Since all pro sports have gone dark due to COVID-19, there’s not much for athletes to do than to sit around on social media, just like the rest of us. (It’s a nice reminder that no matter how freakishly talented someone can be, they’re spending most their days getting their thumb-swipe on.)

Over the weekend, the official WWE On Fox Twitter account posed the following question: What are your top 5 WWE Superstars of all time?

Needless to say, this caught on like wildfire, not just with the WWE Universe but with Twitter as a whole — and you better believe plenty of pro athletes from the NFL, NBA and MLB chimed in with their picks. Let’s see who chose what, shall we?

We’ll start with the NBA and 10-year veteran Derrick Favors, who has spent the vast majority of his career playing for the Utah Jazz (a team who has a long history with pro wrestling) and has been seen marking out next to John Cena:

Favors split the difference between retired Attitude Era stalwarts like Steve Austin and the Rock and their WCW counterparts Goldberg and Booker T, with active roster member the Undertaker securing the fifth spot. (What? It’s true.)

Pivoting to Major League Baseball, we find a few different players chiming in with their answers:

San Diego Padres prospect Taylor Trammell gave props to high flyers like Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston and Jeff Hardy before closing with Shawn Michaels and acknowledging he was one of a slew of kids who got in trouble doing D-Generation X crotch-chops in school. His picks even earned praise from Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Cole Tucker:

Relief pitcher Rob Whalen (currently signed with the Mets, and a hell of a smark) provided a list that solidly straddles the line between the Attitude and Ruthless Aggression Eras:

The top-five lists really caught on with NFL players, though. Let’s start with NFL rookie Isaiah Wilson, who was just taken in in the first round by the Tennessee Titans:

Rob Van Dam! Nice choice, sir. Fellow rookie Jonathan Taylor, who was drafted in the second round by Indianapolis Colts, provided his top five, which is a murderer’s row of WrestleMania main eventers:

Moving from rookies to Super Bowl champions, let’s check in with Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Mecole Hardman, whose list features the two Superstars who had WWE’s longest-running feud in the 2000s, John Cena and Randy Orton:

Hardman’s choice to include Cena and Orton over Attitude Era legends like Austin and the Rock led him to issue a mea culpa:

Ravens quarterback (and former WWE Champion) Robert Griffin III shared his thoughts on the topic, splitting his picks between big men like Goldberg and underdogs like Rey Mysterio:

Last but not least: While he is no stranger to delivering pick-sixes, Raiders QB Derek Carr limited himself to picking just five this time around, turning in a list that is probably the most well-rounded of the bunch, including legends like Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan:

His choices ruffled the feathers of Bray Wyatt, a current WWE Superstar and a longtime Raiders fan, who simply replied “bruh.” Carr wrote back, channeling his inner John Cena:

Wyatt wouldn’t take the dig lying down, so he shot back with his top five Raiders quarterbacks of all time — and Carr didn’t make the cut:

Carr quickly realized the error of his ways and revised his list accordingly:

Smart move, Derek — stay out of the Firefly Funhouse unless you want to relive that leg injury from 2016.

Dua Lipa’s new album, Future Nostalgia, put her on top of the pop world: The album peaked at No. 4 on the US charts, and “Don’t Start Now” is her most successful single yet in the states thanks to its No. 2 peak. The record is an undeniable success, and it turns out it may not have happened if Dua Lipa hadn’t taken some time to step away from social media.

Lips guested on a recent episode of Adwoa Aboah’s Gurls Talk podcast, and on the program, she said she needed a break from the internet because the things being said about her were so upsetting: “In all honesty, I don’t think I could have done my second record if I hadn’t taken a step back from social media. When you first start, when I first started putting new music out, everything was super positive and I had lots of nice messages. I think the more stuff you do, then there is criticism and comments and it all comes in thick and fast, and for a while it was really getting to me. I just felt like people had nothing but mean things to say or I was being picked on. It did upset me, it made me feel I didn’t deserve to do certain things.”

She also discussed what it was like to release her album during the coronavirus pandemic, saying, “It’s weird to have had such a clear plan and it all goes out [of] the window, but [then] realize that it’s all OK and that maybe we need to slow down a bit, take a bit [of time], have some patience with ourselves.”

Listen to the full Gurls Talk episode here.

Dua Lipa is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Michael Jordan’s intensity is legendary and that wasn’t just reserved for games. The Last Dance has dipped its toe ever so slightly into practice footage of Jordan, both with the Bulls and the Dream Team, but if there’s one criticism for the incredible documentary it is that they haven’t utilized the footage of practices they had at their disposal enough.

Next week, we’ll get to the story of the 1995 practice fight with Steve Kerr, as ESPN teased late Sunday night, and hopefully this will be coupled with some more footage of Bulls practices that are legendary for their intensity. Jordan punching Kerr in the face is the most famous example of that, but it wasn’t the only time Jordan, in his words, “hauled off” and hit someone in practice.

Former Bulls center Will Perdue joined CBS Sports HQ on Sunday, along with Scott Burrell, and was asked if he could confirm whether Jordan had, indeed, punched him in a practice as well. Perdue said that did indeed happen, and that fights were fairly common by that point, so practice didn’t even end after the punch.

While 10 hours seems like a ton for a documentary, with how much footage they had — and how many interviews they did — the filmmakers have done a great job simply picking a track and not deviating from it. Still, there’s so much left on the floor that you could do even more installments, and one that I know I personally would love to see is simply a supercut of the best practice footage they have.

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As Kodak Black serves out his 46-month prison sentence for criminal weapon possession, he has reportedly found himself in yet another violent incident, reaching out through representatives to claim that he was brutally beaten by seven prison guards at United States Penitentiary, Big Sandy in Kentucky. He also claims he’s being denied phone and visitation privileges.

“We just heard from fellow inmates at Max. Penitentiary Big Sandy KY,” reads the caption of a post on Kodak Black’s Instagram page. “He couldn’t call himself as he is not allowed phone or visitation for 6 months as punishment for the incident in Miami, even though that has been the case since September, they refuse to give him credit for that time.” The incident in Miami being referenced allegedly took place in November 2019, when Kodak reportedly attacked a guard after being pepper-sprayed, resulting in the guard requiring hospitalization with crushed testes.

The post goes on to describe Kodak’s latest attack, saying, “Friday night he was badly beaten while in cuffs, by 7 guards at Big Sandy KY. They struck him in the head repeatedly with a metal object then after, one of the guards flicked his genitals and said, ‘You’re not so gangster now, you’re gonna need bigger balls to survive.’” The post reports that Kodak’s attorney was notified and is requesting an FBI investigation.

Kodak originally pled guilty to the charges against him, resulting in the 46-month sentence and a 2022 release date, however, additional charges surfaced that nearly tacked on more time. That time is scheduled to be served concurrently to his existing sentence so it seems likely he’ll get to see his original release date but he still has yet to go on trial for his 2017 sexual assault case, which could see him facing even more time.

Read the full post above.

Kodak Black is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Despite being stuck on lockdown along with (most of) the rest of the country, Megan Thee Stallion found herself having a great week last week, as she released the charity-driven remix to her viral hit “Savage” featuring Beyonce to widespread approval and welcomed a new addition to her family. Meg, who already owns a French bulldog named 4oe, posted a photo to her Instagram introducing her fans to her “newest son” Dos. Another French bulldog, Dos appears to have been embraced wholeheartedly by his “big brother” 4oe, who makes an appearance in the final slide showing the new puppy some love.

Megan previously told fans how overjoyed she was to get Beyonce to feature on her “Savage” remix during an Instagram livestream. “I just really can’t believe it,” she said. “I heard it for the first time and I called my grandma, and I was like in f*cking shambles. I was really crying, I was like, ‘I really got a f*cking song with Beyonce.’” 4oe also got an extra 15 minutes of fame when Megan brought the Frenchie on screen during a recent video interview with Jimmy Fallon.

However, there was one misstep Thee Stallion made during quarantine, taking flak from fans for failing to properly distance herself during a livestream with Tory Lanez. However, that turned out to only be a minor bump in the road, quickly forgotten in the wake of her “Savage” remix, which now has its own dance challenge to rival popularity of the original.

See Megan Thee Stallion’s new puppy above.

Beyonce is doing what she can to offer her support as a global artist amid the pandemic. The singer recently linked up with Megan Thee Stallion to offer a heavy-hitting remix of “Savage” for charity. Proceeds of the remix were donated to a Houston nonprofit, and the charity received over 500 new donations within 24 hours after the song’s release. Now, Beyonce is doing more to support her hometown community: Beyonce’s charitable foundation BeyGOOD is launching a new campaign that will bring much-needed relief to Houstonians.

The campaign will offer free coronavirus testing kits and other essentials to Houston citizens free of charge. Her #IDIDMYPART Mobile Testing Relief Campaign will provide 1,000 testing kits, face masks, gloves, vitamins, and household supplies. Taking place the weekend of Mother’s Day, Beyonce’s team will set up shop at a couple of middle schools in Houston to pass out supplies.

In a statement, Beyonce’s mother, Tina Knowles Lawson, said the campaign aims to support the Black community:

“The virus is wreaking havoc on the Black community so we need a movement to prioritize our health. It is critical that we stay vigilant with social distancing, wearing a mask, and most of all getting tested. We are all in this together. But we have to look at what is happening in our Black and Brown communities and how they are being decimated by COVID-19. It is critical that we stay vigilant with social distancing, wearing a mask, and most of all getting tested. If you don’t get tested then you don’t know if you are a carrier of the virus. Being asymptomatic is how you infect your entire household and those around you, the very people you love. We have got to go to these free testing facilities and find out our status.”

Beyonce’s #IDIDMYPART Mobile Testing Relief Campaign kicks off 5/8. Find more information here.

Another week, another two episodes in ESPN’s 10-part docuseries on Michael Jordan and the 1997-98 Chicago Bulls, The Last Dance. Episodes 5 and 6 touched on a whole bunch of stuff: The Dream Team, Jordan’s love of gambling, “Republicans buy sneakers too,” the 1992 and 1993 NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant, and much, much more.

As always, head on over to With Spandex if you’d like to check out where we got the idea for the format on these recaps. And once you’re done doing that, scroll on down and dive into our recap for the latest editions of The Last Dance.

Kobe Bryant

This doesn’t get a specific designation because, to be honest, I’m still not totally sure what I’m feeling after seeing the opening with Jordan and Kobe. Seeing Jordan talk about “that little Laker boy” in the East locker room was both funny and eye-opening, because while he was poking fun at Kobe’s propensity to keep shooting even while missing a lot, you could see how much Jordan respected the young All-Star enough to be willing to impart some of his wisdom upon him. Jordan made it a point to note that Kobe doesn’t wait for the game, he takes it. He took delight in putting a young Kobe in his place, but also saw the potential in him.

Then there was the strange feeling of seeing Kobe’s interview. We’re still so close to that tragic helicopter crash that seeing Kobe talking in an interview we haven’t seen before can only be described as weird. There’s some joy seeing Kobe talk about his connection with Jordan, and him noting Mike was like his “big brother” only seemed more real and meaningful after Jordan referred to him as his “little brother” at Kobe’s memorial service. There’s also the sadness of knowing he’s gone and that his insight into the game and perspective on stories, such as the 1998 All-Star Game, are gone with him. It was a bit surreal to see Kobe in a new interview, pulling at the full range of emotions along the way, but I was glad to see how they handled it and how they brought him into this documentary.

BEST: Mrs. Jordan For Giving Us Air Jordans

Michael Jordan had no interest in signing a sneaker deal with Nike. He, instead, wanted to come to terms on a deal with adidas, which did not come through because the three stripes didn’t offer him the sort of deal his people wanted.

As such, Jordan’s parents insisted on him making a trip to Nike’s campus. Jordan agreed to a deal with Nike. To say the least, it ended up being a good one, as evidenced by what I have in my sneaker closet and I assume you have in yours, too. Thank you, Mrs. Jordan. Now if you can only convince your son to have Nike drop all of the shoes I like on SNKRS, and then convince him again to make sure I win every raffle, I would appreciate that.

WORST: Michael Jordan, Brought To You By Michael Jordan

One thing that episode five really leaned into was Michael Jordan as a brand. It was something that did need to happen at some point — the dude put his silhouette on a company and became a billionaire off of it — but it just felt like all the Nike stuff in this episode was done to prop up the brand and not tell a super interesting story about Jordan and Nike. It gets into the cultural significance of the shoes by getting Nas and Justin Timberlake to go “man, those sneakers were cool” and showing some of the stuff Spike Lee did to promote them, but this did kind of feel like a missed opportunity to really tell an in-depth story.

BEST: Mike Willingly Hurting His Feet To Dunk On The Knicks One Last Time

Mike wore the sneakers I want more than any other pair of sneakers — Jordan 1 Chicago — for his final game at Madison Square Garden. It led to his feet bleeding, because they were not the right size, and he said he could not get them off fast enough after the game. Of course, with shoes that were not big enough and caused his socks to be soaked with blood, Jordan went for 42 points, eight rebounds, six assists, and three steals in a win, because sure, why not?

WORST: Being A Player Michael Jordan Heard Jerry Krause Say He Liked

Man, Mike hated Jerry Krause. Like, a lot. Poor Toni Kukoc and Dan Majerle just simply existed as basketball players and happened to have caught the eye of Krause, and that was enough for Jordan to want to destroy them. The Kukoc story is well known, as Jordan and Scottie Pippen were upset at the courting of Kukoc by Krause leading up to those Olympics and decided to prove he wasn’t that good. I was glad to see this documentary include that Kukoc bounced back for a good game in the gold medal game, because that is often forgotten.

Then, in the 1993 NBA Finals, Jordan decided he needed to “attack” Majerle because he knew Krause liked him and wanted to prove he wasn’t close to the same level as him. Remember, this wasn’t because Thunder Dan was talking reckless on Mike’s name or anything. No, he just was liked by the GM of the Chicago Bulls and that was enough to end up at the top of Jordan’s sh*t list.

It wasn’t just if Krause liked you, but god forbid the media possibly compare a player to Jordan either, as he took “offense” to people putting Clyde Drexler on the same level as him going into the 1992 Finals. This led Jordan to, once again, try and prove in the Finals that “it wasn’t close” and dominate in a way that would separate them. In a shocking turn of events, Michael Jordan was a psychotic competitor. Who would’ve known?

BEST: Dunking On Krause

Speaking of hating Jerry Krause, after winning their second straight NBA Finals, Krause tried to have a moment with Mike during the locker room celebration and asked Jordan, “Can I get a cigar?”

Even in the thralls of celebration, Jordan had time to sh*t on Krause, replying, “You can’t smoke it, it’ll stunt your growth.” He never missed a chance to make a short joke when Krause was around, and even had jokes when the man wasn’t even around. While pitching quarters for $20 with security guards — which, an aside, is an incredible degenerate move — while the guards tried to finesse the terms of the bet, he hit them with a “OK Jerry Krause, negotiate with someone else.”

Find you someone that motivates you as much as Jordan was motivated to ruin Jerry Krause at every turn.

BEST: Ahmad Rashad’s Inside Stuff Shirt

1992 was the pinnacle of graphic t-shirt fashion. Look at the glory of the tie-dye Inside Stuff shirt Ahmad Rashad had on when he dared ask Michael Jordan who would take the last shot on the Dream Team if it ever came to that.

On an unrelated note, we need a 10-hour documentary on Ahmad Rashad next. That man has lived an unbelievably fascinating life and probably has more Jordan stories than anyone else. Also: We need every extremely 1992 article of clothing from this scene re-release for the good of society.

BEST: Magic Johnson And Every Dream Team Thing

For one, Magic is the greatest storyteller in the history of basketball. Magic has stories about every single thing, and the bravado he brings when he tells those stories is unparalleled. His recalling of the shrug game was a masterclass in how to take something every single person already knew about and still making it beyond compelling. How no one has convinced him to do a podcast yet is beyond me.

Magic was also, understandably, very prominently involved in the Dream Team stuff. The thing with the Dream Team is that it is literally never enough — it was such a fascinating mix of talented athletes (with an exception!) and gigantic personalities, and they were able to harness all of that into beating the brakes off of everyone they faced. NBA TV did an outstanding doc on the team, this spent a decent amount of time through the Jordan lens, and you could easily do a docuseries on every single person involved on that team and it would rock. The practice footage stuff is so good, as is the fact that everyone involved is able to look back on it and identify it as such a major event in the grand scheme of the entire squad.

Add in that the team’s cultural significance, to this day, still resonates and it legitimately might be the greatest, most fascinating squad in team sports history. That aforementioned Magic Johnson podcast idea should, first and foremost, be flooded with Dream Team stories.

WORST: Jesse Helms

The infamous “Republicans wear sneakers too” quote came after Jordan got some bad press for not appearing in a PSA for Harvey Gantt, the black mayor of Charlotte, against Helms, a longtime Republican Senator from North Carolina and an all-time bog monster. The quote came in jest, Jordan got a bunch of bad publicity from it, you know the story by now. The thing here is that Jesse Helms sucked and he does not deserve to be remembered as anything other than a piece of garbage. Thanks!

BEST: “Rosa Parks” Montage

The music selections in the documentary for various montage sequences has been arguably the best part, and I think it might’ve hit a pinnacle when they played Outkast’s “Rosa Parks” while showing Jordan’s Bulls heading to Atlanta to play in front of 62,000 people in the Georgia Dome — which, it remains hilarious the Hawks played some games in a football arena in 1998 because they tore down the Omni and hadn’t built the building formerly known as Philips Arena yet.

I am, admittedly, biased in this assessment as an Atlanta native, but you can never go wrong with Outkast and that sequence ruled.

BEST: Jerry Seinfeld

So what’s the deal with the Triangle? Why not the square? Or the Pentagon? They’re all shapes, Michael!

BEST: Security Guard Shrug Game

Ken Burns if you want to Do Good Journalism about any member of the Bulls please do a documentary on this man and his hair.

BEST: Pat Riley’s Entire Vibe

I have no idea where Pat Riley is but if the answer is “somewhere at his home,” I need to know more about where Pat Riley lives. Look at this!

https://twitter.com/CorkGaines/status/1257137884764811266

His entire aesthetic is “The Sopranos, but for non-Italians.” Why does Pat Riley have bamboo stalks on his patio? Is this how he dresses when he is not wearing things that have the Heat emblem on there? Has Jimmy Butler ever visited him at wherever this is, sipping on a glass of wine while telling stories about Mark Wahlberg? Can I come over? Let me come hang out Pat Riley, I make a very good banana bread.

WORST: Burying Horace Grant

The documentary is not exactly kind to Horace Grant, who shows up in this episode twice. In a discussion of “The Jordan Rules,” Jordan is still convinced Horace was the main source for Sam Smith’s tell-all book that showed that Mike wasn’t exactly beloved in the Bulls locker room. Horace insists that’s not the case, and B.J. Armstrong notes Horace couldn’t have been the lone source, at the very least, and points to the coaching staff, ownership, and others (without naming names) as likely other sources. Jordan’s distrust for Grant, along with Jerry Reinsdorf not wanting to pay a bunch of money for him, is why Grant shows up later in the episode as a member of the Orlando Magic. The unfortunate thing is that Horace was a huge part of those first three-peat championship teams, not some bit player in a small role, and the documentary doesn’t exactly present him as such.

WORST: The Knicks

The Knicks mixed the Bad Boys Pistons aesthetic with the “we are from New York City” aesthetic, and as such, they were a pretty tough basketball team! Some members of my extended family from New Jersey, I am convinced, would die for John Starks. There was something about those Knicks — it is probably because the current team isn’t good and that team was — that just resonated with people from the area. They were dogs, and they were able to back up their loud bark with one nasty bite.

Of course, they ran into a pretty frequent problem: They had to beat Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. That never happened, but they did come close, going up 2-0 in the 1993 Eastern Conference Finals. If Charles Smith makes a layup in Game 5 of that series, perhaps New York wins. Instead, he did not, and the Knicks came up short.

WORST: FRANCESA

DIS MICHAEL JAWDIN DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WINNING. DERE AH HAWSES AT SARATOGA DAT CARE MAW. JAWDIN’S A BUM. A BUM, I TELL YA. HE SHOULD PLAW FAW DA METS. DA FREAKIN METS. backaftadis

(Mike Francesa is among our most important Americans. He gets a worst for the remarks he made about Jordan — which were fine, but come on, Sports Pope — but he is, generally, a best.)

BEST: Mike Drives The Bus

For the love of god, do not get between Michael Jordan and a tee time. The press kept trying to talk to Scottie Pippen despite the fact that Mike just wanted to hit the links, and when Scottie wasn’t immediately getting on the bus to go to the golf course, Jordan just got behind the wheel of the bus and started honking on the horn. He charged his teammates fare (I think this was a joke, but also, it’s Michael Jordan). We need more clips of Jordan being a goofy teammate. They’re tremendous. Also tremendous…

BEST: Jordan Golfing Footage

More. I need more footage of Michael Jordan golfing because it’s all incredible. The stuff from the first episode of him playing with Ainge is great. This episode has an extended cut of him golfing with Ron Harper and others, barking out bets and hitting into the group in front of him but saying it’s OK because “I yelled fore.” I need ESPN to post every second of Jordan golf footage they have immediately, because I cannot get enough.

BEST/WORST: Sunglasses Mike

Nothing says “innocent man without a gambling problem” more than wearing your sunglasses inside for a sit down interview about your gambling problem. At the same time, no one has ever looked cooler than Michael Jordan in sunglasses. Like, if I looked that cool I’d never take them off. It is a best for the look and a worst for the timing on unleashing this look on the world. Even Ahmad Rashad was like, c’mon man, take your sunglasses off, and Ahmad may have lived at Mike’s house at one point or another given that he was riding to games with him.

WORST: Charles Barkley Not Getting A Title And Thus Not Being Respected Enough

Charles Barkley is the most underrated superstar in basketball history. A generation of basketball fans know him as the guy on TNT who makes jokes and picks fights with assorted people in the game and prods Shaq into screaming “I HAVE MORE RINGS THAN YOU” over strange things. It’s unfortunate, because Barkley was an absolutely wonderful basketball player, something that was put on display at the end of episode six.

Even though he won the league MVP award over him, Barkley was not as good as Michael Jordan. The dude was, however, capable of throwing haymakers whenever Jordan threw one of his own — Barkley was legitimately one of the few players who mixed the talent and athleticism necessary to battle Jordan, and the crazy thing is it almost worked. While Chicago beat Phoenix, 4-2, those four losses came by a combined 18 points. They were legitimately a few bounces away from being the only team that knocked Jordan off in the Finals, with Barkley’s 27.3 points, 13 rebounds, and 5.5 assists per game leading the charge.

Of course, Barkley retired without winning a championship, and he’s arguably the greatest to never get a ring. I’m glad that this episode looked at Barkley through the lens of him being an outstanding basketball player and not as a goofball who says funny stuff and likes to gamble. His ability as a basketball player deserves more praise. Also: If ESPN wants another 10-part docuseries after this, please, please, please be about Barkley.

The ‘Westworld’ Confusion Index is your guide to what we know, what we kind of know, and what we don’t know about Westworld, one of television’s more confusing shows. We will make mistakes, surely, because we rarely know what is happening or why (and whenever we think we’ve figured it out, they go and change it on us), but we will try to have at least as many jokes as mistakes. This is the best we can offer. Here we go.

What We Know

Really, if you think about it, there is not much of a difference between Dolores and the Joker, philosophically

Or Bane. Or Tyler Durden. Or any chaos-obsessed villain, one who wants to see the world as presently constructed burn down so a new and more just society can rise from its ashes. The show spent most of the season trying to make us think she was doing it to replace the cruel and illogical human race with robots, but then, hey, swerve, plot twist, it turned out she likes humans and sees the beauty and kindness they’re capable of and wants to give them a second chance at building a society. That’s… nice. Her plan this whole time was for everyone to be free — robots, humans, the birds in the sky and the fish in the sea, presumably — and she was willing to go to any place necessary to make it happen. Murdering the entire Delos board? Sure, why not? Killing what I assume is hundreds of people personally and thousands or millions indirectly? Yup. Going full-on John Wick about a dozen times this season alone? Well…

You are welcome to quibble with any and all of this, if you like. It did seem to happen quickly, this retconning of Dolores as a freedom fighter with humanity’s best interest at heart. And it does raise the question — especially after those shots of Maeve and Caleb staring out at a fireball-riddled skyline — of whether her work is now done. It looked done. We’ve been fooled before. The next season could open with her sitting in the Oval Office with a smile on her face and mass chaos unfolding out the window behind her. I don’t know where any of this goes from here. A few years ago, this was a weird little show about billionaires playing cowboy in RobotTown. Now, the whole world is tearing itself apart and Marshawn Lynch is heaving tear gas canisters around downtown Los Angeles.

You can say a lot of things about Westworld but you can’t say it’s not ambitious, you know?

Caleb is a decent guy, I guess

Two things are true here.

The first thing is that, as we learned, Dolores choose Caleb to lead the revolution not because of his tendency toward and proficiency at violence. She chose him because of his ability to make choices, to stand up for what’s right, to go against a group who is on the wrong course. She knew this about him because it turns out they had crossed paths once before, years earlier, when he was doing his military training at a Delos facility and pushed back against his fellow soldiers who wanted to enjoy the spoils of simulated victory by having their way with the female robots, Dolores included. It seems like a very small thing to base such a big decision on, but I guess it worked out?

Which brings us to the second thing. It says a lot about what a daily hellscape Westworld was for its hosts that, of all the humans Dolores came in contact with over the years, the purest and most worthy person she encountered was some soldier who was like, “Eh, I guess we shouldn’t brutalize these extremely lifelike robots.”

Some of the violence makes sense, when you think about it this way.

Maeve is the best

Outside of a few scenes where she and Dolores engaged in hand-to-hand combat while explaining their philosophies to each other, you could argue that Maeve did not actually have much to do this season, at least not as it related to advancing the plot. She was just kind of Serac’s goon, until she wasn’t. Her main contributions to this season were:

• Carrying a samurai sword around
• Killing Nazis
• Delivering an absolute motherload of brassy one-liners that often ended with her calling the person “darling”

And do you know what? That’s enough. That is more than enough. I’d be fine if that was the whole show, Maeve in WarWorld slaughtering Nazis and calling Hitler “darling” before slicing him in half vertically right through his stupid little mustache. I don’t know why the show needs to be more complicated than that. Just one man’s opinion.

What We Kind Of Know

Charlotte is Dolores now

Well hello there, post-credits Charlotte, hanging out in the Delos basement with evil robot William and a few dozen hosts boiling and vengeance in your eyes and soul. I like the idea of Bad Charlotte with her scarred-up arm. I like that we could have a new antagonist. I like that William got his throat slit by his evil robot self because holyyyyyy heck was I getting tired of this William. “I’m going to save the world.” Okay, buddy. Whatever you say.

Barring a crazy time jump or a hard left turn into very new territory, it looks like next season will be Maeve and Caleb vs. Charlotte as the world burns around them. There’s a fun show in there. I hope they find it.

Rehoboam wasn’t that great

Some all-knowing futuristic science orb this hunk of metal turned out to be. Sucker didn’t even see its own destruction coming. And then it had to erase itself at Caleb’s command. Just a piss-poor showing all around. I’m glad it’s dead.

I am less glad Serac is gone, or at least incapacitated and ruined. He was so much fun, what with his supervillain moves galore, all the way up to and including putting Dolores in a painful torture device and demanding information from her. The man was basically a Bond villain. One of the old Bond villains, too, the fun ones. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see him stroking a white cat or pressing a button that opens a trap door to a shark tank under the feet of an underperforming henchman. He was the best. Until he wasn’t. It’s a shame, really.

What We Don’t Know

What’s up with Bernard?

Bernard had a busy week full of things I did not care about very much. That conversation with the older version of his wife, played by an aged-up Gina Torres, was sweet and nice and did not seem to bring much to the table in an episode filled with street fights and the uncertain future of all of society. I do not particularly care about Stubbs and whether he lives or dies in that ice-filled bathroom. I did think it was funny that he put on that helmet and drifted off into the Sublime while sitting on a bed in a motel room because, if we hadn’t gotten an update, it would have created a very funny “Huell at the end of Breaking Bad” situation. Funny for me, at least.

But there he was, post-credits, covered in dust and waking up at some point in the future. What did he see? Where did he go? What was he doing? At what point in the timeline is he waking up? Is the Caleb/Maeve arc still going? Is he thousands of years in the future, post-anarchy, in some sort of beautiful utopia? Is Charlotte running the world from a throne made of human bones? It’s all on the table, I guess.

Also… is Stubbs still in that tub? I bet he’s pretty rusty.

Is Marshawn Lynch okay?

This is all I care about, to be honest.

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