Premium vodka is one of the most accessible and affordable spirits on the shelf. Vodka starts to get nuanced and very bespoke around the $30 price point and hardly ever goes over $50 per bottle. Yes, there are some rare gems out there that cost more than that, but it’s extremely rare for vodka to reach past the $100 per bottle mark.
To that end, we’re blind taste testing six premium or high-end vodkas today. The expressions we’re trying go beyond the entry-level stuff. These are the bottles that often feature one grain from one estate and have unique filtering processes that help make them that much more special. The best part is that all of these are considered premium vodkas and not one will cost you more than $50.
Our lineup today is:
Russian Standard Platinum
Absolut Elyx
Grey Goose
Crystal Head
Beluga Transatlantic Racer
Belvedere
We tried to keep this broad by including varying regions and mash bills. But in the end, this was all about taste. In my estimation, a vodka being 100 percent neutral isn’t the point of premium vodka. There has to be something there to taste that helps it stand out. Truth be told, the more neutral the spirit the lower it’ll rank for me — if you want something strictly to disappear into a mixed drink, check this piece out instead.
Okay, that’s enough preamble, let’s get to the tasting. Click on the prices if any of these vodkas jump out at you.
There’s a slight Graham cracker maltiness with soft mineral water notes. The taste remains fairly grain-focused as a very, very distant bitter note arrives late. It’s almost like a cardamom seed with a touch of bitter orange.
Otherwise, this is incredibly soft — with a rainwater vibe.
Taste 2
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This is pure mineral water on the nose. There’s barely even a note of alcohol. The taste, on the other hand, pops with notes of wet grains, rich soil, and lemon meringue with a touch of vanilla. The palate is bold yet very soft and leaves you with that lemon/vanilla note.
Taste 3
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Again, the nose on this is pure, soft mineral water with maybe a touch of graininess. The palate is subtle with hints of lemon oils and an echo of dried chili flake on the finish. That very dry and mild spice leaves you with a warm note next to velvety mineral water softness.
Taste 4
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
Woah! Cornbread! A can of vanilla frosting! The nose on this is wild. The taste is initially sweet, kind of like a vanilla cookie. Then the palate veers dramatically towards anise and black licorice (almost absinthe levels), leaving you with a bitter-yet-mildly-sweet finish.
Taste 5
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
The nose on this is saline leading to sea spray with a silky roundness. The palate goes from super soft mineral water neutral to the oyster liquor from a just-opened oyster with a very distant honey/oat vibe. That oyster liquor note intensifies on the next sip and the next, leading towards a real seaside depth.
Put the rest away, we have a winner!
Taste 6
Zach Johnston
Tasting Notes:
This opens with a malty lemon cookie on the nose. That fades quickly into pure neutrality. There’s nothing on the palate besides soft mineral water and a hint of wet wheat.
This Polish vodka is made with 100 percent Polish Dankowskie rye, or “diamond” rye, which is a rare baker’s rye grown specifically for its low starch content. The multi-distilled spirit is then cut with local well water before its charcoal-filtered and bottled.
Bottom Line:
This was by far the most neutral vodka on the list. If you’re mixing and just need ABVs in your drink with no flavor whatsoever, this is the drink for you. Standing up against these other vodkas with well-built flavors, it just didn’t work today.
Dan Akroyd’s vodka is as Canadian as the comedian. The vodka is made from peaches and cream corn in Newfoundland. The distillate is filtered through a crystal known as a Herkimer diamond. The vodka is then cut with glacial water from Newfoundland and is bottled in a bespoke crystal head.
Bottom Line:
I went back to this twice. I love absinthe and black licorice but I just couldn’t square those notes in this vodka. It’s not that it’s bad by any stretch. This just felt a little too focused on those bitter notes.
That being said, this might make a very interesting clear Sazerac one day when I’m tinkering behind the bar.
This French vodka is created using winter wheat grown in the north of France. The distillate is shipped down to Cognac where it’s cut with demineralized spring water from the region, rested, and then bottled.
Bottom Line:
Full disclosure, the next two vodkas are kind of splitting hairs. I considered just having a tie for third place but this works too. This is a solid vodka with equally solid flavor notes. It’s subtle but very sippable.
This classic Russian vodka from St. Petersburg is made with locally grown winter wheat. The spirit is then filtered through silver before it’s cut with local well water and bottled.
Bottom Line:
This was a dream to sip. It’s so soft and carries very delicate-yet-nuanced flavors. I can see sipping this on the rocks with a squeeze of lime all day long.
Elyx (pronounced “ee-lix”) is a single-estate vodka made from winter wheat grown only at Råbelöf Castle near Åhus in Sweden. The vodka is mashed and distilled on antique copper gear and is then cut with local well water.
Bottom Line:
This is where things get interesting. This is a deeply flavored vodka that makes perfect sense on the palate. It’s incredibly mixable while also being a great on the rocks or poured into a highball.
This vodka from deep in the Siberian forest was built to celebrate Russia’s sailing team. The juice in the bottle is made from local wheat and cut with Siberian well water before it’s filtered through fresh cotton. The vodka then rests in tanks for 45 days, allowing it to mellow out even more.
Bottom Line:
The moment that oyster liquor note hit my palate, I knew this contest was over. The thing is, that flavor note is set up on the nose with the saline/sea spray vibe and then this vodka delivers on that promise with a fresh, almost cold oyster liquor. It’s delightful and feels natural.
I can’t wait to get some fresh oysters and start shucking while sipping on this bottle of vodka.
Part 3: Final Thoughts
Zach Johnston
This was illuminating. One thing I learned is that price really doesn’t denote the power of the vodka — two of the top three were in the $20 to $30 range. Again, that’s what makes premium vodka such a great category. The fact that you can get really well-made juice for the cost of a cheap bottle of bourbon really counts for something.
I was surprised by the Beluga though. That was like a firecracker going off in my senses. I might have found a new favorite with that one, especially if I’m pairing vodka with seafood.
As a Drizly affiliate, Uproxx may receive a commission pursuant to certain items on this list.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: the breakfast realm is fast food’s most exciting frontier. It’s where most of the new menu innovations happen and, at some establishments, you can’t even order it after a certain hour — which just adds to the mystique. It makes the breakfast menu seem like it’s being curated for some exclusive club, the early risers and the out all-nighters. There is a whole world out there you probably don’t even know about if you only grab fast food on your lunch break. Did you even know Wendy’s has potato wedges? They’re about 100% better than the French fries but you can only get them at breakfast time. It’s worth taking a morning trek to Wendy’s for those wedges alone.
If you like fast food (or tolerate it because it fits your lifestyle in other ways), we implore you to go at breakfast time. You’ll be stepping into a whole new world.
Where to start? We’ve already broken down the best breakfast sandwiches in the fast food universe, so now we’re hitting the next best option — the decadent culinary wonder that is breakfast burritos. Sausage, eggs, cheese, hashbrowns… As much as we wanted to have a strict set of parameters here, the range is so wide that “don’t taste sh*tty” was really the first bar every highly ranked burrito had to clear. From there it was something of a free for all, with some clear choices head and shoulders above the rest.
Let’s get into it.
10. McDonald’s — Sausage Burrito
McDonald
Calories: 310
The weirdest thing about McDonald’s sausage breakfast burrito — aside from the fact that it’s a burrito from McDonald’s, which just feels wrong — is that this thing actually has its fans. “McDonald’s breakfast burrito is dope,” “You have to give McDonald’s a try!” “McDonald’s breakfast burrito is seriously underrated!” That’s what friends and commenters told me.
They were wrong. This is hands down the worst burrito I’ve ever had in my entire life. You could blindfold me and force me to cook each of the ingredients without sight and I’d be able to make a better burrito than this.
The scrambled egg — dry. The green chiles and onions — bland. The tortilla — obviously microwaved — I mean if they would just throw the chiles and onions on the griddle for a minute that would make a world of difference. The only thing palatable is the pork sausage, and even that is seriously lacking in any discernible flavor. Also, American cheese? In a burrito? GTFO McDonald’s.
The Bottom Line:
You couldn’t find a worse breakfast burrito if you tried.
I’m a huge Wendy’s head and the chain often ranks on the higher end of our fast food rankings, so it’s a bit of a surprise for us to see it ranked so low. Before Popeyes dropped its massively popular sandwich, Wendy’s chicken sandwiches were in the running to be fast food’s best and their burgers are similarly amazing, easily some of the best burgers you can get from a drive-thru. As for breakfast, the aforementioned potato wedges are unforgettable.
Then there is the Sausage Egg & Cheese Burrito. This burrito is so lackluster that it’s not even available at every Wendy’s drive-thru — of the three closest to me, only one carries it.
Like McDonald’s, this burrito is incredibly bland. It desperately needs salsa, which Wendy’s has (it’s bad) but is not always in stock, at least at the Wendy’s I order from. Ordering this thing can be seriously frustrating because it feels so unsupported by Wendy’s. Inside is dry scrambled egg (too much of it), peppery sausage bits, and American cheese, which automatically makes it bad. That’s a line in the sand I just won’t pass — if a burrito has got American cheese in it it’s probably horrible. Wendy’s packs a lot of egg into this one, which makes each bite take forever to chew through, and with the pathetic serving of salsa inside what you’re chewing is mostly egg and stale tortilla.
The Bottom Line
Almost every item on Wendy’s menu is better than this.
For Carl’s Jr, I was a little torn between deciding to include the Loaded Breakfast Burrito, which features sausage, ham, bacon bits, egg, hash browns, cheddar cheese and pico de gallo or the Big Country Breakfast Burrito, which is the same thing but swaps out the pico de gallo for sausage gravy — a nice bit of fast food innovation. Ultimately, I’m decided to include the better of the two (without giving creativity points), which means we’re talking about the Loaded Breakfast Burrito. Regardless, both of these burritos are sadly middling.
The Loaded Burrito’s pico de gallo isn’t great, the tomatoes lack brightness, the onion is too cutting, and the cilantro somehow manages to provide none of the herb’s distinct flavor (the sausage gravy of the Big Country Burrito is somehow even blander and provides a weird and thick consistency that I found to be distracting. Can a flavor be described as wet? That’s what the gravy tastes like). The meat trio in the Loaded Breakfast Burrito is passable, but because Carl’s Jr uses bacon bits instead of strips of bacon, you’ll be left wanting more bacon.
Carl’s Jr.’s tortilla is also pretty bland and powdery, matching the ingredients inside.
The Bottom Line:
Carl’s Jr has some truly amazing breakfast offerings like the Breakfast Burger and the Monster Biscuit. Both of those options will leave you more satisfied than the Loaded Breakfast Burrito.
Beware! Jack in the Box’s Meat Lover’s Burrito is so greasy that your bag will be wet with grease by the time you get from the drive-thru to wherever it is you’re going to scarf this thing down. It’ll also leave a smell in your car that will take a whole day to fully dissipate. Is that why I’ve ranked it so near the bottom? That’s at least half of the reason. It definitely made a negative impression on me.
This thing is just okay. It combines bacon, a chopped-up sausage patty, and ham with scrambled eggs and some cheddar cheese before wrapping it in a microwave-warmed tortilla. On the side, Jack in the Box serves what they are calling fire-roasted salsa. What does that mean? No one roasted any peppers at Jack in the Box before making this sauce, it was probably made in a lab hundreds of miles away from the JiB that’s serving it and includes liquid smoke. Skip it, instead ask for a packet of Frank’s Red Hot sauce, it’ll provide much more heat.
This burrito’s strength is that it has a lot of meat, so if you’re after savory and salty flavors this burrito is definitely for you. I just wish its individual parts were actually notable enough to enjoy. Instead, they all come together in a mix of textures that just gel into a one-note salty meat flavor. Jack in the Box also has what is called the Grande Sausage Burrito which swaps out the shredded cheddar for cheddar cheese sauce, and while I appreciate the inclusion of sriracha in that one, the cheese sauce makes it way too salty.
The Bottom Line:
Greasy and salty as all hell but it’s got the meats! If you’re looking to start your morning off with a fistful of protein, this is your place.
We consistently hate on Burger King in our fast food rankings, so I’m always secretly rooting for them to do something well. I have to say, the Egg-Normous Burrito is actually pretty solid. As its name would suggest, this burrito has a whole lot of egg, but unlike Wendy’s burrito, it also has greasy and crispy hashbrowns, strips of bacon, sausage patties, and melted cheddar cheese. Yes, that’s right, cheddar baby! There might be some American cheese mixed in there as well — because the consistency is a little bit waxy — but the overwhelming flavor is distinctly sharp, as it should be. Burger King also throws a “picante” sauce in there which is ironic because picante means “spicy,” and no palate would find this even remotely spicy. It has no kick to it and tastes mostly of tomato.
The weirdest part of this burrito is BK’s decision to put whole sausage patties inside rather than sausage bits. That makes the form factor of this burrito massive and it truly feels like the sort of breakfast that will make you sleepier than it will give you energy. Which is probably not what you want out of a breakfast burrito (unless you’re waking and baking on the weekend), so we suggest you cut this one in half and eat it with a friend.
The Bottom Line:
Burger King does so many foods badly and here they have a minor hit on their hands that, with a few alterations (smaller sausage, better sauce), might actually be able to be described as delicious. You’re so close, Burger King!
Here we are in the top five and it’s almost like we’ve taken a giant leap ahead in terms of flavor. This is leagues better than Burger King’s Eggnormous burrito, I’d go as far as to call it delicious, but it’s a little bit lacking in a few key areas. The Hash Brown Scramble consists of Chick-fil-A’s fried hash browns (which are really just tater tots) scrambled eggs, Monterey Jack and cheddar cheese, and your choice of either sausage or Chick-fil-A nuggets. I go with the nuggets because, when in Rome! Chick-fil-A has the best nuggets in the game and while I don’t think a chicken nugget is a great burrito filling, I’ll take it.
Let me just take some time to gush about the cheese used here, I love Monterey Jack cheese. It’s a lot more buttery and mild than cheddar, and pairs perfectly with tortilla. The tortilla is another thing Chick-fil-A gets right, it’s gummy and pliable, and not overly powdery and dry. But what holds this burrito back is the salsa, Chick-fil-A just can’t do salsa right. It’s too heavy on the tomato and little else. Pouring it over your burrito adds a weird sour taste that’s pretty off-putting.
The Bottom Line
A delicious fast food breakfast burrito. It’s just missing a great sauce to pair with it.
4. Sonic — Ultimate Meat & Cheese Breakfast Burrito
Sonic
Calories: 840
I rarely like anything from Sonic and the chain often inhabits the low end of our other fast food rankings, but they sure know how to make a delicious and decadent breakfast burrito. Smokey bacon (strips not bits!), tater-tots, peppery savory sausage, and a scrambled egg that puts McDonald’s, Jack in the Box, and Carl’s Jr to shame. Admittedly, the bar is set pretty low which is strange because eggs are the easiest thing to make, so it’s insane how many fast food joints just can’t make a decent scrambled one.
This burrito truly tastes like all the best parts of breakfast — great bacon, good sausage, and the aforementioned fluffy scrambled egg — wrapped in a warm tortilla, which is exactly what you want out of a breakfast burrito. In lieu of a salsa, this one features a cheese sauce which supplies a zesty flavor that is a little heavy on the salt for my liking. I prefer shredded cheese but the cheese sauce makes it so that you don’t have to use Sonic’s horrible packet salsa, so I’ll take it. Everything included in the burrito delivers and the tater tots add a nice crunch and a good serving of carbs which just makes the whole thing taste more hearty.
The Bottom Line:
A great breakfast burrito but if you want to take it to the next level definitely add diced jalapeños, which Sonic does have. Why they weren’t included automatically is a mystery! That’ll supply some of the heat that’s missing from this burrito.
I had a lot of trouble with this one. I really feel like it should be ranked higher. The eggs look and taste like fresh scrambled eggs out of your kitchen, they’re perfectly fluffy but not so cooked to the point that they no longer have any moisture in them. Qdoba’s eggs are a 10/10. The tortilla is also in another class, it’s pliable, with a hint of sweetness, it has a depth and character that almost all of the other burritos on this ranking lack. The salsa is legit fresh salsa, it’s complex with actual lingering heat (I get the salsa verde, but the fiery habanero is also very good). Qdoba also offers guacamole which is always a good idea (avocado slices are even better).
Being fully customizable you also get to choose between potato, chicken, chorizo, or steak (go with chorizo, duh) and a really runny three-cheese queso blend and yet… there is just something incredibly forgettable about this burrito. It doesn’t linger in my mind after I eat it and I can’t ever see myself waking up with a craving for a Qdoba breakfast burrito. It lacks character and the flavors don’t really gel together harmoniously despite each one of them being good and prepared with care. There is a soulless quality to Qdoba that makes their food all so unappetizing to me, and for that reason, I can’t in good faith rank this one any higher than third.
The Bottom Line
Quality ingredients that are well prepared and fully customizable. It just lacks character, which holds it back from truly being great.
2. Taco Bell — Grande Toasted Breakfast Burrito (Steak)
Taco Bell
Calories: 560
This is the highest I’ve ever ranked anything from Taco Bell. My editor is a huge Taco Bell stan, we go back and forth about Taco Bell all the time and while I’m not a fan of the Bell, I understand its appeal. Growing up in the late ’90s and early ’00s Taco Bell was one of the only fast food chains repping Mexican flavors nationwide, but being that I’m Mexican and grew up in southern California, I’ve been surrounded by amazing Mexican food all my life, so I’ve always viewed Taco Bell as its own thing. When you want Mexican food in SoCal you don’t go to Taco Bell, you go to Taco Bell when you want Taco Bell. Which is to say when you’re stoned or when you really want to stretch a dollar.
So while I don’t think Taco Bell does Mexican food well (or at all if you want to really get into it) they do know how to make a damn delicious breakfast burrito, which isn’t even Mexican food to begin with! I get this one with steak, which is admittedly a little chewier than I’d like it to be and lacks that delicious carne asada char, but it gets the job done, it also features a three-cheese blend, eggs, hashbrowns, and tomatoes. The tomatoes are bland and watery but everything else in this burrito is pretty solid. Where it really shines is in the tortilla, which is toasted and provides a nice crisp texture to every bite and brings an added warmth to the fillings that make it feel freshly prepared, even though I know it’s not because this is Taco Bell we’re talking about.
I like to pair this burrito with Taco Bell’s green sauce which really helps to add some spice and earthy notes to this more sparse breakfast burrito. While all of that doesn’t sound like it amounts to a great experience, I’d still rather have one of these than what Qdoba offers. It at least tastes like Taco Bell, so if you’re a fan of the chain it’s safe to assume you’re going to like this too.
The Bottom Line
It’s a solid breakfast burrito with a crispy tortilla that adds a level of uniqueness to it that the other burritos lack. The flavors won’t blow you away but it’s almost guaranteed to not disappoint so long as you’re already a fan of Taco Bell to begin with.
As I mentioned earlier, I live in Southern California which means I’m not just spoiled with amazing Mexican food, but there are also more great breakfast burrito spots throughout the city of Los Angeles than I can ever count or actually eat at. If I want a breakfast burrito, I’m not going to lie, I’m going to go to a place that isn’t a chain but if I’m out of my neighborhood and I feel like a breakfast burrito and don’t want to take a chance, I’ll turn to Del Taco every time, it’s the only chain that makes something that comes close to a greasy spoon breakfast burrito.
The Epic Scrambler Burrito, which is available in your choice of bacon or carne asada (I get carne asada) is on a whole other level that Taco Bell isn’t operating on. The scrambled eggs are decent, they’re not quite as good as Qdobas, but Del Taco’s hashbrowns have a great texture without tasting overly salted, the carne asada actually has a delicious grilled char to it that is sorely missing in almost every other option. The pico de gallo offers a lot of character and complexity, striking that perfect balance between bright and bitey onion, juicy acidic tomatoes, and peppery cilantro. Is it as good as homemade pico de gallo? No, but it at least tastes like someone in Del Taco made it and it didn’t come pre-mixed. The freshly grated cheddar cheese is nutty with a subtly sharp and salty flavor and melts perfectly, leaving every bite with a gooey trail of cheese. I always ask for extra cheese on this one.
It’s also perfectly wrapped, unlike a lot of the other burritos on this list (namely the Egg-enormous), I don’t feel the need to constantly readjust this burrito to keep it from falling apart between bites. Tieing all these flavors together is a red salsa that brings some zest but not nearly enough heat. It’s nothing a few packets of Del Scorcho sauce can’t remedy though.
The Bottom Line
The closest thing you’re going to find in the fast-food landscape to a greasy spoon or food truck-made breakfast burrito. Every ingredient in this burrito is in its proper place.
Amazon Prime might not be your first stop when you’re trying to pick a movie night binge, but it should be. That’s because there are a ton of interesting, entertaining films lurking on the streaming platform. You just have to know where to look.
To help you out, we’ve rounded up the 35 best movies on Amazon Prime right now. From new Oscar winners to indie dramas, fantasy musicals, and a bunch of action flicks, you might be surprised at how stacked this lineup is.
Riz Ahmed stars in this powerful, heartbreaking Amazon original movie from director Darius Marder. Ahmed plays a heavy-metal drummer named Ruben who, along with his girlfriend and the band’s lead singer Lou (Olivia Cooke) hopes to make it big in the music scene. His plans are thrown for a loop when he begins to lose his hearing, putting his life, and his love for music, in jeopardy.
Awkwafina stars in this dramedy from director Lulu Wang that got a fair amount of Oscar buzz this season. The story follows a Chinese family, who discovers their beloved grandmother has only a short time to live. Instead of telling her, they keep the news to themselves, planning a wedding so that everyone can gather to say their goodbyes. It’s a dark comedy to be sure, but it’s given heart by some brilliant performances including Shuzhen Zhao as the central Nai Nai.
Nauseating. Disturbing. A total mindf*ck. Those are all fitting descriptions of Ari Aster’s Hereditary follow-up, a sophomore outing that gleefully embraces the very worst of humanity and shines an unforgiving light on those universal flaws. It’s a horror story, sure, but it’s a relationship drama at its core, flavored with pagan rituals, brutal killings, unsettling imagery, and all-consuming grief. Florence Pugh gives a career-defining performance as Dani, a young woman reeling from a terrible familial tragedy who accompanies her distant, disinterested boyfriend Christian (Jack Reynor) and his college bros to a small Swedish village to celebrate the summer solstice.
John Boyega was battling evil creatures from space long before he got his big Star Wars break. This scrappy sci-fi flick which sees Boyega play Moses, a stree-wise gang leader in South London who leads his crew in a fight against an alien invasion, has become something of a cult classic over the years. It’s got a strong cast — Jodie Whitaker pre Doctor Who — a compelling story, and enough ridiculously fun action to keep things interesting.
The latest Leos Carax joint is this musical fantasy epic that sees Adam Driver and Marion Cotillard play a pair of star-crossed lovers whose whirlwind romance meets a tragic, weird AF end. Driver plays Henry McHenry, a comedian who loves to stoke controversy with his art. Cotillard plays Ann, a beautiful and talented opera singer at the height of her career. Jealousy and infidelity destroy their relationship, but not before the couple has an extraordinary child with an unusual gift that takes the world by storm. It’s a strange, absorbing, surrealist journey Carax takes audiences on here, and Driver has never been better.
Regina King’s first outing as a director comes in the form of this moving drama that imagines a meeting between some of the most influential icons in the Civil Rights Movement. In a room at the Hampton House in February 1964, Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, Jim Brown, and Sam Cooke gather to celebrate Ali’s victory over boxer Sonny Liston where they also discuss their own roles in the movement and confront the harsh realities of the Jim Crow Era.
Ridley Scott basically invented sci-fi horror with this alien thriller about a crew on a commercial space tug who must battle a violent extraterrestrial being that’s infiltrated their ship. Sigourney Weaver plays Ripley, an officer aboard the Nostromo, who’s forced to face down the titular Alien, an aggressive life form intent upon killing the ship’s human crew. Most of the action revolves around Weaver’s attempts to destroy the creature and save her shipmates, but it’s Scott’s direction behind the camera that creates the suspense and terror this film has become known for.
Steven Spielberg is the genius behind this mind-bending futuristic crime drama starring Tom Cruise and Colin Farrell. Cruise plays John Anderton, a police chief in charge of a unit capable of arresting criminals before they commit their crimes thanks to a trio of psychics called “precogs.” When Anderton is identified as a future murderer, he goes on the run with one of the precogs and uncovers a deeper conspiracy that forces him (and us) to question the nature of free will.
Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara star in this muted crime thriller from David Fincher based on a best-selling series of books. Mara plays a gifted young hacker with a dark past who teams up with Craig’s journalist to investigate the mysterious disappearance of a wealthy woman from a prominent family 40 years earlier.
Jimmie Fails plays himself in this semi-autobiographical drama about a young man’s attempts to reclaim his childhood home. Fails and his best friend, Mont (Jonathan Majors), visit the old Victorian house where Fails grew up, only to find it in disarray. When the current tenants find themselves embroiled in a fight for ownership, forced to move out while the battle plays out in court, Jimmy and Mont move in, fixing up the place and fighting to restore some of the neighborhood’s old school charm.
Burn After Reading is for people who like their comedy unapologetically mean. Pitch black and filled with irredeemable idiots, Burn After Reading features Brad Pitt as the opportunistic himbo Chad who accidentally acquires the sensitive memoirs of a CIA agent and George Clooney as the inept and unscrupulous U.S. Marshall who is trying to retrieve it. While these two morons may be at the center of the film, scene-stealing supporting performances from Frances McDormand and John Malkovich really elevate this to one of the Coens’ funniest and best films to date.
Robert De Niro stars in this boxing drama from Martin Scorsese playing famed fighter Jake LaMotta. LaMotta succeeded in the ring because of his infamous temper and violence but those same traits are what led him to ruin away from the mat. De Niro plays LaMotta with a kind of swagger and ruthlessness that’s magnetic on-screen, even though the character sees-saws between hero and villain in his own story.
Seth Rogen and Joseph Gordon-Levitt star in this dramedy based on a true story about a 27-year-old guy battling cancer, and the friend that tries to support him along the way. Levitt plays Adam, a reserved young man facing a cancer diagnosis that requires a risky surgical operation to cure. Rogen plays his best friend Kyle, an outspoken slacker who uses his friend’s illness to pick up women. The two share some darkly comedic jabs on the topic that’ll have you laughing out loud, even though you probably shouldn’t.
Brad Pitt and Jason Statham star in this crime comedy from Guy Ritchie. One half of the story follows Benicio del Toro who plays a diamond thief trying to sell his stolen goods to some double-crossing gangsters. The other story follows Statham as a small-time boxing promoter struggling to get out from under the thumb of a ruthless drug lord with a love for torture. Ritchie’s patented vibe is on full display here which makes it a quintessentially fun British jaunt.
Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton star in this darkly comedic love story about a pair of centuries-old vampires who are contemplating the respective ends of their very long lives together. Hiddleston plays a reclusive undead musician who, despite his fame, seems suicidally depressed. Swinton plays his wife, living at the opposite end of the world, who pays him a visit in the hopes of cheering him up. And Mia Wasikowska shows up at some point, playing Swinton’s younger, erratic sister who makes a mess of everything. It’s a quirky drama that tackles specific genre tropes in a fresh way.
In Bruges was the movie that revealed Colin Farrell could be funny. A character actor stuck in a leading man’s body, Farrell gives arguably the best performance of his career as Ray, a rookie Irish hitman on the run with his partner and mentor, Ken (Brendan Gleeson), after accidentally killing a kid while executing a priest. While that may not sound much like the premise of a comedy, director Martin McDonagh crafted a truly hilarious movie. Farrell and Gleeson play off each other wonderfully all the way to the film’s dark finale. But as great as they are, they’re overshadowed at times by an incredible performance from Ralph Fiennes as their boss, Harry. Fiennes is at once funny and terrifying as a man steadfast in his principles, even when that involves committing murder.
Sometimes, the world just needs a dumb sci-fi action flick. Chris Pratt knows this which is why he gave us The Tommorrow War, a movie with an interesting premise that ends up following conventional blockbuster beats that never surprise us, but still manage to keep us entertained. Pratt plays a family man and scientist, who’s drafted into a future war with an alien race intent on the extinction of humanity. Once he arrives in the future, he uncovers some shocking truths about the origins of this all-consuming fight and the specific role he has to play in its eventual end. JK Simmons shows up eventually to play, what else, a bada**. Really, what more do you need to know?
Call us jaded, but few movies that are as hyped up as this Rian Johnson whodunnit actually live up to the hype. You’ve got an A-list cast that’s somehow managing to share the screen and carve out singular moments for their characters despite a packed plot. You’ve got a story with twists and turns and darkly comedic gags you could never see coming. And you’ve got Johnson, who managed to make an original film that actually competed with, and surpassed, some established franchises at the box office. Something’s got to be wrong with this movie, right? Wrong. It’s as layered and nuanced and perfect as Chris Evans’ waffle-knit sweater. Enjoy.
Faye Dunaway and Jack Nicholson star in this neo-noir about a private investigator who becomes entangled in a government scheme. Nicholson plays Jake Gittes, a P.I. hired by Evelyn Malwray (Dunaway) to follow her husband and report on his dealings. It turns out, Mr. Malwray was at the center of a government cover-up as the local water authority was trying to run people off their land by drying up their water source. There’s a lot going on here — corruption, a twisted family secret, romance, and plenty of violence — but watching Nicholson confusedly sort through it all is most of the fun.
This fantasy-comedy from Tim Burton stars Ewan McGregor as a young Edward Bloom, a man with a gift for story-telling and a lust for life. In the present, Edward Bloom is an old man, on the outs with his son and on his deathbed. His son Will (Billy Crudup), having grown up hearing his father’s tall tales, believes he’s lied to him his entire life. As Edward narrates his life, the fantastical adventures he went on, meeting Will’s mother, joining a circus, saving a town, meeting a big fish, Will decides to investigate his father’s claims and discovers that the truth is just a matter of perspective. In the end, the film is about reconciliation and appreciating life to its fullest.
When filmmaker Kurt Kuenne’s childhood friend Andrew Bagby is killed and his suspected killer/ex-girlfriend reveals she’s pregnant, Kurt decides to make a documentary chronicling Andrew’s life. While largely a love letter to a man who touched the lives of many for Zachary, the son he never met, Dear Zachary also tells the starkly bitter side of a broken Canadian legal system that directly endangered a baby. We follow the drawn-out custody battle between Andrew’s parents and Zachary’s mother, interspersed with loving snapshots into the Bagby family. The story sucks you in, but it’s also the at times comedic, fast-paced, and downright enraging documentary style of the film that breaks up the emotional tale.
Mindy Kaling and Emma Thompson team up for this comedy that imagines the grit and humor it takes to lead a late-night talk show as a woman. Thompson plays Katherine Newbury, an accomplished TV personality who fears she may lose her talk show because of declining ratings and competition from a younger, male comedian. She hires Molly (Kaling) a comedy writer with little experience to diversify her team, and the two women weather hilarious mishaps and a few scandals to bring the show back on track.
With just a few bars on the piano and an oversized mechanical shark, Steven Spielberg terrorized generations of moviegoers with Jaws. The film follows a local sheriff, a marine biologist, and an old seafarer who team up to hunt a great white shark who has a worrisome bloodlust and seems to be targeting a small beach town during the busiest time of the year. Spielberg’s camera work — the lingering, under water shots, the quick cuts of flesh being torn from bone and rows of teeth flashing to the surface — makes this exercise in inciting aquaphobia even more chilling. You’ll never look at a carefree day at the beach the same way again.
Shia LaBeouf writes and stars in this semi-autobiographical tale of his time as a child star. Noah Jupe plays the younger version of himself while LaBeouf plays his controlling, often abusive father. The two live in motel rooms in L.A. while Otis (Jupe) works on a popular kids TV show. Their relationship becomes strained as Otis ages, and his dad James (LaBeouf) grows resentful of his son’s success. Lucas Hedges plays an elder Otis, who struggles with all kinds of addictions because of his rough, unconventional upbringing. It’s a tough watch but one that feels refreshingly honest, and you can’t deny LaBeouf’s talent and courage in telling such a raw, intimate story.
Based on a historical crime novel set in Victoria-Era England, Park Chan-wook’s lavish, mesmerizing thriller focuses on two young women fighting to escape oppression by the men in their lives. Chan-woo has traded the stuffy British countryside for Japanese-occupied Korea, telling the stories of Lady Hideko and her handmaiden Sook-hee in three parts, weaving a tale of passion, betrayal, dark secrets, and revenge with grander themes of imperialism, colonial rule, and patriarchal corruption. The two women are the draw of the film with both resorting to illicit, illegal, morally compromising schemes in order to gain their freedom, but love is an unintended consequence that leaves the third act — one you might think you have figured out halfway through the film — completely unpredictable.
Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon drew from their own unusual love story for their script about a Chicago comic named Kumail (Nanjiani) who falls in love with Emily, a woman (Zoe Kazan) who falls into a coma while in the midst of a rift in their relationship created by the expectations of Kumail’s traditional parents. The funny, moving romantic comedy also features strong supporting work from Ray Romano and Holly Hunter as Emily’s parents, who form an awkward bond with Kumail as they wait for Emily’s recovery.
Joaquin Phoenix stars as a troubled hitman with a dark past in this thrilling crime flick from Lynne Ramsay. Phoenix plays Joe, a gun for hire, former military man and FBI agent, who spends most of his time rescuing victims of sex trafficking. He’s recruited to save a Senator’s daughter from a brothel that caters to high-end clientele, but the job thrusts him into the center of a conspiracy that costs him everything and ends in blood and tragedy. It’s a relentless slog to be sure, but it works because Ramsay is more interested in profiling the man, not the hits he makes.
Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe star in this truly bonkers period drama from Robert Eggers. It’s a beautifully shot portrait of two men slowly driven to the brink of insanity by their choice in career — they’re stuck alone on a slab of rock, looking after a crumbling lighthouse. Pattinson masturbates to visions of mermaids, and Dafoe gets drunk and does a jig. To say anything more would be spoiling the fun.
Steve Carell and Timothee Chalamet star in this heartbreaking drama about a father trying to save his son from a drug addiction that’s slowly eating away at his family. Carell plays David, a New York Times writer who struggles to help his son Nic (Chalamet) after he falls victim to a worrying drug habit. He has moments of sobriety, attending college, living with his mother in L.A., and working at a drug clinic to help others battling the disease. Yet eventually, his addiction returns, and Nic is powerless to fight it. David is forced to choose between sacrificing his family and his own sanity or continuing to help his son. Both Carell and Chalamet give powerful performances that elevate what essentially is an emotionally restrained look at father-son relationships and the landmines they navigate.
A portrait of a particular moment in music history, when the folk revival found young musicians discovering their voices in old styles and old songs, Inside Llewyn Davis stars Oscar Isaac as a singer/songwriter who can never quite translate his talent into professional success. Joel and Ethan Coen both exactingly recreate early ‘60s New York and use it as the site of one of an affecting tale of the clash between artistic impulses and the needs of the material world, a theme they’d previously explored with Barton Fink and would pick up again with Hail, Caesar!.
Tom Hanks stars in this mafia drama about a mob enforcer whose son witnesses a terrible crime. Hanks plays Michael Sullivan, a loyal employee of mob boss John Rooney. When Michael’s son witnesses a hit that Rooney had instructed his henchmen to carry out, the two go on the run, seeking redemption and revenge for the violence they’ve helped to cause
Eva Khatchadourian (Tilda Swinton), who’s unwilling and unable to properly care for her troubled son Kevin, watches her life unravel as her husband (John C. Reilly) ignores their problems and Kevin grows more and more sociopathic and violent. The story jumps around in time, showing Swinton’s character as both a new mother who blames her son for ruining her life and as a woman who eventually blames herself for what becomes of her son. Swinton proves once again that she’s the actress that indie movies need for complex characters that live their lives in grey areas. At its core, We Need To Talk is about the importance of proper parenting, communication, and probably therapy. And it’s not for the faint of heart.
Another Dunst/Coppola team-up, this period drama is a visual feast that gives Dunst two hours to play, in costume, as France’s once most-hated woman, Marie Antoinette. Born to marry the French King Louis XVI, the ill-fated queen lived lavishly, died tragically, and in-between, shouldered the burden of making a marriage to an apathetic man work while carving out her own bit of freedom.
This Steven Spielberg sci-fi film is a bonafide classic. Entire childhoods were built around this thing. So there’s not much more we can add to persuade you to watch it if you haven’t already, but just in case, here’s the cliff notes: boy discovers alien lifeform, boy befriends alien lifeform, boy helps alien lifeform get back to his planet before the government can experiment on him.
Coherence is one of those low-budget sci-fi stories that is extremely tough to explain without either giving too much away or requiring an extended entry. Essentially, a group of friends sifts through their own issues and insecurities during a mind-bending paradoxical experience. Taking place almost entirely in the same room on a single night, the characters struggle to find answers just as much as the viewer. It’s a challenging yet enthralling film, perfect for those who love to overthink things.
Recent Changes Through August 2021
Removed: Fight Club, Saint Maud, It’s A Wonderful Life, Signs, Unbreakable, A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Added: The Tomorrow War, Attack The Block, Annette, Only Lovers Left Alive, Jaws, In Bruges
It’s not hard to find a cheap bottle of bourbon in America. It is a little harder to find a good cheap bottle of bourbon, though. Not impossible, mind you — but there’s a lot of rough stuff on those lower shelves. That’s why we’re calling out ten bottles of cheap bourbon to help you make the right decisions when picking out mixing whiskeys for your bar cart.
While there are bourbons that cost less than $10, they’re not really worth our time right now. Our cut-off for cheap bourbon is the lower-shelf whiskeys that are still “straight bourbon” whiskeys. That denotes at least two years of aging in new oak, proofing standards, and bourbon-only juices. Cheap labels with just “bourbon” on them or “blended bourbon whiskey” will be bourbon cut with neutral grain spirits, making them dirt cheap.
We’re only calling out straight bourbons below. Each one should cost less than $20 for a standard bottle. Some of the prices below may inch higher or lower depending on your state’s taxes but those prices won’t shift dramatically. And if you want to give any of these cheap bourbons a shot, click on the prices!
Heaven Hill’s Henry McKenna is a classic bourbon dating back to the 19th century that was billed as a “table bourbon.” While this doesn’t reach the heights of the single barrel version under the same brand name, it’s an everyday whiskey that works in any application.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a sense of old sawdust next to hints of corncakes, Caro corn syrup, butter, vanilla, and a touch of caramel. The palate really holds onto those notes with a touch of ground cinnamon next to more of that vanilla, corn syrup, and sawdust. The end is short, hot, and sweet.
Bottom Line:
This isn’t mind-blowing but it’s got enough of its own charm to make this list. It’s also cheap enough to be a solid whiskey to use when practicing your cocktail mixing skills. That said, we wouldn’t really recommend pouring this one into a Glencairn and spending too much time looking for something deeper.
Early Times has had a very tumultuous 160+ year history. This release was an early 2010s attempt to bring the brand back to prominence but fizzled out by the middle of the decade. You can still find bottles floating around and… they’re not bad.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear sense of cornmeal, light vanilla, wet oak, and an orange/apple vibe on the nose. The palate isn’t too drastically different, with plenty of that orchard and citrus pushing towards a light dusting of dark spices and more vanilla. The end is short and sweet.
Bottom Line:
If you do find a bottle or two of this, it might be worth storing it away, in case this expression never comes back. Or just drink it and see if you can figure out why it failed at the time. If this were still widely available, it’d probably rank a bit higher but here we are.
The McAfree brothers were the trio who followed the Great Buffalo Trail from Virginia into Kentucky in the 1770s and founded what would become part of today’s Buffalo Trace. The bourbon in this very cheap bottle is a standard “small batch” though there’s not a whole lot of information on what that entails exactly. Otherwise, this is a standard bourbon that’s made for mixing.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a truly basic bourbon vibe on the nose and throughout the palate. Vanilla extract, slightly wet oak, and that raw Buffalo Trace leather dominate the nose. The taste pretty much stays in that arena, with caramel apples and floral honey popping up next to a slight metallic note and soft mineral water mouthfeel. The end is short and sweet and leaves you with that leather, oak, and vanilla primarily.
Bottom Line:
This is Buffalo Trace’s other cheap bourbon (along with Ancient Age). This is inching towards “on the rocks” territory but still feels very much like a good, cheap mixer more than anything else.
Luxco’s Ezra Brooks is a throwback to the Mad Men days of bourbon. The juice is a standard rye-infused bourbon without an age statement. It’s made as a workhorse whiskey that’s easy to find and cheap when you do find it.
Tasting Notes:
Classic yet mild notes of caramel corn, vanilla, and oaky spice lead the way. There’s a continued sense of those notes on the palate, with a hint of dark chocolate and spice when a little water is introduced. The end is short, caramel sweet, and has hints of kettle corn.
Bottom Line:
This is complex but will still have that cheaper vibe going on, making it the perfect mixer. A classic highball will bring out more of those mild dark chocolate notes with a hint of orange.
This is Heaven Hill’s other gateway bourbon. There are no frills involved. This is standard bourbon that’s aged for three years before blending, proofing, and bottling.
Tasting Notes:
This is light, with a sense of cornmeal next to classic bourbon vanilla and butterscotch. That butterscotch sweetness tends to be the defining point as the corn and vanilla fade. The end has a bit of warm spice that works well with the corn syrup sweetness and vanilla.
Bottom Line:
This is one of those bottles that I dismissed for the longest time. Then I tried it in a blind tasting and it popped. Look, it’s not a life-changing bourbon. It’s a really solid mixing bourbon with real nuance for highballs, and that’s enough at this price point.
This whiskey is made from Beam’s other mash bill. That’d be their high-rye bourbon mash. From there, the whiskey rests for a few years in Beam’s expansive rickhouses before it’s vatted, proofed down with that Kentucky limestone water, and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
This is very even-keeled between the nose and palate. You’re drawn in with notes of cream soda and maybe even Vanilla Coke next to a touch of Beam cherry and oak. That cherry leans into spicy cherry tobacco territory with a light chewiness next to notes of cinnamon, clove, and maybe a touch of pepper. The end is short, hot, and leaves you with a cherry vanilla vibe.
Bottom Line:
You really can’t go wrong with good ol’ Old Grand-Dad for mixing. It’s solid as a shooter with a beer back, as well. Beyond that, we’re not really talking about a sipper so stick to cocktails (and highballs).
This is a quality whiskey (from Heaven Hill) at a very accessible price point. It’s a bottled-in-bond, meaning it’s from one distilling season, aged for at least four years, and bottled at 100 proof.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear caramel and cream soda sweetness that definitely does draw you in. A touch of dark spice lingers in the background with a bit more of that vanilla-forward cream soda sweetness on the palate, making the sip very easy. The end has a touch more of that spice, followed by a moment of oak buried under the creamy vanilla.
Bottom Line:
This is another bottle that’s grown on me the more I poured it over ice and mixed it with soda water. It’s easy, a little warm, and perfect for highballs thanks to that bottled-in-bond ABV.
This bourbon has a low-rye mash bill. It’s aged for four years before the barrels are blended and it’s cut down to 80 proof. This is a lot of folks’ entry point into the wider world of bourbon because it’s a quaffable whiskey that’s very affordable and on pretty much every liquor store shelf right at eye level.
Tasting Notes:
You can sense the corn next to classic bourbon notes of caramel, vanilla, and orchard fruit. The sip centers the vanilla and caramel as a distant echo of oak arrives on the tongue. The sip warms, with a bit of spice next to a sweetened caramel corn edge on the fast finish.
Bottom Line:
This is the perfect party bourbon for mixing, shooting, or drinking however you want. It’s super cheap, available literally everywhere booze is sold, and delivers a solid bourbon flavor profile.
This was devised as a more approachable and mixable version of Wild Turkey 101 (Campari Group). The juice is rye-forward and aged from six to eight years in heavily charred “alligator” barrels. Finally, it’s brought down to proof with that famously soft Kentucky limestone water.
Tasting Notes:
This is truly classic bourbon through and through. The nose has hints of that oak with sweet pears covered in caramel with a slight spice and plenty of vanilla. Hints of buttery kettle corn mix with more pear and maybe a touch of peach too. The spiciness edges towards a Christmas spice boldness as the oak, vanilla, and caramel slowly fade out.
Bottom Line:
No list of cheap bourbon is complete without a little Turkey. This pared-down version of 101 is designed specifically for mixing behind the bar. It’s bold-yet-easy, making it the perfect cocktail base but it also works as an on the rocks sipper in a pinch.
So this is a “small batch” in theory and name more than practice. The expression is a marrying of 200 barrels of bourbon from Heaven Hill’s warehouses. That juice is then proofed down to 45 proof and bottled as is.
Tasting Notes:
The whiskey pulls you in with a touch of cornbread dripping with butter next to bourbon vanilla and hints of oak. The taste adds a drop of honey to that buttery cornbread as fruitiness takes on a tart caramel apple edge. The end is short, sweet, full of corn, and a little oaky.
Bottom Line:
This is squarely in the workhorse genre. It’s perfectly suitable as an “on the rocks” sipper, highball base, or cocktail bourbon. You really can’t go wrong with this one and that’s why it’s taking the top spot today.
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The world of fast food moves…well, fast for lack of a better word. In March of this year, we ranked the 10 best chicken nuggets in fast food in an effort to separate the good from the bad, and here we are five months later, and that list is already outdated. It might seem crazy to drop a best nuggets list two times in a single year, but there are new nuggets on the scene, and a few we missed the first time around, so we’ve expanded our original ranking from 10 to 16 (that’s more than 50% more nuggets!), making sure to hit up every nugget on the West Coast we could get our hungry hands-on. Luckily our chicken tenders ranking still stands the test of time.
This time around we tried to be as thorough as possible, we included new chains that recently launched nuggets, included grilled options, and even hit other fried chicken anomalies like Burger King’s Chicken Fries in order to give a comprehensive picture of what’s out there and what’s worth eating. Because I’m based in California and COVID-19 has put all travel plans on hold, there are still some missing entries here, namely White Castle’s Chicken Rings (which thank god, I don’t want to even see what that means) and Whataburger’s Whatachick’n Bites, but we’ll be sure to add those in as soon as we get out to those chains.
For now, let’s rank what we’ve got!
16. Dairy Queen — Rotisserie-style Chicken Bites
Dairy Queen
Calories: 160
Nope, just nope. I can’t for the life of me figure out why the hell Dairy Queen thought that the fast food space was missing rotisserie chicken nuggets. DQ doesn’t even have fried chicken nuggets, just these, it’s bizarre. Boston Market, the kings of rotisserie, haven’t even dropped a rotisserie nugget because literally, no one wants this.
No hate to rotisserie chicken, it’s great, but part of what makes it good is that the whole chicken is slow-cooked on a rotating spit creating a tender and juicy texture that effortlessly falls of the bone. There is no bone here, and we doubt it was slow-cooked so we’re not sure what makes it rotisserie at all and this chicken couldn’t be further from juicy.
It’s almost shockingly dry and the flavor is a bland mix of onion powder and salt with a slight hint of rosemary on the aftertaste. You couldn’t pay me to eat these again I rather have only Burger King (our original bottom pick) for the rest of my life.
The Bottom Line:
Run! You won’t find a worst nugget on this planet. They’re threateningly bad.
Welcome to your near spot in our ranking Burger King. It’s not number one, but it’s also not the bottom! Something that I’ll never get over is the fact that $1.89 will buy you a 10 piece order of Burger King’s chicken nuggets. It sends alarm bells in my head, what the hell is in these nuggets that they’re this cheap?
Well, according to the BK website: boneless chicken breast with rib meat, water (so far, so good), isolated oat product (I’ll look past it), potato starch, seasoning, salt, sodium phosphate… so, nothing too out of the ordinary compared to its chicken nugget brethren. Regardless, these aren’t good. Which shouldn’t surprise anyone because this is Burger King we’re talking about, and they’re not so bad that they’re last, so… that’s something. Here is what’s wrong with them — the meat has a strange wet and sweaty texture, that always comes out bad no matter how fresh you get them. Also, the outer shell never really crusts as much as you’d like them to in order to produce a pleasing audible crunch (a necessity in a good nugget).
They’re always just… slightly soggy. Or perhaps floppy, and sweaty, if you prefer.
This year Arby’s launched their new Premium Nuggets and I have to admit, I was pretty psyched to try them. Along with the Popeyes nuggets, these new nugs were behind my motivation to update this list so early. Arby’s is a seriously underrated fast food establishment. Yes, joking about it being bad is easy, especially with its whole “we’ve got the meats” slogan and stubborn stance against all things plant-based, but what other drive-thru is going to offer you a roast beef or French dip sandwich and actually be able to deliver the flavor?
Arby’s gives us variety in the fast food universe, and that’s what we need more of. What they don’t need to do is attempt fried chicken. These premium nuggets are dry and the batter is so crumbly that it’s almost powdery. On top of the poor texture, these are also poorly seasoned. They’re so bad I actually had to utilize a salt and pepper packet just to make them palatable.
The Bottom Line:
Don’t be lured by your curiosity, Arby’s doesn’t know what the hell it’s doing when it comes to making chicken nuggets.
If you absolutely insist on going the healthy route and ordering grilled nuggets over fried, these are your safest bet. My advice would be to ditch Chick-fil-A entirely and just head to El Pollo Loco where you can get flame-grilled chicken that actually has the charred flavor of fire, unlike these which only look like they’re charred.
Part of what makes Chick-fil-A’s nuggets so good (more on this later) is the delicious batter they’re breaded in, so these grilled nuggets take the worst part of the nugget — the chicken — and put it forward as the centerpiece. I’ll admit that they’re juicy and not nearly as dry as they look, but the overall flavor is just so bland and boring. You can’t get through an order without dipping them in sauce, and a good nugget doesn’t need a sauce to make it palatable, it’s supposed to use dipping sauce to enhance the experience. It’s just hard to love these in comparison to something deep-fried.
The Bottom Line:
If you’re gonna get grilled nuggets, get these I guess, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to being as good as its fried counterpart.
Sonic’s Jumbo Popcorn Chicken is a significant step up from our last entry. The chicken isn’t nearly as dry and the batter is crunchy and keeps its crispiness after being dunked in sauce. The nugg features a strong pepper-forward flavor that also pairs well with just about every dipping sauce in the game. Like a good nugget should.
This chicken lives up to its name, too. These are indeed “jumbo bites” — popping a whole one in your mouth will be too much chicken to chew at one time, defeating the purpose of a nugget.
But if you’re at Sonic, your money is better spent on some of their other sides, like the mozzarella sticks, chili cheese tots, or jalapeño poppers.
The Bottom Line:
Not bad, but easily one of Sonic’s weaker snack offerings.
It seems almost rude to rank Carl’s Jr’s weird star-shaped Chicken nuggets higher than, well, anything. But unsettling shape aside, these things actually have a pretty good flavor. Yes, the chicken inside is spongey, with a webby appearance that is so off-putting we suggest you don’t look directly into it unless you want to instantly ruin your appetite, but they do have a great crispy outer coating and it’s fun to eat them one star point at a time. Am I the only one who does that?
The only weak point we find in these nuggets is that the shell gets harder the longer you wait. So if you order these, eat them quickly.
The Bottom Line
Chicken the way you’ve always wanted it — in the shape of a star. Really? Just me?
If you want chicken nuggets from Rally’s, you have to order an entire half-pound box, no exceptions. That doesn’t make this meal expensive, but it does make it excessive. In most cases, asking for a small order of nuggets is a great way to indulge and get an extra side to accompany your fries and burger. At Rally’s, the chicken bites are the meal.
Luckily (considering how many of them you’re stuck with), Rally’s chicken bites are pretty good. They have a crispy-almost-dusty-dry batter that soaks up sauce excellently and the white meat chicken inside is a considerable step up in terms of quality (especially compared to Carl’s Jr’s mystery meat). Sure, you can’t dip them one star point at a time, but we can’t have everything, can we?
Unfortunately, by the time you’re done with the box, you’re going to be burnt out from these things. If chicken is going to be your whole meal at Rally’s, we suggest you opt for the Mother Cruncher chicken sandwich instead. If only so that you can say “Can I get a Mother Cruncher please?”
The Bottom Line
Good, but not good enough to make it through an entire half-pound order.
I’ve always thought these things were weird, they’re sort of halfway between a chicken strip and a nugget, and they have this odd overly peppered flavor that lingers on your mouth for way longer than you want it to. Seriously, a full soda couldn’t even erase this taste from your mouth. But as strange as Burger King’s Chicken Fries are, I have to admit, they’re leagues better than BK’s nuggies.
The meat doesn’t have that weird sweaty texture that Burger King’s nuggets do and the batter stays nice and crispy, adding a good bit of crunch to every bite. They pretty much act as an improvement in every way to the OG nugs.
The Bottom Line:
Burger King’s best chicken product. Yes, that’s right, this is better than those horrible sandwiches they launched a couple of months back, mostly because there is less actual chicken to eat.
We probably wouldn’t think twice about whether or not these nuggets are good if their spicy counterpart didn’t exist. Without that spicy exterior, Wendy’s non-spicy nuggets don’t have that addicting lingering heat that helps to mask the weird spongey texture of this chicken meat.
The batter is a slight improvement, it’s lighter than the spicy version and doesn’t have that same jagged texture, and overall the meat is a little juicer and less dry. But the overall flavor just isn’t nearly as good. I don’t believe that spicy always trumps non-spicy but in this case, the experience isn’t even close.
The Bottom Line:
Order the spicy nuggets or grab a chicken sandwich over these. Easily Wendy’s lowest-ranked chicken product.
When Jack in the Box first dropped their version of the chicken nugget in 2012, I thought to myself, “Wow, this tastes just like Jack in the Box chicken tenders but in a different shape!” But preferring the form factor of the tender (who doesn’t?) I never ordered them again. Then, sometime last year, Jack in the Box quietly changed the recipe of their chicken tenders and now I hate them. This means I’ve since turned to the Jack in the Box nugget to satisfy my JiB chicken needs (I eat a lot of Jack in the Box, perhaps because I write about weed).
I really like the batter here, it’s not as crispy as I’d like it to be but it has a great flavor, with heavy notes of black pepper and subtle undertones of garlic powder, plus a little onion powder that lingers nicely on the palate and cuts through the sauce. Still, I can’t help but think about how delicious those tenders used to be. I wish we could have them back.
The Bottom Line
These taste great paired with Jack’s BBQ sauce or Buttermilk Ranch and even better doused in Frank’s Red Hot.
That batter here is fantastic, it’s well seasoned with the perfect mix of garlic powder, salt, and pepper, it’s crunchy and provides a nice sensory experience while eating it that makes you even hungrier, and the chicken inside is considerably more moist than the lower-ranked nuggets… but that’s where all our praise ends.
What holds these nuggets so far back is the awful, and I must reiterate for emphasis, awful texture that the actual meat inside has. It’s cubey, and chunky, providing a straight-up off-putting mouthfeel that totally ruins the experience. The batter is classic Popeyes though, and that’s good enough to rank it higher than Jack in the Box.
The Bottom Line
Yes, these are much better than some of the lower-ranked nuggets on this list, but they aren’t good. Order any other chicken product from Popeyes, like spicy or mild tenders, but don’t take a chance on the nuggets. They have one of the weirdest textures of all time. Don’t take this review’s word for it, hit my full review to get a comprehensive understanding on why these miss the mark.
KFC’s Popcorn Nuggets — wait a minute, since when were these things called “Popcorn Nuggets?” Is this a Berenstain Bears Mandela thing? I did the research and no, it’s not. For whatever reason KFC rebranded its Popcorn Chicken as Popcorn Nuggets in 2015. Why? Are nuggets easier to sell than regular chicken? KFC has since changed its formula from its original ’90s popcorn recipe. The pieces these days are thicker, giving you a meatier bite of white meat chicken in KFC’s extra crispy style batter.
The meat feels pretty high quality here, as far as fast-food fried chicken goes. It looks, smells, and tastes like chicken, and really, what more can you ask for in a chicken nugget (the bar isn’t set too high)? Still, if you’re at KFC, you should probably just get the Original Recipe fried chicken and call it a day.
The Bottom Line
A strong and solid mid-tier nugget, but if KFC offered it in Original Recipe it would be a significantly better experience.
I used to think Shack Shack’s Chick ‘n Bites were severely underrated, but after having them on a good handful of occasions, I have to bump them down a rank. One thing I love about these nuggets is that they. are noticeably hand-breaded — which we can’t say for any other nugget on this list — incredibly crispy with a cornstarch-based batter that is extra crunchy but keeps the chicken inside moist and flavorful and made with antibiotic-free whole muscle chicken, sous-vide cooked! I love that on paper. But in actuality, if they aren’t piping hot, they’re soggy and the batter falls apart easily.
Inside you’ll find easily some of the juiciest, highest quality chicken nuggets in the fast-food universe. But once the outer batter gets weirdly wet and they just fall apart, and for that, I have to rank them lower than the McNugget.
The Bottom Line
Delicious but forgettable. That says something about these nuggets we can’t quite articulate, but it’s proof they don’t deserve the number one spot.
The Chicken McNugget is arguably why chicken nuggets are even a thing in the fast-food space. The McDonald’s McNugget is every kid’s favorite fast food treat (grown-ass millennials are all over them, too — thanks to Pokemon and BTS, of all things) and if this ranking was built purely off of nostalgia, these babies would certainly land in the number one spot.
But we didn’t rank these nuggets based on nostalgia. And even though McNugget has come a long way since its questionable beginnings (these nuggets used to be made with a blend of chicken meats, rather than white breast meat), they’re still not quite to the quality deserving of a position higher than this Don’t get us wrong, when McNuggets are good, they’re great! A fresh McNugget is hot enough that you can’t really zero in on the weird texture of the spongey chicken meat inside and features a crispy batter that is still pretty much unbeatable. It’s airy, flakey, absorbs sauce perfectly, and in perfect ratio to the chicken inside.
Unfortunately, McDonald’s is pretty hit or miss. When you get a bad McNugget the experience is bad enough to turn your off from chicken nuggets for a good grip of time. The texture of a stale nugget is akin to packing material, it’s almost flavorless and will reintroduce its bland aftertaste every time you burp for the rest of the day.
The Bottom Line
Ordering a Chicken McNugget is a gamble, but when they’re good, they’re great.
It took a viral tweet from Chance the Rapper to convince Wendy’s to bring back the beloved Spicy Chicken Nugget in 2019 and since then it looks this spicy treat has earned back its permanent spot on the Wendy’s menu. As we alluded to in our breakdown of Wendy’s regular nugget, these are such an improvement over their non-spicy counterparts that it makes Wendy’s other nugget seem like a straight-up waste of money. What makes the spicy nugget so great is that they actually deliver on the spice with a strong cayenne and black pepper flavor that will have you reaching for a swig of soda to help tamp down that lingering heat, but that sensation is exactly why these nuggets are so damn addicting.
The chicken inside isn’t great. It has that same unappealing spongey-and-overly-processed texture, and they’re considerably drier than the OG version, which is why Wendy’s is smart enough to let you pick up an order of just four. Four nuggets won’t give you enough time to bother yourself over thinking about what’s actually inside of them and how dry they are, you’ll be too busy dealing with that heat.
The Bottom Line
The spiciest nugget in the game. So spicy that it masks the nugg’s lesser qualities in the best way.
Trust me, I hate heaping any praise on Chick-fil-A but I have to give credit where credit is too, these are great. The chicken nugget is Chick-fil-A’s best contribution to the fast-food space. Made from boneless chicken breast marinated in pickle brine and seasoned with a mix of black pepper, salt, paprika, a dash of chili powder and… we swear we can taste lingering notes of sugar in there, Chick-fil-A’s nuggets pack a great flavor with a crispy hand-breaded batter that locks in the chicken’s juiciness.
What sets Chick-fil-A’s nuggets in another class against the competition — aside from actually marinating it — is the brand’s use of peanut oil to fry their chicken, which keeps it crispy and golden brown thanks to the oil’s high smoke point but leaves it juicy and perfectly cooked without drying out. If they were a bit crispier or had a thicker batter they’d be even better, but from a pure flavor standpoint, it’s hard to beat Chick-fil-A’s nuggets.
The Bottom Line
The best chicken nuggets in the entire fast-food universe and Chick-fil-A’s greatest menu item.
I was on my way home for lunch, already tasting the leftover risotto I’d made the night before, when my Uproxx Life editor, Steve Bramucci called me. “Hey, we need another pasta sauce ranking,” he said, not even bothering with hellos. “But more uniform this time. All the sauces. Only marinaras.”
Son of a bitch. So much for my lunch plans.
I reluctantly agreed. Reluctant because, as you might’ve already inferred from the name, I don’t generally eat jarred pasta sauce. I tend to think Italians and Italian-Americans are overly pedantic about food (pineapples on pizza? they’re fine! prosciutto and melon is basically the same damn thing as pineapples and ham!), but I do agree with the conventional wisdom on this particular point: that getting pasta sauce from a jar is tantamount to pissing in my grandmother’s coffin. (Don’t tell me that was her favorite hobby in life, I already thought of that joke).
It’s not 1962. We have fresh ingredients now.
But, you know, lots of people buy jarred marinara. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be so many different versions of it. People are busy these days and blah blah blah (I’m sorry I don’t have the energy to justify this for you). Not everyone has the fortitude that I do, to live life as this much of an annoying snob. Besides, with so many different brands, there has to be one that’s halfway edible, right? …Right?
METHOD:
There are lots of potential uses for jarred marinara — dunking bread, lubricating an eggplant parm, fake gore for your backyard horror film — but the obvious use indicated on the packaging is for pasta, so it only followed that I should test it that way.
I was all set to test them at room temp, fresh out of the jars, but my wife thought that was gross (“Grosser than eating jarred sauce in the first place?” I asked before she rolled her eyes at me rightfully/disdainfully). So she helpfully warmed each sample for 30 seconds in the microwave before I tasted. I don’t know how much microwaving affects the flavor of a sauce, but I do know that if you have enough time to warm your sauce on a stove top you should probably just make your own sauce. Seriously, it’s like four ingredients. Anyway, we chose the microwave method because it seemed the most relevant to the real-world conditions of jarred sauce consumption.
I tasted each sample blind, fresh from the microwave, using it as a dunking dish for some freshly cooked, DeCecco brand spaghetti. I started the evaluation with looks (“you eat with your eyes first!” -every cooking show ever), moved on to the aroma, and finished with texture and taste.
THE COMPETITORS
Newman’s Own Marinara, Prego Traditional, Ragu Old World Style Sauce Traditional, Francesco Rinaldi Original Recipe, Victoria Marinara, Yo Mama’s Marinara, Bertolli Traditional Marinara, Michael’s Of Brooklyn Marinara Sauce, Boticelli Marinara, Mezzetta Marinara Sauce, Classico Cabernet Marinara, Hunt’s Traditional Pasta Sauce, and Rao’s Homemade Marinara, Whole Foods Marinara, 365 Organic Marinara, Cucina Antica Marinara, Lucini Tuscan Marinara, Organico Bello Marinara, Pepe’s Little Napoli Bistro Italian Marinara, Trader Giotto’s Organic Marinara Sauce, Trader Giotto’s Recipe 99 Traditional Marinara Sauce, Dave’s Gourmet Organic Hearty Marinara.
Phew. Dat’s a lotta sowse. This was every marinara sauce available at my local supermarket, plus all those available at both Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. Personally, I feel like making a separate trip to a specialty store for a premium brand of jarred pasta sauce is counter to the spirit of this entire endeavor. I mean if you have that kind of time you should just — fine, fine, I’ll stop beating this horse.
GENERAL THOUGHTS
It was interesting how easily these sauces naturally separated into three distinct categories: sauces I might eat on purpose, sauces that were fine, and sauces that were bad. The top category was head and shoulders above the rest, actually approaching products I might buy/eat. Not to put on my own pasta, but maybe for some very specific situation in which I absolutely needed to save five minutes. I’m sure that scenario it exists, I’ll have to think on it.
Here we go, then — the best marinara pasta sauces on grocery store shelves:
STRICTLY FOR EMERGENCY RATIONS
I won’t mince words here, these ones truly sucked. I expected that from the Hunt’s — which came in a can, cost $1.09, and was generally packaged more like an ingredient than a finished sauce — but a couple of these had the look and feel (and price tag) of a specialty premium item and still tasted distinctly bad. My big takeaway is that you absolutely can’t judge based on the label.
22. Yo Mama’s Original Marinara, $7.99 on sale, regularly $9.99.
Yo Mama Foods
I had been choosing these based on packaging alone, Yo Mama’s would’ve been my top three. But this was really bad. To be fair, this one has about a third of the sodium that Rao’s does, so maybe it was a BYO seasonings kind of a sitch. I don’t know. All I know is that tasted blind fresh from the micro it was awful.
Looks: Pretty red color with chunks and herb flecks.
Nose: Tomato soup.
Taste: Watery, underseasoned, with undercooked vegetable flavor. Awful.
21. Michael’s Of Brooklyn Marinara, $7.99 on sale, regularly $9.99
Michaels
Everything about the price and packaging of this seems to suggest a very good product. And yet…
Look: Rich puree, slightly darker red in color.
Nose: Pepper and oregano.
Taste: Undercooked and underseasoned. Just bad and bland.
20. Hunt’s Traditional Pasta Sauce, $1.09
Hunts
I didn’t really expect this canned sauce that cost a dollar to compete with nine-dollar jars of premium sauce, and it didn’t. Is it not supposed to? It still says “pasta sauce” on the can…
Looks: Like tomato soup.
Nose: Vegetal, and oregano forward.
Taste: Very spice heavy. Not at all a sugar bomb, but I don’t especially like it.
19. Classico Cabernet Marinara, $3.29 on sale, normally $3.49.
Classico
These sauces all had basically the same ingredients list. What made the bad ones bad mostly seems like poor cooking and seasoning.
Looks: Purée with isolated chunks. Kind of what I imagine jarred sauce looks like in my head.
Nose: Campbell’s tomato soup.
Taste: Watery, with uncooked vegetable flavor, not great seasoning. Possibly the worst so far. (I tasted this one early.)
18. Cucina Antica Marinara, $6.99 on sale, regularly $8.39
Cucina Antica
Look: Medium chunky purée with a few oil droplets. Sort of salsa consistency.Nose: Tomato soup, smells… canned, somehow?
Taste: Mostly like uncooked canned tomatoes, but with an oddly bitter note? Underseasoned… not a fan at all.
EDIBLE IN A PINCH
These make up the “mushy middle” of my rankings — fairly indistinguishable from each other and mostly not very good, but not rinse-your-mouth-out bad either.
17. 365 Organic Marinara, $2.39
Vince Mancini
It says “no sugar added” on the label and it tastes like they compensated with salt. (At 410 mg of sodium it’s one of the saltier sauces, but still behind Trader Giotto’s Organic’s 500 mg and Trader Giotto’s Traditional’s 590 mg).
Look: A very herby-looking purée, this one not as dark in color, though not bright either.
Nose: Can smell the herbs from a few feet away. Up close it smells intensely of dried Italian seasoning.
Taste: Just tastes like salt and herbs. Bad.
Additional notes: This one actually had a bum jar that we had to jimmy open.
16. Victoria Marinara, $6.99
Victoria
This turned out to be one of the many sauces that look fancier and classier than your basic Pregos and Ragus but don’t taste any better.
Looks: A little ketchupy.
Nose: Undercooked tomato.
Taste: Sauce barely coats the noodles, which is weird. Watery? Doesn’t taste as bad as I imagined, but just sort of watery and blah.
15. Organico Bello Marinara, $5.99 on sale, regularly $7.99
Organico Bello
This was one of the lower sodium options (at 230 mg). But unfortunately, tastes like it.Look: soupy, a little visible oil, nice vibrant red with a few visible herbs.
Nose: Tomato soup
Taste: Thin, dull, slightly underseasoned. Tastes undercooked and blah.
14. Prego Traditional, $3.99
Prego
This was definitely the sweetest, but sugar only takes you so far. Maybe they needed all that sugar to hide all those super veggies?
Looks: Healthy color, smooth purée, visible herbs.
Nose: Thick and pizza-y.
Taste: Coats okay. Odd green veg flavor, very sweet. Holy sugar bomb! Tastes cheap. Had to drink water after this one to get the syrupy taste out of my mouth.
13. Francesco Rinaldi Original, $2.19 on sale, regularly $2.99
Rinaldi
This one was the only one with pecorino romano on the ingredients list. That seems almost like cheating, but I’m happy to report that I couldn’t taste it at all and it seemed in every other way like a middling entry on this list. It was also the only one in a plastic jar.
Looks: Very smooth purée but color looks healthy/fresh-ish.
Nose: Dried oregano.
Taste: Sweet and ketchup-like. Might be okay for a pizza but… no.
12. Bertolli, $4.99 on sale, regularly $7.99
Bertolli
Again, it’s edible. Not sure why this one is regularly $7.99.
Looks: Looks like straight tomato purée.
Nose: Pizza sauce.
Taste: Goopier texture. Heavy on tomato paste flavor but seasoned okay and no undercooked veg flavor. Not much for herbs.
11. Ragu Traditional Marinara, $1.91 (!!)
Ragu
I mean it’s not good and is definitely a sugar bomb, but it’s not as bad as you might expect for a buck 90.
Looks: A chunkless puree. I see one seed, maybe a pepper fleck.
Nose: Undercooked tomato paste.
Taste: Goopy and sugary, very paste forward. Edible, but only just.
10. Lucini Tuscan Marinara, $7.99
Lucini
Lucini’s South American olive oil is my go-to at the supermarket, so I had high hopes for their organic sauce in this handsome jar. It was decidedly meh.
Look: By far the thickest of any of these sauces. Visible tomato seeds here and there — just looks like very thick tomato slurry.
Nose: Tomato soup, maybe a little tomato paste.
Taste: Very tomato-forward, and on the fresher-tasting side, but with just a hint of a canned tomato aftertaste. Sort of undercooked tasting. Not the worst, just… lacking.
9. Pepe’s Little Napoli Bistro Italiano Tomato, Garlic, and Basil Marinara, $7.99
Little Napoli
Look: Very thick and red, almost like applesauce. Looks like the sauce you’d get with breadsticks.
Nose: Tomato, plus slightly more herbaceous — dried oregano.
Taste: Sweeter, but not in a fake sugar kind of way. Vaguely sun-dried tomato taste. Okay, but not complex enough. Lacking seasoning or fat or something.
8. Trader Giotto’s Organic Marinara, $2.49
Vince Mancini
Look: Smooth purée with lots of visible herbs and the occasional shard of visible garlic and onion.
Nose: I didn’t even have to get my nose close to this one to smell the herbs. Mostly oregano, seems like.
Taste: Herbaceous (obviously), and not as cloying sweet — very much on the overseasoned end of the spectrum but not disgustingly so. More oregano than I get down with, but not gross.
7. Boticelli Marinara, $4.99 on sale, normally $7.99
Boticelli
Looks: Italian chopped polpa.
Nose: Stewed tomatoes.
Taste: Sugary, but not awful. Tomato paste texture.
6. Trader Giotto’s Recipe #99 Traditional Marinara, $1.39
Vince Mancini
Like Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s has two different sauces. This one is better and very cheap.
Look: Thinnest one so far, but with chunks. More like taco bar salsa than table salsa. Lots of visible seeds and herbs.
Nose: Canned tomato soup. Vaguely peppery/herby.
Taste: A lot better than it looks or smells, interestingly. Right on the edge of overseasoned and over-herbed, but not quite.
5. Dave’s Gourmet, $8.49
Dave
Handsome label. Sauce was just okay.
Look: Smooth purée with black pepper flecks. no visible tomato seeds, slightly darker red.
Nose: Tomatoes.
Taste: Coats the noodles okay, decently seasoned, not bad. Decent though not amazing.
4. Newman’s Own Marinara, $2.99 on sale, regularly $3.19
Newman
There was a fairly significant gulf between the top three and this one, but an equally big gulf between this one and the rest.
Looks: Darker red with chunks, sort of a chunky salsa texture, like Pace picante sauce. Not great.
Nose: Barely there.
Taste: Sweeter but actually not bad. The veg tastes cooked, there’s a decent amount of olive oil and it’s properly seasoned. (Tasted this one second)
THE BEST
I would eat these. Even pay for them if some situation demanded that I have bulk sauce and I didn’t have the very little time it takes to make my own.
3. Whole Foods Marinara, $5.69
Whole Foods
This is one of two Whole Foods brands, an imported sauce from Italy and the more expensive of the two, though not actually that expensive relative to the rest of the list. Weirdly, this one was miles better than the 365 brand organic marinara. Go figure.
Look: Bright vibrant red with some visible oil. Chunkless purée.
Nose: Tomatoes with some kind of savory note.
Taste: Fresh tasting, well seasoned, sweet enough, decently balanced – right amount of olive oil. Definitely sweet, but not at all a sugar bomb. Not bad. Not bad at all.
2. Mezzetta Marinara Sauce, $7.09
Mezzetta
Mezzetta, a company out of Napa Valley in California, had one of two sauces that I would consider putting on food, and it was pretty close between Mezzetta and our winner. Mezzetta had a brighter, almost red peppery/sundried tomato quality to it (even though the ingredient list is virtually identical) that was a bit of an outlier for these.
Looks: Approaching homemade sauce — nice color, thick purée, tomato seeds here and there. Lighter in color, like roasted red pepper.
Nose. Garlic and sun-dried tomato? Different, but not unpleasant.
Taste: Nice and bright, good olive oil balance. Red peppery? Decent sauce.
1. Rao’s Homemade Marinara. $6.99 on sale, regularly $9.19.
Raos
For all those of you who bitched the last time I didn’t include Rao’s in my rankings, congratulations! Take your victory lap. This did indeed taste the most like a “homemade” sauce. Just visually it seemed to have more olive oil in it, which tends to coat better and adds a nice roundness to the flavor. Olive oil is relatively expensive (certainly the most expensive ingredient in marinara) though, so it would make sense why brands would try to skimp.
Of course, this is all speculation (though Rao’s has seven times the fat — this is “good fat,” not saturated — of Prego or Ragu, suggesting that I might be onto something). While Rao’s tasted better seasoned than many of the sauces, it was well within the normal standard of sodium for these.
Bottom line: I tasted all the sauces not knowing what they were or anything about how they were made and this one passed the taste test.
Blind tasting notes below:
Looks: More visible olive oil than most other ones. Lighter red, looks more appetizing.
Nose: Roughly what my homemade sauce smells like.
Taste: Nice onion/garlic backbone to this, and well seasoned. Pretty decent, actually. From my notes: “Best so far.” (I tasted this one fourth).
FINAL THOUGHTS
I don’t work for any of these brands so I’m not here to tell you that doing this challenge has given me a greater respect for jarred marinara or that you should feel good about buying them instead of making your own. It hasn’t, and you should feel bad. If I’m being honest though, I have to admit that rather than letting it go to waste, I did use the rest of my Rao’s jar to simmer some sausage I had in the freezer and combined it with my last tomato from the garden and some mozz and parsley to make this nice baked penne.
Vince Mancini
Not gonna lie, it was pretty good.
Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.
Finding the best food in the world is a fool’s errand. Culture, nostalgia, even genetics dictate what we like and don’t like to eat. That means putting one culture’s cuisine over another’s is pretty much pointless. That being said, we are humans and we love to rank things and argue about pretty much everything food-related. That’s especially true when it comes to the best food destinations around the globe.
Over at Ranker, they asked their audience what the best countries for food are around the world. Over 40,0000 voters participated and a list of countries with the “best” food emerged.
We’re pulling the top ten, which is admittedly very Euro-centric but not entirely. Are these the best countries for food worldwide? We’ll never know that. Even the act of talking about an entire nation’s food is reductive since you have to skip regionality and specificity to do so. But what we do know is that all ten of these countries have pretty dope food scenes, so we’re calling out the one dish you should try from each one to help you judge for yourself.
Hungary’s food scene is very specific. The land of paprika has amazing delis, farm-to-table markets, and a love of spice that’s rarely seen elsewhere in Europe. Thinking about Hungarian food, it’s hard not to zero in on neon red sausages hanging over deli counters, piping hot bowls of paprika-loaded goulash, smoked cheese, amazingly fresh produce, and plenty of sweet, bready treats roasted over open fires and dusted with sugary cinnamon. Of course, there’s so much more to Hungary than that but those foodie touchstones shine the brightest for anyone looking for a getaway into their food culture.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Goulash
If you’re in Budapest, the best bet is to find a hot deli counter and order, well, everything! But, specifically, order the goulash. There will almost always be a big pot bubbling away behind the counter. It’ll be full of paprika-laden goodness with a few pieces of stewed beef or pork in a tomato-based stew. Get some freshly baked bread for dipping and you’re set for the day.
9. Spain
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The Food Scene:
It’s not at all surprising to see Spain on any list of countries with the best food scenes. Spain’s food is as diverse as it’s delicious. The country is basically surrounded by the sea, has one of the densest agricultural areas of Europe, and continues to dominate the olive oil and wine scene. Picking a single region of Spain to indulge in is almost impossible. It’s like having to pick your favorite child. From the Basque country’s fiery asador grills and canned seafood to Valencia’s paella to the piles of calamari along the Costa Brava to the cheeses of the high plains to the vermouth bars of Barcelona to the tapas bars of Seville, you’ll never run out of great food while in Spain.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Canned Seafood
It’d be really easy to say paella here. As someone who’s had paella all around Spain at least a dozen times at all the “best” places, I can say it’s only been good about twice. What has been both great and educational every time I’ve tried it in Spain is their tinned seafood. A can of mussels in chili sauce or razor clams in pesto or anchovy with capers are not the average can of fish you get at your local grocery store. These are tins that reach crazy heights of deliciousness due to the processes, recipes, and attention to detail in the fishing, cooking, and canning.
This is also one of the most accessible foods you can likely try right now. If you have a high-end grocer or deli in your town, they’ll likely carry canned seafood from Spain. It’s not cheap (a jar of real-deal tuna in olive oil will cost close to $10 or more) but it’ll be revelatory. Start with something easy like tuna and go from there.
8. Hong Kong
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The Food Scene:
Hong Kong’s food scene is legendary. Hong Kong is a place where the world’s cuisine comes together on the streets, in food halls, on grocery store shelves, and in homes to create a culinary culture that’s pretty much second to none. The street food alone with sweet rice balls, all the dumplings your heart could desire, and every type of protein you can imagine fried or grilled on a stick barely scratches the surface of this city’s immense food vibe.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Roasted Goose
Picking one dish feels crazy for Hong Kong but I’m doing it anyway. Roasted goose is the dish that sticks out most in my mind as something Hong Kong street vendors, foodhall cooks, and high-end chefs all do really f*cking well. A bowl of noodle soup with a roasted goose breast over the top is a thing of simple wonders. The meat is usually this juicy, meatier duck with super crispy skin that’s all imbued with a deep spice-flavor profile buried in every bite.
Look, it’s not that you can’t get roasted goose anywhere else. But it’s rarely this good and that’s whether you’re buying a bowl on the go on the street or sitting down for a long dinner with friends someplace with white table cloths.
7. Brazil
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The Food Scene:
This is another no-brainer for a list of countries with amazing food scenes. It’s also one of the harder cuisines to define. Brazil is massive and has vastly different cultures cooking foods all over the nation. You have Indigenous Amazonia, Afro-Carib, Southern European colonial, Northern European colonial, Afro-Indigenous, and mixes and matches of all of the above. Is that what makes a great culinary scene is a country? A mishmash of various cultures in one place? That seems to be the case when you’re talking about food in Brazil.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Feijoada
I wanted to call out the Italian-Brazilian classic fried mortadella sandwich here. But this really has to be feijoada. The cornerstone black bean dish was popular amongst the European colonizers and their slaves. The recipes, of course, would vary with the enslaved using the nasty bits of the pig and cow to stretch out the beans while the colonial elite used the prime cuts in their stew. Whatever the origins, the black bean stew is a staple of every table around the country with as many variations as there are people in Brazil.
So, the next time you find yourself in a Brazilian restaurant in your neck of the woods (Boston, New York, and Miami have the biggest Brazilian diasporas), give the feijoada a try and don’t skimp on the manioc flour on the side.
6. Argentina
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The Food Scene:
Argentina and Spain both appearing on this list feels almost like cheating since both culture’s food are so damn similar. The staples of Argentine cuisine almost always stem from Spanish colonization: Asador, tortilla, empanadas, all the cheese, and so forth. There’s also a deep Italian influence on Argentine cuisine. That puts Argentina at a sort of crossroads between Spanish and Italian cuisines, which, again, really feels like cheating.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Fugazza
Argentina has a very similar Italian migration story as the U.S. Boatloads of migrants from Genoa and Naples arrived in the late 19th century and pizza came with them to the point that Argentina has one of the oldest pizza histories in the Americas. That all culminated in the Italian-Argentine delight, fugazza. This is a thicker crust pizza that’s made with a focaccia bread base and then topped with heaps of fresh mozz, plenty of parm, a mix of fresh and caramelized onions, oregano, and olive oil. Naturally, crust thickness and toppings are going to vary from the traditional pie depending on who’s cooking.
5. Peru
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The Food Scene:
South America really rocked this ranking, according to the masses anyway. Peru’s food scene is another very varied one. There’s a mix of colonial cuisines from Spain and Japan next to a deeply rooted and ancient Indigenous food culture that lives side-by-side on the city streets, on the beaches, and deep into the mountains and jungles. This is where thousands of varieties of potatoes, ceviche, tomatoes, quinoa, chilis, and so much more originally comes from. All of that makes Peru a wonderland for food.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Anticuchos
Yes, this is just meat on a stick. But when meat on a stick is done right, it’s delightful. The name is Quechua for “eastern-style cuts” and should be made with marinated hearts in its most traditional form (though you can get standard cuts today). The Incans would use llama hearts for the dish and generally marinate them in an acidic base with chili, cumin, and wild onions. Today, beef heart has mostly replaced the llama and garlic has been added to the mix. The meat is then put on a big skewer, grilled over an open flame, and then served with roasted potatoes and corn.
Generally, this is still a street food staple, but you might get lucky and find some good ones the next time you drop into your local Peruvian restaurant.
4. Greece
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The Food Scene:
Greece feels like a good fit for the top five. The land of lamb gyros, endless seafood, funky farmhouse cheese, plenty of olive oil, and robust wines rarely leaves anyone hungry or unsatisfied with their meal. The whole country feels like endless beaches, countless islands, and dry farmland leading to rugged mountains. Greece is also relatively small, especially if you’re comparing it to massive colonial empires in the Americas. That doesn’t mean the cuisine is one note so much so that it’s dialed into the ideal of Mediterranean cuisine with a heavy emphasis on fatty fish, fresh produce, plenty of dairy and olive oil, and all the wine you can drink under that hot southern European sun.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Gyro
There’s a good chance you’ve had a gyro from a mall food court or food truck and it was probably just fine. The real-deal version you get in Greece dials things back a bit by not overstuffing their gyros. Instead, you get a few shavings of spit-roasted fatty lamb with a lush yogurt sauce, some sliced onion, maybe a little tomato, and a few just-cooked thick-cut fries all wrapped in an impossibly soft pita with a slight sourdough funk. It’s devilishly simple yet very easy to overdo. Add in eating one probably ten feet from the ocean and you have an unforgettable food experience.
3. Turkey
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The Food Scene:
Like Greece, Turkey sits at the crossroad of Europe, Asia, and Africa and the cuisine only benefits from the millennia of traffic that’s gone through this country. The heart of Turkish cuisine really depends on whether you’re in the mountains or on the sea. Very broadly, the closer you get to the Middle East through the interior of the country, the closer the cuisine leans into those cuisines. Likewise, the closer you get to Europe and the Med, the closer the cuisine leans into Mediterranean dishes.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Balık Ekmek
This is more than just a fish sandwich. This is Turkey in your hand. The bread is French, the fish is Turkish/Mediterranean, and the spices are Middle Eastern. The fish is usually caught right from the sea next to the sandiwch stand. They’re usually dressed with a simple mix of lemon juice and chili pepper flakes but that’ll vary and you’ll often see sumac thrown in the mix. It’s a super cheap lunch that can’t get any more fresh or local.
2. Mexico
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The Food Scene:
Mexico being in the top two on this list should shock exactly no one. You can get legit tacos on the streets of Boston, Bangkok, Barcelona, and Berlin these days. Of course, Mexican cuisine goes well beyond tacos and blends French, Spanish, and German colonial foodways with ancient Indigenous American foodways to create one of the world’s most beloved cuisines.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Guacamole
This might seem like a “huh?” pick but bear with me. Guacamole is the iconic Mexican dish. The name, which is a Nahuatl word, literally means “avocado sauce.” Way back before European colonization, guacamole was a staple of cuisines that stretches from what’s now the United States towards Panama thanks to over 10,000 years of cultivation of the fruit in that area. The original recipes were a bit simpler than the concoctions that you see today and only included ground avocado, sugar, and citrus juice. Fast forward a few thousand years and you still have almost exactly that on every avocado toast from Melbourne to Memphis. Grocery stores from Dallas to Delhi sell the stuff in one form or another. Guacamole has become universal.
The best part is that you can probably make some at home right now. Go ahead! Whip some up, crack open some tortilla chips, and binge that show you’ve been waiting to binge all week.
1. Italy
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The Food Scene:
Italy is almost synonymous with “food.” Well, maybe it’s synonymous more with “Food and Wine.” Either way, Italy at number one feels right. Food is the heart and soul of Italy. Entire regions build their tourism around food culture, farming, wine, cheese, sausage, and so on. You can go to a theme park for regional Italian cuisine outside of Bologna, that’s how seriously food is taken there. Sure, some people might go to Italy for the sights (the art, history, and architecture are stunning) but the food is almost always the central focus of any trip to Italy.
One Iconic Dish To Try: Pizza
Italians really got around the world. There’s nary a corner of this planet where you can’t find pizza (or pasta). I’ve been deep in Afghanistan, Congo, and Sumatra and I still found Italian pizza in one form or another. But, it’s never the same as the variations and quality you get in Italy (no, not even in the U.S., Brazil, or Argentina). I know that sounds very hyperbolic, but you rarely get the unique toppings, perfect cheese, and great crusts you find in Italy outside of Italy.
Grabbing a slice of french fry and hot dog pizza in Sicily is a kitschy delight. Getting a whole pizza from a street cart in Naples for less than $2 will always be the perfect street food experience. Pondering which slice to buy by the kilo from a shop in Rome with some of the most outrageous toppings is what pizza is all about. While you can get very close to those experiences in the U.S. at places like L’antica Pizzeria da Michele in Los Angeles or 2 Amys in Washington, DC, you’re still missing the vibe and ingenuity of being in Italy and eating pizza.
Molly Shannon has been on a streak lately, with two big HBO Max shows this month: The Other Two, which is about to return, and The White Lotus, where she played the terrible mom of Jack Lacy’s terrible son. (Though she arguably wasn’t even the show’s worst character.) It’s a reminder of how she first broke through: on SNL in the mid-‘90s, thanks in part to her most famous character, intense Catholic schoolgirl Mary Katherine Gallagher. Now Shannon has opened up about how that character was partly inspired by an unspeakable tragedy that happened to her when she was young.
In a new interview with The Los Angeles Times, the performer talked about how when she was four years old, her mother, younger sister, and a cousin were all killed in a car accident. Her father, who had been driving, was under the influence at the time. He survived but was left with major injuries.
“I was very heartbroken and very sad and just trying to hold it all together as a kid,” Shannon said. “There’s no way that you could feel that type of deep pain about your mother and your sister being dead, so you just hold it all in, and it comes up later in life.”
Years later, in an improv class during college, Shannon created Gallagher, who was unpopular, moody, accident prone, fitfully hyper, and confident in her eccentricities. Shannon eventually brought it to SNL, where the character appeared nearly 20 times between 1995 and 2001, and twice more in the ensuing years. She even got her own movie, Superstar, in 1999.
Shannon revealed that the character “was really based on me, how I felt after the accident — really nervous, accident-prone, wanting to please, f— up but full of hope,” she told the paper. “I just exaggerated everything I felt as a little girl and turned it into a character.”
She would get so into the role that she’d do her own stunts, claiming she felt no pain when she threw herself into stage furniture and props, only to wake up the next morning wondering where all the bruises came from.
“Isn’t that weird?” Shannon said. “I didn’t care if I cut myself or I made myself bleed. I did not give a s—. I looked at it like punk rock. I was reckless, and because of what I went through, I just didn’t care about anything.”
Who was the most evil character on HBO Max’s recently concluded The White Lotus? Was it Jake Lacy’s petulant rich kid Shane? Was it his mother, played by Molly Shannon? (Whatever you do, don’t pick Murray Bartlett’s troubled manager Armond, who arguably did nothing wrong.) For some, the answer is two-fold: It’s Sydney Sweeney’s Olivia and Brittany O’Grady’s Paula, the Gen Z mean girls from hell. They were so cruel, so withering in their disdain for everyone, that the two actresses made a point of pointing out that, in real life, they’re not like that.
“I’m super sensitive, so I was like, ‘Oh, gosh, we’re not that awful,’” O’Grady told the paper, “and then I’m looking back, and I’m like, ‘Oh gosh, we really did our job.” She also emphasized that her actual friendships are nothing like the uneasy one between Paula and Olivia.
“Can you imagine having a friendship with Paula or Olivia?” Sweeney said. She did, however, point out that the two aren’t representative of their entire generation. “I think we were a specific subculture of Gen Z. I don’t think every person in Gen Z is like Olivia and Paula.”
What’s more, O’Brady said she personally feels partial kinship with the generation ahead of her. “I have an older sister, and I hung around a lot of millennials growing up. So I identify more with millennial culture,” she said. “But I’m ’96, so I’m right on that cusp of being a millennial and Gen Z. My sister was saying that if you’re in the middle of the two like I am, it depends on what, culturally, you identify more with. One was, which is kind of gruesome, but if you remember 9/11, that means you’re considered a millennial.”
Mind you, Paula is debatably a slightly better person than Olivia, who’s far more cutting and condescending, not only to her younger brother but to strangers like Alexandra Daddario’s flailing freelance journalist Rachel. Then again, Paula did orchestrate one of the most upsetting parts of the show, even if she mostly meant well, sort of. But it sounds like people will be discussing them for quite a while.
Call of Duty: Vanguard was recently unveiled officially to players. The latest Call of Duty game will be taking everyone back to World War II and that means new guns, different characters, and some new multiplayer modes too.
If there is one aspect of Call of Duty that is required for every game it would be a strong multiplayer. While the upcoming Call of Duty: Vanguard is expected to place a heavier emphasis on the story than previous games that doesn’t mean it’s ignoring multiplayer. The developers at Sledgehammer Games recently announced that one of the big additions to this year’s game will be the multiplayer mode “Champion Hill.” This tournament-like deathmatch mode will feature lives and a round-robin system, and they gave players more info on their blog:
Now, Sledgehammer Games introduces Champion Hill, a tournament-style, multi-map and multi-life game mode where tactics and strategy go beyond the pull of a trigger.
In Champion Hill, your squad — either a Duo (2v2) or Trio (3v3) during the Alpha — will compete in a round-robin deathmatch tournament against other squads. Your mission is to reduce all other squads’ life count to zero before your whole squad is eliminated.
Everyone starts with the same Loadout, and while it can be lethal, collecting Cash — earned by taking enemy lives and picking up drops scattered around the map — will allow you to upgrade your starting weapons and purchase new armaments, equipment, Perks, and Killstreaks during Buy Rounds that happen between Combat Rounds.
Champion Hill also takes place on one large map split up into five sections. Specifically, there is a central Buy Station Area and four arenas for Combat Rounds: the Airstrip, the Trainyard, the Market, and the Courtyard. Once you are eliminated, you can watch how the tournament ends from the Buy Station Area spectator platform, but ideally, you survive long enough to see victory for yourself.
Anyone interested in trying out this new mode is going to have an opportunity to do just that in the very near future. PlayStation 4 and PlayStation 5 owners will be able to take part in an open, free-to-play alpha demo from August 27 to August 29. The alpha will give players a chance to test out the new mode while also stress testing the game for the developers.
For those who don’t own a PlayStation but want to experience Vanguard before launch, a beta period will be taking place later in September. However, PlayStation owners will gain more access while players on other consoles will need to pre-order the game first. Eventually, though there will be an open beta for everyone from September 18 through September 20.
After a worldwide Multiplayer Reveal on Tuesday September 7, get ready to experience the Call of Duty: Vanguard Beta! This will be held over two weekends: from Friday September 10 to Monday, September 13, and Thursday, September 16 to Monday, September 20.
The first weekend – September 10 to September 13 – will be for PlayStation owners who have pre-ordered the game.
The second weekend will be considered an Open Beta in its entirety for PlayStation owners. Those on other platforms will need to pre-order the game to access the first two days of the Beta (September 16 and 17), before it becomes an Open Beta for all platforms from Saturday, September 18 to Monday, September 20 at 10 AM PT.*
There will be plenty of chances for players to experience Call of Duty: Vanguard before release as Sledgehammer Games attempts to stress test it before launch. Of course, for anyone that is willing to wait until it’s fully finished, the game will be available to everyone to purchase on November 5.
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