s lacking in the salty, gooey, zesty flavor of say, a Stouffer’s frozen macaroni dish. And this certainly can’t hold a candle to the decadent macaroni and cheese mom pulls out of her bag of tricks during the holidays.

9. Chicken Burrito Bowl

Average Price: $4

This Trader Joe’s take on Tex-Mex gets high marks in flavor but falls short in texture. The dish has all the fixings of a basic burrito bowl: brown rice, chicken, black beans, cheddar cheese, red and green peppers, corn, “chipotle Southwest style sauce” and red quinoa for good measure.

What’s interesting about this frozen meal is that you can distinctly taste each ingredient. The chipotle flavor cloaks the mouth but the sweet corn kernels are a standout, and so are the creamy black beans, melty cheese, and seasoned chicken. They all blend together with the little pellets of quinoa for a filling and satisfying meal.

The rice, on the other hand, misses the mark. Maybe it’s the weight of all the other ingredients. Maybe it’s the cheese and the beans, but a forkful of the rice mixed with a bit of everything yields a mushy result.

Bottom Line:

This gets an “E” for effort.

The flavor is there, and it’s a good enough portion to actually feel full after consuming the entire bowl. But the mushy rice just can’t be overlooked.

8. Sriracha Shrimp Bowl

Average Price: $4

First of all: THERE ARE ONLY FIVE MEASLY LITTLE BABY SHRIMPS included in this frozen dinner. And, yes, I’m mad about it. Besides the lacking seafood protein, this “Asian-style” bowl, as TJ’s calls it, is pretty good.

The bowl consists of brown rice that manages to maintain its nutty flavor and chewy texture despite being topped with a blend of vegetables like red bell peppers, baby corn, and edamame. When it’s all mixed together (after about 45 minutes in the oven or three minutes in the microwave), you get a flavorful and filling bowl with ingredients that manage to taste fresh despite being previously frozen.

Trader Joe’s was clearly reaching when they dubbed this dish spicy. It doesn’t have a speck of heat, although the box says it’s “all topped with a spicy sriracha sauce.” A look at the ingredients list reveals that sriracha “paste” and jalapeño “pepper puree” is used to create the sauce but seriously — there isn’t the slightest semblance of spice to this frozen dish.

Bottom Line:

C-

This seems like a healthy alternative when sad salad just won’t cut it for lunch. You’d have to have the weakest palate ever to actually find this dish spicy, but the flavors and the density of the dish make it a worthwhile one to eat.

7. Chickenless Mandarin Orange Morsels

Average Price: $4

I haven’t got a clue what a chickenless morsel is. According to the packaging, it’s some concoction of soy and textured wheat protein and a bunch of other stuff that sounds like science. Nonetheless, I totally devoured the vegan chicken nuggets. They have that addictive quality that makes it difficult to just eat one.

It could be the sauce that makes these chickenless morsels taste so good. It’s a sticky, honeyed, sweet orange sauce that isn’t a far cry from what you’d expect to see drenching actual chicken at Asian-American fast-casual restaurants. But maybe it’s the nugs? For them to not be real chicken, they sure do taste like chicken with an outside that maintains its crispiness and a fleshy, meaty center. I could best compare them to the old McDonald’s chicken nuggets—you remember the flavorful mystery meat nuggets they used to sell before they swapped them out for the even more mysterious “all white meat” they claim to use for the nuggets today?

They’re like that. And probably healthier.

Bottom Line:

B+

This is a tasty alternative when you’re on a meatless diet and want something as delicious and filling as meat. It loses a few points because it’s unclear what exactly the chickenless morsels actually are.

6. Organic Roasted Vegetable Pizza

Average Price: $4

This is an all-around good pizza, for a frozen pizza. Obviously, it can’t compete with the hot, brick oven veggie slices from your favorite neighborhood pizzeria, but overall this little pie—which is imported from Italy, according to the packaging—delivers on all fronts. While it’s almost as thin as a flatbread, the sourdough crust has a textured, crisp bottom with a soft, pillowy center. There’s no shortage of cheese, a problem that some other frozen pizza brands have. And the medley of veggies—eggplant, red onion, zucchini, yellow and red peppers—taste garden fresh and keep their crunch.

The only problem with this pizza is that there’s not nearly enough sauce for my liking. For several bites, I could only taste the bread, cheese, and vegetables, which was disappointing. But overall, still a good pizza… for a frozen pizza.

Bottom Line:

B+

This is a solid veggie pizza. It’s an easy fix for your appetite when you’re hungry and don’t have the time or the mental capacity to figure out what to cook for dinner. The lack of sauce is a strike against it, though.

5. Gnocchi al Gorgonzola

Average Price: $4

Little doughy bites of goodness—that’s the best way to describe this incredibly satisfying frozen dinner.

The cheese sauce is rich and creamy and, when cooked down with the frozen gnocchi, it adds another layer of decadence to the semolina bites. As for the gnocchi itself, each little dough puff is like a cute little cloud. They’re soft and pillowy, and they have their own unique fresh dough flavor aside from the cheese sauce.

That said, this could use a sprinkle of salt and a grind of peppercorns. If not to give it some color then to add just a little more salinity to the dough.

Bottom Line:

B+

This is good gnocchi. There is nothing wrong with it, but a little bit more seasoning could have really kicked it up a notch.

4. Meatballs Italian Style

Average Price: $5

Never in the history of meatballs would anyone ever think that a ball of meat could be flame broiled, frozen, then thawed and reheated and still come out so damn good. The all-beef meatballs are perfectly round with a nice crisp outside texture, but the inside is a soft meat pillow. Seasonings of garlic and onion seem to come to life between chews before the meat dissolves, leaving your mouth tasting like a savory grill pan.

But… in a good way.

These meatballs are dense and filling, and they won’t deteriorate under the weight of a quality sauce. If anything, a sauce would only bring out more flavor. Bonus points if you heat them up with a jar of TJ’s famous Organic Tomato Basil Marinara.

Bottom Line:

A-

Trader Joe’s meatballs put those Swedish joints at Ikea to shame. And to think, you don’t even need to buy a lousy piece of furniture to enjoy a bowl full of them.

3. Stacked Eggplant Parmesan

Average Price: $4

Wow. Now this is eggplant parmesan. No gimmicks.

The rounds of eggplant slices are the perfect depth. They’re not too thick but not too thin either. And they’re layered and bathed in globs of cheese—mozzarella, feta, and parmesan to be exact—and zesty, chunky tomato sauce that packs a flavor punch courtesy of red bell peppers.

If the ingredients aren’t convincing enough, the aroma certainly is. Pop this sucker in the oven and watch as your kitchen quite literally transforms into an Italian Trattoria full of delightful fragrances of garlic and basil.

Bottom Line:

A

There’s not much to complain about with this frozen dish. It’s hearty, and it tastes exactly how eggplant parm should taste.

2. Kung Pao Chicken

Average Price: $6

The stir-fries at Trader Joe’s are deserving of their own separate ranking, but it’s worth shouting out the Kung Pao Chicken stir-fry as a stand-alone. This frozen dinner is a full-on meal, and there’s no skimping out on the chicken either.

Savory dark-meat gets a lift from a soy-ginger sauce that only seems to amplify the flavors from the array of vegetables included in the stir fry kit — onions, green and red bell peppers, water chestnuts, and whole fried chilis. There’s even a little packet of peanuts to garnish the dish and give it a nutty, crunchy boost.

It’s unclear whether it’s the chilis or the sauce that gives this dish a spicy quality. I won’t go as far as to say that a few bites of this will set your mouth on fire, but it certainly packs some heat compared to other TJ’s frozen meals that get billed as spicy.

Bottom Line:

A

This frozen dinner feels like the most complete meal of them all. You’ll have to provide your own rice or another starch if you want one, but it’s got enough protein and veggies to fill you up.

1. Mushroom Ravioli with Truffle

Average Price: $4

I could go on and on and on about TJ’s Mushroom Ravioli with Truffle, but I don’t want to keep you from getting to the store and buying some.

Here’s the skinny:

Fresh-made ravioli noodles are packed with a blend of mushrooms and ricotta cheese. Once sautéed, the pasta takes a swim in a pool of thick mushroom broth that’s loaded with little bits of porcini and champignon mushrooms. And if all of that wasn’t flavorful enough, the sauce also has a dousing of truffle oil that smells absolutely incredible — dense and earthy and rich — while the dish is cooking.

The packaging says there’s enough ravioli for three servings, but don’t be surprised if you try this and end up eating it all in one go.

Bottom Line:

A

The only reason why this dish doesn’t score an A+ is that I reserve that ranking for nonna’s ravioli alone.

Lucky Daye and Ari Lennox both enjoyed their breakout moments in R&B back in 2019. Now, as both acts continue to grow and work on their sophomore projects, it’s only right that deliver a joint track to their fans, joining forces for “Access Denied,” one of seven tracks on Lucky’s Table For Two EP.

On their first song together, the two singers engage in a tug-of-war in their budding relationships, defined by Ari as a “game we play.” Lucky fights back with the hope that he can secure his position as her new romantic partner but soon realizes that the back and forth occurs because love “scares” her, which only pushes him to try harder in his pursuit of happiness. On the flip side, Ari admits that despite her attempts to run away, something about Lucky makes her keep coming back.

“Access Denied” is just one of six duets that can be found on Table For Two. The EP features contributions from Mahalia, Joyce Wrice, Queen Naija, YEBBA, and Tiana Major9, who appeared on the previously released “On Read.” The song is also Ari’s second guest feature of the year as she connected with Jazmine Sullivan last month for “On It.”

You can listen to the song in the video above.

Table For Two is out now via Keep Cool/RCA. Get it here.

Last night when the news broke that Taylor Swift would be sharing a special announcement on Good Morning America, fans were crossing their fingers that she would be giving updates on the re-recorded versions of her old albums, and that was indeed the case. She kicked things off by releasing one of the most beloved songs off her album Fearless, “Love Story,” which we knew was ready because she let her friend Ryan Reynolds use it to soundtrack that hilarious Match.com ad about how the devil and the year 2020 would make a perfect match. Too real.

The new version, dubbed “Taylor’s Version,” officially dropped tonight, and you can watch a scrapbook lyric video for it above, filled with photos of Taylor with her fans over the years. Along with all this, fans were able to easily discern a code in Taylor’s message to fans, which revealed that the re-recorded edition of Fearless, complete with six never-before-heard songs, would be dropping on April 9. That’s really not that far away considering Swifties got two new albums last year with Folklore and Evermore. Seems like she’s nowhere near slowing down and very to dive back into recording her old catalogue so she can hold the rights to the masters. Check out the new version above.

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If you write about whisk(e)y for a living, you’re bound to try some drams that the average drinker will never taste. From rare bottlings to limited-edition offerings to long-matured unicorn expressions, we get to sip some gems. I won’t lie, it’s pretty rad.

Below, you’ll find the 30 best sips of Scotch whisky I’ve ever enjoyed across my entire career. Some are reasonably priced and others are out of this stratosphere expensive (I’d never have been able to taste the top two if it hadn’t been for work). But regardless of their wide-ranging price tags, these are all the whiskies that I’ve loved best, based on taste alone.

Note: This is my taste. Your favorites might vary from mine greatly; other whisky writers might scoff at these choices. That’s the name of the game — all palates are different and while there’s certainly a level of expertise involved in tasting Scotch whisky professionally, there’s still a lot of room for disagreement.

30) The Balvenie 14 Caribbean Cask

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $74.99

The Story:

A favorite of bartenders and drinkers alike, this 14-year-old Scotch whisky is first aged in traditional oak casks before being matured for extra time in Caribbean rum barrels. The result is highly mellow, smooth, extremely sippable whisky.

Tasting Notes:

Take a long whiff of this special offering and you’ll find hints of dried apricots, spicy cinnamon, and vanilla beans. On the palate, you’ll be treated to caramel apples, candied orange peels, caramelized sugar, and butterscotch. The finish is long, lingering, and ends with a final note of toasted vanilla beans.

Bottom Line:

This is a truly decadent, almost dessert-like whisky. It’s the perfect end to a heavy meal. Sip it slowly and let it aid in digestion.

29) Aberlour A’Bunadh

ABV: 59.6%

Average Price: $114.99

The Story:

This high proof offering from Aberlour is truly breathtaking. While many distilleries opt for finishing whiskies in sherry butts, this award-winning, cask-strength whisky was aged completely in Oloroso sherry casks. The result is a highly complex, sweet, truly memorable flavor experience.

Tasting Notes:

Give this whisky a proper nosing and you’ll find a nutty sweetness, dried cherries, spicy cinnamon, and a nice, sweet sherry backbone. Take a sip and you’ll find even more sherry, dried fruits, tropical flavors, and creamy butterscotch. The finish is memorable, with hints of peppery spice and buttery caramel.

Bottom Line:

If you enjoy sherried whiskies, you probably can’t find a better value than Aberlour A’bunadh. It’s a sherry bomb through and through.

28) Dalwhinnie 15

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $78

The Story:

There’s a reason this 15-year-old whisky is beloved. This award-winning dram is soft, rich, and extremely undervalued. For the price, it’s hard to find a better 15-year-old expression on earth.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll be greeted with aromas of sticky toffee, orange peels, and just a hint of spice. The palate is filled with candy apples, almonds, creamy vanilla, and buttery caramel. Let it open and savor the gentle, nutty sweetness.

Bottom Line:

This isn’t a crazy expensive bottle for the flavor experience it offers. It’s nutty, creamy, and indulgent — a truly memorable sip.

27) The Macallan Rare Cask

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $299

The Story:

The Macallan Rare Cask expression really is a “rare” offering. It’s made using first-fill sherry casks that were hand-selected by the master distiller, made up of the top 1% of the casks currently aging at the renowned distillery.

Tasting Notes:

As you nose this whisky, you’ll find notes of creamy sherry, dried fruits, and toasted vanilla beans. Take a sip and you’ll be immersed in more sweet sherry, clover honey, buttery caramel, and just a hint of spicy cinnamon. In the end, you’ll find a bit of warmth and a nice crescendo of cracked black pepper.

Bottom Line:

While this bottle isn’t tremendously expensive, it’s not the kind of bottle you’ll just walk into a store and grab for the weekend, either. It should be savored and sipped slowly.

26) Springbank 18

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $235

The Story:

At one point, Campbeltown (where Springbank is located) was known as the center of the whisky world. Today that honor likely goes to Islay. But while other distilleries closed, Springbank remained. The distillery is returning the area to prominence with bottles like Springbank 18, an expression aged in both ex-bourbon casks and sherry butts.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of candied orange peels, creamy sherry, and sweet vanilla beans. Take a sip and you’ll add layers of butterscotch, sugar cookies, dried cherries, and subtle cinnamon. The finish is long, warming, and ends with a slight hint of citrus mixed with sweet treacle.

Bottom Line:

Pay tribute to the area that was once a whisky haven by sipping slowly on this highly nuanced, 18-year-old Scotch whisky.

25) Lagavulin 16

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $79.99

The Story:

If you’re a fan of Islay whiskies, there’s a good chance you enjoy a dram of Lagavulin 16 from time to time. With that being said, this single malt definitely isn’t for everyone. That’s because this is a true blue smoke bomb — a heavily peated whisky, aged to perfection for 16 years.

Tasting Notes:

Take a whiff and you’ll find notes of dried cherries, toasted vanilla beans, charred oak, and the peat smoke drinkers expect from an Islay malt. The first sip is loaded with flavors of ocean brine, sweet sherry, buttery caramel, and sweet vanilla — all underpinned by a smoky backbone. At the finish, you’ll find a cacophony of dried apricots, toffee, and peaty smoke.

Bottom Line:

When it comes to quality, smoky whiskies, Lagavulin 16 is a true bargain. Buy a bottle for now and another for later — it’s nice to have on hand if you have a guest who likes peat.

24) Talisker 18

ABV: 45.8%

Average Price: $184.99

The Story:

Talisker is the oldest distillery on the isle of Skye — the largest, most northern island in Scotland’s Inner Hebrides. While you can’t go wrong with any of the distillery’s offerings, Talisker 18 was aged for 18 years in a combination of sherry and bourbon casks, adding another layer of nuance.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find aromas of dried fruits, toasted oak, and sweet vanilla. On the palate, you’ll be treated to charred oak, buttery caramel, sticky toffee pudding, and a nice hit of subtle smoke. The last sip is full of long, dry, warming heat and more of that smoke.

Bottom Line:

If you’re saving up for a whisky in the $100-$200 range and you’ve never tried Talisker yet, grab this bottle. It’s mellow and sweet enough to appeal to mainland single malt fans with a nice bit of smoke to please to Islay drinkers.

23) Glenmorangie Nectar D’or

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $71.99

The Story:

Glenmorangie Nectar D’or tastes exactly as the name would suggest. It’s sweet, smooth, and almost dessert-like in its flavor. It gets these unique notes from being aged in ex-bourbon casks as well as Sauternes wine casks. The bourbon and the sweet white wine casks give the whisky a very memorable flavor that’s well-loved by fans of the brand and critics alike.

Tasting Notes:

You’ll find aromas of maple candy, dried cherries, vanilla icing, and caramel up front. The sip is filled with flavors of sticky toffee pudding, sugar cookies, and just a hint of spicy cinnamon. The finish is long, lingering, and finishes with buttery peanut brittle.

Bottom Line:

There might be no better dessert whisky on earth than Glenmorangie Nectar D’or. It’s elegant, rich, and perfectly paired with a decadent cake.

22) GlenDronach Allardice

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $189.99

The Story:

Named to pay tribute to distillery founder James Allardice, this 18-year-old highland whisky was matured only in Oloroso sherry butts. Since it didn’t spend any time in the usual charred oak barrels, it has a refined, sweet sherry flavor that makes it stand out and linger in your memory.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll get dried cherries, caramelized sugar, and tropical fruits, The palate is filled with a nutty sweetness, clover honey, dessert wine, and creamy vanilla. It all ends in a warming, mellow finish that closes with notes of maple candy and vanilla.

Bottom Line:

Being aged in Oloroso sherry butts give this a distinct, fruity flavor that makes it well-suited to drinking neat.

21) Johnnie Walker Blue Label

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $199.99

The Story:

You won’t find many blended whiskies on this list, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad by any means. It’s just hard to make a list of 30 whiskies without leaving out a few. That said, there’s a reason Johnnie Walker Blue is one of the most awarded blends in the world. It has no age statement but is made up of a blend of Diageo’s rarest and most mature whiskies.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of licorice, charred oak, vanilla, and spicy cinnamon. On the palate, you’ll be treated to flavors of sticky toffee pudding, rich milk chocolate, subtle spice, and even subtler smoke. The conclusion is long, warming, and ends with hints of dried cherries and a nice kiss of smoke.

Bottom Line:

Johnnie Walker Blue is the type of bottle everyone should have in their liquor cabinets. Great for a special occasion, it’s mellow, soft, and perfect for slow sipping.

20) The Balvenie 21 Year Port Wood

ABV: 47.6%

Average Price: $249.99

The Story:

Like many special expressions, everything you need to know is in the name. This 21-year-old offering from The Balvenie is first aged in oak casks before being moved to port wine casks for further aging. The result is a deep, rich, vinous flavor experience.

Tasting Notes:

Spend a moment taking in the nose and you’ll be greeted with aromas of dried fruits, rich almonds, and sweet cream. The first sip is piled high with molasses, sour cherries, clover honey, spicy cinnamon, and buttery caramel. The dram ends in a soft, sweet finale of brown sugar and pecans.

Bottom Line:

You can’t go wrong with any bottle of The Balvenie, but it’s hard to top the flavor of this 21-year-old port wood offering. Especially for the price.

19) The Dalmore Cigar Malt

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $189.99

The Story:

This whisky was designed to be paired with a cigar. But that doesn’t mean non-smokers can’t enjoy this complex juice — matured in a combination of ex-bourbon and Matusalem sherry butts before being finished in cabernet sauvignon wine barriques.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find notes of ripe berries, sweet cinnamon, and sweet cream. The first sip yields hints of sticky toffee pudding, caramelized sugar, dried fruits, and subtle spice. The last sip finishes with a nice combination of dried orange peels and buttery caramel.

Bottom Line:

If you’re a cigar smoker, this is your malt — it’s sweet-not-smoky with a decadent mouthfeel.

18) Glenmorangie Signet

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $199.99

The Story:

This very unique single malt from Glenmorangie is aged in specially designed casks. It has no age statement but it’s made up of the oldest and rarest of the distillery’s whiskies and is distilled using roasted “chocolate” barley along with single estate Cadboll barley.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll be treated to notes of dried cherries, orange peels, subtle spices, sugar cookies, and maple syrup. The palate is full of hints of cinnamon, candied orange peels, buttery caramel, and sweet treacle. The finish is long, full of warming heat, and ends with a final bit of butterscotch sweetness.

Bottom Line:

A lot of the whiskies on this list are flavorful because of the barrels used in the aging process. This expression gets its memorable flavor from the malts — try it and expand your whisky palate in the process.

17) Ardbeg Blaaack

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $139.99

The Story:

Ardbeg is well-known for its peat-smoked whiskies. In recent years, the distillery has upped its flavor profile by aging its whiskies in sherry, bourbon, and now, with this expression, Pinot Noir casks from New Zealand.

Tasting Notes:

Take time to nose this sip. There you’ll find aromas of smoked bacon, dried cherries, and caramelized sugar. On the palate, this whisky is swirling with flavors of woodsmoke, creamy vanilla, and spicy cinnamon. The finish is medium, fiery, and ends with a nice hit of peat smoke.

Bottom Line:

If you’re already a fan of Ardbeg, the natural progression is Ardbeg Blaaack. It’s as if you kicked Ardbeg 10 up to 11.

16) Glenfiddich 21 Reserva Rum Cask Finish

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $229

The Story:

If you have the money to purchase a 21-year-old bottle of Scotch, you’re probably going to be pretty happy with the flavor. But if you grab a bottle of Glenfiddich 21 Reserva Rum Cask Finish, you’ll have a 21-year-old whisky that was finished for four months in Caribbean rum casks — thereby expanding your whisky palate while offering a feast for the senses.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find aromas of dried orange peels, rich honey, and milk chocolate. The palate is filled with cooking spices, creamy caramel, charred oak, and dried cherries. The last few sips from the glass are full of pleasing heat and end with citrus and butterscotch notes.

Bottom Line:

Rum and Scotch are two spirits that seem to be destined to work together. While you might not be happy if you mix the two, finishing a whisky in a rum cask always seems to be a win.

15) Highland Park 18

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $159.99

The Story:

This highly-award whisky from Highland Park is made using both first-filled sherry season European oak casks as well as American oak barrels. It’s aged to perfection for 18 years in Kirkwall, on the Orkney Islands. The result is a spectacular, mellow, aromatic whisky.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of dried cherries, toasted vanilla, and subtle peat smoke. The palate highlights a broad spectrum of flavors — including toasted marshmallows, clover honey, sour cherries, and cocoa powder. It’s all concluded with a nice kiss of briny peat smoke.

Bottom Line:

There’s a reason Highland Park 18 is one of the most beloved bottles on the market. And this price makes it a winner on multiple levels.

14) Chivas Regal 25

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $429

The Story:

Chivas touts itself as the first luxury whisky, having produced its first expression in 1909 — a 25-year-old blend. Prohibition put an end to that product, but it was finally re-established in 2007. Only released twice per year, all of the hand-picked whiskies that go into this special bottle have spent a minimum of 25 years maturing.

Tasting Notes:

Take a moment to breathe in this whisky’s various aromas. You’ll be greeted with notes of dried apricots, sweet cream, and caramel. The sip yields hints of raisins, butterscotch, shortbread, and subtle cinnamon spice. It ends with a nice bit of heat, complemented by caramel and subtle smoke.

Bottom Line:

Sometimes people look down on blended whisky. If that’s you, just take one sip of Chivas Regal 25 and your mind will be completely changed.

13) Ardbeg Traigh Bhan

ABV: 46.2%

Average Price: $289

The Story:

This small-batch whisky from Islay’s Ardbeg Distillery gets its name from the island’s famous Traigh Bhan beach. It was aged for 18 years in a combination of American oak barrels and Oloroso sherry butts.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of dried fruits, charred oak, and a kiss of smoky peat. The palate adds layers, with caramel apples, creamy vanilla, smoked bacon, and subtle cinnamon predominating. The finish is long, warming, and closes with a final flourish of peat smoke.

Bottom Line:

If you started with Ardbeg 10 and worked your way up to An Oa, Blaack, and Uigeadail, it’s time to step it up to Traigh Bhan.

12) The Macallan 18 Double Cask

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $429

The Story:

The Macallan is well known for its relationship with Spain. All of its whiskies have at the very least been finished in sherry-seasoned casks. Its Double Cask 18-Year-Old was matured for 18 years in a combination of American and European sherry seasoned casks — making this expression doubly special.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of candied orange peels, caramel, and dried fruits. The palate is loaded up with ripe citrus, vanilla beans, charred oak, and a nice hint of sweet cinnamon. It all ends in a final warming cascade of citrus and brown sugar.

Bottom Line:

The Macallan 12 is a classic bottle that belongs on your shelf at all times. If you have the money, 18 Double Oak should stand alongside it.

11) Glenfarclas 17

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $104

The Story:

While names like Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, and Lagavulin dominated the market, Glenfarclas has quietly become one of the most highly-regard distilleries in Scotland. Its 17-year-old expression was aged solely in 100% Oloroso sherry butts, giving it a distinctly sweet, warming flavor.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll be treated to aromas of sweet sherry, dried cherries, brown sugar, and subtle smoke. The first sip is full of bold flavors like buttery caramel, charred oak, cooking spices, and a warm hug of peat smoke. It finishes with a long, warming feeling and a nice hit of sweet cinnamon.

Bottom Line:

If you’re a fan of both sherry and peat, this is your jam. Grab as many bottles as you can and hide them from your whisky-loving friends.

10) Ardbeg Supernova

ABV: 53.8%

Average Price: $200

The Story:

This aptly named Ardbeg offering is a high proof, bold, smoke bomb. This extremely limited-edition, no-age-statement whisky was aged in ex-bourbon barrels. While it gained the sweet, caramel, and vanilla flavors from the casks that once held bourbon, this is Ardbeg’s smokiest whisky by far and will only appeal to true peat fans.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is filled with herbal, smoky, and sweet caramel aromas. Take a sip and you’ll be transported to a world of subtle cinnamon, spicy pepper, buttery vanilla, and a whole lot of charred, smoky peat. (You have to be ready for it, it comes on strong.) The last few sips are warming and end with a nice final hint of that peaty smoke.

Bottom Line:

Did we mention this whisky was smoky? It’s really freaking smoky. If that’s your thing, you’ll love it.

9) The Glenlivet XXV

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $429.99

The Story:

This exceptional, highly rated whisky spends 23 years in a traditional oak cask before being double-barreled in hand-picked first-fill sherry casks for two more years. The result is a memorable whisky, bursting with a mixture of fresh fruits and caramel sweetness.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find notes of cocoa, dried cherries, and charred oak. The sip delivers flavors of spicy cinnamon, raisins, caramelized sugar, and a nutty sweetness. It all ends in a final wave of sherry and vanilla.

Bottom Line:

This bottle isn’t cheap for a reason. It was aged for a long time and the price and flavor reflect this. Keep it for a truly special occasion and drink it neat.

8) Bruichladdich Black Art 1994 Edition 07.1

ABV: 48.4%

Average Price: $400

The Story:

The seventh Black Art release, this expression was distilled way back in 1994 before being aged for 25 years in unknown barrels (there’s a lot of mystery surrounding this bottle). It was bottled at cask strength, is non-chill filtered, and as bold and rugged as the island it was distilled and aged on.

Unlike many Islay offerings, Black Art isn’t peated.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of toasted marshmallow, nutmeg, dried fruits, and crème brûlée. The first sip will send you into a world of mellow, rich caramel candy, coconut, candied orange peel, and charred oak. The finish is long, warming, and ends with butterscotch and roasted almonds.

Bottom Line:

If you’re a fan of Islay and its peated whiskies, this is a perfect change of pace. It’s rich, warming, and doesn’t have the gut-punch of smoke that most of that island’s whiskies have.

7) Bowmore 25 Small Batch Release

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $503

The Story:

Bowmore doesn’t get the name recognition of some of the other more lauded Islay distilleries, but it is no less beloved by its fans. This small-batch release was matured for 25 years in a combination of ex-bourbon cask and sherry butts. The result is a highly complex juice with a nice mingling of caramel smokiness and sherry sweetness.

Tasting Notes:

Take time to savor the various aromas and you’ll find notes of ocean brine, caramel, and subtle peat smoke. On the palate, you’re sure to pick up sticky toffee pudding, dried cherries, rich walnuts, and more peaty smoke. The end of the sip is very warm and finishes with a nice combo of maple candy and briny smoke.

Bottom Line:

This is one of the most complex whiskies on the market. It strikes the perfect balance between peaty smoke and sherry sweetness.

6) Bunnahabhain 25

ABV: 46.3%

Average Price: $899

The Story:

This non-chill filtered, small-batch whisky was aged for 25 years at the brand’s Islay distillery. It’s referred to as the “super-premium” member of Bunnahabhain’s range of whiskies. It’s nuanced, well-balanced, and bridges the gap between fruity, nutty, and gently smoky with ease.

Tasting Notes:

Take a whiff of this special bottle and bask in the aromas of charred oak, dried cherries, and toasted vanilla beans. The palate is swimming with a nutty sweetness followed by fresh fruits, buttery caramel, and light peat. The finish is dry, lingering, and ends with a nice combination of smoke and brown sugar.

Bottom Line:

This is a perfect representation of the various styles of whisky from Islay. While many simply assume all the whiskies are smoke bombs, this expression proves that a gentle kiss of smoke is often enough.

5) The Dalmore King Alexander III

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $359

The Story:

This expression doesn’t carry an age statement, but it’s made up of whiskies ranging in ages from 12 to 25 years old as well the brand’s Cigar Malt. This ridiculously complex bottle also contains whiskies that were aged in various containers — including ex-bourbon casks, Madeira wine barrels, marsala wine casks, Oloroso sherry butts, and even cabernet sauvignon barrels.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find hints of dried fruits, caramelized sugar, and vanilla beans. The palate develops those notes — layering in crème brûlée, candied orange peels, buttery caramel, and blackberries. The close is sweet, warming, and ends with a nice, pleasing kick of cinnamon.

Bottom Line:

You’ll feel like royalty when you slowly sip on a dram of The Dalmore King Alexander III.

4) Laphroaig 30

ABV: 53.5%

Average Price: $849

The Story:

Even in peat fan circles, Laphroaig isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like brine and antiseptic flavors along with smoky peat, you won’t enjoy this 30-year-old expression. Aged in refill hogsheads before being moved to first-fill ex-bourbon barrels and refill quarter casks, this is a spectacular offering for smoky whisky fans.

If you don’t like the smoke, leave this alone.

Tasting Notes:

Nose this special release and your nostrils will fill with the aromas of toasted brown sugar, almonds, and dried fruits. Take a sip and you’ll get to enjoy the numerous flavors working in harmony — including ocean brine, orange peels, vanilla beans, and a nice hit of peat smoke. It all ends with a final, warming sip of caramel and wood smoke.

Bottom Line:

This iconic bottle will be the centerpiece of any whisky collection. It’s a must for true smoke lovers with some cash on hand.

3) Mortlach 26

ABV: 53.3%

Average Price: $1,800

The Story:

If you haven’t had a chance to try one of Mortlach’s whiskies, we suggest starting with its reasonably priced 12-year. If your palate (and wallet) has evolved past that expression, this 26-year-old was matured in both Pedro Ximenez and Oloroso sherry butts and is truly a feast for the senses.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll be greeted with aromas of the rick house itself, tobacco leaves, almonds, and sweet vanilla. Take a sip and you’ll find hints of dried cherries, chocolate fudge, buttery caramel, sweet sherry, and burnt sugar with cream. The close is snuggly warm, with a great hit of caramel and cracked black pepper at the very end.

Bottom Line:

This is an exceptional bottle of whisky. It’s also really expensive. If you get a chance to try it, SAVOR EVERY SIP.

2) The Macallan M

ABV: 44%

Average Price: $6,400

The Story:

While this whisky doesn’t carry an age statement, it was made using the rarest whiskies at The Macallan and you can bet they’re really old and really rare. The main whisky in The Macallan’s 1824 Series, it was a collaboration between The Macallan, art director Fabien Baron, and Lalique.

Tasting Notes:

You’ll definitely want to nose this whisky before sipping it. We mean for a few solid minutes. Breathe and reflect on the teat you’re about to consume.

Upfront, you’ll find aromas of leather, charred oak, baking spices, candied orange peels, and sweet vanilla cream. The first sip adds to that cavalcade of flavors with sweet sherry, rich milk chocolate, buttery caramel, and just a wisp of smoke. The finish is filled with pleasing heat and ends with hints of tobacco and vanilla beans.

Bottom Line:

This whisky is touted as the “most sophisticated whisky in the world” and with its flavor and Lalique crystal decanter, it’s really hard to argue.

1) The Dalmore 45

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $14,600

The Story:

You can’t speed up time (unless you have a DeLorean and a mad scientist) so to get a whisky aged for 45 years, you have to wait very patiently. That time costs money, as does the craft that goes into this sublime, 45-year-old whisky — first matured in ex-bourbon barrels before being transferred to two different varieties of Vintage Graham’s Port Colheita pipes.

The two whiskeys are then blended and finished in ex-bourbon casks, adding yet another layer to this fascinating offering.

Tasting Notes:

You’ll be greeted with the smells of a musty barrelhouse, dried cherries, rich almonds, and sweet plums. The first taste lightens the mustiness with toasted marshmallows, baking spices, sweet chocolate, and creamy vanilla. It all ends in a brief, warming splash of caramel and spice.

Bottom Line:

Not many Scotch drinkers can justify spending $14,600 for one bottle of whisky. But if you just sold a tech company, know this: This is my favorite sip of whisky ever. So buy a bottle and invite me to share it with you and your rich friends. Please.