There’s only one Matthew McConaughey, but within Matthew McConaughey lies many personalities. There’s rom-com McConaughey, poetic-sounding nonsense McConaughey, McConaissance McConaughey (you can tell it’s him when he’s thumping his chest or singing about the ladies of Tampa), and naked McConaughey, of course. On Monday, we were introduced to a new McConaughey: “Bobby Bandito” McConaughey.

The Oscar winner adopted a cowboy persona to teach people how to build masks, which are now mandatory in public places in many cities in his native Texas. “You can call me Bobby B,” he says in the video above, adding that “it’s high time to catch this killer [coronavirus], ’cause we got more livin’ to do.” Is there a “WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE” poster for the coronavirus? You better believe it. McConaughey explained (kind of) where the idea for Bobby Bandito came from on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

“He’s gotta be a bandit to beat a bandit. He’s gotta be a little shady to beat this shady guy,” he said. “I was out hiking on our property and came across this guy nailin’ a Most Wanted sign into my tree. I said, ‘What are you doin’ on my property?’ He turned around and said, ‘I’m Bobby B. You never see me coming.’” McConaughey, who also recently hosted a virtual bingo game for senior citizens, then made a bandana mask with Colbert.

Finally, The Dark Tower sequel we were promised.

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Daniel Cormier’s body has taken a constant beating over his illustrious combat fighting career. From Olympic-level wrestling to high-level MMA and a lifetime of weight cutting, the injuries have mounted, including his well-documented back pain.

So when his nutritionist suggested trying CBD, Cormier was cautiously optimistic that the product could help extend his career. The former UFC champion began using CBD products ahead of his fight with Derek Lewis in New York, where he famously took the bout on short notice.

“I relied on the product to help get me there,” Cormier said in an interview with UPROXX Sports. “I took that fight on three weeks. Three weeks into a fight camp, I’m so sore I can barely walk down the stairs. I give a lot of credit to the CBD product to get me where I am and able to defend the title in New York.”

Now, as a member of the cbdMD team, Cormier is ready to continue fighting at a high level at the spry age of 41 years old.

“The group of guys on the cbdMD team, Tyron Woodley, Rampage Jackson, Michael Bisping, they’re guys whose word I trust. Michael Bisping’s word means something to me. He wasn’t trying to sell me on something that wasn’t helping him become a UFC champion late in his career. He was certain this was the product for me that it would put my mind at ease and made me even more comfortable,” Cormier said. “Since I started taking the product, I’ve been able to rest more, I’ve gotten better sleep and I’ve recovered better. These products can extend the career if that’s what you’re looking to do. It allows you to recover, train better and sleep better. For me, it’s been in the recovery. It’s allowing me to be at ease and take the edge off. “

Training better is of utmost importance for Cormier, who is working toward an eventual return bout against UFC heavyweight champion Stipe Miocic.

“There’s some dates, but nothing is guaranteed. I’m waiting for this whole thing to be settled, waiting for normal,” Cormier said. “I think at this point, you take everything one at a time. I’m not a young guy anymore. I’m a guy who needs to focus on the task at hand, and that’s Stipe Miocic for right now. Other than that, we’ll see what happens.”

For the former UFC heavyweight champion, a a third fight against Miocic is more than just a another shot at a title. Cormier’s loss to Miocic in August 2019 gave him just his second loss of his career. With a third fight against Jon Jones unlikely, this could be his only shot at redemption.

“When you lose to a guy like Stipe Miocic, he beat me and I need to go get that right. If I don’t get that right, I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. It’s a sucky proposition for a guy like me who’s as competitive as I am,” Cormier said. “When you’re a guy like me, who has done so much in this sport, every time you set foot in the Octagon, your reputation as one of those guys in (the greatest of all-time) conversation is on the line. You can go from being surely one of those guys and the next moment you’re an afterthought. I can’t stress enough how important it is for me to be so focused on this fight and this fight only.”

There’s no current return date for Cormier-Miocic III, but early estimations originally predicted sometime in the summer. That could be pushed into the fall as the UFC scrambles to make up other postponed cards.

As the coronavirus pandemic remains ongoing, James Corden, like other late-night hosts, in continuing to put on an at-home edition of the show. On last night’s The Late Late Show, he was joined by Liam Payne and Alesso, who shared a quarantine video they made for the collaboration, “Midnight.” Before that, though, Corden chatted with the pair, and he asked Payne about some potential upcoming activity from One Direction.

Corden mentioned that this summer will mark the group’s tenth anniversary and asked, “Are there plans afoot for you guys to do anything special to celebrate this milestone?” Payne answered, “I’m not allowed to say too much, obviously, because I’d be giving it away. But we’ve been speaking a lot more at the moment. I think that we’re all feeling that that ten-year [anniversary] is a very special moment.” He also noted that he has spoken with Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson recently and added, “Yeah, it’s been really nice, it’s a nice moment.”

While the group’s members have moved on to their solo careers, they haven’t entirely left One Direction behind, as Harry Styles proved recently when he performed one of the band’s hits.

Watch Payne and Alesso on The Late Late Show above.

Warner Bros.’ Dune recently revealed a first look at Timothée Chalamet in Denis Villeneuve’s epic reboot, so get ready for more. This project, of course, arrives decades after David Lynch famously had his name removed as director of the 1984 film, which sputtered into cinemas after Alejandro Jodorowsky’s 1970s take failed to materialize. Now, an expansive Vanity Fair feature drops even more looks at the cast. At this link, you can see Oscar Isaac, Zendaya, Jason Momoa, Josh Brolin, Rebecca Ferguson, Javier Bardem, and more as Villeneuve reveals that this movie will only explore the first half of Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel. So, we’ll see a Chapter Two at some point, with details to be further announced. That might not be 100% wonderful news for Chalamet, whose experience with the costuming aspects in this movie sounds not-so-enjoyable.

To capture the feel of the dust-dry planet of Arrakis, Villeneuve and crew shot outside Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates. So, temperatures were above 100 degrees Fahrenheit at all times, and while we’ve got no sandworm details here, Chalamet’s costume talk sounds not unlike what we’ve heard from actors who play superheroes in MCU and DCEU movies. It sounds like those life-sustaining “stillsuits” from the book (which are designed to help preserve human moisture) worked the opposite way on set:

“The shooting temperature was sometimes 120 degrees. They put a cap on it out there, if it gets too hot. I forget what the exact number is, but you can’t keep working… “In a really grounded way, it was helpful to be in the stillsuits and to be at that level of exhaustion.”

Generally these days, costumes like the one Chalamet is describing come with cooling systems, although there’s no telling if that was the case on Dune. Even if that type of system existed here, though, it’s easy to imagine that shooting in the desert would be a grueling experience. And Chalamet’s role as protagonist was probably challenging enough, given that Paul Atreides is gifted with some supernatural touches, and he’s uprooting from a lush home planet to the bone-dry Arrakis, where House Harkonnen has no room for House Atreides moving in on the spice-mining market.

The Vanity Fair photos do reveal a gorgeously-shot set and cast, although it’s slightly disappointing that we’re not seeing Stellan Skarsgård as the monstrous Baron Vladimir. As Skarsgård told Uproxx last year, his role was heavy on the prosthetics. “It says in the script that he weighs 300 pounds, and I can’t gain that much weight and survive,” he gamely told us. “So they’re creating a body that they will have to glue on me. It will be prosthetics all over.” That’s gonna be something to behold, alright.

Dune will also star Dave Bautista, whose character is still under wraps, but hopefully, we’ll see him before the movie’s planned December 18 release.

(Via Vanity Fair)

Quibi, the new streaming service from Jeffrey Katzenberg and Meg Whitman, launched a week ago and will steadily drop new TV series and movies-in-chapters. Even though the service’s premise seems simple — quick bites of content in 10-minutes or less — that doesn’t make the continued roll out less confusing. We’ve dug into whether Quibi’s worth it and also looked at the best-and-weirdest-looking projects (including revivals) that the service has to offer. Aside from the comedies, cooking shows, and sports-related offerings, you might be wondering whether the flagship horror project from Evil Dead maestro Sam Raimi lives up to its pedigree by offering genuine scares, or not.

A bite-sized series begs for a morsel-sized evaluation, so here we go: so far, I’m really liking 50 States Of Fright! Granted, Quibi’s playing things close to their sleeve by only releasing a few episodes to critics at a time, so I can’t predict whether the whole season (of an anthologized series that dances though different directors and actors for each story) will be consistently excellent. However, the show from Gunpowder & Sky’s horror brand, ALTER, makes a strong start with the Michigan-based “Golden Arm” story, which should get folks in the door for more.

This is a brutally efficient story. The whole thing takes place over roughly 30 minutes. Done and done. And if this story’s any indication of what’s to come, the show’s taking its Quibi niche seriously. Sam Raimi’s not simply branding his name as producer onto this project. He also directs “Golden Arm” (and co-writes with his brother, Ivan Raimi), which acts as a cautionary tale to those who’d like to see a fairy tale come to life.

The basic setup here has a ball with the trope of horror characters making objectively dumb decisions. We’ve got a married couple, Rachel Brosnahan (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel) as Heather and Travis Fimmel (Vikings) as Dave, doing those stupid things. She’s the toast of their small town, and he’s placed her on a pedestal, which includes digging himself into a hole to support her expensive tastes. As narrated by Andy, who’s portrayed by John Marshall Jones (he’s everywhere now, from The Curse of la Llorona to Bosch), Heather and Travis sprint head-first down a dangerous path.

I don’t want to spoil this story, but the title itself reveals that there’s a golden arm, front and center. That makeshift limb comes into existence through the weaving of a twisted fairy tale, and let’s just say that the Raimis have mined the terrifying depths of human weakness to get there. Dreams come true at a terrible price and deliver an ultimate warning that will stick with the viewer. Further, the story gives and takes in all the right places and somehow accelerates and winds down the story with a pitch-perfect pace. It’s damn fine stuff and the right amount of scary, even while delivered onto smart-phone dimensions. The bite-sized concept also allows the three chapters to end at chilling moments, when I genuinely looked forward to seeing what was to come.

However, the manner in which Quibi’s releasing 50 States Of Fright is, well, complicated to describe. The structure of this anthologized project places each story in a different state, where the audience can dive into horrors that can be found “just beneath the surface of our country.” With most of the stories, three episodes will form each story, and only one episode will drop daily. Suspense sounds like the name of the game for this show, but Quibi’s feeling generous enough with “Golden Arm” to release all three parts of this first story at once: on Monday, April 13.

50 States Of Fright will eventually feature Christina Ricci, and over the next few weeks, the show will release these installments:

– The Oregon folklore-based story, Scared Stiff (written and directed by Ryan Spindell, starring James Ransone and Emily Hampshire)

– The Kansas tale, Ball of Twine (directed by Yoko Okomura and starring Ming-Na Wen)

– The Minnesota story, Grey Cloud Island (written and directed by Adam Schindler Brian Netto and starring Asa Butterfield)

– The Florida tale, Destino (written and directed by Alejandro Brugués and starring Danay Garcia)

Eventually, we should see all 50 states from this show, if it survives long enough to cross the whole country. And if the first tale is any indication, the show will retain enough subtlety to not make the Oklahoma story about thrill-seeking vampires hitching rides on tornadoes. Although — let’s face it — I’d probably watch that, too, after digging the Michigan-based “Golden Arm” from Sam and Ivan Raimi.

Quibi’s ’50 States Of Fright’ is currently streaming the ‘Golden Arm’ episodes.

The Strokes’ new album, The New Abnormal, was released a few days ago, and Julian Casablancas is being candidly realistic about it. Most artists default to comparing their new work favorably to their most esteemed output, but in a recent Los Angeles Times interview, Casablancas said The New Abnormal isn’t his favorite Strokes album.

Casablancas was asked, “How do you think of this record in relation to the Strokes’ others,” to which he responded, “I don’t.” From there, he said, “It’s my fourth favorite record I’ve ever been a part of.” When pressed for more, he ranked the first two Strokes albums, 2001’s Is This It and 2003’s Room On Fire, above it. He continued, “…and then maybe… you’re gonna get me in trouble. Let’s leave it a mystery.”

Between The Strokes, The Voidz, and his 2009 solo record, Casablancas has made nine albums, which would place The New Abnormal in the middle of the pack in Casablancas’s eyes.

Casablancas also revealed that he’s not exactly heartbroken about not being able to perform live right now, saying, “People are like, ‘Oh man, you’re not able to tour!’ I’m like, ‘That’s a bad thing?’” Additionally, he said the band considered postponing The New Abnormal, but decided not to (of course, since the album is out now): “The idea came up, I suppose because we can’t really promote it. But it didn’t seem worth postponing.”

Read our review of The New Abnormal here.

The New Abnormal is out now via RCA. Get it here.

By now, you’ve undoubtedly heard it what seems like 1,000 times. The ubiquitous, inescapable, and ridiculously relatable 15-second clip that has soundtracked the social media posts of antsy teens, adults, rappers, actors, and athletes for the last month. “Bored In The House” is the quintessential quarantine anthem, perfectly summing up the national mood after weeks of being indoors, binging the utterly bonkers Tiger King, and avoiding human contact.

The song is the brainchild of a 20-year-old rapper from Detroit named Curtis Roach, who had already been building a buzz with smart, upbeat, optimistic projects like Overly Caffeinated, Lellow, and Luv Bug. But after uploading a video to TikTok of himself ad-libbing a catchy refrain about — well, you know — while banging out a beat on his table, his name and voice are now all over the internet, taking over TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and even Facebook.

Uproxx called Curtis up for an insightful chat about his burgeoning viral fame, wild television, and how he got West Coast rap titan Tyga to turn his social media post into a legit hit record.

Before you got bored enough to start banging on a table, what were you doing to keep busy on your self-quarantine experience?

Well, first off, I made that before the self-quarantine. I didn’t know that that was about to happen. I always been a homebody for real, so this is super easy. This is light work but to keep myself busy, I really been working on music, drinking my water, watching as much movies as possible to get inspired, and listening to my favorite songs and writing down on paper, too. I think that’s also been helping me through all the madness. How about you?

Oh, same old same, man. Binging TV shows. I think I’m about to start working my way back through Parks And Rec. I know you’ve seen Tiger King. What did you think?

Yeah. After watching it, honestly, the first thought was, “Why did I watch that?” After that, it was like, “Why was I so intrigued?” I thought it was kind of entertaining overall, but it’s just like… I don’t know. All of that combined with what’s going on, it feels like a big old distraction but I know that it’s good to have that relief.

Let’s talk about Luv Bug.

I spent the last two projects really trying to exercise my ability as an artist to push the envelope in a way. With Lellow, I was working on solid rap songs that were just enough to catch the attention, had the lyrical content, and have it just be a nice little EP that everybody can run to.

Then, I did a November series and it was like “La Da Da,” “Marry Jazzy,” and “Python Soup” and that was just me experimenting with showing off my voice and letting people know that I can sing and create these cool little melodies and vibes. Then with Luv Bug, that was when I was full into my love bag because I feel like I don’t have that many love songs. I’ve put out “Frida” in the past and “Spectacular” but with Luv Bug, I wanted to really show people, “Hey, I’m not just a rap rap type person, I can also do other things, I can be a full-on artist.” That’s what I really wanted to display with Luv Bug. This next project, I want to morph all of that, have all the lit songs, all the slow songs, and have it be like a perfect collage or a mosaic of just me.

I’m looking forward to that. I guess we’ve got to address the elephant in the room, “Bored In The House.” You banged on the table a little bit and you uploaded it to TikTok and it went bananas. What was your first thought when you saw somebody like Chance The Rapper was playing your song on his Instagram?

Dude, it’s unreal. That was crazy for me, seeing how impactful this video, this 15-second video, has been to the culture right now is crazy. Every time, when I go on Twitter, it’s a new video of a whole family in quarantine that’s just “Bored In The House.” That’s just the coolest part about it, we all are feeling this right now. We’re all in the same situation. It’s good that people are using this time to just dance and have fun on TikTok and make videos. Especially like Chance The Rapper, KeKe Palmer, and so many celebrities that’s done it, but it’s just wild to see. We’re all connected through this.

That’s dope. Actually, speaking of TikTok, what made you jump on the TikTok wave and can you explain what makes TikTok so appealing? What makes it so impactful for this generation, especially for your generation because it goes over my head (this is sarcasm; I did a whole piece about TikTok here).

Yeah man. I started back in September of 2019 and it was really awesome. Everybody was telling me about it. My manager was one of the first people to tell me about it and he was just like, “Yo, you should make a TikTok because you’re funny and you got a dope personality. You be making all these funny videos on your Instagram and stuff.” My cousin was talking about it, my friends were talking about it, and I’m just like, “Eh, I don’t even know.” But I joined TikTok, I had zero followers and I was just like, “I don’t know how to use this.” Everybody was putting dance videos up and I can do that as well, but I just prefer to do my own little thing. I was always putting little funny videos up, so I just was like, “I’m going to just put all those on TikTok.” I was flooding it for a good three weeks, just videos every day and a couple of videos started catching heat. It was a lot of people noticing like, “Oh, this guy’s funny.”

It started growing and growing ever since. The “Bored In The House” [sound], when I first dropped that, I had 40K followers — which is a lot — but after that, it shot up like crazy. It’s been cool because I feel like it’s a platform where you can be free to post anything. You don’t have to wait until 3 p.m. to post something like you’re doing on all your other social media. It’s not a strategic thing. You just have fun with it. There’s people with 20 followers that post every day just because it makes them feel good. People just dancing in their rooms, having the time of their lives. I think that’s what’s the coolest part about TikTok, everybody is on there and everybody is really carefree with it.

Absolutely. How did the Tyga thing happen? How did that increase you attention where now you have all these people checking for you, looking for you, hitting you up, tagging you and everything. Have you felt like, “Let me turn my phone off” or how has it been for you?

At first, I was like, “Oh my God, this is overwhelming.” To answer the Tyga thing, basically, when he first did the TikTok, he went to my page and then he followed me and he hit me up and he was like, “Yo, you’re dope man. You have some cool music… we should definitely do something because you’ve got dope vocals and stuff.” When we finally sent the vocals of it, it took us a day and he was like, “Yo, you got a dope voice, people need to hear this, this is something that needs to happen.” And so, badabing badabap.

That’s really the cool thing about this whole situation with TikTok, to answer your last question, getting all this attention. I’m not just the “Bored In The House” guy, people are like, “Yo, you’re Curtis Roach, the guy who made ‘Bored In The House.’” People really actually liked the music. I feel like this is a good way of transitioning into people getting to know me. I’m really thankful for all the attention and I’m glad that people are messing with the music, especially Tyga. I don’t think he would’ve done it with me if I was trash or anything. I’m glad we got a real good record out of it.

That’s incredible. What’s next man? How do you capitalize on that sort of buzz when it’s something so big like that? Do you drop another song? Do you drop a video? Are you going to quick-strike an album? How do you follow up and make sure that the Curtis Roach name just rings off and stays strong?

Yeah. Well, that’s all I’ve been thinking about and what I’ve been doing. At first, when it started going crazy that first day, I was like “Oh my God.” I froze up because I was already in the middle of working on another project, so when all this started blowing up and the song came out, people are starting to hear me in a different tone. There’s a lot of people who didn’t know that I can go off of beats like this. It altered my next project because I’m definitely experimenting with my sound still but with this, I’m trying to give them all the heat. I’m trying to definitely tap into that back. Just know that Curtis Rose 2020 is lit.

Tory Lanez’s Quarantine Radio livestream has rapidly become the place to be on weekday afternoons as the Canadian star hosts an unpredictable show full of guest pop-ins and NSFW shenanigans. For proof of that fact, look no further than yesterday’s surprise guest: The recently-released Tekashi 69. 69 called in and joined Tory’s video chat from home confinement and make a few jokes about snitching.

It’s pretty clear Tekashi has seen all those memes about himself, despite being on lockdown for most of the past year. It doesn’t seem like being the butt of jokes bothers him all that much, either, which makes sense given his willingness to dye his hair into a rainbow and tattoo “69” all over his body for attention. So it should come as no surprise that when he popped up, he started out making “snitch” jokes almost immediately.

“Lemme play this new shit or ima snitch on u,” he wrote in the comments. “”You not even from America u from Canada.” The two artists previously collaborated on the song, “Kika.”

Tekashi previously joked about snitching on people violating coronavirus stay-at-home precautions, writing “Coming to the rescue” in the comments of a post about Los Angeles’ Mayor Eric Garcetti offering rewards for reporting businesses violating LA’s order to stay in.

Tekashi, of course, is now notorious in hip-hop for being a “snitch” after cooperating with federal authorities in the racketeering case against the Nine Trey Bloods in exchange for less time on his sentence. He was released to home confinement earlier this month, as his asthma put him at risk in the case of a possible coronavirus outbreak in the New York detention facility where he was serving out his sentence.

Check out Tekashi’s comments above.

Officially, Escape From Virtual Island is an Audible Original and a scripted audio-only comedy podcast starring Paul Rudd and a collection of familiar comics and comic actors. If you’re familiar with the way back, though, it sounds a bit like an old-time radio play, with the voice actors falling into a diverse collection of characters and both the score and sound effects helping to transport the listener. Pretty neat! It’s also the kind of thing that feels like it might be the start of a trend with everyone aching to feed the distraction needs of the public while also becoming industrious with closet podcast studios and the like here in Isolationville.

Of course, Escape From Virtual Island was conceived and recorded before things broke bad, but it does posit an existence where virtual reality resorts are real things that can propel your mind to a host of adventures. For better or worse, as the characters find out while dealing with a freshly sentient supercomputer and a missing guest on an island resort/virtual travel base of operations run by Rudd’s character, Derek Ambrose. And to be honest, that still sounds more fun than going on a cruise right now.

To help us imagine a future where virtual travel is real (and to celebrate the release of Escape From Virtual Island on Audible, of course), we polled Rudd, his castmates Amber Ruffin (Late Night with Seth Meyers), Jack McBrayer (30 Rock), and Paula Pell (A.P. Bio), as well as writer John Lutz (Saturday Night Live) and director Peter Grosz (The President’s Show) on what they think about a future with virtual travel and where they’d want to go. Unsurprisingly, the answers ran the gamut from sincere to silly… and little concerning. (Is Jack McBrayer capable of murder or does he just need better friends?!)

Does the prospect of this kind of virtual travel excite you or does it freak you out a little?

Paul Rudd: As long as it doesn’t involve going through airport security and having to take my shoes off, I’m for it.

Peter Grosz: I think, no matter what, it’s probably going to happen. In sci-fi, there’s always a little bit of future prognostication in a lot of that. If you look at some of the best pieces of sci-fi, then some part of it has come true. Even back to HG Wells a hundred years ago. So I wouldn’t be surprised if this is available sooner than we think.

John Lutz: I kind of feel like virtual reality is going to be fine. The way that video games are fine if you aren’t one of those people who are super addicted and they become your full life. The whole point of the story was basically the things that happened in the real world are always going to be more important than anything you do in the virtual world.

Jack McBrayer: I like it. I think it sounds fantastic. It’s less scary and you can act however you want. Like there are many places where you can just really say whatever you want, wear whatever you like, but in a place you made up, there can’t possibly be any judgment. They can get in there and freak out.

I mean, you’re kind of describing the internet now, basically.

McBrayer: That was all Twitter. I have to say. I would watch Westworld with a buddy of mine and I enjoyed it very much. But then the discussion turns to if you could go to Westworld, would you rape, pillage, shoot, kill, steal? Would you do all these things? And he was like, “Absolutely. Because I know that they’re robots, I know that nobody’s getting hurt.” But for me, the argument was that at what point does curiosity outweigh empathy? Because yeah, they are robots, but they look, sound, and act exactly like human beings. So are you okay acting on those desires? Even though the consequence for them is nil, but at the same time, you’d have to go to sleep at night knowing that, I just shot, this victim or whatever it was. So that’s where I’m kind of still on the fence with it. Don’t get me wrong. There are virtual reality games where you can like into the shark cage underwater. That is fun to me because I’m like, I wonder what that would be like without actually having to do it. So that’s where curiosity works for me.

Amber Ruffin: Who in the world is your friend who wanted to go to Westworld and beat the crap out of everyone? That’s not good for you and you deserve better friends.

McBrayer: It did open up a conversation because why do other people watch Westworld? Why do the people on the show go to Westworld? Like they really do just want to shoot people, tell me I’m wrong.

So murder is the line for you?

McBrayer: Murder is a line for me… in virtual reality. In virtual reality, make sure you add that part.

What kind of virtual reality adventure would a supercomputer spit out for your personality?

Paul Rudd: One where I got to explore the depths of the ocean as well as the entirety of outer space. Oh, and I’d check out a Beatles recording session.

Paula Pell: I think I would enjoy a virtual thing if it was like you’re in a room with one hundred puppies and they’re all coming at you and it’s just like cheese and puppies. It’s just cheese and some crusty good bread and some puppies. My fiancee and I are both extremely obsessed with animals and wanting as many as we can pile on top of ourselves like a weighted blanket with faces. And we just love that. That’s my favorite thing on Earth. And so it would definitely involve some sort of animal sanctuary.

Jack McBrayer: Mine would be The Container Store. Everything is orderly, it smells good. It’s clean. I’d go to The Container Store in a heartbeat. That’s what I’m missing most about this pandemic.

Amber Ruffin: What? That’s your favorite store? Sorry, there are so many more beautiful things in the world.

McBrayer: You don’t know me.

Amber, what about you? Bed, Bath And Beyond?

Ruffin: [Mine] would be Disneyland. I would want to eat up the food that I shouldn’t be eating and go on rides.

That sounds pretty good. No disrespect, Jack, but that sounds a little bit better than The Container Store.

McBrayer: How dare you, sir. I was a national treasure. Was.

John Lutz: I would probably be flying in the Millennium Falcon eating dry-aged prime rib and drinking a martini with Chewbacca. I think it’d be fun to see if I could try to figure out he’s trying to say. He loves meat. I mean, he got caught in that net cause he’s always thinking with the stomach.

Peter Grosz: I was thinking more like some sort of idyllic beach vacation where it’s like constantly the end of the day at the beach, like the sun is kind of shining sort of low in the sky and it’s a little bit cooler than the heat of the day. So you don’t have to worry about sitting there for a long time and getting burned. You don’t have to like turn over every five minutes like a rotisserie chicken. You just sit in the nice chair, get a good braise. I would be in that moment for a week while people fed me chicken parmesan and macaroni and cheese and barbecue and collard greens and stuff like that. And I would have a Manhattan that was the size of a baby pool.

You wouldn’t want to do a beach on another planet and spice it up a little?

Grosz: At this point, my fantasy would be like going on the subway and touching the pole, walking to the grocery store, touching a subway seat, giving a hug to a friend, getting into a fight with somebody in my car about the way they are driving. I would love to do that.

You can download ‘Escape From Virtual Island’ on Audible now.