Previously on the Best and Worst of WWF Raw Is War: Mr. McMahon guaran-damn-teed that he’d defeat Stone Cold Steve Austin and win the Royal Rumble, and sure enough, here we are. Oh, and The Rock turned Mick Foley’s head inside out with a steel chair.

If you haven’t seen this episode, you can watch it on WWE Network here. Check out all the episodes of classic Raw you may have missed at the Best and Worst of WWF Raw Is War and Best and Worst of WWF Monday Night Raw tag pages. Follow along with the competition here.

Hey, you! If you want us to keep doing retro reports, share them around! And be sure to drop down into our comments section to let us know what you thought of these shows. Head back to a time long forgotten when WWE TV was fun to watch, and things happened!

And now, the Best and Worst of WWF Raw Is War for January 25, 1999.

Best: Be My Valentine

Stone Cold Steve Austin copes with the reality of Vince McMahon’s Royal Rumble win by going to Shawn Michaels’ house, getting as drunk as humanly possible, and setting up a satellite feed so he can get the disgraced Commissioner to drop some WrestleMania booking loophole bombshells. I don’t know if Austin and Michaels are actually drunk here, but if they aren’t, they’re doing the best acting work of their careers. Austin’s eyes are glazed over, and Michaels looks like he’s a good song away from putting a lampshade on his head and doing his little Shawn Michaels dance on the bar. They also look like the blue collar husband and sarcastic wife on every sitcom.

Anyway, Vince McMahon opens the show with a funny bit about how The Rock woke up in a cold sweat not wanting to face him at WrestleMania, so he’s filed paperwork to remove himself as number one contender, reserving the right to choose his replacement. That’s when Austin calls in using the Coors Light satellite, and Michaels explains that the Jack Tunney Memorial World Wrestling Federation Rule Book states that if the winner of the Royal Rumble is unable or unwilling to go to WrestleMania, the runner-up gets to do it instead. That means Mr. McMahon totally just Andre’d himself and figuratively vacated the WWF Championship by selling it to the Million Dollar Man. Austin, knowing all too well how to play Vince’s fragile masculinity like a fiddle, is willing to put his now legally binding WrestleMania spot on the line against McMahon in a steel cage match at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre: In Your House. Vince begrudgingly accepts, which we’ll later find out is due to an absolutely absurd plan and trust in one of the least trustworthy characters in wrestling history.

That’s not the only dramatic challenge in the first hour of this week’s Raw, however. It’s one of THREE.

Best: The Heat Is On

Mr. McMahon also uses the opening segment to decree that his promised $100,000 reward for the Royal Rumble elimination of Stone Cold Steve Austin will go to The Rock, whose valuable “LEAVE THE RING AND FIGHT ME YA PIECE’A MONKEY CRAP” gestures caused the distraction that allowed McMahon to eliminate Austin and win the match. Much like Denny from The Room, Vince promises that he’ll have Rock’s money and it’ll be here in a few minutes.

Mankind, wearing what might as well be a full-sized pillow between his leather mask and his swollen brain, decides to plan an Oceans 11-style heist to steal the money. Read: he walks up to the guards and punches them in the face. With the sack of money in hand, Mankind interrupts a Rock promo to explain how him “quitting” at the Royal Rumble was just someone playing the audio of him screaming “I quit” on Sunday Night Heat. Michael Cole is having an out of body experience realizing an unconscious man who did not give up after 10 chair shots could not excitedly scream “I QUIT” into a microphone multiple times after an 11th while lying motionless, face-down, in a pool of his own blood. Foley wants a rematch, and hopes to get it by throwing small handfuls of the Rumble bounty prize into the crowd.

Not wanting to see $100,000 of his evil boss’ money be redistributed among the people, Rock agrees to the rematch. It’ll be an empty arena match, quarantine-style, during halftime of “The Big Game.” Rock should be fine as long as he avoids any forklifts outfitted with magical floating cameras.

Worst: [Extreme Donald Trump Voice] Chyna

Speaking of The Big Game, the third challenge of the night comes from Triple H. H heard The Rock say he could beat anyone on the roster in an “I Quit” match and calls his bluff, setting up a random “I Quit” main event for the night. I’m not sure why H would want to challenge this dude after watching him turn Mick Foley’s head and a steel chair into a mortar and pestle, but all right.

Before we can get to that, we need to talk about Kane (2011, dir. Lynne Ramsay). If you’ve been following along with the vintage Best and Worst of Raw you’ll remember how Kane doesn’t necessarily want to be a Corporate puppet — presumably he’d rather go hang out with his brother the undead necromancer and play Satanic Murder Cult — but if he gets out of line, they send a bunch of orderlies after him and take him to a mental institution. Earlier in this same episode, Shane McMahon brings out Kane to berate him for going into business for himself at the Royal Rumble. X-Pac showed up to get Kane’s back and offer him a spot in D-Generation X, but Kane, a victim of manipulation and abuse for his entire life, chokeslams him and watches the boss’ dipshit son ride him like a pony in the corner.

By the end of the main event, Triple H is kicking The Rock’s ass. He hits a Pedigree in the ring, rolls Rock out onto the floor, hits a Pedigree on the floor, and then rolls Rock up onto the announce table. This brings out the Corporation with an apparently kidnapped Chyna — better to get kidnapped by a bunch of front office assholes than the goth cult, I guess — and Kane threatens to chokeslam her and “break her back” if H doesn’t give up. H, fooled into having sympathy for the one person who’s been there for him the past two years, quits to save her. Afterward he tries to fight Kane instead, which of course leads to this:

If you’ve ever wondered why Triple H’s character can be so callous and distrusting, or why he went from being a fun-loving dork who sprays boobies with Super Soakers to being the CEREBRAL ASSASSIN AND KING OF KINGS who RULES THE ATTITUDE ERA WITH AN IRON FIST or whatever, here you go. Chyna punches him in the balls, revealing that sometime between the Corporate Rumble and now she’s fully thrown in with The Corporation, and that he lost his best-to-date chance at the WWF Championship because he cared more about HER than winning. NEVER AGAIN.

Two months later this decision would cause Triple H to betray his friends and join The Authority for the first time, signaling that the Connecticut blue blood who’d found fellowship and fan support in joyous juvenility has sold his soul to the company store for an easier, more selfish path to the top. It ends up being a Russian nesting doll of opportunistic career growth. I was going to say it “lasted” 20 years, but honestly we’re still in the middle of it.

Worst: The Blue Age Outlaws

If you’re wondering what D-Generation X stalwarts The Road Dogg and Bill Ass are up to while all this is going on, they’re tasked with introducing the WWE Universe to everyone’s new favorite character: Bluedust.

To recap, Goldust stole Al Snow’s mannequin head, Head, and gave it Goldust paint. He lost a match for possession of Head last week, but kept it anyway, because they don’t actually enforce stipulations here. That’d be crazy. This week, Billy defeats Goldust when “Bluedust” appears, reclaims the Head, and hits Goldust with it. Michael Cole, king of the subtle story beat, raises his voice two octaves and yells, “Hey, it’s Bluedust! It’s Bluedust! You know who that is, King? You know who that is? From the JOB Squad! That’s Blue Meanie!” Lawler’s response: “Goldust is wrestling and Bluedust comes down and takes the gold head and hits Goldust … I don’t get it!” Nah man, I think you’ve got it.

Later in the episode, Road Dogg teams up with Al Snow to defend the Hardcore Championship, a singles title, against Edge and Gangrel in what the announcers call a “Hardcore Tag Team Championship match.” Sure. They end up fighting to the back and into the women’s bathroom where the Godfather’s Hoes are loitering, then up onto a stack of production crates positioned suspiciously alongside a bingo hall table. Yeah guys, all four of you should go stand up on one crate and hug each other, that’ll look like a real fight.

Bluedust appears and returns Head to Snow, which Snow uses for a gentle strike that somehow sends all four men plummeting a whopping foot and a half onto the table below. This is one of those ideas that probably sounded great on paper, especially if you’ve done enough cocaine to forget how wrestling works and that human beings have mass.

After the match, Dogg and Snow’s celebratory interview is interrupted by a 4-on-2 attack from The Acolytes, Mideon, and the artist formerly known as Mabel, now wearing an enormous trash bag as clothes. This is followed by the HILARIOUS reveal that The Undertaker has a massive, custom-made “symbol” throne with blue mood lighting and FLAMING BRAZIERS set up right around the corner and nobody noticed while they were brawling by. Real talk, The Ministry would be considered one of the dumbest things that ever happened in wrestling if The Undertaker wasn’t already a tenured star when it started. The difference between The Ministry and the Dungeon of Doom is popularity and about two feet of leader.

Best, Then Worst: No More Corporate Boners Ever

Corporate team members Ken Shamrock and Big Boss Man have a Regularcore Tag Team Championship defense against Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett. That wouldn’t be a problem, except Shamrock and Boss Man have functional penises, and Hart and Jarrett are managed by Debra, Mistress of the Distraction Boner. To counter this, the champs go to the Corporate authority on not being attracted to women: Pat Patterson. Pat’s solution, with an assist from Gerald Brisco, is saltpeter, aka potassium nitrate, commonly used in in fertilizers, gunpowder, tree stump removal, rocket propellants, processed meats, and fireworks. A real spice of all trades. Patterson makes them drink it based on an old wives tale about how it’s supposed to ease uncontrollable horniness. This should not be confused with saltpepa, which is rumored to cause you to aaaah, push it.

The funniest part? It works. Here’s Debra getting up onto the ring apron to distract Shamrock with an open blouse, going so far as to remove her ENTIRE BLAZER, but Kenny’s like [looks down at junk] nah I’m good.

It’s all for naught, however, because even a scrotally focused Corporate Team can’t avoid the ongoing “who is the Blue Blazer” story and they fall victim to a Blazer run-in and guitar shot. Except, uh, there’s something different about the Blazer this time around …

Yes, folks, meet The Black and Blue Blazer (their words, not mine), the short-lived WWE return of Owen Hart’s former High Energy tag team partner Koko B. Ware. Given how he’s covered in feathers and running around flapping his arms like a bird, Koko’s a better natural fit for the Blazer anyway. There’s no herbal remedy for getting hit in the face with a musical instrument, so Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett are your new WWF Tag Team Champions.

Remember: the only way to truly neutralize a wrestler managed by Debra McMichael is with a loaded Halliburton.

Another Great Decision From Val Venis

Let’s recap Val Venis’ WWF career up until this point:

• he hooked up with the child bride of a Japanese businessman and almost got his penis cut off for it, then dumped her and sprayed her with a Super Soaker “penis” full of “cum” when he realized she liked him and wanted to be his girlfriend
• he hooked up with Goldust’s wife in an attempt to socially and emotionally manipulate him and dumped her when she told him she was pregnant and wanted to be his girlfriend, causing him to be repeatedly attacked and humiliated by a girl gang

So after two instances of fucking with people he shouldn’t be fucking with and getting hurt for it, Val zeroes in on the hot sister of the easily enraged MMA championthat routinely snaps and injures people, a beloved henchman of the evil company owner and best friends with the disgraced prison guard that likes to handcuff people and beat them to death with a stick. GOOD CALL, VALERIE.

This week, Val debuts his new “video flick” entitled Saving Ryan’s Privates. Except I guess you can’t write the word “privates” on a Raw graphic in 1999, so the title on the screen is Sister Act. Ryan, alongside images of hot dogs and drills going in, is helpfully billed as “Ken Shamrock’s Sister.” You’ll be shocked to read this, but Val’s match with Test ends with Ken Shamrock showing up with a chair and brutally attacking Val. Crazy, right? Billy Gunn Assquire makes the save, but the very smart Val assumes BILLY is the one who hit him with the chair, and not the batshit brother of the girl he cast in a porno without learning her name.

Hilarious Worst: Animal Cracker

In a match that only a Saudi Arabian prince could book, a 61-year old WWE Hall of Famer loses to a former football star in 47 seconds.

The Oddities bring hirsute sexagenarian George ‘The Animal’ Steele to the ring — not exactly the king of workrate in his prime — and then totally abandon him when Droz shows up and is like, “I WANNA KICK THIS OLD MAN’S ASS.” Steele, wrestling in sunglasses with blue lenses to keep him from being completely blind, gets in some light, immobile old person offense before getting distracted and doing his signature “eating” of the turnbuckle pad. He can’t actually tear it with his teeth anymore, though, so he just gives up and starts yanking on it. It happens to everybody when they get old.

The part of this I really enjoyed is that after 30 years of wrestling, someone finally “cracked the code” for how to beat George Steele. When he’s eating the turnbuckle pad, just walk up behind him and smash his head into the now exposed turnbuckle. Voilà!

Droz was the Legend Killer before it was cool.

And Finally

Terri Runnels leverages the fact that D’Lo Brown caused her to have a miscarriage to get him to go into a Walgreens and buy her tampons. It’s not worth mentioning aside from the fact that D’Lo is upset and embarrassed when the Walgreens clerk knows who he is. After a year of telling people to “recognize,” D’Lo has discovered his greatest fear: being recognized.

Next Week:

The WWF Championship is on the line in an empty arena at halftime during The Big Game®, Mr. McMahon goes barhopping in rural Texas trying to find Stone Cold and almost gets shot, and D’Lo Brown learns some concerning information about Terri Runnels’ fake pregnancy. All this and more when Raw rolls on, next week!

Andy Shauf released his highly-anticipated concept record The Neon Skyline at the beginning of this year. While each of the songs on his eleven-track record flows smoothly, there were a handful of other tracks that didn’t make it on the original record — 39, to be exact. Shauf has now shared one of his The Neon Skyline demos exclusively through Amazon Music.

Titled “You Slipped Away,” the newly-released demo stands out on its own. In a statement, Shauf described how he rediscovered the “forgotten” song: “‘You Slipped Away’ was an early demo during The Neon Skyline sessions, but as the album storyline evolved, this song lost its place in the narrative. I’d forgotten about it until fairly recently, and realized it sort of worked on its own.”

Ahead of sharing the new track, Shauf chatted with Uproxx about how his old-school influences informed his songwriting on The Neon Skyline: “I was kind of getting tired of just framing songs around love. I was like, ‘Okay, I’m going to sit down and I’m going to write a song about a guy who gets mugged.’ And that was the first song that I made that was intentionally a story about someone. That was a different kind of rewarding experience, so I just kept digging away at that, and seeing what I could do with stories. Eventually, it was like, Oh, you can connect these stories,’ rather than just putting a bunch of one-off stories together. Now, I’m obsessed with doing that.”

Listen to “You Slipped Away” below.

The Neon Skyline is out now via Anti. Get it here.

The Weeknd’s hit single “Blinding Lights” has fared well on the charts in the US, as it just returned to the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100 for its third week at No. 1. The song has also spent multiple weeks at No. 1 in the UK, but it lost the crown this week to a track from a new artist. The musician who went No. 1 over The Weeknd is probably surprising to anybody who doesn’t have the full context: “Blinding Lights” was knocked off the top spot by the debut single from Captain Tom Moore, a 99-year-old war veteran.

It’s a sweet story: Earlier this month, Moore had the goal of walking 100 laps around his yard before his 100th birthday on April 30, with the hope of raising £1,000 (about $1,234) for the United Kingdom National Health Service (NHS). His feat went viral in the UK, and he ended up raising over £28 million (about $34 million).

After his rise to fame, he partnered with Michael Ball and the NHS Voices Of Care Choir to cover the Rodgers And Hammerstein classic “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” Fans had been trying to get the song to top the UK charts before Moore’s birthday, but the track faced a tough challenge from The Weeknd.

However, The Weeknd implored his UK fans to help the cause and to back Moore’s cover, writing on Twitter, “everyone in the UK please support @captaintommoore / @mrmichaelball single so this incredible 99 yr old war veteran, walking for the British National Health Service @NHSuk & now raised $35 Million can have a No 1 for his 100th birthday in the UK!We’re routing for you. XO!” Moore was appreciative of the support, responding, “My goodness, how gracious of you @theweeknd. Benji [Moore’s grandson] tells me you’re rather talented and very popular! What a kind gesture. Thank you!”

Sure enough, the numbers are in, and Moore managed to beat The Weeknd, as his song sold 82,000 units, which was better than the 69,000 sales “Blinding Lights” racked up.

Upon hearing the news, Moore tweeted, “We are NO.1? Really? @mrmichaelball to be part of a number one song, it’s out of this world, truly amazing! #TomorrowWillBeAGoodDay #YoullNeverWalkAlone.” He also spoke with BBC Radio 1, expressing his excitement about his achievement and his gratitude for The Weeknd’s assist.

On top of all that, Guinness World Records reported today that Moore’s walk set the new world record for the most money raised by a charity walk. Moore responded to that achievement, “What a way to finish the week @GWR. It’s simply wonderful and all for such a good cause. The NHS staff and the volunteers are the real heroes & they continue to do such a magnificent job THANK YOU!”

Watch the video for Moore’s No. 1 single above.

The Eredivisie, the Netherlands’ top soccer league, has officially canceled the remainder of the 2019-20 season, becoming the first major European league to do so. The Netherlands’ second division season has also been canceled.

The league stated that the current standings will remain final, although no champion will be crowned this year. This means that Ajax, who were level on points with AZ Alkmaar but led on goal difference, will miss out on their 35th Eredivisie title. The results also mean that Ajax and AZ Alkmaar, as the top two finishers in the Dutch league, will enter UEFA Champions League qualification for next season. The Dutch champions typically are guaranteed a spot in the next season’s Champions League competition, but because next season remains in flux as well, Ajax will have to first qualify.

The next three teams in the league, Feyenoord, PSV Eindhoven and Willem II, make up the Europa League spots. Additionally, no teams will be promoted or relegated this season due to its premature conclusion.

As Goal reported, the Dutch FA will have to send its decision to UEFA to be ratified before May 25.

Originally, Dutch soccer matches were suspended beginning the weekend of March 13 with the plan to resume play on April 6, but when the Netherlands’ prime minister extended a ban on major public events until September, the Dutch Football Association’s decision was made. Many sports leagues across the world are contending with the effects of the novel coronavirus and are considering playing behind closed doors, but that was not an option for the Eredivisie. Prime Minister Mark Rutte stated that soccer without fans would not even be able to happen until September at the earliest.

Last month, UEFA announced that Euro 2020 would be postponed to next summer, although the name will not be changed to Euro 2021. The Bundesliga is set to return in Germany on May 9, and games will be played without fans and limited staff. La Liga is targeting a date in June to resume its season and the Spanish league’s plan includes daily coronavirus testing for players, much smaller practice sessions, and the implementation of other strict health protocols. It remains to be seen how other top-tier European leagues like the Premier League, Serie A, and Ligue 1 will proceed.

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Of all the characters on FXX’s breakout hip-hop comedy Dave, the heart and soul of the show is arguably the fast-talking, indefatigable GaTa. GaTa is show creator Dave Burd’s — aka Lil Dicky — hype man both on the show and in real life after a chance meeting at the studio leads to an off-kilter kinship that often casts GaTa as Dave’s externalized, irrational confidence. While Dave believes he’s destined for rap greatness, GaTa functions as both his mirror and his mouthpiece, broadcasting the type of stereotypical hip-hop boastfulness that seems silly coming from the awkward, neurotic Dave. And when Dave himself falters, it’s GaTa who blasts him back to reality or finds a way to “gander” and “wiggle” the group into position to win.

GaTa is a naturally charismatic motormouth both on the show and in real life, but in the show’s fifth episode, we find out that his gift of gab comes with a price: There are times he’s liable to “ramp up,” going into full-blown manic episodes that need to be regulated with medication. He tearfully reveals this information to Dave’s merry band of misfits, finally feeling that he’s found a home, with a team of forgiving weirdos who understand and accept him. The moment was a breakthrough, both for the show’s GaTa, the real-life GaTa, and for the show’s audience, who realized that Dave wasn’t just funny; it could get tender, with genuine human moments that showed the heart behind the laughs.

Uproxx found out just how charming GaTa really is by phone, as we discussed the importance of Episode 5’s revelation, the acceptance the show has found from people who never expected to be Lil Dicky fans, and the lessons GaTa’s learned behind-the-scenes of the rap game after making the shift from artist to hype man and back again.

The natural starting point feels like Episode 5: “Hype Man.” It was an important episode to me personally because I have bipolar people in my family. What was the process of shooting that episode and what has the reaction been?

First and foremost, man, I want to say I’m glad that my story touched you and connected with you. I really appreciate that. As far as the process goes, I had to sit down with Dicky because it’s his TV show, it’s based around him. And he came to me with the idea like, “Yo, I want to share your story.” At first, I was against it because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to put it out there because there’s such a heavy stigma around bipolar and mental disorders, especially in the Black community. It’s nothing that we really speak on, on a day-to-day basis. But just having the support system that I had, my manager, Mike Hertz, and Dicky, my mom, and my sister, they were behind me and they were very supportive. And they also let me know that I would be helping people. So that’s what ended up making share my story and the process.

What’s the reaction to the show itself been like? Because a lot of people, I think took a minute to sidle into it and figure out what was going on. And then once they saw it, almost universally the thing that I see people saying is, “Oh, GaTa, GaTa, GaTa, GaTa.” Like, “GaTa makes this show.” So what have been some of the positive reactions that you had to the show and do they surprise you in any kind of way?

Yes. Most definitely. The reaction has been crazy. It’s been phenomenal. And the first like couple of days out there so far — it was overwhelming. I didn’t know that I was going to touch that many people. I’m still getting messages, and DM’s, and emails to this day like, “Oh man, episode five changed my life. I’m bipolar, my mom bipolar.” Or they got whatever mental challenges they face. It touched a lot of people. As far as the reaction: My fan base is growing, a lot of media outlets reached out to me, and a lot of people been writing a lot of positive things. But the most positive thing that I got out of this besides the fame and besides the success and the kudos and all that, is just touching people.

What was the backpack salmon thing about?

They just tied it into real life. I’m always known for trying to be over-the-top and exotic. And I always try to just be myself and try different things. That’s why I pulled the salmon out my backpack because I’m a heavy seafood lover.

How do you not laugh at Dicky? Because he’s funny. He’ll say something and I’ll be like, “Man, now how does he get away with doing this stuff with a straight face?”

Oh, yeah. He was born to do this man. He’s just a natural as far as comedy, he’s always cracking jokes out. I’ll be around him a lot. So I know how to hold my composure. Because you got to think about it, I just been in places where he doing interviews live on the radio station and he just say the funniest thing ever and I can’t even laugh because it’s recorded live on air. So it’s like, I know how to hold my composure. But he a real funny dude.

There’s going to be a scene I’m excited for from the promos where he’s going to show how good he is at basketball. He’s a great basketball player. I see him all the time at the celebrity basketball games in LA. I’ve never seen you play. So I just want to know whose game is nicer, yours or Dicky’s?

I’m going to be honest, all the way 1000. He’s better than me, period, in basketball. It’s not even about being athletic, me being athletic or whatever, me being tall. He just really got game. He just knows the fundamentals of basketball. He’s a great shooter, he got speed, he can go any side. He a good player.

He’s a shooter.

He’s a shooter. Absolutely.

So in doing all of this, I think it’s exposed some people to GaTa from back in the day, back when you were doing joints with Tyga like “Exquisite” or “Blow Up Big.” I would really love to know how did you define “making it” back then, how do you define it now, and do you feel like you’ve made it by either of those criteria?

“Making it” back then was knowing how to market yourself and know how to make money off yourself. So back then, I figured out how to do that. That’s how I was able to collaborate with Tyga, whoever I worked with back in the day. I knew I would position myself and keep myself hot. As far as making music and making money, I’ve considered I made it back then. But once you make it and you get to a certain level, you want to keep striving for more. So once I tasted a certain level, I wanted to just keep going up. And now I consider myself making it because I’ve done something that I’d never thought I would be able to do, which is acting and being on a television show and leading like a main cast in a supporting role.

So, I consider myself making it because I took a step outside the box. I was known for music, I was known for traveling the world, rocking stages, being a hype man. Now I’m a supporting actor in a show. So I consider myself making it on both levels, back then and now. Because I took a break too for a while. After the music died down, I had to find myself, I had to reinvent myself. I had to keep recording music, I had to go through stuff: A lot of challenges, a lot of family issues. And then I met up with Dicky and I reinvented myself, my train of thought. I’ve developed more patience as an artist, as a businessman. And if you asked me today, am I making it now, I’m going to say yes. I made it back then and I made it now. I just made it bigger on another level like I wanted to do.

Absolutely. You know that’s crazy, is we actually just published an article on UPROXX about how Dave and Atlanta are pretty much the only two shows I’ve seen ever in my entire life that give a semi-accurate representation of what trying to get in the music business is actually like. I really wanted to just see how accurate was the scene where you and Dicky meet at the studio?

It was pretty similar but not to the T, because it is television. But I definitely did meet up with Lil Dicky at a studio. I definitely did listen to his music. We got to vibe out. But it wasn’t exactly how I met him. But I think they did a great job on giving you the perception of how it is being in the music industry, when it comes to collaborating with other artists, and reaching out to other artists, and going through somebody else’s homeboy’s auntie’s mama’s cousin who you think number you got. They did a great job because that type of stuff go down in the music industry. Like a text message can change your life, or you bumping elbows at a club just because your homie gave somebody $40 just to gander to get in. That’s how the industry is. They did a great job just by showing you that. And I appreciate Dicky even showing people this much game. It’s real.

Dave airs Wednesdays at 10pm on FXX. Watch it here.

Previously on Total Bellas: The twins took a trip to Mexico and their dad took a turn for the sleazy when he referred to them and their stepmom as triplets.

Was There Anything About Wrestling On This Week’s Episode Of Total Bellas?

Yes! Daniel Bryan returned and his WWE schedule is a part of the subplot about Brie’s car getting stolen from their driveway while he isn’t there.

It looks like Brie and Bryan will address their marriage issues more seriously again next week, but here they just buy a huge amount of security equipment because Brie’s freaked out about being home alone with a small child. She also says that Bryan being on the road so much makes her feel like a single parent sometimes, which could seem like an exaggeration for the cameras, but is how the kids of multiple wrestlers have described how they grew up, even if they have a good relationship with their wrestler parent now. That note might make it seem like this was another episode that tried to address some serious problems, but don’t worry, this one just focuses on very dumb and fake problems!

Non-Essential Drama

After a weirdly heavy start to the season, this week’s episode of Total Bellas ditches the somewhat concerning family drama for the tried and true reality show staple of manufactured-feeling family drama that makes almost everyone involved look like a maniac.

The first storyline to which we’re introduced is the conflict around the family photo Kathy wants taken for her birthday, which she does not want to include Artem. She wants “something timeless” and for some reason, Nikki and Artem’s relationship doesn’t seem timeless to her! She must not have been convinced by them publicly announcing their couple-hood with a dance video set to this song.

As if this wasn’t enough, Nikki faces further persecution from her family when her brother JJ accuses her of the crime of Aunt Favoritism because she spends more time with Birdie than she does with JJ’s kids. There’s some armchair psychology justification in there that it’s not really about Aunt Favoritism, but about his issues from being the third wheel to a set of twins all his life. This is understandable but doesn’t make this man’s sniping at Nikki seem any less ridiculous. Both JJ and Kathy act like the antagonists of r/relationships posts this week.

The storylines converge at a family photo photoshoot from one of the windier regions of hell. The Garcia-Bella-Laurinaitis-Danielson clan attempts to enact Kathy’s genius plan to take the real photo secretly before Artem gets there, then a fake one with him after he gets there, and then Kathy will just put up the fake one when Artem’s over, I guess. Artem, a man in his late thirties who is by far the most chill person on this show, could not possibly understand she only wants well-established family members in the photo! (He ends up understanding very easily.)

The Bellas are late, it’s too windy to take a good photo, Nikki and JJ yell over each other about her aunt misdemeanors, and when Artem gets there JJ just immediately reveals the scheme to him in an act of revenge. It’s all very stupid, but it’s the type of fun stupid this franchise is built on.

Non-Essential Business Of The Week

This week’s scene settings included a smorgasbord of non-essential businesses and the most exciting one to learn about was MALIBU WINE SAFARIS. Artem, Kathy, and Nikki spend a morning here for their resolution scene, which includes the mother and not-yet-son-in-law bonding over Artem faking out Nikki with a non-proposal. More importantly, this is a place where you get to drink wine and be driven around in an open-air vehicle to look at giraffes and stuff. This is a genius business idea. In an alternate universe, a stupider version of me just might be protesting coronavirus safety restrictions with a sign that says “I need to go on a wine safari!”

Bella Lines Of The Week

This was not a great week for one-liners aside from Brie still calling barbed wire “bob wire,” but there was a very cute scene of Nikki letting Birdie do her makeup and get her like halfway to sad French clown. Say what you will about Nikki, but she does seem like a top-notch Fun Aunt.

John Laurinaitis Compliment Of The Week

This time around, the compliment is from me. Props to Johnny Ace for just showing up for the family photo disaster scene in a magenta shirt that matched his wife’s pants and not participating in any drama! Although John Laurinaitis’s voice (he is truly America’s Honma in that regard) would have elevated that scene even further, so I hope he gets more involved in dumb stuff on this show in the future.

Tiger King was the most-watched title on Netflix (and therefore, probably the most-watched title of any series in the country) for a record 25 days. The story of Joe Exotic, Carole Baskin, and a bunch of very large cats was not only an intriguing one, it also came out at the right time, which is to say, a very bad time for going outdoors. But Ricky Gervais, who has his own Netflix show, thinks there’s another reason you can’t go two conversations without someone asking, “Oh my gosh, have you watched Tiger King?”

While discussing the “surreal” world we live in, where “being odd is what’s normal” and not every doctor looks like George Clooney, Gervais told Deadline that “everyone in that is madder than the last. You may not meet those people, but they’re out there. There are millions of them.” The After Life creator used Tiger King as an example.

“The thing about that is, when the first person says, ‘Can I keep a tiger?’ The answer should have been, ‘No, of course you can’t, that’s mental. It’s 500 pounds and it eats people, of course you can’t keep a f*cking tiger.’ So how on Earth did they get to there being more captive tigers in America than in the wild? That’s how many people there are that are like that…”

In other words, the world is full of oddballs, and we (so says Gervais) are fascinated by them, especially though the distance of a Netflix docuseries. He’s right. The only zookeeper I want to meet in real life is Kevin James, thank you very much.

(Via Deadline)

Popularity is a fickle thing, both in real life and online. When it comes to viral clips online, sometimes things are instantly clear they will be big, while others build slowly. Things happen all the time that go unnoticed, only to be unearthed much later by the masses. Further still there are little secrets known by a small group that get stumbled upon and reintroduced for a wider audience to embrace in a new way.

Apparently that last part is happening to old Jeopardy! clips right now, as two notable viral moments from the show’s recent past have gotten new shine as life in quarantine continues. Viral moments of smart people failure are nothing new, but seeing old clips of said moments pop up much later is a fascinating revisitation of game show history. The first came on Thursday, in which a moment of contestant interaction between Alex Trebek and Susan Cole went viral once again.

In the clip, Cole’s nerdcore hip-hop gets roasted by Trebek as for “losers,” and the new tweet alludes to Trebek’s battle with Stage IV cancer as a reason he simply doesn’t care about hurting others’ feelings. The clip is taken a bit out of context, as the actual interaction doesn’t end as abruptly and Trebek generally isn’t nearly as cold-hearted as he appears here. But the moment from the Oct. 12, 2016 episode has lived on far longer than Cole’s win on the night and the $67,800 she won over three games.

Its reappearance on Thursday seems to have sparked a resurgence of Jeopardy!-related moments hitting the timeline once more. We already know new episodes of the show are running thin, and reruns featuring Ken Jennings (which I certainly lobbied for) are on the way. But on Friday, in the middle of the dang NFL Draft, ESPN’s SportsCenter Twitter account tweeted a two-year-old video clip of contestants missing an entire Jeopardy! category on football.

The moment is fairly infamous in the Jeopardy! world, which is why for some this feels quite old. In fact, the moment actually inspired a new Jeopardy! football category, one that Trebek wrote and actually included drawings he did of signals officials make during games.

None of this is as old as the clip that circulated on Thursday, which happened in 2016 and seems to pop up online every few months or so. But it does show that people are extremely bored these days, and any sort of joy or comedy, no matter how dated, is worth another watch or two these days.

“Quarantine Kit” features interviews with our favorite actors, musicians, chefs, athletes, and artists about their personal methods for killing time, staying fit, and keeping social distance during isolation.

Matt Healy is lead singer and guitarist for the Grammy-nominated rock act Trivium. The band recently released their highly-anticipated album What The Dead Men Say, produced by Josh Wilbur, and planned on a massive North American tour this summer, now postponed. Despite Heafy’s comfort performing in-front of thousands of fans, he also enjoys the slow pace of life quarantine demands. We caught up with him over the phone from his home in Florida this week to chat about how he’s been spending time.

“Being on the road as often as I am I have gotten used to building my own schedule,” says Heafy. “The typical rock musician workday is 90 minutes tops, so there is a lot of dead time, which is why a lot of guys get into bad habits. On the other side, if you are smart and regimented, you can make your day into anything you want.”

STAYING TONED: Standing Pull-Up Bar (check online here)

So usually when I am not confined in my house, I do jiu-jitsu four times a week, yoga two times a week, and then weights about twice a week. I remember one day I was flying back from Europe and I saw Creed during the trip. I saw the kind of shape that Michael B. Jordan got into and was inspired to hit the gym even more. I started thinking about what I was never really that good at. I was never too big on pull-ups, so I bought a standing pull-up bar and make sure that I do sets of ten all day.

The circuit that I usually do is ten pull-ups, ten push-ups, ten kettlebell deadlifts, ten squats, ten calf raises, ten superman, and ten leg lifts. I also do Ashtanga yoga, the bottom series on Tuesday and the top series on Thursday. I do a lot with my wife as well, who has been trying to get back into training after having the kids.

STAYING ENTERTAINED: Chernobyl (watch on HBO here)

In the past, my wife and I really tried to watch only happy television shows and movies, but since the world has changed the way it has, we have since shifted our tune to watching programs like Tiger King and Chernobyl. Before we had been flying through shows like 30 Rock and Parks & Rec. Those shows are great because they allow you to truly disconnect and shut off your brain fully. But we are also liking the darker shows now because they allow us to put things into perspective. I mean at least things aren’t that bad.

I think what made it even more intense while watching the first episode of Chernobyl was the fact that it kind of plays like how I feel like this current pandemic is playing out. A bunch of people in power trying to downplay what is really going on. I was watching the last episode and thinking that at least I wasn’t living through them.

STAYING CREATIVE: Twitch

It’s tough that we had to cancel our tour. That is really killing me. But at least we get to communicate with people online for free, and I am still streaming on my Twitch pretty much every day. I am usually doing a lot of Trivium play-throughs for the fans and then I will also do covers that come in as requests. I even have played through some of the albums, as a way to make up some of the dates that we canceled. I am a high anxiety person, but it is calmed by knowing that I have a lot to do. That is why I like holding myself accountable for a schedule.

STAYING PLUGGED IN: Overwatch

Overwatch is my favorite game right now. That was the first one that I started streaming, I jumped into Fortnite for a little bit, but I found that the skill gap just became too much. There are 12-year-olds who are just gaming all day that are better than the pros. So Overwatch is still my go-to, and I’m better at it than anything else too. I really enjoy the Battle Royales. And this one I can play after taking a break, and still manage to stay competitive. I play games towards the end of the day, once I am done with playing songs for the fans. I usually end up playing with people from the channel, set up some 6×6 matches, and get going.

STAYING HEALTHY: Peloton

I recently got a Peloton, and to be able to bike on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is really great. I think for those people who are able to manage their schedules, figuring out what you can do from home is really helpful, and can be applied once we all move past the quarantine life.

Check out Trivium’s new album “What The Dead Men Say” here.