Upworthy recently shared an adorable baby giggling video on our Instagram page (which you definitely want to check out if you’re starved for feel-good stories) and people expressed gratitude for the instant boost of happiness. There’s something so pure about babies expressing joy and it’s nearly impossible not to get flooded with mood-lifting endorphins when you see it.
In addition to head bops, babies find certain sounds rip-roaringly hilarious.
Anyone remember the baby who thought that paper being torn was the funniest thing to ever happen? It never gets old. Paper rip equals baby laugh— right on cue. So freaking cute.
Baby Laughing Hysterically at Ripping Paper (Original)
Seriously, why is paper being ripped in half considered the peak of comedy routines for the wee ones? This baby couldn’t even stay upright. He found paper tearing so funny.
Pretty much any sound can make certain babies laugh. Why? Who knows. Maybe it’s the unexpected aspect of it.
I mean, this baby totally loses it at the sound of a pacifier being popped out of someone’s mouth. After the first time, just the thought of it does him in, as he keeps laughing in anticipation that she’s going to do it again. Every single time.
Oh, baby. If you think a pacifier is chuckle-worthy, wait until your old man starts making fart noises. Fart noises are universally funny and apparently our tendency to giggle at them is ingrained in all of us.
How about the baby who laughs at himself every time he gets startled? (It’s impossible not to giggle at this. I’ve tried. It’s seriously not humanly possible).
If one baby laughing is a delight, why not four at once? I can’t imagine having four babies at once, but this video almost makes it look appealing, at least for a few minutes. And again, it’s just a dad making silly sounds that creates the synchronized, double-stereo baby giggles. So. Much. Fun.
For the grand finale, even though this kiddo isn’t technically a baby—more like a young preschooler—his laughter is so infectious and entertaining he had to be included. How much fun would it be to have this kid in class?
Hysterical and contagious laughing boy in music class
No matter how bad things get out in the world, the delight of babies and children enjoying the simplest things in life can always bring us back to a place of joy and gratitude. Anytime you’re feeling down, pull up a baby laughing video. It does the heart good.
The New York Knicks will be adding longtime Utah Jazz executive Walt Perrin as assistant general manager, reported Shams Charania of The Athletic on Monday. The report has since been confirmed by other outlets. Perrin worked in Utah’s front office for 19 years, first as the team’s director of player personnel and then vice president of player personnel.
During his tenure, the Jazz drafted Gordon Hayward, Rudy Gobert and Donovan Mitchell — the Jazz drafted Mitchell at No. 13 the same year that the Knicks selected Frank Ntilikina with the eighth overall pick.
Sources: The Knicks are finalizing hiring Jazz VP of Player Personnel Walt Perrin as assistant general manager as they reshuffle front office under Leon Rose. Perrin is a well-respected executive who has worked in Jazz organization for 19 years.
The move is the latest in a Knicks front office shakeup after Leon Rose was brought on as team president in March to replace Steve Mills. Since then, Rose has hired Brock Aller, formerly Cleveland Cavaliers’ senior director of basketball operations and longtime confidant of owner Dan Gilbert, and signed general manager Scott Perry to a new one-year contract.
It’s become epically clear that far-flung international travel isn’t going to be as common as it once was for quite some time. Four-hour wait times to get on a plane are going to be the norm, with maybe as much as twice that to get out of an airport when you arrive. That’s before you take into account that most international travel is going to require a 14-day quarantine on arrival and once you return home, as per the CDC; or consider which borders are even going to be open to tourists from the US. (For example, it’s looking more and more like Europe will only be allowing internal tourism for the rest of the year.)
With international travel pretty much off the books for the rest of 2020, it’s time to look to the highways and byways of the ol’ US of A to get your travel fix (assuming you’re lucky enough to get a couple of weeks of vacation this year and feel able to afford it). That means the Great American Road Trip is back in a big way. A chance to see our ever-changing nation in a time of massive upheaval, use your tourist dollars to support struggling communities, and get a little elbow room as quarantine winds down. A chance to stay socially distanced without going fully stir-crazy.
That being said, traveling around the U.S. isn’t going to be a cakewalk. Different states are in very different stages of the pandemic. Ultimately, it falls on you to know what is going on where to make sure you’re not exacerbating already tenuous situations. That means don’t travel (for recreation) to a place that has an active shelter-in-place or stay-at-home order. Period. Don’t travel if local communities don’t feel ready to welcome travelers, either. The age of playing the “ignorant tourist” is gone. You’ve got to be savvy, thoughtful, and attentive to the situation on the ground if you’re going to hit the road at all.
The list below offers up information to consider and supplies to have on hand for a road trip this summer. Happy (and safe) adventuring!
As we mentioned above, different states are in different stages of the pandemic. There’s no single answer to where you can go. Local is probably the best bet, especially if you’re already in the west — where there’s a crazy amount of BLM land at your disposal.
A big part of deciding where to head is knowing how state borders are operating. California, for instance, still has inspection checkpoints at its border for agricultural products. They’re called California Border Protection Stations and they generally are only looking for any outside fruits, vegetables, lumber, and so forth to stop diseases from spreading between ecosystems. But it’s worth noting that they have the legal authority to stop you from entering for any reason.
Comparatively, some parts of Indian Country have closed roads into and through their nations to protect them from outsiders spreading COVID-19 to their very at-risk communities. These might well be roads that cut across a state that you were planning to take. So do your research and reroute where necessary.
If you’re planning on hitting up a state or national park in your state, you’ll also need to check on the park’s website to see what’s open and what’s available before getting in the car. Recreation.gov is a good resource for planning and budgeting for a road trip.
Get Tested Before You Go And When You Get Back
This is a little more difficult, given the lack of wide-spread testing available in the US. Still, in reality, you probably shouldn’t go anywhere unless you’ve been tested for COVID-19. CVS is now offering rapid testing in some locations. And it’s essential that you not travel if showing coronavirus symptoms. It would probably also be wise to get tested when you get home.
In the same vein, you should absolutely keep a diary of every single place you stopped on your trip in case you do pick up the virus. Tracing is crucial to fighting this pandemic.
Check Into Travel and Road Insurance
Auto insurance groups like AAA offer regional-specific road-travel insurance that covers road trip-specific insurance needs. They also offer mechanics, a long list of discounts, and free travel planning. They’re basically selling peace of mind and that’s something that’s in short supply right now. In the end, they’ll help you save some cash on everything from meals to gas to attractions.
While it’d be nice to pretend we can just whimsically let the road take us wherever it leads, it’s just not realistic right now. The CDC notes that you need to know where gas stations and watering holes are, be aware of road closures, and plan where you’re going to sleep.
From camping in National Parks to roadside motels, you cannot just expect any place to be open. Many parks still have pretty strict restrictions on camping and there are plenty of places where hotels are still closed or will be again as the pandemic ebbs and flows from place to place.
Know where you’re going and, maybe most importantly, have a backup plan. Also, don’t be afraid to sleep in your car in a pinch.
Make Sure You Have A Reliable Ride
Again, this should be obvious. But, yeah, just make sure you trust that your ride will actually get you where you want to go and back. Renting a car is always an option if you can afford that in your budget. Otherwise, change the oil, top up the fluids, check the air pressure in your tires, make sure you have spare, give it a wash. Being stranded is not fun in the best of times. In this scenario, it’s literally a nightmare.
PART II — SUPPLIES
Kal Visuals, Unsplash
Social Distancing and Cleaning Supplies
Bring along plenty of hand sanitizer. Make sure you have enough masks too, as you likely won’t be able to wash masks on the road. The efficacy of gloves has been questioned, but sanitizing wipes can be a great single-use option for gripping doors, etc.
The CDC has a list of recommended supplies to bring with you on the road, that list is as follows:
– Prepare food and water for the road. Pack non-perishables in case restaurants and stores are closed.
– Bring any medicines you may need for the duration of your trip.
– Pack a sufficient amount of alcohol-based hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol) and keep it in a place that is readily available.
– Book accommodations in advance if you must stay somewhere overnight.
– Plan to make as few stops as possible, but make sure you rest when you feel drowsy or sleepy.
– Bring an EPA-registered disinfectant and other personal cleaning supplies.
A Physical Road Atlas
Yes, we all have maps on our phones. Still, there are huge swaths of America’s backcountry that don’t have decent cell coverage. It’s never a bad idea to have a physical road atlas in your car somewhere. Moreover, it’s not a bad idea to get a regional map of where you’ll be, just in case.
COVID is bring ing about the new era of resilience and self-reliance — honor that and be prepared.
A Cooler & Picnic Supplies
You’re going to want to minimize how often you put others in contact with you. While tourism is highly dependent on you eating at restaurants in the places you’re going, maybe limit that to one meal a day instead of every meal on the road. In that case, stock a cooler with breakfast or lunch foods you can eat on the side of the road or at a picnic table (if a park is open).
We’d argue not to skimp here. A great cooler should last a lifetime but you have to pay for it. But, then, you never have to worry again about a good cooler either. If you want to go all-in, people lost their sh*t over Yeti. It’s tough to find a better cooler on the market these days.
As for picnic supplies, expect most of your meals to be taken to go. A little dishware, some blankets, and a pillow or two can really upgrade a roadside meal. If that’s your speed, you’ll need a little roadside washing station too. Of course, the easiest road trip play is to eat only wraps — turkey wraps, bean wraps, etc. Keep it easy and quick.
Refillable Water Bottles
Never go without water. Refillable bottles can be filled at gas stations, grocery stores, parks, and even breweries. You can also grab some beer from breweries if you have growlers.
The point is not to rely on case after case of single-use bottled water. This is a new era and a chance for all of us to travel greener.
Non-Perishable Foods
Even if you have a cooler, it’s still smart to stock up on some non-perishables. Vegan protein bars, buffalo jerky, trail mix, a pound of peanut M&M’s … you do you. It’s important to have some fast and easy energy on hand while you’re driving.
Games
A deck of cards and a cribbage board can go a long way while you take a break from driving. It’s good to play games on breaks to give your brain something else to do besides stare at the road.
Magic the Gathering more your speed? Cool. Chess? Awesome. Rummy? Go for it!
Then there are in-the-car games while you’re actually driving. 20 Questions, While You Were Sleeping, Word Association, and so on are tried-and-true ways to pass the hours on the road.
Music
Definitely make a playlist or two or three. And go deep with it. I once made a playlist of original songs sampled in ’80s and early ’90s hip-hop that was a hit on a road trip across South Dakota. Get creative and have fun. Or maybe download The Las Dance playlist. Or dive into Van Morrison. You’ll figure it out.
An Open Mind
There was a time in American culture, a few months back, when we all seemed to immediately judge one another based on perceived ideology. These days, there are far too many unknowns for anyone to make snap judgments. Instead, slow down. Ask questions. Locals in Portland are wearing masks the second they go outside. In SoCal, they’re mostly reserved for stores. Use your better judgment if that makes you more precautious than the local populace. Otherwise — at the very least — observe local precautions.
Remember, that travel is all about broadening your perspective. On a road trip, part of that means gaining understanding of how others are managing COVID-19.
Despite Hollywood coming to a standstill, things are moving very quickly for Scream 5 in the two months since it was announced. David Arquette has officially joined the project and will return to the role of Sheriff Dewey Riley, who’s been with him since 1996.
“I am thrilled to be playing Dewey again and to reunite with my Scream family, old and new,” Arquette said in a statement (via Variety). “Scream has been such a big part of my life, and for both the fans and myself, I look forward to honoring Wes Craven’s legacy.”
Variety also reports that the film is hoping to begin filming in Wilmington, N.C. this year once safety protocols can happen. Fresh off of their success with Ready or Not, the fifth installment will arrive under the direction of the horror trio Matthew Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett, and Chad Villela, better known as “Radio Silence.” When their involvement was first announced, there were very little details about the script or whether the film would continue the story or be a reboot. But while plot details are still under wraps, Arquette’s casting seemingly confirms that the film won’t be a complete undoing of the previous chapters.
Adding to this news are reports that Neve Campbell could return as Sidney Prescott. The actress has confirmed that she’s in talks with the directing team, and in a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter, she was impressed by their approach to honoring Wes Craven:
I got this really, really respectful letter from the directors [Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett] of the new one. They came to me with Scream 5, and these directors are incredibly talented. They wrote a letter honoring Wes in such a beautiful way, and they expressed that the reason they make horror movies is because of Wes and the Scream films… It was just beautiful… I had really thought that the only way I’d step into a new project with new directors is if they really wanted to honor him.
However, Campbell also tempered her remarks by highlighting the uncertainty around any film production due to the ongoing pandemic.
Kate Welch makes it clear right away: she knows Rick Sanchez is an asshole. He was written that way on Rick and Morty, and she sure as hell was going to write him that way as a dungeon master.
Welch is a game designer for Wizards of the Coast and wrote the Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in the Rick and Morty universe. She’s also a huge fan of the show, which is why she knew the place to start with a campaign “created” by Rick Sanchez was to make him as insufferable as possible.
“In the rule book Rick is a total asshole. He’s that super annoying, old school rules lawyer which most people don’t want at their table anymore. And we did that because Rick is supposed to be an asshole,” Welch said. “He’s an asshole on the show, and so we wanted to really drive that home. This guy is giving you crude advice. You shouldn’t follow it. It’s mostly bad.”
Licensed properties always make for uncertain gaming collaborations — think of how many versions of sports team Monopoly or awful movie tie-in video games forgettably exist — but Rick and Morty vs. Dungeons and Dragons has worked from the start. The set is based on the successful Rick and Morty vs. Dungeons and Dragons comic series and comes with a full dungeon and pre-rolled characters based on Summer, Jerry, Morty and Beth from the show. Dungeons and Dragons, by its nature, has always been what you and your players make of it. And a Rick and Morty-inspired dungeon crawl can go in some interesting directions in the right hands.
For Welch, the goal was to take some fun things from the show and the attitude Rick provides to color the experience, but not ruin it. She called her work a “dumpster fire” of an adventure if you follow what Sanchez says in the rules. Reading between the lines of the “crass” and “nihilistic” Rick’s insistence that charisma is a “dump stat” and spells are only as good as the damage they do is all part of the experience, as long as you can go along with it.
“I got to write this adventure that’s in Rick’s voice and it’s probably the only Dungeons and Dragons adventure where you’ll find text like ‘How many goblins are in there? I don’t know. You figure it out. You’re the dungeon master. I don’t give a sh*t,’” Welch said, laughing. “There’s no other adventure where we could get away with something like that. There’s something cathartic about writing that.”
The abridged player’s guide and DM guide all have moments like that, but they are entirely playable and provide the essentials for getting the campaign off and running. And though there’s some extremely unhelpful advice, the kit and the dungeon players explore make for a work that deeply understands Rick and Morty in a way many of its most outspoken fans seem to totally misunderstand. Rick is not the person to trust in general, and definitely not when trying to tell a good story. Reading between the lines is essential in using the guidelines to make a campaign that’s actually fun.
“Rick believes himself to be the hero, at least that’s the front that he puts on,” Welch said. “But the psychology of that is that someone like that will always pretend to be better than everybody else. They will always pretend to be the hero. And that’s what we tried to capture in the rule book and this adventure.”
For experienced dungeon masters, the juxtaposition of Rick’s sarcastic comments and clear instructions to torture players for annoying you are funny but likely not to be followed. It’s also wholly unsurprising given that we know how Rick would run a dungeon crawl thanks to Season 3’s episode, “Vindicators 3: The Return of Worldender.” The entire episode is a parody of superhero movies, and Rick is predictably both bored and intent on exposing the hypocrisy and absurdity of superhero battles between good and evil.
“Rick says good and bad are artificial constructs,” Morty says to Vance Maximus, Renegade Starsoldier, the figurehead of the Vindicators doing his best Captain America impression.
“Yeah, well I get the feeling he kinda needs that to be the case,” Maximus says.
In the episode, Rick gets blackout drunk and sets up what’s essentially a dungeon crawl where he exposes the heroes as frauds and just generally ruins everything. It’s the typical combination of illuminating and maybe a bit depressing, but it’s the model for his adventure as well as a statement about running a campaign in the first place. DMs are all-powerful, sure, but they’re more the arbiter of the rules and in charge of making sure everyone is actually enjoying themselves.
“So much of Rick and Morty is a meta commentary about film tropes. That’s not a rocket science explanation of the show, you can see it in the episode titles that they’re parodying film,” Welch said. “So what I wanted to do was the same kind of thing but parodying D&D tropes. And see if we can analyze what makes D&D, D&D in its most essential form. And how can we make fun of that?”
For Welch and others who worked on the campaign, the goal wasn’t to emulate the show as much as take the tropes and jokes that already resonated with fans and reimagine them in a setting they’re experts in: stone-hewn dungeons filled with goblins, orcs and other show-adapted surprises. And yes, players making decisions based on their self-created alignment of good, evil and neutral.
The result is a dungeon crawl that has references to the show but also some classic tropes from generations of D&D campaigns. There are pickle-inspired traps that are equally annoying as people who still might scream “PICKLE RICK” without irony. High tech solutions to puzzles and the typical smug intellectualism Rick brings to his adventures show up alongside the usual goblins and orcs you might find in a typical Dungeons and Dragons campaign.
At the same time, the bluntness of the instructions and the absurdity of the rooms to explore is a whole mess of fun. D&D can be extremely self-serious, even if the goal is to create an entire fantasy to play out with your friends. The rigidity of the RPG’s rules and regulations — and someone strictly enforcing those rules — can often make for a less than enjoyable experience. It’s a delicate balance, something that often plays out in episodes of Rick and Morty. Welch said she rewatched the entire series to study the “secret sauce” that makes the show click with viewers, but came away with something else instead.
“Turns out there really is no secret sauce,” she said. “The secret sauce is Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland’s insane brains.”
Welch instead noted the show’s surprise strength comes between gross nihilism and edgy humor: the “oddly heartwarming” moments and emotional touches that take away focus from Rick’s self-destructive egomania.
“There’s something very touching about most episodes of Rick and Morty. There’s an oddly heartwarming moment, which Dan Harmon is really great at doing,” Welch said. “So I wanted to make sure that all of those elements got captured in this.”
Those oddly heartwarming moments play out to varying effects based on those playing, but in my experience the success ratio is high with Rick and Morty D&D. In DMing my way through the dungeon it occured to me that the interpretive side of D&D works perfectly with the universe Rick and Morty has created. For those unable to see that Rick is not the hero of the story, well, the dungeon will play out much differently. But some people don’t always see everything you want them to. It’s one of the lessons Welch said she’s learned in her years writing dungeons and creating journeys: players may not always travel in the ways they’re intended. They may skip entire rooms, break puzzles and almost certainly try to trip you up with something unexpected. And it makes for a “really interesting challenge” for someone trying to create something in an already-existing universe.
“You have to write an adventure that whatever is happening is happening regardless of whether the players ever encounter it. So you have to write every room like something is happening and it would if you don’t go into that room,” Welch explained. “So to write a dungeon and have all of these neutral states where something is happening it doesn’t matter if you’re there but also if you are there it’s interesting to you… it’s a really interesting challenge.”
Players and viewers may never see all the other stuff, in other words, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there if they go looking for it.
It was a competitive race for the No. 1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart last week, as it was Doja Cat and Nicki Minaj up against Megan Thee Stallion and Beyonce. Doja and Minaj ultimately came out on top, but their reign at No. 1 was short-lived: There’s a new No. 1 song on the chart dated May 23, and it’s the new Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber collaboration, “Stuck With U.”
— Billboard Charts (@billboardcharts) May 18, 2020
“Stuck With U” is Bieber’s fourth No. 1 song as a lead artist, and his first since 2015’s “Love Yourself.” As for Grande, this is her third chart-topping single, and her most recent one before this was “7 Rings,” which was released as a single at the start of 2019. “Stuck With U” is the 38th song to debut at No. 1.
— Billboard Charts (@billboardcharts) May 18, 2020
“Stuck With U” is the 38th song in history to debut at No. 1 on the #Hot100.
— Billboard Charts (@billboardcharts) May 18, 2020
Shortly before the song’s video dropped, Bieber tweeted, “Excited to be singing with you @ArianaGrande.” Grande answered, “me too ! it has been a long time comin and i’m so glad we waited so patiently for this. it feels so special. love u, my friend.”
Coincidentally, Grande (and Bieber) knocking Doja off the chart comes shortly after Grande revealed that she and Doja had recently worked on a song together. Grande told Zane Lowe last week, “I love her. I was able to work with her earlier this year on this song that I want to save for whenever it’s time again, to drop. But I love her so much. I love her personality. I love what she brings to the table musically. She’s just such a breath of fresh air. I think she’s brilliant and so talented.”
Grande also previously expressed her joy at seeing four female artists occupying the top two spots of the Hot 100 last week, writing, “this is such an incredible moment in music [heart emoji] wowowoooowoowwowoo i love seeing this with all my heart.”
As the official launch of HBO Max draws closer, the new streaming service continues its supply of trailers with a look at Legendary, its fierce voguing competition show that will be available at launch. The series will feature eight teams as they perform for celebrity judges like Megan Thee Stallion and The Good Place‘s Jameela Jamil. And if the trailer is any indication, these performers are putting it all on the line for intense, soul-baring performances that speak to their unique talents and personalities.
Here’s the official synopsis via HBO:
Pulling directly from the underground ballroom community, voguing teams (aka “houses”) must compete in unbelievable balls and showcase sickening fashion in order to achieve “legendary” status. The cast includes MC Dashaun Wesley and DJ MikeQ as well as celebrity judges Law Roach, Jameela Jamil, Leiomy Maldonado, and Megan Thee Stallion.
In the short run-up to its premiere, Legendary has already been a lightning rod for controversy. The production faced criticism from the ballroom scene (over Jameela Jamil’s reported role as MC) for not choosing an active veteran that represented its “primarily black and Latinx LGBTQ” community, according to Variety. HBO Max issued a clarifying statement to the effect of Jamil acting as a judge, not the MC, and the actress also came out as bisexual for the first time ever. The controversy soon faded as HBO set the record straight that ballroom veteran (and the “King of Vogue”) Dashaun Wesley is actually the MC.
At the beginning of the year, a detail about new music from the ever-elusive Kendrick Lamar was revealed: the rapper was apparently finished with his next album. Not only was the rapper’s album reportedly complete, but it is also rumored to be a pivot from his former catalog and laden with influences from rock music. Alas, nearly five months have passed and no new information about Kendrick’s music has been divulged. But a recent comment by Top Dawg Entertainment’s CEO could mean that fans will be hearing Kendrick’s music sooner rather than later.
TDE’s CEO Anthony “Top Dawg” Tiffith let loose details about Kendrick Lamar’s return in a recent Instagram live session, according to Rap-Up. While catching up with his followers, Tiffith told his viewers to “stay patient” because Kendrick “will return soon.”
Kendrick’s return will mark his first new music since his work on the Black Panther soundtrack, which ended up putting the rapper into hot water. Both Kendrick and The Weeknd were slapped with a copyright lawsuit form the now-disbanded group Yeasayer. In their court documents, Yeasayer alleges that Kendrick and The Weeknd’s “Pray For Me” lifted a “distinctive choral performance” from one of their 2007 tracks. The Weeknd officially responded to the copyright suit, denying Yaesayer’s allegations. But the lawsuit arrives as the second time Kendrick was hit with copyright infringement allegations for his Black Panther music.
With all sports (and sports-entertainment) leagues currently hurting for new content to keep audiences engaged, networks are pulling out the big guns: Multi-part documentaries of some of their most iconic athletes. And what The Last Danceis to the NBA, Undertaker: The Last Ride is is to the WWE Universe. This five-part docuseries, whose first episode aired yesterday and will continue to air exclusively on the WWE Network every Sunday for the next four weeks, follows the journey of the Undertaker from the days before his WrestleMania 33 match in 2017 until, presumably, present day.
We at With Spandex will be watching along with the rest of you every Sunday and distilling each episode down in our new recap, Ride Or Die. Here’s what we learned from episode two of The Last Ride.
Previously on The Last Ride: We learned that the Undertaker remembers nothing about WrestleMania 30, was a shell of himself mentally going into WrestleMania 31 and came into WrestleMania 33 completely out of shape. (He also said nothing about WrestleMania 32 whatsoever, which is maybe for the best.)
The Undertaker Hated His Retirement Match
Episode two of The Last Ride has its flaws (like Undertaker’s extremely questionable wardrobe choices — yeesh), but it’s nothing if not honest, especially when the episode begins with Taker dogging on what was ostensibly supposed to be his retirement match. Eight months after getting beaten by Roman Reigns, Taker sits on his couch, watching blown spot after blown spot, admitting he dropped the ball:
“I feel bad for Roman. That bothers me. It’s like I didn’t even know where I was supposed to be. I haven’t spoken to him about it… I did the best that I could do for him, the problem was my physical conditioning. my body was at the limit of what I could take.”
Vince McMahon goes onto echo Taker’s sentiments, saying, “He wasn’t there and he knew in his heart he wasn’t there.”
So, of course, this means Taker wants a second crack at a goodbye match, commenting, “I feel like I need some redemption for that performance, so here we are.”
Michelle McCool, the secret MVP of the series thus far who went on the record saying she was hoping Mania 33 was really the end, wearily echoes her husband’s sentiment: “Here we are.”
The Undertaker Had Hip Surgery Following WrestleMania 33
Just a few weeks after getting pinned in Orlando, Mark Calaway has his right hip replaced, after having already had his left hip replaced a number of years ago. His time in the hospital provides the first real laugh-out-loud moment of The Last Ride, when a nurse asks him if he’s ever had any surgeries and Calaway chuckles and deadpans, “Yeah, I’ve had a few,” before listing off his myriad procedures (among them, blown out eyesockets, torn rotator cuff, biceps repair, knee scoping and broken fingers).
The next laugh-out-loud moment comes immediately thereafter, when Calaway is wheeled into the OR where the doctors are literally playing his theme song. Not exactly the kind of thing you’d want to hear on an operating table! But the surgery goes as planned, and Calaway is back on his feet by the next morning — though apparently he caught some guff from McMahon, who told him he walked out the same day of his 2013 hip surgery. (Once a genetic jackhammer, always a genetic jackhammer, I suppose.)
McCool once again steals the show here, as Calaway says, “I’ve changed, I’ve changed” in regards to wanting to return to the ring, to which she immediately fires back, “Since yesterday?” She knows what’s coming, whether or not he realizes it.
The Undertaker And Vince McMahon Have An Incredibly Tight Bond
As much as Calaway loves his wife (and her ability to throw a football), there’s no question the deepest love in his life is the love he has for Vince McMahon, a feeling which appears to be evenly reciprocated — even though Calaway says he can’t ever predict how his converstions with Vince will go. “I gave up on strategizing meetings with Vince a long time ago,” he remarks as he heads to a meeting at WWE’s corporate headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut, on a Saturday in August, 2017. (Who conducts business on a Saturday? Vince.)
We learn that Taker’s love for Vince is so deep that he named his son Gunner Vincent, and McCool says of the pair, “They would literally take a bullet for each other,” a sentiment reiterated by Taker himself later. When McMahon is asked what Taker means to him, he responds, “Mark Calaway is the most loyal performer I have ever dealt with,” before breaking down into tears when pressed as to what he means to him personally.
It makes sense, though: The Undertaker never left. Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Randy Savage and countless others switched sides in the Monday Night War (and beyond, with TNA, AEW and elsewhere). Even talent in good standing like Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart eventually retired from in-ring competition. Hell, even Vince’s own son Shane left WWE in the mid-2000s — but Taker always stayed. How many people can you say you’ve been loyal to for 30 years?
The Undertaker Called His Shot For WrestleMania 34 Two Years In Advance
In a neat little bit of foreshadowing, we catch up with Taker backstage at the 2018 Royal Rumble (in which Michelle McCool was competing), and he hypes up AJ Styles, sayin he wishes he could’ve worked with before retiring. Barely two years later, we get this dream pairing in a Boneyard Match at WrestleMania 34. Ask and ye shall receive, Taker!
WrestleMania 34 Was Ultimately Unfulfilling For The Undertaker
The final chunk of this installment of The Last Ride deals with Calaway getting himself ready to make a comeback/final(?) match against John Cena at WrestleMania 34 in New Orleans, inside the same arena where his streak (and his confidence) was shattered four years prior. We get some pretty impressive training montages, with Taker running the ropes and taking clotheslines and arm drags like he was 19 years old, with the help of recently released WWE Superstar Primo, of all people (mirroring fellow released talent Dash Wilder who was enlisted to get Edge back in ring shape for WrestleMania 36).
Now nearly a year removed from his match with Reigns, Calaway continues to be honest about himself and his performance:
“I was slow, I was old, I was overweight… I shouldn’t have been in the ring last year. Simple as that. It won’t happen again, you can bet that.”
As Mania 34 approaches, a slimmed-down, in-shape Taker speaks again of his legacy, mirroring remarks from the buildup to Mania 33, even going so far as to say, “There’s a good chance tomorrow’s the last time I make that walk and an important part of my life stops.” (Suuuure it does, Mark.)
His return match against John Cena is 1/10th as long as his main event with Reigns from the year prior, going a meager 2:45 — but in that time, Taker, to his credit, looked great. But despite the positive reception from the audience and those backstage, you can tell Taker isn’t happy, remarking that he prepared for a much longer match.
“Mission accomplished from what we set out to do. I had a lot more in the tank tonight. At the end of the day that’s what I wanted. Hopefully people are gonna wonder tonight, ‘Wow, what’s he gonna do next?’”
If you guessed, “Cash a check from a bloodthirsty Saudi Arabian prince,” congratulations, you win.
Next week on The Last Ride: We take a look at the disastrous Crown Jewel match between the Brothers of Destruction and D-Generation X. Hold onto your butts.
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