Trying to map out a return for sports leagues in the United States is tricky. There’s no guarantee that it’ll be safe for games to occur as long as social distancing is strongly recommended — something that makes participating in some kind of sporting event quite hard — and figuring out the issue of whether or not fans can attend looms over everything, among a handful of other questions that would need to be answered.
In the eyes of Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and a member of the White House’s coronavirus task force, there is a way that sports can resume sometime in the not too distant future. There are a few catches, though: Fauci, in a Snapchat interview with Peter Hamby of Good Morning America, believes games would need to occur without fans and with players staying in some sort of isolated area, like a hotel, where they could constantly get tested.
“There’s a way of doing that,” Fauci said. “Nobody comes to the stadium. Put them in big hotels, wherever you want to play, keep them very well surveilled, but have them tested every week and make sure they don’t wind up infecting each other or their family and just let them play the season out. People say, ‘Well, you can’t play without spectators,’ well, I think you’ll probably get enough buy-in from people who are dying to see a baseball game.”
This sort of plan has been kicked around by MLB, which is reportedly considering a bubble league in Arizona, while the NBA has reportedly floated the idea of doing something similar in a place like Las Vegas. These are not foolproof ideas, of course, and there are legitimate concerns about how feasible these things would be — especially when it comes to testing, as leagues would need thousands of tests a week at a time when the United States still is not testing nearly enough people.
Still, Fauci will presumably play a role in leagues deciding to restart, whenever that day may come, and if this is the best path forward, then perhaps we should expect serious conversations about these sorts of things rolling out sometime over the next few months.
The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow, and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.
In an alternate timeline, Joseph D’Agostino is on the road right now, promoting the excellent self-titled debut album from his new project, Empty Country. A vividly cinematic songwriter who garnered acclaim as the frontman of the intense, ’10s-era emo band Cymbals Eat Guitars, D’Agostino spent more than a year crafting the LP, which he released via Bandcamp last month. Artistically, it’s a triumph — you simply can’t find a better-written rock record at the moment. But, as is the case for nearly all indie artists, this fraught period has inevitably hurt his career.
It would be understandable if D’Agostino allowed the current pandemic to discourage him, given how it’s taken him out of commission as a touring act for the foreseeable future, right at the moment when he’s trying to get Empty Country in as many ears as possible without the benefit of a PR machine. But when reached recently at home in Philadelphia, he seemed pleased by how the album — which ranks among the very best indie releases to come out in the first quarter of 2020 — has done so far, due almost entirely to positive word of mouth.
“I think there was a really beautiful wave of support where a lot of people just kind of woke up and were like, ‘Oh my God, these people, whose sources of income is playing live shows, now can no longer even do that and you have to help them in some way,’” D’Agostino said. “So I definitely was able to ride that nice wave of goodwill and get the record out in the early days of quarantine and social distancing.”
Of course, D’Agostino by now is used to managing disasters, both universal and personal. In spite of how great the album is, Empty Country has marked a long, bad stretch of horrendous professional luck for him. Work on the album dates back to late 2017, right when Cymbals Eat Guitars was about to wrap a rocky, decade-long career marked by early indie fame and prolonged, post-buzz band disappointment. For his new group, D’Agostino resolved to move in a direction that was musically simpler and more focused on his highly visual storytelling lyrics. In Cymbals, he was already well-regarded for spinning narratives that mixed closely observed scenes taken from his own life with heavy doses of surrealism, an evocative if disorienting approach that made his songs feel like five-minute movies directed by David Lynch or Richard Kelly.
With Empty Country, he pared back his former band’s grandiosity and complicated song structures in favor of a highly stylized, alt-rock version of Americana, emphasizing sonic elements like Zena Kay’s pedal steel guitar to accentuate the anxious drama of his lyrics. The results are frequently stunning, like an early ’80s Springsteen record goosed with the extreme dynamics of prime-era Bright Eyes, with scores of deep and generous songs that demand dozens of close listens to decipher the myriad details that D’Agostino carefully places throughout, whether it’s the medium who sees her own death in “Marian” or the hollow-faced self-described sociopath with the unseemly 9/11 tattoo who narrates “Swim.”
Upon finishing the album in early 2019, D’Agostino “was ecstatic with it. I thought it was the best thing I ever did,” he said. That feeling is justified — along with 2014’s LOSE, Cymbals’ high-water creative mark, Empty Country is his richest work. However, many in D’Agostino’s professional circle didn’t agree. His manager and booking agent dropped him within 24 hours of hearing Empty Country. His attempts at shopping the album to top indie record labels also came up empty. The LP languished, and so did D’Agostino, who was already being treated for Bipolar II disorder. The shabby treatment of Empty Country sunk him even lower.
He eventually found a taker in the once well-regarded indie Tiny Engines, but that label collapsed before they could put out Empty Country amid accusations of financial impropriety from artists. D’Agostino now felt truly adrift, a feeling compounded from being prescribed an improper dose of his psychiatric medication. He even contemplated suicide, he admits.
And then came perhaps the worst blow of all: His songwriting idol David Berman, who had become a personal and artistic confidant while D’Agostino worked on Empty Country, took his own life in August of 2019, on the eve of a Purple Mountains tour that D’Agostino was set to join on select dates. To say that Berman’s death crushed him would be an understatement.
“I mean, I’ve been in therapy and everything, but I shared a lot of that with Dave, as well, deepest, darkest type stuff, and he was always very helpful,” he said. “So when he committed suicide … Just thinking about that song on the Purple Mountains record. All of them are just impossibly difficult to listen to now. But just like, ‘I Love Being My Mother’s Son.’ Because when he committed suicide, I just thought about how he must’ve just felt like a lost child. His mother was gone, and his father was a demon.”
And yet, in spite of all the adversity, the quality of Empty Country is undeniable. Thankfully it has seen the light of day, so that the rest of us can appreciate its brilliance. I talked to D’Agostino about the album, his personal and professional struggles, and his resolve to keep going.
When you were working on these songs, did you have a conceptual idea of what you wanted Empty Country to be? Did you define it against like what Cymbals Eat Guitars was?
I knew that for the new project I wanted to assume a little bit more responsibility over the whole proceeding. So I made it a point to write for every instrument and really work hard to make sure that everything was thought out pretty well. It was actually more akin to writing the first Cymbals albums than any of the ones that followed.
Cymbals had fallen into this [scene]. We did a lot of tours with bands like Say Anything and Brand New, pop-punk tours and things like that. I think that the sound of the band was influenced by the types of tours we were doing and the types of crowds we were playing in front of, and the types of career or success that we envisioned or hoped for ourselves. So with the new project, I had a resolve to not have that stuff figure into it.
This is sort of a vague comment, but Empty Country seems less bombastic and melodramatic than Cymbals. This is another dreadful term but “grown up” also comes to mind.
I think there was a conscious effort to not mellow it out and be a middle-aged guy in adult-contemporary music. But I definitely was trying to make a conscious decision to not have there be a lot of signature Cymbals moves, I guess you would call them, which are the signature Modest Mouse moves, or whatever else, that early Cymbals stuff was derived from. Just extreme loud, intense, screaming stuff, and intense bombast. I wanted this to be a little more laidback in the approach, and fewer parts, and just a little more easy-going in the song structures. Like the song “Becca,” for instance, it’s just three chords, except the bridge. Where in Cymbals I may have really tried to get 40 chords in there.
Was that motivated at all by a desire to bring the lyrics out more? Because as good as your words are, they could be hard to pick out in Cymbals Eat Guitars’ songs.
For sure. Especially on the songs that are more narrative driven like “Becca,” like “Swim,” like “Marian,” although you can still only hear 80 or 85 percent of it, if I’m being honest with myself. I always have been proud of the lyrics for most of the Cymbals stuff, so I did want them to be a little more audible, and just have the vocals fit in a way that accentuated more of what was going on lyrically rather than the wall-of-sound type approach.
I’m curious about your songwriting method, because you have lines in your songs that are so visual that they could also work in a short story or even a screenplay. For instance, the image in “Swim” of the guy with a tattoo of an airplane hitting one of the World Trade Center towers on Sept. 11. Have you ever considered writing in a different format?
I’ve never really written a short story outside of the time that I spent in primary school, and a little bit of college. I used to write poetry, but now rather than thinking about what I write as poetry, I just think about it as free verse to eventually be paired and shaped into lyrics for songs, for better or worse. That’s my medium, my niche, just the thing that I feel is the best vehicle for what I do.
With “Swim,” I actually got the idea of that song from my wife Rachel. When we were living in Kensington [a neighborhood in Philadelphia], she made the observation one day when we were sitting outside on our stoop that the family across the street, our neighbors, had old faces. Not in the sense of prematurely aged, but they looked like Dust Bowl era farmers, and from that, which I thought was true, I just started dreaming up the various characters. But there’s one that stuck out, that ended up the main character person in “Swim.”
I interviewed David Berman not long before he passed last year, and he brought you up, unprompted, in our conversation, singling you out as a “very good writer.”
Wow.
I know you two had a friendship, and of course you were set to open up a few dates of the Purple Mountains tour that never occurred. How did he influence you?
He’s my idol since I was 16. I fell in love with Starlite Walker and American Water and Natural Bridge, and to a slightly lesser extent, Bright Flight, which I told him, and he understood. [Laughs.] But when I was learning to drive, and driving by myself for the first time where I lived in South Jersey to Vintage Vinyl up in Fords, New Jersey to buy records, I was listening to his music, and his lyrics were everything that I wanted to ever come close to accomplishing. At the time I also had Actual Air, and I lived and breathed his music. It was a huge deal when Tanglewood Numbers came out. I was still in high school at the time, so I was really sucked in and I was this huge fan. Everything I ever did, everything I’ve ever done, is to some degree because of, or inspired by, or just filled with the energy that he kindled in me as a teenager and young adult. So yeah, his influence can’t be overstated.
I randomly met him in Nashville at two in the morning after a show that Cymbals played in 2015 to nobody. And he just walked up, and he was just so gracious, right from the very beginning. For all the Empty Country songs, each one, he was one of maybe four or five people I would send my demos to. And Dave Berman would always be the first to respond, and he would always say something A) encouraging, but B) that would turn me on my ear, in a helpful way. I think he was a natural teacher. I do feel, for a precious couple of years, I was able to have this masterclass. But he didn’t try to exert anything, any kind of influence, to whatever I was doing, although I remember once he said to me, “You should try singing in a lower register.”
When I interviewed Berman, he specifically praised the Empty Country album, which you hadn’t announced yet. And he mentioned how good of a writer you are while also complaining that he couldn’t understand all the lyrics.
Yeah, he was like, “There’s been a lot of these helium boy, like Mercury Rev-type singers,” and I was like, Dave, my voice isn’t low. [Laughs.] I sing the way I sing because it’s how I sing. So he was able to get with that eventually. He realized I couldn’t change, it’s a physical thing in my throat.
You had a terrible run of bad career luck with this album before it came out. You’ve said it eventually culminated with a mental breakdown. Do you want to talk about that?
I was undiagnosed Bipolar II for my entire life, up until I was 28, and the doctor I was seeing at the time, when all the bad stuff started happening after the record was done, had me on Wellbutrin, and they upped the dose when I got extra despondent. But it kind of did the opposite of what you think a drug like Wellbutrin would do. It drove me into the ground. It was just the difference between 150 mg and 300 mg, taking more of it just made everything so much worse, and I definitely had suicidal ideation.
When something that I put so much into was rejected in the way that it was, and in combination with this disastrous medication change, I was just in bed thinking about what it would be like to have my brains smashed against the asphalt, or jumping off of the top of the house that I live in, or just smashing my face into my desk repeatedly, and knocking out my teeth, and breaking my nose, and just wanting to hurt myself and be hurt. Obviously something was very wrong on a chemical level. Thankfully, I was able to figure that out, with the help of my wife Rachel and a doctor. Once I got on Prozac, things started to become a little less bleak. I don’t know what would have happened if I wasn’t medicated through Dave’s suicide.
So this happened before he died?
It was before Dave died. I’m sure you know what he was going through. You talked to him. He was like a TMI machine as far as depression and medication-resistant depression. He and I would talk about medications and we were both on Wellbutrin and would share our experiences and just talk about what had worked over the years for him. Since I was relatively new to psych meds, he was there to be a sounding board.
After everything you’ve been through, how do you feel about making another record after this? Is that something you want to do? I would understand if you just felt like, “This is too much for me. I don’t know if I can put myself this.” But you’re also really great at it. Where are you at with that?
I haven’t finished a song in a couple of years, but that is kind of the way it’s always been. I’ll finish something on this record, and then I will bask in the glow of having finished something that I’m proud of for a while, and not put any pressure on myself, and just read a lot, and watch a lot of movies, and try and make myself happy through other people’s art. And that invariably results in something coming out. Aside from my own death, I don’t think anything is going to change that.
Especially now, the situation being what it is with social isolation and everything, I would give anything to go back to the worst attended, most brutal Cymbals show in Oklahoma City. I would do anything to go back there and to play with them. Just a rehearsal. And it hasn’t been that long. Playing shows is all I did for 10 years, and haven’t played many since 2017. I feel like when I’m in a room with these people again — with [his Empty Country bandmates] Dan, and Pat, and Rachel, and Zena, and Zoe — I am just going to be so elated just to be there.
Empty Country is out now on Get Better Records. Get it here.
After having his lyrical skills questioned time and time again, Big Sean finally stood up for himself after 2 Chainz laid claim to an accomplishment Sean wanted for himself: The best verse on their 2012 hit “Mercy.” The lead single from GOOD Music’s compilation album Cruel Summer, “Mercy” featured verses from 2 Chainz, Big Sean, Kanye West, and Pusha T and was a massive hit, with a Scooby Doo-esque video that stayed in rotation on music video countdowns and a widespread debate about which of the four rappers delivered the best bars.
According to 2 Chainz (naturally), he had the best verse on the song. In an Instagram post, he both asked and answered the question of which verse topped them all, writing in the caption: “No disrespect but I kilt all dem boys.” However, Sean took issue with Chainz’s assessment and it’s no surprise; in 2013, he similarly had a song swiped from under him after the rap internet went utterly ballistic over Kendrick Lamar’s name-calling verse on the leaked “Control.”
On the latest episode of The Rap Pack podcast, Sean explained that he just had to check his compadre over the claim. “I immediately called him like, ‘What the f*ck you talkin’ about bro?’” he says, grinning. “He was like, ‘No, no, I wasn’t talking about you, bro. I was talkin’ about the whole game. Obviously everybody on there was going crazy.’ I’m like, ‘That’s not how it seemed.’”
However, he says there were no hard feelings after he explained, “I was like, ‘N****, as far as ‘Mercy’ goes, I was the first one doing my verse on the song. Like, it was just the beat and I freestyled my verse. I did it without trying and Kanye was the one who loved it so much… He didn’t have no objections to that. He knew. I’ve done a lot of songs with 2 Chainz. I was gonna be like, ‘Oh OK, I got you on ‘K.O’ and ‘All Me’ and ‘Big Bank.’ But that’s my brother. We was just really kinda kidding around.”
In any case, with 2 Chainz looking for a Verzuz hit battle partner, he may have just found the perfect matchup in Big Sean. Let’s all bother Swizz Beats into making it happen.
Cardi B and Bernie Sanders have become an unlikely duo over the past year or so, starting with their political phone calls last summer. Around that time, the two sat down for a lengthy interview, and now the pair has reconvened for another filmed chat.
Sanders and Cardi had a livestream conversation on YouTube yesterday, and during their time together, the two talked about the coronavirus pandemic and the upcoming election. Sanders shared his thoughts about when he believes the country can return to normalcy, saying, “Nobody knows exactly, but it will probably be at different times in different places in the country. It will not be all at once. Nobody is going to turn on a switch and America returns to where it was.”
Cardi also said of Sanders’ Joe Biden endorsement, “The youth don’t really rock with Joe Biden because he’s conservative.” Sanders went on to say, however, that he’s throwing his support behind Biden because “Donald Trump is the most dangerous president in the modern history of America.
Elsewhere, Cardi spoke about Trump’s response to the pandemic, saying, “One thing that baffles my mental, right, about number 45, is that, when this coronavirus news was hitting and everything, he just kept blaming, that this was a move by the Democrats to make him look bad. That everything the Democrats do is bad propaganda to make him look bad. Honey, you don’t need the Democrats to make you look bad. You make your own self look bad.”
Watch the video above. The conversation begins at 36:55 into the video.
Cardi B is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Remember in Reign of Fire when Christian Bale and Gerard Butler act out Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader’s lightsaber duel on the Cloud City gantry from The Empire Strikes Back? So, I just reread that opening sentence and that makes quite an assumption that you are at all familiar with the 2002 Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale vehicle, Reign of Fire. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Reign of Fire is a post-apocalyptic movie, set in the year 2020, where dragons rule the earth and human beings are bunkered down, fighting for their very existence.
The reason I bring up that particular scene is it shows us how, in that world, stories were kept alive, even though the characters have no access to televisions or DVD players. (Even if they did, the characters would still be stuck with The Special Edition versions of Star Wars, just like we are. I assume Bale and Butler skip the CGI Jabba scene from A New Hope.) Instead, the stories have to be acted out to pass them on, as Bale’s character even takes full credit for coming up with the story in front of all the wide-eyed youngsters gathered to watch. I feel that, in our reality right now, the movie that’s acted out in our future won’t be The Empire Strikes Back. If humanity almost fully collapses, future children will gather around and watch adults act out Trolls World Tour.
I never saw the first Trolls. Before I watched Trolls World Tour, I had no idea what happened in the first movie and, now, after watching Trolls World Tour, I still don’t. The only thing that matters are the events of Trolls World Tour. (Maybe it’s fitting because I saw The Empire Strikes Back before I ever saw the original Star Wars. I digress.) I long resisted the temptations of Trolls World Tour (well, for three days or so anyway; but it sure feels a lot longer than three days so I’m going to pretend I held out for a month) before finally succumbing to its beautiful siren song of “new content.”
It certainly feels like an important movie. The gist being that it’s the first movie that was slated for a theatrical release that, instead of delaying indefinitely, wound up being, instead, pumped straight into our homes, in exchange for a monetary fee. And there is something kind of exciting about watching it at home in a, “Oh, this was supposed to be in theaters right now” kind of way. Universal issued a press release on Monday that claimed it was their biggest digital release of all time. There are no specific numbers attached, but I don’t doubt this is true since everyone seems to have Trolls World Tour madness right now – which is why I watched it in the first place so I could at least understand all the future Trolls World Tour pop culture references for the rest of my life.
Is this a game-changer? You know what, I doubt it. I think people are just bored. If I could have done anything other than watch Trolls World Tour that involved leaving my apartment, I certainly would have. If literally one bar were open in New York City and it were safe to go there, I’d be there right now instead of writing about Trolls World Tour. But, guess what? I’m currently writing about Trolls World Tour and, I have to admit, enjoying myself while doing it.
And the funny thing about Trolls World Tour is, in a normal headspace, there’s no way I’d enjoy this movie. I’m still self-aware enough to know this about myself. But, in my current headspace, I found myself loving it and having a million questions about it: Why are the rock music trolls so adamant that everyone must love rock music? Why is the smooth jazz bounty hunter treated so unfairly since smooth jazz is a calming agent we probably could all use more of right now. I demand justice for the smooth jazz bounty hunter! He got a raw deal. Then he swore he’d be back, but I sure didn’t see him again. If there were a $20 option for a Trolls World Tour: Smooth Jazz Bounty Hunter movie, I’d buy it right now. (Somewhat related: I listen way too much to the Yacht Rock Sirius station these days.) Then I’d happily write, oh, 705 words about it (so far). Look, I am in desperate need for entertainment and if Trolls World Tour is all you’re selling, well, right now, I’m buying. And here’s another thing: I like everything right now. There are no bad movies. If your piece of entertainment can knock off a couple hours of my day, that’s literally all I’m asking for right now.
Would I buy Trolls World Tour on demand under normal circumstances? No. Or, if other movies were also released and competing against it? Well, right now, I’d probably wind up eventually getting to it. But, that’s why I’m not so sure the current idea that “this is our future” is accurate.
Oh, sure, there will be, and should be, adjustments to theatrical windows and stuff like that. But I’m not sure this is the right time to judge the future of skipping theaters all together when a movie like Trolls World Tour has my undivided attention. Because, hopefully, a day will come again when Trolls World Tour is not the cultural event of our lifetime. But, for now, it is. And I suppose there’s also the chance, a few years from now, Christian Bale and Gerard Butler will be acting out the scene where Queen Poppy and Queen Barb have their climatic showdown to decide who rules music forever. (Also, I should note, I really miss leaving my apartment and “doing things.” But, in the meantime, long live Trolls World Tour.)
After Parasite won Best Picture (which was, somehow, only nine weeks ago), it received a 230 percent “bump” at the domestic box office, eventually pushing its total to $53.48 million. The Bong Joon Ho-directed film is now the fourth highest-grossing foreign language movie of all-time, behind only Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Life is Beautiful, and Hero, but there’s still a lot of people who never caught it in theaters. And nearly as many who wanted to re-watch it, based on figures provided by Hulu.
IndieWirereports that since debuting on the streaming service on April 8, Parasite has “become the most streamed independent or foreign language film among all titles available on Hulu.” Not only that, but the dark comedy-thriller (along with about seven other genres) is “now the second most-watched movie overall on Hulu ever among titles currently available to stream.” That means in a single week, Parasite has already been streamed more times than Aquaman, A Quiet Place, and Bohemian Rhapsody, among other “blockbuster” titles, during the entire time they’ve been on Hulu. Not too shabby.
Kanye West knows what people think about My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy — a fan and critical favorite that many consider to be the best album in his discography — but as it turns out, he has a contrarian opinion about that too. In a new GQ profile of the mercurial, multihyphenate superstar — May’s cover story — Kanye reveals that he thinks “Power” was his worst lead single and questions why people thought Fantasy was so much better than its predecessor or what came next.
“All these people say Dark Fantasy was this album that was so good, and then people didn’t like 808s, they didn’t like Yeezus,” he explains. “Dark Fantasy, I just made it to that level because people were saying my career was going to be over. I always felt like “Power” was my weakest first single that I ever had, because I felt like it was bowing to the expectations.”
He also elaborated on what made “Power” so unremarkable in his mind. “Just like, ‘Here’s the ultimate Kanye West song!’” he says. “Versus ‘Love Lockdown?’ ‘Can’t Tell Me Nothing?’ ‘Diamonds?’ ‘Follow God?’ I always do the songs that people never heard before. But you had actually heard ‘Power’ before. You heard ‘Crack Music.’ You heard ‘Amazing.’ You heard that song before! It’s just a mix of things.”
The NFL Draft is just over a week away, offering a rare, actual sporting event to dive into in this time of uncertainty and live sports being on hold. As such, there is maybe more attention being paid to this year’s NFL Draft than usual — a high bar to clear for something that’s become a weekend long, primetime event — but often lost in the dissection of the prospects is an appreciation for what they did at the collegiate level.
There’s a necessity to doing so in scouting, but sometimes there’s a paralysis by analysis in these exercises where you get so caught up in projecting what someone might be able to do with their tools at the NFL level that you overlook what they were (or weren’t) able to do at the collegiate level. As such, we have decided to hold a two round mock draft selecting players based solely on their college career, a mixture of how good and how fun they were. To ensure we didn’t just take all the wide receivers and running backs in the top 20, we drafted based off team need, using The Draft Network’s top needs as our guiding light in the exercise, and were only able to pick from the top three positions of need at each spot (leading to some slides by certain guys).
Bill won a coin toss so he had odd picks, while Robby had even picks. As one would expect, there are surprises and some surefire first or second round picks that slide or don’t get selected at all, but at the same time there aren’t a ton of wild picks in here. The ones that did jump are guys that we are confident are going to be good in the NFL that get overlooked due to concerns about size or speed, but when you put on the tape simply produce and are good football players.
Without further ado, we begin our mock with a bit of a shuffle at the top of the quarterback board.
1. Bengals: Tua Tagovailoa, QB (Alabama)
This was a tough one, but ultimately, Tagovailoa was a fun college football player from the moment he stepped onto the field as a true freshman. Joe Burrow’s senior year was lights out and a joy to watch, but on the totality of their careers, Tua goes No. 1.
2. Redskins: Chase Young, EDGE (Ohio State)
One of the most dominant players in recent memory in college football, Young seems to be a future perennial presence in Pro Bowls and vying for All-Pro teams as a defensive end. The choice here should be pretty easy.
3. Lions: Jeffrey Okudah, CB (Ohio State)
A cornerback who takes away half the field, mans dudes up, and has absolutely insane ball skills? Not only do the Lions need that, but there are 31 other teams that would do anything for a player like Okudah.
4. Giants: Isaiah Simmons, LB (Clemson)
When you lead the third-ranked scoring defense in the country in tackles, tackles for loss, and sacks, you’re pretty good. Simmons played all over the field at Clemson and will continue to do so at the NFL level as a linebacker that can play some safety but also come in as a lethal pass rusher in certain packages.
5. Dolphins: Joe Burrow, QB (LSU)
Burrow’s senior campaign was the most electrifying we have ever seen from a college quarterback. While we have Tagovailoa atop this draft because of his entire career, no player in college football was more exciting than Jeaux Burreaux was last year.
6. Chargers: Jalen Hurts, QB (Alabama)
There really isn’t much debate to be had about which quarterback in this class had the third best college career. Hurts was terrific at Alabama and was even better, statistically, when unleashed in Lincoln Riley’s offense at Oklahoma. He’s more likely to be a third round pick in the actual draft, but when picking off college production, there’s little to argue about here.
7. Panthers: Derrick Brown, DT (Auburn)
A monster who plays with a furious motor, explodes off the line of scrimmage, and helps his team against the run and the pass. Blocking him seems like it would really, really, REALLY suck.
8. Cardinals: Tristan Wirfs, OT (Iowa)
Can offensive linemen be fun? Absolutely. The secret is to be some combination of freakishly large and freakishly athletic, with some nasty to you that pops on film. There are a number of those guys in this draft, but there’s maybe no one that is a greater athletic marvel than the Iowa tackle.
9. Jaguars: Antoine Winfield Jr., S (Minnesota)
It is not hard to see how having a Pro Bowl defensive back for a father has rubbed off on the younger Winfield. He’s not the fastest safety and there are some injury concerns, but my god, he is an unreal center fielder and he is not afraid to mix it up. As a Penn State fan, I lost a night of sleep over what Winfield did in the defensive backfield against my beloved Nittany Lions. I would have been way angrier if he was not so breathtaking to watch.
10. Browns: Mekhi Becton, OT (Louisville)
Speaking of freakishly large and freakishly fast, meet Mekhi Becton. The Louisville tackle damn near cracked five seconds in the 40 at the Combine despite being the largest human being there. His tape will yield a number of audible gasps and laughs when he gets his mitts on a poor defender as he simply dominates and throws guys around.
11. Jets: Jerry Jeudy, WR (Alabama)
There has not been a more technically sound receiver to come out of college in some time. CeeDee Lamb and Henry Ruggs are better home-run hitters, but Jeudy can grind corners into dust based solely on his ability to just do things right. There is a relentlessness to his game that is spellbinding. There is also no wrong answer as to which order the Jeudy and the next two dudes go in.
12. Raiders: CeeDee Lamb, WR (Oklahoma)
Few receivers in the country elicited more fear in opponents than Lamb. He’s not quite the technician Jeudy is, but he’s a skilled route-runner with unbelievable speed for his size. He regularly could be found running through defensive backs before running away from others at Oklahoma and was a big reason those Sooner quarterbacks have looked so good the last few years.
13. Niners: Henry Ruggs III, WR (Alabama)
Can you imagine the Niners offense getting faster? Here they get the Bama burner that was upset by running “only” a high 4.2’s 40 at the Combine.
14. Buccaneers: Jonathan Taylor, RB (Wisconsin)
Taylor will likely not be a first round pick partially due to what makes him the top running back taken in this draft. He was unbelievably productive at Wisconsin, racking up over 900 carries in his career that saw him rush for more than 6,000 yards and 50 touchdowns. He’s incredibly fast and when he puts a foot in the ground and hits the hole, he does so with conviction and the intent to go the distance.
15. Broncos: Justin Jefferson, WR (LSU)
Jefferson is the kind of receiver who turns 50/50 balls into 70/30 balls. Part of the reason Burrow was so good last year was that he could throw it anywhere near Jefferson and odds were he was coming down with it. He is a beast, and even if he lacks the game-changing speed and athleticism of some others, he’d be the WR1 or WR2 in most other drafts.
16. Falcons: Kristian Fulton, CB (LSU)
Fulton is so good that opposing offenses regularly chose to target superstar freshman Derek Stingley Jr. instead, which is part of why Stingley led the team in most all statistical categories in the secondary. He, too, will be a first round pick when his turn comes, but right now that honor belongs to Fulton, who consistently shut down his man and was a catalyst for the dominant LSU defense.
Alabama linemen are always fun. The Tide were, per usual, a nasty group up front and Wills was a big part of that dominance. He’s big, long and is quick in a phone booth, able to mirror defensive ends and stone them in their tracks with a punch.
19. Raiders: Javon Kinlaw, DT (South Carolina)
He’s big, he’s powerful, and he explodes off the line. Interior defensive linemen who can blow up what the other team is trying to do are fun. Kinlaw is one such player, and for his faults with offenses, Will Muschamp can coach up defensive players.
20. Jaguars: C.J. Henderson, CB (Florida)
Henderson failed to log a pick this past season, but like Fulton, a big reason for that is opposing offenses tended to shy away from his side of the field. He had six picks in his three year career, including four as a freshman before the SEC realized they were better off looking elsewhere in the Gators secondary.
21. Eagles: Laviska Shenault, WR (Colorado)
Shenault plays wide receiver the same way that a really good power forward rebounds the basketball. He’s big and physical and will use his size and powerful hands to reel in the ball at all costs. Dude is a warrior, and putting him with a QB like Carson Wentz would be a blast.
22. Vikings: Lynn Bowden, Football Player (Kentucky)
Aside from Hurts (and maybe including Hurts) this might be the biggest reach of this format compared to the actual draft, but I stand by it. Lynn Bowden did, quite literally, everything at Kentucky. He led the team in rushing, receiving, and was their second leading passer, closing the season out at quarterback where he primarily ran the ball (effectively, I might add) despite teams knowing that was coming. He is one of the best football players in this draft and when a smart team takes him late on Day 2 or early on Day 3, they’ll be getting someone that can impact the game in so many ways.
23. Patriots: Anthony Gordon, QB (Washington State)
We’re going for fun, and what is more fun than a chaotic Wazzu gunslinger? The Patriots need a quarterback after Touchdown Tom left and Gordon’s chutzpah is damn near unmatched in this class. There has been exactly one good Mike Leach QB in the NFL, but they’re all masters in the art of entertaining college football, and since that is our goal with this mock draft, go get paid, Anthony.
24. Saints: Kenneth Murray, LB (Oklahoma)
Kenneth Murray was the glue that held together the Oklahoma defense, and he did so without a ton of elite level talent around him. Murray led the team in tackles and tackles for loss, and was third in sacks (which is mildly absurd for a middle linebacker). He flies to the football and is a sure tackler, and would immediately bring a positive upgrade to the Saints linebacking corps.
25. Vikings: K’Lavon Chaisson, EDGE (LSU)
The numbers aren’t there and he tore his ACL in 2018, but Chaisson is a nuclear athlete whose explosiveness and motor are scary. In the right situation, the dude is going to be a monster. Even if he doesn’t end up in such a place, the stuff he can do that no one else can do will make him must-watch on occasion.
26. Dolphins: Xavier McKinney, S (Alabama)
Safeties at Alabama are going to be asked to do a lot, given that’s Nick Saban’s old position, and McKinney handled that role well. The Tide weren’t the defensive stalwarts we’re accustomed to, in part due to some youth in the front seven, but McKinney led the team in tackles, was second in interceptions, and was somehow fourth in sacks from his safety spot. He’s a physical safety with plenty of ballhawk abilities, and would be a nice addition to Miami’s secondary.
27. Seahawks: Andrew Thomas, OT (Georgia)
Not the freak athlete of the other two OTs who went in the first round, but Thomas is big and nasty and a joy to watch. His fall had more to do with other teams having more pressing needs, but the Seahawks would do anything short of giving up Russell Wilson and Bobby Wagner for someone as good as him.
28. Ravens: Tee Higgins, WR (Clemson)
The one thing missing for the Ravens is a big, physically dominant receiver on the outside. That would change with Tee Higgins. The Clemson standout has caught over 2,000 yards of passes the last two years, including 25 touchdowns, and would immediately upgrade the Ravens receiving corps. He’d bring them a different dynamic on the outside and another red zone threat for Lamar Jackson to expand their passing game further outside the numbers after being so reliant on tight ends and slot receivers a year ago.
29. Titans: Alex Highsmith, EDGE (Charlotte)
Whew lord can Alex Highsmith flat-out play. He’s an explosive athlete with a motor that can best be described as “always turned to 11” and had 15 sacks last season for Charlotte. Mike Vrabel would adore him.
30. Packers: K.J. Hamler, WR (Penn State)
Aaron Rodgers could use some more toys, and Hamler would be awfully fun in the slot in Green Bay. He’s not a big receiver, but he’s shifty and has serious juice when you get him the ball in the open field. He has been, by far, the leading receiver at Penn State the last two years and would bring another dimension to the Packers offense.
31. Niners: Jeff Gladney, CB (TCU)
An incredibly quick corner with the nastiness you expect out of a TCU player, Gladney is at his best manning dudes up. He’s not some crazy, ballhawking corner, but the dude can play, has great instincts and the Niners could use him in their defensive backfield.
32. Chiefs: J.K. Dobbins, RB (Ohio State)
Kansas City has regularly been mocked as taking a running back at the end of the first round, and for good reason. They have the luxury of being able to go BPA here and, with few teams in the first valuing backs, they’ll be great options. Based off college production, Dobbins gets the nod over Swift. The Ohio State back was not just a 2,000 yard rusher last season, but he’s a capable pass catcher out of the backfield and has tremendous speed and physicality.
Reminiscent of Vontaze Burfict. Gay is a violent, aggressive, and talented linebacker who competes on every single play and can just make things happen. He also has discipline questions, both on and off the field (he missed eight games last year due to a suspension), and can sometimes run a bit too hot. Reel in some of his bad habits and dude is going to be a playmaker at the heart of a defense for a long, long time.
34. Colts: Brandon Aiyuk, WR (Arizona State)
Aiyuk is a favorite of draft folks for a reason. He is a pretty big receiver who has great speed and big play ability. Aiyuk was freshman QB Jaden Daniels’ favorite target a year ago, hauling in 65 catches for just under 1,200 yards and eight touchdowns. On top of that, he’s a very good return man and will immediately bring some extra value on special teams.
35. Lions: Cesar Ruiz, C (Michigan)
Center’s a tough position, but Ruiz is the best in this draft class. Dude’s big and nasty with the necessary football IQ to make up for the fact that he doesn’t have the measurables you might want. Still, someone is going to like him, and for us, that someone is a stone’s throw away from where Ruiz played his college ball.
36. Giants: Isaiah Wilson, OT (Georgia)
Let’s get Saquon Barkley a treat in the form of the 6’6, 350 pound behemoth that is Isaiah Wilson. He’s going to be a right tackle in the NFL because his big question mark is whether he’s got the foot speed to handle elite pass rushers, but when you let him go downhill in the run game, he is an absolute road grader. He straight up mauled folks at Georgia and the Giants, with their obsession with running the dang ball, might be the perfect fit for his skillset.
37. Chargers: Josh Jones, OT (Houston)
Jones has all the raw talent you would want but is a gigantic (literally, he’s 6’5 and 311) ball of clay. When he was matched up against AAC defensive players, he’d rag doll them. It’ll be hard to translate that to the NFL, but if he can, look out.
38. Panthers: Patrick Queen, LB (LSU)
Queen is the latest star linebacker out of LSU, and while he’s not as coveted as Devin White, he was highly productive in his season as a starter in the middle of the national title winning defense. He’s got excellent speed (4.5 in the 40) and racked up 85 tackles, including 12 for loss. He’s not the absolute strongest middle backer, but he flies to the ball and has the intangibles you want from a starting middle linebacker in the NFL.
39. Dolphins: D’Andre Swift, RB (Georgia)
Swift is the best and most well-rounded back in this class, but playing in Georgia’s offense kinda limited his ability to take over games by doing fun stuff that showcased his ability as a runner and a receiver. He is going to be a monster in the NFL and it is wild that he lasted this long.
40. Texans: Zack Baun, EDGE (Wisconsin)
He’s not as big as some teams might want from their defensive end spot, but he can straight up get after it. Baun had 76 tackles, 19.5 for loss, and 12.5 sacks last season at Wisconsin, dominating opposing tackles with his burst off the line. Once he’s in the backfield, he’s a pretty sure tackler. He’s got a good motor, scraping and pursuing down the line from the backside, and should be effective getting to the quarterback in the NFL.
41. Browns: Evan Weaver, LB (Cal)
Ah damn all my analysis here got tackled by Evan Weaver. He is tackling me as I write this, and you as you are reading this. He will tackle god some day. Evan Weaver tackles everything, and he is a delight.
42. Jaguars: Ross Blacklock, DT (TCU)
This is lower than Blacklock will probably actually go, but it’s hard for defensive tackles to really pop at the college level. Still, the TCU standout made his presence felt with 40 tackles, nine for loss, and 3.5 sacks. He’ll need to go to the right situation given that he’s not the biggest or most powerful tackle, but he loves to get upfield and attack.
43. Bears: A.J. Terrell, CB (Clemson)
Terrell isn’t quite physical enough to win battles, but he has no qualms about getting into them. He is a smooth, patient corner who can bait QBs into throws and go make a play on the ball, and would make for one heck of an addition to the Bears defense.
44. Colts: Justin Herbert, QB (Oregon)
It’s finally time. I knew this exercise would drop Herbert significantly, but even with the warranted questions about some of what he did at Oregon, he was very productive and efficient. The knock on Herbert is a lack of consistent aggression, as he didn’t push the ball downfield as much as we’d like to have seen out of someone with the raw talent he has. Still, he had 32 touchdowns to just six picks last year and would be a steal at this point in the draft.
45. Buccaneers: Tyler Johnson, WR (Minnesota)
This is 100 percent off of personal preference, but Johnson is a technician at WR. He was coached up by P.J. Fleck and it shows — he’s sure-handed, fights hard for 50/50 balls, and runs some of the most crisp routes you will see from someone coming out of college. I do not think he will go in the second round, and he might fall to day three, but I will bet on this dude being a very good pro. Adding him to a Bucs passing attack that includes Mike Evans and Chris Godwin would be horrifying.
46. Broncos: Trevon Diggs, CB (Alabama)
Diggs is a big, physical corner who was excellent at Alabama, but personally gets dinged a bit because I cannot get the LSU tape out of my head when he was regularly run through by Clyde Edwards-Helaire on the perimeter. Otherwise, he’s a very talented corner who was highly productive in his time in T-Town and will likely be a very solid player at the next level, if not a very good one.
47. Falcons: Cam Akers, RB (Florida State)
I believe that Akers not being one of the 2-3 best backs in this draft is a product of Florida State being a mess. He has to shore up ball security and work on catching passes, but he’s an explosive, powerful running back who would be a welcomed addition into Atlanta’s backfield.
48. Jets: Bradlee Anae, EDGE (Utah)
I love Utah guys, and Bradlee Anae was a monster for the Utes last year. He is a pass rush specialist, racking up 13 sacks in his 41 tackles. He’s not the fastest or strongest, but he’s a grinder and was a big time player on one of the nation’s best defensive units.
49. Steelers: Raekwon Davis, DT (Alabama)
He plateaued after a monster campaign two years ago, but Davis possesses a whole lot of raw power and physicality. Davis can manhandle opposing offensive linemen, and at this point, that’s extremely fun.
50. Bears: Lloyd Cushenberry III, C (LSU)
The LSU offensive line was maybe the most under-appreciated part of last year’s title run, and the man in the middle of it was Cushenberry. The big fella was a rock at center, more than capable as a run blocker or in pass pro. He’ll be a nice Day 2 pickup for someone as he’s a big, physical guy with the intangibles you want out of a center with how much lifting he had to do making calls at the line for the LSU offense.
51. Cowboys: A.J. Epenesa, EDGE (Iowa)
He’s long and smooth while also packing a punch. The game looks easy for Epenesa at times, and when he can impose his will against offensive linemen, he can make offensive coordinators reconsider testing him. While he lacks the lightning-quick ability off the line some other DEs possess, his power is nothing to scoff at.
Appalachian State’s defense was very strong last year and Davis-Gaither was a big part of making it go. He had 104 tackles, including a team-high 14.5 for loss, and while he’ll get docked for size his productivity and motor is undeniable.
53. Eagles: Shaq Quarterman, LB (Miami FL)
In this house we stan Shaq Quarterman, who had 356 tackles in four years at The U. We do not care if he’s not particularly athletic and his range suffers as a result, he is an intense middle linebacker who will hit opposing players hard. A bit of a throwback, and throwbacks are fun, especially at middle linebacker.
54. Bills: Yetur Gross-Matos, EDGE (Penn State)
This is far too low for YGM, but the Bills would get a steal in this scenario. Gross-Matos didn’t take the leap some were hoping he would in Happy Valley, but he still had 15 tackles for loss and 9.5 sacks on a very good defense.
55. Ravens: Troy Dye, LB (Oregon)
Kind of the opposite of Quarterman — an insane athlete whose explosiveness and range are hilarious. He does not process the game as well as you’d like, but he is still a good football player and has the upside to become a very, very good football player.
56. Dolphins: Josh Uche, EDGE (Michigan)
Uche is a tremendous athlete and was productive at Michigan, racking up 8.5 sacks and 11.5 tackles for loss. There’s some question about where exactly he fits at the NFL level, but as a rush linebacker he can bring some dynamic ability and when he looked good, he looked really good in Ann Arbor.
57. Texans: Jalen Reagor, WR (TCU)
He has crazy speed and quickness, while physicality and drops are both concerns. But like KJ Hamler, Reagor is a guy who can just make stuff happen when you get the ball in his hands, and the thought of him playing with Deshaun Watson has me all excited.
58. Vikings: Noah Igbinoghene, CB (Auburn)
Another guy going off the board far later than he actually will, the Vikings get a spectacular value in the Auburn product. Igbinoghene locked down his man regularly and quarterbacks weren’t keen to try him, and aside from his skills as a cover man he also has some serious special teams upside, returning nine kickoffs last year for Auburn for a 35.2 yard average including taking one back to the house.
59. Seahawks: Chase Claypool, WR (Notre Dame)
A monster. Claypool is huge (6’4, 238), strong, and ran a 4.42 40 at the combine, the seventh-fastest among wide receivers. His high points at Notre Dame were quite impressive, and while he may never be a particularly quick guy, he’s a bully on the outside. Go watch his tape against Navy. Unless, of course, you suited up in the Midshipmen’s secondary that afternoon.
60. Ravens: Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB (LSU)
Why not keep giving Lamar more toys in the form of a dynamic pass-catching back to play off of Mark Ingram. Edwards-Helaire was a revelation for the LSU offense and would be an ideal third down back in Baltimore, serving as a capable blocker and a terrific receiver out of the backfield.
61. Titans: Neville Gallimore, DT (Oklahoma)
Gallimore’s a big and quick option in the middle of a defensive line. It’s not always easy to tell how good someone who plays defense at Oklahoma actually is, but Gallimore has the tools to become a dangerous interior defensive lineman. The Titans are the kind of team that can get that out of him.
62. Packers: Jaylon Johnson, CB (Utah)
Remember my fondness for Utah guys? Here’s another in Jaylon Johnson, who has excellent size at 6’, 193 pounds and was very productive at Utah with two picks and 11 pass deflections. He could very well go higher than this as well, because as teams continue to dig into tape during this time without individual workouts, his production is going to cause someone to fall in love with him.
63. Chiefs: Damon Arnette, CB (Ohio State)
I wonder how good we’d view Arnette if his bookend at corner for the Buckeyes wasn’t one of the best corner prospects to come out in some time. He battles with receivers and has zero issue mixing it up with them, while his ball skills are rather impressive. Jeffrey Okudah is more fun, but that says more about Okudah than it does Arnette.
64. Seahawks: Curtis Weaver, EDGE (Boise State)
The more I’ve thought about this, the more I think we let Weaver slip too far. He was a monster at Boise, racking up 18.5 tackles for loss including 13.5 sacks. He’s not the best athlete of the bunch, but he’s got a great motor and he’s always been highly productive. He might slip to late Day 2 in the actual draft and someone could very well get a steal.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy
Privacy Overview
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
