Even before the planet was besieged by a highly contagious virus, many have joked, despairingly, about how perhaps we’ve been living in the worst timeline. Others have wondered if we’re stuck in a malfunctioning simulation à la The Matrix. As it happens, when Patton Oswalt went on The Joe Rogan Experience Tuesday to promote his new stand-up special, and, as caught by The Hollywood Reporter, the two wound up talking about the second possibility, with Oswalt wondering if maybe one of the first film’s most villainous characters might have had the right idea.

Rogan was the one who brought it up, saying the grim state of affairs right now has him wondering if we are being controlled by some artificial intelligence, which has been making things so cartoonishly awful in order to bring humans “deeper into the hive.” Oswalt took that idea and ran with it:

“What if the AI knows that eventually it does have to unplug us and let us see that we’re in the protein pods? ‘That’s going to freak them out, so let’s make this fake reality so fucking insane and awful. We’ll have Trump be president. We’ll have this virus.’”

In the original 1999 film, Keanu Reeves’ lowly computer programmer and hacker Neo discovers the reality he knows is a lie, and that the truth is that all of humanity is enslaved to computer overlords who keep them in pods, feeding them a collective dream that resembles our own (alleged!) real world. At one point, one of Neo’s new colleagues, Joe Pantoliano’s Cypher, turns turncoat, selling out our heroes to the dastardly machines so that he can be plugged back into the Matrix and obliviously live a fake but nice life where he can eat steak instead of slop. He’s a bad guy, yes, and his plan luckily didn’t work. But, Oswalt wondered, is he that wrong?

“There’s a very strong case to be made for Cypher’s character, like, ‘No. Plug me the fuck back into this,’” Oswalt said. “‘I’m nude with atrophied muscles, hairless in a jagged wasteland of radioactive slag, or I can be in this world where I have a nice job, where I eat a steak and marry someone … ‘Can I just live in this — I am fine with it. Morpheus, who the fuck are you helping?! Why are you dragging us out?! The machines aren’t trying to kill us.’”

Oswalt went even further, wondering if humanity was part of the problem to begin with. “’And by the way, you guys fucked up the earth. We’re doing the best we can for you guys. We could have just let you all die in the wasteland, but instead, we found a way so that you can live.’” He continued:

“People always miss that line where [Agent] Smith (Hugo Weaving) says, ‘You know, when we first did the Matrix, it was just flat-out paradise, and you guys couldn’t handle that and you rejected it.’ … Probably the first version of the Matrix, everybody could fly and orgasms lasted three months and you could just eat all the chocolate you wanted. And people were like, ‘No! I want a goddamn cubical job!’ And the machines went, ‘OK. I guess they want cubicles. Give ’em that. We tried to be nice.’”

Alas, we’re still all stuck in this reality, with a pandemic that won’t be going away any time soon, and which has, in fact, put production for the fourth Matrix on pause. We won’t have another Matrix any time soon, but at least we have franchise co-creator Lilly Wachowski winning the internet on Sunday.

(Via THR)

Not many comic book movies underperform in this superhero era, but one that did was Justice League, the DCEU’s attempt at their very own Avengers. The super-production ran into a lot of trouble, and the version that stumbled into theaters in the fall of 2018 was noticeably not long, misshapen, and anti-climactic. Since then calls for the “Snyder Cut,” which restores something like original director Zack Snyder’s vision, has been a nerd clarion call — and one that was belatedly heard Wednesday, when it was revealed that version would be making a belated appearance on HBO Max. Many were excited, not least of them Kevin Smith.

ComicBook.com reached out to the filmmaker and peerless comics super-fan to see how he was taking the news. And, well, he was predictably stoked. “So happy that Zack gets to complete his vision!” Smith told the site. “Many thanks to the folks at HBO Max for making this happen, but the passion of fandom is the unsung hero here! Congrats to all the #ReleaseTheSnyderCut folks for never losing faith!”

Also excited: two of its stars, Henry Cavill and Jason Momoa. Superman and Aquaman, respectively, both took to Instagram to celebrate news they had long publicly hoped would come true.

“Now, I know there have been two camps over the whole Snyder Cut thing and whether it will ever happen for a while,” the past and possibly future Clark Kent wrote. “Just remember, we all get to have more Justice League now, it’s a win win.”

Meanwhile, Momoa was so stoked he misspelled “you’re welcome.”

Of course, Smith, Cavill, Momoa, and everyone else will have to wait awhile; the “Snyder Cut” won’t be ready for the service until 2021. But when it drops there will be almost twice as much of it as there was in 2017, with a running time approaching four hours, the film divided into sections/episodes à la prestige TV. Considering how much footage from the trailers that never made the theatrical cut, a Justice League that’s longer than a single series of Fleabag seems about right.

There were many issues that plagued Justice League during production, not least being the tragic loss mid-shoot of his daughter Autumn, which caused him to drop out. He was replaced by no less than Joss Whedon, but he was unable to bring to the film what he’d previously brought to the first two Avengers outings. In any case, we’ll find out what happens next year.

By the end of the month, most of the states across the country will finally lift lockdown restrictions on restaurants and reopen for in-person dining in a limited capacity in some form. But due to the need to rehire staff, stock supplies, and extend staff hours to keep up with new and potentially costly sanitization standards, many restaurants simply won’t be able to stay afloat, especially after several months of losses on the books. According to Bloomberg, a recent industry forecast by OpenTable indicates that one in every four U.S. restaurants will go out of business as a result of the coronavirus quarantines, even after lockdowns have been lifted.

Restaurants that are part of the National Restaurant Association estimated a total loss of $30 billion in sales in the month of March alone and a loss of $50 million for the month of April. With only 75% of restaurants expected to weather the upcoming storm, expect your favorite local restaurants and small businesses to be hit the hardest. Conglomerates will have a financial firewall to protect them; one-off restaurants won’t.

The study by OpenTable surveyed 20,000 restaurants operating in OpenTable’s network in order to get a clear picture of the challenges that restaurants face countrywide as they reopen. It compared data from the 2019’s number of reservations to help explain just how dire the situation is. Despite being open for take-out, businesses are reporting a drastic drop in receipts, with recent reports from reopened states showing a decline of just over 70% compared to the year prior.

In an effort to offer some aid, OpenTable is providing resources to help restaurants navigate the reopening process and manage confusing new regulations (all of which are being implemented on a state-by-state basis). Gift card fees are also temporarily being waived so that restaurants can see greater profits. (It should be noted that while this shows some good faith on the part of OpenTable, their business model revolves around restaurant reservations and they have a vested interest in restaurants being able to open as quickly as possible.)

The resources offered by OpenTable include tools to set up online waitlists and systems for customers to be notified when their table is ready to avoid crowding, as well as an interactive app that will allow restaurants to visualize new social-distancing-accommodating floor plans and table layouts. But for the most part, the resources offered essentially amount to common sense advice like “spread the word on social media,” or tips for keeping work areas clean.

Unfortunately, the wave of damage to the restaurant industry is moving rapidly. Just last week, David Chang announced the permanent closure of two restaurants, Momofuku DC and Momofuko Nishi, explaining on his Instagram, “When we looked at the investments needed to make our restaurants the safest places to dine and work — new systems and personal protective equipment for our teams — it became clear that not all our restaurants would be able to bear those costs.”

According to Eater, where they recently asked “Is It Safe To Eat At Restaurants Yet?”, those costs will likely include diminished capacity, expenses connected to contact tracing, automation of certain parts of the user experience (to create a more “touch-free” experience, and rigorous cleaning efforts. For restaurants, operating on famously thin margins, that’s a lot to bear.

Mind you, David Chang has a Netflix show and is a seven-time Beard Award winner. If he’s closing properties, it speaks volumes of the difficulties independent businesses will face coming out of the shutdown. If ever there was a time to order takeout and buy gift cards from the restaurants you love, this is it.

One of the final scenes in The Last Dance featured Michael Jordan expressing his dismay in Jerry Reinsdorf after the Chicago Bulls’ owner laid out why it wasn’t feasible for the team to run it back during the 1998-99 campaign. As Jordan explained, he would have signed a one-year deal if the opportunity presented itself, and he believed that everyone else would have came back on similar contracts if they were presented to them.

Instead, Jordan opted to retire, Phil Jackson left the team, and the remainder of the franchise’s core was broken up. It turns out Reinsdorf was not a fan of Jordan’s take on how things played out, according to an interview he gave to K.C. Johnson of NBC Sports Chicago.

“I was not pleased. How’s that?” Reinsdorf said. “He knew better. Michael and I had some private conversations at that time that I won’t go into detail on ever. But there’s no question in my mind that Michael’s feeling at the time was we could not put together a championship team the next year.”

Reinsdorf recalled a conversation he had with Jordan in which he got Jordan to agree to waiting to make a decision on a retirement, as Reinsdorf wanted to try and convince Jackson to return as head coach — Jordan had made it clear he would not play for anyone other than Jackson. When those efforts failed, Jordan ended his time in Chicago, but even beyond that, Reinsdorf believes it just would not have been possible to get everyone back and have a good basketball team.

“Scottie had Houston offering him a multi-year contract,” Reinsdorf said. “You think he would’ve turned that down to come back for one year? I don’t think so. Dennis Rodman had gone beyond the pale. As it turned out, he played 35 games after that (in his career). Luc Longley was on his last legs. If we had brought that team back, they were gassed. Michael had been carrying that team.”

It is important to stress that weird things happen in lockout-shortened seasons — the Eastern Conference’s representative in the NBA Finals that year was the eighth-seeded New York Knicks — and perhaps there was a path forward on such a shortened timetable. Instead, that did not happen, and the Bulls’ dynasty came to its conclusion.

Ruby Rose shocked fans of The CW’s Arrowverse when she abruptly announced that she’s exiting Batwoman, which leaves the series without a title star. Despite a brief statement from Rose where she called the decision “difficult,” the reason for the actress’ departure was not disclosed at the time. However, new reports are shedding lights on what led to Rose exiting the role, and from the sounds of things, it wasn’t exactly a surprise on the production end.

According to TVLine, Rose’s decision may not have been a completely amicable decision between her and the studio. The actress was reportedly not wild about the long, demanding hours of shooting The CW series after coming off of two other action roles in John Wick: Chapter 2 and The Meg. Rose’s reported struggle to adapt to the working hours led to difficulties on set:

“It wasn’t 100-percent her decision,” concedes a source close to the show. “It was a breakup. She wasn’t happy working on the show, and did that make her fun to work with? No. So everyone decided it would be in the best interests of the show, and for all concerned, if they parted ways. It just wasn’t a good fit.”

TVLine’s reporting also jibes with Variety‘s sources who also say that there was “friction on the set” due to Rose’s displeasure with shooting the series, and all parties agreed it was best that she go. But losing the star of the show hasn’t deterred Warner Bros. and Berlanti Productions from moving forward with a season two:

“Warner Bros. Television, The CW and Berlanti Productions thank Ruby for her contributions to the success of our first season and wish her all the best,” the two companies said. “The studio and network are firmly committed to Batwoman’s second season and long-term future, and we — along with the show’s talented creative team — look forward to sharing its new direction, including the casting of a new lead actress and member of the LGBTQ community, in the coming months.”

So far there are no names attached as a possible replacement for Rose, but Brooklyn 99 star Stephanie Beatriz wasted no time throwing her hat into the ring on Twitter within minutes of the news hitting.

(Via TVLine, Variety)

With the future of live music feeling uncertain, The Weeknd offers fans some consolation. The Weeknd’s touring plans were put on hold following the release of his most recent record, After Hours, which arrived shortly after many states entered emergency safety measures. Thankfully, The Weeknd was able to sort out new arena dates and has officially unveiled his newly-rescheduled After Hours world tour.

The Weeknd made his exciting tour reschedule announcement Tuesday. Kicking off his lengthy stadium tour in Vancouver and coming a close in Germany, the singer will be supported by Sabrina Claudio, Don Toliver, and Black Atlass.

Check out The Weeknds’s rescheduled After Hours tour dates below.

06/12/21 — Vancouver, BC @ Pepsi Live Rogers Arena
06/13/21 — Vancouver, BC @ Pepsi Live Rogers Arena
06/15/21 — Edmonton, AB @ Rogers Place
06/17/21 — Winnipeg, MB @ Bell MTS Place
06/19/21 — St. Paul, MN @ Xcel Energy Center
06/21/21 — Chicago, IL @ United Center
06/24/21 — Detroit, MI @ Little Caesar’s Arena
06/25/21 — Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena
06/27/21 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena
06/28/21 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena
06/30/21 — Montreal, QC @ Centre Bell
07/02/21 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden
07/04/21 — Uncasville, CT @ Mohegan Sun Arena
07/06/21 — Newark, NJ @ Prudential Center
07/07/21 — Washington, DC @ Capital One Arena
07/09/21 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center
07/12/21 — Charlotte, NC @ Spectrum Center
07/13/21 — Atlanta, GA @ State Farm Arena
07/15/21 — Miami, FL @ AmericanAirlines Arena
07/16/21 — Miami, FL @ AmericanAirlines Arena
07/19/21 — Orlando, FL @ Amway Center
07/22/21 — Houston, TX Toyota Center
07/23/21 — Dallas, TX @ American Airlines Center
07/25/21 — Denver, CO @ Pepsi Center
07/27/21 — Salt Lake City, UT @ Vivint Smart Home Arena
07/29/21 — Portland, OR @ Moda Center
07/30/21 — Tacoma, WA @ Tacoma Dome
08/01/21 — Sacramento, CA @ Golden 1 Center
08/03/21 — Oakland, CA @ Oakland Arena
08/04/21 — San Jose, CA @ SAP Center
08/06/21 — Anaheim, CA @ Honda Center
08/08/21 — Glendale, AZ @ Gila River Arena
08/10/21 — San Diego, CA @ Pechanga Arena
08/13/21 — Los Angeles, CA @ Staples Center
08/14/21 — Los Angeles, CA @ Staples Center
08/15/21 — Los Angeles, CAvStaples Center
08/18/21 — San Antonio, TX @ AT&T Center
08/19/21 — Ft. Worth, TX @ Dickies Arena
08/21/21 — Tulsa, OK @ BOK Center
08/22/21 — Omaha, NE @ CHI Health Center Omaha
08/24/21 — St. Louis, MO @ Enterprise Center
08/25/21 — Nashville, TN @ Bridgestone Arena
08/28/21 — Cleveland, OH @ Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse
08/29/21 — Buffalo, NY @ KeyBank Center
08/31/21 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena
09/02/21 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden
10/04/21 — Stockholm, Sweden @ Ericcson Globe
10/06/21 — Copenhagen, Denmark @ Royal Arena
10/09/21 — Oslo, Norway @ Telenor Arena
10/11/21 — Hamburg, Germany @ Barclaycard Arena
10/13/21 — Antwerp, Belgium @ Sportpaleis
10/15/21 — France, Paris @ Accorhotels Arena
10/16/21 — France, Paris @ Accorhotels Arena
10/17/21 — France, Paris @ Accorhotels Arena
10/19/21 — Amsterdam, Holland @ Ziggo Dome
10/22/21 — Birmingham, UK @ Arena
10/24/21 — Manchester, UK @ Arena
10/25/21 — London, UK @ The O2
10/29/21 — London, UK @ The O2
10/30/21 — London, UK @ The O2
10/31/21 — London, UK @ The O2
11/03/21 — Newcastle, UK @ Utilita Arena
11/05/21 — Cologne, Germany @ Lanxess Arena
11/08/21 — Czech Republic, Prague @ O2 Arena
11/09/21 — Munich, Germany @ Olympiahalle
11/11/21 — Berlin, Germany @ Mercedes-Benz Arena

After Hours is out now via Republic. Get it here.

If nothing below suits your sensibilities, check out our guide to What You Should Watch On Streaming Right Now.

The 100 (CW, 8:00 p.m.) — The 100 kicks off its final season tonight with Clarke and the core group of survivors trying to negotiate a peace in Sanctum after revealing the truth about the Primes and throwing the planet into chaos. Elsewhere, Bellamy and Octavia are kidnapped through the mysterious Anomaly and it’s up to Echo, Gabriel, and Hope to save them.

The Masked Singer (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) — The three finalists compete for the golden mask trophy and, one-by-one, their identities will be revealed, including the winner.

Motherland: Fort Salem (Freeform, 9:00 p.m.) — Raelle, Abigail, and Tally graduate from basic training as Alder considers testing the unit with a high-stakes rescue mission.

What We Do in the Shadows (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — Nick Kroll guest stars tonight as the vampires welcome an old frenemy into their home when he falls on hard times. The undead club scene just isn’t what it used to be, guys.

Patton Oswalt: I Love Everything (Netflix) — If you’re looking for a comedy escape from the lackluster TV offerings, head on over to Netflix because Patton Oswalt will be there and ready to make you laugh in his new stand-up special. UPROXX chatted with Oswalt about the show’s weirdness and how it eschews any pandemic jokes for lighter fare, something we could all use a bit more of right now.

Dreamville’s Revenge Of The Dreamers III is over a year old at this point, but that isn’t stopping the label from continuing to support it with new videos. The latest, “Don’t Hit Me Right Now,” only features two members of the label proper, Queens rapper Bas and Inglewood’s own Cozz, while highlighting a bunch of the talent that was on display during the legendary Atlanta recording session, including Compton’s Buddy, The Bay Area’s Guapdad4000, and Decatur’s Yung Baby Tate.

Directed by Tyler Sobel-Mason, the video does away with gimmicks and storylines for a straightforward take on the posse cut, shot from either extremely low or extremely high angles as the collected artists rap straight into the camera. The frame also plays with perspective by using zooms and other in-camera tricks to heighten the feeling of dynamism as the rappers riff on the topic of ignoring calls in favor of hard work.

“Don’t Hit Me Right Now” is the third video from the album after Cozz, Reason, and Childish Major’s “Lambo Truck” and Ari Lennox’s “Bussit,” while it’s also the first video from the deluxe “Director’s Cut” of the album that dropped earlier this year.

Watch Dreamville’s “Don’t Hit Me Right Now” video above.

As the coronavirus pandemic continues sweeping its way through the world, public health officials everywhere are scrambling to figure out the most effective ways of mitigating it. One of the measures that’s proving to be helpful is universal mask-wearing. Though wearing a cloth mask doesn’t offer much protection from getting the virus, it does prevent you from spreading the virus—which you may be carrying and not know it—by catching droplets as soon as they leave your mouth. That means we can significantly slow the spread of the virus in public places, but only if everyone wears a mask.

Though the idea is simple, it would be wrong to say that wearing a mask is easy for everyone. As a commenter on one of our recent posts about mask policy protester pointed out, masks can be extra challenging for people with autism or other sensory issues—but that doesn’t change the public health reality of the pandemic.

“My son has autism and lots of sensory issues,” wrote Joan Dukovic. “He’s having a real hard time wearing a mask. I could probably get a medical exclusion from his doctor, but I wouldn’t dare!! He will have to learn to deal with it. I’ve raised him to be a responsible citizen, which sometimes requires sacrifices.”

“Today we were buying some plants at an outdoor vendor,” she continued. “He let me put his mask on him and wore it as we shopped for about 15 minutes. Then he wanted to take it off. We were nowhere near anyone else, but I gave him the choice of wearing it or going to wait in the car. He chose the car. Which is where this woman belongs, in my opinion. We’re all in this together. If you can’t wear a mask to help keep others safe, stay home! Order delivery. Kindness matters, especially when it might keep people from getting sick or dying!!!”

Upworthy/Facebook

Upworthy reached out to Dukovic to learn more about her and her son’s unique perspective and experiences. She is a single mom to her 30-year-old son, Chris, who has severe classic autism and is functionally non-verbal. Dukovic mentioned that her son is prone to meltdowns, which can include yelling and physical aggression. She claims it’s been difficult getting him to wear a mask in public. But she knows it’s important to teach him to do it anyway.

“When I first realized that he would need to wear a mask, I knew I would need to help him develop the skills and tolerance he’d need,” Dukovic says. “That’s basically what we’ve been doing for his whole life whenever a new challenge presents itself.”

She consulted with her network of friends—her “village” she calls it—and got some great ideas. Some were using visors for their adult children, but Dukovic knew that would also be a challenge for Chris because of his sensory difficulties.

“But I totally believe in him, and he believes in himself,” says Dukovic. “So, we’re doing it incrementally. I started by wearing a mask in his presence but not asking him to try. Then we had a graduation drive-by parade where I knew his peers would be wearing masks. Before we left the house, I told him everyone would need to wear their masks if they got out of their cars. And we tried it out, but he wouldn’t put one on. But when we got to the meeting place and he saw friends wearing them, he agreed and let me put one in him. Peer pressure at its best!”

Joan Dukovic

Dukovic says that she believes Chris will build up a tolerance to mask-wearing over time. “I’m not sure how much he understands about the virus,” she says, “But he knows germs can make us sick. And he knows it’s important to be kind and respectful to others.”

“I believe in the Golden Rule,” says Dukovic.”I believe we all have a responsibility to look out for each other. This virus is highly contagious, and a lot of transmission involves pre- or non-symptomatic folks. People are suffering and dying from it. If my son and I can do something as simple as wearing a mask, I believe it’s our civic duty. And, well, it’s really not simple for my son. Not at all, but he’s still a member of society with the same responsibilities as all citizens.”

The same responsibilities as all citizens. That truly sums it up. This is an act of collective solidarity we’re being asked to participate in to protect our fellow Americans. What could possibly be more patriotic than making a sacrifice for the greater good of your country?

For the folks who resist wearing a mask even though they are perfectly capable of doing so, Dukovic has some advice:

“I guess my message to anyone thinking about not wearing a mask is to think hard about your decision. Think about the essential workers and all the nurses and doctors and people on the front lines. Think about the vulnerable older population in nursing homes who would most likely die if one of their caregivers brought the virus into their facility. Think about them gasping for breath, alone and scared. Ask yourself, is it more important to be ‘right’ or “‘free’ or ‘comfortable,’ or is more important to be kind and considerate in order to prevent the suffering of others and possibly save someone’s life? If my son can do it, anyone can do it. And should.”

Well said, madam. And well done raising a responsible citizen who can serve as an example to others.

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