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Just days after shooting down a Chinese spy balloon off the coast of South Carolina, the Biden Administration has confirmed that another “high-altitude object” was shot down over Alaska on Friday. Little is known about the object’s origins, but it is reportedly smaller than the spy balloon and was reportedly destroyed out of an “abundance of caution” because it posed a potential threat to civilian aircraft. Like the spy balloon, it was taken out while still over water to minimize a risk of property damage or injury.

National Security Council coordinator John Kirby provided the White House Press Corps with details. Via CNN:

“We’re calling this an object because that’s the best description we have right now. We don’t know who owns it – whether it’s state-owned or corporate-owned or privately owned, we just don’t know,” Kirby said.

He added: “We don’t have any information that would confirm a stated purpose for this object. We do expect to be able to recover the debris since it fell not only within our territorial space, but on what we what believe is frozen water. So a recovery effort will be made and we’re hopeful that it will be successful and then we can learn a little bit more about it.”

Kirby also revealed that the object was roughly the size of a small car and President Biden was “absolutely” involved in the decision to shoot it down. However, despite Biden acting quickly this time around, Fox News somehow found a way to make this development a negative for the president even though he did exactly what conservatives criticized for not doing with the Chinese spy balloon.

The Fox News reporter who tried to spin the incident was quickly roasted on Twitter:

(Via CNN)

Three is the magic number, but it looks like Nas isn’t keeping his King’s Disease album series to a trilogy. At least, not if you believe 50 Cent, who says he’s working with his fellow Queens native and former G-Unit rival on the next installment of the series. As noted by Okayplayer, 50 told Billboard in his new cover story, that he’s slated to feature on King’s Disease IV, although there’s not that much detail included.

In the 2000s, to say that 50 and Nas didn’t quite get along would be an understatement. Although Nas had helped 50 early in his career, their relationship soured as 50 became more popular. 50 told MTV, “Nas was the first person to do something for nothing for me. He allowed me to go on his promo tour [for Nastradamus in 1999]. He said, ‘The way you came out with that record [‘How to Rob’], it felt like when I came out [with ‘Illmatic’].” Given how much he makes on tour now, he probably appreciates it.

When Nas called out 50 and G-Unit onstage in 2004, deploring their commitment to violent, stereotypical imagery (something Nas had been guilty of himself, although he later refocused on promoting a more positive aesthetic), 50 found a way to get back at him. On his 2005 Ja Rule diss “Piggybank,” 50 mocked Nas for getting a tattoo of Kelis, whom he had just married. “Kelis said her milkshake bring all the boys to the yard
/ Then Nas went and tattooed the bitch on his arm,” he rapped.

This led to a short feud between the two that only produced a handful of diss records before they squashed things at Summer Jam 2014. They haven’t collaborated yet, but fans will undoubtedly be excited to hear them do so on King’s Disease IV whenever it arrives.

Marc Lasry, one of the co-owners of the Milwaukee Bucks, is reportedly looking to sell his stake in the team. According to The Athletic, Jimmy Haslam and Haslam Sports Group are in talks to take him up on that offer, which would lead to Haslam joining forces with Wes Edens.

Per Eric Nehm, Shams Charania, and Sam Amick, Lasry “has spent recent weeks contemplating the decision to potentially sell his Bucks stake to Haslam Sports Group.” This would not mark Haslam’s first foray into sports ownership, as he and his wife, Dee, are owners of the Cleveland Browns, while the two are part of the ownership group of the Columbus Crew.

Via The Athletic:

Sources who were granted anonymity so that they could speak freely tell The Athletic this process with Haslam began after Lasry considered selling his stake in the Bucks to American businessman Mat Ishbia before Ishbia bought controlling interest of the Phoenix Suns. Haslam entered the conversation after Ishbia moved on to the Suns and joined Edens courtside for the Bucks’ 123-114 victory over the Minnesota Timberwolves on Dec. 30, 2022.

Lasry and Edens, the latter of whom would keep his ownership stake in the team if the deal went through, purchased the Bucks from Herb Kohl in 2014. In the years since they took over the team, Milwaukee has turned into one of the most successful franchises in basketball, as the team has made the postseason in seven of their eight years at the helm. In 2021, the Bucks won the second NBA championship in franchise history and their first in 50 years.

Who is in it for the right reasons? Will someone’s head turn? Is Tom capable of answering any direct question with anything other than, “I don’t know?” Wait, what is this season’s euphemism for getting, um, handsy? These are all questions that arise when tuning into ‘Love Island UK‘ Season 9. Follow along here as Uproxx (hopefully) answers your questions about the 2023 winter season and decides which couples we think are strong enough to last to the finale.

(WARNING: Spoilers for up to episode 25 of Love Island UK season nine will be found below.)

Thursday night’s episode (February 9) kicked off with a recoupling, and that decision was up to the boys. Newcomer Jordan seemingly took Shaq’s advice and chose to couple up with Ellie, sending OG member Tanyel packing in a teary-eyed send-off. Surprisingly, Jordan’s decision wasn’t the most shocking moment of the night. Later on, Kai admitted there were some boys in the villa who had never cooked a full meal in their lives. I mean, come on. We’re talking about adult men in their mid-20s here. The real drama from Episode 25, though, came in the form of a rift between the OG boys Shaq and Ron, which will likely drag out for at least another episode.

Tanyel’s departure squashed any lingering potential of Ron and Tanyel ending up in a romantic couple together — a possibility the producers (and fellow islanders) had been hinting at — but also gave Lana a chance to finally get to share a bed with Ron for the first time since week one. The recoupling ultimately means there are some new couples in the running, so it’s time for us to put our matchmaking skills to the test and rank this week’s couples from least to most compatible. — Carolyn Droke

Moving Mad: Bottom Tier

7. Ellie and Jordan

Ellie and Jordan are placed at the bottom of the scale in terms of compatibility. I would rank them higher based on the few on-screen conversations aired, but any spark detected was diffused when Jordan essentially friend-zoned Ellie during his recoupling speech. Bold move there — and not too sure what his aim was, but Ellie made it clear she’ll be taking a step back after that comment. — Carolyn Droke

6. Olivia and Kai

Olivia and Kai have both had interesting journeys to where they are currently in season nine of Love Island UK. Kai has found himself in couples with Olivia (for a mere 2 minutes), Tanyel, and Samie. The latter two proved to be unsuccessful, and soon enough, Kai completed his journey around the block and found his way back to Olivia. She was previously unsuccessful in finding a match with Will, Tom, Haris, Tom, Spencer, and Tom. The two claim that they’re the one for each other, but it’s not so convincing on camera. It’s good that they’ve both found someone, but winning this season of Love Island? Eh. Additionally, Olivia continually finds minor issues with the girls and amplifies them to insane proportions as we’ve already seen with Zara (we miss you), Tanyel (we also miss you), and Samie. All in all, we’re not sold on this pairing just yet. — Wongo Okon

5. Lana and Ron

Lana and Ron have been on the rocks for the past few weeks. Between Ron briefly hitting on Ellie and Samie and Lana choosing to partner up with Casey only to both run right back into each other’s arms, watching the rollercoaster of these two has been tiresome. While their relationship seems to have settled down, save for Ron’s lack of dishwashing pissing off the other men, Casa Amor is right around the corner. Time will tell if a head-turning dude can change his ways. — Lexi Lane

On Job: Mid-Tier

4. Samie and Tom

I’ve got to give it to Tom. Being in a couple with Samie has improved his stock a bit. After his fallout with our beloved Zara, I saw no potential for Tom to finish within the top three – especially when it seemed like he was going to enter a couple with Olivia. Others may feel different, but hey you can’t blame us, his player ways with Zara and Ellie led to that conclusion. Nonetheless, Tom and Samie are a nice pairing who seem to complement each other pretty well. Contrary to Tom’s shaky time on the show, Samie seems like a really sweet girl. If Tom doesn’t let his head wander too much, there’s a chance the two could move up in our rankings. It’s still early for them, as it appears that they’ve only been together for a week or so, but the future is promising. — Wongo Okon

3. Claudia and Casey

I’m a big fan of this couple. Casey deserved to find a connection after being brutally friend-zoned by Lana — and it’s undeniable these two have chemistry. Claudia is upfront about the fact she’s looking for something long-term and Casey seems like the kind of guy to be a committed partner. Plus, Casey can’t pronounce “culinary” and Claudia can’t pronounce “Tulum,” so they’re clearly made for each other. However, judging from the way Claudia was off-put when Casey asked the likelihood of her head being turned (dude, it’s been one day), I think Claudia would, at the moment, entertain the idea of getting to know somebody else. But that doesn’t mean these two aren’t totally compatible. — Carolyn Droke

All Eggs In One Basket: Top Tier

2. Tanya and Shaq

Tanya and Shaq have great potential to win the show, they’ve been together since day one, but they need to stay out of the other islanders’ businesses. Shaq has repeatedly called Ron out for his treatment of Lana, and though he made some points, it’s grown to be a bit much. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it, right? More recently, Shaq and Tanya, with support from Olivia, seemingly convinced Jordan to give up on pursuing Tanyel because things were not moving fast enough in their eyes, despite it just being a couple of days. Though Shaq and Tanya have been the most successful at finding and keeping love, they are not the ministers of romance. It’s best that they kick back and watch the drama unfold before someone else’s mess becomes theirs — something to keep in mind with Casa Amor just around the corner. — Wongo Okon

1. Jessie and Will

Will and Jessie have won over the hearts of literally the entire globe, which also earns them the top spot on our current Love Island couple rankings. The now-beloved sheep farmer was at first off to a tough start, as most of the girls only saw him as their bestie — until Jessie, the Aussie bombshell, showed up in week two (I’ve personally rooted for him from day one). Since then, they’ve earned a date in the hideaway and have made it clear they only have eyes for each other. Plus, if they stay together, it means we get to see even MORE of Will’s cheerful dance moves and a couple that steers clear of drama. Who doesn’t want that? — Lexi Lane

‘Love Island UK’ airs daily on the ITV channel at 9pm GMT/4pm EST/1pm PST.

(Major spoilers for You will obviously be found below.)

It turns out that killing your wife, abandoning your baby, and growing a beard is a pretty surefire way to give a show the quick 4th season refresh it needs. That’s what Joe did at the end of YOU season three, and the fourth season picks up across the pond for a whole new arch of scheming and stalking. But this time, instead of being the one following, Joe is the one with his own shadow stalking him throughout the entire first half of season four.

As Joe attempts to blend in with his new peers as a professor in London, he intertwines himself with a new group of shady characters: there’s Phoebe, the influencer, and her boyfriend Adam, fellow professor Malcolm and his girlfriend Kate, writer Rhys, plus artist couple Simon and Sophie. Of course, as the season progresses, Joe is back in his violent ways, and he is being watched by someone who seems to know all of his (very dark and bloody) secrets and begins to frame him after Malcolm ends up dead.

As more people die, Joe’s new friends rightfully begin to suspect he is not who he seems, and he receives texts from a mysterious stranger. But at the climax of the season, Roald, who suspects Joe is the killer, and Joe are both kidnapped by Rhys, who is (gasp!) the one who was stalking and framing Joe, who also happens to be in love with Kate, Joe’s new interest. These murderous love triangles can be so tricky.

He manages to escape and vows to bring down Rhys, who now plans on running for office, which is probably where the next half of the season will take us. The next five episodes will be released on March 9th, and while it’s not clear if this will be the end of Joe’s story, we will certainly get some more there will certainly be some sort of stalker v. stalker showdown here.

(Via Time)

This year, I’ve been celebrating Black History Month with a Blaxploitation movie marathon. So far, I’ve hit plenty of the classics: Shaft, Foxy Brown, Cleopatra Jones, Superfly, and Dolemite.

Although these movies were all released a good decade before I was born, there’s a comforting familiarity to them. What I realized is that many of the aesthetics, characters, references, and tropes are so recognizable because I indirectly grew up on them through hip-hop.

For the past 50 years, hip-hop has been largely associated with a certain kind of villainy or anti-heroic spirit. It seems as though rap fans love to root for the bad guys: from Eazy-E to 50 Cent to 21 Savage, many of rap’s most prominent protagonists have been the kinds of dudes you’d hesitate to bring home to your mom.

But that image didn’t spring up overnight, nor was it the wholesale invention of the artists who embraced it. There’s a connection between the way rap – an indisputably Black art form – presents its world of crime, sex, and violence and some of the first modern representations of Black people in mass media and entertainment: Those Blaxploitation films.

Now, the history and context of these films are as rich and complex as any other Black American history you’ll learn about in February. It’s been covered extensively in documentaries like Netflix’s Is That Black Enough For You?!?! and in books like Josiah Howard’s Blaxploitation Cinema, so instead, I’ll just give a primer here.

Although Black actors and filmmakers are indelible to the history of cinema, reaching back all the way to the medium’s origins, it’s fair to say that in the 1970s, opportunities for Black folks in Hollywood were few, far between, and undesirable even if you could get them.

For the most part, the roles Black actors could secure were those of two-bit crooks and villains. If you saw us on-screen at all, we were antagonists, comedic sidekicks, or hapless victims, easily and quickly dispatched to serve the white stars – and audiences.

But with the advent of self-financed films like Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song, and action films like Cotton Comes To Harlem and Shaft, Black audiences finally got to see themselves reflected on the screen as the drivers of the plot. In these films, the heroes were bigger than life, backtalked “the Man,” and took no sh*t from anybody. Most importantly, the Black characters won at the end, right or wrong.

In a clever inversion of the typecasting that had defined Black roles for the past five decades, the protagonists of these films were often criminals: drug dealers, pimps, or hustlers just trying to get over. The difference was that by viewing the narratives from their point of view, audiences were invited to sympathize with them and see the circumstances that led them to these “careers.”

While watching Superfly, I found myself reciting Eddie’s monologue to Priest word-for-word, despite only having seen the film one other time in my life. “You’ve got this fantasy in your head about gettin’ outta the life and setting that other world on its ear. What the F*CK are you gonna do except hustle? Besides pimpin’? And you really ain’t got the stomach for that.” I realized, though, that I’d heard that line dozens of times already… just in a different medium.

That excerpt is one of the hundreds that have been sampled in rap records since at least the early ‘90s (in this case, it appears on Jay-Z’s Kingdom Come intro “Prelude” ahead of one of Jay’s most masterful lyrical performances to date). The parallels between Blaxploitation and rap are manifold – and no accident, since Blaxploitation was one of the early influences on the genre.

For the Black teens growing up in the ‘70s, Blaxploitation would have held a lurid allure: In addition to the draw of seeing Black faces on the screen, the films were full of more titillating material like gunplay, martial arts, and of course, gratuitous nudity. So it makes perfect sense that when they were creating hip-hop from the ground up, that soil would have already been seeded with images from these larger-than-life examples of Black anti-heroism.

That’s why early rappers like the Cold Crush Brothers, the Furious Five, and Slick Rick presented themselves with badder than badass superhero personas. They were taking inspiration from TNT Jackson, Youngblood Priest, and Black Belt Jones – characters they’d seen on the screen who represented aspirational qualities, both good and bad, for kids surrounded by urban blight and constantly confronted with institutional and interpersonal racism.

As hip-hop evolved, so too did rappers’ relationships with Blaxploitation films. One of the more obvious examples is Snoop Dogg, whose fascination with these movies persists to this day (the hallways of his Los Angeles compound are adorned with posters from these films, which he references often in his music, marketing, and presentation).

And the one that comes up the most is Dolemite. Snoop references the Rudy Ray Moore film in his final verse on Dr. Dre’s 1992 single “Nuthin’ But A ‘G’ Thang” and numerous rappers have name-dropped him in their own music. Ol’ Dirty Bastard even used clips from the film in his video for “Got Your Money” in 1999.

As a role model, Dolemite probably couldn’t be worse. The film’s obvious technical flaws aside, it’s pretty clear throughout the film that Dolemite is a disreputable sort of character. But, it makes sense, in a certain way, that rappers relate to him. In the film, he’s framed for committing crimes that are outside of his criminal wheelhouse. Meanwhile, rappers were often accused of criminal activity and blamed for pretty much any sensational crime in America throughout the first 40 years of hip-hop’s existence.

Like Blaxploitation filmmakers, many decided to lean into their typecasting. If the only roles Black folks could get in movies were of pimps and hustlers, why not turn them into heroes? By the same token, rappers – who often did have criminal pasts or at least connections – seem to have decided that, if they’re going to be cast as bad guys, then they’ll be the bad guys while making all the more money from doing so.

This is how you get rap “heroes” like Future, whose music espouses substance use he himself admitted to giving up ages ago. It’s how 21 Savage, in the midst of a deportation battle with the US government, can still find time for some “Knife Talk.” It’s why 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg teamed up for a player’s ball – a common theme in rap videos – in their “P.I.M.P.” video. It’s why, 50 years into hip-hop’s official history, we still see young rappers tying themselves to gangster imagery, even when it couldn’t be more obvious how far removed they are from those situations in real life.

Most of the time, rap, like Blaxploitation, is a performance. Artists embrace these roles – oftentimes, with obvious, tongue-in-cheek homage (see: Camp Lo, Anderson .Paak) – as a way of honoring the past, whether intentionally or unintentionally. All are just aping the conventions that they looked up to as kids; contemporary or future generations just may not be aware that they themselves are just giving modern takes on old favorites.

The legacy of Blaxploitation is more than just bell bottoms and platform shoes, butterfly collars and perfectly-coiffed afros, or Black anti-heroes slapping down “jive turkeys” and fighting the Man. It’s the resiliency of people who were often denied opportunities making their own. It’s the creativity to reverse society’s expectations of villainy and turn themselves into heroes. It’s their ability to craft a new mythology when theirs was torn away. And that legacy lives on in hip-hop, even 50 years later.

Melanie Lynskey is “thrilled” that some people are mad about her casting on The Last of Us, but not when it comes to being body shamed. Earlier this week, Adrianne Curry, the winner of America’s Next Top Model season one, tweeted a photo of Lynskey, not as her The Last of Us character Kathleen, and wrote, “Her body says life of luxury… not post apocolyptic warlord. where is Linda Hamilton when you need her?”

As Lynskey pointed out, the image that Curry shared was “a photo from my cover shoot for InStyle magazine, not a still from HBO’s The Last of Us.” Also, the Yellowjackets actress continued, “I’m playing a person who meticulously planned & executed an overthrow of FEDRA. I am supposed to be SMART, ma’am. I don’t need to be muscly. That’s what henchmen are for.” Muscly and/or beard, but her point still stands.

Curry has since deleted her tweet — and her account. “In criticism of a character I didn’t like in the last of us..the actress screen shotted it and posted it for her fans to BULLY me over an opinion on a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. LOL,” she wrote on Facebook. “Actors and actresses that cannot take criticism of characters they play Is absurd to me.” I would argue that Lynskey was merely stating facts, not being defensive, but go off, I guess.

Curry continued:

“I acted in a film that people tore my character to SHREDS. I am not the character. It wasn’t a direct attack. I survived. Anyway, I’m keeping off Twitter till her fans stop berating me for not finding her feminine stature suitable for warlord status. She even cropped out the tweet where I praised her hourglass frame as the PERFECT body in the eyes of most men.”

Lynskey returns in the next episode of The Last of Us, which airs on Friday.

(Via EW)

Vladimir Putin suffered yet another humiliating defeat in his still-disastrous invasion of Ukraine. The Russian leader has been roundly criticized for sending inexperienced troops to the front lines (a Russian prosecutor has called the mobilization “illegal”), and those unprepared forces did what anyone could’ve predicted they do: Ran at the first sight of trouble.

While attempting to secure a key supply route in Vuhledar, Ukraine, Putin’s forces were reportedly clueless on what to do thanks to a lack of advanced planning, which resulted in an embarrassing and costly failure instead of delivering a “very important success” for Russia. Via The Daily Beast:

“Russian troops likely fled and abandoned at least 30 mostly intact armoured vehicles in a single incident after a failed assault,” the intelligence assessment stated. Footage shared by a pro-Kremlin Telegram channel appears to show Russian troops abandoning the tanks, at least one soldier running around on fire, and other tanks dragging troops across the ground. The news of Russia’s sloppy attack comes as Moscow prepares to mobilize 300,000 to 500,000 troops for a new offensive nearly one year into the war, according to Ukrainian intelligence.

This latest failure arrives as Putin continues to fight off increasing reports of a potential coup and widespread criticism over his use of conscripted soldiers and convicts to staff his faltering military, which has spent nearly a year getting absolutely humiliated by Ukraine forces. People are also calling Putin a crab on the internet, and he reportedly hates that a whole bunch. Now’s not a good time.

(Via The Daily Beast)

There is a long history of characters showing up in a Fast & Furious movie to seek revenge for something that happened in a previous Fast & Furious movie. The most prominent example here is Jason Statham popping up in Furious 7 to avenge his brother after the events of Fast & Furious 6. (The titles of these movies remain a jumbled mess in a way that feels… right, in a cosmic sense.) John Cena – who plays the secret brother of Vin Diesel’s character, don’t worry about it, it’s fine – did it, too. The Rock kind of did it but we don’t talk about that.

The best part is that enemies and rivals usually end up becoming friends and they all sort it out over Coronas at a barbecue until someone else comes for revenge and the cycle starts over again. Sometimes Helen Mirren is involved. It is all very messy and fun and the last two movies have featured Charlize Theron stealing a nuclear submarine and Ludacris and Tyrese going to space. I love these movies more than some members of my own family.

Which brings me to this: The trailer for Fast X, somehow the tenth movie in this franchise. It is incredible. We are going to get way into it. I made so many GIFs of Jason Momoa. But first, watch. Behold. Revel in the spectacle of the cinema.

I have watched the four-ish minutes of this trailer about five times already and I spent every second of each time shouting and laughing. It’s so thrilling. And again, we’ll get to it all. But first, as always, we begin at one of the aforementioned barbecues, where w-…

Well, guess what: Rita Moreno is in the Fast & Furious movies. She is an EGOT winner. And now she is in a franchise where, a few movies ago, Ludacris lamented the fact that their enemies had a tank. It’s tempting to lose track of that given everything that is about to happen. But think about it for a bit this weekend.

There’s a lot of talk about family in here, and Family, too. This is nothing new. These movies do that a lot. The big thing here is Dominic Toretto looking at his young son — named Brian, after Paul Walker’s character, who is, to be very clear, still alive in these movies but so far out of this life that he’s willing to allow his friends and loved ones to do battle with nuclear cyberterrorists without lifting a finger to help, which is kind of funny — and saying how worried he is about losing someone he loves.

This will come up again.

Enter Jason Momoa. His character is named Dante. He is on a motorcycle and wearing what appears to be a snakeskin jacket. This is perfect. As I’ve said before, he should be in every movie. Look at him. Look at his mustache. Look at him saying “Boom.” Look why he’s saying ‘Boom.”

This requires context. Probably. Context is a slippery thing in these movies. The first one was about Vin Diesel stealing DVD players and now he is some sort of off-book rogue agent who thwarts supervillains. It’s best not to think too much about it. But we need to think a little bit about it here. Because…

THIS

IS

BRAZIL

What happens next is remarkable. We get a flashback to Fast Five, the best film in the franchise by far and one where Vin Diesel said the phrase “we’re going to do one last job.” This is the fifth movie since he said that. They have done so many jobs since then. It’s literally the halfway point of their jobs. You should see the smile on my face right now.

The flashback takes us back to the heist of the Brazilian drug lord’s bank vault, the one where they ripped it out of the bank with cars and cables and raced off through Brazil. But now we learn new information. Like, for example, this.

And this.

ARE WE DOING A FAST FIVE RASHOMON?

IS THAT WHAT WE ARE DOING HERE?

TELL ME, FAST X DIRECTOR LOUIS LETERRIER

TELL ME

“[Fast Five] is easily the best movie of the franchise. It’s the greatest,” Leterrier agrees. “That chase with the safe, it’s the greatest moment in cinema history, so we were like, ’Let’s Rashomon this scene.”

Thank you.

The takeaways here are as follows:

• Momoa’s character is related to the Brazilian drug dealer they ruined in Fast Five
• It turns out he was there the whole time, which is somehow not enough close to the wildest timeline-lambada these movies have done
• He is out for revenge
• I can’t stop giggling

Hey, wanna see Jason Momoa wreck some dudes with an unbuttoned dress shirt and then lick a knife for some reason?

Wanna see Jason Momoa stand on a mountain doing the Brazilian Jesus statue pose before blowing up half of what appears to be Rome?

Wanna see John Cena body slam someone so hard that they crash through the floor of a multi-story building and end up in what I’m going to assume is the kitchen?

Wanna see some huge metal ball go bouncing through a city and tear a bud in half and then kind of explode as it bears down on Tyrese?

Sorry. I know that was a lot to throw at you all at once. You need to build up your tolerance, though. Things are not going to get less wild here. Not even a little. There’s a helicopter thing coming up that made me gasp a little bit like a startled gray-haired British woman.

Hey, speaking of gray-haired British women…

I wish I could explain to you how happy it makes me that Helen Mirren is in the Fast & Furious movies. She plays Jason Statham’s mom. She’s out here palling around with Dominic Toretto even though Dominic Toretto has kind of tried to murder both of her sons. They’re all friends now. The characters in these movies are the most forgiving people who have ever lived.

Two important things here:

• We are, I presume, back in Brazil for some sort of street race where life hangs in the balance, which we are able to presume because Dominic Toretto says the phrase, “Today, I race to stop the bloodbath,” which is just a remarkable collection of words
• LOOK AT JASON MOMOA

I am so happy he is in this movie. He was born to be in these movies. My only complaint is that it took us all ten movies to get him into one. That’s upsetting. But he’s here now and he’s dressed like a second-tier Vegas magician who lifts weights daily and draws his life inspiration from Captain Jack Sparrow. It so moving I might cry a little. Which would be a funny thing to do with this about to happen…

I don’t really have anything of value to add here. I just wanted to post a GIF of John Cena firing off a rocket during a cat chase in the desert. This franchise just up and became Mad Max for a second. I am so proud of everyone.

Quick update…

Jason Statham: Still in the movie

Han: Still in the movie

Ludacris and Tyrese: Still in the movie

Brie Larson…

Now in the movie.

I need these to go on forever and continue adding movie stars like a snowball tumbling down a mountain. Get everyone in there. Tom Cruise. Harrison Ford. Meryl Streep. All of the Stranger Things kids. Robert Downey, Jr., if Vin has his way. Keep going until the cast is so big that all other movies need to stop production while these films are shooting because there are no actors left to fill the roles. Get Scorsese to direct.

I promise I am not joking.

Oh, hey. Remember a dozen or so GIFs ago when Dominic Toretto was looking his son in the eye are fretting about losing him? Wellllll now Jason Momoa has him hostage in a speeding car. This is classic Chekhov. Which is fun to say about a movie where, uh… this happens…

And this happens, too.

To be very clear, what we have here is:

• Two helicopters firing harpoons at Dominic Toretto’s car
• The helicopters trying to haul him away
• Dominic Toretto launching his car off an overpass
• The gravity of his falling car causing the helicopters to smash into each other in the sky and explode

This is where I must once again ask you to ponder my favorite thing: Picture a 24-hour news network in the universe of these movies. Picture all the various breaking news emergencies and cuts into coverage. Picture Wolf Blitzer looking into the camera and telling you with a very serious face that there has been a helicopter collision in Brazil and police suspect the same man who led a police chase there years ago and also flew through the air between skyscrapers in Abu Dhabi while a bald man fired a rocket launcher at him. Picture the international crisis. I would watch an entire spinoff about this, kind of like how Aaron Sorkin did that show The Newsroom about real-life events from years earlier. Let Sorkin write and direct this one, too.

We have fun.

Okay, last thing. The trailer ends with a scene in a mysterious laboratory. Charlize Theron and Michele Rodriguez are on some sort of operating table. There is science happening. They see each other and immediately start having some sort of WWE cage fight inside the lab, which is probably not safe given all the… science things. Here, look.

Which is great. But I want to know what was happening in that lab. Michele’s character, Letty, already had an amnesia storyline, which is both hilarious and further evidence that these movies are just soap operas with car chases and explosions. (Not a complaint.) What could be going on here? Almost anything is on the table given the history at play.

I’m going to say…

Hmm…

Hmmmmmm…

Let’s go with body swapping. A full Face/Off twist. (I know one person who would be excited about it.) Everyone please remember I said that just in case I end up being right. Which I could be. These are beautiful movies where anything is possible. We are so very blessed to have them back in our lives.