Category: News

It’s a stacked week in hip-hop as rappers continue to take advantage of the downtime provided by social distancing to finish up their projects and capitalize on a very-close-to-literally captive audience. It’s also an extremely women-centric week, as not just one, but three women add to the rapidly growing canon of female focused rap music.

Here are all the best hip-hop albums coming out this week.

2kBaby — Pregame Rituals

At all of 19 years old, the Louisville, Kentucky rapper first garnered attention with his “Old Streets” freestyle, leading to a deal with Warner Records. His debut EP for the label features G Herbo, Lil Durk, and YFN Lucci, along with the single “Faxts” and a remix of “Old Streets.” He balances singing and rapping throughout his catalog, rhyming about the struggles and trauma of growing up in Louisville, in his words, “really starving.”

Asian Doll — Doll SZN Reloaded

10 projects deep into her career, Asian Doll is still ripping through fierce, no-holds-barred verses alternating between gritty, street-centric boasts and vulnerable, autobiographical rap ballads about her upbringing in Dallas, Texas. The EP is her first since splitting with Gucci Mane’s label, 1017. It features one guest appearance from King Von and all of her usual acerbic, unapologetic attitude.

Kari Faux — Lowkey Superstar

The title of Kari Faux’s latest is no fluke; as a veteran of the original early 2010s blog rap boom, she’s been around and buzzing for nearly eight years. Springboarding off of the success of her 2019 EP, Cry 4 Help, Kari’s billing Lowkey Superstar as her coming out moment as she comes into herself and overcomes some of the anxiety that’s held her back at parts of her career. As she admitted on her Instagram, she almost psyched herself out of releasing the project — let’s all thank our lucky stars she didn’t.

Kierra Luv — Take It Or Leave It

The third woman on this week’s list comes from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and raps like her life depends on it. She’s been co-signed by Cardi B, counts Diddy, Lil Wayne, and Nelly as her influences, and spits rapid-fire, complex raps with the mentality of a rapper several years her senior. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention? She’s only 18 years old. You might not guess it to hear her spit; she’s got an old soul and a flow to match — but she’s not a stuck-in-the-’90s rapper either, more than comfortable with modern styles.

Smoke DZA — Ringside 8

The prolific Harlem, New York rapper who calls himself “the Kush God” has dropped an absolutely unreal number of projects over the years — this one is his second of 2020. Fortunately, it’s a quick listen at just five songs, paying homage to his love of wrestling with producer 183rd. Sampling wrestlers’ intro themes — including Goldberg, Sting, and The Nation Of Domination — DZA raps clever, cool bars about his luxury lifestyle with all the slickness of a New York City hustler.

Tory Lanez — New Toronto 3

The final project on his Interscope deal, New Toronto 3 finds the Torontonian going solo for 14 of its 16 tracks. With the success of this Quarantine Radio livestreams, it’s likely to be one of his most successful projects as well.

YSN Flow — Flow SZN

At all of 16 years old, he’s one of the youngest buzzing rappers in the game, but he’s proved he deserves the looks. With a style reminiscent of New York’s Lil Tjay, and a gift for singsong melodies and sharply observant bars, he’s got a cross-generational appeal blended with a fresh outlook.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The thrill of seeing elite gamers throwdown, tossing out barbs and leaning into both team rivalries and the delightful chaos of a head to head match returns on Friday with the return of Call of Duty League, offering all the excitement of standard tournament play from the comforts of the homes of pros that are taking to the virtual battlefield.

Call of Duty League has been on pause since its March 8 event in Los Angeles due to the coronavirus pandemic, and the month off has allowed the organization to retool its setup to work at home. A lot has happened in the interim in the Call of Duty world. More than 30 million people have played the game’s Warzone battle royale mode and Playstation gamers have gotten a remastered Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

For the pros playing in CDL, however, the time off has been all about watching film, staying in shape, and honing skills that give them an edge in competition. Practices and scrimmages have continued, and there’s been a good amount of pickup gaming among pros to keep sharp. Having matches on the schedule is certainly welcome news for pros itching to get back to competition.

“It feels great, to be honest because just practicing without a tournament in sight or a goal in sight gets kind of tiring,” New York Subliners ace Lamar “Accuracy” Abedi told Uproxx. “Right when the schedule was announced it was a rejuvenation of energy.”

Here’s what to expect on Friday and moving forward for Call of Duty League.

Small Changes

The league’s inaugural season launched in January to raucous crowds, but Friday marks the return to tournament play with an online-only format that presents some interesting challenges for squads. Though teams will still “host” tournament weekends, each group will play from home on CDL servers while the action is streamed around the world.

Online play brings potential latency problems, but the league has protocols in place to combat this and ensure competitive balance between teams. CDL hopes it can return to LAN events before the season ends in July, but stressed it wants to keep its players and fans safe while providing fair competition for all sides. According to pros, though, the real change is taking the crowd out of the equation.

“The biggest difference is just not having the energy of an arena filled with fans and the energy that brings,” Accuracy said. “That hype when you step up on that stage, you go into a different zone. Now we have to get into that zone from the comfort of our bedroom or wherever we’re playing.”

Accuracy lives in New York with his teammate, Dillon “Attach” Price. They’ll play from their apartment once the Subliners start play against Chicago on April 24, and he said it’s a mental game to keep focused on the magnitude of each match regardless of where you’re playing.

A Welcome Opportunity

Call of Duty League has a unique opportunity in its return because it’s one of the few sports organizations that can safely hold competitions. It’s certainly not lost on anyone involved that there will be a big chance to attract new fans. Twitch streaming numbers are up as people look for things to watch, and though online-only competitions mean fewer camera angles, the action will feature casters and live gaming to watch on the league’s YouTube page.

It’s also a chance for CDL to offer a competitive, professional product at a time when people are looking for new and exciting distractions, as indicated by league commissioner Johnna Fries in a statement.

“I spent many years at the NFL, and saw firsthand how sports can lift the human spirit,” Faries said in a statement. “No one wants to be in this situation, but we are, and we’re thankful that Call of Duty League can forge ahead and deliver live competition to fans when it’s probably needed most.”

Crowded At The Top

There’s no surprise when it comes to what teams to keep an eye on this weekend and beyond. The Chicago Huntsman have lived up to the hype and are tied with the Atlanta FaZe for first place in the league. Just below them with 80 points is the Dallas Empire, while Minnesota Røkkr sit with 70 points in fourth place. Those four are the ones to beat through the season’s home stretch, and whether Atlanta and Chicago can shake off the rust and stay at the top of their game will largely determine how the season plays out.

“This late into the season we know which teams are really good and which teams are at the top top. ” Accuracy said. “Faze, Dallas and Chicago are the teams everyone has had their eye on. Those are the ones that everyone is like, ‘OK we have to really focus up for this match.”

Notable Additions And Exclusions

One big change for the Subliners — who have struggled and are tied for last place this year — is the addition of Makenzie “Mack” Kelley, an amateur who turned 18 and became pro-eligible in 2020.

Accuracy raved about Mack and the energy he’s brought to Subliners practices.

“Him being that fresh young talent and bringing that new vibe to our team definitely helped us a lot,” Accuracy said. “He also gave us a new perspective on the game compared to how we were playing before. So being able to combine that with how we were playing previously definitely leveled our team up a lot.”

New York will have a bit more time to prepare for their next shot at tournament play as it’s one of four teams not playing in the tournament this weekend, including top-ranked Atlanta, the London Royal Ravens and OpTic Gaming Los Angeles. But that doesn’t mean it’s a weekend off for anyone in Call of Duty League.

“I love watching film. It’s one of the biggest things that’s helped me get better as a player,” Accuracy said. “And I’m gonna be watching these matches religiously this weekend, dissecting everything I can to take it back to our team and see what we can pick up on.”

The action kicks off Friday 4/10 at 4pm EST. You can tune in all weekend through Sunday and follow the rest of the season here on Uproxx.

Tiger King star Jeff Lowe recently claimed that an eighth episode in the hit big-cat docuseries would arrive before long. It didn’t seem like folks believed him, but lo and behold, this is actually happening. While there were rumors that this would be a reunion-type endeavor, chances for a shoot anytime soon seemed slim, given current social distancing limitations. However, this episode is now breathing down our collective necks, and it’s being described by Netflix as an “aftershow” called “The Tiger King And I,” which will be hosted by Joel McHale and drop on April 12.

Yes, that Joel McHale, who is still waiting on those “seven” Community movies to start shooting, is doing the next best thing. Watch this teaser, if you dare.

Rob Lowe must be so jealous, and the Stargirl actor shall henceforth be known as “Joel Exotic.” Nope, not sorry for that one, and it’s a damn good thing that someone’s wearing the Joe Exotic gear, since Joseph Maldonado-Passage can’t appear in the flesh for this installment while he’s sitting in a Texas penitentiary. We should not expect Carole Baskin to make a surprise appearance either, but the episode promises appearances by not only Jeff Lowe but wife Lauren, along with John Finlay, Saff (!), John Reinke, Joshua Dial, Erik Cowie, and Rick Kirkman.

Easter just got a whole lot more exciting, right? Even in these quarantined times, there’s still plenty of entertainment out there.

Fresh off of the awards season wins that sent Bong Joon-Ho fans into a state of euphoria on social media, Parasite is now available to Hulu subscribers, and the streaming platform is understandably pumped about landing the twisted comedy. With audiences trapped indoors, Hulu made sure to let everybody know who has the Academy Award winner for Best Picture in a Twitter release video:

Considering this is social media we’re talking about, and again, people have a lot of time on their hands, Hulu’s tweet attracted Twitter trolls who are not fans of Parasite‘s anti-capitalist message, which has made the film a contentious topic in some corners. But what the trolls didn’t expect is that whoever runs Hulu’s social media accounts also has time on their hands, and they got to work clapping back at detractors. For example, one user called the film “pathetic,” which prompted Hulu to set them straight.

As that response quickly went viral, Hulu aimed its sights at another troll who apparently doesn’t care for reading subtitles or foreign movies in general.

The response to Subtitle Boy went even more viral. It became a whole thing. Debates about subtitles aside, detractors are obviously missing the fact that Parasite accomplished an incredible feat during awards season by shattering conventional norms around foreign films. Via IndieWire:

“Parasite” was the favorite to win the Oscar for Best International Feature Film ever since it won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival, but many in the film industry wondered if a non-English language drama could take the Academy’s biggest prize for Best Picture. No foreign language film had ever won Best Picture in the 92 years of the Oscars. Alfonso Cuaron’s “Roma” got close in 2019 but lost to “Green Book.” “Parasite” broke the glass ceiling, becoming not just the first foreign language Best Picture winner but also the first South Korean film to land Oscar noms.

Sure, you could call that “pathetic” or “trash” because it’s not English, but don’t be surprised to see an entire streaming platform jump in your mentions to tell you exactly how wrong you are.

(Via Hulu on Twitter)

While the nerds are all working on their bodies to emerge from social isolation as buff ass butterflies or whatever, the rest of us are exploring a world of home-cooked meals and baking shitloads of bread. We’ve already nailed the art of fried chicken and our focaccia rivals that of the finest Italian chefs. We’ve even got Dalgona coffee dialed in. Now it’s time for us to master the ultimate comfort food: ramen.

To lead us to the perfect piping hot bowl of Japanese noodles and broth, we’ve tapped ramen chef Hiro Mitsui of Washington D.C.’s Ramen by Uzu. Recognizing that certain ingredients are in short supply, he’s put together a special quarantine-friendly version of the dish for us. Chef Hiro’s recipe swaps out bone broth for an easy-to-make vegetable broth. Because while meat availability varies, grocery stores seem to be pretty well stocked on fresh produce.

In addition to the recipe, we also asked Chef Hiro for some basic ramen-making tips to keep us from messing things up. His advice will keep you fed now and help you refine your version of the dish later, when the quarantine ends and you have a few people over to impress.

Can you walk us through the process of cooking the perfect ramen noodle?

It really depends on the thickness of your noodles. If we are using very thick noodles, we cook them a minute to a minute and 10 seconds in boiled water. Then basically you mix with the soup base. With the stock… Basically, boil the chicken bone broth and make some soy base or miso base. Mix it all together.

Could you walk us through the different types of broths?

Probably the most famous broth will be tonkatsu, which is pork bone. It is aromatic, vegetables, carrots, onions, scallions. Some places use miso with it. Some places use kelp, which is like a seaweed. It really depends on the restaurant. A lot of places are using basically pork bone broth, which some people do not like. So we use chicken bone broth. It is one of the popular broths in Japan. We do 10 hours cooking stock, then rest 10 hours. So basically a 20-hour process.

What’s an easy at-home ramen recipe to make?

If you are prepared to do pork bone broth, buy pork belly, the broth of pork belly, and scallions, onions, ginger, garlic.

Put on the pot, fill it up the water. First, you have to boil it and turn down to simmer for two or three hours. Basically you just cooked pork and the stock at same time. And you make tonkatsu base, maybe you can put shoyu, which is soy sauce; mirin, which is like sugar with alcohol; salt. Mix it all together!

If you feel like you need to add more flavor to it, such as sesame oil, more salt, maybe black pepper. You can just add that. That’s a really basic, really easy recipe.

What are some common toppings that make for a nice looking bowl?

Usually, ramen comes with wakame, which is a seaweed… I mean shoyu ramen comes wakame, which is a seaweed. Menma, which is a bamboo shoot. You can find all those in Asian grocery stores. Noodles — of course — and the broth is topped with nori, which is dried seaweed, which you can also find in Asian grocery stores. Some people like sweet corn. Some people like chili paste. Or, if you like spicy, you can just do sriracha. Plus scallions and boiled egg. Soft or hard-boiled, whatever you like.

A famous combination is a lot of bean sprouts, a lot of onions, and garlic. That will be really filling.

What’s an easy and fast ramen dish to prepare that will leave you satisfied?

Aside from the pork ramen, which is fast… I don’t know if I should talk about this one — But basically you can add protein on top of those packaged ramens. I mean, of course, made from scratch is better. But if you want to make it really quick, just add stuff like vegetables and a boiled egg on top and it’ll be good.

What type of ramen do you think Americans generally overlook that is popular in Japan?

Whenever people come to the ramen restaurant, they automatically think tonkatsu ramen is the only ramen, which is made with the pork bone and is really, really rich. We have millions of kinds of ramen in Japan! My favorite is a fish-based sauce. Dried fish, and anchovy. Those constitute the fish base broth. That’s my favorite.

Hiro’s Quarantine Ramen Recipe

First, we need to make stock using ingredients that you might have at home. Just use as many of the ingredients that you can get your hands on. Ramen is a combination of stock + base (tare) + oil/fat. At Ramen by Uzu, we have chicken or vegan stock. For this at-home recipe, we will make a veggie stock.

Stock Ingredients

• 1 medium carrot, peeled and chopped
• 1 bunch of scallions, stems removed and chopped
• 1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
• 1 clove of garlic, smashed with skin
• 1 piece of ginger, peeled and chopped
• 1 small apple, chopped 4 ways
• 1 sheet of kombu (kelp) (If available. This is for umami. If not available, don’t worry.)
• 1 medium brown potato, peeled and chopped

1. Combine all ingredients in a large pot. Fill the pot with water until all the ingredients are covered. Be sure to leave two inches at the top so the water won’t spill.
2. Boil on high heat. After the water comes to a boil, lower the temperature and simmer for 1.5 hours.
3. Gently smash the vegetables to get the most umami into your broth.
4. (Optional) For a more “authentic” flavor, throw in one handful of bonito. Leave it for 10 minutes.
5. Strain the vegetables from the broth. Compost the veggies or save them for some other recipe.

Base Ingredients

• 1 10.5 oz can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp sesame oil
• Mix one half can of Campbell’s cream of mushroom with the same amount of stock. (Ratio 1:1.
• You can adjust however you like. If you want a creamier soup, use more cream of mushroom.)
• Garnish
• Thin-sliced scallions
• Egg (hard-boiled or soft-boiled, your choice)
• Your choice of protein (pork, chicken, fried tofu, sautéed spam)
• Nori
• Canned corn

Method

1. Combine the stock and base in a small pot. Heat it up.
2. Cook your noodles. It’s great if you can get your hands on fresh ramen noodles. However, if that’s not possible, just use instant ramen noodles (just the noodles).
3. Cook the noodles according to the package. If you like your noodles al dente, cook them 30 seconds to one minute less than what the instructions call for. Strain the water.
4. Add the noodles to the soup.
5. Garnish with your preferred toppings.

*BONUS RECIPE* Chef Hiro’s Shoyo Ramen Recipe

This is a simple recipe where you don’t need to boil the stock for a long time. However, the flavor of this ramen is still very traditional and makes me feel nostalgic.

Stock Ingredients

• 8 oz pork belly
• 6 oz chicken thigh
• 1 oz Dried Anchovy
• .5 oz Konbu seaweed
• 2 stalk Scallion
• 1 Apple whole with skin
• 50 oz Water

Method

1. Combine all ingredients in a pot.
2. Boil. Once it comes to a boil, reduce the temperature to low to medium heat. Cook for 90 mins.
3. After 90 minutes, take out the pork belly.
4. Add .5 oz bonito and simmer for 10 minutes.
5. Strain stock and cool down with ice bath

Pork Belly Ingredients

1. 7 oz Soy
2. 4.5 oz Water
3. 1 oz Sake
4. .5 oz Sugar
5. .5oz Honey
6. 2 stalks of Scallions
7. 2-3pcs Peeled garli

Combine all ingredients in a pot.

Method

1. Boil. Once it comes to a boil, add pork belly from the stock. Cook for 30 minutes on low heat, flipping the pork belly occasionally.
2. After 30 minutes, remove the pork belly and set it to the side to cool down.
3. Take the remaining juice (tare/soup base) and save it for later.

Assembly

1. In a small pot, warm 12 oz of stock.
2. Add 7 oz of tare into a ramen bowl.
3. Cook noodles in boiling water. If possible, use fresh noodles and cook them to your preference.
4. Add the warm stock to the tare in the ramen bowl.
5. Remove the cooked ramen noodles from the boiling water and add them to the ramen bowl.

6. (optional) Add one drop of sesame oil. 

7. Garnish with sliced pork belly, scallions, egg (soft or hard-boiled), sesame seeds, nori, and menma (bamboo shoots).

With the NBA 2K Players Only Tournament wrapping up this weekend, ESPN and the NBA are moving forward on another remote competition to draw some eyeballs during the league’s hiatus.

Starting Sunday, the NBA and WNBA HORSE competition will begin, featuring Trae Young, Zach LaVine, Chris Paul, Mike Conley, Allie Quigley, Tamika Catchings, Chauncey Billups, and Paul Pierce. The first round of the competition will be broadcast Sunday, April 12 from 7-9 p.m. ET, and, like the 2K tournament there are betting odds being offered by offshore sportsbooks. First, we’ll look at the quarterfinal matchups and the odds from BetOnline for each matchup, headlined by Trae Young (the overall favorite) taking on Chauncey Billups.

Trae Young (-200) vs. Chauncey Billups (+150)
Tamika Catchings (+300) vs. Mike Conley (-500)
Zach LaVine (-110) vs. Paul Pierce (-130)
Chris Paul (-300) vs. Allie Quigley (+200)

Catchings at +300 is far too juicy to pass up in a HORSE matchup, and both of the WNBA players in the competition are being undervalued overall. The overall odds show Young as the favorite to win the entire competition at +200.

Trae Young +200
Chris Paul +250
Mike Conley Jr. +300
Paul Pierce +400
Zach LaVine +500
Chauncey Billups +600
Allie Quigley +800
Tamika Catchings +1000

Again, given that this is HORSE and there are no dunks allowed (which only hurts LaVine, in theory), Quigley and Catchings both are getting undervalued and are probably worth a look here if you really want to put money on a remote HORSE competition.

If nothing below suits your sensibilities, check out our guide to What You Should Watch On Streaming Right Now.

Desus And Mero: A quarantine edition features illustrious guest Tracee Ellis Ross.

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon: Beastie Boys Mike D and King Ad-Rock pop onto the show, along with Anna Kendrick and Dan White.

Devs (FX on Hulu) — Forest and Katie are antsy for the full Devs project completion while Kenton’s determined to look out for Number One and no one else.

Station 19 (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) — A fire in a storage facility plagues the crew while Dr. Jackson Avery stops in for a visit.

Superstore (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) — Cheyenne’s 21st birthday leads to conflict with Mateo, and Glenn’s playing matchmaker for Jerry and Sandra to no one’s delight.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (NBC, 8:30 p.m.) — The squad’s in competition with each other for who’s the biggest genius of the bunch.

Man With A Plan (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) — Adam’s determined to not lie to Andi anymore, but Joe steps up to squash that plan. Uh-oh.

Will & Grace (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) — The I Love Lucy-themed episode that fans have probably anticipated for decades finally arrives. Essentially, everyone wants to be Lucy.

Better Things (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — Sam’s visiting the weed store while ice cream is the name of the game for Frankie and Sam.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!: Don Cheadle, Regina Hall, Phoebe Bridgers

Late Night With Seth Meyers: Jane Fonda

Conan: Jon Meacham

A Little Later With Lilly Singh: Abby Elliott, Adam Pally

We are a full month into the NBA’s hiatus and technically this column counts as a new measurement of time now. Some other new rules: NBA players making sandwiches count as sports and it is brave to cover it, no one needs a haircut ever again, and pretty much anything counts as self-care.

But earnestly, it’s pretty comforting to see superhuman athletes dealing with a lot of the same things as us normal people (albeit in nicer, more expansive home environments). Getting over the first strange few weeks and figuring out new routines, managing anxieties, missing their friends and family, trying to stay active and productive in whatever way makes sense in the moment. In any case, we’re rolling into the second month of this, it’s bound to get weirder, and I’m grateful to have you along.

Kyrie Irving

Hark! A comforting celestial sign from the cerebral king himself, Kyrie. We didn’t get much other than a couple sparkle emojis, a triangle and an eye (= The Eye of Providence), but the more concerning thing would be if there was a supermoon and we didn’t hear from Irving, so rest easy.

Rating: Do you think Kyrie hears Werewolves of London or Harvest Moon in his head when he looks up at full moons, or do you think he hears the inseparability of clarity and emptiness?

Jimmy Butler

“Wow,” I can hear you saying, unimpressed and not meaning a sincere exclamation of surprise at all, “We’re reporting on sandwiches that Jimmy Butler eats now?”

You know what? Yes, yes we are. You’re eating grilled cheeses, Jimmy Butler is eating grilled cheeses, you probably aren’t tagging a food porn lifestyle account in yours, because your sandwich is functional and Butler’s is like, not something he can tell his friend Mark Wahlberg about, for example, but all that aside, the point is this period in time is highlighting our commonalities over our differences.

Rating: Sandwich wise? Pretty good. At least 4 slices of processed cheese on that thing. Bonus points for a little slice of an Ugg slipper sneaking in bottom left.

LeBron James

The rule when LeBron James catches up to a trend that you all know, thanks to this vital news source, was sweeping the league last week, and he does it while also making a pretty bad dad joke, is that we still have to be happy for him. Because then he graces us with a photo of a glass of rosé balanced atop his knee, staring out at a dad’s universal pride and joy, the yard.

Rating: I also just think, that in this economy, none of us can afford not to be happy for LeBron James.

Luka Doncic

Doncic set us up for the long con this week. First he posted a TBT of times with a little more freedom of movement, wind whipping in his and his little dog’s haircuts as they squinted their eyes out toward open waters. A little later in the week he graced us again with his face, now quite unkempt, in a public poll on whether he should shave or not. For everyone who thought or voted “Shave” can I just ask you honestly, have you never heard of Tyson Chandler?

Rating: Let the big dog hunt! And by that I mean let the little face hairs grow out.

Jordan Clarkson

Continuity is nice in unsettling times. Like creating a new routine, even if you know it’s temporary, to give yourself something to lean on. Another constant you can lean on is that Jordan Clarkson continues to be a mostly topless ray of pure beaming light. This week, Clarkson caved in like so many and got TikTok, but unlike those many, he is pretty good at it. The guy loves to dance! And he loves to do antics.

Rating: Stay safe and shirtless, Jordan.

Mike Conley

Hugely wholesome alert. Here’s Conley and one of his very cute sons lying on the floor together. Have you tried this recently? Lying on the floor? Honestly Mike Conley and I cannot recommend it enough.

Rating: Happy? Lie on the floor. Sad? Lie on the floor. Ate too many non-Jimmy Butler grilled cheeses? Lie on the floor.

Kelly Oubre Jr.

Oubre Jr. coming in not hot, but perfectly temperate, ensconced in — count ‘em — four different kinds of fabric. This is a great time to reinvest in naps and Oubre Jr. is here to show you the kind of home squirrel nest you are capable of.

Rating: An NBA All-Nap bracket might actually be a nice thing to normalize the fact that most people are tired all the time because we’re all having trouble sleeping these days, right?

Kevin Love

Love has been going heavy on the movie nights and diligently sharing what cinematic delights he’s indulging in. He started with the classics, some Brando, some Criterion, but then veered wildly to what I can only guess is an homage to the cowboy vacation he took last summer, or else a fast-forward ahead to a preview of what Love will look like taking the court around Labor Day.

Rating: Legends of the Early Fall NBA Finals

Andre Drummond

Hair woes are a big worry this week. For professional basketball players who leave no part of their physical appearance unkempt and also for you, who used to remember to get a haircut when an acquaintance asked if you were “Trying something new”. The good news, for Drummond, is that he looks great, and also the domain ineedahaircut.com is still available.

Rating: A website that puts your hair on Andre Drummond’s head, just a free and generous idea.

Dwyane Wade

I don’t know why, but I’m finding it very comforting to check in on NBA retirees right now. Maybe because they are leaning more indulgently into their creature comforts than their active contemporaries, or maybe because they have sort of already adjusted to longer stretches at home and their habits are already well worn? Whatever the reason, let this video of Dwyane Wade admitting sweets are his “worst enemy” and then going ahead and making red velvet deep-fried Oreos in his sweats take you to a place that you usually only get to after a week long silent meditation retreat.

Rating: They do not look appetizing!

Serge Ibaka

Running out of ideas on how to showcase his many, many talents in quarantine (examples include loading a dishwasher and making a single cup of tea), Ibaka has decided to now be the judge of other people’s genius by hosting a live talent show. The first show was set to be this week, but crashed Instagram’s live capabilities. A new format is in the works, Ibaka has promised.

Rating: No idea how you top everything Serge has done but here for the effort.

Paul Millsap

YES there is ostensibly a lot of self-isolation time left for the league and YES it’s not at all fair yet to determine even potential nominees for NBA SIW MVP but what happens when a whole other column might need to get made just to round up what Paul Millsap is doing during his?! Here we have health and wellness, attempting a new hobby, getting your decompression time in AND personalized robes.

Rating: This is Paul Millsap’s Self-Isolation Watch now.

Aaron Gordon

Whether in front of a blank canvas, a hunk of clay or marble, an artist spends their most vital years in isolation, willing themselves to be a worthy conduit. Aaron Gordon is the latest to enter these hallowed ranks of enigma.

Rating: ‘The rose is real/really dead’, 2020, Acrylic on canvas, rose, glue

Tim Hardaway Jr.

A beautiful and soothing storyline continues this week, as the manatees returned to Tim Hardaway Jr.’s backyard. This time, he took the nozzle off his garden hose and dangled it right down into the turquoise waters, letting the manatee have a drink. Manatees drink freshwater, did you know that? I learned that from Tim Hardaway Jr., basically.

Rating: Remember what I wrote earlier about establishing new habits for yourself? Still important, but important to be honest that they won’t be better than this.

DeAndre Bembry

Bembry went and got some gas, safely.

Rating: You know what he probably also did? Disposed of his gloves in the proper trash receptacle, which apparently people are not doing. Don’t throw gloves in the street, dummy!

Josh Hart

Hart finished a puzzle that probably cost the same as the 1,000 piece landscape one you have your eye on, jacked right up on Amazon.

Rating: Do you think Josh Hart is the kind of person who craft glues the pieces together, to keep always?

Wayne Ellington

Happy to report, all’s still well in Wayne’s World. This week his dog jumped up to give him a nice hug and a polite kiss.

Rating: This one version of Wayne’s World where there can’t be enough sequels.

Buddy Hield

This has been Buddy Hield for immune boosting.

Rating: This has also been Buddy Hield against scurvy.

Rudy Gay

This has been Rudy Gay for looking good in hats.

Rating: This has also been Rudy Gay gently assuring you that it might not be your time in hats.

Lou Williams

Ok this requires a picture painted, so allow me my brushes (words). Williams did a video showing a wide, slow sweep of his backyard pool and was softly sort of singing the question on all of our minds, “Can you get the rona in the pool?”

Rating: This is a Fauci first, Self-ISO second kind of situation (the Self-ISO answer is only go in pools if they are yours and you are alone!)

Kyle Kuzma

Kuz and Snoh are a cute little dream team we didn’t know we needed,but we really, really needed. The maybe husky puppy continues to be very cute, and has found a new hobby in yanking Kuzma’s socks off as he watches TV.

Rating: Pedis are out, puppies accidentally ripping your toenails off are in.

Frank Ntilikina

Good to see Frankie Smokes getting some fresh air.

Rating: Embracing the great outdoors and the great ‘fits possible within them.

Malcolm Miller

Miller got his dog, North, a toy that sounds like a small animal wailing for help.

Rating: She loved it! Which was sort of the problem.

Iman Shumpert

Shump took a spin on a hovertrax after dark, with ground effects for prestige and safety.

Rating: He ripped.

Trae Young

Trae is a very earnest, very nice seeming guy. So much so that he got a new phone and gave out the number over Instagram, because he wanted to give fans a way to stay connected with him. There’s even a fire crackling in the background of this heartening chat, which is probably what he threw that new phone into when it exploded with incoming texts from 2.7 million people.

Rating: “Kind eyes, good intentioned hearts, can occasionally make mislaid plans” – alternate Friday Night Lights chant

Larry Nance Jr.

Nance has an “igloo” in his backyard, it’s kind of like a very miniature geodesic sphere without Spaceship Earth siding, so that the tender night can come in and keep you company. He went in there to drink wine, eat pizza and watch Grey’s Anatomy this week, which is all any of us could really wish for.

Rating: Fire up those geodesic spheres if you got ‘em.

Patrick Patterson

Patrick Patterson made literal the saying “snail’s pace”, by watching a pair of snails slime around on his patio.

Rating: The speed of snails and experience of watching them is the same I get watching Patterson play basketball. You can’t even be mad at the joke he set it right up for me.

Enes Kanter

Enes awoke his inner child this week. He made some kind of gigantic cookie dough omelette (the final step was topping all of that with another tube of cookie dough) and found a child’s swing set on which to swing.

Rating: I know I’ve previously said there’s no wrong way to spend a pandemic but that doesn’t mean there aren’t better ways.

Oshae Brissett

Raptors two-way guy, Oshae Brissett, spends a lot of time studying his teammates. He does this because, as I’m sure you’ve heard, they all genuinely like each other, but also because he has a lot of time to spend, well, watching them. Lucky for us, though, because he really got their asses.

Rating: If you watch this enough times it makes you feel excited that a game is about to start, and then you realize Brissett got your ass, too.

Nassir Little, Gary Trent Jr., Caleb Swanigan, Anfernee Simons, Wenyen Gabriel

The Blazers performance coach, Ben Kenyon, had five of the guys do some Zoom yoga. Swanigan looks the most chill of them all, but then that is the evolutionary purpose of tie-dye.

Rating: How much longer until we all turn on Zoom?

SPECIAL ADDITION: PAUL PIERCE’S PLACE

This might become a regular feature, because checking in on Paul Pierce will always make you feel better whether he is making you mad or happy to be in a different place than him. This week Pierce spent a lot of time in his pool, where we also found him last week. First, he was out there enjoying a wine (glassless?) and a shisha,

Then, he exposed the merits of staying smart through all this, something he is tackling by staying in his pool as much as possible.

BONUS: OTHER TRENDS!

Toosie Slide was big and a big reprieve this week. Giving a lot of guy’s what I get the feeling was more than a few hours mastering the steps, some with more flourish than others.

Julius Randle’s was pretty good, very comfortable in matching sweat suits:

Millsap’s was, as we have come to expect from him, very demure:

Probably the best for overall energy and flair, though, was Jordan Clarkson’s:

As the global box office basically shuttered in early March, Birds of Prey became one of the first titles to break the 90-day video-on-demand release window in an effort to recoup losses. The Harley Quinn sequel hit VOD on March 24 after being in theaters for just six weeks. Normally, this would only make the film available for digital purchase until four weeks later when the rental period kicks in. But, once again, Birds of Prey is shattering conventions.

According to /Film, Birds of Prey is already available for the digital rental price of $5.99 just two weeks after its VOD release. Unfortunately, this surprise move by Warner Bros. led to inaccurate reports that the title is available for purchase at the lower price, but that is not the case. However, that doesn’t change the potential paradigm shift in how soon audiences can rent hot new releases:

The real story here is that Warner Bros. Home Entertainment has broken the traditional VOD rental window. For awhile now, major studio movies become available for digital purchase a couple weeks before they hit Blu-ray and DVD, but they’re not available for rental at that time. It’s when a movie is released on Blu-ray and DVD that a movie becomes available for digital rental. But in this case, with the Blu-ray and DVD release of Birds of Prey slated for May 12, the movie is hitting VOD rental over a month early.

As IndieWire notes, this move has rocketed Birds of Prey to #1 on iTunes, but movie studios could be “playing with fire,” considering audiences were never quick to jump on the $19.99 purchase price for VOD releases. If studios begin to signal that they’ll shorten the rental window, there’s a good chance that cash-strapped audiences might just wait for the cheaper price. Then again, the dramatic increase in digital rentals could be the shot in the arm that studios are looking for while movie theaters sit empty.

(Via /Film, IndieWire)

After The Weeknd called Usher’s 2012 hit “Climax” a “Weeknd song” in a Variety profile, Usher himself checked in with his #ClimaxChallenge on social media, teasingly responding with a passive-aggressive, acapella rendition of his own song on social media. Now, Usher’s “Climax” collaborator Diplo is chiming in with his own take on the “controversy,” giving The Weeknd himself the perfect springboard to address the fan backlash.

The producer admitted that The Weeknd was indeed an inspiration for his work on Usher’s standout. “The production on ‘Climax’ lends itself to House Of Balloons era The Weeknd,” he tweeted. “When I heard those early records they blew my mind — soulful in their silences, and a spacey iconic voice that felt uniquely internet. The idea of R&B having dark edges was what I wanted to bring to Usher, one of my favorite voices of all time.” He also noted that “It was a song that always had a crescendo but never felt like it reached the peak” and compared it to how “some relationships never make it to where you want them but for a moment it could feel like ecstasy.”
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The Weeknd used the opportunity to make his statement, posting a screenshot to Instagram and adding, “Of course media blows everything out of proportion and takes things out of context. Usher is a king and always an inspiration so it was flattering to hear what him and Diplo did on ‘Climax.’”

Check out Diplo and The Weeknd’s responses above.